Being emotionally available

Emotionally Unavailable: Meaning, Signs, and FAQs

Emotional availability describes the ability to sustain emotional bonds in relationships. Since it’s pretty much impossible to have a healthy relationship without an emotional connection, emotionally unavailable people tend to find relationships challenging. Instead, they might prefer to date casually and maintain some distance.

Say you’ve dated someone for about 6 months. You have plenty in common, not to mention great sexual chemistry, but something seems a little off.

Maybe they shy away from conversations about emotional experiences, or talk a lot about their life and interests but never ask about your hobbies.

This apparent lack of investment can make you wonder if they even like you.

But your involvement (whether it’s a relationship or something more casual) continues, so you reason they must have feelings for you.

The good news is they probably do. The bad news is they might be emotionally unavailable.

Recognizing emotional unavailability can be tricky. Many emotionally unavailable people have a knack for making you feel great about yourself and hopeful about the future of your relationship.

But if, after an encouraging start, you never connect more intimately, they might not have the ability to maintain anything beyond casual involvement at the moment.

The signs below can help you recognize emotional unavailability in a partner.

They don’t like making plans

Emotionally unavailable people often show less inclination to make commitments, whether these commitments are minor or more significant.

Maybe you suggest getting together next week. They agree enthusiastically, so you ask what day works for them.

“Let me check and get back to you,” they say, but you never hear back.

Or maybe they say, “I’ll pencil that in.” But when the time comes, they have a great excuse for why they can’t make it.

They call the shots

When you do see each other, they tend to choose what you do — usually an activity that aligns with their typical routine.

They might put on the latest episode of their favorite Netflix show, even though you’ve never seen it. Or maybe they ask you to help them out around the house.

This doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem, especially if they seem receptive when you make suggestions.

But if they never ask what you’d like to do, or seem irritated when you don’t want to go along with their plan, it may be time to consider whether the relationship is really serving your needs.

You do all the relationship work

Can’t remember the last time they sent a text that wasn’t a direct reply? Feel a little frustrated they’ve never set up a date or initiated any plans?

If you do all the calling, texting, and planning, there’s a good chance they’re emotionally unavailable. They enjoy spending time with you, certainly, when it works for them. But they don’t want to work for it, either. If you don’t make things happen, they probably won’t.

When you aren’t spending time together, you hear from them only rarely. Maybe they take days to reply to messages or ignore some messages entirely, especially meaningful ones.

They might say, “I’d rather talk about important things in person.” Which sounds great, of course — until they don’t follow up.

They avoid the word ‘relationship’

Emotional unavailability can involve commitment and intimacy fears. You might participate in relationship behaviors with someone — go on dates, spend the night together, meet each other’s friends — but they don’t want to talk about having an official relationship.

As long as you keep dating casually, things go pretty well. But when you try to swim to deeper waters, they might make a break for the safer shores of casual dating.

Use caution if someone you’re involved with:

  • says, “I’m not looking for anything serious” — unless, of course, you also want to keep things casual
  • talks a lot about a recent ex
  • talks about unrequited feelings for a friend
  • says they have a fear of commitment

It’s always possible you caught them at a time when they feel ready to work toward change. Usually, though, someone who says these things means them.

You never seem to grow closer

In the beginning of the relationship, they openly share vulnerabilities or say how much they enjoy spending time together. But things never get serious.

It’s tempting to try to make things work with someone who seems distant. You might believe they just need to find the right person. If you can reach them when no one else can, your relationship has the potential to last, right? You just have to try a little harder.

But that’s how emotional unavailability can trap you.

Unless they do some work themselves, you’ll continue investing energy into the relationship with the goal of someday getting closer. Meanwhile, they’ll keep avoiding reciprocation, so you’ll drain yourself until you’re too emotionally exhausted to continue.

They reflect your feelings instead of offering their own

Pay attention to how someone responds when you share emotions.

Do they express their feelings uniquely? Or do they mirror back what you say with, “I feel the same way”?

Not everyone likes to talk about emotions all the time, but in a relationship, it’s important to connect on an emotional level.

If your partner can’t open up, even when you initiate a conversation and ask direct questions, they may be emotionally unavailable.

They show up late or blow off plans

Not keeping commitments or consistently showing up late is a subtle way to keep someone at a distance.

Your partner might still care and even apologize with sincerity.

But they may care more about what they want and have trouble restructuring their life to include you. In other words, they’re not ready to prioritize relationship needs over their own needs.

Maybe some of the above signs resonated with you as traits you’ve noticed in yourself, or things past partners have pointed out to you.

Emotional unavailability doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong. You may not fully realize how it shows up in your relationships.

Here are some signs to keep in mind.

When commitments approach, you want to back out

Last week, you made plans for a date tomorrow. You felt excited then, but now giving up your free time is the last thing you want to do.

It’s important to take enough time for yourself, absolutely. That said, if you end up canceling plans with your partner more often than not, it may help to consider why you feel the need to avoid spending too much time together.

You operate by keeping your options open

If you want a committed relationship, at some point you’ll need to focus on one partner (or, in a nonmonogamous relationship, your primary partner).

But instead of having a discussion with your current partner about relationship goals like long-term commitment or exclusivity, you continue swiping, going on dates, and generally keeping your eyes open for greener pastures.

You might not want to settle for someone who isn’t exactly right. But this mindset can limit your ability to dedicate time and energy to someone you already care for. It’s not always possible to find a “perfect” match, but you can still have a great relationship with someone who falls a little short of complete perfection.

You worry about losing yourself in a relationship

If you’re fiercely independent, you might worry getting close to a romantic partner will involve losing that independence. Maybe you like to do things your way, on your schedule, and don’t want to change your life to fit someone else’s.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but it can make you less available. In a healthy relationship, partners balance individual needs with their romantic commitment. It may take some time and exploration to learn how to do this in a way that feels right for you.

Trust doesn’t come easily to you

If someone betrayed your trust in the past, you might avoid exposing your vulnerabilities to anyone else. You might prefer to keep your emotions and thoughts locked down so no one can use them against you.

When a partner urges you to open up and talk about how you’re feeling, you respond by shutting down or changing the subject.

You keep ending up with emotionally unavailable people

If you have a pattern of relationships with emotionally distant partners, consider whether you’re getting back what you’re putting out.

At first, it might seem easy and fun to date people who don’t ask a lot of you emotionally. But if, deep down, you really want more from a relationship, these flings won’t fulfill you for long.

A number of factors can contribute to emotional unavailability. It’s not uncommon to find more than one cause at the heart of this issue.

Attachment issues

Childhood attachment to primary caregivers can play a significant part in emotional unavailability.

If your caregivers didn’t show interest in your feelings or offer much affection and support, you may have absorbed this as a relationship model.

As an adult, your attachment to romantic partners might follow this pattern and tend toward avoidant.

Temporary circumstances

Emotional unavailability can also happen temporarily. Many people living with mental health conditions, like depression, may have a hard time sustaining an emotional connection with their loved ones during a flare-up.

Others might want to focus on their career, a friend having difficulties, or something else unexpected.

Breakup grief

Experiencing relationship pain can make it tough to become vulnerable with a new partner.

This is especially true if you’re recovering from:

  • unpleasant breakups
  • infidelity
  • unrequited feelings
  • relationship toxicity or abuse

Any of these can contribute to feelings of low self-esteem, which can make it even more difficult to experience and share intimacy.

Emotional unavailability doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s a complex issue, though, and some underlying causes may be harder to overcome than others.

Change only happens when someone is willing to work at creating it, so you can’t make an emotionally unavailable partner more available.

But you can try these strategies:

  • Bring up concerning behaviors, like avoiding making plans or sharing feelings.
  • Point out, compassionately, how those behaviors affect your relationship.
  • Encourage them to connect with a therapist, or offer to try couples counseling with them.
  • Offer encouragement and support when they do open up.

If you’re trying to become more emotionally available yourself, the following tips can help.

Identify the cause

Exploring the root issues can give you insight on how to deal with emotional unavailability.

If you’ve gone through a nasty breakup, for example, you may just need some more time before trying to get close to someone again.

But if something more serious, like childhood neglect, affects your ability to get close to others, it’s wise to talk to a therapist. Coping with the effects of trauma or abuse generally requires professional support.

Practice opening up

It’s often helpful to get more comfortable expressing emotions on your own before trying to share them with a romantic partner.

To do this, consider these ideas:

  • Keep a journal of your feelings.
  • Use art or music to practice emotional expression.
  • Talk to trusted people, like close friends or family members, about emotions.
  • Share emotional issues or vulnerabilities via text first.

Take it slow

Once you realize you’ve been emotionally distant, you might want to begin changing that immediately.

Overnight improvement isn’t realistic, though. True vulnerability takes time, and pushing yourself to open up before you’re ready can sometimes trigger distress or discomfort.

A better approach? Small, gradual changes.

To put it another way, it never hurts to step out of your comfort zone, but you don’t need to leave it completely in the dust.

Involve your partner

As you explore factors contributing to emotional unavailability and work on becoming more available, communicate with your partner about what you learn.

You may have an easier time enlisting their support if they understand why you tend to pull away.

Explore helpful strategies together, such as:

  • sharing emotions by leaving notes for each other
  • staying connected via text when you need physical space

Spend time with people in healthy relationships

When emotional unavailability stems from attachment issues or unhealthy relationship patterns, it can help to learn more about what healthy relationships look like.

One way to study healthy relationships involves time in the field. Think of friends or family members in strong, long-term relationships, ideally people you spend a good amount of time with. Pay attention to how they interact with their partners.

This won’t give you a full picture, but it can provide some useful insight.

Talk to a therapist

Emotional unavailability isn’t always something you can work through alone, and that’s OK.

If you continue having trouble with emotional vulnerability and feel distressed about the difficulties it causes in your relationships, a therapist can offer guidance and support.

In therapy, you can work to identify potential causes and take steps to break unhelpful relationship patterns.

If you’re already in a relationship, couples counseling can go a long way to helping you and your partner address any challenges together.

Still have some pressing questions about emotional unavailability? We’ve got answers.

Can emotionally unavailable people fall in love?

Some people don’t find it easy to recognize or express key emotions, like anger or love. But that doesn’t mean they don’t experience those emotions at all.

Emotionally unavailable people can certainly fall in love. They just might have a harder time recognizing when it happens and putting their feelings into words.

Remember, emotional unavailability often stems from a deeper fear of intimacy or rejection — fears that can complicate someone’s experiences with love.

If falling in love feels scary or threatening, it’s only natural that they might want to try and avoid it entirely. When it seems like you’re getting closer, they may pull back to protect themselves.

How do emotionally unavailable people show love?

Just as emotionally unavailable people may not always find it easy to identify feelings of love, they might have a harder time demonstrating affection with words.

They might not say, “I love you” or tell you how much you mean to them. Instead, they might express their feelings through gestures or actions, like doing something nice for you or surprising you with a gift. These actions can make it clear they’re thinking of you.

Maybe they keep that hard-to-find coffee creamer you love stocked in their refrigerator, ready for the mornings after you stay over.

Or you might make an offhand comment about losing your favorite knitted hat. Two weeks later, you’re hanging out when they say, “Oh, yeah, here you go” and pass you a hat, knitted by hand in your favorite colors.

Can emotionally unavailable people miss you?

Someone may not have the emotional availability to carry on a committed relationship, but they can absolutely still care about you. And if you care about someone, you can miss them.

Maybe they won’t necessarily tell you directly, “You know, I really miss you when we’re not together.” But they might try to connect in other ways — by sharing a meme, a joke, or quote from a TV show you both love, for example.

And sure, they could miss you even if they don’t say anything, unless you reach out first. It’s important to consider, though, whether you need more communication for the relationship to work for you.

Emotional unavailability, on either side, can cause a lot of frustration and distress. But it doesn’t mean you have to give up on your relationship.

Talking to your partner, or taking time to explore your own behaviors, can help you start identifying possible issues and working through them productively.

Patience, communication, and support from a therapist can help, especially if you don’t seem to be getting anywhere on your own.

Crystal Raypole writes for Healthline and Psych Central. Her fields of interest include Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health, along with books, books, and more books. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues. She lives in Washington with her son and a lovably recalcitrant cat.

What It Means To Be Emotionally Available: 6 Things You Can Do

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Image credit: Shingi Rice (via Unsplash)

Did you know that humans can experience over 34,000 emotions? 

No wonder we have problems expressing ourselves clearly. Emotions associated with love and intimacy can be particularly intense, to the point that many of us find them disorienting or anxiety-inducing. 

Emotional intimacy is a key component of any healthy relationship, but it’s possible to work on it if it’s not your strong point. Do you have your walls up? 

Sometimes, the walls we put up for self-protection can stop us from starting and maintaining relationships. Studies show that the number of singles is growing. “The rise is particularly evident among 18- to 29-year-olds, increasing by roughly a quarter since 2004, from 52% to 64%. But it is also evident among adults aged 30 to 39, creeping up from 15% to 19% over the same period.”

Of course, there may be a multitude of factors influencing this trend. But our emotional availability plays a key role in our willingness to commit to intimate relationships. Deep relationships require vulnerability—and it can be genuinely terrifying to be vulnerable. Plus, nowadays, social media and dating apps often have us window-shopping for the next best thing. We keep on picking new flowers, instead of watering the ones in our garden. 

All things considered, committing to an intimate relationship can feel like navigating a minefield. There’s a real risk of getting hurt. While we understand the natural urge to protect yourself, learning to open up is far better for relationship growth. 

So why’s everyone afraid of a deeper emotional connection? How do we grow closer in love without letting our insecurities get the better of us? We’ll explore the answers to these questions and more.

If you’re struggling with the opposite problem—wanting to connect with someone who seems emotionally closed off—we have suggestions for you too!

What Is Emotional Availability?

Have you ever sat down with a good friend and talked through a conflict—truthfully divulging your feelings about a situation? In that case, you probably practiced being open, honest and vulnerable—all of which are vital elements of communication in relationships.

Emotional availability also encompasses being open, authentic and vulnerable. At the same time, it involves making room for other people’s feelings, too. 

Emotionally Available Emotionally Unavailable
You’re able to have meaningful conversations about your experiences, memories and ideas. You don’t usually share your experiences, memories and ideas.
You’re able to comfort others when they’re going through an emotionally difficult time. When other people display strong emotions, you may find it too uncomfortable to be around them.
You’re willing to discuss feelings openly and honestly. You tend to avoid discussions about feelings.

People who are emotionally available are:

  • Able to have meaningful conversations about the root of their emotions
  • Able to comfort others during an emotionally difficult time
  • Willing to discuss feelings openly and honestly
  • Respectful of other people’s boundaries

Even if you don’t exhibit all these traits in your communication right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to become more emotionally available. All of the qualities listed above can be practiced and developed over time. 

What does It Mean To Be Emotionally Unavailable?

Being emotionally unavailable means you struggle to have intimate conversations. In fact, you may view intimacy as a threat to your emotional security. You keep your relationships; long-term and short-term, very casual and distant. Whenever you find yourself getting too close to someone else, you back off before things get too serious.

“An emotionally unavailable person has a hard time receiving love and other deep emotions from others," says therapist Alyson Cohen, LCSW. They struggle to understand "the feelings of others because they can hardly understand their own.”

A History of Emotional Unavailability

The term “emotionally unavailable” was born out of meme culture and popularized in the 2010s. It has since stuck. Yet, of course, emotional availability existed long before that. For example, historically, men have been taught to mask their emotions. Ever heard the saying: “boys don’t cry”? It’s completely false (not to mention: toxic). 

But emotional expression and masculinity don’t have to be pitted against each other. Men are capable of working on their emotional health and becoming emotionally available, too.

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What To Do When Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable

It can be tragically distressing when your partner has their guard up and you feel like you’ve been shut out.

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Here are a a few common strategies to help you address your partner’s emotional unavailability:

  1. Find the underlying issue. 

What’s the reason they’re pulling away or shutting down? Is this a pattern?

  1. Check in about stressors like finances, work, or family.
  2. Approach any conflicts calmly.
  3. Find a middle ground or compromise.

What does your partner need before they can feel safe sharing their emotions? And how can you balance your desire for emotional connection with your partner’s wish for space? If you’re both honest about what you need from each other, you can find ways to meet in the middle.  

  1. When your partner does share their emotions, appreciate and encourage them. Also, balance emotionally heavy discussions with quality, “positive time.” “Positive time” is time spent together doing anything you both enjoy.

When it comes to solving relationship issues, you’re never alone. If you feel that a conversation is too sensitive or difficult to start on your own, try some of Together’s in-app conversation tools to get you both talking.

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Do you feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship? If your relationship doesn’t feel balanced, this may be a sign that your partner is emotionally unavailable. Here are some other signs of an emotionally unavailable partner to look out for:

  • They don’t share their experiences, memories and ideas.
  • You’re always the one carrying conversations and making plans.
  • They avoid quality time with you.
  • They have a history of short-lived romances.
  • They’re defensive.

6 Keys to Becoming an Emotionally Available Partner

Let’s consider another possibility: are you distancing yourself from your romantic partner? Do you find it hard to share your feelings honestly and openly? 

Let’s break down the walls you’ve put up, little by little. 

  1. Practice discussing your emotions

Remember, we can experience over 34,000 emotions. Check out this emotion wheel to improve your emotional vocabulary, and develop a better understanding of your partner’s emotions, too.

  1. Ask yourself why you find it hard to open up.

"The emotionally unavailable person is usually terribly anxious about being hurt, fearing that they could be rejected or controlled," states counselor Stephanie Wijkstrom, Founder of the Wellness Center of Pittsburgh.

The root cause could be childhood trauma or a previous heartbreak, either of which can result in a fear of abandonment. Is there anything from your past that makes you afraid to trust someone new with your heart?

No matter what happened in your past, it’s never too late to learn the skills that will help you open up and let someone in again. If you’re ready for a change, try Together, a science-based couples therapy app. The app uses tools from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and emotion-focused therapy (EFT) to help you overcome your relationship blocks.

  1. Address your addictions.

Sometimes, emotionally disconnected partners indulge in addictive behaviors to numb their uncomfortable feelings. Nipping addictions in the bud will allow you to think clearly, feel more deeply, and consciously address sources of emotional pain.

  1. Practice self-compassion.

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. ” –Jack Kornfield

People with high self-compassion are able to accept their own messy emotions, and in turn, their partner’s. It’s easier to be kind to, and patient with, others when you are comfortable with your own imperfections.

  1. Practice including your partner.

Including your lover in your decisions, plans, and goals builds trust and interdependence. 

  1. Plan quality time with your partner.

When you invest in quality time with your significant other, your reward is a richer, deeper relationship. There’s no time like the present to plan a thoughtful date night with your lover. 

Try Together - the couple coaching app

Resolve your relationship pains with Together - a couple coaching app developed by leading therapists.

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Try Together - the couple coaching app

Resolve your relationship pains with Together - a couple coaching app developed by leading therapists.

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Resolve your relationship pains with Together - a couple coaching app developed by leading therapists.

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Emotional availability: how it works in relationships

My new article for portal -
"Emotional availability: how it works in relationships"

The main secret of happy, satisfying relationships - and not only love ones , but also, for example, friendly, is the emotional responsiveness and availability of both partners. Psychologist Irina Chesnova talks about what emotional accessibility is and how to create it.

What is emotional availability?

Emotional availability is involvement in relationships. This is the ability to respond to the signals and appeals of a loved one. Do not ignore them, do not make a face, do not reproach them for something, and even more so do not humiliate them. And to establish emotional contact, to give feedback - with respect, attention and, if necessary, support. To be emotionally available means to be someone you can rely on, who will come up and hug you if it suddenly becomes bitter, bad and scary, showing with all your appearance - “I care about what happens to you, you matter to me.”

And at the same time, who will not remember all past mistakes, inflate his own worth (“what can you do without me?”), try to prick and beat the sick person. Who will offer it to the words “I need help”, instead of saying “who would help me” or “leave me alone, it’s not up to you now. ” Anyone who is lucky to meet an emotionally responsive and accessible partner knows what the happiness of love and understanding is.

Emotional responsiveness and availability do wonders for relationships - they make them safe. This is what (almost) everyone in the world lacks and what they really, really want: calm, loving, respectful communication. Where everyone has confidence: you can count on the other. Whatever you share, you will not receive a contemptuous laugh, condemnation or criticism. They will not fight with you and prove who is in charge here. You will not be left alone in difficult times. You will not be ridiculed, not rejected, but heard and understood. Even if they don't agree with you.

Why is it always so simple in words and so difficult in life?

Because each person has his own experience of growing up and communicating with close adults. For some it was successful, for others it was traumatic. Someone in childhood was recklessly loved and supported, while someone was constantly condemned, made excessive demands (“you have to!”), Instilled a sense of guilt (“it's because of you! . .”). What is the result?

People who brought this traumatic experience with them from childhood, unsure of their own value and significance, tend to create a hierarchy in relationships - someone is taller and the main one, someone is lower and a fool (moreover, periodically they change places). There it is difficult to reach out to another (there is no accessibility), there is no certainty that they hear you, that you mean something. There is no relaxing security when there is nothing to be afraid of.

Everyone has their own wounds and their secret hopes to heal them. Some people, growing up, turn out to be overly dependent on relationships and desperately - through demands, claims, complaints, resentments - seek intimacy, attention. Others, on the contrary, are afraid of intimacy, behave detached, careless, even arrogant and cold, so as not to fall into this very “addiction”. And often in any remark, even the most neutral way, one hears reproach, dissatisfaction and accusation:

- I'm very tired . ..
- We don't have money for a housekeeper!

Both feel misunderstood and trapped. No one trusts anyone, afraid to open up, honestly ask for what they need, and be vulnerable. The level of distrust and insecurity is such that if you open up, expose yourself, you will either be reproached for something, or frozen with contempt, or brushed aside.

How to make emotional availability mutual?

It is clear that this is more like an instruction on how to fly to the moon, but in the end nothing is impossible in this life.
To begin with, it is worth seeing that behind the misunderstanding and emotional unavailability that have tormented you, there is not only anger at each other and not a “lousy” character. And a lot of personal pain, longing, helplessness and fears. Behind criticism, accusations, anxious clinging hides, for example, the fear of loneliness, one's own uselessness, worthlessness, the fear of being unwanted, abandoned. Behind coldness, inaccessibility and indifference, there may be a fear of intimacy, absorption, an inability to trust, a fear of being rejected, rejected and again receiving evidence that I am not worthy of love as I am.

In general, behind the ostentatious, as if deliberately hurtful behavior of another person, there are always his own painful feelings, his injuries, his total sense of insecurity. Knowing this, seeing this, you can change a lot in your contact. For example, remove from it everything that can hurt - personal criticism, offensive remarks, assessments, comparisons, accusations of one's failures or bad mood, unclear, fuzzy messages. And learn to express your needs openly and directly: “I want to spend time with you. Let's sit together for half an hour." “I need your help with work matters, can you make time for this in the coming days?”.

But the most important thing to learn is to endure difficult states and feelings of your partner – fatigue, irritation, despair, anger. Endure and stay close. Without accusations of instability, without depreciation (“yes, I found something to worry about”), without fleeing to my “important matters”. This is not difficult. It's archaic. This requires a lot of resources, desire and inner strength. You can't do it alone, two people have to try. But it's worth it.

Because the meaning of emotional responsiveness and accessibility is that when both of you feel bad and difficult, you don't blame, don't push each other away, don't remember other people's sins, don't be left alone with your problems. And you console each other: “It’s not easy for both of us now, let’s hold on. I love you. Together we won't be lost."

Irina Chesnova , psychologist,
author of books for parents

7 signs of an emotionally unavailable partner really connect with other people. As a rule, there is a crisis of trust and a fear of intimacy behind this - this causes him to be fickle and avoid relationships.

Usually the reasons for this are in a complex intricacies of personality traits and painful experiences (especially loss, rejection or abandonment). All this forms the style of behavior with others.

Such people are often called toxic or narcissistic traits are attributed to them. Sometimes this is true, but more often it is not. Early loss or the painful experience of rejection can indeed be difficult to bear. And the extreme degree of natural shyness makes a person close against his will.

It can be difficult for these people to let go of their defenses, the prospect of intimacy with others scares them so much. What else makes them different?

1. They are afraid of deep conversations

It is not easy for them to plunge into the world of feelings and emotions - they are ready to listen to a partner, but only for the time being. At the moment when it becomes completely unbearable, they simply change the subject, and when they are required to make any commitments, they feel cornered.

2. Intimacy always coexists with fear for them

Love and intimacy always come with an “add-on weight” in the form of inevitable (as it seems to them) conflicts, life dramas or potential rejection - everything that happened to them before.


They have real trust problems

If a person has suffered a lot, it is difficult for him to enter into any relationship with an open heart - it is too scary to be vulnerable again and experience new pain.

4. They do not know how to express feelings

Often, emotionally unavailable people simply do not have the skill of expressing everything that is on their souls. This does not mean that experiences are alien to them, they just do not know how to share them.

5. Often they easily and quickly cut ties with people

Moreover, any ties, including family ones. Which, of course, brings a lot of suffering to others. But at the same time, the person himself is sure that it will be easier this way than painfully choosing words and explaining himself, risking offending another.

6. They often choose a relationship at a distance

Or they enter into a relationship with a person who is not free - it's easier to keep the distance they need and not take the “next step”.

Learn more