How to ignore idiots
The Idiot's Guide to Dealing With Idiots
Idiots.
The world is full of them. How hard it is for us, non-idiots, to put up with them. But to get our jobs done, our kids fed, and our pets groomed, we must deal with them.
Idiots come in many shapes, forms, and types, but the ones that frustrate me the most are those who don’t believe in any form of mental illness. These creatures maintain that all mood disorders are cute, creative stories crafted by persons who enjoy obsessing, ruminating, and crying their eyes out… a wealthy bunch who can’t think of anything better to do than come up with a make-believe tale about a few neurons wandering around the limbic system afraid to ask for directions, just like Moses.
We must tune out the idiots to achieve any kind of sanity or serenity. But how? Here are four ways that have worked for me.
1. Expect nothing.
If you expect your cousin to understand your bipolar disorder, then you are going to be disappointed when your cousin doesn’t understand your bipolar disorder. But if you sit down to lunch with her fully expecting her to space out on 90 percent of the conversation, you won’t walk away from the table bummed out that she didn’t inquire about your manic cycle. Or know that it doesn’t have anything to do with a washing machine. I think Sylvia Plath was referring to idiots when she said, “If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” That goes for parents, in-laws, siblings, pets, spouses, children, and ministers.
2. Don’t offer information.
I don’t do this one well. I tend to spill my guts to whoever is seated next to me — which is why I have made so many friends on flights between Maryland and Ohio. The conversation doesn’t always go well, though, especially if I’m talking to an adamant anti-medication person who believes all psychiatrists are agents of the devil, involved in a racket with Big Pharma, reaching into the pockets of innocent people everywhere, and spilling poison into the bloodstreams of children.
Obviously, that dude is not going to approve of my I-would-be-a-gonner-without-meds tale. He could very well give me the old furrowed brow to express utter disapproval.
At this point, most folks would change gears and go back to talking about the weather or the turbulence ahead. On a bad day, however, I keep going full stream ahead and absorb this guy’s opinion, tossing it around in my head. Before the flight is over, I am back to feeling like a pathetic loser who is addicted to antidepressants and at the mercy of an evil empire.
When this happens in a dialogue with a close idiot in my life, I take the disapproval very personally and I start to dislike myself. No one, however, can disapprove of you, or furrow the brow, if he has no information to analyze or shred. So if you stop giving the idiot material to bash, he will have to find something else to grate—hopefully, a person, place, or thing that has nothing to do with you or your life.
3. Try some visualization.
This technique helps me with the idiots I have to see on a regular basis. Visualization essentially gives you some much-needed boundaries to protect yourself from the cannon that could be fired at the next family function. You have to experiment to find the right kind of visualization for you. For example, you could visualize yourself in a bubble, where absolutely nothing can hurt you. It resembles a mother’s womb — a place many of us would like to revisit. Or you can envision the idiot in a bubble. Whatever she tries to launch at you isn’t able to penetrate the protective force.
My recent visualization is to imagine that the deemed idiot is made of stone. Why? Because I am continually frustrated that she doesn’t respond with more compassion. Visualizing her as a statue of ivory stone reminds me to keep my expectations in check and that she can’t take away my self-esteem or self-worth just by her cold, stoic way of being.
4. Don’t take it personally.
I really hate it when people say this to me.
However, I read chapter three of Don Miguel Ruiz’s classic, The Four Agreements on my way to see an idiot the other day, and his words helped me build a layer of protection around myself so that I left her house feeling less disappointed and hurt than I usually do. Ruiz explains that we can become immune to hurt and rejection. For real. He writes:
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you… As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.
You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.
There you have it! The Idiot’s Guide to Dealing With Idiots!
How to talk to complete idiots / Three basic options. Choose wisely, lest you go totally insane
There are three basic ways to talk to complete idiots.
The first is to assail them with facts, truths, scientific data, the commonsensical obviousness of it all. You do this in the very reasonable expectation that it will nudge them away from the ledge of their more ridiculous and paranoid misconceptions because, well, they're facts, after all, and who can dispute those?
Why, idiots can, that's who. It is exactly this sort of logical, levelheaded appeal to reason and mental acuity that's doomed to fail, simply because in the idiotosphere, facts are lies and truth is always dubious, whereas hysteria and alarmism resulting in mysterious undercarriage rashes are the only things to be relied upon.
Examples? Endless. You may, for instance, attempt to explain evolution to an extreme fundamentalist Christian. You may offer up carbon dating, the fossil record, glaciers, any one of 10,000 irrefutable proofs. You may even dare to talk about the Bible as the clever, completely manufactured, man-made piece of heavily politicized, massively edited, literary myth-making it so very much is, using all sorts of sound academic evidence and historical record.
You are, of course, insane beyond belief to try this, but sometimes you just can't help it. To the educated mind, it seems inconceivable that millions of people will choose rabid ignorance and childish fantasy over, say, a polar bear. Permafrost. Rocks. Nag Hammadi. But they will, and they do. Faced with this mountain of factual obviousness, the bewildered fundamentalist will merely leap back as if you just jabbed him with a flaming homosexual cattle prod, and then fall into a swoon about how neat it is that angels can fly.
But it's not just the fundamentalists.
This Rule of Idiocy also explains why, when you show certain jumpy, conservative Americans the irrefutable facts about, say, skyrocketing health care costs that are draining their bank accounts, and then show how Obama's rather modest overhaul is meant to save members of all ages and genders and party affiliations a significant amount of money while providing basic insurance for their family, they, too, will scream and kick like a child made to eat a single bite of broccoli.
Remember, facts do not matter. The actual Obama plan itself does not matter. Fear of change, fear of the "Other," fear of the scary black socialist president, fear that yet another important shift is taking place that they cannot understand and which therefore makes them thrash around like a trapped animal? This is all that matters.
This is why, even when you whip out, say, a fresh article by the goodly old Washington Post -- not exactly a bastion of lopsided liberalthink -- one that breaks down the rather brutal truth about the real cost of health care in this country, it will likely be hurled back in your face as an obvious piece of liberal propaganda.
Go ahead, try it. Or better yet, don't.
Option two is to try to speak their language, dumb yourself down, engage on the idiot's level as you try to figure out how their minds work -- or more accurately, don't work -- so you can better empathize and find a shred of common ground and maybe, just maybe, inch the human experiment forward.
This is, as you already sense, a dangerous trap, pure intellectual quicksand. It almost never works, and just makes you feel gross and slimy. Nevertheless, plenty of shrewd political strategists believe that the best way for Obama and the Dems to get their message across regarding everything from health care reform to new environmental regulation, would be to steal a page from the Glenn Beck/Karl Rove/sociopath's playbook, and start getting stupid.
It's all about the bogus catchphrases, the sound bites, the emotional punches-to-the-gut. Death panels! Rationing! Fetus farms! Puppy shredders! Commie medicine! Gay apocalypse! Forced vaccinations! Exposed nipples during prime-time! Let one of these inane, completely wrong but oh-so-haunting verbal ticks bite into the below-average American brainstem, and watch your cause bleed all over the headlines.
The big snag here is that the Dems, unlike the Republican Party, aren't really beholden to a radical, mal-educated base of fundamentalist crazies to keep them afloat. Truly, the political success of the liberal agenda does not depend on the irrational, Bible-crazed "value voter" who's terrified of gays, believes astronomy is a hoax and thinks Jesus spoke perfect English and really liked giving hugs.
In other words, there really is little point in the liberals adopting this strategy, save for the fact that the major media eats it up and it might serve to counterbalance some of the more ridiculous conservative catchphrases. What's more, it could also give the whiny, bickering Dems something slightly cohesive to rally around -- because the truth is, the Democratic Party isn't all that bright, either.
And now we come to option three, easily the finest and most successful approach of all. Alas, it also remains the most difficult to pull off. No one is exactly sure why.
The absolute best way to speak to complete idiots is, of course, not to speak to them at all.
That is, you work around them, ignore them completely, disregard the rants and the spittle and the misspelled protest signs and the fervent prayers for apocalypse on Fox News. Complete refusal to take the fringe nutballs even the slightest bit seriously is the only way to make true progress.
This also happens to be the invaluable advice of one Frank Schaeffer, noted author and a former fundamentalist nutball himself, who made a simply superb appearance on Rachel Maddow's show recently, wherein he offered up one of the most articulate, fantastic takedowns of the fundamentalist idiot's mindset in recent history. It's a must-watch. Do it. Do it now.
Now, you may argue that, while Schaeffer may be dead right and also rather deserving of being quoted far and wide, it's also true that calling people stupid is no way to advance the debate, and is itself rather childish and stupid. And you'd be absolutely right.
But you'd also be missing the point. When you ignore the idiots completely, you are not calling them anything at all.
You are not trying to advance any sort of argument, because there is no debate taking place. You are simply bypassing the giant pothole of ignorance entirely.
- Horoscope for Saturday, 11/26/22 by Christopher Renstrom
- Elon Musk’s Twitter is about to get a whole lot more chaotic
- There's a surprising twist to the story behind the bizarre SF spite monument
- The reason Costco checks receipts at the door isn't about shoplifting
- A hike to Pigeon Point state park, one of the tallest lighthouses in California
- Lamborghini driver busted going 152 mph on California highway, CHP says
- Horoscope for Friday, 11/25/22 by Christopher Renstrom
You are not kowtowing to the least educated of your voting bloc, like the GOP is so desparetely fond of doing.
You are not trying to give the idiotosphere equal weight in the discussion. As Schaeffer says, "You cannot reorganize village life to suit the village idiot." By employing option three, you are doing the only humane thing left to do: you are letting the idiotosphere eat itself alive.
Do it for the children, won't you?
Mark Morford's latest book is 'The Daring Spectacle: Adventures in Deviant Journalism'. Join Mark on Facebook and Twitter, or email him. His website is markmorford.com. For his yoga classes, workshops and retreats, click markmorfordyoga.com.
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- Horoscope for Saturday, 11/26/22 by Christopher Renstrom
- Elon Musk’s Twitter is about to get a whole lot more chaotic
- There's a surprising twist to the story behind the bizarre SF spite monument
- The reason Costco checks receipts at the door isn't about shoplifting
- A hike to Pigeon Point state park, one of the tallest lighthouses in California
- Lamborghini driver busted going 152 mph on California highway, CHP says
- Horoscope for Friday, 11/25/22 by Christopher Renstrom
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Um... Idiots, they... happen. And much more often and in greater quantities than we would like. They were, are and will eat our nerves, time, efforts, etc. Of course, it is clear to everyone that I do not mean a medical disease now. Although there is something clinical in the manifestation of human idiocy. Heh... Let's go. How to recognize an ordinary idiot in life? Idiots are easily distinguishable by some features. Here they are: How do you deal with idiots? Take my word for it... don't fight them. If it is impossible to avoid communicating with them, then treat them as a natural phenomenon. The rain has gone. Sad, of course, wet, but what to do? Wait, survive and forget. It's the same with idiots. True, there are a couple of saving maneuvers, but before talking about them, I will give a classification of idiots that I got during my short but difficult life. There are different kinds of idiots Idiocy can be chronic and periodic. People are idiots sometimes, but they are all the time. Sounds funny, but true. Sometimes even you are an idiot. Idiots are divided into active and passive. Active - "vampires", for them the process is important, not the result. The topic is caught, and then it doesn’t matter. They catch on live bait - on the reaction, that is. As soon as you react to them, you can order such a beautiful tombstone for yourself. But more on that later. And a little about passive idiots. Passive ones are essentially harmless, but you won’t go into reconnaissance with them. Because well, they have their own laws of life. For every question, there are a thousand questions. Sit and explain - and they will ask you the same amount. They just do not aim to exterminate you, they are of the best intentions, but this does not make it easier for you. And do not mention creative thinking in front of them. Like, well, think about it, find a solution - they will insert each of their questions or tasks (depending on the situation) into a beautiful frame and tie a bow. What to do What to do when dealing with idiots: What should not be done under any circumstances! Finally Well, in the end I would like to warn you. Idiots are not born (with rare exceptions) - they become idiots. How? Probably very subtle. Idiocy is a contagious disease and difficult to treat. So, like, wash your hands before eating! I mean, take care of yourself. And then someone will someday take and apply this article to you. Pah-pah, of course! |
INSTRUCTION. 
Isn't that creative? And you can't argue. | John Hoover How to Work for an Idiot? Survival Handbook How to Work for an Idiot Revised & Expanded With More Idiots, More Insanity, and More Incompetency By John Hoover, PhD, with illustrations by Steve Lait © 2011 John Hoover. Original English Language edition published by The Carreer Press, Inc. 12 Parish Drive, Wayne, NJ 07470, U.S.A. All rights reserved © Translation. Sokov V., Platonova T., 2017 © Design. Eksmo Publishing LLC, 2017 * * * Dedication and thanks At this stage of my life, I am grateful for the fact that my boss is not an idiot. The second edition of this book would never have gone to press were it not for the confidence and leadership of my publisher, Ron Fry, who prudently invested in the publicity of the title and the creative marketing of the book. Many thanks to my law eagles Mark Merriman and Andy Tavel of Frankfurt Kurnit Klein and Selz PC in New York. The name of my gratitude is Legion, but, unfortunately, the volume of the book is limited. I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my dear friend Paula Hammond, who was always ready to give helpful advice on the second edition of The Idiot. My sister Ann Bourke is a permanent ally in saving people from their "inner" idiots (starting with my own). I am also grateful for the experience of working with talented colleagues from Partners International, from Fielding Graduate University and City University of New York, from the American Management Association. Introduction This book is made up of bits that were scraped off the walls after my head exploded. For many years I have written books about leadership, creativity, and organizational effectiveness, delving into the delusions of the virtues of innovation, the merger of companies, the need for shared leadership, and shared responsibility in the workplace. My listeners always greeted me and nodded in approval when I taught them the principles of teamwork and open communication. They even politely waited for me to finish and leave the premises - and then began to ignore my advice. "How to work for an idiot" is my revenge. Whatever you think, the idiot I care about is not the one sitting in his own office in the penthouse, but the one who looks at you from the mirror. Having accepted my own powerlessness over stupidity, and the fact that my life had become unmanageable, I joined, figuratively speaking, the "rehabilitation program for stupid creatures" and found "idiotless" calmness: not a world without idiots, but a peaceful life position, thanks to which they don't bother me anymore. While studying the evolutionary processes that led to the Idiot Chief (E-Boss) species, I suddenly realized why the females of some species eat their newborns: they do not allow them to turn into bosses who impose their ignorance on those who have less institutional powers . Reviews of my own early days as a boss led me to believe that it would probably have been better if my mother's postpartum appetite had been more brutal. The publication of books like this always has certain consequences. I am the Executive Instructor who oversees Partners International's New York-based performance coaching practice and even helped launch a certified coaching program at City University, where I teach corporate coaching. My listeners were shocked to hear the word "idiot" in my speech. This word is not used in polite society. Some students - especially those in HR - found it derogatory and even offensive. In turn, I find it helpful for recovering idiot bosses, like myself, to use terms that accurately describe their own behavior so they don't forget their problems; and also in order to find common ground with those who, out loud or silently, describe their employers to friends, colleagues, family members and coaches with the same words. Anger is uncontrollable If you feel like scolding your superiors, it's time to start doing something. So many people are filled with destructive anger, and they blame the authorities for everything. They need someone to pause the courtesy machine and roll up their sleeves and go on the journey with them, laughing with them and crying with them along the way, until they transform into completely new individuals, truly appreciating others, striving to the success of the company. If you don't believe that under all of today's boss jokes - from Scott Adams' perpetually popular Dilbert comics and NBC's The Office to FOX2000Pictures' The Devil Wears Prada and NewLineCinema's Horrible Bosses - there is general anger and indignation, you're just not careful enough. Since the first edition of How to Work for an Idiot in 2003, the wave of resentment against superiors has reached new heights. Whether you are currently a boss or a subordinate is not important; anyway, it's time for you to start taking this satire seriously. I originally wrote this book as a kind of "comic help", but many people have turned to it in search of a way out of sheer despair. After its first edition appeared on Amazon.com, a heated discussion broke out between people with a healthy sense of humor and those who obsessed with fantasies about their superiors. There were those who bought the book, intending to laugh heartily, and admired its humor. Others hoped that it contained secret methods and technologies that had not been published anywhere before, how to “lower” the boss without giving himself away. Some thought that I would share with them some powerful ways to trample the boss in the dirt and be rewarded for it by receiving a salary increase from other corporate "bigwigs" or, say, a trip to Philadelphia at the company's expense (or perhaps a standing ovation and signing autographs cafeteria meetings or trade shows). Readers of this kind were seriously disappointed after reading the book, and in their caustic comments called me a fraud, because my only advice on how to work for an idiot was that you should not be an idiot yourself.    Copyright © · The Wright Initiative · Articles · Site Map 
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Indeed, Emmy Friedman, Founder and CEO of Partners in Human Resources International, a staffing firm where I serve as Director of Direct Performance Coaching, is a caring and compassionate business leader known for her pleasant personality and her strong relationship building skills. My other two bosses at Partners International from 2006 to the present, Paul Gorrell and Trisha Kyle, are talented, resourceful, and true professionals in corporate learning. So I dedicate half of this dedication to all Good Bosses—like Emmy, Trisha, and Paul—who know how to prioritize the key element of success: the ability to make working in their organization pleasant and joyful for an employee from the very first day of work. The other half of the dedication I refer to those who suffer under the yoke of other types of bosses. And keep the faith. 
Laurie Kelly-Pye and Michael Pye of Career Press were also at the forefront of success with the first edition of this book in 2003. The second edition was brilliantly edited by Kirsten Dely, who then gave the book to my mother, Ruth Schultz Hoover, a talented writer and excellent editor of the first edition, to read. Mom gave the book her assessment before releasing it to print. 
And most of all, I thank a loving God who doesn't care how far the East is from the West, and what a sucker I am sometimes, both personally and professionally. I am blessed. 
