Why sex is so addictive
8 Signs to Look For
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on December 02, 2020
In this Article
- What is a Sex Addict?
- Signs of a Sex Addict
- Treating Sexual Addiction
What is a Sex Addict?
Sex addiction is defined as a lack of control over sexual thoughts, urges, and impulses. While sexual impulses are natural, sex addiction only refers to behaviors that are done in excess and significantly impact one’s life in a negative way.
Although sex addiction isn’t listed as a diagnosable condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), research indicates that excess sexual behavior can develop, like a chemical addiction.
A person with sex addiction may have a compulsive need to be sexually stimulated. This desire often interferes with their ability to live their daily life. Sexual addictions can come in many different forms, including addiction to:
- Sexual acts
- Prostitution
- Watching or consuming pornography
- Masturbation or sexual fantasy
- Exhibition or voyeurism
Sex addicts may alter their activities to perform sexual acts persistently, unable to control their behavior despite any consequences.
This compulsive sexual behavior can have serious personal consequences. Like drug or alcohol addiction, sex addiction can impact physical health, mental health, personal relationships, and quality of life.
Signs of a Sex Addict
Sexual addiction can manifest itself in many different ways, both physical and emotional. It takes a healthcare professional to make a clear diagnosis, but here are some signs that can point to a potential sex addiction:
Obsessive Sexual Thoughts
Someone dealing with sex addiction may find themselves thinking persistently about sex. These chronic thoughts of sex or sexual fantasies may become obsessive or interfere with other responsibilities.
Spending Excessive Time on Sex
While seeking out sexual partners isn’t necessarily a sign of sexual addiction, if someone is spending excessive amounts of time and energy on sex, it might be a red flag. This can include spending time attempting to acquire sex, having sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experiences.
Feeling Shame or Depression
If a need for sex crosses over into an addiction, someone’s sexual feelings might also be interspersed with feelings of anxiety, shame, depression, or regret. The individual may feel shame about their sexual urges and their difficulty controlling those urges.
They may even show signs of clinical depression or suicide ideation. Research shows that it isn't uncommon for people who are sexually compulsive to also show signs of depression, anxiety, and social anxiety. One study found that, among sexually compulsive men, 28% showed signs of depression, compared to 12% of the general population.
Excluding Other Activities
A sex addict may fixate on sex to the point where they have difficulty engaging in their other activities. They may fall behind on responsibilities in school, work, or their personal lives or become socially withdrawn. They may also prioritize sexual behavior over other forms of relaxation or hobbies.
Relationships with friends, families, and partners may suffer because of this.
Masturbating Excessively
While masturbation can be a healthy way to explore sexuality and express sexual drive, excessive masturbation can be a sign of sexual addiction. This might look like compulsive masturbation, masturbation during inappropriate times, or even masturbation to the point of causing physical discomfort or pain.
Engaging in Risky or Inappropriate Behaviors
In some cases, sexual addiction can lead to inappropriate and/or risky sexual behaviors. This can include exhibitionism, public sex, sex without protection, and sex with prostitutes.
In some cases, this can lead someone to develop sexually transmitted diseases. Studies have shown that those who identify as sexually compulsive are more likely to develop sexually transmitted diseases like HIV.
Cheating on Partners
Someone with a sexual addiction may feel compelled to seek out sex with new partners, even if this means cheating on a partner or having an extramarital affair.
They may seek out one-night stands on a regular basis or even cheat multiple times with different partners.
Committing Criminal Sex Offenses
In some extreme cases, people may engage in criminal activities like stalking, rape, or child molestation. While some sexual offenders may also be sex addicts, there is no evidence that sexual addiction can lead someone to commit sexual offenses.
Treating Sexual Addiction
Can a sex addict change? Yes, although it may require treatment from a medical professional like a psychologist, psychiatrist, or sex therapist.
Depending on the underlying cause and how it manifests in someone’s personal life, treatment may vary. If the sex addiction presents alongside another underlying anxiety disorder or mood disorder, the treatment plan may also include medications.
Forms of treatment can include:
- One-on-one therapy with a mental health professional
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
- Psychodynamic therapy
- Group therapy
- Support groups
- Inpatient treatment
- Couples counseling or marriage counseling
Sex Addiction: Top ten signs that you might be a sex addict
Most of us know that having a healthy sex life can only be a good thing.
In healthy amounts, sex can:
- Boost the immune system
- Improve bladder control
- Reduce headaches
- Make us look younger
- Relieve stress
Sexually expressive people are often viewed as more confident, happier, and generally tend to have more fulfilling relationships with the opposite (or same) sex. The problem arises when a person can no longer control their sexual impulses no matter how devastating the consequences might be.
Sex addiction is often conceptualised as the compulsive engagement in sexual acts without any regard for the negative consequences that may arise.
Interestingly, not every medical professional deems sex addiction in high enough regard, and, as a result, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), have not yet listed it as an official diagnosis.
Clinically, this often presents many challenges to those suffering from sex addiction, especially when it comes to receiving the support and treatment required for long-term abstinence.
Since sex addiction remains somewhat unrecognised within the mental health community, the diagnostic criteria for such an addiction are often vague and wishy-washy. Although many signs and symptoms may suggest that a person is suffering from sex addiction. These include:
- A person engaging in sex with multiple partners and having extramarital affairs
- The continuous urge for sex often followed by guilt, regret, shame and depression
- Continuously engaging in phone sex, pornography, and/or online sex
- Engaging in risky behaviours i.e. having sex in public places, with prostitutes or regularly attending sex clubs
- Being dominated by sex and having little time for any other activities
What causes sex addiction?
There is a whole host of theories around sex addiction, some perhaps more concrete than others. Although research shows that sex addiction often occurs as a result of the following scenarios:
- A person having a strong desire for control (impulsive control)
- When a person is diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Being diagnosed with a relationship disorder
- A person using sex as a way to cope with past trauma (such as childhood trauma and/or sexual abuse)
Brain Chemistry
Other research suggests that biochemical factors in the brain could also play a role in sex addiction.
Biochemical abnormalities and other changes in the brain significantly increases the risk of someone becoming a sex addict.
Since medications such as psychotropic medication and antidepressants have proven to help treat sex addiction, this might be suggestive that biochemical shifts could be responsible for the increased likelihood of someone becoming a sex addict.
According to scientific studies, food, drugs and sex, all share a mutual pathway to the reward and survival systems in our brains. This pathway leads to parts of the brain that are responsible for rational thought and judgement.
In this way, a sex addicts judgment is often impaired as the brain tells him or her that engaging in dangerous or illicit sex is good (in a similar way to how the brain tells us that food is good). There are no clear distinctions.
This might offer some insight into why highly competent people tend to fall into the sex addiction trap.
There are plenty of studies to suggest that highly ambitious, goal-driven people very often become distracted by sex and drug addictions.
Essentially, the brain tricks the body into a false sense of security by producing strong biochemical rewards for self-destructive behaviours.
What are the signs of sex addiction?There are several telltale signs that a person may have gone beyond the threshold of what is considered a ‘healthy’ sexual appetite.
#1. Sexual acts with multiple partners: Sex addicts are often unable to remain loyal to their partners due to their insatiable sexual appetites. This usually results in them engaging in risky behaviours such as cheating and engaging in sexual acts with multiple partners. Risky is the operative word here, as those who sleep around tend to have a much higher risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
#2. Neglectful of responsibilities: Similar to any other addiction, sex addicts often put their desire for sex ahead of family commitments, job responsibilities, and pretty much anything else that isn’t sex-related.
This can lead to financial difficulties, job loss, and even divorce if the neglect continues to spiral out of control.
#3. Indulging in trade-offs for sex: Almost all sex addicts are willing to trade their time and currency, particularly when illicit sex is the end game. The sexual cravings are too strong to resist, which means that sex addicts are often willing to part with their hard-earned cash and any spare time they get to satisfy those urges.
#4. The dismissiveness of risky sexual behaviour: What if I get caught cheating? Or contract a sexual disease from all the sleeping around? These are all normal questions a person would ponder on before doing the dirty deed. Sex addicts might run along this emotional parallel for a while, the difference being that all the pondering in the world doesn’t stop them regardless of the consequences.
#5. Unable to reduce the amount of time spent on sexual activities: Similar to substance addiction, sex addiction is often difficult to cut down on, since over time the sexual urges become stronger, not weaker.
It’s easy to detect a sex addict as they struggle to minimise the amount of time they spend on sexually related activities (also similar to gaming and internet addictions).
#6. Inability to discuss the problem: If you’ve ever tried to speak to an alcoholic about their drinking, then you’ll likely come across the same problem with a person who is addicted to sex. You’ll likely experience the same level of denial and an inability to open up and discuss the problem. Not to say that it will never happen, however, the initial discussions can often be frustrating and worrisome for the addicts’ loved ones’ and family members.
#7. Loss of sexual functioning: This is particularly prevalent in young males who tend to view a lot of porn. Since the sexual ‘high’ they experience in pornography cannot be matched with a real life partner, they often experience erectile dysfunctioning as a result. Essentially, when a male engages in porn, his dopamine levels rise to an extreme level and this conditions the body to desire those high-arousal levels.
When indulging in ‘normal’ sex with a partner, this conditioning can reduce the ability to function.
#8. Displaying strong disinterest in a partner: This is perhaps the most obvious sign of a relationship problem, where one partner is keen to have sex and the other isn’t. When one half of a couple begins to withdraw from sex, this is often a sign that something deeper is going on. This might not always signify a problem with sex addiction as such. However, if withdrawal from sex is accompanied by any other red flags, then it’s highly likely that sex addiction might be a contributory factor.
#9. Constantly watching porn: Constantly engaging in porn and sexual fantasies is another sign that someone might be suffering from sex addiction. This can cause many problems as real-life sex often cannot live up to the type of porn scenarios that people see online or on television.
#10. Feeling remorse or guilt after sex: Shame and guilt often accompany most addictions, and this is prevalent when it comes to eating disorders, too.
The more the person eats, the guiltier they feel. It’s the same with sexual engagement. It feels good at the moment, but shortly afterwards, not so much. The type of ‘emotional hangover’ that a sex addict often experiences after engaging in risky sexual behaviour is nothing to be envied. These feelings of inadequacy often follow them around for a long time until they get their next ‘fix’ and the cycle ensues.
Available Treatments
Although sex addiction is not currently an official diagnosis, treatment for the disorder is similar to other addictions such as behavioural addiction and substance misuse disorder. Recommended treatments that are currently available for sex-related addictions include:
MedicationSpecific drug therapies might be useful in reducing any urges a person may experience when in recovery (such as antidepressants). Although medication prescriptions are often at the discretion of each individual case and the advice of a doctor.
Recovery programs such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) work in a similar fashion to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These treatment programs address sex addiction and can be extremely beneficial for those seeking long-term recovery. The addict isn’t expected to give up sex entirely, just the compulsive and self-destructive behaviours that often accompany the addiction. 12-step programs usually consist of group meetings where individuals can support and offer encouragement to one another.
Cognitive Behavioral TherapyOther known therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), are often used to treat addiction disorders and can help individuals to recognise any self- destructive thoughts and behaviours, that might be leading them down the wrong path. CBT is also known to help people identify any potential triggers and work towards adopting healthier coping mechanisms for the future.
Art TherapyArt therapy focuses on the use of creative imagination and techniques such as painting, sculpting, drawing and collaging.
For those with an appreciation of the arts, and with the assistance of a therapist, individuals are assisted in decoding nonverbal metaphors that are often found in different art forms. This often promotes a deeper understanding of emotions, feelings, and behaviours that are often in need of being resolved.
EMDR therapy is often used by professionals to treat a wide range of traumas. Since trauma and addiction often go hand in hand, EMDR therapy can be especially helpful in combating the urge to engage in addictive -related behaviours. Patients are encouraged to focus on a particular traumatic event whilst engaging in rapid eye movements (guided by a therapist).
The purpose of EMDR therapy is to ‘rewire’ the brain so that any lingering trauma can no longer harm a person’s mental health. Individuals don’t necessarily forget the bad experience as such, but rather the negative feelings associated with a difficult or disturbing event tend to reduce in strength.
Addressing underlying trauma is an essential element in the treatment of addiction and can have a long-lasting impact on recovery, in this instance, sexual sobriety is the end-goal.
At Tikvah Lake, we treat a whole range of addiction-disorders and other co-occurring mental health problems. Contact the team today to find out how we can help you.
Guy sucks with first intimacy
Guy sucks with …
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#9,0003
#10
, everything is done correctly, test how weak you are on the front.
The guy has to decide when he wants and then he will. Practice with a vibrator for now.
#11
#12
Guest
is very strange, usually men immediately strive to jump out of the pants and no numbers do not consider. ☺
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#14
decent man
If it was darkened from the very beginning, then you can already really want and can be strong endure another year))) The desire of the yobli is undulating
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Guest
, generally, testosterone is stable, not wave.
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#19
AU Author
2222 As for virginity, I can’t say, I don’t know. But he and I have conditions. He lives alone and so do I. Both were visiting each other
#21
#22
he, too, desire intimacy. But do it in such a way that he understands this hint. And then it all depends on him, whether he will understand that "green" is lit for him or not.
#23
Woman.
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#24
xVika
my me walked for 5 months until intimacy. And we were 24 and 25. He was afraid to offer, like I suddenly react “not like that”
#25
#26
#27
Serg
Many men do not understand hints, that's for sure.
And you try to seduce him.
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The man immediately warned that all property was recorded for children
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#28
Guest
1 Little pussy
9000 #29
2018, 10:46
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#33
Author
We've been dating for about 2 months.
I am 23, he is 24. We communicate well, everything goes to a logical continuation, but he does not show initiative in this. I would not say that he is clamped and notorious. Nice guy, smart, sociable, athletic. But for some reason he delays with the continuation, although I hinted to him that I would not mind. How to be?
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Guest
90 I will spread my legs in front of him ??? What is my interest in this??? Let him take you somewhere to have fun or make gifts, help financially, otherwise the guy got a good job - he has a girl for free !!!!
#12
Guest
Winter covered my head,
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And I damaged when I fell,
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#13
Guest
We have sex without a relationship. He calls me when needed, and so do I. He doesn't get along with another girl and tries to make up with me. My friends say it's disrespectful to myself. I'm not ready for a relationship in my twenties, and in principle I'm satisfied with this alignment. But still there is a feeling of "girls for one night". Is it all wrong?
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Guest
I did not suit me ... well, what kind of joy I am simple. so I will spread my legs in front of him ??? What is my interest in this??? Let him take you somewhere to have fun or make gifts, help financially, otherwise the guy got a good job - he has a girl for free !!!!
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#20
A person has the right to live as he wants within the law.
I will never understand cheating, double life and lies in a relationship. You are both free, both agree to such a deal. So basically I don't see anything wrong.
#21
Guest
Author, where is passion, intrigue, emotions?
#22
Guest
Well, how to say. From the point of view of society is not very correct, of course. And from a comfort point of view, it is quite normal. So decide what is more important to you.
And keep quiet, don't talk too much about it. They even told a friend in vain - now she will not give rest with her morals.
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9August 10, 2016#26
#27
#28 9000 9000
It depends on the circumstances.
I had a similar relationship with my ex-husband after the divorce. There were no feelings for him, and I love sex very much. He was set up with us. And so, on my call, he came to me once or twice a week and we had sex. I was very satisfied. I didn’t need to communicate with him more than this allotted time, I was tired of him in marriage, but I needed sex. Unreliable stories
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Guest
Until you eradicate this nonsense from your consciousness, you will always feel used. Enough already, got it.
#36
Guest
to each his own. I don’t allow myself to be used, and I don’t understand such girls. August 11, 2016, 10:44
#37
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Guest
Well, he's running. What's wrong? In the history of the author, everything is mutual.
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911 August 2016 it’s not clear how a woman can not appreciate herself so much and not understand that you need to respect yourself.
if you are an adult self-sufficient person, you become disillusioned with love, you become cynical and besides sex you don’t need a man from life, this is one thing. the author is 20 years old. she doesn’t know women are so arranged that feelings are paramount. and sooner or later she will become attached to him and most likely fall in love. and the man will simply merge. how many tears will this be? #40
#41
Guest. From the point of view of society is not very correct, of course. And from a comfort point of view, it is quite normal. So decide what is more important to you.
And keep quiet, don't talk too much about it. They even told a friend in vain - now she will not give rest with her morals.
from the point of view of society, this should not bother anyone at all#43
Guest
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