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How to deal with people who are depressed


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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

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English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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What to do if a loved one is depressed: a psychologist explains

Reason and feelings

Adriana Imzh

December 14, 2016 14:31

Afisha Daily continues to ask for advice from the psychotherapist Adriana Imzh. This time we figure out how to behave if your friend, relative or loved one is depressed: is it worth feeling guilty for what is happening, will support and participation help him, and what to do if you are angry with him.

Writer Ella Derzai, when reading psychological materials on this topic, suggested replacing the word "depression" with the word "leprosy" - simply because many journalists do not try to figure out the meaning of this word. It seems to me that this approach well illustrates the difficulties of getting the name of the disease beyond the boundaries of psychiatry (when the word begins to denote a number of things that have nothing to do with the original problem). Imagine materials like "Ten Hot Drinks for Leprosy" or "How to Avoid Winter Leprosy?" nine0003

So what is depression? Depression is very different.

First, there are three levels of depression—mild, moderate (clinical), and severe (chronic). Mild depression usually goes away on its own in 2-3 months, medium depression can go away on its own or turn into severe depression, if it goes away on its own, then in six months to a year. As a rule, mild and moderate depression can be treated with a psychologist without the use of drugs, but with the use they are faster and easier.

You can no longer confuse severe depression with spleen: a person has a difficult time when he takes great care of himself, including in the sense of hygiene, it is difficult for him to get up, wash dishes, brush his teeth, clean the apartment, leave the house . In very bad situations, he forgets to eat and may die of hunger. nine0003

There is a masked depression - this is a depression in which a person is overly cheerful and constantly busy with something so as not to feel how bad he is, how tired and sad he is. This usually leads to a breakdown and the transition of depression to a severe stage.

Depressions are also of different types according to sensations. For example, asthenic depression is a severe loss of a resource due to (usually) heavy workloads and stress. It is characterized by an unpleasant feeling of a weight hanging from you, an inability to rejoice (you wake up in the morning - and it feels like you just worked two shifts in the mine). nine0003

Anasthenic depression, or depression with derealization, is characterized by a feeling that the world is not real, the walls are cardboard, the view outside the window is drawn, feelings have died out forever, the world has frozen. This type of depression can also accompany more severe mental diagnoses, such as schizophrenia. Also, depression can be with bipolar disorder - and in the other pole, a person is cheerful and full of energy.

Depression can be caused by a hormonal imbalance after childbirth or due to menopause and aging (in a number of modern countries, antidepressants are automatically prescribed for older people). Such depressions include, for example, postpartum depression. nine0003

Endogenous depression is caused by internal biochemical processes in the body, usually leads to lifelong medication, because the body is simply not able (or has lost this ability) to produce the necessary substances on its own. Sometimes - very rarely - such depression leads to such severe conditions that it may be the basis for euthanasia in countries where this is possible.

Atypical depression is usually accompanied by a number of other symptoms that are uncharacteristic of ordinary depression, such as severe anxiety, increased appetite (usually in patients before taking antidepressants, their appetite is just reduced), severe somatic pain. nine0003

Depression also differs in causes. Psychogenic depression is caused by severe stress, and psychotypical depression is caused by a predisposition of the nervous system and head injuries.

Also, depression can be childish and adolescent (in this category of patients, it usually occurs as a result of severe trauma - a terrible divorce of parents, school bullying, natural or man-made disasters, wars).

This is our set - quite diverse in terms of reasons, ages, statuses and manifestations. nine0003

Finding recommendations for relatives of all patients with depression is quite difficult. Therefore, it is probably worth starting with an understanding of what kind of depression your loved one has, how long it lasts and what is needed for it to pass.

For example, with asthenic and psychogenic, as well as with childhood and adolescent depression, rest and recovery, love and support of loved ones, hope - hope is very necessary - and faith in a brighter future. Over time, the body will recover itself. And while he is recovering, in general, the approach is the same as with a severe flu - remind him to take pills, hold his hand, stroke his head and sympathize with what is happening. nine0003

In more severe cases, care is very much needed: people in this state really find it difficult to do even household chores, and when taking antidepressants, when the body begins to recover, drowsiness also increases (and, as a rule, libido is depressed). Therefore, such things as many hours of sex, extreme sports, a trip to Burma for a week, snowball fights and long shopping trips will not lead to the fact that Princess Nesmeyana will come to life, but to the fact that she will turn into the shadow of Hamlet's father, which can only cursing indistinctly. He will also get sick for sure with something - from a banal cold to some exotic inflammation of the Achilles tendon and neuralgia. nine0003

If you are not the cause of depression in a person (you have not betrayed, you have not divorced, you have not tried to drown yourself in acid in a Joker costume), do not blame yourself. Depression, like cancer, is caused by a complex combination of different factors, and you are probably not the most important person there.

On the contrary, the ability to stay with a person in depression without depreciation (are you completely lazy?) is a jewelry art that is far from accessible to every person, even if he has a special education. nine0003

And it seems to me that an important factor in being around a depressed person is taking care of yourself. Remember that living next to someone who is constantly worried, afraid, or crying is also not easy. Do not lock yourself at home with him, otherwise depression will defeat you too. Look for support in work, friends, trips to nature (if it makes you happy), shopping, skydiving, watching funny comedies - in general, do not forget about yourself. Your life goes on - as does the life of a person with depression.

Don't forget about responding to aggression. If you are an ordinary active person who is used to living and enjoying life, then a slow, whiny, tired and weak person, who at the same time has not lost either arms or legs, will cause you a lot of irritation. Find yourself a place where you can swear at such a life and such a sad state of affairs. nine0003

Distribute your attention evenly so as not to leave the one who is nearby without support, food and help, and yourself without life and pleasures.

If your loved one is seriously ill for a long time, remember that there are support groups for relatives of patients with psychiatric diagnoses, as well as psychologists and psychotherapists who can support you too.

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Moscow State Universitypsychiadepressionsupporthumanitypsychology

people

Ekaterina Mikhailova

A loved one has depression. What to do?

Depression is a serious mental disorder that affects hundreds of thousands of people around the world. People experiencing the symptoms of this disorder are often left alone with their illness and do not want to see a specialist, citing the frivolity of their condition. Treating depression seems unnecessary and ineffective to them. And the one who finds himself next to a person suffering from depression cannot always correctly determine what is happening, and sometimes simply does not know how to behave. nine0003

When a person falls ill and his relatives do not support him, this drives him into even greater loneliness and hopelessness.

How do you know if your partner, friend or relative is depressed? This disease is almost always accompanied by a long-term decrease in mood - not for an hour or for one day. A person begins to notice only negative moments in daily events. More often, people who are depressed stop working or their performance is greatly reduced, they withdraw into themselves and stop actively communicating with family, children and friends. A depressed person may stop eating normally. That is, there must be a sudden change in behavior. Then you should start to worry and be more careful and delicate in dealing with such a person. Below we will tell you what you need to do in order not to harm your loved one who suffers from depression, but rather to help him cope with it. nine0003

Understand, accept and do not discount

In no case do not blame a person for his condition and do not persuade him to pull himself together. This will not help, but will only worsen his condition. After each such remark, the patient feels that he is not understood and accepted, and at this moment he needs your support so much. He may begin to close himself off from you, withdraw into himself and plunge into even more loneliness. The biggest problem with people with mental illness is that those around them do not understand and do not accept their condition. When a person falls ill and his relatives do not support him, this drives him into even greater loneliness and hopelessness. nine0003

A person may become depressed because of some negative event in his life, for example, due to failure at work or in personal relationships. In a state of depression, he begins to perceive even neutral events as unsuccessful, and your task is to help him not to concentrate on this. Explain that it is completely normal if something does not work out for him in his current state, because he is not in the mood, and he is sick. But next time, when there will be more motivation and strength, he will definitely succeed in the same. nine0003

See also

Why do we need a psychotherapist?

Joke kindly

When a person is depressed, sarcasm and cynicism may be perceived more painfully and sensitively than usual. Even if this person is your friend with whom you joke like that all your life, for a period of depression it is better to change the format of communication a little. The fact is that one of the symptoms of depression is constant self-flagellation and painful self-criticism, and sarcastic jokes can be taken seriously. But it’s possible and even necessary to joke and laugh in a kind way. Through humor, you can show that you support a person, that you are there. And even if it seems a little superficial to him, he will feel your sincere support and desire to help, and will accept it with gratitude. It won't cure his depression, but it will ease his suffering. nine0003

Stay close

If a depressed person does not live alone, then his family and loved ones should continue to lead a normal life and not show with all their appearance that there is a sick person in the house. For a depressed person, this will mean that life goes on and that he is expected to return to normal. If a person lives alone, his friends can visit him in turn. This is exactly what is required in the process of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy - the specialist helps the patient literally schedule meetings with friends so that he spends as little time as possible alone. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to forcibly seat him in a chair in front of him and read a book to him. Observe his condition and decide how best to spend time. Sometimes just talking or sitting on a bench is enough, but you can also go to the cinema or work out sports together. The less a person with depression is immersed in himself and the more he is in the company of other people, the faster the recovery. nine0003

Persuade you to see a psychologist

Some depressed people don't know they can see a specialist, it just doesn't occur to them. Some of them do not believe in their depression, while others do not believe in the help of psychotherapists. In all these cases, it can be shown that not only he suffers from the condition of the patient, but also you, his relatives. Try arguments like this: “We are all very worried that you are feeling so bad and want you to get well soon. There is a specialist who will speed up your recovery. If you don't want to go to him for your own sake, then at least go for us. It hurts us a lot to see you in this condition.” nine0003

Being close to a person suffering from depression is very difficult, especially if this person is not indifferent to you.

Explain to the person how his condition looks from the outside. Depending on the symptoms, he can behave irritably, aggressively, often cry and not talk to anyone - all this is important for him to tell and describe, since the patient is not always able to see the whole picture. Perhaps this will convince him that something serious is happening to him, and he will agree to seek help from a specialist. nine0003

Take care of yourself

Being close to a person suffering from depression is very difficult, especially if this person is not indifferent to you. You can become his main irritant, and it will take a lot of patience to continue to be around. It is very important to help, but you should not forget about yourself. Sometimes it's hard to leave a depressed person at home alone because of guilt in front of him. But it's important to give yourself time to go out, get some fresh air, change the scenery, and see your friends. All this is necessary to maintain their psychological health and continue to be useful to the patient.

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