Lack of love and affection in family
How Lack of Love in Childhood Robs Us of Love in Adulthood
Love is a feeling that motivates us and leads us to better ourselves and the lives of those around us. Love is closely related to things like joy, family, satisfaction, care, and love is something we all seek to embrace in our relationships with others.
Yet for many people, love is pain, love is grief, and seeking love with others only leads to more pain and more grief. Unfortunately, this is a seemingly inescapable cycle that you and many others may find yourselves in. Indeed, it can even become acceptable and a given.
But this isnt the way its supposed to be. So why is this? And what can we do about it?
It All Begins in Childhood
Children rely on their caregivers for everything. They need mirroring, attunement, and validation from their caregiver, in addition to having their physical needs met, in order to flourish in adulthood. If a childs caregivers are emotionally healthy and resolved, they will develop a strong sense of self.
They will feel healthy, unconditional love radiating from the people closest to them. They will know what love looks and feels like. They will pursue this feeling throughout their lives. Indeed, they will be able to comfort themselves, love themselves, and develop strong, healthy relationships with the people around them because they have a healthy template to fall back on.
However, if the childs caregivers are emotionally unhealthy and unresolved, they will develop a weakened and unstable sense of self. They will be unable to comfort themselves, trust others, love themselves, and will face many difficulties finding fulfillment, meaning, and contentment in their adult relationships. They will not know what healthy love looks and feels like.
They will only know that the attention they receive will feel painful, that their emotionally unavailable caregivers will let them be afraid, sad, hurt, or angry, and may even punish them for their natural emotions. Their caregivers may not be comfortable with signs of love from their child.
And because the child is reliant on their caregivers, they must believe that they are loved despite the various traumas, rejections, and displays of unloving behavior.
And so the child learns that love is pain. This is the form of love they will pursue into adulthood. Love is whatever treatment you have received. This is how we develop a wrong understanding of love.
As I write in the book Human Development and Trauma:
How could anyone know what healthiness, respect, love, and boundaries are if they havent truly experienced them? A child builds their understanding about these concepts based on how their caregiver models them. To that end, if a caregiver beats the child and labels this as loving, the child learns to associate pain with love. This association becomes normal and expected.
Openness and vulnerability, the prerequisites to forming healthy relationships with yourself and others, are compromised. You, however, were not allowed to be open or vulnerable.
Instead of love, the experience of pain has now become the precondition for your interpersonal relations. Unfortunately, those relationships in which we feel the most vulnerable are the ones that become the most painful.
Noticing Patterns and False Beliefs
As time wears on, your relationship experiences will be overwhelmingly painful and negative. You may find yourself falling into relationships where you are seen as invisible, and you may find yourself attracted to emotionally unavailable partners. You may find yourself seeking out people with dark personality traits who hurt and abuse you. Or worse, you fall madly in love with the perfect partner to discover later, and only too late, that they are an illusion. You may find yourself tolerating behavior, pain, and unhealthy displays of love and affection that you notice other people dont.
You only want love, like everyone else, and you dont understand why its been so difficult and painful for you and yet so effortless for others.
In addition to difficult, painful, and pain-filled relationships, your relationship with yourself also suffers. You may practice self-erasure, have negative self-talk, and find self-care and self-love incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to give yourself. You may feel like you deserve all of this pain, or accept that this is your lot in life. You may even think that you are unlovable or underserving of love.
These thoughts and experiences are a result of your childhood environment where you were invisible, uncared for, and ignored. Your caregivers were unable or unwilling to be emotionally available, to mirror and tune into you when you were helpless and dependent on them.
After a while, many people slowly realize that their romantic partners most resemble their negligent or abusive parent, and that they are only repeating the past in the present. Even our thoughts and inner voices may sound like them.
What Can You Do?
Love isnt pain, and the process of transforming love into joy starts with self-love and self-care.
You are your own source of healthy love. Recognizing that you are unhappy and you dont have to live like this is the first step, and if you are reading this article, you are already there!
You deserve better, and you can learn techniques that awaken your inner child, methods to practice self-love and self-care, exercise self-compassion and understanding, and even grieve for what your child-self endured. You also can learn to change your unhealthy and false beliefs into more realistic ones. In learning self-love and self-care, you will learn how to give and receive healthy love in relation to others.
The most important thing is that you are no longer enslaved by your inadequate upbringing, and therefore you can learn that there are many ways to learn to feel, give, and receive real, authentic love.
Lack of affection in the family, hampers your child’s growth
Introduction:
There are certain sensitive topics that we as parents have to deal with extremely carefully.
Lack of affection is one such area that can create a complex in the child. While many other things are understood and quite visible, this is a little behind the scene
The solution lies in a secured touch of love.
There are two types of affection:
1. Physical touch
2. Mental touch
Has it ever happened to you that when you go to see a newborn baby, it is happy and playful in the mother or grandmother’s arm but as soon as you take her in your arms he or she starts crying?
You are perplexed by this behaviour, you wonder if the child is intelligent enough to understand the difference. The simple difference is that in the mother’s touch the child sees parental warmth and affection. Lack of affection hampers the upbringing of children.
The absence of a secure touch can really affect the self-esteem of kids. By secure touch, I mean the random hugs, holding your child’s hand, ruffling their hair, and so on.
Know how important touch is in parenting.
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As a baby, the child receives immense love in the form of unending secure touch. When children grow up, the touch gradually reduces. As children become more independent, unfortunately, the touch comes down to the least.
Naturally, kids require that touch. It shows love, affection, acceptance regarding them. The absence of this touch ends up making kids a little unsure about their identity.
We as parents stop this rather unknowingly. We do not realize the effects of the lack of affection in childhood. When the kid is growing, they need more and more parental warmth and affection. The child does not cry physically anymore so we do not run to take them in our arms or hug them but they do cry emotionally.
There is a gap and this is caused due to the lack of compassion. Touch displays acceptability when you are comfortable with a person. On the other hand, if you don’t like someone and that person touches you, you immediately move. You want to create a distance physically.
What is the touch of love? Here are a few examples of affectionate touches of love:
- If you have a pet and you come home after a long day as soon as you enter the house they run to you. That is because they want that touch, they want to feel that affection. If our pets need that touch of affection, don’t our children need it too? Imagine how your pet will feel if you show them lack of affection.
- Even doctors assure that patients recover faster when the patients get a lot of warm secured touch. With love and warmth, a patient tends to get better much sooner than estimated.
- In old age homes what the old people miss is not the comfort but the lack of affection from the family members.
- When you meet a dear friend, do you stand at a distance? You want to shake their hands, hug them, pat on their back, in simple words, you greet them and show affection to him.
Fill your child’s life with secured warm touches. In any family where there is no lack of affection, a few things will happen –
- The child will believe they are important and valued since they are accepted.
- The child will not have bouts of lust. When they get enough non-sensual secure touch, their need for lust is not deep and profound.
- The child will not crave for a relationship outside the home to be understood. The relationship at home will be very solid and deep to the child.
Even in times of stress like exams, do you want your child to feel light and happy? One of the ways to do that is to show him/her your love.
Long term effects of lack of affection in childhood can create complexes in the heart and mind of the child. You can get rid of all complexes with a touch of love.
Lack of affection gets deep-rooted, here are some ways by which we can practice showing affection towards our kids –
- Before going to bed every day, let’s hug our children. Whether they are doing well or not, are successful or not, try not to create that distance.
- Every morning when we see the child for the first time, hug them. Let’s start the day with a hug.
- If the children are leaving for school or college before us, let’s hug them and send them.
- If we are leaving for office or some other commitments and the child is still at home, let’s hug them before we leave.
Fill your child’s life with warm and secure hugs and its results will amaze you. There will be more love, happiness, and self-belief. Isn’t that all that we want?
Now, let’s talk about the mental touch
Being physically there for someone is very easy and feasible. But being there for someone mentally is a tough job sometimes. It can only get easier when you choose to take care of their well being and mental health.
Children need to be taken care of from each and every aspect. Everyone thinks that children are always happy and fun-loving, but sometimes it’s not as it looks like.
Children need mental support from an early age and if they don’t get that, they develop complexes which hamper their personality in every way possible.
We all need mental support so we look for people around us like friends, family, and other relatives.
On the other side, children at a tender age, have only parents for support.
Let’s look at some examples:
- Your child has had a bad day at school and seems low. You hug them but they resist or they don’t appreciate the hug. What do you do? Leave and continue doing your work? I hope not.
- Your child went to play and had a fight with a friend. he comes back home frustrated and angry. What do you do?
At all these times, you need to talk to them and understand what happened and why did it happen. Cover all the aspects of the scenario and give them solutions based on the situation. When you keep doing this for a long time since their childhood, they will develop a special bond with you and they will convey everything that is happening in their life to you.
They will confide in you and will always be there for you no matter what. In return, they also need the same though.
They need you to always tell them about your day at work, share recipes and everything else that is happening around you.
2 things that happen when you aren’t there for them,
1. If you won’t be there for them mentally from the start, they won’t share anything and will eventually turn into an introvert for you and the world.
2. Or they would feel like strangers in their own house and behave like an introvert. They might confide in their friends and other relatives. They will share everything with outsiders, which includes your behaviour.
Closing thoughts:
For a child, friends become lifeline after a while. They share everything and anything with them. If not, they won’t share anything with anyone in their whole life which will have a very bad effect on them in the long run.
Make sure you are the lifeline of your kid because you stick for the long run and friends come and go. I hope you are doing all this in the right proportion.
If not, start doing it now and see the changes that follow. You will be amazed!
There is no love in the family, I cannot build a relationship. What to do? – Orthodox magazine “Foma”
June 9, 2022 Author: EFANOV Andrey, archpriest
Photo: timabbott / Flickr
Approximate reading time: 5 min.
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Reader question:
Good afternoon! Our family is like a curse.
My grandmother said that her close relative was cursed by her parents for not marrying the one they wanted. Maybe we got hooked by inheritance? Then my grandmother told me that she had several abortions (post-war, poverty), and my mother (the youngest) was born only because the doctors said another abortion and death, and my grandmother already had two children. And none of them had family happiness.
Mom gave birth to me from first love and out of wedlock. My father left her when I was a baby, she was 20 years old. Grandmother inspired her that no one needed her child and she never got married. On the subconscious, based on her attitude towards me, she considers me the culprit of her failed female happiness.
I was told all my life that children are ropes that bind you hand and foot, and for a long time I did not want children. I was told that family life is mega hard and beyond my strength. We don't have love and support in our family. We take each other for granted. Only when someone is seriously ill, they pay attention to him, but for a very short time and at the same time they are terribly burdened by this. When I feel bad or need support, instead of love and just hugs, they put forward a list of requirements for me. I usually close myself and go to my corner. To show attention, care, openly show affection is a taboo. As if we all interfere with each other or mutual grievances do not allow dialogue.
I have problems with people too. I don’t know how to build relationships and have never even met any of the guys for a long time. All in the same scenario. At first, I don’t believe that I can be liked and you can just love me like that. I start to dig in myself and try to improve. For me, the problem is to show my sympathy for the guy. I will die from longing for him, from the desire to be near, but in fact I will be cold and aloof, so as not to impose my society. As a result, the guys go to those with whom they find peace of mind. Even with the guy in the temple it was like that. A long time ago, out of stupidity, I swore an oath not to get married, because I'm so bad, I can't interest a guy, keep him.
How to get out of this vicious circle?
Archpriest Andrey Efanov answers:
Hello!
Dear girl, it’s not about the curse at all, but about the fact that your adults — both your grandmother and your mother — were so busy with survival issues that they didn’t have enough strength to fill in the void of dislike that formed in them.
heart. You understand and analyze everything very correctly, with the exception of belief in a curse. Curses are not transmitted like that, and, frankly, there is no special power in them for a church person, even if the curse is real. So we will discard the version of the curse.
What should you do now?
I would advise you two things. The first is to try to study properly, get a good job and move from your mother and grandmother to your own housing, at least in a rented house, even in a hostel, and start living by your own principles. If this is not possible, try not to live in the logic of dislike in which your family exists. It will be difficult with mom and grandma, apparently, here you will have to put up with it for now, but in your relationship, act out of love. And the first person you need to start living like this is you yourself.
You are definitely a very intelligent girl who deeply understands and feels everything. For some reason it seems to me that you are also very beautiful.
You are a believer, this is also very good, because, although you do not know your earthly dad, you can turn to the Heavenly Father, and he will not leave. And then you need to understand that you are no worse than other girls and women. And it’s difficult for everyone in a relationship, and you need to learn, without bringing things to fornication in any case, to communicate with young people as friends and not be afraid to show your feelings, at least in the order of an experiment. Every time you feel like doing it. As usual, ask yourself the question, would you like to do otherwise? For example, you are usually silent - try to speak, you do not answer with a smile - try to smile, and so on. At least see how it happens if you act differently.
Try to find a psychologist, for example, at a church or under a policy, and talk to him about what they wrote to me. It will help to think over specific actions - how to begin to perceive yourself differently, how to communicate. I think you will not get used to it right away, but rather quickly.
As for the family and children, this is not true. I know women who, having a child, remarried, and even with two children, and I heard about stories with three or four. A child is a responsibility, right. But it is also a new experience and great joy. Responsibility is everywhere, and at work too. But people don't stop working because of this, do they? So it is here. Just don't make your mom's mistake - you don't have to have an intimate relationship before marriage. And enter into marriage only with those with whom you will feel good and who will be ready to take care of you and really want to be with you. Then there will be fewer problems. and more understanding.
And never be with a person who does not love you, "punishes", educates and manipulates you. You may not find this right away, but it's definitely worth the wait.
So everything is fixable, just gradually.
And never repeat what you did not like in your parental home, but act as you want now - out of love, with warmth and understanding of another person and yourself.
God bless you!
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Lack of parental attention and love: myths and reality
January 01, 2005, 07:33
Children need parents, that's a fact. But what exactly do children need from their parents is a question.
Many problems in the development of a child today are explained by the lack of parental attention and love. If we are talking about homeless or neglected children, the problem situation is obvious, but what is the real root of the problem - the lack of parental love or elementary parental control, the question is open.
At least the children's complaints: "Parents, my problem is that you don't really love me (love me enough)!" - a fairly cheap razvodilovka, playing the Unfortunate Victim.
To talk about lack of or excess of parental attention and love, you need to have data on the prescribed norm. However, there are no norms weighed or approved by anyone, how much attention and love at different ages is due to a child from parents for his normal development.
There is some clarity only with the first year of a child's life. It has already been proven, at least on monkeys (See first of all Harlow's experiments), that for a baby up to a year old, physical contact with his mother (or at least her substitute - dad, grandmother, nanny) is really very important. At least at an early age, emotional warmth, parental affection is much more important for the development of the child, including the development of his intellect, than any other form of activity and education.
Mentally retarded children kept in special shelters were attached to a kind of fake surrogate mother; such mothers were mentally retarded women kept in the same shelter. Two years later, special measurements showed that the level of intelligence in children increased by an average of 20-30 points; at the same time, the level of intelligence in the children of the control group decreased. These mothers obviously could not conduct any developmental activities with their children: no mathematical circles, no puzzles, no intellectual games.
All they could do was hug children, kiss them, swaddle them, and in general make out with them in every possible way. And so, it turns out that, at least at a certain age, emotional warmth, parental affection is much more important for the development of the child, including the development of his intellect, than any other form of activity and learning! - from the book by Uri Bronfenbrenner "Two Worlds of Childhood. Children in the USA and the USSR" (M.: Progress, 1976)
However, physical contact is not the same as love. The fact that a mother holds a baby in her arms, nurses him, breastfeeds, respectively, gives physical warmth and stroking, can be both a manifestation of the mother’s love for the child, and simply a manifestation of her cultural level: she knows what to do with the baby, and does this is. After a year, the need for physical contact with the mother decreases, and what after that is considered a manifestation of maternal or paternal love for the child is largely an open question.
Jean Ledloff, the most ardent propagandist of the need for love for a child, notes that the Yekuana Indians, where the most harmonious children grow up, have little contact between parents and children. They don’t play, they don’t talk, they don’t devote special time: they limit themselves to everyday orders. I quote:
"It is interesting to note that among the Yekuan, language communication between adults and children is reduced to the simplest phrases such as: "Wait here" or "Give me this." The system of language communication is stratified: children of about the same age communicate fully verbally with each other with a friend, as the age difference decreases, verbal communication decreases.The lives and interests of boys and girls are so different that they hardly talk to each other, and even adults rarely talk for a long time with members of the opposite sex.Mom never enters into communication with the first child and participates in this communication only passively.
It is the child who finds her and shows her by her behavior what he wants. She readily fulfills his desires to the full, but that's all. In all cases, the child plays an active role, and the mother - a passive role: he comes sleep with her when tired, and eat when hungry.
Such an attitude, to be precise, is not love, but warm benevolence (we don't discuss the fact that many families lack exactly elementary benevolence towards each other. This is a matter of culture and upbringing, not love). This is not love, but children, I repeat, grow up healthy and happy. How developed is another question. It seems that warm motherly love for the child is extremely important to the child in infancy, with the maturation of the child, its need gradually decreases, and parental demands and developmental procedures become more important.
There is also no certainty about what constitutes parental attention and love, given at least the topic of love languages. Parents, let's say, spend time with the child (this is their love language), and the child sniffs: "Here, they don't buy me ice cream!" (this is his love language).
We conducted a pilot study: the majority of children aged 5 to 10 years old responded to the question "What is the love of your parents for you? When do you feel that your parents love you?" after they understand the question (this is not always easy), they answer: "When my parents buy me what I want" and "When my parents allow me what I want."
The assumption that there is a universal real manifestation of true love, which all children will always understand - apparently, is still a myth. Perhaps, children most of all need attentive parents who know how to feel, understand, and do what is necessary for their development. You need to maintain contact with children, you need to work with children, children need to be developed. And how to call it - the culture of parents, parents understand their duties or parental love, probably, is not so important anymore.
In itself, the lack of parental love is not a catastrophe. As Talleyrand wrote, in his time, parental love was the exception rather than the rule, but against this historical background, those who made up the color of the Enlightenment grew out of small children.
Film "That Carloson!"
Talks about the lack of parental attention to children are rather pedagogical suggestions-scarecrows so that busy parents break away from TVs, sit on Facebook and turn their attention to children: take a walk with them, play with them, talked to them. It is clear that it is more useful for children to be close to their parents, therefore it is more useful to inspire parents that their children do not have enough parental warmth and attention.
However, not everything is so obvious here. If the parents are anxious or stupid, then it is better if such parents pester the child less often: he himself will find something to do with more benefit.
Of course, in an atmosphere of love, framed by parental demands, children live happier and develop better, but parental attention and love do not exhaust everything that a child needs. In addition to love, a child needs developing activities and high-quality samples for development.
If parents are anxious and emotionally retarded, it is highly likely that children will follow their example and sooner or later become retarded themselves. Dear parents, if it seems to you that your child could study better and be less rude to others, do not rush to sigh: "Probably, he lacks our parental love." Perhaps the reason is completely different, and these reasons can be many. It may very well be that he lacks on your part culture samples, elementary help to the child and the ability to organize his life. Perhaps you lack not love, but your own organization: you lack the necessary knowledge and discipline to embody your parental intentions. And the best manifestation of your parental love will be that you begin to teach yourself organization and other important life skills. Start working with yourself, get on the Distance.
And most likely, you just haven't taught your child gratitude.
Video from Yana Schastie: interview with professor of psychology N.
I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn't be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.
- Mother's love
- Love for a child Kozlov
- Erroneous behavior
- Education of children
- Psychology myths
- Video
Comments (16):
Guest, 30:13
Now there is a worthy film: Entira’s game. An illustration of the types of leaders, and parental care, and the wise choice of a child, and self-restraint, and the ability to trust the new generation, and the ability to let go of children, .
... just look or let the distant ones do it, and you will receive a dry residue and material for your further conclusions and finds :) Thank you for mailing. Svetlana.
Guest, November 30, 2013, 7:42 pm
I have a daughter, she is 30 years old, with a good education, with beauty, but with great laziness. And she connects all her failures precisely with the fact that I paid little attention to her. At her 8 years old, I had to become a "dad", i.e. Earn Money. There are no time limits in business. Either you are all in it, or there is no business. And so the business came around. It would probably be better if all of us, me, my mother and daughter, died of hunger, but close by. For some reason, she is not grateful that today we are all together again, in Europe, in better social conditions than we were before. Teacher-Psychologist (without boots), Marina, Budapest.
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Guest, March 11, 2019, 01:56
YOU are a wonderful mother.
And now the task is to learn to wait for grandchildren and great-grandchildren - it is the heirs who restore the balance. WAIT and preserve your own health is more difficult than business, but if you wish, it is doable. To die of starvation side by side is the snot of losers and "leeches" - such heirs do not happen, since there is no inheritance ..... And they have no one to wait for and there is no need ...
Guest, November 30, 2013, 9:47 pm
Thank you so much for your work, I love your articles very much. Let me disagree, it seems to me that there is a universal idea of parental love - this is concern for the welfare of the child. When a child feels this from our side in relation to himself more than once, he will imbue us with boundless trust and a sense of security. Isn't this the language of love? And then we can already afford a lot in communicating with him: and somewhere a stick bend a little, and make a mistake, and shout. He will forgive us, but not with pain, but even with humor, because he feels the main thing - we always love him.
The question is, what is the concern for the welfare of the child? At first glance, it seems that this is already clear to everyone. Here are some examples: We wish the child a happy childhood - and at the same time we deprive him of sweets as a punishment. This is violence in my opinion. But we want to achieve the right behavior for his good - we will express our opinion to him dissatisfaction with the act and at the same time add: you will receive the promised candy and we will go for the promised walk. It's your child's right. But I'm very angry with you. And you will do it as it is supposed to - at the same time the child is happy, and there is a result in business ... And even our cry will not be offensive to the child if he knows from experience that we cry not because he irritates us (selfish motive), but because we are worried about him or for violating some important order of things for everyone .
(It is difficult to convey your thoughts in writing).
Guest, December 06, 2013, 11:25 PM
Hello, allow me to comment. It's not about you, but rather that your daughter is just comfortable blaming everything on you. And thus relieve yourself of all responsibility. You just need to make her understand in some way that only she herself is responsible for her life, and that in life no one owes her anything, including you (by the way, it would be good for you to understand that you don’t owe her anything, but everything you need, you already gave her).
Guest, December 13, 2013, 01:19 AM
Good topic and relevant. It is a pity that the article does not cover it in full. "She readily fulfills his desires in full, but that's all." It's nothing? And for some reason I really wanted to join that tribe. :) "... and parental exactingness and developmental procedures turn out to be more important" - it is strange then, why is it that ordinary school children do not have enough for harmonious development? Already there is exactingness, and developing procedures - regularly.
"... parental attention and love does not exhaust everything that a child needs" - Yes, it does not. And how does this statement prove that the feeling of lack of this love and attention does not lead to destructive development? "... he himself will find something to do with greater benefit." What if he doesn't find it? or not beneficial?
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Guest, August 02, 2017, 19:04
Yes, indeed, it is not clear why Love and attention in the author of the article are opposed to exactingness and developmental procedures? Loving parents are first of all not indifferent (anxiety is another). But exactingness without love will definitely not bring anything good.
Guest, December 14, 2013, 5:51 pm
Exactly!
Bashurova Dina Dmitrievna, January 11, 2014, 05:57
Thank you for the newsletter. Great article! I am very interested in the issue of raising a teenager. I have a 10 year old son.
I want him to grow up to be a real man. I understand that he will not become like this by himself, a lot depends on me. What I sow, I will reap, but I don’t know how to educate. Articles like these provide guidance. Thank you very much for your work!
Victoria, September 24, 2015, 00:32
Thank you, I understand everything!
Guest, December 20, 2016, 5:13 PM
It seems that the article is written for parents whom children accuse of something. In fact, there is nothing wrong with children demanding more motherly love. Plus, it’s strange to hear that you don’t need to communicate with children. Different cultures, different requirements.
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N.I. Kozlov, December 20, 2016, 7:17 pm
Be careful: the fact that children WANT more motherly love is natural and understandable. And when children from normal parents DEMAND this love, this is already unacceptable. Only parents can demand, elders - they.
And if disgruntled children also blame their parents, this is just a mess for the family. Yes, just one more note - I write about good families and smart parents.
Guest, March 16, 2017, 07:18 PM
My daughter was given so much affection, love, care, education by all family members of different generations that even the most demanding critic would not find fault. As a result, she grew up as a primeval daffodil, and by the age of 25, when she received everything from her family, she coldly sent everyone as useless in her life. Including a sick mother, whom she left without funds and support. She silently ignored requests for help. When requests for help turned into pleas, then her reaction was an aggressive irritation: "Go to f ..." a sadistic cold response to her mother's requests for help. The worst thing is that she came up with an excuse for herself - an unhappy unloved childhood.
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Guest, December 07, 2017 10:46 PM
I guess your daughter is right.
Apparently, throughout your childhood you did not notice your jambs. November 08, 2017 Of course, I believe that attention and love is when you raise a child as a harmonious personality who knows that she is loved and understood in the family. I perceive the exactingness of parents with hostility, since initially I consider the birth of a child to be a whim of adults. Maybe in other cultural customs, where there is a way of perceiving love simply by orders "bring it, give it", it comes from the general socio-cultural development and intelligence in which certain individuals develop, but in our country, I think that such requirements for children are not good, and to people in general. It's like "shut up and do it! I'm a parent, I have power." Maybe you didn't convey your point clearly.
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Kozlov Nikolay Ivanovich, November 09, 2017, 06:56
Yes, I write about good families and smart, loving parents.
So, in such families, the exactingness of parents is natural and obligatory, since this exactingness does not serve the interests of the parents, but the future of the child. The child wants to dine with sweets and be lazy instead of studying - so what? If I love my children, I will teach my children to other, more promising habits for them.
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