Introverted homeschool mom

Not Your Average Advice for the Introverted Homeschool Mom

Inside: Are you an introverted homeschool mom or an introverted mom considering homeschooling? Learn all the ways homeschooling can actually be a great choice for introverts, and get practical advice for how you can thrive as an introverted homeschool mom (not just survive).

I have 5 kids – ages 9 to newborn. I homeschool and work from home.

I’m at home, with my kids, pretty much all day, every day.

I’m also an introvert.

Surprised? You might not believe I’m an introvert because I genuinely enjoy being around people.

But that’s not what being an introvert is really about. It’s about where you get your energy, and introverted moms get their energy from being alone.

So how on earth does an introverted homeschool mom manage to stay sane when she’s with people all.day.long?

And is homeschooling even a good choice for an introverted mom?

Related: The Best Practical Gifts for Homeschool Moms

Should Introverted Moms Choose to Homeschool?

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Before I jump into all the things that will keep an introverted homeschool mom from losing her ever loving mind, I’m going to address the elephant in the room, the question many people silently ask they hear an introverted mom chose to homeschool (cue the “you’re absolutely crazy” face).

Is it really a good choice for an introverted mom to homeschool?

When moms are considering homeschooling, one of the most commonly asked question is, “How do you handle being around your kids all day?” And that’s from extraverted and introverted moms alike.

So when introverted moms not only love alone time, but actually need it to be emotionally and mentally healthy, that question becomes even more legitimate.

If you’re an introverted homeschool mom and thinking of quitting homeschooling, or an introverted mom considering homeschooling, but not sure it’s the best idea, you need to know that not only is it possible to homeschool as an introverted homeschool mom, but there are actually significant benefits for introverted moms.

3 Benefits of Homeschooling for Introverted Moms

1. You control your schedule.

Here’s the thing many new homeschool moms don’t take full advantage of: you decide your schedule.

You don’t have to join a homeschool co-op. Many homeschool moms opt out for a variety of reasons.

You don’t have to sign your kids up for a bajillion extracurricular activities if you don’t want to. They may actually benefit from doing less.

You don’t have to do every single subject, every single day. You decide when to do everything.

You can choose to take a day off after a busy day seeing tons of people.

You can choose to have your kids do an hour of rest time every day.

Introverts often thrive doing less and having the ability to build in time to recuperate after particularly busy, people-filled days. Homeschooling offers you that freedom: use it.

2. You don’t need to get multiple kids out the door on time every single day.

One of the primary reasons I chose to homeschool was to live a slower pace of life. Waking up babies from naps, so I could pick up a child from school didn’t appeal to me (there was no freaking way I was putting a child younger than 10 on a public school bus).

I also didn’t want a life where that involved getting four plus little people dressed and out the door with everything they needed five days a week.

Doing that once a week for church was stressful enough. I didn’t need that stress almost every day of the week.

Homeschooling allows for slower mornings and more time to get from one place to the next.

3. Homeschooling offers more time to develop relationships with and connect with your kids.

Some people think we’re crazy for having a big family. Both my husband and I are introverts, him far more so than I, and I do admit that it’s extremely draining at times.

However, introverts also prefer having a few deep relationships, instead of multiple shallow relationships. Most of us despise small talk, favoring in-depth conversations instead.

Family is the perfect place to develop those long-term, in-depth relationships. It’s the perfect place to feel safe, comfortable, and able to be yourself.

Homeschooling provides far more time to cultivate those deep relationships. They can develop naturally over time, instead of feeling pressured to fit in relationship development around school hours.

The One Thing Introverted Homeschool Moms Need Above All Else

It IS possible to thrive as an introverted homeschool mom, but the key to thriving and facing all the challenges is having a rock-solid, non-negotiable reason to homeschool.

Why are you homeschooling?

Your reason needs to be really, really compelling, like get you out of bed in the morning kind of compelling.

I’ve heard some homeschool moms talk about their reasons, and I’m going to shoot straight: they aren’t very compelling. They’re downright wishy-washy.

And the second it gets too hard, those reasons will evaporate like mist in the sun.

I can give you all the tips and tricks in the world to make being an introverted homeschool mom work, but they won’t help you stay the course when life gets hard in addition to the whole introverted mom thing.

Put aside the fact that the little cherubs that are your children tend to sap every last drop of your introverted mom energy.

The minute you add one more thing to your plate? One more added stress?

You’ll snap, and off you’ll march to fill out that school enrollment paperwork.

My personal reason? I’ve read enough books that traditional education is totally ruined for me. On the days when life gets hard, and I long for quiet days to my introverted mom self, I am able to quickly (or eventually, depending how hard the season of life is) dismiss it.

I believe unequivocally that my kids’ curiosity, love of learning, and time for self-discovery needs protecting far more than I need alone time.

That conviction kept me homeschooling, even during ridiculously difficult seasons. You need a why that’s an anchor.

If you don’t have one yet, it’s time to do some reading and some soul-searching. When you have your reason, write it down and hang it on your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator.

Your “why” needs to be somewhere you can see it every day.

You can bookmark this list of books I think every homeschool mom should read for later. Some of my favorites on this list helped me determine my “anchor reasons”.

6 Practical Tips for the Introverted Homeschool Mom

1. Invest in your sanity.

I list this first because I recently started taking this advice myself. For a long time, I was trying to work from home, homeschool, and juggle a newborn all by myself.

My husband’s job is stressful, and he’s an extreme introvert himself who sees people all day multiple days a week. He helps as much as he can.

His help will never be enough to alleviate all that stress.

I finally bit the bullet and hired a babysitter every other week for four hours a week.

For a long time, we really couldn’t afford it. During those seasons, swapping childcare with a mom friend was my go-to as we don’t have family nearby.

But now, when it’s actually a financial possibility, I still resisted spending money on babysitting for a long time. There were sooo many other ways I wanted to spend that money. I eventually realized that I was on the fast track for burnout if I didn’t invest in alone time.

It’s been well worth the investment.

Maybe you have family nearby you can ask to watch your kids, or maybe you can childcare swap. Find a creative way to make it happen.

2. Resist the temptation to overschedule.

At first, you will need to experiment with your schedule in order to find your sweet spot. I’ve found that when I have more than two activities in a week, I am completely exhausted.

Try adding and subtracting week to week and see how you feel.

One of the most difficult parts of being an introverted homeschool mom is the tension between a strong desire to interact with adults versus the reality that those interactions are likely to completely wipe you out.

Certain events will sound appealing at first, because: having an actual, in person conversation with an actual adult! It sounds amazing, and it can be….sometimes.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way several times that as much as I need that adult interaction, I need to be extremely selective about who those adults are.

Coffee with a close friend or a playdate with her and her kids are far more worth your while than a random homeschool park meet-up with tons of chit-chat and no real connection.

3. Ditch the clutter.

Some homeschool moms can homeschool with a crazy house. They don’t mind it being perpetually messy and cluttered.

I’m not one of them, and I bet you aren’t either.

Studies have shown time and again that clutter increases stress. I have a hunch that clutter stresses introverted moms out far more than their extroverted mom counterparts.

Not only that, but clutter steals your time and your energy. And if there’s anything introverted homeschool moms need more of, it’s time and energy.

Before I became a minimalist mom, I couldn’t fathom having the time and energy to homeschool. Decluttering gave me back the time and energy I needed not only to homeschool, but also to work from home.

Make time to declutter. Take a week off of homeschooling: it’s that important.

These posts can get you moving in the right direction:

Where to Start Decluttering (when you’re too overwhelmed to start)
Quick and Easy Decluttering Tips to See Progress Fast
5 Decluttering Questions to Use Instead of “Does It Spark Joy?”
8 Tips for Decluttering on a Low Income (from a mom who’s been there)

4.

Embrace technology.

I’m going to be real about screens and media: my kids watch more than their fair share.

In the mornings, my three-year-old gets one show choice, and my big kids rotate through choosing on educational show. That morning time guarantees me the ability to drink an entire cup of coffee in peace and get a little time to myself.

I don’t wake up before my kids because I’ve been pregnant or nursing pretty much constantly for ten years. Maybe one day, I will, but for now, t.v. gives me a blessed 30-45 minutes of peace and quiet in the mornings that I desperately need.

Then, in the evenings, they get another 30 minutes of screen time each. We also watch Curiosity Stream and movies together.

I need breaks, alone time, work time. Sometimes, they occupy themselves or play outside. Sometimes, I turn on the t.v. or give them extra video game time.

And can I just tell you how much they learn from t.v.? My kids know more about animals from Wild Kratts than I could possibly teach them in the same amount of time.

I’m also not shy about putting on a show for my absolutely crazy three-year-old boy, so I can do what I need to do without worrying he’s off breaking a leg somewhere.

Embrace technology: it’s a gift for introverted homeschool moms, especially. Forget what every “I don’t let my kids watch t.v.” mom says.

Put your blinders on, and you do you.

(And until you have that money to invest in yourself? T.V. isn’t a bad babysitter.)

Related: The Case for Unlimited ScreentIme from a Recovering Control Freak

5. Focus and simplify as much as possible.

I don’t know about you, but one of the most difficult parts of homeschooling as an introvert is splitting my focus. For a long time, I tried to cover several subjects in one day, and it totally drained me. The same was true in my work.

A couple weeks ago, I decided to split up my work into tasks. One day, I work solely on writing, another scheduling my posts to social media, another e-mail.

It was life-changing. I felt SO accomplished in the same amount of work time. I was getting more done, and I no longer felt like I was struggling to keep up.

I’m trying the same thing in our homeschool, and so far? I love it.

Each day has a focus. One day is life skills/home management (read: cleaning the house), one day history, another math. We go all in on that subject for anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. We do group work first, and then I work individually with my oldest as necessary.

We still cover other subjects in a day just by living life (because homeschooling is a lifestyle), but my focused, formal school time is one subject a day. That may not work for you, but I encourage you to brainstorm other ways you can add focus to your days.

Related: Minimalist Homeschooling for the Overwhelmed Mom

6. Learn to distinguish between non-negotiables and ideals.

I highly value reading aloud, and when I first read about the power of reading aloud, I had visions of family read-alouds that went smoothly and everyone loved it.

And that worked…when it was just me and my oldest after my boys were all in bed (three at the time). When staying up super late with her stopped working because of a newborn, I attempted read-alouds during the day with everyone (including the crazy three-year old).

The interruptions drove me absolutely bonkers. After about five minutes, I threw in the towel, completely exhausted.

Now, two of my boys listed to an audiobook in bed every night for 30-45 minutes. I read one-on-one with my three-year-old at night, and one-on-one with my oldest during the day.

My non-negotiable is reading aloud, but I had to let go of the ideal that I would read to everyone, every day, for 30-40 minutes at a time. With our family dynamics and my introversion, it is impossible.

Audiobooks and one-on-one reading are how I make my non-negotiable happen, and I’ve let go of my ideal in this season with so many little ones.

For now, I save our group reading aloud time for our actual homeschooling (Story of the World and Life of Fred Math). The three-year-old gets a show unless by some miracle he is quietly occupying himself, and I give rewards for listening without interruptions to the older three.

Sometimes you need to let go of the ideal in order to make the non-negotiable happen on a consistent and sustainable basis.

Related: 20 Best Chapter Book Read-Alouds According to Homeschool Moms

The Best Medicine for Introverted Homeschool Moms

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself as an introverted mom is to learn more about your personality.

You need to learn how you’re wired, and be assured that who you are is pretty freaking awesome.

You need someone to tell you the strengths of your personality, when in motherhood, sometimes all you can see are your weaknesses. It’s also so helpful to have someone who’s been there give you strategies and advice for how to be your best self as an introverted mom.

That’s why I was so excited to read an advanced copy of Jamie Martin’s new book The Introverted Mom. I know Jamie from Simple Homeschool, a blog I’ve been reading since I started homeschooling.

Jamie not only knows about introverted moms, but as a veteran homeschool mom herself, she’s the perfect person to learn from! I absolutely loved reading this book.

I felt understood and known, especially as an introverted homeschool mom, because I knew Jamie had walked the same road. I was assured yet again that as an introverted mom, I have so much to offer my kids.

The Introverted Mom releases May 7^th, and if you pre-order the book, Jamie is offering $75 worth of free bonuses specifically designed for introverted moms (request them HERE)!

(Please note that Jamie is a Christian, and this book is written from a Christian perspective.)

Additional Reading for the Introverted Homeschool Mom

Here is a list of more resources that have been SO helpful in understanding my personality as a whole. I hope you find them helpful as well!

MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Parenting Strengths
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking
The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery
StrengthsFinder 2. 0
Intovert, Dear (a blog for introverts)

Final Thoughts on Being an Introverted Homeschool Mom

As introverted homeschool moms, we have so much to offer our kids.

With a little strategic planning, creativity, and a whole lot of experimenting, homeschooling can be the most fulfilling choice you can possibly make.

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Embracing Our Strengths as Introverted Homeschool Moms

Are you an introvert? Being introverted homeschool moms can be a struggle. But there are also strengths and encouragement in our quiet ways.

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Introverted Homeschool Moms

Motherhood is beautiful; motherhood is hard. All moms understand this paradoxical truth. Yet introverted mothers face unique challenges. ” Jamie Martin, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

I’m always looking for someplace quiet.

The constant noise and talking wear me out. Homeschooling two extroverted and intense kiddos take its toll.

I need time to recover and renew after outings. Sometimes one or two days!

That Valentine’s Day party I took the kids to that had thirty other attendees? Kids running around hopped up on cookies and chocolate. Yelling and chaos ensued.

Yeah, I needed a nap after that! At least our dog appreciated my need to re-charge.

I need alone time.

My introverted nature challenges me throughout motherhood. For years I felt guilt over how I was wired. Why did outings wear me out? Extracurriculars are exhausting, folks. I see other moms going from one activity to another and never seem to miss a beat. It’s draining just watching them!

Then I start to feel insecure. What is wrong with me?

Don’t compare your season of planting seeds with another mom’s season of harvesting them.” Jamie Martin, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

Nothing.

Nothing is wrong with me. There is nothing sub-par about my abilities to handle life or homeschool my children. I am simply an introvert.

Embracing Our Strengths as Introverted Homeschool Moms

Being introverted is not something to outgrow; it is something to accept and grow into–and even cherish.” Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

I am learning to accept my introversion.

Yet, I am also a highly sensitive person. This means that on top of my introversion I am also easily overwhelmed because of a sensitive nervous system. Sights, smells, sounds, and chaos, in general, can all send me into sensory overload.

A double whammy.

The chaos of that Valentine’s day party almost did me in, folks.

It was so peopley!

Yet, everywhere I turn are articles and books on tips for dealing with the challenges of introversion. Tips for how to self-care as an introvert. These are all well and good and even welcomed, because they are important!

Exhaustion is a real challenge for introverts.

But as an introvert, I have strengths too.

1. Prepared

Introverts recognize their unique challenges and thus learn how to prepare ahead of time. We pay attention.

This comes in handy for all things homeschool-related.

Going to have a day full of socialization and extracurriculars? Introverts prepare by having a meal in the crockpot and planned quiet time once they get back home. Then they can decompress from the days’ activities and the family is still functioning. I call this planning buffer time.

This can mean planning quiet time, nap time, or simply sticking to our routines and rhythms each day.

Sometimes it means keeping a stash of chocolate in the bathroom!

The same goes for our kids. We tend to anticipate when they need downtime or social time based on their personalities and emotions.

We are excellent at acknowledging needs beforehand and planning how to handle them accordingly.

2. Listening

I think listening is definitely a superpower of introverts.

Introverts tend to listen more than they talk.

This is perfect when raising or homeschooling extroverted children! Plus, we want our children to know that they can always come to us and tell us any and everything. We will listen and listening is a cornerstone in building our family relationships.

But don’t mistake our quiet for lack of knowledge.

Introverts can hold their own in a conversation especially when conversations are big, comprehensive, and detailed.

Though, afterward, we may need to have some quiet time to recuperate from all the talking. It just depends on the introvert.

3. Thinking

As introverted moms, we take our thoughtful insights and offer them back to our families as gifts that would never exist otherwise.” Jamie Martin, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

We, introverted mothers, are always thinking and processing the world around us. What could go wrong? What could go right? We may think of every scenario possible!

Introverts process things internally and alone as opposed to externally with loads of people.

We tend to think things through BEFORE acting. This is super helpful when homeschooling.

Brain dumps help to get all of those thought out of our heads so we can sort through them more efficiently. When my husband asks me what I’m thinking, I always say I have seventy-seven computer tabs open in my brain. Which tab is he interested in?

4. Creative

Introverted homeschool moms have a unique curiosity about them. Perhaps it’s because we have such vast interests. We are also usually surrounded by books and other forms of the printed word. This has huge advantages as we go along our homeschool journey.

Our children are exposed to a rich world in far-off places. One of my very favorite things in the world is reading aloud to my children. When they were smaller, they would curl up in my lap and listen with eyes sparkling.

Now that they are older, they sit next to me. But their eyes still sparkle as I read aloud with passion and excitement. I make every character unique with their own voice. I love that the books give our family a connection and afterward, conversations.

Being creative doesn’t mean introverts just like to read. There is any number of creative hobbies that introverted moms enjoy: photography, writing, gardening, sewing, art, etc.

I actually enjoy all those things.

We are also very creative when it comes to problem-solving! My kiddo isn’t grasping fractions? What creative ways can we approach this subject? Manipulatives, games, books, and videos can all be great out-of-the-box ideas!

5. Calm

When our quiet nature collides with our often loud role, frustration and guilt result.” Jamie Martin, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

Introverts are known for their quiet calm exteriors. While we do enjoy the occasional adventure, we tend to be most refreshed by being alone and in our own space. It’s important to have that space to replenish ourselves. Recharging helps us to keep our tranquility. Otherwise, we become irritable and frustrated.

Our pacific temperaments make us wonderful homeschool moms as we raise and educate our little ones.

When we are calm, we can be a more emotionally generous parents to our young charges even when they are grumbling. Thus, I believe that a refreshed and calm introverted mom can provide a wonderfully gentle and inspirational homeschool environment.

An Introverted Mom

You already have every trait you need to be the best unique mother for your unique kids.” Jamie Martin, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy

The new book I’m reading, Introverted Mom: Your Guide to More Calm, Less Guilt, and Quiet Joy, has been a game-changer for me. I devoured it in a single afternoon. Each page was validation that indeed there was nothing wrong with me. Jamie Martin has such a beautiful way of expressing all the thoughts and feeling we introverted homeschool moms have felt over the years.

This book is exactly the encouragement I needed. I laughed, cried, and said “aha!” with each chapter. I love that it reminds me to let go of the mommy guilt, embrace my introversion, and to look after my needs. Rest and self-care are key, but let’s remember to celebrate our introverted strengths too.

*For my secular readers: The Introverted Mom book is quite religious, but still a great encouragement to introverts*

Are you an introvert? What do you think are your introvert strengths?

Read online “Mom is an introvert. How to find the strength to communicate with a child?”, Dina Adams - LitRes

Hello, beautiful mother in the world!

If you picked up this book, then you want to become better for yourself and for your child. You are a big guy.

Let me introduce myself first. My name is Dina. And I'm an introvert. I have two wonderful children. They are very active and inquisitive fidgets. They need an eye for an eye.

But I don't have enough strength for them at all. I'm ashamed to admit it, but sometimes I don't want to communicate with them. I just get really tired of them. And, of course, I feel guilty before them.

However, I do not consider myself a useless mother. After all, I love my children and wish them only the best. I think that a tired and irritable mother has a bad effect on them. Therefore, I am constantly working on myself.

And I invite you to join me. I'm sure we can get better together. To do this, you must first know yourself.

Do you consider yourself an introvert who does not like large crowds, and excessive childish sociability drains you? It's not a problem. You don't need to remake yourself. Just learn to accept yourself for who you are.

I'll be happy to help you with this. That is why I wrote this book.

So let's get started.

Chapter 1. How do I know if I'm really an introvert mom?

Sometimes bright extroverts need a break from excessive communication. This is fine. And it happens that an introvert craves communication. This is also normal.

So, how do you know if you are an introvert or not? Let's find out together.

1.1. What is an introvert?

An introvert is a person immersed in his inner world. It differs in that it is most immersed in its thoughts rather than in communication.

But this does not mean that an introvert does not like communication. This is not true. Just an introvert likes to listen and observe people. But at the same time, whenever possible, he tries to avoid large crowds of people. Especially with strangers.

An introvert opens up to a person whom he completely trusts. If attached to people, then for a long time. He is a good and loyal friend.

An introvert can be dreamy. Likes to fantasize about the future, about an ideal life, or how he would live if he were an extrovert.

Carefully plans his actions. Spontaneity is not about him. Patient and able to control emotions. Because of what it can sometimes be considered cold and even gloomy.

An introvert is very attentive to his relatives and friends. He almost always has advice for any occasion in life.

He is rather vulnerable. It can hold a grudge for a long time, twist unpleasant memories in your head. However, an introvert is not particularly dependent on the opinions of others. Because he doesn't want to please everyone.

An introvert is a diligent and responsible worker. He knows how to focus, so he achieves his goals.

People may think that an introvert is a quiet, modest and very shy person who is afraid to leave the house. But of course it is not.

Yes, an introvert likes to be alone with himself, with his thoughts. But he also loves to explore the world around him and discover new things. Perhaps that is why many famous people are introverts.

For example, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Michael Jordan, Steven Spielberg, Keanu Reeves, Lady Gaga, Johnny Depp. All of them are bright representatives of introverts.

1.2. Psychological characteristics of an introverted mother

There are people who are wary of introverted mothers. I would even say suspiciously.

For those around us, we are either gloomy and unsociable, who hold our children in a vice. Or we are just stupidly indifferent, who are too lazy to deal with a child.

I am familiar with such situations. Once, a classmate of my eldest son came to visit us along with his mother. We sat down and chatted. We played with the children in the yard. And Ann (my son's classmate's mom) says, "I thought you didn't like people."

Yes, that's exactly what she said. I was confused. But she laughed it off, saying that I thought all normal people had died out, but it turned out not. We laughed and are still friends today.

Why this story? I want to say that being an introvert is normal. It's not some kind of psychological disorder. A special way of thinking. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. And you don’t need to force yourself to change yourself towards an extrovert.

Accept yourself as you are. But remember about your psychological characteristics.

First, we are extremely jealous of our personal space. We don't let everyone in there. Therefore, others think that earning the trust of an introvert is a long and thorny path.

That's right. But do not wear a mask of incredulity in everything. You are mom. Your excessive distrust can spoil the child. He is inquisitive, everything is interesting to him, right? So let the child explore the world freely. And all that is required of you is to be there and love him for who he is.

Of course, you can warn. To give advice. But don't set too narrow boundaries. Remember, a child's world is much wider than ours. It is we who, as adults, limit ourselves to certain limits. But becoming a mother, we get the opportunity to expand our world again.

Secondly, we are vulnerable beings. If we are hurt to the quick, then we will not forgive so easily. And very in vain. After all, without forgiving and releasing our grievances, we accumulate all the negative baggage in ourselves. Perhaps because of this, we seem gloomy and unsociable. Learn to forgive and let go of grudges.

And the last thing I would like to say is that we, as introverts, have great potential. We have hidden leadership qualities. Yes exactly. We can be leaders. And very good ones too. But in order to realize this potential, we need to learn how to contact with others and forget the bad.

We have a rich inner world. So why keep it to yourself? After all, we are mothers. And we can share our knowledge with our children. They will only say "thank you". But without imposition. Remember, the child himself has the right to choose how to live.

Just lead by example. Show how you step over yourself, your weaknesses and become better. To do this, it is not necessary to become at the helm of a leadership position. It is enough to become a leader in your life.

things to look out for ❗️☘️ ( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)

Contents

What's the difference between an introvert and an extrovert?
What happens when introverts become mothers?
Strengths of introverted mothers
1. Ability to radiate calmness
2. The ability to “let go” of the child in time
3. The ability to listen carefully
4. It is rarely boring with you
What can be difficult for an introverted mother
1. Small talk
2. A lot of noise and fuss
3. Extrovert children

Being an introvert, you can be just as good a mother as an extrovert (and vice versa). Your strengths and weaknesses are just different. No personality trait is "better" than another as such. However, as a more introverted type, you should be aware that you have different needs and therefore need to use different strategies than those used by extroverts to balance motherhood and self in a healthy way.

See also: “You make yourself an outsider” - why parents should not worry that they are raising an introverted child

Introvert and extrovert: what is the difference?

Extroverts get their energy from interacting with other people. If you spend too much time alone, you will quickly feel drained, irritable, and bored.

Introverts, on the other hand, draw energy from themselves, from their own ideas and thoughts, and therefore, above all, need sufficient rest and solitude to recharge their batteries.

Of course, no one is "only" an introvert or "only" an extrovert. Everyone is somewhere in the middle on the scale. Therefore, it is important that everyone finds an individually suitable dose of external stimulation, on the one hand, and enough opportunities for himself, on the other.

What happens when introverts become mothers?

Like all women, things change for introverts as soon as they (have to) start caring for a child 24 hours a day, with little or no opportunity to spend enough time alone.

However, in this context mothers simply need to be aware of their special needs.

Standard family craziness, extremely tiring for typical introverts.

The usual daily routine with children—noise, clutter, variety of tasks to be done at the same time, children's demands for parental attention and activities—can quickly push an introverted mother to breaking point. It seems to her that she is about to explode, that the cup has overflowed.

As an introverted mother, you should always make sure you have rest periods to compensate. If you find someone to take care of the kids for you, you can make the best use of the "buy" time by being completely alone.

Strengths of introverted mothers

Often such mothers consider themselves bad parents, because they are supposed to enjoy every second with a child, and not look for opportunities to retire. But introverts have many wonderful qualities that help them raise children. For example:

1. The ability to radiate calm

Being an introverted mother, you have a calming influence on the family. You “automatically” make sure that the children do not get overexcited and take sufficient breaks.

2. The ability to "let go" of the child in time

It is easy for you to accept the fact that each child develops in his own way and at his own pace and needs personal freedom. As a mother, you manage to keep a low profile and allow the children to have their own experience.

3. The ability to listen carefully

As an introvert, it is easy for you to listen. You can fully focus on your child's problems, you are compassionate, you reflect on what is being said, and you are not eager to bring your views to the fore. This will make your child feel valued and accepted.

4. You are rarely bored.

As an introvert, you are never bored. While young extrovert mothers can quickly feel lonely if they (have to) spend a lot of time alone with their baby, introverts love to be in their own thoughts and can do their own thing well.

What can be difficult for an introverted mother

Having studied their strengths, introverted mothers need to think about their weaknesses in order to put emphasis on them.

1. Small talk

Introverted women do not appreciate superficial exchange of ideas with mothers who are (yet) not very familiar to them: baby groups, pre-school courses, carnival parties, fairs, activities in kindergarten, sports club or school are quite tiring, because as a stimulating factor they negatively affect an introverted woman.

2. A lot of hustle and bustle

Working with several children at the same time - for example, at children's birthday parties, when several kids are visiting or at family gatherings - this is a challenge for an introverted mother, after which she needs a lot of time for herself to recharge your batteries and recover.

3. Extroverted children

When an extroverted child is born to an introverted mother, it is difficult for her to understand and support his strong need for activity and communication with friends.

The important thing here is to find, with tact and sensitivity, a good compromise that both parties can come to terms with. The older and more independent children become, the easier it should be.

Don't expect to easily lead an extroverted life.

It is important for your self-esteem to recognize and accept yourself as an introvert.

If you compare your life with that of more extroverted mothers, you will see that they do more work on weekends, go out more in the evenings, have a larger network of friends, and, in your opinion, simply "do more" than you. It seems that they are trying, and you are not capable of it.

But why should you strive for such a way of life if it does not satisfy you at all?

Extroverts need external stimuli to feel happy, just as you need time alone to feel good too. In and of itself, it is not “better” to spend your life doing a lot of things. Life is good and successful if you feel comfortable in it - you must set it up accordingly.

It's okay if you need some time away from your children.

Do you sometimes wish you could spend more time away from your children? Do you have any remorse about this and think you are a "bad" mother?

Accept as part of your identity that you need to be alone to recuperate. Only then can you devote your energy to your children again.

It's okay when you leave your children in kindergarten, with grandparents or a nanny. Your child gets a double benefit: it is good for the baby to have several objects of affection, and he is pleased when the mother can return to everyday life in a good mood after a respite.

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