Male best friends
The 5 Habits Of Great Adult Male Friendships
Friends are one of the most important parts of a fulfilling life – why do so many men find themselves without any real ones?
7 November,2022By Moreno Zugaro
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Hollywood and pop culture portray male friendships as effortless bromances built on downing beers, watching football games, and picking up chicks. But in reality, many of these connections go about as deep as a puddle during a drought.
According to scientific research, “the male social world is built around half a dozen relatively casual relationships, whereas the female social world is built around one or two much more intimate, and hence more fragile, dyadic relationships.”
Having beer buddies, football friends, and car companions is great. But in my work as a men’s coach, I’ve encountered too many guys who’ve painfully experienced that when push comes to shove, few of their friends can provide the support they need. A deep, genuine friendship where two men can share their authentic selves is about as rare as a summer blockbuster that isn’t a reboot.
Even if your life is going well, connecting with others on a deeper level will improve the experience by a fuckton, to say the least. Good friends will not only make your life a blast but also help you become the best man you can be. But how do you take a friendship from casual and good to exceptional and great?
By doing the right things over time. Building a strong bond between two men doesn’t happen overnight, yet most genuine connections rely on a few simple principles.
Here’s what you can do to forge a friendship that will survive the storms of time.
They’re Not Just About Shoulders, But Also Faces
Many men mistake “activity buddies” for genuine friends.
I’ve had many of them. The one in high school with whom I’ve spent a whole summer break playing video games until sunrise. The one I smoked so much weed with during my bachelor’s we could’ve given Snoop Dogg a run for his money.
The gym buddies I’ve lifted with until we passed out under the barbell. While all these experiences were intense, none of the friendships lasted.
We vibed shoulder-to-shoulder, but not face-to-face, which is typical for guys.
Most of our friendships revolved around doing something together. Watching football, going fishing, or hitting the gym. But if you want to build a genuine connection, you need to be together once in a while.
Instead of focusing on the activity, focus on each other. Talk. Share. Ask questions. Don’t distract yourself from the conversation.
A few weeks ago, I was on a holiday in Portugal with one of my best buddies. While we could’ve occupied ourselves with surfing, kayaking, and cave tours both along the coast and in the bars filled with slightly intoxicated and scantily clad tourist girls, we spent our time laying on the beach and talking about life. Being with each other forged a strong bond and deep connection that no amount of activities could ever have created.
Great male friendships don’t just run shoulder-to-shoulder, but also face-to-face.
They Provide Space To Share Without Judgment
For a lot of men, opening up is harder than getting our partners to decide where they want to eat.
We often lack the space to talk about our struggles and a toxic culture of “real men don’t cry” encourages us to stuff down our feelings like croutons into a dead bird on Thanksgiving.
This isn’t healthy. If you never vent about the stress at work, the fight with your girlfriend, or your difficult relationship with your parents, it will eat you up from the inside. There’s only so much a man can take before he breaks.
Good friends encourage you to share. They know that sometimes, you need support even if you don’t ask and don’t think any lesser of you for it. They just hold the space.
Even if your friend says “it’s fine,” there’s a good chance he’s far from it. Care for them, listen without judgment, and give your thoughts and share your experiences where appropriate.
Doing so helps you open up yourself, which even though it’s hard, makes you feel a lot better in the long run.
Great male friendships provide the space to share and encourage each other to do so.
They Value Brutal Honesty Even if It Hurts
“A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you become who you should be.” – Unknown
Sometimes, the best thing a friend can do is to say what you don’t want to hear but need to hear.
Most people aren’t completely honest with you. Their social conditioning and natural tendency to avoid conflict make them sugarcoat their words until double-glazed donuts come out of their mouth. This makes you feel better but doesn’t get you anywhere – and in hindsight, you sometimes wish they would’ve slapped you across the face to set you straight instead.
A few years ago, I was in a toxic and codependent relationship with a drama queen. For months on end, we fought teeth and claws, but I was too stuck behind my rose-colored glasses to see the truth.
Many sleepless nights and two broken hearts later, I wish someone would’ve opened my eyes to the obvious.
Whether you’ve got a substance abuse problem, get stuck in the wrong relationship, or are otherwise going full speed on the ruin your life highway, good friends will tell you – and you should return the favor when needed.
This can be hard to do – the right thing often is. Your friends are old enough to make their own decisions, but the least you can do is be honest with them. Try to save them from their dumbest mistakes, just like they would do for you.
Great male friends say what the other needs to hear, even if they don’t want to – or you’re embarrassed to say it.
As Oprah Winfrey once said:
“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
There’s nothing worse than friends who aren’t there when you need them. Unfortunately, most people only show their true face once times get tough.
If you’ve ever been down and in dire need of a supporting shoulder, but all you heard was the sound of crickets, you know what I’m talking about. Great friends don’t let friends down.
Often, it doesn’t even need much. A quick text. One beer together after work. A genuine hug. An invite to hang out. A simple “let me know if you need anything.” That’s all it takes to make a guy feel that he’s not alone.
Great male friends are there for each other when it counts.
…and Encourage Each Other To Fly Sky High
The idea that you’re the average of the five people you hang out with most is older than the Queen of England.
While the number is debatable, the fact is not. The wrong people will pull you down, the right ones will help you rise above. If you want to become the best man you can be, you have to build the right tribe.
The list of criteria for great friends is long, but over many years and friendships, I’ve found this to be one of the most important:
Great friends will always encourage you to become the best man you can be, regardless of where they stand.
I’ve always been ambitious, whether when studying, training for a bodybuilding competition, or building my own business. While most of my friends supported my dreams, others made fun of me and told me to be “realistic.” Achieving ambitious goals is hard as it is and the last thing you need is friends pulling you down and waving cookies in front of you when you’re on week twelve of a chicken-and-rice diet.
If you want to know how your friends feel about you, observe their reactions when things are going well – do they cheer you on, or do they pull you down to feel better about themselves?
Great friends root for you no matter what.
Wrap-Up To Help You Build Great and Genuine Friendships
Life-changing friendships don’t just happen. Regardless of what Hollywood wants you to believe, they’re the result of continuous effort. Instead of just scratching the surface, build deeper and more fulfilling connections.
1. Be face-to-face instead of just shoulder-to-shoulder.
2. Hold the space for sharing without judgment.
3. Say what the other needs to hear even if it isn’t what he wants to hear.
4. Be there for each other when you’re down.
5. Root for each other to become the best man you can be.
As someone who’s been a lone wolf for years, I can tell you that life gets a lot better with a few genuine friendships that go deeper.
Instead of being alone with your thoughts and stuffing down your worries, you can share them with others. Instead of wasting years of your life with dumb mistakes, your friends will tell you what you need to hear. Instead of watching you get stuck, they’ll push you to take it to the next level.
We’re all men. We’re all in this together. Your friends are the family you choose.
Want to Meet New Friends?
→ Read this next: 12 Real Ways To Make Friends As An Adult
Men Share Unspoken Rules Of Male Friendship That Every Guy Follows
© Dharma Productions
They say women are complicated.
But the truth is women don’t understand men either.
I have never seen a man introduce himself to another guy. How on earth do you guys ever know each other’s names? Maybe that’s why ‘dude’ and ‘bro’ were invented. Also, a friend’s birthday isn’t a big deal for guys and you only express love for your ‘bhai’ when you are wasted.
© Viacom18 Motion Pictures
If I had to sum up male friendships, I’d say it’s a chill relationship with no drama involved. I mean, all it takes for two men to bond is a bottle of beer or sports, and the next thing you know they are bros for life.
© Vinod Chopra Films
You don’t need to look too far for an example either. Dave Chapelle, Yasiin Bey, and Talib Kweli have shared a long and fabled friendship that has endured several ups and downs. Their creative careers might have gotten them together, but their friendship has still stuck on several decades later. And it’s often these ups and downs, and the ability to share them together that really strengthens the bond between boys.
© iStock
The trio recently launched their own podcast called ‘Midnight Miracle’ on Luminary. And that yaari-dost-chemistry is truly an experience to behold. Their conversations discuss hard-hitting global pop-cultural references across the border.
The first episode ‘How To Inspire (Side A) takes you through the lives and legacies of late Amy Winehouse and Robin Williams. They also discuss the demise of an old friend and collaborator, Malik B., from The Roots. Their unfiltered heart-to-heart gives a peek into what intimate male friendships look like if they’re caught in a podcast.
Women definitely don’t get male friendships and how they work. And, someone with a similar sentiment asked men on Reddit the same. Here is what the guys had to say when a user asked “What's an unspoken rule between men that women to this day have trouble understanding?”
© Eros International
Here are some of the best responses on unspoken rules, essential to bromances, that most women just don’t get:
1.
You can chat shit to your mates to their face but you have their back when they're not around.
2. Dudes can be best of buddies for decades and have like 2 photos of them together total lol.
3. When your friend wants to do something meathead stupid, you talk to him about why it’s stupid, you both agree it’s stupid, and then when he decides to do it any way you’re like “okay what do you need me to do to make this happen.”
4. Unless it is a pretty significant purchase, men don't pay each other back. "You pay for the hotel?"
"Great, I'll get the golf and dinner. Does that square us up?"
" Yeah."
© Eros International
5. There's something so rock solid about knowing that the next time you see Dudeguy you get to pick right back up where you were 4 years ago and neither of you even has to question it. Even if you weren't the same person as back then, you get to mentally go back to that space and so does he. It's like an anchor point for your personality.
6. Guys talk about crushes, girls they're working on dating, and relationship troubles all the time. Sex talk on the other hand is pretty limited. Either you banged or you didn't.
© Dharma Productions
7. That once you have finished a heated argument you leave it as a moment in time and move on. They are a perfectly healthy part of a man's life. You don't bring it up days later or every time that person annoys you or hold a grudge till you can get back at them.
8. We can sit together on the porch for hours and not speak. It's okay. We enjoy it.
9. 9/10 phone calls should take 60 seconds or less.
10. The stronger the friendship the harsher the insults.
© Eros International
So, does every guy just know these rules and follow them?
Men miss their best friends more often than women
As shown by a survey conducted by the Research Center of the Superjob.
ru recruiting portal among 3,000 economically active Russians from all districts of the country, men are more likely to complain about the absence of a best friend.
The best friend is the person closest in spirit, tested in various life situations. This is the one who can be trusted with the deepest experiences and who is ready to share both victories and defeats. We decided to ask our fellow citizens who such a person is for them - a man or a woman. nine0005
As it turns out, a man's best friend is often a man. 57% of the representatives of the stronger sex we surveyed boasted of having a strong male friendship: “Nothing can replace male friendship, it is purer, there are fewer betrayals in it, and, as a rule, men help each other out, and women practically do not”; "Already 25 years old!" At the same time, many men strongly doubt that a woman could become such a friend for them: “Only a person of the same sex can be the best friend (girlfriend)! And the opposite sex is more like a lover (lover)”; "Female friend? I never laughed as much as I do now after reading this question.
..”
However, for 18% of male respondents, the best friend is still a woman. In many cases, this is a wife or mother: “My best friend is my wife, she always helps me with advice and deed. She gave me the most precious gift in my life. These are our children – a son and a daughter”; "My best friend is my mother."
In turn, almost every second woman who took part in the survey (49%) assures that she has developed the closest friendship with a woman: “My friend and I have been friends for many years. And although we are separated by 1000 km, it was as if we did not part. Thanks to the Internet and the phone, we communicate constantly!” nine0005
32% of the interviewed women have a best male friend. According to the study participants, the main advantage of such friendship is the absence of envy and help from men: “There is absolute trust between us, we share everything, and I feel very protected with him, as if he were my brother”; "A man does not envy." For some women, such a reliable and trusted friend is the spouse: “This is my husband!”
It is curious that in their youth, men, as a rule, consider the best friends of the same sex, with age, more and more men start close friendships with ladies.
For women, the situation is reversed - in their youth, girls are more likely to be friends with men, but over time, cases of such friendship become noticeably less. nine0005
25% of men and 19% of women complained about the absence of their best friend. And the older the respondents, the more often they state this sad fact: “They betrayed me too often. It hurts"; "A dog is a man's best friend!"; "Both men and women betray, so the best friends are relatives."
Location of the survey: Russia, all districts
Time: June 21-22, 2011
Study population: economically active population of Russia over 18
Sample size: 3000 respondents
Question:
"Is your best friend a man or a woman?"
Respondents' answers were distributed as follows:
| Answer option | All | Floor | Age | ||||||||
| Men | Women | ||||||||||
| husband | women | to 24 | 25-34 | 35-44 | 45 and older than | to 24 | |||||
Some comments of the respondents:
Men
“Man” – 57%
“Already 25 years old”.
Deputy Head, 35 years old, St. Petersburg
“Of course, man! In men, everything is simpler, the hormonal background changes 2-3 times a day, in women - 12 times a day. In addition, it is worth saying that a woman is more prone to sentiment, betrayal, hysteria and neurotic disorders. Nothing can replace male friendship, it is purer, there are fewer betrayals in it, and, as a rule, men help each other out, but women practically do not. nine0024 Advertising and marketing specialist, 25 years old, Moscow
“Female friend? I never laughed as much as I do now after reading this question...”
Deputy Head, 49 years old, Moscow
“The best friend (girlfriend) can only be a person of the same sex! And the opposite sex is more like a lover (lover).
Administrative manager, 29 years old, Moscow
“Woman” – 18%
“Wife”.
Territory manager, 41 years old, Mytishchi
“The best friend is my wife!” nine0024 Process Engineer, 22, Shakhty
"My mother is my best friend.
"
Director, 32 years old, Kyzyl
“My best friend is my wife, she always helps me with advice and deeds. It was she who gave me the most precious gift in life - these are our children: a son and a daughter.
Lawyer, 34 years old, St. Petersburg
“I don't have a best friend” – 25%
“Betrayed too often. It hurts".
Deputy director, aged 50, Orsk
“Only friends left.” nine0024 Plotnik, 31 years old, Perm
“A dog is a man’s best friend!”
Account Manager, 35, St. Petersburg
"You can only trust yourself."
Hotel administrator, 25 years old, Barnaul
Women
“Man” – 32%
“A man will not envy”.
Sales consultant, 24 years old, Makhachkala
“Friendship between a woman and a man is possible, the main thing is to see in him, first of all, a person and a friend, and not a man.” nine0024 Advertising specialist, 28 years old, Samara
“Helps me whenever I need to.
..”
Maid, 39 years old, St. Petersburg
“There is absolute trust between us, we share everything, and I feel very comfortable with him protected as if he were my brother."
Merchandiser, 22 years old, Kostroma
"Husband".
Confectionery technologist, 44, Penza
"Men don't envy women."
General practitioner, 23 years old, Blagoveshchensk
“This is my husband!” nine0024 Legal director, 44 years old, Nizhny Novgorod
“Woman” – 49%
“My friend and I have been friends for many years. And even though we are separated by 1000 km, we did not seem to part. Thanks to the Internet and the phone, we communicate constantly!”
Landscape designer, 21 years old, Korolev
“My best friend is my own sister. There are no more devoted friends than relatives.
Store manager, 44 years old, Nizhny Novgorod
“Friendship of different sexes is not easy...”
Head of the secretariat, 47 years old, St. Petersburg
"I don't have a best friend" - 19%
"Both men and women betray, so the best friends are family. "
Intern system administrator, 24 years old, St. Petersburg
"There are no friends, it's all an illusion."
Sales Director, 47 years old, Moscow
“There are a few friends with whom I feel good, easy, but I never trust them completely. I do not have such a person who would be close to me in everything, understand me, support me. That's why I don't think I have a best friend." nine0024 Labor protection engineer, 27 years old, Moscow
"I don't understand what a best friend is."
Head of Sales Department, 50 years old, Pskov
Men miss their best friends more often than women
According to a survey conducted by the Recruitment Portal Research Center Superjob.ru among 3,000 economically active Russians from all districts of the country, men are more likely to complain about the absence of a best friend. More. ..
Source: Superjob.ru — Jobs, vacancies, resumes.
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A man's best friends are weights! – Belarusian National Technical University (BNTU)
On November 16-18, on the basis of our university, the Republican Student Universiade in kettlebell lifting was launched. 125 athletes from 16 universities came to the sports hall of the educational building No. 8 for the victory.
On November 17, the grand opening of the competition took place. Deputy director attended Republican Center for Physical Education and Sports of Pupils and Students Antonchik Vladimir Vladimirovich, supervising the development of university sports. He expressed the opinion that every step taken towards the sport will have a positive impact on the development of our state. In addition, the opening of the competition was attended by the chairman of NGO "Belarusian Kettlebell Lifting Federation" Kaitan Nikolai Nikolaevich. He wished all the participants good luck and reaching new heights. nine0005
Immediately after the opening, athletes in the weight category up to 60 kilograms dispersed to the platforms and started the first exercise - the use of kettlebells. The judges sensitively watched every movement, because this kind of competition should be held at a high level. Winners and prize-winners of the Republican Universiade will represent our country in the international arena .
While some are diligently performing the exercises on the platforms, others are preparing for the performance. I managed to talk to one of the athletes who was preparing to defend the honor of his university. It's Shkinder Mikhail from Belarusian State University of Informatics and Radioelectronics.
- How did you get into this sport?
- Probably, like many others, I got into kettlebell lifting: I just went to the gym.
They pushed weights there, it became interesting, they said, “Here, strong, try it.” Then I started to train, the coach drove us, motivated us a lot. After that we went to the competitions, and there was a person with whom we were very close to each other, and he defeated me ... It really hooked me, I began to practice more regularly so that in the future I would not lose to him. I've been doing it for a year and a half now. nine0320
- What does playing sports give you in general?
- As a person, you always want to develop somewhere, to show that you are worth something. And now, if we proceed from the fact that studying is exam marks, your personal knowledge in order to find a place in the labor market, then in sports you have completed the category, won or did not win everyone - the result is much more visible day after day .
Mikhail Shkinder, BSUIR
The first competitive day was extremely productive for the BNTU team.
According to the results of the performances of our athletes, we took team second place. There were still two weight categories ahead, thanks to which the situation could change ...
On November 18, in the morning, athletes in the weight category to 90 kilograms and over 100 kilograms took to the platforms in order to improve the situation of their universities in the final table. nine0005
After the presentations and summing up the results, the panel of judges organized the closing ceremony of . It was attended by General Secretary of the Belarusian Federation of University Sports Karnaushenko Vitaly Georgievich, and eminent athletes, honored trainers and masters in kettlebell lifting.
After the closing ceremony, I talked with the chairman of the NGO "Belarusian Kettlebell Lifting Federation" Kaitan Nikolai Nikolayevich. nine0316
- How do you like the organization of the event and what can be summarized?
- Everything was organized very well, at the highest level. The hall, platforms, places for judges were prepared - everything was as it should be, and people who have taken part in these competitions more than once also noticed this, approached, thanked and noted the very high level of the competition.
- Now, in general, about kettlebell lifting. What trends are observed and what are the prospects for this sport? nine0316
- The trends are such that it is Western Europe and North America that are getting great development. They associate it as some kind of power fitness. And a large influx of women athletes. That is, they have this figure adjustment, this is general physical training, this is an opportunity to win something in such an interesting and, it would seem, for Western countries, unusual sport. They discover for themselves, this is new for them, so they are interested in it.
Kaitan Nikolay Nikolaevich
According to the results of the Republican Universiade in kettlebell lifting, the first place was taken by the team of the BelSUT, the third position was taken by the team of the Military Academy of the Republic of Belarus.
