Why are some people so angry

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Why Am I Always Angry? Causes, Signs, and More I Psych Central

Anger is a natural human emotion, but when it feels constant and unrelenting, it may be a sign of something more such as stress or anxiety.

It’s OK to get angry. Life doesn’t always happen in the way you want or need, and anger is a natural response to feeling wronged.

In fact, anger is considered one of the basic forms of emotion, critical to survival. Anger can kick off your biological threat responses, activating everything from your cardiovascular system to your neurological system.

But anger that is constant, excessive, or uncontrollable may go beyond levels that are beneficial and instead hinder you in day-to-day functioning.

There are many reasons you might experience anger in the moment, but anger all the time might have underlying causes.

On-going oppression and ancestral trauma

Tavi Hawn, a licensed clinical social worker from Baltimore, Maryland, explains that constant anger can be a result of socioeconomic factors, particularly for marginalized groups.

“Members of groups that have historically been subjected to oppression often experience higher levels of daily stress related to systemic factors, such as poverty, health conditions, discrimination, and even hate crimes,” they note. “All these daily experiences combined can lead to feeling very angry as a response.”

Grief

Hawn also indicates that active, compounded, or unresolved grief can contribute to ongoing feelings of anger.

“Our society today, with a need to be working constantly to make a living, doesn’t allow space and time for many people to grieve,” they say. “Having to keep on moving without a break to process a loss, without others around you acknowledging the loss, can create unresolved grief which can cause constant feelings of anger.”

Expectations

While there may be many underlying causes that contribute to anger, Dr. Juli Kramer, a counseling psychologist specializing in Chinese medicine, indicates that persistent anger can often be traced back to expectations.

“Holding expectations is a dominant source of anger from my counseling experience,” she says. “Sometimes the expectations are realistic, but most often not. People feel a constant ‘let down’ when those expectations aren’t met.”

Stress

Joni Ogle, a licensed clinical social worker from Los Angeles, lists several everyday reasons that can make you feel constantly angry when they happen over long periods of time.

These chronic stressors can include:

• feeling not in control or helpless
• being made to feel inferior
• not being listened to
• being disrespected
• feeling threatened

“But if you find yourself angry almost always, it might be worth considering whether there are other underlying issues at play,” she says.

Anger can be passive, assertive, or aggressive. It’s not always violent, and it doesn’t have to result in harm.

Everyone experiences and expresses anger in their own way. Common signs that you may be feeling anger include:

• elevated body temperature
• sweating
• rapid heartbeat
• muscle tension
• headache
• flushed skin
• clenched jaw
• chest constriction
• pacing
• yelling
• arguing
• sarcasm
• cursing
• physical expression (e. g., throwing or breaking objects, physical violence)

Signs of anger may be accompanied by emotions such as:

• humiliation
• disrespect
• insecurity
• rejection
• jealousy
• abandonment
• fear

You may also notice your thoughts move toward revenge, seeking justice, or wanting atonement.

Unrelenting anger can sometimes be a sign of a mental health condition.

While challenges with emotional regulation can be a symptom of several conditions, Ogle indicates that anger can often relate to:

• anxiety disorders
• depression
• bipolar disorder
• personality disorders
• substance use disorders

Conduct disorders, such as intermittent explosive disorder (IED) and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), may also feature traits of anger and aggression.

“If you’re living with chronic anger, it’s important to talk with a mental health professional who can help you determine whether or not you have a mental health condition that might be contributing to your anger,” she says.

While it’s natural to experience anger, uncontrolled anger can have a negative impact on your life.

“People can start to avoid us because we’re not pleasant to be around or because our anger can be stressful to others,” Hawn states. “It can make it harder to compromise on things, which is key in relationships. Explosive anger can be scary to those around us and even be tied to abusive behaviors. It can end relationships altogether.”

In addition to social ramifications, uncontrolled anger can affect your physical and mental well-being. According to research from 2010, it may contribute to health challenges such as cardiovascular complications, diabetes, and eating disorders.

Understanding “why am I so angry?” is just one piece of the puzzle. In addition to finding where that emotion comes from, relief may require coping strategies.

Discovering the real emotion

Hawn recommends reflecting back when you realize you’re stuck in angry feelings.

They suggest, “Ask yourself: Is there another emotion that happened right before the anger? If so, what led to that emotion? How can I feel and honor that emotion? If not, what message is my anger giving me? Maybe a boundary was crossed, maybe I saw someone being mistreated or hurt and know it was unjust, etc. ”

Stepping away

If you’re always feeling angry during certain events or around certain people, it’s OK to step away.

Kramer suggests that removing yourself from the situation may be required when you’re angry. “Literally, they [should] excuse themselves and walk away,” Kramer says. “Easy to say, hard to do. Having an ally, someone with whom they have a code word or cues to help them know when to leave is helpful.”

Once you’ve stepped away, Kramer suggests box breathing:

• inhale for 4 to 7 counts
• hold your breath for 4 to 7 counts
• exhale for 4 to 7 counts
• repeat until the anger is diminished

Practicing relaxation techniques

“There are several relaxation techniques that can help you calm down when you’re feeling angry,” says Ogle. “Try things such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing exercises. This is a good start to learning how to control your anger overall.”

Lifestyle changes and outlets

Ogle indicates that some lifestyle changes can help you manage anger.

“Eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly can all help to improve your mood and reduce stress levels,” she says.

Exercise, art, recreational hobbies, and sports can also be used as outlets when you find yourself wondering, “why am I so angry?”

Support

Sometimes anger requires the support and insight of a mental health professional.

Working with a therapist can help you uncover underlying causes of anger and can help you explore coping strategies that work for you.

You may also benefit from joining support groups, online or in person, where anger management strategies can be discussed in an empathetic setting.

Yes. Venting can be OK.

“It’s important to have an outlet for your anger, whether that means talking with a friend or writing in a journal,” says Ogle. “Venting allows you to express your anger in a safe and controlled way, without hurting yourself or someone else.”

But venting can be unhelpful if it’s used to lash out at or harm others, makes you feel angrier, or starts to happen as a regular method of expression.

Asking yourself, “why am I so angry” can be the first clue that your anger has stuck around longer than it should.

While there are many reasons for anger to become a constant in your life, socioeconomic factors, chronic stressors, and underlying mental health conditions may all play a role.

Long-term anger can negatively impact your mental and physical well-being, but coping strategies and support from a mental health professional can help.

Why people are angry: 7 facts from a book that has no bad reviews

1. Let's start with the main idea of ​​the book: it cannot be argued that aggression and violence are the result of only an upbringing environment, a conversation with another person or an irritant. The manifestation of anger is the influence of a number of factors . From the evolution of worms to the last phone call. The manifestation of aggression is associated with intrauterine development, nutrition, place of residence, hormone production, and external circumstances. All these factors affect the propensity to aggression equally.

2. The amygdala is the main part of the brain that is responsible for aggression. Damage to it (trauma or brain tumor) can provoke inappropriate behavior. For example, Charles Whitman with an IQ above 130 worked as a leading engineer, participated in a church choir, was an exemplary husband, but in 1966 he killed his beloved wife and mother, and then shot 14 people from the 28th floor of the University of Texas. An autopsy of the brain showed a tumor in his head, which pressed on the tonsil, which was one of the reasons for his violence. Pure biology.

3. The frontal cortex is fully functional only when a person reaches 20-25 years of age. Its belated development largely justifies the heightened sense of justice in young people. They assess the risks of behavior worse, therefore they do not control aggression.

4. Aggression is closely related to testosterone levels . Therefore, men are naturally more aggressive than women. A decrease in testosterone levels reduces aggression, but does not completely suppress it, because it depends not only on this factor (see point 1).

5. Oxytocin and vasopressin are responsible for trust, strong marital relationships, warm relationships with children. In one fun experiment, couples were asked to discuss some kind of conflict situation, while oxytocin was injected into their nose - as a result, they spoke more peacefully and released less stress hormones. But these neuropeptides also work the other way around. They strengthen the I+U bond and make us cruel to others (We+They) . At the same time, low levels of oxytocin make us cruel towards loved ones, which breeds violence.

6. Stress is another reason people do bad things . It occurs under the influence of cortisol and prednisolone. In this case, the effect of stress has the form of an inverted "U" (parabolic). And while mild stress we are chasing (such as an unusually fast car ride) causes elevations in mood and performance, long-term and persistent stress increases amygdala activity and weakens cortical activity.

7. Much in adult life determines the style of upbringing in childhood: authoritarian, authoritative or liberal . Those who were brought up with the words "Because I said so!" and to whom physical punishment was applied (authoritarian style), in 33% of cases they become the same offenders. In adult relationships, they often look for a partner who would offend them too. Childhood poverty also slows down the development of the frontal cortex.

Authoritative style is the most effective , parents listen to the wishes and opinions of children, support potential and independence, here encouragement is higher than punishment. This is how happy, emotionally and socially mature people grow up. Liberal style implies permissiveness . Here there is a risk that the child will grow up unrestrained, with inadequate social skills.

In some respects, we are indistinguishable from animals. When we get scared, we release the same hormone as a fish that is being chased by a shark. Our brains have no special cellular or chemical composition—our neurons, neurotransmitters, and neuropeptides are about the same as those of a fly. Our unique difference lies in the number of these neurons: for every fly neuron, we have myriads of neurons and myriads of myriads of neural connections.

We are unique, and each of our actions can be viewed on hundreds of levels . Evil is, of course, bad, but if it did not exist, how could we appreciate the boundlessness of human kindness?

Why are people so angry? | PSYCHOLOGIES

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Interview

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Why are our people so angry? Some secretary is sitting in the waiting room, and you can’t get through it alive. What's the matter?

Natalia Inina: Such behavior is called neurotic: a person burdens the situation with something completely different from what it should be in reality. The task of the secretary is to help the boss organize his time, and not yell at someone. It used to be everywhere, remember any cashier, salesman, everyone tried to demonstrate their power in their small place. It can be assumed that these people in life (not necessarily in childhood) were often humiliated, and strength or weakness became the language of their communication: either I press, or they press me. This mechanism is called "projection": I experienced pain, something stuck in me, and now this time bomb begins to function. The projection mechanism was described by Freud, and this is not always related to childhood, it can also be related to experiences experienced in adolescence, and in youth, and even in adulthood. “Blowing off steam”, a person experiences short-term pleasure, relief, but since the real problem has not been resolved, the situation persists. And a person will cling, humiliate, use power in order to recoup. Only when he turns his face to the past, when he begins to remember or work with a psychologist on the problem that is painful for him, then there is a chance that the projection mechanism will be stopped. But, unfortunately, these people rarely turn to specialists for help.

What should the victim do in such a situation? Often he is forced to continue to communicate with those who offended him.

N.I.: You know what they say, people who are sick are not offended: you can't react to people who are inadequate. Let's take a psychiatrist: let's say his patients accuse him of stealing their money, but he won't take it seriously. For him, this will be evidence of pathology, he will take a detached position. Of course, the difference between us and a psychiatrist is that we are not ready for this kind of behavior, but I can’t advise anything else here.

There is such a marker: behavior in the elevator. What do the inhabitants of our country, entering the elevator with a stranger? They stick to the phone, turn their backs and put headphones in their ears. In Europe, they say hello and say a couple of friendly phrases...

NI: Many different aspects come together here. First, the elevator is a situation that is aggressive in itself. Each person should have a personal space where the other does not enter, and the elevator is an a priori violation of this space. Note that in an elevator, people tend not to make eye contact with each other, as this enhances the feeling of the space being violated. Instinctively, a person demonstrates to another a way out of contact. If we take the second level of the problem, then it is clear that there were 70 years of Soviet power in our country and after that it was not easy.0 years. Here I will quote the theory of the influence of culture on the formation of the personality of Lev Vygotsky, historically we have a very high level of suppressed aggression, anxiety, tension. In Europe, there was no such long-term suppression of the individual and freedom, long-term humiliation of dignity. You see, Moses led the Jews through the desert for 40 years so that they would forget slavery, so that new people would be born, probably, and we need to be patient. On the other hand, we need to engage in enlightenment and raising the level of education and culture of our fellow citizens. And a cultured person will never be a fanatic, an aggressor, a power lover.

We have a lot of painfully shy people who mask their shyness with arrogance. What is this from?

N. I.: If we talk about adults, it is rather not about shyness, but about tension. People subconsciously expect trouble: we were brought up by our country, where, with such a shaky and not always working law, everything can be expected. It is enough to look at how Europeans and Russians behave at passport control: ours are very tense, a scandal may begin or find out who is first and who is last. The other line is shy children. In our culture, there is a rather pronounced tendency to put pressure on the child, to demand submission from him, to laugh at the proposal to respect him. Respect, are you laughing, or what? He must, like a soldier, correspond to what I want and say. Of course, such a child is depressed, he is afraid, he is compressed, the boys go into covert aggression, the girls into shyness. Children's shyness and inability to behave are very strongly associated with fear, awkwardness, and lack of experience. To the behavior of parents, add the way teachers in kindergartens can behave, in the same way teachers allow themselves to behave, in particular, completely unceremoniously reprimand adults. You see, in our culture there is very little mutual respect, and such a thing as dignity is generally forgotten. Dignity, nobility, delicacy, simple Christian truths: treat others the way you want to be treated. All this is not grafted into our society.

Is it necessary to deal with shyness in childhood? For example: a girl performs at a concert in the evening, and in the morning she says that her stomach hurts. But then it turns out that she's just scared.

NI: This is called psychosomatics: the child is not confident in his abilities, he is afraid that he will not cope, and this concerns a certain level of anxiety, which is already characteristic of the child. In order to respond correctly, parents should read books on child psychology. If we understand that a two-year-old child should not be fed fried potatoes because it is harmful to his health, we know this not naturally, but because we read articles on healthy eating. You also need to understand his psychology, and for this you need to understand your own psychology too. Moreover, psychology is not as obvious as physiology. If I am sick, then it is obvious to everyone. If I start to get sick psychologically, then this is how it turns out that I will say ten times that my stomach hurts. And some other mother will call a doctor, and the daughter will continue to do so: do not solve any difficult situation, but cover it up with pain in the abdomen. To go into illness from a collision with real life.

Recently, the attitude towards children has swung like a pendulum: before, a child was a second-class creature, but now it has become an object of worship. The result is debatable.

NI: You know, for example, at the age of four, a child should be uncomfortable and, in a sense, naughty. He should be inquisitive, asking questions, climbing somewhere all the time. And whether he is obedient or not - this already depends on the wisdom and education of the parents, because there is a simple psychological rule: the child is always “yes”, and sometimes the behavior of the child is “no”. The child must feel that he is loved as such, a priori. And we have a custom: "you behave well - I love you, you behave badly - I do not love you." Of course, I do not say these words, but I demonstrate it: I do not look into the eyes, I ignore, I am silent, I do not communicate. The child perceives this as a rejection, as if they do not love him for something, and this is a gross violation of the basics of education. The child must live in an absolute atmosphere of unconditional love.

Another question, when he messes up, he needs to warmly but firmly say: "You know, I love you very much, but you can't behave like that." Express categorical disagreement with this behavior. At some point, the parent must demonstrate that he does not speak in such a tone and does not intend to discuss such issues. And stand on it to the end, because very often you see how parents react irascibly, and then fade out after five minutes. It is impossible to think of anything worse if the parents are inconsistent, if they are winded from one end to the other. And you are absolutely right about the roll of society in the other direction: "We were not allowed to do anything, and now we will arrange real freedom for our children." As a result, we do not teach children respect, we do not teach children that the other person has their own personal boundaries that need to be seen and appreciated.

And what to do about it?

NI: It takes a lot of energy to remind people that they will be treated the way they deserve. It is much nicer to see respectful, cultural treatment from our children, but they will only behave this way after we show them this example.

Meeting with psychologist Natalia Inina will take place in St. Petersburg on March 29-31. Natalia Vladimirovna comes to the presentation of her third edition of the book “Childhood test.

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