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How to tell if you are with the right person


How Do You Know that You're with the Right Person?

At some point in most relationships, people ask themselves the same question, “Is this one the right person for me?” Whether you’re brand new or seven years in, it’s an inevitable question.

The question isn’t necessarily born out of doubt or insecurity. It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance out your romantic, attachment feelings for your significant other. We may love someone immensely, but still not be compatible with him or her in the long-term.

So how do you know you’re with the right person? How do you know your love will stand the test of time?

Once you’ve moved on from the honeymoon phase of a new relationship — where you’re both enamored of the “newness” of the relationship and exploring each others personalities and histories — relationships tend to settle into a familiar, comfortable pattern. Couples build upon shared experiences that tend to bring them closer together and reinforce their couplehood.

Sometimes along the path of couplehood, however, people in relationships hit rough patches. Those are normal and to be expected. But they can also be signs of greater, unspoken issues in the relationship, and raise the question of whether you’re truly right for one another.

7 Signs You’re With the Right Person

1. Satisfaction is high for both

Relationships that work out in the long-term have one important thing in common — both partners claim to experience high levels of satisfaction with the relationship. It’s working for them, boosting them up on days when they’re feeling down, and sharing in and celebrating each other’s life accomplishments. Both people in the relationship feel like they’re benefiting from it.

You’re in the right relationship if you feel your partner is there for you when you need support, and that the relationship is overall a great addition to your life. In short, it’s adding value to the joy you experience in life.

2. Conflict is handled in a similar or complementary manner for both

Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal. It’s not the conflict itself that’s generally a problem, but rather how each person handles that conflict is an important indicator of whether that person is right for you. Two people who have entirely different and contradictory ways of handling conflict aren’t likely to last long.

You’re in the right relationship if you and your partner handle conflict in similar or complementary ways. You don’t have to be exactly on the same page, but you do have to agree on how arguments will be handled and respect each other’s choices and argument style.

3. There is no abuse or manipulation — of any kind

You may think this is a given and that it doesn’t even need to be said. But too many people “settle” for a relationship where abuse — emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical — occurs. Even once is one time too many. A normal, healthy relationship is one where such abuse never occurs because it’s not even on the table. The same goes for manipulation as well. If you ignored little warning signs along the way thinking that you could “change” the other person into doing less of an offensive behavior, you were kidding yourself. You can’t change others — they need to change themselves (and actively work toward such change).

The right relationship for you will not have any kind of abuse or manipulation occurring in it. Love never condones abuse for any reason.

4. You have never been more satisfied in a relationship

If you compare your current relationship with all of your past ones and find that the current one pushes all of the right buttons, that’s a sign you’ve made the right choice. You have to be careful with this one, however, because memory is not always accurate in our recollection of the past. We often change things in ways that fit our own internal narrative, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. So you have to try and be as objective as you can when doing this.

If you can’t remember another relationship that felt better, treated you better, or helped boost your life in pursuit of your dreams and happiness, then you’re in the right relationship.

5. You can’t imagine being more happy and satisfied

Tied to #1, not only is satisfaction high in the relationship for both people, but you can’t imagine being any happier in a relationship with anyone else. People who do imagine other relationships being more happy are typically unsatisfied with one or more aspects of their current relationship. And generally, I’m not talking about minor annoyances (like how he never takes out the trash until he’s asked). I’m talking about significant relationship issues that burden you with their weight every week.

You’re in the right relationship if you can’t readily imagine being more happy or satisfied with another person.

6. You know who you are and what you want out of life

People in a satisfied and happy romantic relationship know who they are and what they want out of life. If you don’t know those things, you’d be hard pressed to say whether you’re with the right person, because you don’t even know yourself well enough to ask the question.

The right person for you will be someone you know you want and need in your life, that complements your personality and expectations, and adds to your life in ways that you most value. If you truly know yourself and your own needs, you also likely know what kind of person you most want.

7. Neither person harbors long-standing resentments toward the other, nor withholds forgiveness

If occasional conflict is normal in relationships, ruminating and holding on to resentments is not. People who can’t let go of past hurts are typically not people who can hold on to a relationship, because inevitably they will find a reason to resent their significant other. Healthy people find ways to let go such hurts with time and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a part of every healthy relationship; withholding forgiveness is akin to withholding love.

You’re in the right relationship if both you and your partner are able to let past resentments go, and forgive each other with an open heart.

35 Signs You’re With The Right Person

The very question "Am I with the right person?" implies that, on some level, you're having second thoughts. It'd be so nice to have a definitive answer and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that your partner is "the one." Unfortunately, there’s not a giant green flag waving above your partner’s head when you first meet them, encouraging you to pursue the relationship. But since life and relationships are never that straightforward, doubts and worries are bound to arise. It’s normal for couples in long-term relationships to experience reservations at some point.

And yet, as Annie Wright, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist, tells Bustle, it doesn't necessarily mean you're destined for a breakup. "Contrary to what [movies] and most pop songs teach us," she says, "love and being with the 'right' partner doesn't always look like fireworks or being completely certain about the other. "

It's likely you'll experience moments of ambivalence, boredom, and even doubt. This is especially true if you have a history of toxic relationships, Sasha Jackson, MSW, LCSW, a licensed therapist, tells Bustle. "It’s important to explore if you're allowing past negative experiences to overshadow your current relationship," she says. "If this is the case, take time to talk to your partner about insecurities and seek therapy to help you overcome your past. This way you can have a healthy and happy relationship."

Reassessing the positives and negatives (even if there aren’t that many) of your relationship is very important, as it could help you figure out if you’re right for each other in the long run. Do you still connect as well as you did in the beginning on issues, opinions, and lifestyles? Do you see yourself still with them in the next five years as you pursue professional and personal growth?

Dr. Jaclyn Gulotta, PHD, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor, believes it’s helpful to reevaluate what’s important to you as well as what makes the relationship feel special. “If you find someone that still meets your personal relationship expectations even after being together for a while, then that may be the right person. Being in a relationship where you are able to find a compromise to each partner’s expectations is important for building a strong foundation,” Gulotta tells Bustle.

So, wondering how to know if you're with the right person? Here are 35 signs you are, even if you've been questioning your relationship.

1

It's Easy To Be Around Them

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One of the most important feelings to look for, when assessing if a partner is right for you, is comfort. "If you have a sense of ease in being with this person — you're not often on edge, hyper-vigilant, waiting for a fight, or feeling neglected — that is a good sign," Virginia Williamson, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.

It doesn't mean you won't have occasional arguments or moments of tension. It just means the overall vibe feels relaxed and natural.

2

You Can Be Yourself In The Relationship

Branching off of that, you know it's OK to be yourself. You feel free to say what's on your mind, to bring up tough topics, to let your hair down — because you know they won't pass judgment or love you any less. “Bending to impress a person or your partner is never a brilliant idea. Showing your true colors from the beginning is a fundamental aspect of a happy and healthy relationship,” Barbara Santini, MSCI, psychologist and sex and relationship adviser, tells Bustle.

This also means they approach with love and understanding even when you aren't at your best, like when you're sick, in a bad mood, or closed off because you're going through a tough time.

3

You Still Get Excited

Even if you've been together for a long time, you'll still have moments of excitement — like when you greet each other after being apart all day. It's all a sign you're in the right place and with the right person. As Williamson says, "Not every day has to or will be filled with passion, but there should still be some excitement about spending time together."

4

Your Personalities Are Complementary

They say opposites attract, but sometimes a really great match can be found in someone who complements you. So take a moment to assess. Are they outgoing, while you're reserved? Are they thoughtful, while you're quick to find solutions to problems? You're likely with the right person if "your differences bring balance to each other's lives," relationship expert Amber Artis tells Bustle.

5

You Share The Same Values

Do you share similar worldviews and have similar thoughts, morals, values, and beliefs? If so, you're on the right track, Saudia L. Twine, Ph.D., LPC, LLMFT, a marriage therapist and relationship coach, tells Bustle. While sharing hobbies and interests is great, these things are so much more important because they mean you're heading in the same direction in life.

6

You Stay On The Same "Team" When Arguing

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Relationships tend to fall apart when partners view each other as enemies during fights, instead of looking for ways to stay on the same team even when they’re both super mad. If you and your partner are a good match, Twine says, you'll notice that you work through conflict, voice your concerns, listen, and reach a resolution.

You argue, but it never gets vicious. And more importantly, you always come out on the other side with new boundaries and a better understanding of one another.

7

You Know They're Loyal

Think about how it feels when you call and your partner doesn't answer. Or send a text and they don't write back. Or they get home late from work. Do you assume the worst? Or know that everything's A-OK? Santini says trust is the pillar of healthy relationships. “If you can easily trust each other in anything you do, this shows you are comfortable with each other,” Santini says.

While past relationship history can play into how easy it is to trust a partner, you're likely with the right person if a) you can talk about these insecurities and b) they're open and honest and willing to do whatever it takes to develop trust in your relationship.

8

You Actually Hear Each Other

What this essentially means is that, when you voice your concerns, your partner actually listens, Twine says, and as a result you feel heard and understood.

Listening to each other also prevents small problems from becoming bigger ones, which is important if you want to stick together.

9

You Can't Pinpoint What's Wrong

"Thoughts strongly influence how we interpret behaviors of others and our expectations," Dr. Danielle Forshee, a clinical psychologist and licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. So, take a second to evaluate this idea that something's "wrong" in your relationship.

For instance, you may think, "My partner doesn't put a ton of effort into romance anymore. Our relationship isn't good and they don't love me." But when you look at reality, it's easy to point out all the ways they're caring and sweet. That's why, as Forshee says, it's important to check in with yourself. Your thoughts may not be consistent with what's actually going on and may be what's causing unnecessary feelings of doubt.

10

You Feel The Chemistry

Even if you're having a moment of doubt, consider whether you still feel chemistry — aka, that easy, breezy, flirty, fun positivity — more often than not.

"This chemistry is an intangible quality that is often hard to measure," Nicholas Hardy, LCSW, a psychotherapist, tells Bustle. "But you know it when it is there, as well as when it is not there." It's OK if you're going through a rough patch. All couples do, at times. But if that chemistry is there, it's yet another sign you're a good match.

11

Your Doubts Come And Go

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Consider whether these doubts are fleeting or if they stick around. As Hardy says, "Too much questioning could allude to deeper problems in the relationship." You'll want to trust your gut and take a closer look to figure out why you feel the way you do.

But if the doubt only pops up once in a blue moon and doesn't feel very strong, chances are you're doing OK.

12

You Are Respected

Keep an eye out on the daily — as well as in moments when disrespect might be on full display, like during an argument — and ask yourself, "Do I feel safe? Do I feel respected?"

"This is a big one," Salina Schmidgall, M.Ed., PLPC, NCC, a mental health therapist, tells Bustle. "If you don't feel either of these, you aren't with the right person." Disrespect might look like yelling, crossing boundaries, name-calling, lying — the list goes on and on. You won't have to deal with any of these things in a secure, healthy relationship.

13

Your Partner Is The First Person You Call

If you get a promotion, adopt a puppy, or just generally have a great day, who's the first person you call? If it's your partner, Schmidgall says, that's a good sign. The same is true with the bad stuff. If your partner is one of the first people you call, it not only shows you value them but that they're a source of comfort.

14

You Feel Like The Best Version Of Yourself

Do you like who you are around your partner? And do they encourage you to be better? If they're happy with who you are right now but also boost you up and help you reach your goals, you've struck gold, Cathy Sullivan-Windt, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle.

The same is true in reverse. You love who they are right now but also want to see them succeed, whether it's with a personal goal, a work goal, or otherwise. You both support each other in being "better" — and growing into who you want to be as individuals.

15

Your Friends Are All About It

While you'll always want to trust your own assessment of the relationship — since you and your partner are the only ones in it — getting an outside perspective can come in handy, especially if you're having second thoughts.

If well-intentioned individuals — like close friends and family — are supportive and happy for you, Hardy says, you're likely with the right person.

16

You Like Their Friends

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"There is some truth to the statement that the people one chooses to surround themselves with says a lot about a person," Sullivan-Windt says. So, take a look at the people your partner associates with, and consider what it reveals.

"This doesn’t mean you have to share hobbies with your significant other's friends," she says, "but it is important that they are people you respect at a minimum — and ideally people you’d like to spend time with, too." If their friends welcome you into their group with open arms, and vice versa, you've got a truly excellent situation on your hands.

17

You're Both Comfortable Spending Time Apart

"Taking time away from your partner and having aspects of your own life that you participate in solo is great for a healthy relationship," Emily Griffin, MA, LCPC, LPC, a mental health therapist, tells Bustle. "Having hobbies and social gatherings without our partner lets us gain self-worth outside of our relationship, which is healthy for everyone involved."

Not to mention, if you're both cool with spending time apart — and can do so without it feeling like a big deal — it shows you have a good level of trust and respect for each other.

18

Everything Seems Fair And Balanced

Making decisions, doing chores, paying bills. It all carries a mental load, Griffin says, which is why you're likely with the right person if they understand that — and do their part.

You don't want it to feel like you're the only one doing the heavy lifting, she says, since that can lead to resentment. Instead, it should feel like you both show up 100% and take on these responsibilities together.

19

You're Willing To Work On The Relationship

"There’s a natural ebb and flow to relationships," dating expert Samantha Daniels tells Bustle. So, even if you're definitely going through a tough time, consider your reaction to it all. If you still feel willing to acknowledge problems and work toward concrete solutions, it's a sign you still see the relationship as "worth it." You want to make things work because there's value.

If you're still unsure, however, "talk to your partner about your concerns and fears," Daniels says. They need to know how you feel so they can join you in making positive changes.

20

Your Partner Actively Listens To You, And Vice Versa

If you and your partner can have an authentic conversation, feeding off each other’s energy, and you notice that they’re really paying attention to every word coming out of your mouth, you’re with the right person. This may seem inevitable, but more often than not, it’s easy for a partner to just nod their head or change the subject instead of genuinely listening and acknowledging your words.

Pippa Murphy, a sex and relationship expert, says to watch your partner when you talk: “Do they let you take the lead and not turn every conversation back onto them? Do they remember things you have told them in the past?” This shows that your partner actually cares about your opinions and is invested in engaging in healthy conversation with you.

21

They Are Authentically Happy About Your Personal Growth

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In a long-term relationship, you might experience professional, emotional, physical changes that wouldn’t just affect you, but your partner as well. “Perhaps you gain a promotion, move to a completely new job, or tick off a big life goal of yours. If your partner is authentically happy and excited about your successes, then that’s a positive sign that you’re with the right partner,” Murphy tells Bustle.

You can use your partner’s reaction to this personal growth as a way to decipher if you’re truly compatible. “Alternatively, if you feel that your partner is holding you back or not supporting you, then that’s a sign you could be in an unhealthy relationship,” Murphy says.

22

You Aren’t Just In Love, But In Like As Well

Sometimes understanding whether you’re with the right person comes down not to how you both express love, but how you express “like. ” If you genuinely consider your partner one of your closest friends, or maybe even your best friend, it’s more likely that you’re with the right person. “Liking our partner is highly undervalued, yet it’s far easier to sustain love when you truly like each other as individuals and enjoy each other’s company,” Holly Battey, PsyD, matchmaker and dating coach, tells Bustle.

23

They Acknowledge And Repect Your Past Trauma

One of the most important deciding factors when it comes to your relationship’s future is whether or not they understand your past traumas or negative experiences. Some of those memories might still affect you to this day, and if your partner doesn’t respect that, it might mean they don’t truly know you.

If you’ve properly communicated these traumas to your partner and they respond with a disregarding attitude, they’re not your person. “They should be aware of your pain and show that they are capable of being the person that is able to sit in the pain with you, not try to fix you,” Matthew Brace, LMFT, tells Bustle.

24

Their Words And Actions Correspond

The saying “actions speak louder than words” proves to be true here. If your partner keeps saying they’ll take you out to dinner, or they’ll fold the clothes in the dryer, or they’ll make dinner, but you have noticed they’re not following through with these claims, it could be a red flag. “If your partner is willing to make and keep commitments with you, that’s a green light,” Chloe Ballatore, relationship and communication expert, tells Bustle.

25

You’re Learning From Each Other

Ballatore says being in a relationship that actively teaches you new things can be incredibly stimulating, and it may even be a deal breaker if it’s not happening. If you’re learning new opinions, new approaches, and new outlooks on life, you could notice that you’re growing into a more well-rounded version of yourself.

26

You Know You Can Ask For Space And Receive It

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Spending time apart partaking in different activities is incredibly important, but sometimes you just need some time alone with yourself and your individual thoughts. Gulotta tells Bustle that your partner should acknowledge your own personal need for self-care and be willing to give you the alone time you need.

“When you are with the right person, they will respect your time. Your partner should acknowledge that personal self-care time is important in order to be a better version of yourself,” Gulotta says. Whether you need to take an hour-long bath or go on a walk by yourself, your partner should respect that and give you appropriate space.

27

You Both Respect Each Other’s Love Languages

Every person has a different relationship with the five love languages; words of affirmation, gift giving, quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Each person will receive and give out love in unique ways. Sarah Kaufman, LMSW, psychotherapist, tells Bustle that understanding your partner’s and your own love languages can be incredibly powerful in a romantic relationship.

“If you’ve expressed your needs for more quality time or more words of affirmation [or] communication, and your partner has put in effort to make adjustments, that goes a long way,” Kaufman says. Through your partner’s acknowledgement of your love languages, you’ll also feel like you want to accommodate theirs. “For example, [you might become] more comfortable with PDA because your partner is big on physical touch, while your partner knows you need a certain amount of communication [and] has actively increased their understanding of you,” Kaufman says.

28

Your Partner Doesn’t Try To Change You

If you feel you have remained authentic and true to who you are as an individual throughout your entire relationship, this is definitely a green flag. “The right person accepts you for who you are, with all of your flaws and weaknesses. Your partner does help you realize where you're wrong, but they don’t ask you to change your habits to appease them or their lifestyle,” Dr. Lea McMahon LPC, EdD, licensed counselor, tells Bustle.

29

They Create Intimacy In The Least Intimate Moments

Feeling romantically connected to your partner can happen in other moments besides sex. Wendy Sterling, CPCC, ACC, CDS, divorce recovery specialist, tells Bustle that intimacy can be created through conversation, intellect, and emotional connection. “Intimacy is about a true mind, body, and soul connection that permeates throughout your body like an electrical charge, even while just making dinner or talking on the phone on your way home from work,” Sterling says. Emotional intimacy is a very real thing.

30

You’re Both Committed To The Relationship

Relationship expert Sandra Myers notes that relationship dynamics change over time. “The period of initial animalistic chemistry will fade and your relationship will evolve over time,” Myers tells Bustle. Myers says if your partner is still as committed to your partnership as they were in the very beginning, you’re with the right one. “You both truly want to make it work,” she says.

31

You Could Live With This Person Exactly As They Are Today

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If you’re telling yourself, “one day they’ll change,” your partner is not the person you’re meant to be with. Leah Carey, sex and intimacy coach, acknowledges that it’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing with that with the right influence, the other person’s quirks and flaws will smooth out. “If you can’t imagine being in a relationship with this person a few years down the road exactly the way they are today, it’s probably time to re-evaluate your choices,” Carey tells Bustle. Imagine moving in with your partner tomorrow. Could you do it? If you could, that’s a great sign.

32

You Fight Without Getting Resentful

Carey understands that every couple fights differently. “Depending on the couple, fights may be quite subdued, or they may include raised voices and slammed doors. But name calling, bringing up the past, and intentionally saying or doing hurtful things are in the no-go zone,” Carey says. If you notice it’s hard for you to move past things your partner has said while fighting, this might be a sign that it’s time to move on.

33

You Feel Comfortable Making Decisions Together

The farther along you are in a relationship, the more you might rely on your partner when making tough decisions or choices. Getting your partner’s perspective on things can be really helpful. Katina Tarver, MA, relationship and life coach, understands that as individuals, partners may function differently.

“When it comes to making important decisions about life, your relationship, your professional life, kids, or the future, if you’re both on the same page and feel safe to communicate your thoughts, that’s a cue of a perfect match,” Tarver tells Bustle.

34

Your Partner Treats Others Well

Being treated well by your partner is definitely important, but Sonya Schwartz, dating and relationship expert, says it’s also necessary to watch how your partner treats other people. If they treat people you introduce them to with as much kindness as they give you, then you’re likely with the right person. Watch how they treat their employees, restaurant waiters, and more everyday people, and see if you notice any red flags.

35

You Just "Know"

There might not be a definitive answer when it comes to whether or not your partner is right for you. Read this article, write pro and con lists, and do whatever else will help you gain clarity — but most importantly, check in with yourself.

"When people say, 'when you know you know,' it really is the case," Schmidgall says. "It's really a matter of trusting our own judgment and listening to our gut. Your body tells you a lot about what's going on — listen to it."

Sources:

Annie Wright, LMFT, licensed psychotherapist

Sasha Jackson, MSW, LCSW, licensed therapist

Virginia Williamson, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist

Amber Artis, relationship expert

Saudia L. Twine, Ph.D., LPC, LLMFT, marriage therapist and relationship coach

Samantha Daniels, dating expert

Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, dating and relationship coach

Nicholas Hardy, LCSW, psychotherapist

Salina Schmidgall, M. Ed., PLPC, NCC, mental health therapist

Cathy Sullivan-Windt, Ph.D., licensed psychologist

Dr. Danielle Forshee, clinical psychologist and licensed clinical social worker

Emily Griffin, MA, LCPC, LPC, mental health therapist

Pippa Murphy, a sex and relationship expert

Holly Battey, PsyD, matchmaker & dating coach

Matthew Brace, LMFT, marriage and family therapist

Chloe Ballatore, relationship and communication expert

Dr. Jaclyn Gulotta, PHD, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor, relationship expert

Sarah Kaufman, LMSW, psychotherapist

Dr. Lea McMahon LPC, EdD, licensed counselor, adjunct professor of Psychology

Wendy Sterling, CPCC, ACC, CDS, divorce recovery specialist and relationship coach

Sandra Myers, relationship expert

Leah Carey, sex and intimacy coach

Katina Tarver, MA, relationship and life coach

Sonya Schwartz, dating and relationship expert

Barbara Santini, MSCI, psychologist, sex and relationship adviser

This article was originally published on

How to understand that the right person is nearby

Relationships are difficult, no matter how much we would like to think otherwise. However, it is much easier to deal with everything together.

Anna Polovinkina

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As soon as the "bouquet-candy period" ends, you begin to analyze the real reasons for compatibility. Understanding this can be tricky, especially if you've never been in a long-term relationship.

Here are some tips to help you figure it out:

You make compromises

The key to any successful relationship is compromise, says Keith Moyle, a relationship therapist, to the Independent. “This (relationship) will always be a struggle between individual needs, and you should not expect everything to match perfectly,” the expert says.

If it's easy for you to find a "golden mean" when you disagree on something, you can be sure that your partner is a reliable assistant.

Helping you feel better

The right person will give you the opportunity to become your most confident person, says dating coach James Preece. A good partner wants you to be happy and not doubt yourself. You yourself must feel it.

Say goodbye to partners who make you constantly doubt your thoughts and appearance. This is a clear sign that something is going wrong.

You are being listened to attentively

A good partner will listen carefully to everything you have to say. No matter how boring it may seem.

The ability to make another feel heard (even if the content of the discussion does not really interest us) shows the person that he is worthy of time and attention. And this is very important and valuable for any of us.

You have similar values ​​

You don't have to have exactly the same interests as a potential partner. In fact, sometimes it is useful to have completely different hobbies - so you will always have something to "surprise" each other.

However, if you want to have a long-term relationship with someone, you need to be sure that you are both moving in the same direction. It is worth discussing your core life goals and values.

“You are a team and should be on the same wavelength,” Preece says. It could be your attitude towards your children, where you want to live, or your lifestyle in general. In any case, if something is important to you, it should be of great importance to your partner as well.

You have healthy discussions

Disputes in a relationship are inevitable. Of course, every dialogue should not end in quarrels. But with the right person, you should be able to express even opposing views without "cracks" or breakups.

You must learn to accept each other's points of view, even if they don't agree at all. This shows that you value and respect the opinion of the other.

You're not afraid to say what's on your mind

When you're around the right person, you never feel guilty about what you said, Preece says. “You have to be yourself and show all sides of your personality,” adds the expert. The right person will always be able to listen to you and help you if problems arise.

Small nice things

A romantic gesture does not have to be grandiose. In fact, sometimes it's the little details that matter the most. “You don’t have to spend a lot of money or spoil your partner to know that you are thinking of him,” says Kate Moyle. It could be a cup of tea in bed in the morning, dinner, or just a nice message.

Related:

4 subtle signs that your relationship is in danger

How to know that you truly love someone

March 17, 2021

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You can listen to this article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

Blogger Chris Gage has compiled her list of the right symptoms and the things that are just confusing.

False signs

1. You think about this person all the time. This is a blind infatuation. If you are constantly thinking about someone, you cannot focus on other important things. And this is already a problem. True love fits into life, not captures it.

2. You constantly yearn for your partner or cannot live without him even a day. See above.

3. This person means everything to you. The same.

4. You cannot imagine the future without the object of your feelings. If you try, you can imagine anything. For example, that you moved to Switzerland and graze goats there. But this does not mean that you really need such a turn. And in the phrases “When I think about the future, I always imagine how he / she helps me cope with everything, no matter what happens”, “My future without him / her simply does not make sense”, the object of love can easily be replaced with a new job or your favorite dog.

The problem is that we have turned love into a form of escapism. We measure potential partners by how they fit into our fantasies.

Only this has nothing to do with love. So yes, imagine a partner in your future, but not because he "makes life complete."

5. This person is the one you have always dreamed of. See above.

6. You want your partner to always be there. You have clearly never been in a healthy long-term relationship. Yes, you must want to see your lover or beloved. But not always! Sometimes you need to be alone with yourself, work or do other things. Don't think that you don't love someone just because you want to be alone from time to time.

7. You will do anything to impress your lover. It's even scary. And why are you trying so hard? Loving doesn't mean making a good impression.

8. You are afraid of losing this person. There is no fear of loss in healthy love. This is attachment.

9. You are jealous. And this is again attachment, not mature love.

10. This person is beautiful. This is most likely just flattering to your vanity. And, in general, it is very stupid.

11. He is kind. Well, it's great that your emotional needs are met. But it only says that your partner deserves love. It is not a fact that you are experiencing it for him.

12. You just know. This is the most useless answer ever. Do not repeat such stupid things for others, calling them romantic, because you do not have a normal explanation.

Signs to watch out for

1. Your time with your partner is the best time of the day. Depends on how things are with the rest. Well, if you are satisfied with your life and the partner only makes it even better. It’s bad if you don’t like everything, and communication with him is the only outlet for you - . It's time to get on with your life.

2. You put your partner's interests above everything else. Well, if you really care about his desires and needs and you pay attention to them without destroying yourself. It is bad if you sacrifice your needs or evaluate yourself only by the ability to make your partner happy.

Signs that you like him/her as a person

1. The object of your feelings is not like everyone else. Here he or she is lucky.

2. You like not only his appearance. Congratulations, all is not lost for you.

3. You wish this person happiness. Excellent. It would be nice to wish happiness to most people.

4. With it, you are ready to try something new. Great, you have found someone with whom you are comfortable and pleased.

5. Your partner inspires you to be better. Role models are also inspiring, but you don't like them.

Signs of true love

1. You have decided to love. Love is an action, not a feeling. It is a conscious decision that you make over and over again.

2. You show love. You invest and make efforts. You don't intentionally hurt. You don't retaliate, you don't manipulate, you don't coward. Your partner's needs don't annoy you. You are not trying to take up all of his time. You feel confident without constant beliefs in reciprocity.

You value your partner's point of view. You learn the language in which he expresses love. You make decisions based on their interests and needs. You support. You care and accept care.

3. You show love even when you don't feel like it. It's easy to think that you love when things are going smoothly in a relationship. But much more important is the period when difficulties begin.