How to tell an introvert likes you

10 Subtle Signs an Introvert Is Interested in Dating You

“You liked me? I had no idea!”

I was sitting across from a friend in a coffee shop, and I had just admitted that years ago I’d had a big crush on him. His response: complete and utter shock.

I’ll be honest, this wasn’t the first time I’d been interested in a guy and he had absolutely no clue. Basically all my crushes throughout school worked this way. As an introvert, I don’t shout my interest and affection from a rooftop. I barely whisper it in a dark room to myself.

Yep, this internally-focused introvert can be plain ‘ole hard to read.

How do you know if an introvert is interested in dating you? As an introvert author, this is one of the questions I get asked most often. Hopeful extroverts (and some daring introverts) email me and lay out all the details of their situation. Then they ask, “Do you think he/she is into me?”

So, to answer this question, here are ten subtle signs that an introvert likes you. I can’t speak for all introverts, because we’re individuals, after all. These signs are based on my own experiences, as well as the experiences of introverts I interviewed for my book.

(Are you sure the person you’re interested in is an introvert? You might want to check the definition of introversion.)

1. We open up to you.

Generally speaking, introverts are looking for more than just a simple give-and-take relationship. We’re looking for a soul connection, a meeting of the minds. So, when we like you, we share our inner world of thoughts, feelings, and daydreams with you. We tell you about that one time in college we swore we’d take to the grave. We tell you that we’ve always felt like an alien dropped onto this planet from another world, and do you feel that way too? These are things we don’t blab to just anyone. We’re telling you because we think you’re special — and we want to peek into your inner world, too.

2. We know just a liiiiitle more about you than we reasonably should.

That’s because we’ve been ~~internet stalking~~ researching you. It probably began the day we met you. We needed photos, whereabouts, interests, and that oh-so-important relationship status. We’ve googled your name, found you on Instagram, and checked for mutual friends on Facebook.

We’re paying attention in other ways, too. We might drop your name casually into a conversation with mutual acquaintances and see what information they offer up. We might make a mental note that every Monday you eat lunch in the break room — and surprise, we’re brown-bagging it today, too! For the introvert, information is power.

3. We’re often one of the first people to comment on or “like” your social media posts.

This is the collateral damage of all that ~~incessant internet stalking~~ research.

4. We watch you out of the corner of our eye.

Not in a creepy way. We’re admiring you (and checking you out). Introverts are natural observers. If you catch us looking at you more than once, we might be into you.

5. We laugh nervously around you.

Or blush. Or stutter. Or get hopelessly tongue-tied. Generally, we appear nervous and/or hyper-alert in your presence. That’s because talking to you probably pushes us waaaay outside our introvert comfort zone.

6. We write you a love letter.

Okay, more likely, it’s just a well-worded text. But those Hey, how are you? or How’s your day going? messages are pretty much love letters in our minds. Generally, introverts feel more comfortable expressing themselves in writing than in conversation. That’s because we can struggle with word retrieval. Writing our thoughts allows us to thoroughly reflect on what we want to communicate before we push send.

7. We actually answer your calls — or call you.

It’s no secret that introverts absolutely loathe talking on the phone. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that we let all calls go to voicemail unless we think someone’s in the hospital or the pizza delivery guy is here. If we pick up when you call — or spend hours talking to you on the phone (or Skype) — we’re probably head-over-heels for you.

8. We invite you to our favorite hangouts.

Going back to #1, we don’t share our private introvert world with just anyone. We probably have some places that are practically sacred to us, like our favorite hiking trail, a coffee shop where we go to write, or a bookstore that makes us feel like everything is right in the world. When we take you to these places, we’re trying to share a little piece of what makes us, well, us.

9. We share our writing, art, or favorite bands and movies with you.

Often, for introverts, our art, music, and movies help define us. Because we can struggle to communicate what is so deeply felt inside us, we turn to creative expression to get the thoughts out. Similar to #8, we don’t share these pieces of ourselves with just anyone. When we show them to you, know that you are special to us.

10. We step outside our comfort zone for you.

We may push ourselves to do things we normally wouldn’t do — like going to a party or getting lost in a sea of concert-goers at a music festival — if we know you’ll be there. We may stay up late texting you, even though we know we’ll suffer at work or school tomorrow. For you, we’d willingly give ourselves an introvert hangover — and the exhaustion is well worth it.

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Read this: 9 Secrets About Dating an Introvert

Learn more: The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, by Jenn Granneman

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9 Signs an Introvert Likes You (As More Than a Friend)

Introverts are not known for being the most forthright, which can make you wonder if they like you as a person — or more than a friend.

Since we introverts are not always, um, forthright and talkative, when it comes to liking someone romantically, things get even more tricky. How are we supposed to let them know? Are there non-verbal ways to tell them without telling them? Or, conversely, how do we know if an introvert likes us? Dating can be a struggle for an introvert, that’s for sure!

I decided to brainstorm and came up with nine signs an introvert likes you. So if one you know is exhibiting some of the indicators below, you can be pretty sure they’re interested in you as more than a friend.

1. They share personal things with you that they don’t tell others.

As you probably know, we introverts are private people — we rarely discuss things near and dear to us with just anybody. Our interests and passions, too, are well-kept secrets which we only reveal to our well-trusted confidants, friends who “get” us.

Yet, ironically, our interests and passions are key components of who we are. While others may value things they own, we introverts protect our hobbies like valuable heirlooms.

So, what if an introvert shares their inspiration with you? If they tell you about their passions, interests, inspirations, and aspirations, then you are someone they truly trust and see as an important part of their life.

If an introvert doesn’t like you, they’d likely keep that information to themselves. But because they value you and your relationship so highly, they are willing to open up and expose deeper aspects of themselves with you.

2. They share their inner thoughts with you, too (the ones no one usually hears about).

Introverts don’t generally share much about their inner lives; they keep their thoughts to themselves. As a result, they often surprise the people in their lives with big, life-changing decisions when, in reality, they thought deeply about these decisions for a long time.

And, with a select few people, introverts share the details inside their head — their thoughts and their worries, the good news and the bad. If you are one of those people, then you probably play a big role in this introvert’s life.

Okay, let’s take something simple, like talking about your day. For you, it might be natural to tell people what you liked and didn’t like, but for an introvert, they don’t share this information with the world. Rather, they share the details with a small and trustworthy set of people, including you.

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3. They move closer to you when you’re talking, and may touch your hand or arm.

It’s no secret that introverts need their personal space, whether they’re around people or not. If you crowd an introvert, they are going to feel uncomfortable and awkward. It is rare for an introvert to invite others into their personal bubble — it is their safe space, a space they can control and understand.

So, what does it mean when an introvert moves closer to you, physically? Now, this is a big step, for it is something an introvert reserves for their family and closest friends. If they are closing that personal gap, they think of you as someone special.

Physical touch is even more telling. Not only is this introvert close to you, proximity-wise, but they are also creating a physical connection between you two, as well. (Most of the time, introverts try to prevent physical contact with people they don’t know, like, or trust!) When they initiate physical contact, they are sending you a powerful message: They want to be closer to you and they are letting you enter their safe personal space — and that alone signifies a deeper bond.

4. They think of you when you’re not together — they’ll text you and wish you luck with something you told them (like a big meeting at work).

Many introverts don’t like to be put on the spot when it comes to talking or expressing themselves. Instead, we prefer to think about something a while before we say it or use a controlled written medium to get across our thoughts and feelings. This is where writing a letter, email, or text comes into play.

This way, the introvert who likes you can reveal their feelings to you in the best way they can. Whether they share all the complicated thoughts cycling through their head, tell you a funny story, or wish you luck with something you’d told them about (like a big meeting at work), their written communication will mean one thing — that they care about you. (Believe me, we don’t just send anyone messages like this!)

5. They will share their creative endeavors with you, which is no small feat!

Introverts are notoriously creative — you might be surprised by the hobbies they maintain. If an introvert likes you, they will want to share them with you. Let’s say they play music in their free time — they may play you songs they wrote (and even sing in front of you!). It’s not because they want to brag or show off. Not at all. It’s because they want to involve you in the most personal aspects of their lives.

Introverts pour a lot of thought and feeling into their hobbies. Sharing them with another person feels intimate and risky, but for the right person, an introvert would show just how creative they can be.

6. They’ll (actually) approach you (which introverts don’t do 99.9 percent of the time!).

Introverts rarely make the first move — we often rely on others to make connections and start conversations. Sometimes, introverts lack the confidence to cross that boundary; other times, they have plenty of confidence, but prefer to have an “in” to join the conversation.

It’s really important to understand just how important this behavior is for an introvert. It may be nothing for an extrovert, but this simple approaching-you action takes on a whole new meaning for us introverts. It carries more weight and demonstrates that our intention has changed.

So if an introvert approaches you, they’re not just looking for small talk, they’re not playing around or just having fun — they’re really interested in you! They’re so interested that they even defy their own super-reserved tendencies. Plus, since introverts might be as not experienced starting conversations as extroverts, it might be a little awkward. But this is just further proof that they were willing to go the distance because they like you.

7. They’ll talk —

really talk — to you (much more than small talk).

As we all know, 99.9 percent of introverts don’t like small talk — we’d rather have deeper conversations about subjects that are meaningful to us. For example, they’d rather stay silent than chat with a stranger on the bus about the weather. But when an introvert is interested in you, they will set aside their distaste for small talk. They’ll ask you about everyday things and will then show interest in these subjects and ask even more questions. Why is that? Because they want to know more about you.

So pay attention to how they talk to you — it just may be the clue you’re looking for.

8. They’ll initiate communication, and more often — texts, phone calls, you name it.

This clue is related to #4, that an introvert will reach out to you if they’re into you. We all know introverts are not a fan of phone calls — but this may not be the case if they like you (at least in the courting stages).

While it’s true that introverts usually prefer texting, they will actually break out of their comfort zone and call you. Although they may not be the chattiest person at first, once you get on a topic you both connect with, watch out!

9. They’ll share how they’re feeling about you — out loud.

Okay, so by this point, you know introverts would rather write out how they’re feeling than actually say it out loud. Texting, emailing, and letter writing are all easier forms of communication. But… once they’re comfortable with you, they’ll be more likely to share their feelings with you. Until this point, you may have no idea (or not be 100 percent sure).

Remember, this is a very vulnerable thing for an introvert to do (even with friends). So, rest assured, if they’re talking to you like this, they like you.

Are you an introvert who shuts down around the people you’re attracted to?

As an introvert, you actually have the amazing ability to be irresistible, without forcing yourself to talk more. It all starts with recognizing the most common myths about dating and learning a framework for fun, flirty conversations — no extroversion needed. To learn how to connect with your true sensuality, relax, and open up on dates, we recommend Michaela Chung’s online courses for introverted men and introverted women.

10 signs that an introvert likes you

When an extrovert is courting you, no signs are needed: he himself will say the immortal “You are attractive, I am damn attractive. Why waste time?" (with). But the sympathy of an introvert must be guessed. What for? Because introverts tend to make great partners: loyal, gentle, and caring. So here are 10 sure signs that an introvert likes you.

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He gets nervous and excited in your presence

An introvert understands that in order to start a relationship, he will somehow have to take the first step himself. He understands, but he cannot do it. Therefore, your presence clearly makes him nervous: he can completely withdraw into himself, or he can demonstrate behavior that is usually unusual for him: talking loudly (not with you), acting animatedly, blushing, turning pale and giggling inappropriately. nine0003

He is silent but signals with body language

Body language is language that cannot be lied to. Look at his face: if his eyes are wide open when he looks at you, know that he sees what he is interested in and likes. Does he lick his lips often? A sure sign that he's worried. Unconsciously leans towards you, stretches out his arms, preens (straightens hair and clothes)? This is it.

There are no other women in the field of communication of an introvert

Introverts dream of finding a partner for life. They are not interested in short novels. In addition, introverts generally do not waste time with people who do not interest them. And at the moment when the attention of an introvert is focused on the woman he likes, all the others simply disappear.

An introvert invites you into a personal space

First, into the space of dialogue. In fact, this is already a serious step for him. It is easiest for an introvert to escape to his "inner Mongolia" and spend time alone with himself. If he spends it on you, he is interested in you. If at the same time he is ready to let you into his physical boundaries, there is no doubt at all that he likes you. The day when an introvert invites you to visit can be considered the beginning of a relationship (although you hardly even kiss). nine0003

He talks about the secret

If an introvert tells you about his thoughts and feelings, you can safely assume that the fortress has fallen and enter the gate as a winner. Introverts are frank only with close friends. And you are hardly his close friend, because they have been testing friendship for years.

He does things for you

Introverts are actually very responsive and empathic people. They feel what others want, but they are never ready to do it without a request: they guard their personal boundaries and treat others with the same care. So if suddenly an introvert does something for you without your asking for help, consider that he has confessed his love to you. nine0003

He keeps in constant contact with you

An introvert considers it quite enough to meet once every six months - with people whom he considers friends. With close friends, an introvert is ready to meet more often - sometimes even once a month (although this is a bit much). If he gets in touch all the time, it means he is in love.

He is sociable in social networks

Not in general, but with you. Network communication is much easier for him, and he will definitely not miss his chance to talk to you in the messenger. And maybe even flirt. Well, as he can. nine0003

He is arguing with you

An almost unthinkable situation! As a rule, introverts keep their opinions to themselves and try to allow people who share them into their inner circle. An argument means that, firstly, he cares about what you think, and secondly, it is important for him that you hear his opinion.

He gives you advice

If he advises you on films, music or books, he is actually trying to reveal his inner world to you. If he advises you on what to do in this or that situation, he is seriously worried about you. nine0003

An introvert loves you: how can you guess? - Relationships

It has become fashionable to call yourself an introvert. "You can't offend introvert” or “Don’t pester an introvert, he feels bad about it” - similar phrases often sound like an excuse or with a touch of irony. But people who every day you have to step over yourself to communicate, really exist! For others, they may look like ungrateful beeches, but in fact everything not quite so ...

The concepts of "introversion" and "extraversion" are introduced into psychology Carl Jung. He designated such basic criteria for these psychotypes: extroverts, the movement and expenditure of libido (vital energy) is directed to the outside world, for introverts - into the world of reflection, the nature of the movement of energy during this cumulative. nine0003

To date, in popular psychology, the interpretation of these concepts have changed somewhat. But the general meaning remains. Extroverts are called the type active, sociable people with a stable nervous system. And introverts are closed, people "obsessed" with their own experiences, while very sensitive, often with a weak nervous system (and accompanying physical illnesses).

Encyclopedias say the following about behavioral traits. Extroverts dress more flamboyantly, their office doors are often open, and there is always a treat for colleagues on the table. Introverts, on the contrary, choose a practical style of clothing, lock themselves up, try to isolate their personal space, unlike extroverts, listen to calmer music, etc. nine0003

But all this does not mean that introverts hate or fear people. They love them, deeply and sincerely, only secretly ... And not all of them. But if you enter this circle, then there will be no more reliable friend or life partner.

Capriciousness. Surely you knew the person before a romantic relationship began. Compare whether his behavior has changed. Quicker everything, before he did not go to the cinema too often, to concerts, to clubs on parties, went on picnics, etc. And he does it to you. He stepped out of his comfort zone for you. Yes, he can start to grumble and say that he doesn't like everything, the movie bad, food is tasteless, people around are bad and drunk ... He is not naughty. He feels that way, but endures for you! nine0003

Do not try to entertain and amuse an introvert if he seems sadder than usual. It's impossible. Most likely, it was you who upset him, but you can hardly guess what exactly. And the fact that you do not understand this additionally offends the introvert. In such a situation, you just need to hug him or leave alone for a while so that he survives and rethinks the situation.

Do not ask what an introvert wants and whether he liked it something. If he does not avoid it, then he liked it, or he just feels good next to you, and no matter where and what to do. There will never be stormy stories about impressions. nine0003

At the same time, an introvert is really comfortable and cheerful in society. But it must be a small circle. If a big noisy company robs him of energy, the environment of loved ones charges. Will he participate in discussions or sit silently - it doesn't matter. If people are well known and dear, he will receive positive emotions, watching them feel good.

Silence. Does an introvert seem to be uninteresting in you? He is everything time is silent and reluctantly answers questions? If he is next to you, then very interesting. And you are entitled to share the precious silence. Or got a devoted listener. Introverts like to be told something especially about the personal, about thoughts and doubts - they regard this as a favor the trust. And the introverts themselves speak in silence. nine0003

Of course they can talk. And how capable of frankness. But they do this infrequently and only when they are sure that the interlocutor will understand them. Appreciate if the introvert talks to you about their thoughts and feelings. And in no case do not question what has been said, do not show distrust. So you force it to close again, and now for a long time. If the introvert said "I love you" is a thousand percent true.

Hidden humor. Introverts have a great sense of humor, they have a sharp mind and no less sharp tongue. But they show it only in immediate surroundings. In public, in a working or official setting, on the contrary, they can be overly serious. If an introvert started joking with you, then you have moved into the category of people close to him. nine0003

But while maintaining this style of communication, remember that introverts do not tolerate vulgarity and rudeness. Especially if taunts of this level will be addressed to them. You may not get an answer right away, but you immediately fly out of the circle of trust, and then experience revenge in the form of a very painful a subtle sarcastic prick, which, moreover, can humiliate you in public.

Part of the inner universe. Introverts agree to serious relationship and report it only after delving deep into themselves. And this will not happen after a couple of months of dating. Before making an internal decision, they need to go through the whole cycle of possible emotions. in a relationship and make sure the person doesn't get on his nerves. To agree to a long-term relationship for an introvert is to make a person a part of their inner universe. Not a partner, not a patron or someone else, but someone who will become part of the introvert himself. nine0115

If an introvert is convinced that this is possible and says “I swear to love in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health, in wealth and poverty…”, this is for a long time and practically cannot change. He will not make a fuss and pack a suitcase after a quarrel. Always before how to say something, think about the consequences and what painful feelings can deliver. But...

They leave forever. Introverts can let in temporary partners, but not out of loneliness, but under pressure - circumstances, relatives or stereotypes. However, if they still don’t feel that this person is “one of them”, then they use the first opportunity to escape. nine0003

The behavior of an introvert immediately signals this nature of the relationship. He expresses claims to a partner, criticizes, shows irritation, tries to spend time without him, sometimes lies (although by nature introverts are honest). And in this case, nothing will depend on you.

See also: How body language betrays a liar >>

But you yourself can destroy a serious relationship with an introvert. And you don't even know how to do it. An introvert won't talk about grievances, often will not even show an appearance, but will begin to accumulate them and build a wall. AT at some point, this protective wall will grow so much that he will no longer feel pain, and love at the same time - your words and deeds will become like rain or wind, not penetrating the house.

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