Love yourself guy

A Guide To Self-Love For Men – MindJournal

• Self-Care

by MindJournal - 7 min read

"To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness." - Robert Morely 

Oh, right… but isn't self-love a bit (insert word here)? 

Nope. That's just a myth.

Loving yourself isn't selfish, narcissistic or sexy - not if you don't want it to be, anyway. 

It's just a healthy way of validating and appreciating your own needs.

And the truth is men who take the time to love themselves are far more positive, confident and resilient.

But we'll get to why in a minute.

First things first...
 

What Is Self-Love?

Basically, self-love is the process of valuing, accepting, and caring for yourself in a healthy and balanced way. 

You can do this by taking the time to recognise your strengths and - in the kindest way possible - any areas that need improvement. In turn, this can help you to set and achieve personal goals, building a healthier relationship with yourself - and others. 

Essentially, self-love is about treating yourself with kindness and respect. Achieve it, and you'll be on your way to leading a happier and more fulfilling life.

And contrary to popular belief, this practice isn't 'feminine' (not that that's a bad thing), but images of Bridget Jones and boxes of tissues aren't what we're talking about here.

The reality is men can need self-love more than most.

Why Do Men Need Self-Love?

We're often told about the "modern man" - someone who's open, comfortable in his own skin and knows that vulnerability isn't the opposite of courage but the definition of it.

Sounds alright, doesn't it?

The problem is: this guy's still not as common as we're led to believe.

Movember asked 4,000 men what they thought it meant to be masculine. Worryingly, across all ages groups, a familiar pattern emerged:

"[To be manly/masculine is to be] strong, not open about feelings, always fix everything." - Canadian man, aged 25- 34

"[To be manly/masculine is] someone who doesn't like sharing their feelings or discussing them. " - Australian man, aged 35-44

"[To be manly/masculine is to] always try to act tough even when you feel like you just want to break down and cry." - British man, aged 45-54

This doesn't sound much like the "modern man", does it? Dig a little deeper, and there's even more evidence to suggest that men are in need of some self-love.

Further research suggests that:
 

• Only 45% of men said they believe other people generally like them.

• As little as 19% of men say they think they are attractive.

• Just 42% of men feel self-confident in their ability to do their job.

• Only half of the men surveyed believe they're intelligent.

With all that uncertainty, maybe men aren't quite as comfortable in their own skin after all. But what about grooming, going to the gym etc., I hear you say. That's all great and important. But it's not self-love.

Self-Care Vs Self-Love

Self-care and self-love might sound similar. But, in reality, they've only got one thing in common:

They're both essential for a happy life. 

The difference between the two is that self-care means looking after yourself physically and mentally. It's the things we do each day to maintain and improve our well-being, like getting into a regular sleeping pattern, eating well or tuning out of work at the weekends. 

On the flip side, self-love is a mindset. It's the attitude and belief that you're worthy of love and respect. This means accepting yourself - warts and all - and not sacrificing your welfare to please others.

The good thing is: self-love and self-care aren't mutually exclusive. Essentially, once you start practising some TLC in your mind, it's much easier to start taking care of the rest of yourself too.

Sounds good. But what does self-love look like in reality?

Examples Of Self-Love

Practising self-love looks a little different for everyone. However, some things ring true for all types of guys.

Not sure how to start loving yourself? No problem, start with one of these:

• Celebrate the wins (big and small) - met that deadline in good time? Or maybe you chipped a bit more off your credit card this month. Whatever it is, give yourself some praise - you deserve it.
• Make room for "me" in the calendar - achieving work-life balance these days can feel easier said than done. But it's not impossible. Just show yourself the same commitment you would any other task and dedicate some time for yourself each day. Can't see the wood for the trees? Find some space in your schedule to do this with the Balance Planner.
• Be mindful of the present - whether it's five minutes of morning meditation or a 30-minute mindful run, try not to "future trip" and instead focus on the present. If you love this moment, live in it for a while.
• Practice gratitude - maybe it's your hobbies, pet or how close you live to the park on a sunny day - it doesn't matter. Start recognising the things in life that make you happy. Feeling the benefits? Keep it up in your MindJournal. In fact, there's evidence to suggest that daily gratitude journaling can strengthen relationships, improve sleep, and increase the joy you feel.
• Be your no.1 fan - don't wait to hear it from someone else; tell yourself you're doing alright. You deserve positive affirmations, and no one knows that more than you.
• Build a positive self-image - we're not talking about physical self-care, no weight lifting here. This is about challenging negative thoughts about your body - and learning to love it as it is.
• Let it go - it's not always easy, but tuning out negativity and focusing on what makes you happy is a great way to practice self-love.
• Set some boundaries - learn to say "no" to things that don't align with your values or negatively affect your health, physical or mental. Sometimes this means looking at those we surround ourselves with.
• Building positive relationships - finally, look outside of yourself and at the people in your life. Only connect with those who care for you and will help support your sense of self-worth and belonging.

Sound like a lot? Relax. The very act of self-love is to be a bit kinder to yourself. So start slow, show yourself some compassion, and you'll begin to feel the benefits in no time.

So What Are The Benefits Of Self-Love?

There are almost too many to mention. But start showing yourself some love today, and you could benefit from any number of the following:

• Better self-acceptance - undoubtedly, the practice of self-love can help you accept who you are. Essentially, there’s no better way to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.

• Improved self-esteem - consequently, loving and accepting yourself as you are will boost your sense of self-worth.

• Stronger relationships - and when you have a healthy sense of self-worth, you’re more likely to attract and maintain positive relationships with others.

• Become more self-aware - self-love makes you more aware of your feelings, needs and values. Consequently, self-awareness helps you make better decisions for yourself.

• Heightened self-compassion - you’ll also find it easier to give yourself a break. Self-love enables you to be kinder, more understanding and less judgmental towards yourself.

• Increased resilience - by going easier on yourself, you’ll become better equipped to handle difficult situations, ignore your inner saboteur and bounce back from setbacks.

• Improved physical and mental health - when you love yourself, you’re more likely to take better care of your physical health and make healthier choices. And by feeling better on the outside, you’ll also boost your mental health.

• Greater overall well-being - loving yourself can lead to a greater sense of purpose, passion and a much more positive outlook on life.

Essentially, take the time to start loving yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

So why wait? When you’re living with yourself 24/7, investing in this relationship feels like a no-brainer.

There’s only one piece missing from this puzzle: you need to start believing it yourself. Just remember: you’re worthy of happiness. And everyone around you likely knows it too.

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How to make a man fall in love with you: proven ways and life hacks

18+

Everyone dreams of meeting her prince and living happily ever after with him. However, practice shows that simply meeting is not enough. Find out how to make a man fall in love with you - and then decide how you can use this information!

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No man can resist you if you treat him right. Everything is important here - both behavior and the right words. We have collected psychological tricks that will help you fall in love with a man. Now we will tell you exactly how, and you will check.

Give the guy the opportunity to "command the parade"

Don't know how to make a man fall in love with you? Remember school lessons! How was the life of ancient people? Men went hunting, and women created comfort and kept the hearth. Do you think everything has changed? Not at all! It's the 21st century, and men still unconsciously strive to build relationships according to the same ancient model. You can treat this in different ways, but this technique works!

How do you know if he is in love with you?

It is important for them to be leaders. They still want to "get food", to be the head of the family, and not its "tail". A sense of their own importance in a relationship with a woman allows them to fulfill this need. So let him do it! Give him a chance to take care of himself. Let him always have the last word (at least let him think so).

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Make him feel like a hero

Every man secretly dreams of being a Superman. Ask for his opinion, consult with him and be interested in his point of view. These simple tricks will help any man fall in love with you. It is very important for the stronger sex to understand that they are valued. From time to time ask him to help you. Make him feel irreplaceable.

Say, for example, that you just need to hang a shelf, but you can’t do it yourself. A real man will not only not refuse, but at the same time hang a picture for you, move a closet and fix the faucet in the bathroom. Remember, men are ready to work tirelessly, but only on one condition: it is important for them to see respect in our words and deeds.

Don't encroach on his freedom (and don't rush to sacrifice yours)

As you know, you can't be nice by force. Keeping someone against their will next to you is, frankly, an impossible task. To make a man fall in love with you, forget about frequent calls, texts and constant spending time together. Let a man feel free and not soul him with your love - however, this advice is suitable for any relationship, not just romantic ones. Don't be jealous of his friends. Every man should be able to escape for a day or two. Not to the left! And to go fishing, to the cottage with friends, to the bathhouse or just to your own world. Give him the opportunity to be alone with himself. And live your own life - there is no need to merge in ecstasy with your chosen one without days off and lunch breaks.

Let him be proud of you

It is important for him to see that you attract the attention of others and to feel that his choice is approved. If you are friendly and welcoming with his relatives and friends, this is a huge plus.

Be internally free

No need to tell him about every step you take and try to spend as much time together as possible. Meet friends, visit your parents, communicate with interesting people. When a girl is constantly at her side and reports her every step, a man simply stops paying attention to her.

Make him feel comfortable

Try to create trust between you. Every man needs to share his feelings sometimes. He must understand that you are always ready to listen to him and support him in difficult times. Don't roll your eyes when it comes to his hobbies. If they seem boring to you - perhaps there is no point in wasting time building relationships with this man?

Don't know what words to say to a man to make him fall in love? Talk about his hobbies! Is he crazy about fishing and joins the ranks of hiking fans? Just keep him company! By getting to know his hobbies better, it will be much easier for you to win his heart. Yes, and he will be pleased to realize your interest in his hobby.

Be generous with praise

Every man loves praise. Try to say nice things to him more often. The main thing is not to overdo it and not turn innocent compliments into rude flattery. It’s not worth telling at every step how beautiful he is. Here we are talking about respect and recognition of its undeniable merits. You don’t want your relationship to be based on the “cuckoo praises the rooster for praising the cuckoo” model, do you? By the way, praise is another, and a sure way, way to increase his self-esteem.

Be different

As you know, men love with their eyes. This does not mean at all that you need to put tons of cosmetics on your face and disappear all day long in SPA salons in order to make a man fall in love with you. A girl should be well-groomed, not vulgar. Natural beauty combined with feminine secrets of attractiveness is your main weapon in the fight for his heart.

Cook a delicious dinner

Here we remember about the way to the heart through the stomach. Invite him over and cook a delicious dinner. At the same time, you will see if his table manners correspond to your ideas about the prince.

Be humble

Sounds provocative, of course. No, this does not mean that you should lower your eyes when he speaks and dress like a school teacher. First of all, do not "unwind" a man if you want to make him fall in love with you. Don't be too pushy, demanding, and don't complain to him. Whims and threats - this is what only irritates and causes hostility. You should not engage in self-promotion every minute and tell how good you are, listing your virtues and praising yourself.

The time will come and he will see for himself. Prove it with deeds, not words. Always remain a mystery to him. Do not rush to dedicate a man to all the vicissitudes of your past life. Do not bore him with excessive talkativeness: this can spoil the impression of communication in an instant.

A few extra tips:

• Remember that seducing and falling in love are two different things. It is unlikely that a man will respect you if you do not respect yourself.
• Love a man not for his achievements, position in society or money. Love him for what he is without what you can lose tomorrow.
• Men will never understand our logic, so just tell it like it is and he will try to respond adequately.
• Believe in him. Life brings many disappointments. Any man, like air, needs a man who will believe in him, no matter what. When they make mistakes, stumble and lose, they need a loved one, the one who will whisper the words “I will never stop believing in you” in your ear.

How does a man in love behave? It is inexplicable, but true: men like to hide their feelings. He may be head over heels in love with you, but behave with restraint at the same time. Or vice versa, give bouquets, wear them in your arms and passionately confess your love, but only to drag you into bed. In order not to become another trophy of such a Casanova, you must know the signs that distinguish love from passion:

• A man in love takes care of his appearance and willingly adapts to your tastes. The stronger sex is generally lazy in this regard, they are conservative in clothing and style. It is love that makes them change.
• If a man is in love with you, he is unlikely to stand a direct look. On the contrary, he will be characterized by embarrassment and furtive peeping.
• A sure sign of a man in love is a manifestation of care. He will be interested in your affairs and help you solve problems.
• A man who is truly in love will consider you the center of his life. The rest of the affairs and hobbies, if they are in no way connected with you or your general activities, will concern him much less.
• Men in love do not insist on sex. For them, a woman is an object of worship, to which they go, conquering and performing feats. A man in love needs your feelings, ideally - reciprocal love, not sex.

How do men in love behave according to the sign of the zodiac?

The sign of the zodiac determines not only the character of a person, but also behavior in various situations. If you know the date of birth of your man, then you can determine if he is in love with you by comparing his actions with the descriptions below.

Aries . They will not court for a long time and will quickly open their feelings. If you refuse him, he will start looking for a new object of desire. If you show reciprocity, a man under the sign of Aries will surround you with real care and attention.
Taurus . Calm in everyday life, they change dramatically when they fall in love. They begin to show initiative, unusual for them before, become nervous, gesticulate more. They begin to take care of their appearance.
Gemini . Having fallen in love, they will begin to shower you with gifts sparing no money and effort to purchase them. They will begin to show unprecedented care and insist on frequent meetings.
Crayfish . A man in love under the sign of cancer becomes very persistent, even obsessive. He begins to write a lot of messages, often call, meet and see off at any convenient opportunity.
Lions . When a Leo man is in love, he will strive to please you in everything, but he will not admit his feelings very soon, you will have to be patient.
Virgo . Men under this zodiac sign, falling in love, may show not quite typical behavior and even show rudeness. But this is all due to excessive shyness. If you play along with him a little, he will quickly open up and confess his true feelings.
Scale . These lovers will spend maximum time with you. However, they will not force the development of relations. It is important for them to make sure of reciprocity, so long friendships are the norm for them.
Scorpions . Usually a stingy scorpio man will not regret anything if he truly falls in love with you. He will start constantly calling and looking for any reason to meet.
Sagittarians . For them, spiritual closeness and the presence of common interests are important. Having fallen in love, they will make many gifts and try to take an important place in your life.
Capricorn . They are very insecure, so on dates they will behave constrainedly. But over time, they will grow bolder, and their feelings will gradually get stronger and then they will already manifest themselves in full force.
Aquarius . An Aquarius man, having fallen in love, will become very jealous. It may even be pissed off when he sees that you are just talking to another man.
Fish . They will begin to give hundreds of flowers, sing songs, write poems, make original surprises. In general, every day you will hear compliments and receive nice gifts.

Psychologist's blog: how to love yourself - once and for all

• Elena Savinova
• Psychologist

October 24, 2018

Photo by Rowan Staszkiewicz/PA Wire

"Love yourself!" This common advice, like a magic pill for all ills, remains an abstract category for many.

It's annoying, because it is perceived as another "hold on" or "take care of yourself." And it looks like a mockery of a person who is already having a hard time.

A lot of problems - because one has not been solved

- I turned to a psychologist because a lot of problems have piled up, - says a pretty, but tired woman. - It was necessary to decide how to continue to live with her husband, whether to forgive him for treason. There is also a problem with my son - he has become completely naughty, you cannot force him to do his homework. And I also had a fight with my mom. And the psychologist advised me to take care of myself. Like, love yourself - and everything will work out. Yeah, now I'm going to drop everything and start loving myself. Good thing he didn't take the money.

And although the woman kept asking why she was so unlucky, saying that she did everything right, that she was a good wife and mother, her situation is quite typical. For those who are accustomed to neglect their own interests, living the needs of other people.

When you say this to our selfless mothers, grandmothers, reliable employees, they sincerely do not understand where they made a mistake. They wanted the best. That's just a question - better to whom and for whom. As it turned out - just not for them.

I don't want to and I won't

The author of the photo, Science Photo Library

For many, especially for people with sacrificial inclinations and insecure, the concept of self-love is associated with selfishness and does not coincide with their worldview. I note right away that loving yourself and being an egoist or a narcissist are two different things.

Egoism is based on excessive anxiety and fear of rejection by others. Indeed, in the depths of his soul, such a person is sure that there is nothing to love him for. However, he is in dire need of recognition, so he tries to emphasize his own significance with external effects.

• Psychologist's blog: about narcissists and how to recognize them
• Psychologist's blog: is it okay not to love a sister or brother?
• Psychologist's blog: why do we tell lies?

Almost all of us have been taught to be obedient (convenient for others), to help - usually against our will. And as a rule, they were ashamed if we did not fulfill the requirements of adults just because we simply did not want to.

For example, the standard situation, when he didn't learn his lessons because he played football or didn't sit with his younger sister, but went to the cinema, was perceived by parents as a crime and was severely punished. As a result, the children understood that doing what you want is a shame. Moreover, even wanting something pleasant only for oneself is somehow bad.

On the other hand, if you try all the time, endure, prove something to someone, they praise you, which means they love you. So you are good. That is, in order to be loved, you need to do not what you want, but what they want from you.

Remember what you want

Now it is clear where the fears and complexes of those who are accustomed to the idea that love is suffering, love must be sought, and happiness must be fought for, are rooted.

It would seem that one can live like this, and many live as if not their own life, without thinking about their own needs. But muffled desires, unrealized interests remind of themselves with irritation, neurosis, a feeling that you are not living, but wasting time.

Image copyright, In Pictures Ltd./Corbis via Getty Images

Be guided by your own desires when making any decision, the psychologist advises

That's why you need to return to yourself or - to love yourself. This is not as difficult to do as it seems. The main principle is that when making any decision: from what to eat for breakfast, what dress to wear, to where and with whom to live, be guided solely by your own desires.

This may initially cause internal resistance. After all, you are used to living for someone and have unlearned wanting something. Moreover, you yourself, oddly enough, were somewhat more comfortable this way, since it allowed you to avoid responsibility for everyday decisions. They did it because the husband wanted it, it was better for the parents. So, you are just an executor of someone else's will.

"I didn't even know it was possible"

A client who complained about life, looking at it from a different angle, suddenly understood. She hasn’t wanted to live the way she used to for a long time, but she herself was afraid to make a decision. Therefore, she "grabbed" her husband's betrayal, the fact of which, by the way, has not been proven. And she came to a psychologist so that he would decide what to do.

As a result, my husband and I temporarily separated. Solving problems in family life, the woman was distracted from excessive custody of her son. And he, realizing that no one would do his homework for him, as was customary, began to study himself. Feeling that his mother was not up to him, he even cleaned the room and washed the dishes.

“Forgetting” about the offense, the client just called her mother, who, by the way, was in conflict with her daughter precisely because, in her opinion, she abandoned her career ambitions and devoted herself to her family. Contrary to expectations, the mother also supported her daughter and suggested that her grandson live with her for a while.

One on top?

Image copyright EyesWideOpen/Getty Images

People who decide to "love themselves" often ask if their loved ones, relatives and friends will not turn away from them, so obsessed with themselves. And, they say, will they not be left alone at the top of their own perfection.

Worrying about what others will think just shows that a person does not yet love himself. He is still worried about how his decision will be perceived, whether he will hurt someone, whether he will offend. As well as about the habit that has not yet been eradicated to "earn" a good attitude towards oneself, to pay for it with words and deeds.

To be honest, there will be fewer people in your orbit. Those who are used to using your self-doubt will depart. Those for whom you were a convenient cat and house flower guardian, a free driver, a source of interest-free long-term credit and a vest.

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