Love triangle who do i choose quiz

True Love Test - What is Your Love Type?

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True love testing based on the Sternberg's Triangular Theory

A truly deep relationship is impossible without emotional intimacy. The need to be loved and accepted is a natural one for every person. Many believe that the desire to be with someone in a close relationship and to be loved is the basic human need around which the whole life of the person builds. Anyway, we admit that without satisfying the need for love, our happiness will never be complete.

The scientists say that there are three main components necessary to build a truly strong, long-lasting relationship. They are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The proportional harmonious development of each of these factors improves your relationship in general, and the lack of any of them leads to problems and disharmony in the relationship. This test is based on Sternberg's Triangular Theory on three components and seven types of love relationships.

The test will clarify your relationship or simply confirm your guesses and considerations. We hope that the test results will tell you the way for developing further relations with a partner and help to pay attention to crucial aspects of harmonious relations. In any case, your desire to take the test indicates your willingness to work on establishing an even stronger bond and real closeness with a partner.

Test Your Relationships Online

Please note, that the test is designed to provide a general understanding of your relationship development level for your fun, and its results are by no means medical recommendations or recommendations of a certified specialist. If you are experiencing serious problems in a relationship with a partner, we highly recommend contacting a specialist for help.

Am I in Love or Lust? I Psych Central

Relationship Quiz: Am I in Love or Lust? I Psych Central

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Medically reviewed by Karin Gepp, PsyD — By Psych Central Staff — Updated on May 23, 2022

Entering a new relationship can be exciting and bring up a bunch of positive emotions. If you’ve recently started dating someone, you may ask yourself: Is it love or just lust?

Lust is mainly sexual or physical, with no desire to bond with the person on a deeper level. Love, in contrast, involves feelings of intimacy, vulnerability, and putting in the effort to build a stronger connection.

Certain signs may help you figure out whether you’re feeling love or lust toward your new partner. This relationship test can help.

This brief questionnaire is designed for anyone who might be wondering whether they’re feeling lust or love for the person they’re now dating.

This love or lust quiz is meant to help you answer questions like:

Am I falling in love?
How do I know if I’m in love?
Is it lust?

This “am I in love quiz” is not meant to tell you if you should stay in your relationship long term or not. But you can use this lust or love quiz to find out how you might be feeling right now toward the person you’re dating.

Depending on your responses to this love test, you can also understand whether you’re in love with your partner or experiencing lust.

Keep in mind that every person approaches dating, love, and their unique love language differently. So be sure to trust your gut and deeply assess your emotions before deciding if you’re willing to commit to this person.

If you always ask yourself this question or you typically experience conflicting emotions in relationships, speaking with a therapist can help you navigate dating in healthier ways.

Instructions

Answer the questions below honestly about the person you have feelings for, and we’ll score the quiz and let you know the likelihood of love.

This online screening is not a diagnostic tool. Only a trained medical professional, like a doctor or mental health professional, can help you determine the next best steps for you.

Ready to start therapy? Our Find a Therapist resource may help.

Last medically reviewed on May 23, 2022

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Medically reviewed by Karin Gepp, PsyD — By Psych Central Staff — Updated on May 23, 2022

Love triangle: what to do | Passion.ru

Hairpins against men leading a double life and open condemnation of traitors do not prevent us, women, from becoming at the head of the triangle where there is HE and ... more HE. Passion.ru will try to deal with this geometric figure by answering the question of what to do if you love two men.

I love two men

From the stories of Dash and Masha, who loved Sash and Vasya and did it at the same time, the Internet is already overflowing. There are heated discussions on the forums about whether it is possible to love two men. It seems that the answer "yes" is given only by those who are "lucky" to face this in their lives. Most of the members of the forum are indignant and categorically declare that you can only love one.

If you find yourself between two men as if between two fires, but from their flame you no longer warm yourself, but burn, then this article is for you.

All the talk about whether it is possible or impossible to love two men - a transfusion from empty to empty. No one has a correct definition of love, although there are many definitions, but none of them contain information about the possible number of lovers.

It is difficult to give an unambiguous answer to the question whether it is possible to love two men. For every argument, there is a counterargument, and word for word, an unnecessary dispute will flare up again. And the cart will remain, as in the well-known fable, where it stood.

So today we will proceed from what you tell us. You say you can love two? So it's possible. Let's consider what this situation can lead to.

Is it worth loving two?

There are exceptional situations when your men know about the presence of each other, and even - unbelievable! - they don't mind. And if you find yourself in such a situation, nothing gnaws at you and everything is fine, then there is nothing to talk about - free will.

But still, most women who are "lucky" to become the owner of two princes at once, experience discomfort. And certainly not without reason.

Why is it better to stop love on two fronts? Are there any "iron" arguments? Let's proceed from the facts, which, as it seems to us, will be supported by the absolute majority.

1. Love = give + receive

If we consider love only from a consumer position, then we are unlikely to want to lose at least one man. However, if you consider your relationship as an adult, then you should think about your responsibilities and duty. Doing all this for two people is hard. More mentally than physically.

2. The golden rule of morality

The ancient saying “Do towards others as you would like others to do towards you” has become the basis not only of world religions and teachings, but also of the behavior of many people on the planet.

In this section, one simple question will help you decide whether to continue a relationship with two men. Ask yourself "Do I want to be "one of" my man?" Most likely, you won't have to think about the answer.

3. Some psychologists say that love for two men is just filling in the missing emotions. Being in a relationship with two men, you sign that you cannot create a full-fledged relationship.

Elena Shubina, psychologist, body wellness-therapist says that “... our soul is hardly more complicated than... a linen closet with many shelves. If one shelf is occupied, then you can’t put anything on it, but the other is just free and needs to be filled. Therefore, happy are those people whose partners managed to be so versatile people as to fill the maximum of shelves.

The rest, alas, will be "carried away" from time to time. Not always in treason, not always “with a head”, but it will be - a person cannot live for a long time in a lack of emotions or sincerity, or the same intellectual exchange.

4. Stress

Loving two men can make you exhausted and tense over time. After all, every man has his own life and communication, so your behavior should always be “in style”, and therefore you need to put it under the constant control of your inner censor. And God forbid you relax - a fatal mistake is inevitable!

In general, loving two men is, on the one hand, pleasant, but on the other hand, it is still very difficult. In love, there are already enough difficulties, and creating them with your own hands is a thankless task.

Time to choose

So, if you still decide that you no longer have the strength to love two men, then it's time to choose. Let's figure out how to determine to whom your feelings are stronger, as well as how to make the right choice.

But before you do it, it is important to remember one moment of “the right choice”: “Relax! - advises Elena Shubina. - Whatever choice you make, at first you will regret it, and then you will realize that everything was for the best. This is how it works our psyche is, if you like, a phenomenon. The same effect will be observed if you buy a new blouse and choose between two. Or get a job.

Only one thing a person should not cross - it is through his moral principles. Because everything passes and, in the end, we are all left alone with ourselves and ... the knowledge of how we acted. We remain either with respect or without respect for ourselves. Believe me, if you decide on an act for which you will not respect yourself, it is better not to do it. It will be more valuable to you in every way.”

Triangle 1: you and 2 of your lovers

Often this situation occurs before the first marriage, when a girl is just building a relationship with a man. They meet, have a good time together, but then suddenly HE appears - and with his behavior shows that it can be different. And this "different" also makes the girl happy. And here already, as in advertising - "so different, but still we are together." And together the three of us, but only the girl knows about it.

Determine the strength of feelings and make a choice

As a rule, men in this case are opposites, and their simultaneous presence in your life indicates that you yourself do not know exactly what kind of man you need in general. The question is global: think about it, but not in the context of "Sasha or Misha."

Decide what qualities a man must have in order for you to want to build a relationship with him. Perhaps both of your princes, after such reflections, will lose their former attractiveness, and love will fade a little. To succumb to the tricks of emotions (“I feel good with him”) means to let everything take its course. Perhaps if you think through the problem more coldly, it will be easier for you to make a choice.

The method is banal, but, nevertheless, effective - compare in the table all the good and bad qualities of one and the second man. At the same time, do not forget to add to the pros, if you have experienced something with a man, all serious events are a story that brings you together. You may be a little better with someone else, but when everything is good in life, it is not difficult to be in a relationship. And if you ever have to go through some kind of difficulty, then this is where your real intentions and feelings will manifest.

And... try a coin. After all, this is a magical way! No, we are by no means suggesting that you entrust your fate to the metal product of the activity of the main bank of the country. But when the coin is still in the air, you know what option you are waiting for. It remains to finally understand why, and make an informed decision, already knowing what your heart is telling you.

Triangle 2: you, husband and lover

This topical triangle has long become one of the most favorite topics for jokes, in which the husband goes on a business trip, and the lover certainly hides in the closet. What to do if such anecdotes for you have already ceased to be funny?

Determine the strength of feelings and make a choice

Alexandre Dumas son said that the bonds of marriage are so heavy that only three of us can carry them. Someone can feel the share of sarcasm here. But, most likely, when you start a lover, you are running from some difficulties in relations with your husband, even if you are beloved.

In this situation, consider whether you are ready to go through the same thing that you went through with your husband with another person in order to create a solid foundation for a new family. Better yet, think, is the Third one ready? After all, now he is only a consumer of the good, and so it is very easy for him to play the role of a gentle person who feels you subtly. You, most likely, solve all pressing problems with your husband, all daily difficulties remain at home.

And one more important point: now you are in fact cheating on the husband you love (although this, of course, is a dubious excuse for cheating on ). By making your lover man number one (end of the list), will you lose his respect and trust? After all, he knows for sure that you are capable of treason even with love for your husband, and there is no guarantee that this will not happen again.

Let's deal with simple weighing.

Your husband is on the same scale: with all the good qualities (for which you love him!), with all your joint history (which, in fact, led to the fact that you got married ) and with certain shortcomings (a gap through which your desire to find someone else broke through in life). On the other side is a lover. You don't have the same story as you do with your husband, so he will always be candidate number 2. Highlight only the good qualities in him that your husband doesn't have.

Psychologists say that in a situation where you love both your husband and your lover, there is often a routine that has appeared in your family. And a lover is just an emotional shake-up. Imagine for a second what would change if your husband and lover switched places. Do you like this situation? How will your lover behave? Dream up!

Remember that in such a situation no one can tell you. Sometimes it also happens that a woman receives a charge of good emotions from a second man and returns home to create happiness for her husband. And everyone seems to be happy.

If you feel that you have the strength to live like this, and this does not resonate with your values and moral principles, then no one can help you solve the problem of "love for two men." Because problems, in general, are not observed.

Being in such a situation, many are tormented by the question of whether to tell their husband that another, also beloved, has appeared. Here is what psychologist Elena Shubina says: “Everything depends on the goal. If the goal is to leave , then it's probably worth it. It's more honest. He will find out sooner or later anyway . .. And if you want to tell, just to share, it’s better not to - this will hurt a loved one and provoke additional problems. We already hurt each other a lot, so it’s worth once again thinking about how to “hit” again.”

Triangle 3: you, your husband/man with whom you are in a committed relationship, and your ex-boyfriend/internet friend

What to do if on the Internet you have found a person who is "exactly" your soul mate, and you see that no one understands you the way he does? Or did the Universe again put your ex on your life path just when everything is so good in your life?

It doesn't matter if you go to a cafe together or chat at night for hours in ICQ. You, quite possibly, are not connected by any close relationship, but for some reason it seems that true love is here!

Determine the strength of feelings and make a choice

Whether it's a classmate or a pen pal, it's important to remember that most of them are just ghosts in the present. Your love for former is, most likely, just longing for those times, surging memories. Your love for an Internet friend is love for the image that you idealized, that is, endowed him with the qualities of a man that you very much desire, which you probably really lack now.

Of course, there are such cases - you loved one man all your life, but for some reason you could not be with him, you got married to someone who was nearby, and now HE is reborn from your past, like a Phoenix bird ! You met by chance, but you don't communicate like random people.

Here you need to answer the question of what actually happened in his life, that he changed his attitude towards you in such a way. Does HE love you and is he ready for a relationship? After all, it is possible that love has drawn your imagination, enjoying the romance of the situation. And he, like a ghost, will dissolve with the advent of morning.

In general, in this situation, the question of "choice" is rather doubtful. Is it even possible to say that this choice should be made?

Psychologist's comment: “Imagine a situation; The girl had her first love - it did not work out. She got married, gave birth, live well. And suddenly - "found" in the social network. They winked a couple of times... so what? Run to confess to her husband? Pack your bags and go to your loved one?

You need to make a choice when, firstly, it is offered to you, and secondly, when you yourself are sure that you would like to change something. Moreover, change without regard to the second person. And if this is not the case, and everything is only at the level of dreams and longings, then it is better to pull yourself together, remind yourself that time puts everything in its place, but for now, keep what you have. The time is now - families are not scattered! And they never scattered, in fact.

Otherwise…

...you run the risk of being left with nothing.

Psychologist Elena Shubina sums up: “If such a life is high (after all, there are those who need an eternal “drive”), then live and don’t complain later. But if there is an understanding that this is still not your game, then it’s better to decide. And the more honest you are with yourself, the better!

***

Love for two men is a very complex and contradictory feeling. Bringing everything to a “common denominator”, we can say with confidence that in this case not a single relationship can be called full-fledged. Each man does not suit you with something and lacks something, since you “fell in love” with another.

Perhaps, if such a situation happened to you, then life is hinting to you that it is time to decide on your true values and priorities? After all, a fateful choice - especially one as important as choosing a life partner - is always a turning point.

Turning on a man on the side, you untie the hands of your first chosen one, because without feeling full return from you, he can turn on another woman. And then your common love will be divided not into three, but into four.

So the love triangle is an insidious figure that can always turn into a polygon. And the polygon, in turn, is very unstable, and it is unlikely that relations within it can be called strong and healthy. Do you need all this geometry?

Bermuda triangles of pathological relationships

No matter how rich, beautiful, smart and powerful you are, it does not matter, because all this cannot save you from triangular relationships. And this is a typical phenomenon in human life.

We all create triangles from childhood. MOTHER FATHER ME. PARENTS ARE SIBLINGS-I. PARENTS - GRANDMA, GRANDPA - I .... And so on. It's not bad, and it's not good. This is true. A triangle is not always a pathological thing. For example, in a family with a small child, it is quite natural.

But we are talking about love triangles. I myself have been in a triangle of relationships more than once. And this notorious triangle always brings suffering. I wanted to understand how it turns out that I choose triangular relationships, why, what drives me and what I get, all this prompted me to write this article.

“Still, people again and again enter its (triangle) territory in the hope of joy, happiness and love.”

Elena Emelyanova. Triangles of suffering

A love triangle never arises out of the blue. The appearance of a third extra, as a rule, is an indicator that a void has appeared between the two. In some triangles all three vertices are stable. There are two partners and there is a third party associated with one of the partners, and there is no further development of the relationship. They are static and can last for decades until one in three participants dies. In other love triangles, one of the vertices is constantly changing. Thirdly, it is formed at the moment when the marital relations of the family partner have practically outlived themselves and only a push is needed for them to collapse. Then new relationships, having played the role of a catalyst, then also die off, because. role completed. Any couples in their relationship go through cycles of approach and distance; when they move away, most likely, these triangles arise.

“There is something about the experience of a triangle relationship that can be one of our most powerful means of transformation and inner growth, albeit an emotionally unpleasant and painful one. If a triangle arises in someone's life, then it has some purpose. If we choose bitterness and anger in this situation, that will be our choice. But we can, however, make the triangle a springboard for a deep reassessment of our values.

Liz Green. Eternal Triangle

I would like to offer you a small, but elegant enough, in my opinion, model, which can be used to describe many problematic relationships. This so-called "Karpman Triangle" is a social model named after the American psychologist Stephen Karpman. Otherwise, it is called the "dramatic triangle", or "the triangle of fate." So, the Karpman triangle provides for three "participants", and all three have their roles in it: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. And another characteristic feature of this triangle is that the participants in it constantly change roles: therefore, such a “game” does not get bored for a long time and often takes on a chronic character.

Communication within this triangle is a very effective way not to take responsibility for your actions and decisions, and also to receive strong emotions as a reward for this. No relationship will last even a week if it is not sealed with some kind of mutual benefit: material, emotional, physical. This is where we get an idea of what benefits can be obtained from such a situation. And how is this relationship organized?
- And how to get out of this triangle?
We will talk about this a little later. First, let's figure out what it actually is.

Many triangles exist for years: the persecutor, the victim and the savior, hating and cursing each other, live in a kind of symbiosis, while each receives the emotions he needs. The persecutor is the feeling of one's rightness and strength, the victim is the right to complain to the savior and not answer for anything, and the savior is the feeling of one's importance and relevance.

And here's what's interesting: as soon as at least one player "leaves the field" - and the relationship of the remaining participants in the triangle falls apart.

“Change definitely holds the family together. If the lover suspected that he was HELPING the lover's family to hold on, he would run out of the relationship like a free and proud cheetah. There are. Of course, there are exceptions. In cases of great love. Although this can also be explained based on the concept of triangulation.

Anna Fedosova. Bermuda. Terrible about love triangles and not.

A vacancy must be filled by someone else. As, for example, in the following situation. The wife is the persecutor, the husband is the victim, the mistress is the savior. Suppose the wife is fed up with her role and gives her husband a divorce. What's next? A man soon breaks up with his mistress, and often by mutual agreement. He did not even suspect that he needed her only to complain about the "bitch who uses him", and he needed her to pity and "inspire" him - so courageous and beautiful. He lacks the “bitch”, through whose fault one can suffer and suffer, he has nothing to complain about, the relationship with his mistress has exhausted itself, and now he is already trying, out of habit, to accuse the former savior of what he previously accused the persecutor - his wife. Now a friend or a therapist becomes a vest, and the “newly minted bitch” does not understand why she is being scolded, where her “prince” has gone and where this “weak-willed rag” came from, presenting her with such a disinterested and beautiful, some strange claims and demands.

The savior in the triangle is a cult role. Being a Savior is prestigious in the understanding of many, which is why a potential third party is the easiest to drag into a triangle.

The victim is someone offended. The one who seems to be suffering from the beginning. Most often, the Karpman triangle is built around the Victim, through the efforts of the Victim and on her initiative. And as a rule, the Victim herself does not even imagine what it will turn out to be a little later.

Persecutor - always defined from the point of view of the Victim. The one who puts pressure on her, causes some kind of trouble, etc. The victim seeks specific help by turning to the Savior. And if the Savior assumes this role and undertakes to help, without being aware of the background of what is happening - that's it, the triangle has taken place.

And then the destructiveness of this game begins to appear. Because when the Savior begins to actually "save" - the Victim changes his point of view and begins to defend his former Persecutor: thus the Savior becomes the Persecutor ("bad", the one who is complained about and who is considered to be guilty of everything), the former Persecutor - the Victim ( because now he is being offended), and the former Victim is the Savior.

Actually, for the sake of this very role, the role of the Savior, all participants in the triangle suffer deprivation of the other two roles in this game: for the Savior, as already mentioned, is a prestigious role, very pleasant to many, and, moreover, it gives the opportunity almost without difficulty (even if and temporarily) to feel their importance and raise their self-esteem. And it does not matter that later on you can get certain troubles for this: on the other hand, you have been the Savior, and perhaps soon you will stay again. Since the roles in the Karmpan triangle change in a circle throughout the - sometimes quite long - game.

And here we get one more, at least a preliminary answer to the question of who is at risk of becoming such a Savior: those who have no other way to realize their significance, or they do not see it or do not want to see it.

"Karpman Triangle" scenario.

Starring: Victim, Persecutor and Savior.

Act 1: The “Victim” is looking for the “Savior”, on whom he tries to throw off the responsibility for solving his problems. If the "Victim" succeeds, then the trap is slammed shut - a triangle has formed.

Act 2: The “Victim”, whose problems are not being solved, turns into the “Pursuer”, and begins to look for those responsible for the failure of life. The culprit, of course, is the former "Savior", on whom the anger and attacks of the former "Victim" fall upon him.

Act 3: The former "Savior" turned "Victim" wonders how he turned out to be the scapegoat in this situation.

Moral: If you are offered to become a savior, then most likely in order to have someone to blame later in case of failure. Therefore, think three times before taking responsibility for other people's problems.

The following are signs that you can recognize yourself when you find yourself in a triangle.

Feelings experienced by the participants in the events:

Sacrifice:

SENTERS of helplessness,
hopelessness,
coercion,
hopelessness,
powerlessness,
Nika,
Nobody need,
own incorrectness,
. ,
obscurity,
confusion,
often wrong
own weakness and weakness in a situation
resentment
fear
self-pity

Savior:

Feeling of pity
desire to help
own superiority over the victim (over the one he wants to help)
great strength, intelligence, great strength greater access to resources, "he knows more about how to act"
indulgence towards those whom he wants to help
a feeling of pleasant omnipotence and omnipotence in relation to a specific situation
confidence that he can help
conviction that he knows (or at least can find out) exactly how to do it
inability to refuse (uncomfortable to refuse help, or leave a person without help)
compassion, a sharp nagging feeling of empathy (please note attention, this is a very important point: the Savior is associated with the Victim, which means that he will never be able to truly help her!)0209 noble indignation and righteous anger
desire to punish the violator
desire to restore justice
insulted pride
conviction that only he knows what is right
irritation with the victim, and even more so with the saviors, whom he perceives as an interfering factor (saviors are mistaken, because only he knows what to do right now!)
the excitement of the hunt, the excitement of the chase. ..

Until at least someone jumps out of this accursed triangle, the game can go on for as long as you like.

Alexander Vakurov perfectly described how to jump out

The most important thing is to understand what Role you entered the triangle in. Which corner of the triangle was the entrance to it for you.

And each of us should know the "points of weakness" of his personality, which simply force us to enter into these our favorite Roles.

For some, this is someone's misfortune or "helplessness", or a request for help, or an admiring look/voice: "Oh, great one!" "Only you can help me!" "I'm lost without you!" You, of course, recognized the Savior in white robes.

For others, it is someone else's mistake, stupidity, injustice, incorrectness or dishonesty. And they bravely rush to restore justice and harmony, falling into a triangle on the role of the Persecutor.

For others, it may be a signal from the surrounding reality that it does not need you, or it is dangerous, or it is aggressive, or it is heartless (indifferent to you, your desires or troubles), or it is poor in resources specifically for you, precisely in this moment. They are lovers of being Victims.

If you find yourself in the role of the Savior, give up stupid thoughts that the one "who needs help" is weak and weak. By accepting his thoughts like that, you are doing him a disservice. You are doing something for him. You prevent him from learning on his own something important to him. Your desire to help is a temptation, the victim is your tempter, and you, in fact, are a tempter and provocateur for the one you seek to help. Let the person do it himself. Let him make mistakes, but it will be HIS mistakes. And he will not be able to accuse you of this when he tries to move into the role of your Persecutor.

A person must go his own way.

If you find yourself playing the role of the Victim, start learning. In order to get help, you have to do something. You can only help in what they do. If you don't, you can't help. It is impossible to help a person who is lying down get up. It is impossible to help a person to get up who does not even think about getting up. It is impossible to help a person who only thinks to get up to get up. It is impossible to help a person who only wants to get up to get up. You can help a person who gets up to get up.

"You can only help someone who is doing something."

Alexander Efimovich Alekseik

In fact:

Savior is very pleased to help and save, it is nice to stand out "in white clothes" among other people, especially before the victim. Narcissism, selfishness.

It is very pleasant for the victim to suffer ("like in a movie") and to be saved (to accept help), feel sorry for himself, earning future non-specific "happiness" by suffering. Masochism.

For the Aggressor (Pursuer) - it is very pleasant to be a warrior, to punish and restore justice, to be the bearer of the standards and rules that he imposes on others, it is very pleasant to be in sparkling armor with a fiery sword, it is pleasant to feel your strength, invincibility and rightness.

Learn more

Love triangle who do i choose quiz

True Love Test - What is Your Love Type?

True love testing based on the Sternberg's Triangular Theory

Test Your Relationships Online

Am I in Love or Lust? I Psych Central

Ready to start therapy? Our Find a Therapist resource may help.

Read this next

Love triangle: what to do | Passion.ru

I love two men

Is it worth loving two?

Time to choose

Triangle 1: you and 2 of your lovers

Triangle 2: you, husband and lover

Triangle 3: you, your husband/man with whom you are in a committed relationship, and your ex-boyfriend/internet friend

Bermuda triangles of pathological relationships