Cheating is normal
How Common Is Cheating? | Psych Central
More people cheat than you might imagine. Here are the numbers.
Cheating in relationships is common in the United States among all age groups.
The internet makes this phenomenon easier than ever, expanding opportunities for different types of cheating. And getting caught.
If you’ve cheated on your partner or been cheated on, you’re not alone. It’s a tale as old as time and you can take heart: folks on both sides of infidelity can heal.
A 2010 research article suggests that finding accurate statistics on infidelity may be problematic for several reasons, including:
- Not everyone defines cheating in the same way. Does flirting count? What about virtual affairs?
- Infidelity in LGBTQ+ communities has not been well-studied or reported.
Here’s what we do know about the prevalence of cheating.
A 2021 survey by Health Testing Centers polled 441 people and reported:
- a little over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs
- nearly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together
- 47.
5% of relationships affected by cheating said they established and enforced new relationship rules, such as sharing phone passwords, to minimize the likelihood of more affairs
Research in 2020 analyzed data on infidelity in marriage from 1991 to 2018 by the General Social Survey (GSS). The most recent data on extramarital sex within demographic groups was unpacked, and the numbers are interesting.
| Demographics | Rates |
|---|---|
| men who say they cheat | 23% |
| women who say they cheat | 12% |
| married people who say they cheat | 12% |
| divorced people who say they cheat | 26% |
| infidelity of Black people | 24% |
| infidelity of white people | 16% |
| infidelity of other POCs | 13% |
| cheating in 55 to 64 year olds | 18% |
| cheating in 41 to 54 year olds | 16% |
| cheating in 18 to 40 year olds | 11% |
It’s possible that the pandemic may have influenced an increase in virtual or online infidelity.
A 2020 research article reports that a dating site for married people had an increase in 1,500 new members per day compared to 2019. Researchers speculate that increased internet use and marital tensions under lockdown might account for this statistic.
As common as infidelity is, it often feels personal.
What actually is an affair?
Infidelity is sexual or emotional activity outside agreed-upon relationship boundaries. An affair can be a sexual activity but isn’t necessarily. Sometimes it’s hugging and kissing. Sometimes it’s not even that.
According to LuAnn Oliver, a couples therapist licensed in Virginia, affairs can include:
- a one-night stand
- compulsive sexual behavior
- emotional infidelity
- strongly desiring a particular someone else (coveting)
- desiring your existing mate and someone else
- an online flirtation or sexting
Why do people cheat?
A 2021 study used machine learning algorithms to find factors predicting infidelity.
Some top predictors in cheating were:
- Online cheating
- Interest in trying specific sexual activities never achieved with their partner (anal sex)
- Longer relationship length
- Solitary desire (personal sexual desire)
- In-person cheating
- Low relationship satisfaction
- Low romantic love
- Solitary desire (personal sexual desire)
Sometimes people cheat for revenge or attention. Other times, folks cheat when their inhibitions are lowered while under the influence of a substance.
Relationship expert Esther Perel believes people cheat to transform regret, or to express a new identity, according to this Atlantic article she penned.
Romantic ideals and the concept of self-fulfillment can also affect modern infidelity.
Oliver, a certified emotionally focused therapist (EFT) has seen “people underestimate what it takes to have a stable, meaningful, connected, long-term relationship.
”
It’s easy for folks to avoid talking with their partner about what they really need for intimacy.
Oliver describes this common pattern: “You begin chatting with a colleague; the reward center in the brain lights up. One thing leads to another.”
How likely is someone to get away with it?
Of the participants reporting infidelity to Health Testing Centers, about 22% never communicated the relationship to their partners.
Still, an affair can be discovered.
In the 50s, this involved searching coat pockets for romantic restaurant matchboxes or receipts for gifts. Today, phones can be treasure troves of easy access and sometimes graphic information.
Another way people get caught is by contracting an STI — 53% of those who get a sexually transmitted infection by cheating communicated their infidelity.
Oliver says couples tend to visit her in therapy once the affair is over. She adds that cheating affects both partners negatively, creating stress and upheaval, but at different times.
For the one being cheated on
If you feel betrayed, the period post-affair can be a low point — particularly if you discover the cheating after a long period of lying, Oliver says.
If the partner who cheated discloses the infidelity by choice, sharing it honestly, Oliver says she’s seen couples recover much faster.
You may find yourself questioning your identity, even if the affair wasn’t about you.
Worth noting
If you feel as though you’ve lost your identity in a relationship after being cheated on, here’s how you can rediscover your values.
Was this helpful?
For the one cheating
If you’ve cheated and talked to your partner about it, you may be feeling relief. You may feel more atonement than regret.
But this could be salt in a wound to your partner.
You might find it beneficial to the relationship to stay open to questions and concerns, even after you’ve ended the affair and moved on emotionally. Moving forward, it may be good to set expectations of what infidelity means for you both.
Whether you’ve had an affair yourself, or have been cheated on, you’re not alone. And healing is possible.
“Couples can and do recover from affairs,” says Oliver. “Many, many have, and many, many will. Once the affair is over, they can dig into what they’ve been neglecting. It’s important not to feel shame for staying in a relationship after an affair.”
While consciously rebuilding trust works for some married couples, “divorce, also, isn’t the end of the world,” Oliver says. “For some, it can be a doorway into new opportunities.”
Here's Why People Cheat on Those They Love, According to Psychology
Infidelity is one of the most difficult situations a person can face in a relationship and can have serious health consequences for those involved.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and professor at the California State University, Los Angeles, told Newsweek: "The psychological impact of relationship betrayal cannot be understated."
The act can "activate old losses, traumas, betrayals, and raise issues including anxiety, depression and strong grief reactions," she explained.
"We can also see self-blame," a person blaming themselves for their partner's betrayal and "post-traumatic stress reactions," she added.
According to some studies, the victims and perpetrators of infidelity frequently experience "negative intrapersonal outcomes," such as a decline in self-esteem, increased risk of mental health problems, guilt and depression, explained an April 2014 study published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Family Psychology.
Here health experts explain why people cheat, how common infidelity is and how you can recover from it.
A couple in bed with their backs turned from each other. The reasons for infidelity in relationships are complicated and varied. iStock/Getty Images PlusWhy Do People Cheat in Relationships?
One of the many questions that circle the minds of those who have been cheated on is "Why?"
Durvasula said the reasons for infidelity in relationships are "complicated and varied."
Among the common reasons why people cheat in relationships include the following, as outlined by Durvasula and Dr.
Eve Kilmer, a psychologist and certified emotionally focused therapy (EFT) couples therapist based in Boulder, Colorado:
- Low self-esteem (a desire for reassurance that one is desirable).
- Difficulties with emotional intimacy (such as "not being able to bring up emotional needs and the consequent negative feelings getting in the way of loving feelings," said Kilmer).
- Situational or opportunity reasons.
- Impulsivity.
- Excitement seeking.
- Being able to compartmentalize sex and intimacy and their own primary relationship.
- Being able to compartmentalize in general.
- Lack of empathy.
- Novelty seeking.
- Fear around aging.
- Status seeking.
- Acting out.
- Drug and alcohol use.
- Certain personality styles like narcissism and psychopathy.
- Difficulties in the primary relationship/unhappiness in the marriage (not getting your emotional needs met in the relationship and therefore being more vulnerable to interest in others, Kilmer explained).
Durvasula added that some men cheat because of "stupid rationalizations based on human evolution." This refers to a "biological expectation" that men would want multiple partners to maximize reproduction and choose younger partners for "fertility reasons."
The psychologist explained: "It's a flawed argument because while a male could impregnate multiple females, if he can't ensure their safety and feeding—and the progeny doesn't make it to reproductive age—then there is no point. It's just stupid but cheaters will come up with anything to justify."
According to Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Caryl Rusbult and Dr. Shirley Glass at The Gottman Institute, a research group looking at relationships, infidelity begins with a bid for attention.
"When one can't count on their partner to be available in their time of need, it leads to unfavorable comparisons, emotional distance, and eventual betrayal, if not the demise of love," explains Jinashree Rajendrakumar, a certified Gottman couple therapist from India.
According to Gottman, Rusbult and Glass, cheating is preceded by "a cascade of steps" or circumstances that lead to the act of betrayal. These steps include the following:
- Turning away from or turning against your partner.
- Entering a negative state and avoiding conflict.
- Investing less in the relationship and comparing it more with others.
- Feeling less dependent and making fewer sacrifices.
- Trashing vs. cherishing your partner.
- Feeling resentment and loneliness.
- Idealizing alternative relationships.
- Holding secrets and crossing boundaries.
How Common Is Cheating in Relationships?
Studies suggest that around 30 to 40 percent of unmarried relationships and 18 to 20 percent of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity, according to Kilmer.
In the U.S., infidelity impacts around one in three couples, according to the book After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Dr.
Janis A. Spring.
Research from YouGov America reported in June 2015 showed that roughly a fifth of both men (21 percent) and women (19 percent) say they have cheated on a partner.
Durvasula said cheating is "not the norm, but not uncommon," with some estimates as high as 35 to 40 percent among those in long term but non-marital relationships and perhaps closer to 15 to 20 percent among marital relationships.
However, the psychologist noted this research is limited because it may not account for the full range of infidelity, including emotional infidelity, online infidelity, as well as "what sexual or intimate behavior qualifies" as infidelity.
Durvasula also said: "In addition, the research is often heteronormative, and doesn't capture this experience in LGBTQ+ relationships. Numbers vary vastly cross-culturally often as a function of cultural prohibitions and even punishments in different parts of the world and across religions and cultures," she explained.
A woman seen with hands on her face after finding her partner embracing another woman.
According to YouGovAmerica study published in 2015, around fifth of both men and women say they have cheated on their partner. iStock/Getty Images Plus Below are some other statistics about infidelity, according to YouGovAmerica's research.
- A June 2015 study found around 41 percent of men admit they have thought about cheating on their partners, while 39 percent claim they hadn't ever thought about it. Just over half of women (54 percent) say that they've never thought about cheating on their partner, while 28 percent say that they have.
- While both men and women "largely agree" that having sex counts as cheating, women are more likely than men to view other things as infidelity.
- Around 74 percent of women consider "sexting" or "forming an emotional, non-sexual relationship with another person to be cheating, while 59 percent of men also agree.
- While 56 percent of women say you're a cheater if you form an emotional relationship with another person, only 38 percent of men also consider this to be cheating.
Can I Recover From Infidelity in a Relationship?
Whether a person who has been cheated on can recover from the incident depends on several factors.
How the cheater responds
Some of the recovery has to do with "the empathy and contrition of the cheater," Durvasula noted. Are they taking responsibility? Are they able to see the hurt they caused? Are they owning up to it and also committing to addressing it?
"If the cheater has a narcissistic or other antagonistic personality style, recovery is also far less likely because these are manipulative, dismissive and invalidating relationships even when the cheating is not happening," the psychologist said.
The length and nature of the infidelity
The recovery will be impacted how long the infidelity lasted, the emotional vs.
sexual nature of the infidelity and whether the person repeats the betrayal, according to Durvasula.
"It also relates to a person's history of being cheated on or even childhood experiences," she added, such witnessing a parent who was unfaithful to the other parent.
The ultimate fate of the relationship
The recovery will also vary depending on whether the relationship is going to end or keep going.
If it does end, then the recovery will focus on "grief work, healing from the breakup and all the issues of that and doing the healing from the betrayal – therapy is often essential," Durvasula explained.
Kilmer noted that if one chooses to leave the relationship, "therapy can also be helpful if there is a pattern in choosing partners that are unfaithful/distant or if they played a role in creating distance in the relationship."
Turning to others for support (i.e. friends, a divorce support group) helps shrink the painful feelings, she said.
The psychologist recommends the following as part of your recovery if the relationship has ended:
- Seeking social support.
- Self-care.
- "Switching life up," such as by traveling, trying something new, taking on new hobbies or activities.
- Doing the things you couldn't do while you were in the relationship.
"Time is your friend," as the pain of the betrayal and all that comes with it "will dissipate over time," Durvasula noted. "But that said, there is no hard and fast time frame, and having to let go of both the relationship and manage the betrayal can be very difficult."
A commitment to make the relationship work
Deciding you will attempt to work on the relationship and heal comes with another set of challenges, Durvasula warned. It may mean both individual therapy and couples therapy.
Kilmer recommends working with a psychologist who specializes in couples therapy to work through the healing process and regaining trust if a couple chooses to stay in the relationship.
Durvasula said the key thing to remember is that you aren't going back to the relationship you had.
Instead, you're entering "a new relationship with new rules, new expectations and a little bit of a hole in the middle. There is no reset button to go backwards to what once was," she said.
Take your time, the psychologist advised. "You may need to talk it out many many times and if your partner isn't willing to do that patient work, then it may not work out.
"Be gentle with yourself, and understand that it may be two steps forward, one step back. Your partner will have to engage in trust building—whatever that looks like, and that may be the work of couples therapy," Durvasula said.
A couple sitting on the floor near a couch, away from each other. Infidelity is preceded by a cascade of steps that lead to the act of betrayal, such as turning away or turning against your partner.Why do we need to lie | PSYCHOLOGIES
Know Yourself
Key Ideas
- Variable. The truth often depends on the interlocutor, the situation and even our mood.
- Social game.
Lying allows us to respect others... and protect ourselves from them. - A question of priorities. Deception may hide a deeper truth.
Telling the truth has never been so fashionable as it is now. Politicians, oligarchs, artists publicly confess in autobiographies and TV interviews. In style, in the company of friends, say out loud what others only dare to think about. But here's the paradox: the more we hear revelations, the more we doubt the authenticity of these words. And in fact: what could be more dubious than a phrase that begins with the words "to be honest ...".
Everyone has their own truth
“It is hardly possible to be absolutely truthful,” says psychotherapist Margarita Zhamkochyan. - After all, lies are inherent in the very nature of human speech. From the time we began to use words, we are doomed to keep silent about something, to keep something back, since words cannot accurately convey the whole reality.
“Telling the truth, the whole truth, means accurately reflecting the world we live in,” agrees the French psychoanalyst Jean-David Nazio.
“We just interpret it in our own way.”
Therefore, lying? “Rather, it means that truth is generally subjective and depends on our views, beliefs, emotions and ideas,” says psychologist Alexei Sitnikov. “What seems like a lie to one person may be part of his picture of the world for another.”
And really, what do we say to a best friend who asks her to rate her new haircut? Not wanting to deceive, we admit: “She failed”? But someone else will like it, and he will be just as absolutely sincere. However, we ourselves, being in a different mood, could decide that the new hairstyle suits her. Or to admit: it would be more honest to say that the hair is dyed well, or that the haircut makes it look more serious ... It seems that everyone has their own truth at different times.
10 reasons to lie
Psychologist Alexei Sitnikov compiled a list of ten main reasons that encourage us to lie. We deceive in order to:
1. Do no harm to another.
2. Protect those we love.
3. Protect your inner world.
4. Avoid punishment.
5. Get a benefit.
6. To seem better.
7. Have fun.
8. Protect your interests.
9. Get the truth.
10. Out of timidity.
Reflex action
But if we always follow our truth, maybe we will stop deceiving ourselves? “Alas, this is not so,” says Jean-David Nazio, “we are not able not to lie. Of course, sometimes a lie is conscious, and we voluntarily distort the truth, hoping to deceive another. But such cases are still a minority. For the most part, deception is a reflex, instinctive act, designed to protect us.
From what? From violence - physical, moral, material or mental (feelings of shame, loss of faith in one's own strength ...). In short, we often spontaneously cheat in order to protect our relationships with others. In a broad sense, we lie because we are afraid of losing the love of another person.
“Those who prefer to say whatever they think are so sure of themselves that they are not deterred by the fear of losing the love of another,” says the psychoanalyst.
For psychoanalysis, deliberate lies are no worse than truthful words: lies express the truth of our desire
But it is difficult to deceive. “When we do this consciously, internal “sensors” work: the whole body reacts to a real, conscious lie,” explains Margarita Zhamkochyan. We sweat, the pupils dilate, the vocal cords tighten, it becomes difficult to speak. The principle of operation of the polygraph is based on the use of this physiological feature.
But in the course of evolution man has learned to bypass this seemingly insurmountable barrier easily and even elegantly: in order for a lie to look like the truth, it is necessary to believe that it is the truth. This is exactly what “professional liars” do, accustomed to lying all the time. Such people are deceived themselves and can lie for a long time to others. Their confidence in the veracity of their words is so great that sometimes even a lie detector cannot unequivocally assess whether they are telling the truth.
Sign of respect
Thus, the ability to "correct the truth" is a necessary condition for life in any society. In a sense, this is part of social conventions. We greet a colleague: “How are you?” If he decided to tell the whole truth in response, he would speak for a long time and in detail, but he lies, throwing on the go: “Everything is OK. Thank you. And you?" And his words are a sign of attention and respect for us.
“Communicating correctly,” explains Margarita Zhamkochyan, “means taking into account the interests of the other and what he is ready to hear from us.” In other words, it is to be able to lie, or at least not tell the whole truth.
American psychiatrist and psychotherapist Brad Blanton disagrees with his colleagues. He is sure that they are mistaken in asserting that for every truth there is always a lie. He is convinced that only by learning to say aloud everything that comes to our mind, we can know ourselves and others. Getting rid of thoughts and considerations that bother us, in his opinion, is the only way to create genuine relationships with others.
How we learn it
- The ability to deceive appears around the age of 4: the child understands that adults do not know everything about him.
- The discovery of one's own inner world is finally formed by the age of 7. The child learns that he may have secret thoughts and that not all of them need to be spoken out loud. The adults explain: “They don’t talk about it out loud,” and he learns to keep silent about the truth. This is the first form of deception.
- Then the children discover everyday deceit. They notice that they can say one thing instead of another with the same result. So gradually the child learns to play the whole "gamut" of lies - from a lie with good intentions to a joke, passing through a lie for salvation.
Truthful or sincere?
But what's interesting is that lying out of politeness or by default does not prevent us from being sincere. After all, sincerity has little to do with truth: it all depends on what kind of relationship we want to build with another.
“Thus, a husband who is afraid of losing his wife may keep silent about what he once cheated on,” says psychologist Claudine Bilan. “But, having lied, he remains true to what he considers his deepest truth, namely, that he does not want to hurt his wife and does not want to risk losing her.”
Jean-David Nazio recalls that for psychoanalysis, a deliberately false statement is at least as good as a true one. Moreover, "the lie itself expresses the truth - the truth of our desire." Long before Freud, the mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal warned us: "The opposite of truth is not error, but the opposite truth."
About this
- Paul Ekman “Psychology of lies”, Peter, 2018.
- “Logical analysis of language. Truth and Truth in Culture and Language”, Science, 1995.
- Paul Ekman Why Children Lie, Peter, 2017.
Text: Alexander Korobov Photo Source: ALEXANDRA COMPAIN-TISSIER FOR PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE
psychoanalysis
Unhappy marriage: is there a way out other than divorce? 3 ways
Vessels on the face: what to do if they become too noticeable?
“Is it normal that individual employees of the company are allowed absolutely everything?”
8 Questions to Ask Your Therapist Before You Start
Shark vs.
Teddy Bear: How Different Types of People Fight - Check Your Couple
8 Most Creative Glamping Sites in Russia - increase self-confidence
A world in which it is impossible to lie - is it good or bad?
- Rachel Nouver
- BBC Future
Subscribe to our 'Context' newsletter to help you understand events.
Image copyright Getty Images
From childhood, we hear that it's wrong to lie - and yet this is not always the case.
In one of the episodes of the television series "In a Better World", a highly moral professor of philosophy is tormented by a dilemma: whether to honestly tell his colleague what he thinks about his new shoes (and they are terrible!), or pretend that he likes them and does not hurt other people's feelings.
At first, the professor decides to say that he really likes the shoes.
He does just that, but then another kind of torment comes: how could he compromise his high moral principles and tell a lie!
And although the professor's girlfriend tells him "sometimes we have to lie in order not to look impolite", the professor does not calm down and finally tells his colleague everything. The colleague is terribly offended and upset.
So, for the professor and many other philosophers, the obligation not to lie under any circumstances wins over all other moral principles - including the requirement not to hurt other people's feelings.
However, few adhere to such strict rules and are crystal clear in all situations without exception.
Telling lies is accepted in society, it happens to us almost daily, from automatically answering the question "how are you" and ending with the assessment of a friend's or friend's new hairstyle.
Skip Podcast and continue reading.
Podcast
What was that?
We quickly, simply and clearly explain what happened, why it's important and what's next.
episodes
The End of the Story Podcast
And yet, despite the ubiquity of lies in our lives, most of us do not always recognize when we are told a lie.
But what would happen to the world, to our society, if we always clearly understood when we were being lied to?
Let's not now think about what technology or psychological tricks would help achieve this. What is more important is that we then become aware of the often overlooked and greatly underestimated role that lies play in everyday life.
Many researchers believe that people began to lie to each other almost immediately, as soon as they started talking - with the advent of language. For them, it was clearly a way to achieve something.
"Lying is easily compared to other ways of gaining power," Sissela Bock, an ethicist at Harvard University, told National Geographic magazine.
"After all, it is much easier to lie in order to take someone else's money or property than to hit someone on the head or rob a bank."
In addition, according to Michael Lewis, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at Rutgers University (USA), throughout human history, lying has served as an "evolutionary necessity to protect oneself from danger."
Including for protection from punishment - for which it is still used by many in various countries.
If all of us suddenly had the ability to accurately detect lies, then life in some states would become extremely risky (in those, for example, where infidelity, homosexuality or certain religious beliefs are considered illegal).
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Lying is an essential part of human communication, even when it comes to your hair
It is also profitable for us to lie when the stakes are not so high - for example, at work.
If we tell our boss to his face what we think about him, or honestly admit what exactly prevented us from completing the work on time, then we will be demoted, or even fired.
We lie even when we want to look better in the eyes of our colleagues. For example, saying that we were late because of the poor work of the subway, although in fact the reason is our own sluggishness.
On the other hand, there are times at work when we'd better know when we're being lied to, says Clark Freshman, a professor of law at the University of California, Hastings.
For example, by asking the right questions in a negotiation with superiors and getting answers that are undeniably sincere, workers belonging to, say, ethnic or other minorities can negotiate a fair salary or position.
"For me, a world where people always know the truth that matters to them personally would be a wonderful world," says Freshman. "There would be less discrimination and more equality.
"
But at the same time we would have a world in which many things would hurt our feelings.
For most of us, a world without lies would mean a blow to our image, says Dan Ariely, professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University.
"Living in a world of truth means that you have to be more honest about everything, that at work you will be told the truth to your face, that friends and acquaintances, and just random people you meet will be honest with you in how you look in their eyes - and your way of dressing, and the way you kiss, for example," he says.
"You will realize that people do not pay much attention to you, you are not so important to them, and your professional qualifications in their eyes are not that high," notes Ariely.
On the other hand, an absolutely honest opinion of others can help you become better, motivate you to educate yourself. But whether it's worth it, Ariely isn't sure.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Lying can save people living in countries where their lifestyle or religious beliefs are illegal and lead to severe punishment
All these attacks on self-esteem will begin almost immediately after the child learns to speak - and it is very difficult to say which way the child's development will go.
Imagine such a scene. The child runs to his parents: "Dad, mom, look what I drew!" - and gets an honest answer: "It's terrible!"
It is easy to imagine how this will affect the child. The innocent joy of children's games, pranks, the serenity of this important period of life for every person will be lost. Neither you Santa Claus, nor wizards ... After all, they do not exist - you have to tell the truth.
Children's innate curiosity will very quickly lead them to understand the cruelty of the world - and this is not necessarily a positive thing.
Children themselves at a fairly early age learn the social value of lies.
"Mom might warn you: 'Grandma is going to give you a birthday present and you have to tell her you like it or she'll be offended,'" explains Lewis. are already learning the art of lying out of politeness.0003
Scientists have also found that the ability to lie brings children certain advantages in understanding the world.
By the time we become adults, lying becomes an integral part of our lives. We tell lies all the time.
In a 1996 study, Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, found that students lie in one out of every three social encounters, and older adults do so in one out of every five.
"In many cases of lying in everyday life, people pretend to be more positive than they really are," writes DePaulo in PsychCentral.
"If they don't like you, they try to hide it. If they are bored with what you say, they try to make an interested face.
"
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,During the 2016 presidential campaign, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was dishonest in 32% of her statements (Trump's was 70%)
Indeed, it would be a real disaster for interpersonal relationships if it were visible when we are told a lie, Lewis emphasizes. “Lying is an absolute necessity in the culture of a society in which it is believed that you should not hurt anyone's feelings.”
And in this the parties play along. deceive us. company and food
Of course, this may end up with us being invited back as guests, says Lewis, but that's the cost of sparing other people's feelings.
In a world without such polite lies, many friendships would fall apart, professional relationships would become extremely strained, and some family gatherings would turn into a nightmare.
Even our most romantic relationship is bound to lie.
In the now classic 1989 study by Sandra Metts of the University of Illinois, only 33 out of 390 people could not remember a situation in which they were "not quite truthful" with a loved one.
Similarly (in a 2013 study), Jennifer Guthrie and Adrianne Kunkel of the University of Kansas found that only two out of 67 participants didn't cheat on their romantic partners for just one week.
In both studies, most people said they were dishonest only to avoid hurting their loved one and damaging relationships.
It is unlikely that many relationships would have remained the same if we knew the whole truth about our partner - at least what he really thinks, looking at us in the morning.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Vote Leave, who campaigned for Britain's exit from the EU, is accused of distorting official statistics
However, there are areas of life in which the ability to separate truth from falsehood would be very useful.
Imagine: it would be very easy for us to identify all the pathological liars and those who constantly lie, while having no merit to society, Lewis points out.
Pathological liars are often narcissists whose need for self-deception is fueled by an absolute rejection of shame.
Sometimes they themselves believe in their own lies - even if it contradicts all known facts or their own statements made earlier.
According to Lewis, the classic example is Donald Trump. "His tendency to self-deception is so great that he simply does not realize that he is lying," says the scientist.
Of course, politicians cheating is nothing new, says Vian Bakir, professor of journalism and political communications at Bangor University, Wales.
Even Plato recognized the virtues of "noble lies," she notes, and in Machiavelli's classic The Prince, deceit plays an important role in political leadership.
All this is true, however, as Bakir emphasizes, "in recent years, lies have overwhelmed politics."
"What is especially bad about today is that in some prominent politicians like Trump, Vladimir Putin and others like them, who think that the people like a "strong hand", shameless lies have become a habit and ingrained, and they don't care at all about being exposed.
"
According to the non-governmental website PolitiFact, which checks politicians' statements (owned by the non-profit Poynter Institute, which investigates the work of the media), 70% of Donald Trump's statements during the campaign were mostly false - compared to 32% of Hillary Clinton).
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,We often blame our tardiness on the poor performance of public transport - it's more convenient for us...
Public organizations can lie outright, too, she adds. Thus, Vote Leave, which campaigned for Britain's exit from the EU, has repeatedly argued that EU membership costs the United Kingdom more than 350 million pounds a week. The British Office of Statistics later called it "an outright misrepresentation of official statistics."
"Given that this statement is not only untrue, but also a serious and well-thought-out part of the campaign, it is fair to say that there was a deliberate deceit behind it," says Bakir.
Despite ample evidence of the dishonesty of this or that politician, this or that political group, their support by a certain part of the spectrum of voters is not weakening.
Bakir points out that, according to research, those who are deeply convinced of the veracity of disinformation are extremely difficult to convince. She adds that a person is generally inclined to believe in those things that confirm his view of the world.
But in a world where people could automatically recognize a lie - themselves, without extraneous arguments, support for dishonest politicians fell, they would be on the sidelines.
"Many Trump supporters think he's being slandered, that he's not really lying," says Freshman.
"But if people had the ability to see for themselves that they are being lied to, then I think many of them would stop looking for excuses for their idol."
A world without lies would plunge international relations and diplomacy into chaos.
But in the end, citizens would benefit from the fact that this would lead to more honest politics and power.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,We sometimes lie to avoid offending the people who have been welcoming and hospitable to us
The same is true in law enforcement and criminal justice.
Police violence and bias would be reduced - suspects would simply be asked direct questions, and a similar simple guilt procedure would replace lawsuits.
It is impossible to foresee all the benefits and all the negative consequences of a lie suddenly becoming visible to the naked eye. But this new world will certainly not be like the one we now live in.
However, people get used to everything. "Over time," says Bakir, "we will develop new social norms and a code of conduct acceptable to all in society."
At the same time, she continues, we are likely to do our best to come up with new ways to deceive each other - either through technology or through drugs, special behaviors or psychological preparation, since deception is a life need.
