It's not good enough for me
7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene
Sometimes I am really terrible to myself, and I relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.
On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential.
There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of money, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.
Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.
I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.
The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.
I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.
Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.
Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.
While my self-love journey is ongoing, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:
1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.
We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.
When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.
2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.
I saw a quote once that read, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.
3.
There is more right with you than wrong with you.This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”
As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.
4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.
This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.
I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.
5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.
”One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot feel fully satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.
Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.
6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go.
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail.
Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.
7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand, and even if you know you want to change.
You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.
About Madison Sonnier
Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!
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Always Left Feeling Not Good Enough? The Real Reasons Why
By: Pabak Sarkar
by Andrea M.
Darcy
Tried positive thinking and affirmations? Read all the advice about self-confidence?
But deep down still are left feeling not good enough?
I feel like a failure
Low self-worth often stems from very deep-rooted issues. This becomes clear looking at the common reasons for not feeling good enough.
[Want to talk to someone about your secret beliefs you are not good enough? Book a Skype session with a therapist you like, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]
7 Reasons For Feeling Not Good Enough
1.You have hidden core beliefs that are running the show.
The thoughts we actually hear in our heads are far less powerful than those that lurk in our unconscious. Low self worth is inevitably connected to the buried and hidden assumptions about the world, others, and ourselves that we mistake as fact.
These ‘core beliefs‘ are often formed when we were children, with a child’s simple perspective.
So they can be surprisingly dramatic and untrue. And yet we unwittingly base all our life decisions around them.
For example, a child with a parent who suddenly leaves one day without offering a reason is not evolved to understand an adult having a mental breakdown, or running off for space after a fight. In the child’s mind, the core belief ‘if you love someone they leave you’ takes hold. Even if the parent comes back a few days later the belief sticks, and the child grows into an adult who never lets anyone close.
2. If you listen deeply, your inner voice is actually critical and judgemental.
By: Alejandro Forero Cuervo
It is easy is to convince ourselves we are ‘positive thinkers’.
And yet many of us don’t actually take the time to properly listen to our thoughts. If we do, we might discover it’s a radio show of negativity.
Mindfulness is a wonderful technique for slowing down enough to hear your thoughts clearly.
It is about listening and letting go to thoughts without judgement. Learn more in our free ‘Guide to Mindfulness’.
3. You surround yourself with critical people.
Of course some of us don’t even need negative thoughts to ensure we always feel not good enough. We let other people do the job for us by consciously choosing toxic friendships and unhealthy relationships.Then others put us down no matter how hard we try.
4. You had critical, demanding, or aloof parent(s) that left you feeling not good enough.
Yes, perhaps you had a ‘good childhood’. You lived in a nice house, your parents never divorced. You never wanted for anything.
But then again, perhaps you did. Perhaps you wanted for the approval and love that every child needs.
If your parent(s) always wanted you to smarter, or quieter, or sportier, or if they favoured your sibling….? Whatever it was, the message was that you were not enough as is.
It might have just been that your parent was not good at loving due to their own unresolved issues.
As children we naturally seek approval and love. So we learn to suffocate our real personality and become the ‘good’ child, at the price of turning into an adult who never feels a sense of worth.
5. You main caregiver couldn’t offer you stability or safety.
Some children have a parent who is simply unable to offer them an environment of safety where they can trust their parent to be there for them. Perhaps you parent was an alcoholic, suffered depression, or was in a toxic relationship that demanded all their attention.
If a parent is unwell the child can feel responsible for the parent’s happiness. If only you acted a certain way, did certain things, were somehow a better/smarter child your parent would be ok. But of course a child can’t fix such a parent or situation. So their endless codependency evolves into a belief they are not good enough somehow.
6. You didn’t get enough ‘attachment’ as a kid.
By: Beatrice Murch
What both these points about parenting involve is not having a caregiver who was able to offer unconditional love and trust, or what is called ‘attachment’ in psychology.
Attachment theory believes that for the first seven years of life a child absolutely needs unconditional love and to be able to trust his or her primary caregiver. If this doesn’t happen, we can end up with ‘anxious attachment’, which involves never trusting yourself or others and lacking confidence.
7. You experienced strong trauma(s) in the past.
Of course one way to develop negative core beliefs quickly as a child does not necessarily involve poor parenting.
Childhood trauma decimates a child’s sense of worth.
Most children feel responsible for the trauma, particularly if it is physical abuse or sexual abuse. They internalise the idea they are bad and worthless, so deserved it.
So is feeling not good enough always all about the past?
It is inevitable that the environments and experiences of our childhood affected us. Of course there are other factors. Some of us born with a naturally more sensitive personality, for example, so suffer more.
And sometimes it is a marked trauma as an adult that leaves us not feeling good enough, such as a betrayal. Even then, though, we will find our confidence an self-worth suffers more, and we take longer to recuperate, if we had previous trauma in our early life or poor parenting.
What sorts of therapy help?
If trawling through your past just isn’t your thing, take heart. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is shown to raise self-esteem, and it does so by focusing on your present day issues and changing the way you respond to thoughts.
And humanistic therapies like person-centred therapy can help your confidence by showing you the personal resources you already have, and helping you grow these inner resources and use them to make better choices.
Or try compassion-focused therapy (CFT), which teaches you how to be gentler with yourself and others.
Want help to overcome not feeling enough in life? We put you in touch with top talk therapists in central London locations. Not in London or even the UK? Find a quality Skype therapist on our sister site.
Still have a question about low self worth? Post in our comment box below.
Andrea M. Darcy is our lead writer and is also a therapy consultant helping people find the right therapy for them. She grew up in a radical fear-based Christian group that meant she hit adulthood with no self-esteem and had to build it herself. These days, feeling good about herself is second nature.
is not good enough for me - Translation into English - examples English
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Translation - based on AI technology
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not good enough for me
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Voice translation and longer texts
Maybe, but so far is not good enough for me .
Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet.
It was not good enough for me .
It was not good enough for me .
You lie well, but is not good enough for me .
You're a good liar, but not good enough for me .
You is not good enough for me , Alex.
You're not good enough for me , Alex.
Turns out it was you not good enough for me .
It turns out, you're not good enough for me .
I know my boyfriend is not good enough for me , but that relationship doesn't count.
I know my boyfriend's no good for me , but this relationship doesn't count.
Translation: "You are not good enough for me ".
Translated: You are not good enough for me .
But this person was not good enough for me .
But a good man wasn't good enough for me .
He just thinks you are not good enough for me .
He just doesn't think you're good enough for me .
You are not good enough for me and I can't stop analyzing because I have a professional interest in you and you...
And I wouldn't be able to stop analyzing, because I have this professional curiosity about you and...
That's why I don't want you to ever say that you are not good enough for Me again.
Therefore, I never want you to say that you are not good enough for Me .
Translation: "You are is not good enough for me ".
Translation: "We aren't good enough .
"
She said that she is not good enough for me , and I is not good enough for her.
She said she wouldn't be good for me and I wouldn't be good for her.
You keep saying that... that you are is not good enough for me , but it's me is not good enough for you.
You spend all this time saying how... how you're not good enough for me , but I'm not good enough for you.
I keep trying to convince myself that I hate him, that he is not good enough for me , that we will never be together...
I try to tell myself that I hate him, that he's wrong for me
"Maybe" - is not good enough and is for me.
"Probably" isn't good enough for me either.
The traditional rendering methods were " not good enough " for me (in rendering speed, of course).
Traditional rendering techniques were not " good enough " for me (in terms of rendering time of course).
Coltrane did not give television interviews in his life and only heard a few radio interviews, but the sound was not good enough for me .
In his lifetime, Coltrane did no television interviews and only a handful of radio interviews, and the sound wasn't good enough for me to use.
Every day, people in their 20s who are interesting and smart, like you or your sons and daughters, come to me and say, “I know my boyfriend isn't good enough for me , but these relationships don't count.
And then every day, smart, interesting twenty-somethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: I know my boyfriend's no good for me , but this relationship doesn't count.
I'm afraid my French won't be good enough for for to understand me.
I'm afraid that I won't be able to make myself understood in French.
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ways to stop thinking you're not good enoughCareers
Psychologists admit that many people turn to them for help who have achieved serious heights, but at the same time seriously doubt that they are worthy of it. The misfortune, called the impostor syndrome, spares no one - both a university graduate who was lucky enough to get a well-paid job, and a highly experienced professional who suddenly received a promotion can feel like they have no right to success.
Imposter syndrome - inadequate feeling of (chronic) self-doubt despite clear evidence to the contrary. No matter how smart and efficient such people are, they feel like cheaters, and evil beliefs slowly sap their energy and motivation. They tend to think that achievements are the result of coincidence and they are not good enough to move on, competing with others at a higher level.
As a result, decadent attitudes sabotage the development of success.
The term "Imposter Syndrome" was promulgated in 1978 by American psychologists Pauline Klance and Suzanne Imes, who discovered that many of their wards could not accept success, explaining their achievements by luck and the ability to pass for smart (th). This is not a diagnosis, but rather an obsessive mood that can manifest itself episodically and almost never means a real lack of knowledge and skills. The reverse situation is more common: an incompetent person does not worry about being incompetent.
Women are less fortunate in this sense - it is much easier for us to succumb to the impostor syndrome than for men. Analyzing in detail the gender tendency to self-criticism, psychologists at Carnegie Mellon University found, for example, that men put forward demands for a pay rise four times more often than women and usually ask for a raise of 30% more.
In short, if you've ever felt like you're not good enough, you're not alone.
Objectively, there are millions of us, and harmful attitudes have stuck to us since childhood (hello to parents). The impostor syndrome is often accompanied by perfectionism, and such a duet turns a person into a workaholic, indifferent to career growth - a godsend for any boss. The good news is that you can try to change your perspective.
Here are five ways to get rid of the belief that you are not good enough:
1. Recognize your talents you start from scratch and got to this career stage thanks to personal talents and experience. Do not associate success with luck, recognize that you have genuine talents, otherwise you would not have what you have achieved.
Take a notepad and pen and write down your accomplishments and strengths in columns. Re-read both lists regularly, especially when you feel dreary. Such a reminder helps to get rid of doubts that you are not good enough and motivates you to unlock your potential.
2. Share with others what you know
It's easy to forget how far you've come and how much you've learned—look for opportunities to remind yourself and others of the competence you've acquired.
Don't skimp on the knowledge you can share - sharing experiences, blogging, or mentoring will build confidence. In addition to benefiting others, this approach maintains a passion for what you do so that you don't burn out.
3. Get to know yourself
When doubts arise about your own worth, do not ignore the symptoms, but try to understand the causes of their occurrence. Don't believe the negative internal monologue - talk to yourself (not necessarily out loud) as if you were a close friend. Look into the subconscious, finding out from which mental hole the impostor syndrome sprouts. And be kind to yourself - turn off your inner “strict parent” by beating off your self-criticism with something more compassionate.
4. Accept praise with pleasure
People with impostor syndrome too often ignore kind words, devaluing personal success and achievements, as if unwilling to acknowledge them. Meanwhile, praise is the main weapon of motivation.
