Books on adhd and relationships

Top 5 Books For Loving A Person with ADHD | Kids Health

ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder affects nearly 11% of children in the Western hemisphere with more boys than girls being diagnosed and treated. Popularly understood as a childhood mental health issue ADHD is in fact often diagnosed first in children, where behavior and learning challenges prompt the search for specialized treatment, and remains with a person throughout their life. Fully one third of children diagnosed with ADHD, one of the more common neuro-developmental disorders, will retain their symptoms into adulthood and 41 – 55% of families with a child with ADHD has at least one parent who also has the disorder.

In adults ADHD is found to exist alongside other mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, even Bi-Polar Disorder, which makes it extremely difficult to isolate and treat effectively as the symptoms often ‘blend in to each other.’ Adults are also more likely to abandon the medications and treatments they received as children preferring to manage their ADHD with alternative approaches or simply no approach at all.

Being in an intimate relationship with an adult who lives with ADHD has specific challenges – ones that require the person without ADHD to be a social buffer, perhaps a parent rather than a partner and a supreme organizer all to simply enjoy a successful connection.

If this is you – we want to help you succeed – here is our Top 5 List of Books for Loving A Person with ADHD.

*All Book descriptions are sourced from

1) The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps
by Melissa Orlov (Author), Edward M. Hallowell (Foreword)

Awarded “Best Psychology Book of 2010” by ForeWord Reviews, this book is an invaluable resource for couples in which one of the partners suffers from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It authoritatively guides couples in troubled marriages towards an understanding and appreciation for the struggles and triumphs of a relationship affected by ADHD, and to look at the disorder in a more positive and less disruptive way. Going beyond traditional marriage counseling which can often discount the influence of ADHD, this straight-forward discussion offers advice from the author’s personal experience and years of research and identifies patterns of behavior that can hurt marriages —such as nagging, intimacy problems, sudden anger, and memory issues —through the use of vignettes and descriptions of actual couples and their ADHD struggles and solutions. This resource encourages both spouses to become active partners in improving their relationship and healing the fissures that ADHD can cause. Also included are worksheets and various methods for difficult conversations so that couples can find a technique that fits their unique relationship and improve their communication skills.

2) Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit DisorderPaperback – August 31, 2008
by Gina Pera (Author), Russell Barkley (Foreword)

Winner of four national book awards, including Foreword Magazine’s Psychology Book of the Year!
The science has been clear since 1994, when Adult AD/HD was declared a medical diagnosis. Still, the public harbors misconceptions, and that means millions suffer needlessly. And that includes millions of couples who can’t understand why their lives together are so hard — sometimes despite many attempts at couples therapy.
Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD. Yet we misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, selfishness, or moodiness. Moreover, we assume AD/HD means “little boys with ants in their pants.” In fact, childhood hyperactivity goes “underground” as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state. (By the way, the former, and still better-known, official term is ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity. The new term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not central to the diagnosis.)

Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people–and a joyous opportunity for a better life.

3) The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD Paperback – April 1, 2014, by Melissa Orlov (Author), Nancie Kohlenberger LMFT (Author)

More and more often, adults are realizing that the reason they are struggling so much in their relationship is that they are impacted by previously undiagnosed adult ADHD. Learning how to interact around ADHD symptoms is often the difference between joy together and chronic anger and frustration. So The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD lays out the most important strategies couples can use – right now – to rebuild trust, fight less, disagree more productively, get the attention they deserve, and rebuild intimacy in their relationship. These are strategies honed over years of working specifically with couples impacted by ADHD, and demonstrated to change lives for the better. ‘Thrive’ is the go-to book for couples struggling with ADHD who want to actively work to improve their relationship.

4) When an Adult You Love Has ADHD: Professional Advice for Parents, Partners, and SiblingsPaperback – September 15, 2016
by Russell A. Barkley PhD (Author)

In this book ADHD expert Dr. Russell Barkley explains the science behind ADHD and how you can tell if your spouse, partner, friend, adult child, or sibling may have it. He shows how to guide your loved one toward the right treatment, and what to do if he or she doesn’t want treatment.

Adults with ADHD can be successful, achieve their goals, and live out big dreams and you can help. You can set boundaries to manage your own emotional and financial stress, too. Here you will learn practical steps for helping your loved one accept and manage their disorder, and pursue paths in life where ADHD might not pose such a big problem.

5) The ADHD Marriage Workbook: A User-Friendly Guide to Improving Your RelationshipPaperback – March 1, 2012
by Michael T Bell (Author)

Michael T. Bell, Ph.D has been working with couples affected by ADHD since 1999. He also has ADHD himself. In The ADHD Marriage Workbook, he draws from his own successful problem-solving as an ADHD adult and husband.

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