How to pull away from a guy you love

How to Pull Back in a Relationship: 15 Sensitive Ways

Romance can be complicated, and you may not always get what you want from your relationship. As a result, you may need to learn how to pull back in a relationship and, most importantly, how to remove someone from your life without hurting them.

However, pulling back from a relationship isn’t always easy, just as the famous story of Romeo and Juliet portrays. Even if you decide to end things, it’s difficult to look someone in the eyes and tell them you’re no longer in love.

That is most likely why ghosting has grown so common. Because so much of our communication takes place through screens, it’s possible to end a relationship without exchanging a text. Now, you no longer have to think of delivering awkward apologies. Easy peasy, right?

Surprisingly, you may not be the only one who may have thought of how to step back from a relationship without hurting the other. A survey on this subject recently revealed that up to 32 percent of American adults had been ghosted at some point in their love life.

However, taking a french leave from a relationship can easily be interpreted as cowardly. If you’re in a relationship, you once loved this person enough to spend time with them. Hence, a face-to-face conversation is one of the basic courtesies you should consider extending to them.

We understand that you’re a nice person and that sometimes, life just happens. Hence, here’s how to break up with someone without hurting them.

15 ways to pull back in a relationship without hurting them

After spotting the signs you need to step back in a relationship, your next assignment is to figure out the most diplomatic way to go about it, so you don’t scar your partner for life.

This is how to pull back in a relationship.

1. Stay busy

As you figure out how to back out from someone you like, finding something else to do with your time is the first logical step you should take.

If you always worry too much about where you are, where you are going, or what is going on, find something to divert your attention away from the relationship.

The best medicine for pulling out of that relationship is to get busy. Get lost in a book, go to the gym, make new friends, and pick up new hobbies. If you are open to the idea, consider meeting a relationship therapist.

Surround yourself with other productive relationships and people, so your soon-to-be ex no longer seems like the center of your entire world.

2. Focus on yourself

Now that you’re opening up your life to new people and experiences, find a goal to focus on as well. Let this be a goal that challenges and inspires you to keep pushing at it every day. Personal ambitions give you another avenue to let out your energies.

These could be career, financial, business, or personal development goals. Consider seizing this opportunity to increase your income, climb the corporate ladder, or further your education. Research has proven that staying focused on your goals improves your mental health.

Keep your eyes on the prize and allow your relationship troubles to work themselves out rather than attempting to control what’s beyond your reach.

3. Work on your weakness

As you figure out how to pull back in a relationship, take the time to work on your excesses. If you know you struggle with self-control, this is the perfect time to work on your communication skills, so you don’t come off as ‘desperate’ when you finally talk to them.

There can be moments when learning how to pull back in a relationship will be easier, such as when you are not upset. However, it will be harder when you are lonely, so putting physical distance between you is a strategy that may never get old.

4. Unfollow them on social media

Yes, that seems strange, but it truly works. For the time being, refrain from stalking your lover on social media. Take a break from Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook. Give them some space online if you want to pull out of your relationship.

Being in a relationship can change the way you interact with life. If you’re not careful, you may soon get lost in your partner’s life, even on social media. Hence, you may resort to following them up online when you take a physical break from the relationship.

Here’s the thing. Communication and interaction (under these circumstances) are potent, whether physical or virtual. Constantly following updates about their life on social media will leave you nostalgic.

Do you want to spend your whole life pining after them?

Related Reading: 10 Tips to Reduce Effects of Social Media on Marriage

5. Set up boundaries

If you’re constantly hunting for answers, chasing your partner down, or going the extra mile, it’s time to step back. Setting boundaries for yourself is essential as you step away from a relationship.

How many times per week are you allowed to call them? Will you still be dropping by their house every day after work? Will you reduce the hours you spend texting them per week?

If you truly want to distance yourself from a relationship, you must be ready to do the difficult work involved in setting and enforcing boundaries. Let them pursue you for a brief moment while you concentrate on remaining strong.

Suggested video: Creating boundaries in relationships.

6. Talk to a friend that supports you

Pulling back from a relationship isn’t fun. Hence, you may need help to do it. Talk to some of your closest friends and let them in on your plans. You’ll need their emotional support on bad days and encouragement when you do well.

The greatest way to fall back from a guy is to remember the days he wasn’t in your life. You were living your best life then, right?

7. Assess whether you would be better off without them

As you try to take a step back without breaking up, one of the first things you must do is evaluate your intentions. One of the reasons why we fail at many things is that we take action without defining our intentions.

If possible, see this as the time you need to figure out if they are the one for you or now. You risk getting swept up if you don’t step back and assess the situation right away.

If it makes you feel better, convince yourself that this action is a temporary respite. If you decide you are better off with them, you’ll take the necessary steps to get back together again.

Related Reading: How to Ignore Someone You Love

8. Stop letting them control your emotions

If you find it difficult to distance yourself even if you know you should, It may be because your partner manipulates you with their actions.

They may try to use emotional blackmail or other abusive tactics to keep you close even though it kills you. If you feel something is off and you need to step back, do it to get some perspective.

Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

9. Consult a relationship therapist

Have that one person who can talk some reason into you before you make the mistake of erasing all your progress if you are aware that you occasionally experience periods of weakness where you will run back, even when trying to pull back.

Having a relationship therapist on speed dial is one way to keep yourself on track until you have accomplished your task of pulling back.

10. Discover and do what you love

One of the most effective ways to pull back in a relationship is to discover and do what you love. Find your favorite activities and use them as distractions if you want to back off in a relationship.

When you are too caught up in a relationship, it can be tempting to make it the center point of your existence. This can soon become a problem as pulling out becomes almost impossible, even when it is the best decision for you.

For once, do what you love without thinking about your significant other. When you stop attempting to hold someone else accountable for your pleasure, you’ll be surprised at how happy you can make yourself.

Related Reading: 30 Romantic Ways To Express Your Love Through Words and Actions

11. Remember to say it nicely

Now that you have set the pace with your actions, it is time to communicate your intentions with them; face to face. This is the time to have those odd conversations you’ve dreaded for the longest time.

However, how you say it is more important than what you say. Now that you’re ready to let the cat out of the bag, please implore all the nice ways you can to get your message across.

One of the easiest ways to begin is to talk to your partner about the effect of their actions on you. Use examples to remind them of all the times their actions pained you.

The adage “treat others like you would like to be treated” has never been more true. Breakups bring up a lot of emotions but if you’re the one initiating the breakup, you should prepare your speech ahead of time.

12. Be direct

It is easy to put your partner’s feelings ahead of yours while initiating a breakup. The downside is that you can easily get overcome by their emotions (especially if they start crying).

However, never lose sight of the goal you had in mind from the start (which was to pull back from a relationship). Hence, ensure you clearly state what you want as you speak to them.

While ensuring that you communicate effectively, use words and phrases that demonstrate your comprehension of the other person’s feelings. Remember that the person is a real human with feelings, not just a machine.

13. Try a crap test

You can put someone through a crap test to see how much they will sacrifice for you. In a crap test, you consciously subject someone to challenging situations to check how they’ll respond.

The only way to make someone fully consider how much you mean to them and what you need in a relationship—and thus how much you care about them—is by pulling back.

Pull back suddenly and let them be the ones to chase you for a change.

14. Think logically. Leave your emotions aside

Taking the emotion aside as you pull back in a relationship can be one of the most challenging things you’d do. But if you want to end a relationship, keep your emotions aside and critically assess the situation.

You may make far better choices if you stop desperately reaching out to a partner who isn’t giving you adequate attention. Ask yourself how you would react to someone else treating you the way they do before you take any action.

Would you act the same way if there weren’t so much passion and history bundled up? Let your heart temporarily take a backseat as you mentally analyze your actions.

15. Move out

Another effective way to pull back from a relationship is to move out of a physical space you used to share with a partner who you want to take a break from.

Being in the same physical space, seeing them every other day, and interacting with them can cause you to yearn for their attention and come off as desperate. To reduce those chances, consider moving out.

You can rent your apartment, move in with a friend, or travel. In any case, limit your physical contact with them because there are more chances they’ll be out of mind once they’re out of sight.

Related Reading: How to Get a Spouse to Move Out During Divorce?

Some commonly asked questions

Pulling back in a relationship can cause worry as you might be afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings. Answering certain questions can help you determine how to approach this problem.

Of course, yes! You can pull out from your relationship anytime and any day if the relationship becomes parasitic.

However this can look like a daunting task, but you can always make critical choices based on the facts before you. Do well to follow the above-listed 15 ways we have covered in this article.

If you want to understand how to step back in a relationship, start by recognizing who you are and what you’re worth. While it may seem tough and strange to distance yourself, there are occasions when it becomes necessary for your mental health.

We have covered a list of powerful things you can do today if you’re serious about pulling back in a relationship. Take a look at that list and decide the ones to begin with.

Start by complimenting them on the things they’ve done right. It is easy to get caught up in the things they’re missing out on and forget they’re doing well in some other areas.

Afterward, gently point out the things they may not be doing right. Communicate with empathy and do not make them feel like you are just out to point fingers. Suggest steps to improve and encourage them to talk to you.

Final takeaway

It’s unhealthy to lose oneself in a relationship. Knowing how to pull back in a relationship without losing yourself in the process is a powerful skill you should develop before meeting your next partner.

If you constantly feel like you’re giving too much, forcing them to have time for you, or the relationship is no longer giving you the emotional satisfaction you desire, take that as your cue to step back.

Love doesn’t have to be forced. Your partner should put in the same energy you put in if the relationship is going to work. It shouldn’t be a one-sided thing.

How to pull away to make him want you: 20 essential steps

You’ve been trying to get your man to want you.

No, more like you want him to “want to” love you.

But, it’s proving more difficult than you thought.

What do you do? You pull away.

If you’re scratching your head wondering how this article contains the 20 essential steps every woman needs to know to get a man to want you by pulling away.

Here’s how.

1) Don’t be afraid to pull away

It sounds pretty elementary but being brave is the first step!

I know it’s difficult and it could very well backfire spectacularly, but, it’s worth giving it a try.

The reason you’re doing this is that he’s not giving you what you want and you’ve tried everything else so don’t be afraid to try something new.

If it does backfire, take comfort in the fact that it probably wasn’t meant to be.

However, if it works.

You will have him eating out of the palm of your hand.

2) Ghost him

Cold turkey! No contact, disappear like you’ve fallen off the face of the earth.

Why?

Well, sometimes no response is the best response.

When you ghost him you will leave him scratching his head wondering why.

When he knows that you’re out of his life, he’ll be too preoccupied with trying to get you back to notice anything else.

3) Get advice specific to your situation

While the steps in this article will help you to pull away and make him want you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like when a guy has commitment issues. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.

Why do I recommend them?

Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.

I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.

Click here to get started.

4) Make him feel rejected

If a man feels rejected by his woman and she pulls away, he will feel rejected by her and may leave her.

He will feel rejected by her but he won’t be able to understand why she would pull away from him, so he’ll want to know what it is that she is rejecting.

5) Let him question your feelings for him

If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, he will be afraid to approach her—and he may even leave her.

If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, you can increase the odds of pulling away and making him want you by playing into this fear that she doesn’t love him.

For example, you can tell the man that you don’t love him.

6) Exploit his vulnerabilities

If a man feels as if his woman is pulling away from him, he will feel vulnerable. A man feels vulnerable when he feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, so he will want to know why.

And he will want to know why again and again until you tell him. If a man feels as if his woman doesn’t love him, you can increase the odds of pulling away and making him want you by playing into this vulnerability that she doesn’t love him.

For example, you can tell the man that you don’t love him.

7) Live your best life!

After you’ve pulled away from him you now comes the fun part.

Go out there and have a ball.

He needs to see that you’re living your best life and that he’s an optional extra`

need to go on social media and show him that you’re living your best life!

All those lunches, hikes, events, and parties that you’re attending, make sure that you make a big deal of them and plaster images of it all over your Instagram story.

You’re going to drive him crazy because he’s going to realize that you’re in demand and that your social life is busy and way more important than him (even if it’s not!)

8) Look your best

Once you’ve told him that you’re having doubts about him, be sure to make yourself look like a goddess.

You could take a few days to change your hair and apply some makeup. Or you could go for a full makeover and get some lip injections or fillers.

Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you look amazing and that he feels insecure about how he looks around you.

Not only will he lust after you, but you’ll also have him beating himself up for not treating such a hotty properly in the first place.

9) Harness your personal power

Pulling away from a man can make you feel powerful!

And who doesn’t like feeling like they’re pulling the strings!

So what can you do to release your inner power and get him to want you like never before?

Begin with yourself. Stop searching for external fixes to sort out your life, deep down, you know this isn’t working.

And that’s because until you look within and unleash your personal power, you’ll never find the satisfaction and fulfillment you’re searching for.

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. His life mission is to help people restore balance to their lives and unlock their creativity and potential. He has an incredible approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist.

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains effective methods to achieve what you want in life and this includes getting your man to want you!

So if you want to build a better relationship with yourself, unlock your endless potential, and put passion at the heart of everything you do, start now by checking out his genuine advice.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

10) Disappear for a few days

Once you’ve pulled away from him, you need to make sure that he feels as if he’s losing you.

The best way to do this is by going on vacation for a few days with your friends or family.

It doesn’t have to be extravagant or outrageous, it just needs to be, well somewhere.

Take the time to look after yourself and clear your mind. The fresh air will do you the world of good.

11) Don’t answer his text and calls immediately

When you’re in the pulling away process, this step is important.

You don’t want him to know the world revolves around him so when he texts you, do not respond immediately.

Wait a few hours and respond then, but be sure to come off as if you don’t care.

This is going to leave him wondering what you’re up to and the “not knowing” is going to drive him bonkers.

If you don’t respond to his texts and calls, he’ll try to call you and text you more.

Don’t answer!

12) Tell him that you’re completely done with him

Yes, even if it’s not the truth.

Trust me.

Once you’ve pulled away from him, tell him that you’re completely done with him.

When he tries to come back into your life, tell him exactly why and how infuriating he is.

This is a very clear way of pulling away and it’s a pretty dangerous one if you don’t do it properly,

However, it works!

Why?

Remember, men want what they can’t have, and knowing you feel this way will drive him crazy.

He will do everything in his power to try to get into your good graces again.

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13) Make him feel insecure

Once you’ve pulled away from him and told him that you’re done with him, you need to make sure that he feels insecure.

But isn’t that mean?

Ok, it’s a little savage but there’s a method to the madness

When he feels insecure, he’ll want to know why. And he’ll want to know why again and again until you tell him.

How do I make him feel insecure?

Not responding immediately to his texts and calls.
Make sure that he has no idea what you’re up to without letting him know where you are.
Not telling him where you are at all times. If he asks, just say that you don’t want to talk about it or tell him where you are.

14) Make him feel like he has no power over you

Now that you’ve pued away from him, make sure that he feels like he has no power over you.

He needs to realize now that you don’t care about him and what the two of you had is gone forever.

Yes, you’re going to have to channel your inner Nicole Kidman.

When he’s thinking this way, he’ll start to believe that you are the best thing to ever happen to him and he’ll move heaven and earth to try to make you happy.

So when he knows he can no longer sweet-talk and control you, the ball is in your court.

Make it count!

15) Give him the silent treatment

If you live together, this one works like a bomb.

Give him the silent treatment for about a week.

Just like a mom would give her child time out, you’re doing the same thing but with your adult partner.

It’s important that he believes that he does things to upset you and make sure that he gives it a lot of thought before doing anything else.

Give him a lot of time and space for reflection and contemplation before warming up and speaking with him again.

This will help him come up with his own solutions or plans in order to improve things for both of you.

When he’s thinking about his next move, he’ll realize that you’re not a pushover or a doormat and he will need to reevaluate his relationship with you.

16) Make him feel guilty and responsible for your unhappiness

This is the hardest thing to do, but it will work best if you make him feel guilty and responsible for your unhappiness.

It’s important that he knows that there is something wrong with him or the two of you won’t be able to move on together.

It’s also important that you tell him exactly what it is. Don’t leave any loose ends for him to follow up on or else he’ll never know what it is that really bothers you about the situation.

Don’t be vague or give him any hints as to what’s wrong.

You want him to think that he did something wrong and you can’t forgive him for it. You also want him to feel like he can’t fix it.

17) Let him miss you

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. FACT!

Give him some time to miss and think about you.

Spend time with your loved ones and allow yourself some downtime.

When you are away from him, think about the things that make you happy, satisfy yourself without compromising on who or what you are as a person.

Also

Leave him wondering when you’ll be back.

Don’t tell him when you’re coming back. In fact, even if you need to drive around the block after work or go out for dinner with a friend, make him worry about you.

He needs time to miss you and think about the things he did wrong or the things he can do to make things better for the two of you in the future.

18) Do something nice for him

Kindness can be a killer!

When you’re pulling away from your man and suddenly do something incredibly nice for him, it’s going to leave him confused and feeling guilty.

This will make his brain think about how much he wants you back and will inspire him to do whatever it takes in order to try and win you back.

It’s important that you do this with no strings attached.

As difficult as it may seem!

If he tries to get something out of it, then you need to stop him and tell him that you’re not interested in anything except being friends.

This will leave him confused and incredibly intrigued!

19) Tell him that he needs to improve himself or else he’ll never get you back

This is a great way for him to realize that he needs to improve his behavior and attitude before you’ll ever consider getting back together because if he doesn’t, then there’s no way that you can ever be happy again with him.

Don’t be afraid to tell him that he’s a bad person and that you don’t like him anymore.

This will help him realize that he needs to improve his behavior and attitude before you’ll ever consider getting back together.

He needs to realize that you’re not the kind of girl who will just forgive and forget easily.

20) Make him jealous

Make him jealous.

Once again, use social media and do so by changing your profile pictures or posting pictures of you with other guys.

Nothing riles up a man more than the good old green-eyed monster. Even if it’s not the case, make it seem like there are loads of other guys that are interested in you.

This will make him realize that you can pick and choose and that he’s merely an option at this moment.

It will also make him sit back and take stock on what he needs to improve before you’ll ever consider getting back together.

Conclusion

This list is by no means all-inclusive.

There are many things that you can do to get him to chase you but if follow this list, then you will be well on your way to getting him exactly where you want him.

He’ll soon realize that he needs to change his stinking attitude or else!

Get out of love addiction | PSYCHOLOGIES

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Know Yourself Man and Woman

Svetlana came to a consultation to get rid of her addiction. She is 40 years old, she does not drink, does not take drugs, but she feels like a real addict. “I can’t imagine a day without Vadim. As soon as he leaves for the weekend to meet with the children from his first marriage, and I’m already crying, I feel like I’m not needed by anyone ... And I constantly call him. I wouldn't wish that kind of passion on anyone."

Even if the absence of a loved one is difficult to bear, then the thought that he can stop loving is unbearable for a dependent person, and the departure of a partner becomes a catastrophe. Love becomes a force that cannot be controlled. “I want him to love me to death,” says 34-year-old Olga, “otherwise he’d rather die.”

Suffocating hugs

Love addiction, like other addictions, makes a person strive for the object of passion, while forgetting about himself. A person obsessed with love is often unable to take care of himself: he eats poorly, sleeps poorly, does not pay attention to his health.

Neglecting himself, he spends all his life energy on his partner... thereby causing him to suffer. All attention, all thoughts and feelings are focused on him and only on him, everything else seems meaningless and boring.

“Dependent people cannot define the boundaries of their personality, they seize a loved one, leaving him no free space,” says Valentina Moskalenko. “When love turns into complete control over a partner, it interferes with the development of a full sexual and love union.”

Often there is dependence on a partner who treats the lover badly. Contrary to popular belief, everyone is at risk of becoming a victim of such passion: men and women, young and mature, rich and poor.

Another case is when violent emotions generally become the meaning of existence. Such a person literally “falls” into love. This leap is often driven by the need to dampen the sense of the meaninglessness of life.

“We are looking for in romantic love not only earthly love and human relationships. We are looking for religious experiences and a passionate desire to comprehend our inner world in it, ”says the American Jungian psychoanalyst Robert Johnson.

In his opinion, passionate love, like true faith, can temporarily free us from contradictions and doubts and, like a beacon, illuminate our life, giving it integrity and certainty, giving us the opportunity to rise above the level of everyday life.

“Everything that belongs to everyday life becomes unbearable,” says Valentina Moskalenko. “Man lives only for this jump.” These two situations have a common denominator - the suffering generated by addiction.

Thirst for sacrifice

People get addicted not only from tender, loving relationships. The opposite and no less frequent case is dependence on a cruel, rude partner.

Before work, Marina covers her bruises with foundation and thinks: “Of course, with my figure… But in fact, he is good…”. Anatoly habitually slouches when his wife calls out, sighing to himself: “Of course, with my salary…”

Living in unbearable relationships, enduring humiliation and even coldness and severity of parents.

“If a person is driven by a desire to fill that long-standing spiritual void, then no amount of treatment, even cruelty, can sober him up,” says Valentina Moskalenko. - His feelings (as if through the mouths of his parents) tell him: "You deserve it, you yourself are to blame."

“Those who become dependent on a “sacrificial” position unwittingly choose aggressive partners for themselves, simultaneously provoking them to humiliating, cruel behavior, adds transactional analyst Vadim Petrovsky. “In order to get rid of such dependence, first of all, it is necessary to realize one’s desire for suffering, inherent in childhood, in order to stop communicating with a partner from the position of a victim.”

Steps to liberation

The psychotherapy of too much love applies the principle of the medieval physician and alchemist Paracelsus: everything is poison, everything is medicine, both are determined by the dose. In other words, moderate use is good, but abuse is disastrous.

“As paradoxical as it may sound, you shouldn't love too much,” says Valentina Moskalenko. - Pay attention to love songs: many lyrics exalt the model of dependent relationships. For example, the classic "White light has converged on you like a wedge." To understand that such a perception of love and such an attitude towards a loved one is destructive for both, to recognize one’s own dependence on a partner is a difficult but necessary first step towards healing.

The next step is to awaken the senses and build relationships with oneself. “During therapy, I felt like a refrigerator that had finally been defrosted,” says 36-year-old Anastasia. “Suddenly she raised her head and saw: there were people around!”

“Psychotherapy helps a person realize who he is, where he is going in life and who he needs as a companion,” explains Valentina Moskalenko. “After all, an addicted person often lives as if under anesthesia, all his feelings are suppressed, because they are too painful. ”

A love addict strives for ideal relationships that he lacked in childhood

Dealing with long-standing experiences and paying attention to the current situation is the task of the third step. Repressed feelings are often found to be related to childhood experiences: the love addict seeks some kind of ideal relationship that he lacked in childhood.

The child might have been afraid that he was abandoned when his parents went to the store, because he was not told that they had gone away for a short time and would definitely return. If parents considered themselves victims of circumstances, they themselves were dependent on love, alcohol, whatever, then they could not teach children to be responsible for their lives.

In other cases, parents simply did not give us enough love and affection, and now we spend all our energy on making up for this lack of love.

“But don't think that in this case you will suffer all your life,” says Valentina Moskalenko. “An adult is able to cope with his love addiction: to think about why relationships make him suffer, stop blaming himself and understand that he is worthy of love - the way he is.”

Smooth approach

The opposite of addiction is not absolute freedom or isolation. During psychotherapy, people learn to build relationships that develop gradually - starting with falling in love, through gradual rapprochement and the development of trust.

It is important that each partner moves towards the other at his own speed, in contrast to the situation of love addiction, when a person instantly closes the distance and "sticks" to the beloved.

“The psychological benefit of an addict is that he completely entrusts another to take care of himself: “I had a bad life, and now you will love me,” comments Valentina Moskalenko. “But no one from outside can make us happy. We can only find the keys to true happiness within ourselves.”

About the expert

Valentina Moskalenko — addiction specialist, author of the books “When there is too much love” and “Addiction: a family disease?”, leader of psychotherapeutic groups and seminars at the Institute of Psychotherapy and Clinical Psychology.

Text: Yuliana Puchkova Photo source: Getty Images

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what is dangerous and how to get rid of || Family practice

It is impossible to go through life absolutely without addictions. This is not always bad, and does not necessarily lead to fatal consequences. For example, an all-consuming craving for creativity often brings positive results. This is how literary masterpieces, world artistic values, immortal musical creations are born.

But there is a type of addiction that is not creative, but destructive: from food, alcohol, smoking, drugs, casinos. Among psychological catastrophes are dependencies on partners born in the depths of child-parent relationships.

Definition of the concept

Emotional dependence is not a mental disorder or disease. This is a style of behavior that was imposed on a person at some point in life, left an indelible mark and developed into unhealthy interpersonal relationships in the future.

People suffering from emotional addiction are unable and unwilling to live their own lives, they deny their desires and needs. They try to fill the spiritual emptiness by dedicating themselves to another person, with whom they check every step they take.

Children's stories

“Alina grew up in a family where everyone was on their own. Mom and dad worked hard, even on weekends they sat at the table opposite each other in silence, emotionally squeezed out of the week. Alina and her older brother got crumbs of attention. The domineering and selfish grandmother, whose interests were limited to a tonometer for measuring pressure, did not even try to compensate for the lack of expression of parental love for children. The brother found an outlet in the virtual world of global networks. Alina tried to attract the attention of her parents: she ran away from home, skipped classes so that her mother would take time off from work and fly to school, and then sit and talk with her daughter. She also drew a lot, and secretly waited for approval of her creations...”

There are thousands of similar life stories. Violation of personality development in the early period makes a person in the adult world look for relationships that would make up for the lack of affection and attention. "Unloved" is in constant search of a partner who would give him what he did not receive in childhood and adolescence.

Consulting

Psychotherapist

Psychologist

Family psychologist

Signs of emotional dependence

Despite the fact that emotionally dependent people have a great desire for stable relationships, it is difficult for them to create a normal family. Due to low self-esteem and emotional "overload" they fail to keep a partner. It is difficult for them to create equal close relationships, they are terribly afraid of being rejected.

Signs of emotionally dependent people:

they do not understand and do not respect themselves;
are highly dependent on other people's opinions;
tend to sacrifice themselves;
can't refuse a request even if it's "mission impossible";
they have no personal desires, interests, aspirations;
constantly expect to be appreciated and loved;
completely dissolve in the partner;
constant need to be close to loved ones;

Such people experience the breakup of relationships much brighter and more painfully than others. It turns out a paradoxical situation: mom is not around, you don’t need to wait for her approval and attention, but this habit has remained. In a situation with an authoritarian mother controlling an adult child, both need psychological help.

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What is the danger of the situation?

Ironically, life brings together emotionally dependent people with people who are not interested in their inner experiences. This happens because they do not know how to distinguish between real love and imaginary. Their dependence is mistakenly considered a manifestation of strong love for a partner. The danger is that there is no equality in such relations. A strong personality will humiliate and suppress a weak one. The addict will receive pain and suffering instead of support.

The addict's internal monologue looks something like this: “I do everything for him (her), do everything he (she) says, try my best to please, but in response I get only irritation and anger. Why?"

The fact is that spiritually immature and insecure addicts are usually not loved, but used. And when they see their complaisantly obsessive attitude, they begin to get angry, look for a flaw, a reason for conflict, in order to get rid of guilt. As a result, relationships become more painful and filled with disappointments every day.

But love is happiness, the celebration of the soul, the joy of life. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, trust, acceptance of each other with all the advantages and disadvantages. No one puts pressure on anyone and does not control every step, respecting the personality of a loved one.

What to do?

Each person has the right not only to give love, but also to receive it with gratitude, without guilt or shame, and to demand mutual respect and care. As soon as an emotionally dependent person understands his condition, it is necessary to take measures to get rid of the way of thinking that interferes with a full life:

accept yourself as you are;
feel inner freedom from other people's opinions;
develop self-confidence;
learn to defend your position;
form their own opinion on the situation;
start making your own decisions;
take responsibility for your life.

Do not be afraid to lose people who bring suffering and pain. There is no shame in saying a firm “no” to a partner who does not appreciate and does not understand efforts. Dealing with emotional addiction is difficult, but real. In Nizhny Novgorod, there is a medical center "Family Practice", whose employees have successful experience in helping people suffering from emotional dependence.

At first, it is extremely important for such people to have the support of a psychologist, because it is difficult for them to cope with emotions on their own.

A qualified psychologist at the Family Practice Medical Center in Nizhny Novgorod will help you quickly and effectively solve problems associated with emotional dependence. Do not be shy to fight for happiness and well-being. Turning to a psychologist will be the first significant step towards a happy and fulfilling life.

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