How long should you wait to move in together
How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together? 15 Signs You're Ready
You’re in love, ready for the next step, and thinking about when to move in together.
But doubts are creeping in, and you’re probably wondering, “Is it too soon to move in together?”
You don’t want to rush into this level of commitment if the timing isn’t right or you haven’t done your due diligence.
So when is a good time to move in together?
To help you make the best decision, we’re breaking down the ins and outs of cohabitation.
How long should you wait?
What are the red flags?
How will you know when it’s time?
Let’s dive in!
[Black Friday Sale: In this online course, learn healthy communication skills and build the intimacy you’ll cherish for years to come.)
What’s in this post:
How Long Should You Date Before Moving in Together?
If you’ve landed here, you’re probably grappling with a couple of questions: “When should I move in with my boyfriend?” or “How soon is too soon to move in together?”
Conventional wisdom advises couples to wait at least a year before cohabitating, but experts insist two years is the magic number.
Ideals, however, don’t always align with the actual stats.
According to Dr. Brenda Wade, “same-gender couples, on average, move in together within 6 months. For all other couples, it seems to be on average about 2 years.”
Interestingly, Americans like to move in together before getting married. According to one study, 70% of marriages where the woman was under 36 when she got hitched started with at least three years of pre-wedding cohabitation.
How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together? 15 Red Flags The Timing Is Not Right
The experts give general advice, but every couple is different.
Some people move in together within a month and stay together for the rest of their lives.
Others wait a decade to move in together and separate within six months of a cohabitation experiment.
So what about you? Where does your relationship fall on the scale?
Since every relationship moves at its own pace, using benchmarks is a logical way to determine when to move in together.
To that end, let’s start with the cohabitation red flags.
1. You Avoid Discussing Money
If you’re not at a point where you’re comfortable discussing and mingling finances, the relationship is likely not yet strong enough to survive cohabitation. You’ll be sharing bills and need to trust each other monetarily.
2. You’re Navigating Major Life Changes
Life is like a white-water rafting trip. Sometimes, it’s calm, smooth floating; other times, you’re battling raging rapids.
And when you’re navigating a rough patch, it’s usually best not to make significant changes. Wait until you once again reach serene waters to change your living arrangements.
3. You’re in the Early Stages of Recovery
Congrats! You’re clean and sober and feeling great. But you shouldn’t be making huge commitments during your first two years of sobriety — regardless of what plan you’re following. Give yourself time to get to know the new you.
4. You and Your Partner Constantly Argue
If you constantly argue while living apart, moving in together will be a zillion times worse. Sometimes we end up dating people who are ultimately wrong for us, and frequent fighting is not an encouraging sign.
5. You Have Yet To Play House
It’s a good idea to “play house” before officially moving in together. Spend a month at one of your places. How does it go?
Are you itching to have your own space after three days? A trial run will give you a clear idea of the relationship’s health.
6. You Can’t Support Yourself
Times are tough, and cutting expenses in half may sound like a good idea. But think thrice before making this leap for this reason.
If it doesn’t work out, you could be stuck between a rock and a hard place, owing more money than you would have.
7. You’re Being Pressured
It’s your life. Don’t let peer pressure — or any type of pressure — back you into a cohabitation corner. If you enjoy having your own place, keep it! Take Virginia Wolfe’s advice and maintain “a room of one’s own.”
8. You’re Not In Love
Are you in love or settling because everyone around you is pairing off, moving in, and getting married? It can be frustrating.
It may feel like you’re being left behind. But remember that each life unravels differently. It’s better to be true to yourself than keep up with the proverbial Joneses.
9. You Hate Each Other’s Friends
Although it’s unromantic to think about, successful relationships take more than just love. There must be a sense of camaraderie — not with just each other, but with each other’s friends.
That doesn’t mean you have to love every single person he hangs with, but you shouldn’t hate when he has the gang over either. And the same goes for your crew.
10. Your Life Goals Are Completely Different
You want to live off-grid and grow your own food. He wants to be a Wall Street tycoon who aspires to one-day have a butler. How you ended up together, nobody knows.
For a while, it’s fun. It’s your “opposites attract” phase.
But in the long run, relationships like this rarely stand the test of time. If you’re too different, living together will likely sour quickly.
11. Your Eating Habits Are Diametrically Opposed
You’re a committed kosher vegan; the only two food groups he consumes are milk and dairy.
This is another scenario with terrible odds. It’s challenging to live with someone whose lifestyle is diametrically opposed to your own. And when cohabitating, food becomes a huge deal.
12. You Still Pretend To Be Perfect
Learning to acknowledge your faults is a big part of growing up. If you’re still at a point where you blame others for your misdeeds — or project your insecurities onto friends and family — you’re probably not ready to cohabitate with a lover.
13. Lack of Trust Is Motivating Your Decision
It’s a cliche, but it’s true: changing a zebra’s stripes is impossible. If you’re dating a dog, you can’t force him to be faithful.
So if the only reason you’re moving in with him is to keep him from cheating, prepare to have your heart crushed.
14. You Don’t Know How To Compromise
Be honest: Are you a princess? Do you freak out if things don’t go your way? Is your partner willing to accommodate your every whim? If not, maybe you’re not yet ready to move in with someone.
15. Your Gut Says “No”
Sometimes, your gut knows you better than your brain. If it’s telling you to slow down and hold off, listen.
There’s a reason you’re not enthusiastic. Figure that out before advancing the relationship.
When Should A Couple Move In Together? 15 Signs You’re Both Ready
We’ve discussed the red flags to consider before deciding whether to move in with your partner. Now, let’s take a glass-half-full approach and explore 15 signs that you’re both ready to cohabitate.
1. You Basically Live Together Already
Do you pretty much live together already? If it’s been many moons since you’ve stayed apart, and you’re getting along fine, it’s probably safe to consolidate.
2. You’re Both on the Same Page About the Relationship
Have you talked about where you both see the relationship headed? Are you on the same page? If you’re not mature or committed enough to talk about a future with each other, moving in together may not be the wisest step.
But if you’re walking in the same direction toward something serious, then cohabitating may make the most sense.
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3. You’re Financially Ready
Money matters when you live with your lover. Are you ready to pay your way? Do you have debt that could affect your arrangement? Have you told your partner about it?
If you can’t support yourself, moving in with another person may not be a good idea. First, get on your own two feet. The process is a lot more enjoyable if you are.
At the very least, make sure you’re open and honest about your fiscal situation with your partner. If they plan to support you, get it in writing.
4. You’re Financially Communicative
You must be open about your base financial situation, but you also should be willing to communicate about money continually and effectively. Hidden purchases and expenses always eventually erupt.
But if you’re open and honest with your partner, and feel comfortable with their financial health, pat yourself on the back. You’re adult enough to take it to the next level.
5. You Know How To Communicate With Each Other
Can you easily bring up difficult topics with your significant other? Do you know how to disagree without immediately blowing up?
Can you tell when the other person needs space? You’re probably ready to cohabitate if you can confidently answer all these questions with a “yes.”
6. Saving Money Isn’t Your Only Motivation
It’s not just about saving money. Instead, you two are ready to elevate the partnership to the next level.
7. You’re Supportive of Each Other’s Goals
Is the relationship lopsided? Does one of you put more effort into the relationship? If you have each other’s back, then you’ve checked off another cohabitation requirement.
8. You’re Comfortable With How To Split the Rent
You’ve talked about how you’ll split the rent, and you’re both 100% comfortable with the agreement. It’s also wise to discuss a backup plan if one of you cannot fulfill your end one month.
9. You Can Deal With the Other Person’s Mess
Sure, it may annoy you sometimes, but your partner’s messes don’t send you over the edge — and vice versa. What about chores? Have you decided how to split them up? If you’ve covered all these bases, you’re probably ready to share a roof.
10. You’ve Successfully Taken a Long Trip Together
Many relationship therapists suggest taking a long trip together. It’s a great way to gauge how you’ll react when forced to be with the other person all the time.
If you’ve done it and enjoyed the closeness, that’s one more clue that you may be ready to live together.
11. You’re Not Hiding Major Secrets
If you’re still keeping major secrets from your significant other, it’s wise to reevaluate the relationship. Why don’t you feel comfortable telling them certain things?
However, if you can share your deepest, darkest secrets with your partner, it’s a sign that you’re ready to cohabitate.
12. You’ve Survived a Huge Fight
Couples that always fight usually don’t survive — but neither do couples that bottle up their feelings.
If you’re thinking about moving in together, you should have at least one major fight under your belt. Living together can be tricky, and you need to have experience working your way through conflicts.
13. You Feel the Same Way About Pets
Pets can make or break a relationship — so talk about them before moving in together. Are you on the same page in terms of four-paw family members?
Do you agree on the cats, dogs, birds, hamsters, or reptiles question if you’re both pro-pet?
If you both have the same attitude toward non-human “children,” that bodes well for taking the next step toward cohabitation.
14. You’re Secure Enough To Talk “Worst Case Scenarios”
You’re not ready to cohabitate if you’re uncomfortable talking through “what ifs” — including “what if we break up.” Always have a contingency plan. Life is unpredictable.
15. Your Gut Says “Yes”
Consult your gut. As we mentioned above, it’s a capable radar. Trust it if it’s signaling that all systems are ready for liftoff! But even so, put your head and heart above your gut on this decision.
Sometimes you can mistake a romantic notion for intuition.
FAQs About Moving In Together
Is three months too soon to move in together?
Most relationship experts advise couples to wait at least a year before moving in together.
But that doesn’t mean people who cohabitate after only three months won’t last. However, folks who wait a bit longer have a better track record.
Is seven months too soon to move in together?
Seven months is enough time for some couples to know if they want to cohabitate. However, most marriage counselors recommend waiting at least one year. That said, if you can check off certain relationship milestones, you may be ready.
How do you know if it’s too soon to move in together?
If you’re constantly fighting, have yet to discuss finances, and one of you still has several secrets tucked away, you’re probably not ready to share a home with your romantic partner.
Cohabitation is a big step, and it can be fulfilling and fun. However, think carefully before making the leap prematurely. Moving out is not as fun as moving in.
When Should We Move in Together?
Deciding to move in together is a big step, so with a checklist at hand, you can assess just how ready you are.
Every couple has its own milestones. One of the biggest is the decision to order that moving truck and co-create a shared living space.
Should you move in together? There’s a lot to factor in and no one-size-fits-all timeline. But there are several signs that might indicate that you’re ready.
This question is very individual to each couple, says Kim Egel, a marriage and family therapist in Cardiff, California.
“However, if you think of a new relationship as a life transition, then you can give the relationship at least 1 year to wait to make the leap to cohabitate,” she says.
How long do most couples date before living together?
“Same gender couples, on average, move in together within 6 months. For all other couples, it seems to be on average about 2 years,” says Dr. Brenda Wade, a psychologist in San Francisco, California.
Research from 2017 found that from 2011–2015, 70% of marriages among women under 36 years old started with at least 3 years of cohabitation before marriage.
Signs you’re both ready to move in together
It’s not a matter of when you should live together but why, says Wade.
“Sit down and ask yourselves why you want to live together,” she says. “The secret ingredient is being clear, which means don’t try to figure out things after you move in together. Figure it out before.”
You may be ready to move in together if you’re on the same wavelength about:
- alone time
- your future as a couple
- how to set up your living spaces
It can also help to be open about what it’s like to live with a certain mental health condition, so you both know how best to support each other.
Here are some guides to living with and dating people who have:
- bipolar disorder
- narcissistic traits
Love is a start, but it’s not everything. There’s a lot more that goes into a couple moving in together.
1. You’re used to each other
If you’re already spending most of your nights together, and have successfully weathered disagreements, meeting each other’s families, and relationship hardships, you might consider these solid steps toward cohabitating.
2. You’ve talked about finances
Will rent be split down the middle, or proportional to how much you earn? What expenses will be shared or separate? It’s a good idea to get on the same page about this before you sign on the dotted line.
3. You have a game plan for chores
The dishwasher isn’t going to unload itself, sadly. While you may have some idea of each other’s habits, consider discussing how you’ll divvy up cleaning and how much mess is OK with each of you.
4. You’re setting boundaries
Will phones be allowed in the bedroom? Is there a pet in your future?
You might take time to co-create a vision for your sacred space that makes sense for both of you, while setting healthy boundaries from the get-go.
5. You’ve learned to argue in a healthy way
If you can successfully overcome disagreements, communicate effectively, and listen to your partner, you’ll have a better chance of success in a shared space.
6. You can be yourself
“When you start dating someone, you may feel obligated to keep all of your typical, but occasionally humiliating behaviors… hidden from them,” says Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist in Chicago, Illinois.
“It may be time to live together if you’ve grown so comfortable that you’re not holding in gas or pretending to be a more delicate eater than you are,” Lombardo adds.
7. You feel excited
It’s natural to have mixed emotions about a big milestone. But, ideally, you’ll feel more excited than nervous about this upcoming transition.
If you feel dread, anxiety, or pressure to move, pump the brakes until you can sort out your feelings.
It’s helpful to understand that anxiety and depression can affect decision-making.
Egel says that if you’re feeling unsure, you should have more intimate conversations around the future.
“Factor in important topics such as want for a family, finances, and emotional readiness,” she says. “These are topics that can help deepen a connection, or show where there is work and a conversation to be had.”
If you need support, a relationship coach or a couple’s therapist can help you navigate challenges and improve communication.
There’s no perfect how-to list on dating, moving in together, and marriage, so there’s no “right time” for everyone.
When to move in together is a decision you’ll have to make as a couple.
Before you make the big decision, it can help to take an honest inventory of your relationship, finances, and vision for the future. If you need more support or are feeling pressured, consider reaching out to a professional who can help.
Time to live together: when is it better to move in together🥰❤️
It is a sound approach to think carefully before starting a life together. It is possible that responsible people will be overcome by doubts “it's time / not time”, and they will undoubtedly affect young people who have not yet had to go through such an experience.
To make the decision a little easier for your couple, we have collected signs that the time to live together has already come. The criteria listed below are called by both psychologists and experienced couples. Also, in this article you will find tips on cohabitation and a list of questions and nuances that should be discussed before moving. nine0003
It is possible that responsible people will be overcome by doubts “it's time / not time”, and they will undoubtedly affect young people who have not yet had to go through such an experience
How long will it take to live together?
Let's start with not the easiest answers. It should be understood that some couples absolutely confidently enter into civil cohabitation within a month after they met. For others, even a few years are not enough to have no doubts and be mentally prepared for life together. Both options are the absolute norm. nine0003
Everyone is individual, so don't be surprised that no one will give you the universal advice “feel free to move in after two years of a relationship / start living together after three years of dating”.
But advice from psychologists and couples will help.
Signs you're ready to move in: psychologists and happy couples say
Let's start with a quick checklist of a happily living couple. If all these points are about you, then most likely you are ready.
- You understand that living together is not a way to forever bind a partner to you. On the contrary, it is freedom for two. That is, your motivation begins with the desire to live more fun, from the realization that together you are better and more comfortable. nine0028
If you catch yourself or your partner thinking that after moving one of you “will be mine and will not go anywhere”, then it is better to wait and try to correct this setting. After all, that's not how it works.
- You realize that life together is not all romance. “Everyday life” is also wedged into the relationship, and problems at work of one of the partners, bad mood, laziness and other human manifestations.
Do you feel that you are ready for such behavior of your significant other? Will yours understand you? If yes, then this is a good sign. nine0003
If there is a feeling that all of the above will be unusual for you or your partner, it is better to show each other your “dark” sides. Understand in advance, getting to know each other better.
- Another interesting non-obvious marker is if you spend so much time in someone's apartment that there are about the same amount of your partner's things and yours there.
- You are as open as possible with each other and feel comfortable. That is, they are ready to catch each other in the morning even before applying makeup, brushing their teeth and in a home T-shirt. nine0028
You also feel quite ready to share your grievances with your partner. Not in the form of claims, but with a willingness to engage in dialogue. And he is with you too.
- You have already had a successful experience of a long life together under one roof - a vacation, a trip to the country or a long continuous stay at one of your homes. If nothing bothered you at the same time, there were no problems, then the risk of “not getting along” is much less.
Here, if you spend the night together almost every day. nine0003
If you recognized yourself and your partner in the previous paragraphs, then there are a few tips and nuances that you need to keep in mind for a great start to life together and to simplify the “lapping”.
- There are no clear rules in cohabitation.
But there are your personal agreements. That is, you are free to share household duties and responsibilities in a way that is comfortable for the two of you. Even if all other couples do otherwise. nine0003
- General goals and plans.
Discuss what you expect from the start of a life together and whether your plans match. Ideally, they should.
One of the most dangerous misunderstandings at this stage is the disagreement of plans. For example, one of the partners wants to live together in order to spend more time with each other, to simplify life and have regular sex, while the other considers moving as the last step before marriage. It is better to discuss such moments "on the shore".
- "Thank you."
At first, it is especially important to pay attention to pleasant details in the partner's behavior. Psychologists recommend not to forget to thank your partner for the seemingly most obvious and banal things: for a delicious breakfast, for helping you sort out bags of groceries, for vacuuming the floors without being reminded.
Such feedback, first of all, will help to quickly get used to each other in everyday life. Second, we all need words of encouragement. Especially after moving, because it's still stressful. nine0003
Compliments, praise and other kind words are also included.
- Dealing with grievances.
Don't count on minor everyday troubles to go away on their own if your partner doesn't read minds. Learn to be open about what you like and don't like.
It is also important to learn how to do it correctly, in the format of a dialogue, not a quarrel. “I-statements” are great for this. The point is to say “I get angry when you...”, “I feel bad if you”, instead of accusatory language. nine0003
Earlier on the portal we already wrote about the causes of conflicts in a couple. We invite you to study in order to be prepared for all the hardships that may stand in the way of your happy relationship.
By speaking in this way, you will go through the stage of getting used to each other less painfully and will most effectively correct your and your partner's behavior in a healthy way.
Important questions to answer before cohabitation
The points listed below do not have to be discussed at once - a difficult conversation will come out. Some of the answers can be found out in a natural way - perhaps some questions were answered even before cohabitation.
- Distribution of household duties.
To begin with, you can decide what household chores are easier for each of you. For example, someone loves to cook but hates washing dishes. One understands the washing of clothes and can take it upon himself, then the second can help hang things up and iron them. nine0003
- Definition of personal space and personal time.
Don't be surprised by the fact that sometimes after work he will not immediately run home, but take a walk alone or have dinner with friends.
It would also not be superfluous to consider the possibility of seclusion in your own house and "hide" from a neighbor. A corner where you can renounce the whole world is really important to have in an apartment. If there is no opportunity to organize such a place, then be loyal to the fact that there is a time when even your soulmate should not be disturbed. And for very good reasons! Do you know that privacy is a natural human need? We wrote more about this0011 here .
Don't be surprised that you or your partner will sometimes go for a walk home after work or have dinner with friends.
Decide who keeps track of the bills, submits the readings and pays - one person, in turn or in some other way.
Discuss how you pay your rent and utilities, even if you think there are default rules. nine0003
The same applies to other general expenses - food, entertainment, household goods, etc.
It seems that there are too many nuances, but remember, the main criterion for being ready for a life together is your prudence and confidence that you and your partner are ready for this. For many couples, all of the above comes naturally, and the decision to get together comes intuitively - and such couples are rarely wrong!
If this is not exactly your case, do not rush and do not be afraid to take time to clarify some points or "grow" to cohabitation. nine0003
How long does it take to move in and get married
Hello guys! I really like reading you: I learned a lot of interesting things for myself and in many respects I agree with you. I mustered up the courage to write to you, and, perhaps, give good advice, as well as to everyone in need! :)
Let me tell you a little about myself: I am 30 years old, I live in Moscow, originally from St. Petersburg. I work in a large company, I love my job and my team, and, most importantly, I have room to grow, i. e. work will definitely not be boring. As a person, he is absolutely full-fledged, interesting and moderately likable (sorry for the “modesty”). nine0003
2.5 months ago I started a relationship with a man who is 3 years older than me. Serious intentions, pampers moderately, I really like spending time together, there are already joint trips, we are planning a joint vacation, etc. But there is one “but”: he is already starting to hint at cohabitation, he is asking me about my culinary skills (but I know for sure: there is nothing to worry about - I know how to cook, I am economic, etc.). The problem is that the mere thought of living together puts me in a panic: I’m scared that they’ll just use me again, but they won’t call me to the altar (I’ve already lived 2 times). I understand that it is necessary to try to live before marriage, but, in your opinion, what time and what dot the i should dot before moving in together? I like him very much, and I like him. But won't an early cohabitation ruin our relationship? nine0003
Also a parallel question: how to properly distribute the budget in the family, who should be responsible for what things (housing, food, etc. )?
I hug and kiss everyone on the cheeks. I'm waiting for your answer, like a nightingale of summer :))
Love and warmth to all:)
Hello, dear lady! Before itching in the palms and tears on the cheeks, we were waiting for such a kind of recognition from the girls, because they usually write us derogatory nasty things in the comments to articles in which we speak unflatteringly about women, relationships and grievances. Thanks for being so kind and like they said at 98th year, bad words.
Well, now, comrade immodest Leningrader, let's go directly to the topic. If suddenly, after reading the answer, the desire to smack our cheeks suddenly disappears, like the mention of rallies from the news, then don’t get angry: this is not a collision, but by negligence. Know: this is all loving - so to speak, from noble motives. Moreover, the truth is rarely pleasant.
Your boyfriend is definitely eyeing you and will most likely offer what you're so afraid of. He certainly understands that you, do not take it for impudence, are no longer applicants, so to speak, and there is no particular point in delaying. Although, knowing men, I can tell you that this does not mean that he will offer you life in the coming week. You see, the fear of living together torments not only women, but also men. It hurts so much that in the middle of the night they wake up crying, call their mother and say that they don’t want to move out. Here is such a squiggle: a curve, like painted eyebrows after rain. nine0003
Therefore, it is impossible to exclude the possibility that for another six months he will think and reflect on how much he needs to get into such an adventure as living together. These are common questions to get to know you, and they can be asked just like that, just in case. He may not be sure of his intentions, but suddenly in a day or two he will be impatient to get married. And here everything is already explored - well done, boy!
As for the reason for the doubts, the point here is not whether you are a goddess, just a nymph or a riffraff from a bestiary. Rather, the problem is in his life and amorous experience. Suddenly, his ex took lovers, fried anchovy, controlled his every step, and he is afraid of a repetition of this nightmare. Moreover, as the old people say, you need to get married before 30, because then you become smarter and do not agree to such nonsense. Everyone has doubts and thoughts that he will be used, exploited as a domestic slave. After all, you probably don’t want to turn into a laundress-maid-borshchevok in your free time. And this is not to mention the fact that this scarecrow must be satisfied, so that it does not look where it is not necessary. All this, of course, exaggerated, although there is some truth in this. nine0003
The main thing is not to forget that there are no servants, slaves or slaves in the family. There are only two people who hear and respect each other. But this, as they say, is ideal. But in fact, until the end of your life you will stand at the stove and wash his smelly socks, and you will have sex once a year and then drunk: you will sniff his onion-alcohol spirit and pretend that you are pleased. Just kidding.
Boys are brought up as warriors, and girls are brought up as princesses and decent housewives. But this is not entirely true - more of a stereotype. The male has become gentle these days. To a greater extent, it all depends on the person, on the level of his wisdom. In fact, a lot depends on how you put yourself, and if you do not want to be a traditional wife, then this must be identified right away. And know that if he does not look like an ideal man in your understanding, then in the future he will not become one. The boy is already an adult and has lost his flexibility. So evaluate carefully how the gentleman is rich and how comfortable it is for you. He, in turn, will evaluate you. Hoping that you will endure and fall in love is the same as dooming yourself to lifelong hard labor. That's in order to reveal it, and we must live together. But if you already see that you are different, like rum and milk, then there is no point in wasting time. If you are not sure that you want to live with him, then most likely this man is either not completely yours or has not revealed himself enough: 2. 5 months is not such a long time even to understand if you like it your new jacket or not. And we're talking about life here. “Will a quick cohabitation ruin our relationship?” As experience shows, no. But if you wait a little longer, it will only get better. nine0003
How long do you have to live before marriage? And exactly as much as it takes to understand that you have become one and that an independent life does not cause you bouts of painful nostalgia and a desire to escape. When marriage is not as scary as it is now, and you both feel that this barbaric custom will not make it worse, then it's time. And most importantly - when you get to know each other so well that you will predict the next action. In a word, until it becomes boring and the thought “wouldn’t we go to get married” will not seem like something taken for granted. nine0003
And don't think that after 30 all the trains left and we should hurry. Although we ran a little higher on age, but this is far from old age. As one honored gynecologist, professor and luminary said: “Are you an idiot? What does it mean “you need to give birth before 27, otherwise it will be too late”? Who said such nonsense? Is the point clear? You see, in the civilized world after thirty you are considered an adult full-fledged person, and until that time you are an unreasonable teenager. It is clear that the living conditions are somewhat different and the difference in mentality has not gone away, but spit on this nonsense. What do you care what other people think?! So there is always time to take a closer look, especially if, as the classic said, you are wise and graceful, like a weeping willow, and vile, like a farting diva. nine0003
And also, my dear, be kind, let go of the previous experience: it slows you down worse than a stop crane. We men are very different. We have more varieties than fakes from Adidas and Zhenya Belousov's songs. Not everyone wants a housekeeper. God forbid that she loitered at home all day long and became stupefied from a boring life! Everyone should have a life besides marriage: their circle of friends, interests. And it's not about cheating and whores, as one might think. It’s better that a woman has something to talk about, and if she didn’t have time to do the first, second and compote today, then there is nothing fatal in this. It's a shame, disgusting, in doubt, but if it's not regular, then it's forgivable. This, of course, is pure subjectivity, but where would we be without it! nine0003
As for the fact that it was not possible to reach the altar, then, you know, there may be different reasons. Either you choose boys who are too indecisive, or you yourself force them to run away. Or you are drawn, which often happens, to individuals with whom you are incompatible, like wine with gasoline. We cannot say why they fled from you, because we do not have information. So here you have to analyze and figure it out yourself. But if he is too similar to your previous gentlemen, then keep in mind: another runaway suitor is possible. nine0003
In general, tell him about your fears, explain what you want and what confuses you. There is nothing shameful in this. And most importantly: it will become easier for you, and for him. Maybe after what he heard, he would run away, sparkling with trousers, because he had no thoughts about marriage at all. Everyone should think of themselves first before signing marriage certificates, no matter how selfish it may sound. Nobody canceled sacrifice, common goals, taking into account the interests of a partner, but if there is no special love, then why all this? That was? Silly, we think. It's not worth it - proven by divorce statistics and grumbling pensioners who, for the sake of children and out of habit, cannot look at each other. nine0003
You have to be able to set priorities for yourself and understand what you are ready to give up in order for him to be with you. Communicate, share what is bothering you, be as reasonable as possible. And then it will be easier for everyone, believe me. Love is divine, but sooner or later it turns into a habit, and then all problems, like garbage that has spent the winter under the snow, will emerge. Do you like him externally, internally; don't you get tired of it; whether he has many habits that you would like to change - you need to consider everything. And by the way, the financial issue should also be taken into account. And how to distribute, you decide for yourself, based on your income. The classic scheme: a man pays for housing, services, gasoline, buys good gifts, and a woman pays only food. And both of them save some money for grandiose purchases. An elegant scheme - however, it does not work for everyone, and sometimes both spend the last, because the salaries are small and it is not possible to play a kept woman and a patron of the arts. nine0003
It doesn't matter how your boyfriend feels about this issue. Maybe he thinks that a man should pay for everything, and then he will just pay for everything, and your salary can be saved for something more serious and the little things you need. Or vice versa, but only if the wife, who earns more, does not make him impotent.