Why people addicted to sex

If you or someone you love suffers from a sex addiction, you might not have healthy boundaries. If your husband is addicted to porn or sex, you may feel alienated, isolated, depressed, angry, or humiliated and need treatment yourself. If you are addicted to sex, you might become easily involved with people sexually or emotionally regardless of how well you know them, according to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. Because most sex addicts fear being abandoned, they might stay in relationships that aren’t healthy, or they may jump from relationship to relationship. When alone, they might feel empty or incomplete. They might also sexualize feelings like guilt, loneliness or fear.

Although a sex addiction or pornography addiction can create many physical side effects, few physical symptoms of this disorder exist. However, the most common physical sex addict symptoms you might notice from having a sexual addiction is feeling immobilized due to sexual or emotional obsessions.

The effects of a sex addiction can be severe.

• According to Departmental Management of the USDA, about 38% of men and 45% of women with sex addictions have a venereal disease as a result of their behavior.
• Pregnancy is also a common side effect that can occur due to risky behavior. In one survey, nearly 70% of women with sex addictions reported they’d experienced at least one unwanted pregnancy as a result of their addiction.

Additionally, sex addiction likely has a negative impact on several areas of one’s life. It can lead to:

• A decline in personal relationships, social, and family engagement.
• Decreased concentration and productivity at work.
• Physical consequences like sexual dysfunction or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

It can have profound psychological effects, like generating feelings of shame, inadequacy, and emotional distress . It can lead to, or stem from, comorbid psychological disorders like:

• Anxiety.
• Depression.
• Substance abuse.
• Problems related to impulse control and emotion dysregulation.
• Obsessive-Compulsive type symptoms.

It is important to know that addressing co-occurring problems in one’s life, like depression, social anxiety, or social isolation, can make it easier to recover from sexual addiction.

Am I Addicted to Sex?

It is best to consult with a healthcare professional for proper evaluation of your sex addiction, however, you may also want to look out for the following signs:

• You feel powerless over how you act sexually.
• Your sexual choices are making your life unmanageable.
• You feel shame, embarrassment or even self-loathing over your sexual acts.
• You promise yourself you’ll change, but fail to keep those promises.
• You’re so preoccupied with sex it becomes like a ritual to you.

If you’re exhibiting any of these symptoms, it might be time to seek sex addiction treatment. If you also have a co-occurring substance addiction (e.g., alcohol, cocaine), call to learn more about treatment options.

Get Help For Sex Addiction

It is important to understand that although sex and porn addiction are not “formally” diagnosable, these conditions exist and often present with very adverse consequences and high levels of distress, guilt, and emotional turmoil. If you can relate to the symptoms mentioned above, or know somebody who meets these criteria, do not hesitate to ask for help. Call to speak to a treatment support specialist who can provide you with more information.

What Causes an Addiction to Sex?

Sexual addiction, like porn addiction, can develop due to factors that encompass all aspects of an individual’s life. These include:

Biological:

• Genes: You may have a genetic predisposition to emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, or sensation-seeking behavior. You may also have a predisposition to other traits that are commonly associated with sexual addiction, like anxiety or depression.
• Hormones: As one might expect, higher levels of sex hormones like testosterone or estrogen can affect libido. If you are inclined towards impulsive behavior and have high levels of sex-related hormones, you may be more likely to engage in excess sexual activities.

Psychological:

• Environmental influences: Early-life environmental factors, including adverse events like abuse or exposure to sexual content, can contribute to some of the underlying characteristics that drive hypersexual behavior.
• Mental health: Anxiety, depression, personality disorders, poor impulse control, and performance anxiety might be simultaneous issues that one struggles with alongside sex addiction. Those that have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, or have a tendency toward “manic” states, are much more likely to engage in excessive or risky sexual behavior.

Social:

• Rejection in relationships and social circles can lead to other, less healthy ways to find sexual gratification.
• Social isolation: Not only does social isolation increase one’s likelihood of seeking inappropriate ways of being sexually gratified, it also leads to a host of other problems–like depression and physical maladies–that can contribute to sex addictions or unhealthy sex behaviors.
• Social learning: Watching others perform a behavior, or “modeling,” is one way to learn something new–especially when you “like” or “identify” with that person. So having a friend, or a group of friends, who engage in excessive sexual activities or porn viewing can influence you in a very subtle, yet powerful, way.

Yes, sex addiction can be treated. You will typically want to speak with a mental health professional, like a psychologist or licensed social worker. They will help you address some of the underlying factors that are maintaining your sex or porn addiction, and teach you to cope with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy way.

Some treatment options include:

• Individual therapy
  • 30-60 minute sessions with a certified mental health professional, focused on your sexually compulsive behaviors and any co-occurring disorders.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
  • Focuses on the idea that our behaviors, emotions, and thoughts are all interrelated and works to change negative thoughts to positive thoughts and self-talk.
• Psychodynamic therapy.
  • Built around the premise that unconscious memories and conflicts affect our behavior, Psychodynamic therapy uncovers early childhood influencers of current habits or present factors that contribute to the current sex addiction.
• Dialectical-Behavioral Therapy (DBT).
  • Contains four components: skills training group, individual treatment, DBT phone coaching, and consultation team and these four components are designed to teach four skills: mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation.
• Group therapy
  • Led by qualified therapists, group therapy is designed to replace negative and detrimental behaviors with pro-social and positive ones. It provides the addict with assurance that he or she is not alone in his or her experiences.
• Couple’s counseling or Marriage counseling.
  • This can be very beneficial for the sex addict and his or her partner. Couple’s counseling can help to improve communication skills, trust, and healthy sexual functioning between partners.
• 12-step recovery.
  • Sex Addicts Anonymous imitates the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous and is a group-based model focused on acknowledging one’s powerlessness and willingness to live a life free of addiction.
• Inpatient therapy.
  • There are some inpatient recovery centers designed to treat sex and porn addiction. The patient resides at the recovery facility for the duration of treatment so that he or she can focus on the healing process without the distractions and temptations of everyday life.

To find an addiction treatment center or to find out more information about the process of treating sex and/or porn addiction, call .

There are currently no US Food and Drug Administration (FDA)-approved medications for the treatment of sex addiction.

• Although some research has been conducted, conclusive recommendations cannot be made because of a lack of randomized controlled trials.

Sex addiction and related sexual dysfunctions frequently co-occur with conditions such as anxiety and depression and can be treated with medications such as antidepressants.

• Antidepressants called SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) can decrease intense sexual urges and cravings that characterize sexual addictions by mitigating the brain’s response to rewarding behaviors.

If a patient doesn’t respond well to antidepressants, there are a couple of other options.

• Naltrexone, a drug used for the treatment of alcoholism and opioid addiction, has been shown to decrease sexually compulsive behaviors.

Additionally, anti-androgenic medications can help curb sexual cravings by decreasing the levels of male hormones in the body.

• However, there is a lack of controlled trials in research on anti-androgenic medications and severe side effects have been reported, raising questions about their overall efficacy.
• Further, the effect of anti-androgenic medications is temporary and hormone levels will return to normal once cessation occurs.

If your doctor prescribes you medication, be sure to read the label carefully and follow the doctor’s dosage instructions in order to avoid an overdose. If you feel tempted to overdose on your medication, call for help immediately.

Although there are no FDA-approved medications for sex or porn addiction, antidepressants are one of the most common medications prescribed to treat sex addiction. Antidepressants are very safe to take but can have some side effects.

• Gastrointestinal disturbances.
• Weight gain.
• Sleep disturbance.
• Anxiety.

Naltrexone, a medication used to treat alcohol and opioid addiction, has proven promising in treating sex and porn addiction. It may cause some side effects as well:

• Nervousness.
• Dizziness.
• Headache.
• Nausea.
• Vomiting.
• Diarrhea.
• Muscle or joint pain.
• Sleep disturbance.
• Rash.
• Loss of appetite.
• Stomach pain.
• Irritability.
• Drowsiness.

While these side effects may be troubling, some side effects are far more dangerous and life-threatening:

• Hallucinations.
• Confusion.
• Severe vomiting and/or diarrhea.
• Blurred vision.

Call your doctor immediately if you experience any of these serious side effects.

Anti-androgens, medications that block the effects of male hormones, present with an array of side effects:

• Impaired memory.
• Impaired concentration.
• Impaired verbal skills.
• Moodiness.
• Excessive crying.
• Depression.
• Anxiety.
• Hot flushes.
• Abdominal pain.
• Diarrhea.
• Constipation.
• Nausea/vomiting.
• Weight gain/increases in fat deposits.
• Osteoporosis.
• Decrease in muscle mass.
• Fatigue.

Drug addiction and sex addiction have similar effects on the brain–both primarily influence the brain’s reward system through a neurotransmitter called dopamine. When a person satisfies a need or desire that is vital to survival or reproduction, dopamine is released, causing the person to experience pleasure or euphoria. This reinforces the expectation of reward and increases the desire to engage in the underlying behavior.

• The use of a drug stimulates the release of dopamine and mimics those behaviors necessary for survival, causing a person to become increasingly reliant on drugs for the release of dopamine.
• Sex addiction works in a similar manner; each time a sex addict partakes in sexual behaviors, he or she experiences a rush of endorphins, creating a powerful incentive to engage in the behavior again.
• This perpetuates a vicious cycle and the person finds that he or she is driven and controlled by the desire for reward.

This is what makes it so difficult for addicts to quit and why professional help should be sought.

Many sex addicts believe that they are in control of their behaviors, but without proper treatment, they can develop dependence. It’s important to know the signs and symptoms of dependence, so that you can seek help immediately. A few signs include:

• Loss of control around sexual activity.
• Development of withdrawal symptoms.
• Preoccupation with desire for sexual behavior.
• Avoiding responsibilities and/or enjoyable activities in favor of sexual behavior.

Perhaps the most important sign that one is dependent on sex is that the person continues to partake in sexual behavior despite negative consequences caused by the behavior, such as:

• Failing marriage.
• Missing work.
• Ruining friendships.
• Health problems.
• Financial problems.

Withdrawal is a characteristic feature of chemical addictions and reports indicate that individuals struggling with sexual addictions frequently report experiencing withdrawal after a reduction in sexual activity. Withdrawal symptoms can include but are not limited to:

• Irritability.
• Craving.
• Depression.
• Restlessness.
• Anxiety.
• Guilt or shame.

It is important to note that no two sex addicts are the same and that withdrawal symptoms may vary.

There is a significant correlation between sexual addiction and substance use disorders:

• According to some research, an estimated 40-64% of sex addicts also have a substance abuse disorder.
• Alcohol abuse is most common, present in 30-40%, followed by marijuana abuse, present in 18-21. 7%.

Treating co-occurring addictions is a complex process. Medical professionals must assess the pattern of drug use and sexual behaviors and how they relate to each other. Research indicates that there are two important things to consider when evaluating the relation:

• Whether the addictions are alternating or parallel.
• Whether they interact in an escalating manner.

Once the interaction of multiple addictions is assessed, then proper treatment can be administered.

While some sex addicts use substances in order to cope with the pain and guilt caused by their sexual behaviors, others use them to enhance the sexual experience. If you think that you have issues with both sex addiction and substance addiction, it is critical to your recovery that you find a treatment center that can cater to both of these addictions.

There seems to be a high correlation between sex addiction and psychiatric conditions, particularly mood, anxiety and personality disorders.

• According to some research, around 40% of individuals struggling with a sexual addiction or compulsion also have a history of mood disorders such as depression.
• The correlation between depression and sex addiction is one of the reasons that antidepressants can be useful when treating sex addiction.

Clinical depression, which is often co-occurring with sex addiction, is a serious mental health illness that, if left untreated, can be life-threatening. Typical symptoms include:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood.
• Feelings of hopelessness.
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness.
• Loss of interest in hobbies and activities.
• Fatigue.

Difficulty concentrating on tasks.

• Sleeping too much or too little.
• Restlessness, irritability.
• Suicide thoughts or attempts.

Again, if you are a sex addict and believe that you suffer from depression, contact your medical provider immediately. It is pertinent that your treatment plan addresses both your depression and sex addiction.

7 signs of sexually addicted people

Sexual addiction, or "hypersexuality", is a term that is not very clear to most people. Some, when they hear the word "sexy", immediately call themselves addicts, because they think it's very cool. It seems like a sexaholic - it means that you are a good lover, and you can and know everything, and you have more partners than Genghis Khan had mistresses, and all of them are necessarily beautiful, like supermodels. And here it is not.

Hypersexuality as a human norm lasts a very short period - youthfulness - after which it can be safely considered a serious mental disorder. You need to understand that love for sex and sexual addiction are completely different things. Most sexually mature people love sex, and this does not prevent them from living and interacting with other people at all. But sexaholism is a completely different phenomenon. Here, a person around the clock is captivated by a single thought - about sex. At the same time, the sexual act itself no longer brings them pleasure, but becomes a necessity for further existence. Sex addiction, despite its seeming innocence, is a behavior in which not only the addict suffers, but also those around him, friends and family. We have identified for you several signs by which you can calculate a sexaholic.

They are always late

Sexaholics lose their sense of time, which causes them to be constantly late. Certified narcologist and founder of the Institute for Sexual Recovery in the USA, Mike Weiss, believes that "regular delays can be evidence of addiction, including sexual addiction. This happens because with any addiction, the rest of life fades into the background and ceases to seem important to a person."

They lie

Of course, as the unforgettable Dr. House said, everyone lies. But the sexaholic lies especially. When it comes to sex, his (or her) lies will be very coherent, correct and verified in seconds - the habit of hiding has made them brilliant actors. They know what excuse is best now, what you will believe and how to present all these lies correctly. If a sex addict does not try to fight with himself, then most often he becomes a pathological liar, even outside of sexual activity. His lies seem to him more logical and attractive than the real world, and over time, most sexually addicted people can no longer distinguish truth from their own fiction.

They love unprotected sex

It is clear that almost every guy at least once said the well-known sacramental phrase about a condom and a gas mask, and every girl rolled her eyes after that. True, for all normal people, common sense defeats ridiculous prejudices, and they protect both their own health and the health of their partner. But not just sex addicts. In 99% of cases, they flatly refuse to use any method of contraception, especially condoms. They are not afraid of disease or accidental pregnancy. Are you ready to take such risks and rely on chance? We don't think.

They pay for sex

Sooner or later, any sexually addicted person realizes that paying for sex is much easier than just finding a partner. It can be both real and virtual (on the Internet or by phone) sex. The main thing is that "after" you can not explain anything.

They masturbate before, during and even after sex

Over time, even the best partner ceases to give pleasure to the sexaholic. Then endless self-satisfaction begins. Sexologists assure that such behavior has no personal overtones in relation to the partner. It's just that sexually addicted people, like people with any other addiction, need an urgent and quick "repayment" of their own needs. Otherwise, they move on to the next stage - irritation.

They get irritated when they don't have sex

Sex addicts really can't live without a "fix" of sex. Their addiction, like any other, leads to instability, uncontrollable anger and sometimes incapacity. For such people, sex ceases to be just a pleasure, it becomes necessary for them simply in order to be able to calmly be in society for a while. The more dependent a person is, the less time he can think about anything other than his own satisfaction.

If you suspect your partner of being sexually addicted, it is. For example, if at some point you noticed excessive secrecy on the part of a partner or some qualitative changes in his / her behavior. Psychologists in such cases are advised to trust yourself.

Yes, individually, all of the above can occur in perfectly healthy people. However, if you or your friend have noticed at least a few points at once, then you may need to contact a specialist. Sex addiction is a rather complex problem, although it is not officially considered a disease. It is difficult to diagnose it, because this dependence is not always manifested outwardly, an addicted person can behave absolutely normally. However, this does not mean that the problem does not exist. Timely help from a psychologist or sexologist can prevent a lot of problems associated with sexaholism.

What is Sexual Addiction - Afisha Daily

Afisha Daily talked to a man and woman who believe they suffer from sex addiction and asked a sexologist to dispel the myths surrounding this phenomenon.

Irina, 31 years old

Medical analyst

About awareness

At the age of 13, I began to be very interested in sex — I thought it was the same with everyone. Then there were a lot of books for girls, where they wrote about the first time and about how it should be. In these books they never said (and I specifically looked for) what to do if you really want to, but there is no one to do it with. Then I thought that something was probably wrong with me, since there was no answer to my question.

Public attitudes still influenced me. For example, I decided to keep my virginity until a certain point. Because of this, I refused vaginal sex and settled for other forms of sex. The first erotic experiences were even before I was 14. I had 4-5 guys a year, and with all of them I did petting and oral sex. I didn’t do much masturbation, and I still don’t know how to do it very well. At 15, I lost my virginity with my first love.

Difficulties

Mom caught me with a boyfriend when I was 15. I never talked to her about my peculiarities, but I think she guesses. One day she said a phrase from which it became clear: she is aware that I constantly need a partner.

There were sometimes problems at school because of my relationships with boys. One day my good friend, with whom we had sex, got drunk and started telling his friends how much fun he had with me. And we have a small town, rumors spread quickly. This resulted in a small scandal: my reputation suffered, and I was terribly offended by a friend - we never talked again.

There were some rumors. But I am an honest, clean person. I won't take anyone away. I don’t understand why take a husband or boyfriend away: there are a lot of free ones. And in my university, everyone had their oddities. My girlfriends did not understand me, because they were mostly virgins, but they treated me calmly.

Already after three weeks of abstinence, my hands began to shake, I had big problems with sleep and food

My mother was most afraid that I would become pregnant, and this happened in the second year. She thought that I would leave the institute, but this did not happen, I finished my studies. We got married, among other things, in order to reassure our parents. The first year after the birth of the child, there was no strong desire, but then everything became as before. The marriage broke up after a few years, but not because of sex. I just felt like I outgrew that relationship.

At that time, twice a week was enough for me. It seems to me that this is an average, especially when you are 20 years old and you have a regular partner. But without those two times a week, I really couldn't function properly. After about a week without sex, obsessive thoughts appeared, aggression increased. From age 14 to 25, my longest break was one month. After three weeks of abstinence, my hands began to shake, I had big problems with sleep and food. I don't know for sure because I don't have any other dependencies, but I think it looks like a break. I climbed the wall. By the end of the month, I was not human.

I always realized that this was a problem, because this feature had to be constantly adjusted: like, for example, if we need to eat, we need to get food somewhere. When I needed to move to another city, I really tensed up: how come, I don’t have anyone there, so I urgently need to find someone, otherwise I won’t be able to function normally. You need to think about this all the time: you need to have a partner all the time, and if you don’t have one, you need to look for it.

It was difficult to arrange all this logistics: for example, no one can come this week, but everyone can come the next

Often I had several constant lovers: someone came once a week, and someone came twice. I did not seek sexual contact with different people - it was more of a necessity, because I need more sex than others. To be honest, even then I would gladly have one. I would not say that in my life there were just a huge number of partners: maybe 30. I have been with the same man for eight years now.

All lovers were aware that this was not an exclusive relationship. I can't lie and invent. Moreover, it was so difficult to build all this logistics: for example, no one can come this week, but everyone can come the next. One night stands were common, but I never liked putting in so much effort for one night. Especially since the first time is usually not the best.

The main problem is that my behavior was very different from what people expect from a woman. They expect you to break down, so you need to take care of it. But with me it's the other way around: first give me sex, and then courtship. I couldn't wait a month to be invited on a date. I took the bull by the horns, and many were frightened. I said that if you can't come twice a week, I need someone else. If my partner and I, for example, lived together, he simply knew that it was impossible to leave me for a long time. For two weeks it is possible, but more than three is quite heroism on my part.

One day after my divorce from my first husband, I didn't have sex for a week or two. I was riding the subway and saw a young man that I liked. I didn’t even ask his name, but simply said: “Do you want to come home to me?” He said: "I want." I brought him to me. We had sex, he left - and that's it.

Partners were from work, school, bars and nightclubs. I don’t understand at all why go to nightclubs if you don’t go out with someone. It seemed to me that this was a continuation of the night. What is the point of going there, suffering, staying up all night and leaving alone?

More on the topic

Monologues of girls looking for a one night stand

Monologues of girls looking for a one night stand

About the difference between men and women they say: “If he loves, let him wait six months” - or something like that. I know some people just can't wait.

There are no people with sexual addiction among my acquaintances. As a teenager, I thought that others were the same as me, especially guys. At first it seemed to me that all men should always want sex, and someone can just restrain himself so as not to cheat on his wife. It turned out that many men in general very rarely need sex - about once a month. They show on TV that men always want sex. It's probably hard for them to live with it.

It's difficult for a woman with a sex addiction because society denies the existence of such women on principle

I had one semi-erotic experience with a girl I liked, but didn't go any further. I realized that everything is very difficult with women. First, it was not clear whether she wanted to continue or not. Everything is easy with men, and most importantly, they almost always like it. After that, I greatly respected my men. It seemed to me that they were doing a difficult job that I could not do.

On the one hand, it is difficult for a woman with sexual addiction, because society denies the existence of such women in principle. There is a feeling that you live in a gray field. On the other hand, a man with a sexual addiction needs to make efforts to satisfy his needs: pay money, lie, buy something. A woman, especially a young one, is easier in this sense. Went out and took it. And rarely does anyone refuse.

Perhaps there is no addiction now, because I feel good with my husband. Before, especially in my teens, it was difficult for me to achieve an orgasm. The partner really had to try for this. Although if there was no orgasm in sex, it was still valuable to me, because it relieved some of the tension.

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Sexting: why people send intimate photos to each other

Aleksey, 30 years old

Entrepreneur partners, I mean girls) there weren’t very many, so I didn’t pay attention to my peculiarity. I had a serious relationship twice, which lasted almost ten years in total. They came to an end primarily because the partners were much less interested in sex than I was. I can't approach sex mechanically when I just twitched and that's it. And the partners were very often ready to have sex, because I needed it. It did not suit me at all, because the emotional component was absent.

When I was in a long-term relationship, I could have sex with one of my girlfriends. It is important for me to know a person - probably, this is largely about safety. I can only speak of sex with a stranger from the subway as an abstract fantasy. When you can open up to a person and engage in all sorts of harmless perversions with him, the level of trust rises, you reach a more intimate level of communication. This is why I have sex.

Sometimes when we go home, I can masturbate five more times while watching porn

A little less than six months ago, I had a permanent partner, with whom we, fortunately, coincided. We can have sex three or four times a day. The only problem is that then there is not enough time for anything. I think the acute phase of addiction is still going on for me. Sometimes, when we go home, I can masturbate five more times while watching porn.

In total, I had about 40 or 50 partners - I honestly lost count when there were about 20. Of course, I often need new people, but I prefer to go in the direction of quality, because over time and I open up, and people open up. They say that many women do not experience orgasm during sex, but in my experience, very many are capable of even squirting. For most partners, I was the first person they felt it with. But this never happens for the first time and even in the first week of sexual relations.

Challenges

My job depends on being able to get people to buy a product. We create quite expensive products, and they take a lot of time, inspiration and involvement are required in production. But when sexual desire is a priority, the work gets up. Instead of doing it, you sit all the time on dating sites, watch pornography, go on dates. In fact, sex is very labor-intensive and time-consuming. If you do not have a permanent partner and you need a lot of sex, it can take almost all the time to search. Also, when you work with your peers, you begin to perceive them as sexual objects. In some cases, this was not very convenient.

Unfortunately, I asked for help. It is very difficult to find a good specialist: in Moscow they are terribly expensive - and as a result, I found a psychologist from a large provincial city, with whom we communicated via Skype. It was a bad experience: I got the impression that she had a very poor understanding of what I was talking about. After a couple of months of work, we did not come to anything.

Most of the information I got from books: it was useful at least in order to direct my own energy in a creative direction. I can’t say that I have solved all my problems: I still spend a lot of time on sex and little on work. What I'm most interested in is how to connect my own sexuality, which takes up a good half of me, with the rest of me, which has to earn money and establish business connections. I don't know the answer to this question yet.

If someone I knew found out about my features and started saying something negative, I wouldn't care. I myself can name ten reasons why I don't like it

Too much sex can lead to inflammation of the prostate and other consequences. I don't know if everything is fine with me in this regard. It would be worth going to the doctor. But I am regularly tested for HIV and hepatitis; and STDs should be checked more often. When there is no permanent partner, I make sure to check in about once every three months. I use a condom with a non-permanent partner, but not with a regular one.

I think it doesn't matter what society thinks. If one of my acquaintances found out about my features and began to say something negative, I would not care. I myself can name ten reasons why I don't like it. If they are stupid enough not to understand and accept me, that is their problem. But at the same time, I do not stick out my sexual side and do not connect it with everyday life: what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.

At the same time, I am not interested in group sex without a permanent partner - for me this is a joint adventure, team building, if I may say so

I almost never talked about sex with men, so I can only talk about the behavior of women. According to my observations, if a girl has a bright sexuality, she turns on only when the girl is in love. And when she is not in love, her libido drops to almost zero. One of my acquaintances is married for a long time, and she and her husband have almost no sex, but when she falls in love (and she fell in love with me, for example), it can turn into five times a day.

About the reasons

I have no answer to the question why I am like this. My biggest problem is not that I need a lot of sex, but that I am obsessed with group sex. Even if I have sex with one person, I still have fantasies about the fact that he is not alone. It turns me on, and for partners it means that I don’t really appreciate the relationship. At the same time, I am not interested in group sex without a permanent partner - for me this is a joint adventure, team building, so to speak. But in fact, it is very difficult to find even a third partner (and I would rather like it to be a man). It is necessary that both me and the partner like the person, and that we all coincide. I had group sex, but it was all far from being satisfied. Now I want to close this gestalt and stop thinking about it.

I am sure that there are practically no people who would meet all the standards. Probably, some deviations are accompanied by hypersexuality, some - complete asexuality, which I also met. I can't say what I have. Maybe just curiosity and a desire to explore. For sure, I can only say that it entails, I like it and I just can't stop. It's probably like with drugs.

Details on the topic

How and why to talk about sex with a partner

How and why to talk about sex with a partner

Amina Nazaralieva

Psychotherapist, sexologist, leading specialist of the Mental Health Center

you are attracted to people of the same gender, fetishes, domination and submission - this does not mean that you have a sexual addiction. Just like drinking and enjoying alcohol does not make you an alcoholic.

If you or your partner don't like something about your sexual behavior, that doesn't make you a sex addict either. Also, one should not confuse people who commit sexual crimes with people who are sexually addicted. The latter, in the overwhelming majority of cases, enter into a voluntary and not prohibited by law relationship.

It is not uncommon for sex addicts to lead a kind of double life, hide their connections, feel ashamed of their behavior and fear being exposed. When it negatively affects work, family relationships, health, when you become infected with sexually transmitted diseases and infect others. In general, when you experience repeated intense experiences associated with sexual fantasies, impulses, urges, and behaviors that cause distress and psychosocial problems.

Typical signs of sexual addiction include constant porn viewing (with or without masturbation), frequent sex with new partners (when contacts are anonymous and for one night only), sexting, hours of texting with partners, excessive use of dating apps, including special applications for fast sex. Often, sex addicts lead a kind of double life, hide their connections, feel shame for their behavior and are afraid of exposure. Sexual fantasies, finding a partner, and having sex take up a disproportionate amount of their time. They experience incredible excitement from anticipation, search, seduction, but sex brings only short relief. At the same time, the person again and again promises himself to stop, but he cannot and, as if in a fog, finds himself in a situation that he avoided.

It is considered a problem when these or more of these signs have been observed for at least six months, and the person in question is over 18 years old.

Contrary to popular belief, sex addicts are not perverts and degraded people. These are ordinary people that we meet every day. Many of them grew up in an unstable family, lived next to relatives with mental disorders or alcoholism, where they did not have the experience of secure attachment. Some have been sexually abused, traumatized. Some sex addicts were raised by a narcissistic parent who gave warmth and approval only when the child did what the parent wanted. The child did not get the experience of intimacy and grew up without learning how to satisfy his needs within the framework of close relationships, where a person shows his vulnerability and healthy dependence on a partner. Unaccustomed to intimacy, comfort, trust and security, they derive satisfaction from intense emotions, including those associated with sex. Today, many therapists view such behavior as coping, that is, helping people cope with negative emotions. This pattern of behavior works, relieves tension for a while, but that is why it is so difficult to get rid of it.

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Sexologist Mikhail Yagubov: “Sexual relations are much more than just sexual intercourse”

Sexologist Mikhail Yagubov: “Sexual relations are much more than just sexual intercourse”

In Russia and in everything the rest of the world is now using ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases 10th revision. - Note ed. ). It has a category F52.7 - increased sexual desire. My experience with fellow sexologists shows that they are not inclined to make this diagnosis. They code it according to the leading symptomatology, often in the categories of mood disorders, personality disorders, or sexual deviations.

The prevalence of sexual dependence disorders is 3–6%, although no large epidemiological studies have been conducted. Most sex addicts are men. The onset of the disorder usually occurs in late adolescence. Perhaps the lower number of women in the studies is due to stigma and cultural characteristics that lead them to withhold information.

Treatment of the disorder is difficult due to the lack of research in this area. It usually requires a combination of pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy. In my practice, I rarely meet with people who turn to me specifically in connection with sexual addiction. Usually, a pre-divorce situation or an increase in anxiety symptoms, depression due to the loss of a partner - that is, some kind of crisis - lead to people's therapy.

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