When someone invalidates your feelings
What Is Emotional Invalidation? I Psych Central
Emotional invalidation can be hurtful, but learning to recognize it might help prevent its effects.
Validation is the acceptance of a person’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Invalidation, then, is just the opposite — when a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors are rejected, judged, or ignored.
Invalidation can affect anyone at any age, and whether you’re a child or adult, invalidation can be upsetting and painful.
Emotional invalidation from yourself or from others can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-isolation. These feelings can then impact your day-to-day life — at work, at home, and in your relationships.
In some cases, emotional invalidation can lead to other negative emotions and even mental health conditions. But it doesn’t have to.
Understanding invalidation and knowing how to recognize it can help you learn to better deal with it when it arises.
Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It says to someone: “Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong.”
Emotional invalidation can make you feel unimportant or irrational. It can take many forms and happen at any time.
Some people use it intentionally as a tool to manipulate you by making you question your feelings. They might say something like: “I’m sure it wasn’t really that bad.”
Others might do it unintentionally by trying to cheer you up in a stressful situation. This might sound like: “Everything happens for a reason” or “It could be worse.” Though this type of emotional invalidation is done by accident with well-meaning intentions, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Emotional invalidation doesn’t just have to be verbal, either.
It can also involve nonverbal actions such as rolling your eyes, ignoring the person, or playing on your phone while someone is talking.
No matter how it happens, emotional invalidation can create confusion and distrust.
Relationship woes? Our advice columnist wants to hear from you!
Submit your anonymous questions here for Sex, Love, and All of the Above from Psych Central sex and relationships writer Morgan Mandriota.
Then subscribe to our weekly newsletter to find out if your question is featured.
Emotional invalidation often happens when you’re expressing your feelings or talking about an experience.
People often invalidate someone because they’re unable to process that person’s emotions. They might be preoccupied with their own problems or not know how to respond in the moment.
Invalidation can also be used as an argument strategy. It gives the appearance of supporting the way someone feels, while distancing or avoiding taking responsibility for their role in those emotions.
Emotional invalidation can look like blaming, name calling, and problem-solving before understanding the other person’s experience. Playing down another person’s experience is another way to invalidate.
Emotional invalidation statements
- It could be worse
- You’re too sensitive
- You’re overreacting
- You shouldn’t feel that way
- I know exactly how you feel
- Just let it go
- You take everything so personally
- You make a big deal out of everything
- I don’t see the problem
- You shouldn’t be so [any feeling the person has expressed]
- How do you think that makes me feel?
- I don’t want to have this conversation
- Stop making things up
- That didn’t happen
Emotional invalidation can cause a number of consequences:
- Problems managing emotions: Emotional invalidation can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and distrust in your own emotions.
It communicates that your inner thoughts and feelings are “wrong.” With repeated exposure, you might begin to distrust the validity of your own personal experiences. - Issues with personal identity: People who feel their emotions are invalidated often hide their emotions and develop low self-esteem.
- Mental health issues: Emotional invalidation can contribute to someone developing a mental health condition, such as depression and anxiety. If you already have a mental health condition, it might make your symptoms worse.
While emotional invalidation can happen at any point in your life, if it happens in childhood, it can have long-lasting effects that can last into adulthood. This is particularly true for individuals that experience emotions more intensely than others.
There’s some thought that emotional invalidation might contribute to the development of borderline personality disorder (BPD) — a condition associated with instability in emotions, relationships, and self-image.
People affected by BPD often have:
- difficulty managing emotions
- chronic feelings of emptiness
- problems with self-image or sense of self
- rapidly changing emotions
- impulsiveness
Marsha Linehan, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of the book “Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder,” established that BPD develops when a person that experiences emotions more intensely is exposed to particular dysfunctional environments. One such dysfunctional environment is an invalidating one.
According to her theory, children who have a tendency to be more emotionally sensitive have a higher chance of developing BPD if exposed to emotional invalidation in childhood.
As a child, you begin to learn and understand how the world works. These lessons can shape the way you view the world, how you behave, the way you react, and your thoughts and feelings.
Children who are more “sensitive” might react more strongly to certain situations or events than other children.
If a child grows up in an invalidating environment, they may not learn how to handle stress or manage their emotions. Instead, they might learn how to distrust their emotional responses and hide their feelings.
Research also suggests that emotional invalidation in childhood may also contribute to eating disorders and self-harm in adolescents.
Validation tells someone that their emotions are respected. It makes space for another person’s emotions to exist.
Through validation, we can confirm that others have their own emotional experiences and that those experiences are real, valued, and important.
So, how can you practice emotional validation?
The first step is to listen. Fully tune in to the conversation. Put all distractions aside and give your attention to the speaker.
It might also be helpful to get acquainted with words that are affirming, gentle, and that make room for all emotions during the conversation.
Other ways you can avoid emotional invalidation is to:
- avoid becoming defensive
- not offer unsolicited advice
- accept responsibility for the emotion when appropriate
Some validating phrases to try:
| Instead of: | Consider this: |
|---|---|
| “It could have been worse” | “I’m so sorry that happened” |
| “That doesn’t sound so bad” | “That must have been really hard” |
| “You’ll get over it” | “I care about you. What can I do to help?” |
| “I don’t want to hear it” | “I’m here for you” |
| “You’re overreacting” | “That sounds frustrating” |
| “Don’t be such a crybaby” | “I can see you’re really upset” |
| “What’s the big deal?” | “This must be so painful” |
Navigating relationships is far from straightforward. But being more aware of the language you use in conversations can make a real difference.
Learning to recognize invalidating behaviors and statements can help you develop a healthier relationship with others and yourself.
What Is Emotional Invalidation? I Psych Central
Emotional invalidation can be hurtful, but learning to recognize it might help prevent its effects.
Validation is the acceptance of a person’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Invalidation, then, is just the opposite — when a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviors are rejected, judged, or ignored.
Invalidation can affect anyone at any age, and whether you’re a child or adult, invalidation can be upsetting and painful.
Emotional invalidation from yourself or from others can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-isolation. These feelings can then impact your day-to-day life — at work, at home, and in your relationships.
In some cases, emotional invalidation can lead to other negative emotions and even mental health conditions. But it doesn’t have to.
Understanding invalidation and knowing how to recognize it can help you learn to better deal with it when it arises.
Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. It says to someone: “Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong.”
Emotional invalidation can make you feel unimportant or irrational. It can take many forms and happen at any time.
Some people use it intentionally as a tool to manipulate you by making you question your feelings.
They might say something like: “I’m sure it wasn’t really that bad.”
Others might do it unintentionally by trying to cheer you up in a stressful situation. This might sound like: “Everything happens for a reason” or “It could be worse.” Though this type of emotional invalidation is done by accident with well-meaning intentions, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Emotional invalidation doesn’t just have to be verbal, either.
It can also involve nonverbal actions such as rolling your eyes, ignoring the person, or playing on your phone while someone is talking.
No matter how it happens, emotional invalidation can create confusion and distrust.
Relationship woes? Our advice columnist wants to hear from you!
Submit your anonymous questions here for Sex, Love, and All of the Above from Psych Central sex and relationships writer Morgan Mandriota. Then subscribe to our weekly newsletter to find out if your question is featured.
Emotional invalidation often happens when you’re expressing your feelings or talking about an experience.
People often invalidate someone because they’re unable to process that person’s emotions. They might be preoccupied with their own problems or not know how to respond in the moment.
Invalidation can also be used as an argument strategy. It gives the appearance of supporting the way someone feels, while distancing or avoiding taking responsibility for their role in those emotions.
Emotional invalidation can look like blaming, name calling, and problem-solving before understanding the other person’s experience. Playing down another person’s experience is another way to invalidate.
Emotional invalidation statements
- It could be worse
- You’re too sensitive
- You’re overreacting
- You shouldn’t feel that way
- I know exactly how you feel
- Just let it go
- You take everything so personally
- You make a big deal out of everything
- I don’t see the problem
- You shouldn’t be so [any feeling the person has expressed]
- How do you think that makes me feel?
- I don’t want to have this conversation
- Stop making things up
- That didn’t happen
Emotional invalidation can cause a number of consequences:
- Problems managing emotions: Emotional invalidation can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and distrust in your own emotions.
It communicates that your inner thoughts and feelings are “wrong.” With repeated exposure, you might begin to distrust the validity of your own personal experiences. - Issues with personal identity: People who feel their emotions are invalidated often hide their emotions and develop low self-esteem.
- Mental health issues: Emotional invalidation can contribute to someone developing a mental health condition, such as depression and anxiety. If you already have a mental health condition, it might make your symptoms worse.
While emotional invalidation can happen at any point in your life, if it happens in childhood, it can have long-lasting effects that can last into adulthood. This is particularly true for individuals that experience emotions more intensely than others.
There’s some thought that emotional invalidation might contribute to the development of borderline personality disorder (BPD) — a condition associated with instability in emotions, relationships, and self-image.
People affected by BPD often have:
- difficulty managing emotions
- chronic feelings of emptiness
- problems with self-image or sense of self
- rapidly changing emotions
- impulsiveness
Marsha Linehan, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of the book “Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder,” established that BPD develops when a person that experiences emotions more intensely is exposed to particular dysfunctional environments. One such dysfunctional environment is an invalidating one.
According to her theory, children who have a tendency to be more emotionally sensitive have a higher chance of developing BPD if exposed to emotional invalidation in childhood.
As a child, you begin to learn and understand how the world works. These lessons can shape the way you view the world, how you behave, the way you react, and your thoughts and feelings.
Children who are more “sensitive” might react more strongly to certain situations or events than other children.
If a child grows up in an invalidating environment, they may not learn how to handle stress or manage their emotions. Instead, they might learn how to distrust their emotional responses and hide their feelings.
Research also suggests that emotional invalidation in childhood may also contribute to eating disorders and self-harm in adolescents.
Validation tells someone that their emotions are respected. It makes space for another person’s emotions to exist.
Through validation, we can confirm that others have their own emotional experiences and that those experiences are real, valued, and important.
So, how can you practice emotional validation?
The first step is to listen. Fully tune in to the conversation. Put all distractions aside and give your attention to the speaker.
It might also be helpful to get acquainted with words that are affirming, gentle, and that make room for all emotions during the conversation.
Other ways you can avoid emotional invalidation is to:
- avoid becoming defensive
- not offer unsolicited advice
- accept responsibility for the emotion when appropriate
Some validating phrases to try:
| Instead of: | Consider this: |
|---|---|
| “It could have been worse” | “I’m so sorry that happened” |
| “That doesn’t sound so bad” | “That must have been really hard” |
| “You’ll get over it” | “I care about you. What can I do to help?” |
| “I don’t want to hear it” | “I’m here for you” |
| “You’re overreacting” | “That sounds frustrating” |
| “Don’t be such a crybaby” | “I can see you’re really upset” |
| “What’s the big deal?” | “This must be so painful” |
Navigating relationships is far from straightforward. But being more aware of the language you use in conversations can make a real difference.
Learning to recognize invalidating behaviors and statements can help you develop a healthier relationship with others and yourself.
Depreciation. How to recognize it and protect yourself
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May 10, 2021
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“Don't take it to heart”, “Others have it worse”, “But here I am at your age”.
Surely you often hear such statements. They are so familiar that we do not even think that this is a classic devaluation of our feelings and achievements. Why do people say so? How to maintain self-esteem when dealing with them? Let's figure it out.
What is depreciation
Imagine you have gone through some difficult interviews and finally got a long-awaited job, you are overwhelmed with a sense of pride.
However, your interlocutor says:
“Actually, the company is not the most reliable. If I were you, I wouldn't relax and re-read the contract. Yes, and the salary could be higher - look at how prices are rising now.
In an instant, the joy of success evaporated, as if the achievement no longer exists. This is how the depreciation mechanism works.
Devaluation - the words and actions of another person that belittle your emotions, personal qualities, achievements, values.
At the same time, sometimes we devalue unconsciously, because this is a well-established model of behavior in society.
Why we devalue without thinking
It is believed that one should not show feelings and praise. How many times have we heard: “Do not overpraise, it will become proud!”. As a result, from time to time we, without hesitation, devalue the feelings of other people.
A common situation - in response to gratitude, mechanically brush aside and say: "Not at all." By doing so, we leave the other person and his feeling unrecognized, and we deprive ourselves of the emotional reward.
Or another situation: a friend is crying because of a breakup with her boyfriend. The first reaction will be to say: "Don't worry about it, he's not worth it." What are we really saying with this phrase?
"I think that your feelings at this moment are not important, you are reacting incorrectly."
How not to fall into devaluation
We are frightened by the strong emotions of another person. However, it is much worse to devalue them. Remember the last time you were very upset - in such a situation there is nothing more painful than hearing that the reason for your feelings is not important, “the main thing is that you are healthy, you have a family, work, and in general you should be happy.
”
When someone nearby is upset, the natural human reaction is to comfort and support. What is the best way to express sympathy? Don't act like you're expected to give advice, help, or share your experiences. Most often, a person wants someone to stay with him, reassure and cheer up.
In turn, when you hear phrases like “Don't take it so personally”, think about how the other person is so inept at expressing their concern.
Say that for you this situation is something that you need to live and comprehend on your own. You are grateful for your participation, but the best thing to do is just sit around, hold hands, make tea. You only need support, without advice and analysis of what is happening.
Based on the person's reaction, you will understand whether he is ready to listen to your request, or whether your feelings are not really important to him.
Learn how to help yourself and others
Learn how to become a psychologist and open your own private practice
How to recognize depreciation
There are other quite common situations, for example, when the older generation finds it necessary to lecture the young and give unsolicited advice.
Or when a colleague constantly makes biting remarks that you don't know how to respond to. Or your spouse constantly points out some kind of “flaw” of yours.
Depreciation comes in many forms.
Devaluation as criticism
Sometimes it can be difficult to see when valid criticism turns into devaluation.
So, healthy criticism:
- is expressed in the correct form, face to face;
- is combined with praise;
- comes in response to some situation, not every day;
- refers to the action, not the person: "you parked badly - another car will not be able to get out", and not "you are stupid, you don’t know how to park at all";
- does not contain generalizations (always, never), such as "you never listen to me".
Everything else is most likely a depreciation.
Depreciation as advice
Depreciation will also be advice that a person expresses without your request. So he discovers you have a “problem” that you urgently need to solve:
“Have you seen what frosts are promised for next week? You have a very small child - go to the market on the weekend, buy him felt boots, otherwise he will catch a cold.
In the form of advice, criticism or taunts may be veiled against you:
“You seem to be very pale lately – take more walks in the fresh air and start taking iron.”
Depreciation as a concern
Depreciation is often disguised as concern, as if they are providing important information:
“Well, why did you buy such a car, because BMW has expensive parts and service in branded salons - now you will definitely be left without pants. And yellow too! In Moscow, the statistics for the last year are crazy about the theft of foreign cars, especially in such a bright color.
Even if you understand the issue better and know that, according to statistics, yellow cars just don’t steal - it’s expensive to repaint, you still feel unpleasant, you feel humiliated.
How to resist devaluation
If this is your loved one or it is impossible to stop communicating, set clear boundaries. Learn to prevent further actions in time.
Focus on your emotions and bodily sensations
Do you know the situation when your mood changed dramatically during communication - you were delighted, but suddenly you felt emptiness and anxiety? Or were you saddened, and now you feel a burning sense of resentment mixed with guilt or shame? These are all signals that you are facing depreciation. The interlocutor crossed the line.
Communicate your feelings
“I feel pain, I feel bad when you devalue me when you tell me this”
Such phrases are effective in drawing the interlocutor's attention to your feelings, explaining them. If a person devalues unconsciously, it will make him think about his words.
Make a request
“Please don't tell me that. If we agreed, then keep the agreement.
Speak as an equal.
Don't go into an aggressive or apologetic child tone. Stand up straight and maintain eye contact so that you feel confident from your body.
Speak calmly and kindly.
If the person continues like this, leave the conversation.
You can say, “Okay, I heard you” or “Perhaps you are right.”
How to respond to unsolicited advice
Thank you calmly, because a person may do it with the best of intentions. However, indicate that you prefer to ask for advice first and then receive it:
"Thank you, if I need advice or help, I will contact you."
“I understand that you are trying to help me, but I am satisfied with my way of solving the problem. I would not like to return to this issue.
If the advice is not appropriate, or it is veiled aggression, answer briefly:
"Thank you, but I did not ask for advice."
How to respond to misplaced concern
For example, you are told:
“Congratulations, the wedding is a wonderful event. But how will you live in a odnushka with his mother?
You can answer:
“Thank you.
I wanted to share my joy. Problems will be dealt with as they come.
Depreciation is hard to resist because comments like this take you by surprise, often looking like advice or concern. The main thing is to recognize in time when you become uncomfortable in communication and set your boundaries.
Separate the other person's opinion from yourself: your feelings are important to you, and his words express his own pain and desire to protect himself from your emotions. No matter how much the other person criticizes you, you always have the steering wheel - only you decide how to feel and how to relate to his words.
- interpersonal relationships
“I don't care about your problems”: the danger of devaluing feelings
We all have had to find ourselves in situations where we are looking for understanding, but suddenly we are faced with the fact that we seem not to be heard.
We want to share the good news about a promotion at work, and a friend, instead of sharing a happy moment, indifferently stirs sugar in a cappuccino and says: “It’s good, of course, but now you have to work until night, who will take care of your son? ". And the euphoria from promotion melts away. Or we call our sister in tears after a quarrel with the man she loves, and she suddenly starts lecturing us that we ourselves are to blame, because we focus on the negative: “I told you, you attract into your life everything that you think about. You were afraid that he would communicate with the former - and it happened. And then remorse of conscience is added to the feeling of bitterness and frustration. Maybe it’s really my own fault that I was jealous of him and imagined that he was spending time with another?
Such situations can relate to completely different aspects of life. Unfortunately, not all people can support us in difficult times or rejoice in our victories. What hurts the most is that some of them manage to level our merits with their comments, belittle the importance of our achievements, or even aggravate grief.
Why is this happening?
Essentially, devaluation is a defense mechanism used by chronically self-loathing people to rise above others, mask problems with their own self-esteem, or avoid intense emotional distress. They seek to hide their unmet needs: for love, intimacy, unconditional acceptance, a sense of self-worth. In fact, people who try to devalue the feelings or merits of others suffer no less than the objects of “devaluation”. Consider the most common options for this behavior.
“Yes, nice, talented… Nice, but far from Tolstoy” or a classic of depreciation
This is how the public (according to his own ideas) reacted to the works of the young writer Treplev in Chekhov's play The Seagull. This greatly offended the novice creator of the word, who aspired to new forms in art. Not surprising, because this is the most popular way of depreciation (in this case, imaginary, but no less painful from here).
In reality, such situations happen quite often.
Let's say your former classmate, upon learning that immediately after graduation you were offered a job in one of the prestigious energy companies, writes you an ambiguous message: “Heard you were hired by this company? Well, not bad. Not Gazprom, of course, but it will do.”
When the interlocutor seeks to reduce the significance of your result, it means that for some reason it is emotionally difficult for him to hear about other people's successes. Maybe he is worried about his own financial insolvency or failures in the professional field. By belittling the achievements of others, he is trying in a sense to protect himself from a strong blow to his own self-esteem. By convincing himself that someone else's result is not so brilliant, he seeks to maintain the appearance that he, too, is worth something. And the mood spoiled by the interlocutor is only collateral damage.
How to respond? Try to make such a person understand that your result is valuable to you.
For example, you have long and stubbornly walked towards it, or is it your dream that you managed to realize. After all, there are no objective and universal criteria for "success". However, unfortunately, it is not always possible to convey this idea to the person who does this. Then it is better to minimize communication with him, because subconsciously he perceives your relationship as a continuous race and zealous competition. Such contacts bring disappointment to both parties.
“Wedding is so cool! But how will you live with his parents in a odnushka? or simulated participation
This is a slightly different way of devaluation, in which painful envy is hidden under the mask of sensitivity and empathy. The person demonstrating this pattern of behavior is again trying to reduce the value of the event by refocusing your attention on negative aspects. It can be small pitfalls or fictional and far-fetched moments. In a word, a person stubbornly looks for a fly in the ointment in a barrel of honey in order to point you to it and make you worry about it much more than thinking about your victory or happiness in general.
How to respond? Try to explain that it was important for you to share your feelings about the happy event, and if you have any difficulties, you will solve them as they come. If there are people in your environment with fluctuating or low self-esteem, try not to provoke situations that force them to behave in this way. Talking incessantly about your wedding with a friend who can’t find a suitable man for herself is a real torture for her. In order to save herself from painful experiences about her own failure in relations with the opposite sex, she will intuitively use defense mechanisms. Try to think in advance about what feelings this or that news will cause in the interlocutor, and depending on this, dose the expression of emotions. Especially when you know exactly what complexes or worries disturb the other person and can emotionally hurt him.
“And children in Africa are starving!” or others have it even worse
Do you know the situation when, in response to your complaints, the interlocutor tries to abruptly change the topic and point out that your difficulties are nothing compared to the global issues of the world order? For example: “So what if he doesn’t want to have children yet? An unwanted child is much worse.
Do you have any idea how many of these children in our country attempt suicide as teenagers?” Further, the interlocutor can begin to develop an abstract idea, not forgetting to reinforce his reasoning with universal postulates: "we should be grateful for what we already have."
In reality, this person is trying to protect himself from traumatic experiences in this way. Not everyone is ready to pass other people's negative emotions through themselves, so some prefer to distance themselves from the interlocutor by changing the topic of conversation and referring to global problems.
How to respond? First of all, you need to explain that your problem really worries you, and you refuse to admit its insignificance. Then everything will depend on the reaction of the interlocutor. If he agrees with your opinion, then you will have the opportunity to conduct a constructive dialogue, if he continues to deny it, there will be no substantive discussion.
“Who needs you, you can't even cook scrambled eggs” or belittling the partner's abilities
Some people allow themselves to make such caustic comments about their loved ones.
They try at every opportunity to point out to us that we are not adapted to independent living. Depriving their soulmate of self-confidence, they "tie" us, "so insolvent and useless", to themselves. This manipulation comes from a subconscious fear of loss. Yes, in fact, they are afraid of losing us, so they take away our faith in ourselves so that we can’t get away from them. Such a paradox.
In addition, such people are usually very dependent on the opinions of others and constantly need praise. If they do not receive it from their partners, then they begin to devalue themselves in order to increase their own self-esteem at the expense of others.
How to respond? Talking frankly with your partner can help in this situation. Discuss with each other how important the relationship is to you and what it means to you to lose each other. If you feel that your partner needs recognition, agree to give each other mutual thanks and praise.
“You are too negative” or blindness under the pretext of a positive view of the world
This is a vivid example of how you can distort a healthy psychological concept by adjusting it to your own manipulations.
A positive vision can make a big difference in the quality of life, it's true. So, for example, you should not be upset by changes in the weather or the fact that the bus doors closed right in front of you. If you perceive any unplanned events negatively, focusing on the fact that troubles always happen to you, it is impossible to become happy. Life always finds a way to make adjustments to our plans.
But not everything in life depends on our attitude. If a man raises his hand to a woman, it is senseless and even shameless to advise her to “look at things more positively.”
How to respond? It all depends on the situation in which the interlocutor provides you with such advice. If you complain to him about the difficulties of moving to a new city and worry about how you will get settled in a new place, it is quite possible that it is a change of attitude (and the search for pluses) that will help you change your place of residence with the least fear.
However, if the "positive outlook" is advised as a cure for a health-damaging or even life-threatening problem, you may respond harshly.
“4 for the control? And your girlfriend got an A — you need to study better” or educational criticism
Some parents believe that deliberately belittling the results of their own children will help them to be better disciplined. Such a view of educational policy has existed since ancient times - in Rus' they used to say "do not overpraise, otherwise it will deteriorate." It was believed that if a child is encouraged too much, then he can begin to be lazy and too proud of his exclusivity. And, despite the fact that today most psychologists say that children really need a positive assessment of their parents for harmonious development, old prejudices still sometimes slip through. For educational purposes, the child is told how not independent he is, that he constantly has to clean up after him, and how long he had to babysit. And praise is often forgotten.
Comparisons with other children are also not good - the child only feels his own inferiority more acutely.
Educational criticism has many pitfalls and negative consequences. Children who did not feel parental approval, and in adulthood try to earn it (by enrolling in a prestigious university, which was advised by mom and dad, buying a summer house for them, etc.) or deliberately cut off communication with parents with whom they do not feel emotional closeness .
How to respond? As you know, parents are not chosen (and it is unlikely that children read this article). In any case, children are still too young to try to understand the psychological subtleties, they are just learning to contact this world. They have not yet formed a base on the basis of which they can change their reactions to events and people in accordance with psychological attitudes. Therefore, in this case, the entire responsibility lies with the parents, who should not once again be afraid to say a kind word to their child.
“Well, you, ballet prima, why are you silent?” or teenage irony
Biting remarks, playing on the feelings of classmates, mocking "nerds" - all this is part of the life of an ordinary high school class. Why are teenagers so often ironic and viciously joke about others? The fact is that in youth the price of one's own "I" is very low. The formation of personality has not happened yet, teenagers are only trying to find themselves in this world. That is why they are so sensitive to other people's merits. In order to maintain self-esteem with low self-esteem, they have to "lower" others below their own idea of \u200b\u200bimportance. And if a classmate has achieved some important results, all his merits must be leveled. Teenagers either exaggerate someone's victories or features for comic effect, or turn everything upside down for greater contrast. “Prima ballet” can be called both a girl who has achieved success on stage, and a complete classmate.
How to respond? In adolescence, it is difficult to exist in a team where everyone seeks to assert themselves at the expense of others, and all differences from others are perceived with hostility.
