Dealing with insecurity
10 Ways to Overcome Insecurities
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What are insecurities?
Three types of insecurities
What are the consequences of insecurities?
What causes insecurity?
10 tips to overcome insecurities
Some days you feel like a rockstar, like nothing can bring you down. In every situation, you exude confidence. Need to introduce yourself to new people? No, problem — you feel easy, and even graceful, in your own skin, without that nervous feeling in your stomach. Giving a speech to a crowd doesn’t scare you because you feel good about what you’re talking about.
Everyone loves feeling invincible. Or at least super-competent.
Other days, not so much. It’s like a switch flips. Some days, without obvious causes, you want to hide because nothing seems to feel right.
Our insecurities can get the better of us, but that’s entirely normal. We’re all humans and we are wired to notice what doesn’t go well or what isn’t working more than what is. Your inner critic comes out of nowhere and does some damage to your self-confidence.
It’s easy to tell people to stop being insecure, but learning how to overcome insecurities is challenging.
What are insecurities?
Insecurities find their way into every aspect of our lives. We can be insecure about how we look, how tall we are, what our voices sound like, and more.
Insecurities can come from being bullied at school or constantly scrolling through social media and comparing yourself to others. Past experiences can follow us forward and haunt our self-confidence today, or daily events can trigger feelings of inadequacy.
All of our insecurities can come from a lack of self-esteem. They stem from our self-talk revolving around negative thoughts, like self-doubt and questions about our self-image. We often feel insecure when we don’t value our well-being and practice self-care.
An insecure person could feel nervous, anxious, or hesitant about certain things. Whether that’s how well they can do multiplication or what their skateboarding skills are like, these feelings can consume you and prevent you from taking advantage of new opportunities.
3 types of insecurities
Since insecurities can touch many aspects of our lives, there are a few types to be familiar with. Here are three different types of insecurities to think about:
1. Personal insecurity
Personal insecurities are about how you look or sound and how others perceive you. These surface-level insecurities can seem superficial to someone observing from the outside — worrying about hair or clothing or an unwelcome blemish.
But they can be deeply felt by the individual and cause distress. Personal insecurities can even prevent us from pursuing relationships, career opportunities, or social connections — if we let them.
They can stem from a lack of self-confidence because you care deeply about what people think of you. They often, but not always, relate to body image.
Social media platforms often lead people to compare themselves to others and enhance their insecurities leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating disorders and self-harm.
2. Professional insecurity
Professional insecurities happen at our workplaces and make people anxious and self-conscious to give presentations or speak up.
These insecurities can also fill people with self-doubt and cause them to believe they aren’t good enough for promotions or taking risks. It leads people to experience imposter syndrome and miss out on achieving their goals.
3. Relationship insecurity
Relationship insecurities are common and can occur in any relationship. They make you feel like you don’t deserve your partner and that someone else will make them happier.
These insecurities can lead to jealousy, arguments, and dominating behavior. Relationship insecurities can be caused by past experiences with previous partners or other friends and family members if they’ve caused any trauma.
What are the consequences of insecurities?
We all have our down days, but too much negativity can make a profound impact on your life. It harms our physical health and mental health. Since our insecurities stem from our self-esteem, when we have many insecurities that take over our minds, it causes low self-esteem.
Our low self-esteem can make us more prone to mental health issues like increased anxiety, depression, and more. When our self-worth is low and fragile, we don’t believe in ourselves. This can lead to us abandoning our dreams or living inside our comfort zones.
Having a positive self-image is empowering, but we can be too hard on ourselves when that’s taken away. It can cause people to throw their self-compassion out the window.
Even narcissists are insecure. People who suffer from narcissism are often flexing to compensate for their insecurities.
Insecurities are also troublesome for our relationships. Feeling insecure can cause other feelings of distrust, anger, and even resentment towards our friends, family, and partners. This behavior creates tension for everyone and is unhealthy if left unresolved.
Insecurities don’t have any right to rule your life. If you’re looking for help overcoming your insecurities, then get in touch with one of our coaches at BetterUp. We’d love to help you gain perspective and learn to live a life beyond your insecurities.
What causes insecurity?
We need to know what causes our insecurities and where they come from to overcome them. It can be challenging to pinpoint exactly where each of our insecurities originates, but better understanding the causes of insecurities can help us move past them.
Research has shown that 40% of our happiness comes from how we experience recent life events. Failure in any aspect of life can fill people with self-doubt, negatively impacting their self-esteem and confidence.
Imagine if your boss passed you over for an outstanding promotion at work that you’ve worked hard to achieve. This failure would crush you, and your self-esteem would take a big hit.
Failure can lead to a harsher inner critic if the feeling goes unresolved. You may strive for perfectionism because you won’t feel confident or satisfied without it.
Social anxiety also causes insecurities. When people lack confidence in social situations like family parties, business meetings, interviews, and dates, they feel afraid of how people perceive them.
Are they judging my shoes? Do they think my laugh is too loud? Did I say something stupid? These are all thoughts that someone insecure could have.
Social anxiety can be caused by past experiences such as bullying, being rejected by loved ones, and other incidents of people judging you too harshly.
After negative past experiences, accepting ourselves and our mistakes is difficult. But our confidence won’t improve if we don’t practice better self-acceptance.
10 tips to overcome insecurities
Since everyone has different insecurities, there is no universal way to stop being insecure. You might need to try new strategies if some don’t work the best for you. Keeping that in mind, here are 10 tips to help you overcome your insecurities:
- Confront your feelings rather than avoid them.
- Have a growth mindset and set solid goals.
- Prepare yourself for setbacks but don’t let them control you.
- Embrace all of your characteristics and passions.
- Challenge your negative thoughts and think critically.
- Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people.
- Listen to other people’s stories about overcoming their insecurities.
- Try new things that make you happy.
- Let go of people and situations that fuel your insecurities.
- Be proud of your progress, no matter how big or small it is.
If you’re struggling with insecurities or lost in your quest for higher self-esteem, try BetterUp.
When you work with a BetterUp coach, we help guide you to identify the causes of your insecurities and how best to move past them.
How to Stop Being Insecure and Build Self-Esteem
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It’s normal to have down days where you feel you can’t seem to do anything right. But feeling insecure about yourself all the time can take a toll on every aspect of your life, from your physical health and emotional well-being to how you perform at your job.
Not feeling good enough can be especially hazardous when it comes to your romantic relationships by making your more prone to feelings of anxiety and jealous. And it doesn’t just affect you. Research shows that self-esteem impacts both you and your partner’s relationship satisfaction.
The good news is there are ways to build up your self-esteem. While it won’t happen overnight, with the right strategies and mindset, you can take steps toward changing the way you feel about yourself.
Take inventory of everything you’re doing right. Chances are, your thoughts about yourself aren’t taking into account the hundreds of positive micro-decisions we make on a daily basis.
Remembering how you helped your neighbor with their groceries or assisted your boss during an important meeting, can help you focus on your contributions rather than shortcomings.
If you’re always looking after everyone else’s needs and forgetting your own, you’re not valuing yourself enough. Adding in more self-care to your daily routine can help you counter negative thoughts and build up your self-worth.
Here are some ways you can show yourself some love:
- Nurture your body by getting a massage or facial.
- Do your favorite workout at least 30 minutes each day.
- Unplug from your phone or take a social media detox.
- Treat yourself to a nourishing meal.
- Practice self-compassion; talk nicely to yourself.
Even just making sure you’re eating regularly and prioritizing sleep can give your self-worth a boost.
There are going to me moments when you fumble — it’s just part of life. But accepting this fact can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
The next time you find yourself feeling embarrassed or self-conscious, try to laugh it off.
Learn more about why awkwardness isn’t such a bad thing.
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves after stumbling or making a mistake. But beating yourself up because you didn’t score that big promotion or forgot to make an important phone call keeps you stuck in a negative cycle of shame and self-loathing.
Try to practice countering your negative thoughts as they come up:
- Forgive yourself and understand these are isolated instances that don’t define you as a person.
- Write down your negative thoughts so that you can step back and simply observe them.
- Consider what you’ve learned from the experience and re-focus on the positive. How has this taught you to create a better outcome in the future?
There’s nothing like surrounding yourself with loving, supportive people to build up your confidence and make you feel accepted for who you are.
Make a plan to set up more coffee dates and get-togethers with your nearest and dearest. Seeing yourself through the eyes of those who care about you will help you appreciate your own unique qualities and perspectives.
Think about the times you’ve felt especially insecure. Who were you with? What were you doing?
Noticing the people and situations that deflate your self-esteem can help you pinpoint what to avoid. If you’re surrounding yourself with so-called “friends” who make it a habit of pointing out your flaws, it’s a clear sign to find better company.
Celebrate your successes and talk yourself up when you’ve had a big win at work. Being proud of what you do, even if it seems awkward at first, can have a powerful effect on your self-esteem.
Keep a reminder on hand to help boost your confidence throughout the day by:
- saving compliments people have given you on your desktop or notes app
- writing out all of your accomplishments to review them when you’re feeling insecure
- taking a few minutes each day to list three things you appreciate about yourself
Prioritize spending free time doing things that bring you joy and happiness, whether it’s curling up with a book or cooking a good meal from scratch.
Even better, consider learning a new skill or taking up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Aside from making you happy, mastering a new skill is a good reminder of your talents and interests.
Overcoming insecurity and building up your self-esteem don’t happen overnight. Try to be kind to yourself during this process and don’t get discouraged if things aren’t improving as fast as you’d like them too.
Even if you don’t feel confident today, the small baby steps you are taking now will eventually grow into bigger steps and keep you moving forward.
Speaking with a qualified therapist can help you explore your fears and insecurities by understanding where they come from. They can also help you develop new tools for navigating situations that zap your confidence.
Not sure where to start? Our guide to affordable therapy can help.
Books about the nature of insecurity and ways to work through it can not only offer good advice, but also help you feel less alone in what you’re going through.
There are countless books the subject, but these titles are a good starting point.
What to Say When You Talk to Your Self
Through his profound technique, Shad Helmstetter, PhD, teaches you how to let go of nagging, counterproductive self-talk in favor of embracing a more positive outlook on life.
What’s Right with Me
This book on celebrating your strengths and qualities will help you gain new perspective about your positive traits. Carlene DeRoo, PhD, also offers engaging activities to help you identify what’s going right in your life.
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
If you’re struggling to recognize your value and worth, Kristen Neff, PhD, provides a road map for being gentle with yourself. Her book includes exercises and action plans for dealing with all kinds of emotional obstacles.
Healing Your Emotional Self
This book by Beverly Engel is a particularly useful read if you think your self-esteem issues may be rooted in childhood experiences. She documents the many types of psychological abuses children experience while growing up and offers a powerful guide for overcoming low self-esteem.
By recognizing defense mechanisms carried from childhood, you can learn from your past to create a more positive self-image.
Everyone deals with insecurity on some level, but left unchecked, it can have a big impact on your day-to-day life. Building self-esteem isn’t always easy, and it can take some time, but the end result is worth it. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you feel like you could use some extra support.
Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Find her at cindylamothe.com.
33 Ways to Deal with Insecurity and Anxiety Like Madonna / Sudo Null IT NewsThat's good, because the lessons learned are for us to turn weaknesses into strengths!
So why not make insecurity and anxiety your strengths? And , why not learn from Madonna , who appears on the Forbes magazine lists, and Harvard students study her life path? nine0009
Look to Madonna for inspiration. Those bold doubts in her words:
“I, too, have moments of doubt and weakness. Moments when I do something before I think it over. Moments when I choose the easiest way. Moments when I gossip and envy. Moments of deep self-doubt”
Not all of us are endowed with her talents, but why not try to overcome the “what if…” thoughts with the help of self-expression? nine0013
Inspired by the lines from Madonna's "Express Yourself", this article brings together 33 bright ways to live life to the fullest, meeting approval, failure, finding yourself and life's values, spirituality, imperfection, honesty, creativity and purposefulness along the way.
1. Do what your inner voice says
Before you do something that gets on your nerves, write about what you like. Focus on what you love to do and put your soul into it! nine0013
2. Make panic your friend
The more you pretend not to panic, the more it shows that the panic has overcome you after all. Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park says:
“... life will not be measured. It easily gets out of control, opens up new horizons for you and destroys barriers, sometimes it is painful and dangerous ... life, um ... finds a way ... "
Your panic is alive and well, so don't try to suppress it and use it as a trigger. nine0013
3. Reduce your alcohol intake and stay cool
Don't play cool. Feel the fullness of life and limit the use of alcohol, sugar and caffeine, which fuel anxiety and mask feelings.
You must listen to your inner voice and speak frankly about your own feelings. Overcome fears by taking responsibility for your words and actions.
4. Get rid of garbage and breathe
Get rid of the junk that instills fear and apathy in you and set priorities for yourself. nine0006 Develop a life-affirming habit of breathing and living measuredly. Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 7-11 seconds, exhale again.
5. Stop being afraid of being misunderstood
Don't count on people to read your mind. Choose the right words and go towards people, tell them about what you feel, think and what you want.
6. Rock the boat and don't try to fit in with society
Do not try to fulfill other people's whims or adapt to society. Strengthen your integrity and act intuitively. Your life is a constant choice. Do it and accept all the consequences of this choice. nine0013
Expect the best and don't be afraid to try.
Much safer under predictable circumstances, but at what cost to you? Don't settle for less or less than the best. Don't be afraid when things fall apart. Always try new things and let them fall apart, fail until you experience success.
7. Do not judge
Stop labeling people. Are you tired of judging yourself and other people? When you stop doing this, you will notice that judgment used to take up a lot of space in your life. nine0013
8. Fail often but rise quickly
Pull yourself together quickly, because repeated failures provide invaluable lessons and open up new opportunities for you.
9. Compare real and imagined reasons for anxiety
Analyze reality by comparing current and perceived causes of anxiety. Instead of coming up with unnecessary reasons for anxiety, use your imagination to good use and come up with something.
Look for the good in people and start a cycle of help by offering and asking for help from others. Let others open up to you, and in turn, don't be afraid to open up to them. Speak sincerely so that you always see only the good in yourself and other people. nine0013
10. Soak up emotions like a sponge
Have you tried to numb your emotions after being told that you are too sensitive? Tune in to this and direct this trait in the right direction. After all, the opposite emotions are apathy, indifference and callousness. So experience emotions and share them with others!
11. Leave your island and ask for help
Set aside at least an hour a week to connect with others. Call a friend, schedule a meeting or volunteer event. Make new acquaintances. nine0013
12. Lend a helping hand
Thinking “what if…” is very selfish, especially when you think “What will I tell them when they stop talking?”
Do not burden your thoughts and help others by simply smiling and listening to them.
Forget superficiality; Do not overestimate or underestimate your strengths and weaknesses. You don't need wealth, superficial illusions, or distractions. Feel focused, carefree and sincere. nine0013
13. Get a firm footing, start small and grow
During the school years, many gave up because of unrealistic hopes and failures. Big ideas lead to goals!
14. Think narrowly
Your brain is too open to new possibilities! It's wonderful and incredible. But focus on a specific case to understand all aspects of it.
15. Why are you so serious?
Stop taking yourself so seriously, learn to laugh and move on. Try. nine0013
16. Let go of the reins and go wild!
Anxiety is next to control, so step over the threshold of your comfort zone. Spend time in nature where you can find perfection off the screen.
17. Learn to be grateful
Attract success. Be concentrated and use your intuition to attract good luck at the right time.
18. Think and be calm
Keep your inner peace in harmony and clear your thoughts by focusing on your breath. Do this for 10 minutes a day. nine0013
Find perfection in imperfection and realize that you deserve a happy and interesting life. True happiness is not actions, but a state of mind. Feel this state and live to the fullest. You deserve it.
19. Be like our little brothers
Animals know a lot about life, so try to be closer to nature. Your pet will never judge or worry about little things.
20. Practice a lot to be successful
Imagine that you have become successful by overcoming all the “what if…” thoughts. Success is the result of practice, muscle memory. Read Amy Cuddy's book "Presence" and practice positive body language, and then you will have corresponding thoughts.
21. Straight to the end!
Don't let anything, especially perfectionism, get in the way of your way to the finish line.
Constant work and perseverance builds your success and self-confidence.
Always walk with your head up. Rationally consider what “what if” thoughts lead to. Watch for thoughts to become irrational and change direction. nine0013
22. Break down the walls
Feel and express your emotions, even anger. Honesty will break down the wall that separates you from others and lead to your purpose and happiness.
No more sighs, criticism, complaints and whining. Don't pretend everything is fine. Be realistic and act confidently.
24. Be yourself and develop yourself
Live as you see fit and continue to engage in self-development. For example, yoga on Thursdays is a good way to get to know yourself. nine0013
Find your moral and social norms, harmony and discipline, starting with bringing positivity and structure to your day.
25. Build relationships on empathy and friendship
Instead of using a devastating "I can't" in your speech, speak positively and from your heart. Learn the art of caring without becoming a spineless person.
Prioritize the balance of a calm, healthy, measured life. Don't underestimate the importance of a good night's sleep, an organized home, a healthy daily routine, breaks, and friends that are above "more important work." nine0013
27. Kick some butts!
Don't forget about regular exercise. Find yourself in one of the disciplines and connect with your breath, achievements, responsibilities and go to the end.
Channeling your anxious thoughts in the right direction turns them into expressiveness, allowing you to make a decision that will open new doors and improve your life.
28. Art and music
Find your creative side through painting, sculpture, or music. nine0013
It can be as simple as rearranging a room or organizing a closet. This is a positive action. Also, regular cleaning will bring a good result.
30. Speak up!
Sign up for a drama club or conversation class. Practice on your own, on camera, online, or in front of a group.
Remember everything, do not deny the past, but focus completely on the present. Do as much as you can in the present and don't regret anything. nine0013
31. Find the cause
It is not the desire to receive a reward that will lead you to the goal, but the search for a reason to love what you do.
Madonna also advises societies and schools:
“When you feel oppressed or trapped, stop thinking about yourself and do something nice for someone else. It is an excellent remedy for sadness, anxiety and insecurity…”
32. Focus on your goal
Instead of worrying about what others think of you, think that you want to get over it and learn something new. Ask yourself about your goals several times, and you will find the true reasons for your actions. nine0013
33. Make a positive action list!
Decide what you can do today without regretting what you did. Take at least one step towards your goal every day.
At your next speech or event, release your anxiety. Develop, flourish, shine with harmony and passion to turn self-doubt into a way of self-expression.
P.S. We recommend another useful article on the topic of working on yourself - 5 unusual habits of highly productive people. nine0013
Translated by Vyacheslav Davidenko, founder of TESTutor.
Dealing with uncertainty - Psychologos
October 01, 2022, 9:45 pm
Film "What Women Want"
Film "Confidence Training, Synthon Center"9002 removing fears and developing confidence.
Insecurity for women and men
When women talk about their insecurity, they usually mean a feeling of insecurity, a feeling of insecurity. When men talk about their confidence, they often mean their behavior. See → nine0013
Are you ready to work with your insecurities
Uncertainty is your question? Are you ready to work with it? To understand whether you are ready or not, how ready you are, write the number of hours - or minutes? - on the day that you are ready to devote to this work. Have you written? Then see →
Strategic and situational work with uncertainty
Work with uncertainty can be situational, reducing uncertainty in a particular situation, and strategic, giving a long-term effect in a wide range of situations. nine0013
Strategic work has two possible parts:
- actually work with uncertainty: where, what are the roots, what to do with these problems. It is more of a psychotherapeutic work.
- confidence development, personality development work. Watch Confidence Starts With You
Basic techniques and steps:
- Relaxation. Relax, remember the state of calm presence, calmly breathe. nine0220
- Switch attention to others. See Focus. Self-doubt suggests that a person focuses on himself. And while he is busy with himself, then with a predisposition to neuroticism, he will begin to experience uncertainty. If you turn your attention to others, deal with their questions, the uncertainty goes away. Watch the video "The girl who always thinks about herself."
- Plan, vision. If you figure out a difficult situation in advance in your head, it already turns out to be simple. It is better to estimate a difficult conversation on paper, a meeting - either to lose live with other people, or to scroll in your head, to see in detail: what I will do. If it is difficult to imagine yourself - imagine a hero or an idol in his place - what will he do? nine0220
- Dealing with uncertainty
Are you ready to work with your insecurities
Uncertainty is your question? Are you ready to work with it? To overcome their insecurities and develop their confidence, a person needs to do something with himself. And the majority of those who complain about their insecurity either don’t know how to do something with themselves, or don’t want to, in any case they don’t have the ability and habit to work on themselves. nine0013
Aug 08 2014
Bricks 2.0 (D. Sugralinov)
This is a life story about weakness and lack of will, about falling, fighting and overcoming oneself. The protagonist is a young office worker, whose external upbringing hides infantilism, cowardice and lack of self-respect. He tries to change himself, dreaming of a beautiful and successful life. Acting contrary to all the stereotypes about losers, making mistakes again and again, he gets out of many life situations that are familiar to each of us. nine0013
Oct 01 2022
Uncertainty - inner fear, feeling of lack of strength, inability to make a decision. As a rule, uncertainty arises in a situation of an unfriendly environment (or a situation that is perceived as such). Those people who more often assume an unfriendly attitude from others are more likely to experience and demonstrate insecure behavior - or aggressive behavior.
Oct 01 2022
Insecurity for women and men
When women talk about their insecurity, they usually mean a feeling of insecurity, a feeling of insecurity. If they want to get rid of uncertainty, they can (in words) talk about the desire to speak confidently in front of the public, to hold themselves confidently - it seems to be about behavior. With more careful questioning, it almost always turns out that what is really important for a woman is a sense of confidence, a feeling of a winner - she needs an internal state. nine0013
Oct 01 2022
The habit “I see the goal - I do it - I rejoice”
The habit “I see the goal - I do it - I rejoice” is characteristic of the Doer. Helps fight insecurity, anxiety and worries. The bottom line: some situation begins to bother you - quickly imagine what kind of successful result you would like to get in the end. It can be in the simplest words: "Make dinner", "Solve the situation at Ilya's school", "Check on the parents."
Jan 1 2010
Working with fear
Working with fear - techniques and procedures to prevent fear, get rid of fear or use its positive aspects. Working with fear is predominantly a psychotherapeutic procedure, appropriate in a situation where the problem of fears cannot be solved by a strong-willed, reasonable and active way.
Oct 01 2022
Confidence is the presence of strength and control, giving an optimistic outlook and faith. nine0013
Jan 01 2010
Confidence starts with you
Confidence starts with you. To overcome their insecurities and develop their confidence, a person needs to do something with himself.