Always irritated and angry

What causes irritability? Symptoms, severity, and treatments

When a person feels irritable, small things that would not usually bother them can make them feel annoyed or agitated. The resulting tension can make a person more sensitive to stressful situations.

Irritability is a common emotion. Many factors can cause or contribute to irritability, including life stress, a lack of sleep, low blood sugar levels, and hormonal changes.

Extreme irritability, or feeling irritable for an extended period, can sometimes indicate an underlying condition, such as an infection or diabetes. It may also be a sign of a mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression.

People may experience the following symptoms along with increased irritability:

confusion or difficulty concentrating
excessive sweating
a rapid heartbeat
fast or shallow breathing

In this article, we look at what can cause irritability in adults and children and provide tips for managing irritability.

Share on PinterestLife stress is one of the major causes of irritability.

Going through a stressful period can make a person feel more irritable than usual.

When someone experiences a stressful life event — which may tie in with work, school, trauma, or grief — they may find it more difficult to manage their emotions and can become overwhelmed. They may feel less tolerant of the people around them.

Feeling overwhelmed by life stress is normal, but prolonged periods of stress can lead to emotional exhaustion. Recognizing the early signs of stress and taking steps to relieve this feeling can help people avoid burnout.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) provide useful tips for coping with life stress.

Depression affects nearly 16 million adults in the United States. It can manifest in a wide range of symptoms and often causes persistent sadness, fatigue, and irritability.

One of the early signs of depression or a depression relapse is stronger feelings of irritability.

Irritability is more likely to be one of the symptoms of depression in men than in women, and it often occurs alongside aggressive feelings, risk-taking, and substance abuse.

The National Institute of Mental Health state that people may have depression if they experience any of the following symptoms for 2 or more weeks:

feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness
loss of interest in once pleasurable activities
fatigue
concentration or memory problems
headaches
digestive problems
sudden changes in appetite or weight

Not everyone experiences every symptom of depression. Symptoms can vary in severity and duration.

Feelings of anxiety often arise in response to stressful situations in life, such as problems at work, preparing for an important exam, or going through significant life changes. This type of anxiety usually goes away once the stressful situation passes.

However, anxiety may linger or worsen over time and can severely affect a person’s daily activities, work performance, and personal relationships.

If a person has excessive anxiety or worry that lasts for 6 months or longer, they may have generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), which affects up to 20% of adults in the U.S. each year.

The symptoms of GAD can occur in other types of anxiety disorder and may include:

irritability
a rapid heart rate
shallow breathing
muscle tension
difficulty concentrating or making decisions
problems falling asleep or staying asleep

People may also experience panic attacks. A panic attack refers to a period of intense fear that develops with little to no warning and peaks within minutes. The exact triggers vary from person to person, and they may not always be apparent.

People who experience panic attacks may find themselves worrying about when the next attack will occur. They might go out of their way to avoid situations, places, or behaviors that could trigger an attack. Thinking about triggers and panic attacks can make a person feel overwhelmed and irritable.

The term phobia describes an intense fear or aversion to a certain object, person, or situation.

Thinking about or having exposure to the phobic situation or item can make a person feel overwhelmed, panicky, and more irritable than usual.

People who have a phobia disorder may feel intense fear or anxiety about:

flying
heights
needles
blood
being outside
social situations
specific animals, such as dogs or snakes

Share on PinterestA lack of sleep can cause a person to feel irritable the next day.

Not getting enough sleep, or sleep deprivation, can make a person feel irritable the next day. Children are especially likely to be unusually irritable or emotional if they have not had enough good quality sleep.

If a person feels tired all of the time or finds that sleeping does not make them feel refreshed, they may have a sleep disorder that causes them to wake up regularly at night, such as insomnia or sleep apnea.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) state that one in three adults do not get enough sleep. They recommend that adults get at least 7 hours of sleep per night. Teenagers should get 8–10 hours per night, while babies may need up to 16 hours.

Getting enough good quality sleep is important for health. It plays a role in boosting mental performance, concentration, and immune system function, and it also reduces the risk of heart disease and depression.

People can boost their quality of sleep by adopting the following practices to improve their sleep hygiene:

avoiding eating large meals and drinking caffeine and alcohol before bedtime
sleeping in a dark, quiet room
removing electronic devices, such as televisions, computers, and phones from the bedroom
trying to fall asleep and wake up at the same time every day, including at weekends
getting regular exercise

Why Am I Always Angry? Causes, Signs, and More I Psych Central

Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it feels constant and unrelenting, it may be a sign of something more such as stress or anxiety.

It’s OK to get angry. Life doesn’t always happen in the way you want or need, and anger is a natural response to feeling wronged.

In fact, anger is considered one of the basic forms of emotion, critical to survival. Anger can kick off your biological threat responses, activating everything from your cardiovascular system to your neurological system.

But anger that is constant, excessive, or uncontrollable may go beyond levels that are beneficial and instead hinder you in day-to-day functioning.

There are many reasons you might experience anger in the moment, but anger all the time might have underlying causes.

On-going oppression and ancestral trauma

Tavi Hawn, a licensed clinical social worker from Baltimore, Maryland, explains that constant anger can be a result of socioeconomic factors, particularly for marginalized groups.

“Members of groups that have historically been subjected to oppression often experience higher levels of daily stress related to systemic factors, such as poverty, health conditions, discrimination, and even hate crimes,” they note. “All these daily experiences combined can lead to feeling very angry as a response.”

Grief

Hawn also indicates that active, compounded, or unresolved grief can contribute to ongoing feelings of anger.

“Our society today, with a need to be working constantly to make a living, doesn’t allow space and time for many people to grieve,” they say. “Having to keep on moving without a break to process a loss, without others around you acknowledging the loss, can create unresolved grief which can cause constant feelings of anger. ”

Expectations

While there may be many underlying causes that contribute to anger, Dr. Juli Kramer, a counseling psychologist specializing in Chinese medicine, indicates that persistent anger can often be traced back to expectations.

“Holding expectations is a dominant source of anger from my counseling experience,” she says. “Sometimes the expectations are realistic, but most often not. People feel a constant ‘let down’ when those expectations aren’t met.”

Stress

Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Los Angeles, lists several everyday reasons that can make you feel constantly angry when they happen over long periods of time.

These chronic stressors can include:

feeling not in control or helpless
being made to feel inferior
not being listened to
being disrespected
feeling threatened

“But if you find yourself angry almost always, it might be worth considering whether there are other underlying issues at play,” she says.

Anger can be passive, assertive, or aggressive. It’s not always violent, and it doesn’t have to result in harm.

Everyone experiences and expresses anger in their own way. Common signs that you may be feeling anger include:

elevated body temperature
sweating
rapid heartbeat
muscle tension
headache
flushed skin
clenched jaw
chest constriction
pacing
yelling
arguing
sarcasm
cursing
physical expression (e.g., throwing or breaking objects, physical violence)

Signs of anger may be accompanied by emotions such as:

humiliation
disrespect
insecurity
rejection
jealousy
abandonment
fear

You may also notice your thoughts move toward revenge, seeking justice, or wanting atonement.

Unrelenting anger can sometimes be a sign of a mental health condition.

While challenges with emotional regulation can be a symptom of several conditions, Ogle indicates that anger can often relate to:

anxiety disorders
depression
bipolar disorder
personality disorders
substance use disorders

Conduct disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder (IED) and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), may also feature traits of anger and aggression.

“If you’re living with chronic anger, it’s important to talk with a mental health professional who can help you determine whether or not you have a mental health condition that might be contributing to your anger,” she says.

While it’s natural to experience anger, uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on your life.

“People can start to avoid us because we’re not pleasant to be around or because our anger can be stressful to others,” Hawn states. “It can make it harder to compromise on things, which is key in relationships. Explosive anger can be scary to those around us and even be tied to abusive behaviors. It can end relationships altogether.”

In addition to social ramifications, uncontrolled anger can affect your physical and mental well-being. According to research from 2010, it may contribute to health challenges such as cardiovascular complications, diabetes, and eating disorders.

Understanding “why am I so angry?” is just one piece of the puzzle. In addition to finding where that emotion comes from, relief may require coping strategies.

Discovering the real emotion

Hawn recommends reflecting back when you realize you’re stuck in angry feelings.

They suggest, “Ask yourself: Is there another emotion that happened right before the anger? If so, what led to that emotion? How can I feel and honor that emotion? If not, what message is my anger giving me? Maybe a boundary was crossed, maybe I saw someone being mistreated or hurt and know it was unjust, etc.”

Stepping away

If you’re always feeling angry during certain events or around certain people, it’s OK to step away.

Kramer suggests that removing yourself from the situation may be required when you’re angry. “Literally, they [should] excuse themselves and walk away,” Kramer says. “Easy to say, hard to do. Having an ally, someone with whom they have a code word or cues to help them know when to leave is helpful.”

Once you’ve stepped away, Kramer suggests box breathing:

inhale for 4 to 7 counts
hold your breath for 4 to 7 counts
exhale for 4 to 7 counts
repeat until the anger is diminished

Practicing relaxation techniques

“There are several relaxation techniques that can help you calm down when you’re feeling angry,” says Ogle. “Try things such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises. This is a good start to learning how to control your anger overall.”

Lifestyle changes and outlets

Ogle indicates that some lifestyle changes can help you manage anger.

“Eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly can all help to improve your mood and reduce stress levels,” she says.

Exercise, art, recreational hobbies, and sports can also be used as outlets when you find yourself wondering, “why am I so angry?”

Support

Sometimes anger requires the support and insight of a mental health professional.

Working with a therapist can help you uncover underlying causes of anger and can help you explore coping strategies that work for you.

You may also benefit from joining support groups, online or in person, where anger management strategies can be discussed in an empathetic setting.

Yes. Venting can be OK.

“It’s important to have an outlet for your anger, whether that means talking with a friend or writing in a journal,” says Ogle. “Venting allows you to express your anger in a safe and controlled way, without hurting yourself or someone else.”

But venting can be unhelpful if it’s used to lash out at or harm others, makes you feel angrier, or starts to happen as a regular method of expression.

Asking yourself, “why am I so angry” can be the first clue that your anger has stuck around longer than it should.

While there are many reasons for anger to become a constant in your life, socioeconomic factors, chronic stressors, and underlying mental health conditions may all play a role.

Long-term anger can negatively impact your mental and physical well-being, but coping strategies and support from a mental health professional can help.

12 ways to calm down when everything pisses you off

January 24 A life

Take a deep breath and get your anger under control.

You can listen to the short version of the article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

We all get angry. A colleague interrupted at a meeting, the boss refused a promotion, a loved one let you down in a difficult moment - you probably began to get annoyed just remembering how something similar happened to you. And sometimes feeling angry is necessary. It gives strength to defend oneself and others in the face of injustice. This is a valid emotion, and you should not judge yourself for it. nine0003

But there is no need to blindly succumb to it. Sometimes anger paralyzes you so that you can't do anything and you lose control of the situation. Try one of the following methods to calm yourself down when you feel your emotions running high again.

1. Ask yourself if your anger is reasonable.

Take a few deep breaths and think about why you are angry.

“Before trying to get rid of anger, try to determine how reasonable it is,” advises psychologist Lauren Appio. Would it be natural for another person to be angry in such a situation? If yes, then you too. Such recognition does not mean that now you can lose your temper. It will simply help you understand your own needs.” nine0003

2. Consider whether anger is masking other feelings.

For example, fear, pain, or embarrassment. Such emotions make us feel weak, and we want to hide them. Try to breathe through your anger, but do nothing under its influence. Look under it. If you find another feeling there, deal with it: accept your feelings, change the situation, or express needs. Then the anger will subside.

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10 Acting Practices That Will Help You Masterly Express Your Emotions

3. Get out of the room

Change the scenery or simply move away from what fuels your anger. According to psychotherapist Anita Avedian, a walk in nature is especially useful in this case. It will help your body produce endorphins, hormones of joy that reduce the sensation of pain.

If a fit of anger occurs during a quarrel, do not leave silently. Let them know you need to be alone and let them know when you'll be back. nine0003

4. Talk to your inner child

Don't dismiss this advice. According to psychologist Margaret Paul, being angry at another person can be a signal that you are not taking care of yourself in a difficult situation. Talking to your inner child will help you identify what is wrong and be kinder to yourself.

“Imagine that the angry part of you is a hysterical child who really needs compassion,” advises Paul. “Imagine hugging him with kindness and compassion. Ask him why he is mad at you. You didn't stand up for yourself? Made a concession instead of honestly expressing your opinion? Are you ignoring your negative experiences? Once you understand the cause of your anger, it will be easier for you to let it go. nine0003

5. Identify the physical signals of your anger

Most people don't realize their anger until they do what it makes them do. Most likely, you also lashed out at someone, and then were amazed at your behavior. To prevent this from happening again, watch how your body physically expresses the emotion. For example, you tense your shoulders or jaw, bite your lip, or clench your hands into fists. Or maybe you lose the ability to think clearly and see only the object of your anger.

Write down these signals - this will help you quickly recognize them in the future. And to cope with such physical manifestations right now, breathe deeply and try to relieve tension from the muscles. nine0003

6. Relax the body

Tense the muscles of different parts of the body for five seconds, and then relax. Move in order: shoulders, forearms, hands, hips, shins, feet. This will help relieve physical tension and calm down.

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How to relax in 5 minutes: a simple relaxation technique

7. Watch something funny

Surely you have been in a situation where, in the midst of a quarrel, a loved one suddenly joked and the atmosphere instantly discharged. Of course, if you're fighting over something serious, it's likely to only complicate things. But if you're angry over something as simple as unwashed dishes, it might work. Try watching an episode of your favorite comedy series or a funny YouTube video. It is possible that the anger will disappear.

8. Listen to yourself

Did you not get enough sleep, did you have a hard day, or are you just hungry? In this state, it is easy to get angry because of some little thing, misunderstand the words of others and react irritably. Therefore, it is worth taking a nap or eating before you start a difficult conversation or go to a meeting with someone who can make you angry.

9. Consider whether the object of anger is really trying to hurt you

We have all taken a remark from a friend or partner too harshly at one time or another, especially if we felt bad or worried about work. Before reacting, stop and evaluate whether this person really wanted to hurt you. Most likely, you will notice that your stressed brain simply took this as a threat and tried to protect you. This will cool the anger. nine0003

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How to quarrel properly so as not to destroy relationships

10. Write a letter to the person you are angry with

And do not send it. This will allow you to express emotions, but do it constructively. Just do not write a message in a messenger or email: you can accidentally send them and then regret it for a long time (for example, if you are angry with your manager). Better use paper and pen. nine0003

11. Turn on the music

A favorite song, especially if it is associated with happy memories, will help dispel anger. Music has the power to transform emotions. In addition, you can dance under it and additionally let off steam.

12. Take care of yourself

If you regularly don't get enough sleep, overwork, eat poorly, move little, and don't spend time with your loved ones, you're more likely to get angry quickly. Taking care of yourself will help you become more balanced. nine0003

So make time for yourself, no matter how impossible it may seem with your schedule. Ask for help. Walk. Go to bed earlier. You deserve to live without constant tension and anger.

How not to lash out at loved ones: 8 effective techniques

Health

Author Uliana Smirnova

September 30, 2020

Protecting yourself from stressful situations is almost impossible. But learning to manage emotions and relieve stress without harm to others is quite realistic. We tell you how to stop taking it out on your loved ones

Anger is an innate self-defense mechanism. That is why it is so difficult to control. And given that stressful situations happen to us almost every day, even the most balanced people periodically lose their temper, giving vent to the accumulated aggression. In this case, family members most often fall under the hot hand. Here are some proven ways to help maintain health, nerves and relationships with loved ones.

Count to ten

If you feel irritated or angry, take a few deep breaths. According to Harvard University professor Andrew Weil, proper breathing is the key to self-healing. When a person is angry, he breathes quickly and shallowly or even holds his breath. If we begin to breathe measuredly and deeply, the tension recedes. The most common way is to slowly count to ten, concentrating on your breath. Try to make your exhalations longer than your inhalations. This way you will not only reduce the level of adrenaline, but also distract from what is bothering you. In addition, this technique is very effective in combating insomnia. nine0003

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Find a way to distract yourself

Switching attention away from the object of aggression is a paramount task, says psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema from the University of Michigan. Scrolling through unpleasant situations in our heads, we become nervous and provoke a new fit of anger. This is confirmed by the research of Professor Brad Bushman from Ohio University: if a person remembers something offensive, he reacts more sharply to even the slightest irritation. Thus, the writings of Bushman's students were criticized by a "dummy" student. Then some were asked to hit a pear and think about the offender, while others were asked to concentrate on their own movements. The subjects from the first group were more aggressive and vengeful. nine0003

Take a little time out

When people are very emotionally aroused, they tend to assess the situation inappropriately. If you feel like you are raising your voice, take a time out. This will help you avoid saying something you will regret later. Think about what exactly you want to convey to the interlocutor, and most importantly, how to do it without hysteria. The best solution would be a 20-minute walk alone. It will allow you to be distracted and give vent to anger without hurting yourself or others. Try to walk quickly and pay attention to everything that is happening around you. Instead of walking, you can dance, go to a workout or stretch. When you return, you can safely continue the conversation. nine0003

If you have already begun to say hurtful words, find the strength to stop and not continue. This will save not only nerves, but also relationships with loved ones. There are many ways to regain self-control. Before throwing out negative emotions, pause and carefully look at the person you want to offend. Most likely, there is someone in front of you who needs your support and love. Think about it and try to look at your reaction from the outside. It is also helpful to go to the mirror and look at yourself during the next outburst of anger. Remember how you look and remember every time you want to break into a scream. nine0003

Understand the cause of anger

Artificially maintaining a good mood and suppressing your feelings is harmful to health, psychologists say. And, on the contrary, the manifestation of emotions reduces stress levels and improves immunity. This conclusion was made by Tel Aviv University professor Giora Keinan. It is very important to learn to accept your feelings and express them correctly. Emotionally focused therapy experts say that anger is often a secondary emotion that masks fear, anxiety, shame, or guilt. Listen to yourself. If you are afraid of something, you can intentionally shake your whole body, relaxing your muscles. If you feel hurt, cry. If annoyed, scream into a pillow or turn on heavy metal. nine0003

Explore the triggers and stages of your anger: what are the most likely situations to provoke anger? It is also helpful to pay attention to the physical reactions that precede the rage. This may be a clenching of the jaw, a rapid heartbeat, a change in skin color, increased sweating, throbbing in the temples, a slight tingling in the neck or shoulders. Carefully observe such sensations: when do they appear and how do they pass? This knowledge will help you stay calm and collected in any situation. If you feel that you are starting to "boil", use the techniques described above. Over time, the right reactions to anger will become automatic. nine0003

Share with loved ones

Another way to get your emotions under control is to seek support from loved ones. Overcoming obstacles alone is much more difficult. Tell them about your temper tantrums and how you're trying to work on yourself. Explain that you regret relapses and understand the importance of learning how to solve problems in a more civilized way. In this way, you will make it clear that the feelings of your loved ones and relationships with them are very important to you. Most likely, they will not only listen carefully and try to understand, but also give some useful recommendations. You can also ask family members to praise you every time you have managed to hold back negative emotions. nine0003

Think of a safe word

Find a way to remind yourself that it's time to stop. For example, come up with a stop word with your loved ones. If one of you says it, both of you are trying to end the quarrel. This won't resolve disagreements, but it will allow you to avoid pointless insults and move on to a constructive discussion when you're calm. In addition, it is useful to make a memo for yourself with a couple of sobering phrases. You can write: “Is it more important for me to express dissatisfaction or save the relationship?” Always keep the recording close at hand and re-read to reduce the emotional intensity at the right time. The ability to stop a quarrel seems to some people a weakness, although this is precisely a sign of strength. nine0003

Keep a diary of emotions

What can't be expressed out loud can be written on paper. This not only helps to get rid of destructive feelings and look at the problem from a different angle, but also perfectly develops emotional intelligence. Try keeping a anger diary for a month. Write down all the instances of angry outbursts, their causes and the emotions that you experienced at the same time. Feel free to express yourself. Soon you will notice that you have become better able to distinguish between your states and feelings. And most importantly, you can intentionally avoid those situations that most often cause bouts of anger. By the way, such a diary does not have to be kept on paper. You can use one of the mobile applications. nine0003

Rethink your daily routine

A common cause of relapses is chronic stress. Perhaps you are not getting enough sleep, not moving enough, not eating right, or not able to switch from work to rest. Take your anger as a signal that something needs to change. Try to find time every day to maintain physical and emotional health. You can find yourself a pleasant calming hobby, spend time with your loved ones more often, master meditation or yoga. Most likely, after a good rest, the problem will no longer seem so significant. If you cannot cope with attacks of aggression alone, we advise you to seek help from a psychotherapist.

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