Quiet power of introverts pdf

The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking PDF

MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET “An intriguing and potentially life-altering examination of the human psyche that is sure to benefit both introverts and extroverts alike.” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) “Gentle is powerful … Solitude is socially productive … These important counterintuitive ideas are among the many reasons to take Quiet to a quiet corner and absorb its brilliant, thought-provoking message.” —ROSABETH MOSS KANTER, professor at Harvard Business School, author of Confidence and SuperCorp “An informative, well-researched book on the power of quietness and the virtues of having a rich inner life. It dispels the myth that you have to be extroverted to be happy and successful.” —JUDITH ORLOFF, M.D., author of Emotional Freedom “In this engaging and beautifully written book, Susan Cain makes a powerful case for the wisdom of introspection. She also warns us ably about the downside to our culture’s noisiness, including all that it risks drowning out. Above the din, Susan’s own voice remains a compelling presence—thoughtful, generous, calm, and eloquent. Quiet deserves a very large readership.” —CHRISTOPHER LANE, author of Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness “Susan Cain’s quest to understand introversion, a beautifully wrought journey from the lab bench to the motivational speaker’s hall, offers convincing evidence for valuing substance over style, steak over sizzle, and qualities that are, in America, often derided. This book is brilliant, profound, full of feeling and brimming with insights.” —SHERI FINK, M.D., author of War Hospital “Brilliant, illuminating, empowering! Quiet gives not only a voice, but a path to homecoming for so many who’ve walked through the better part of their lives thinking the way they engage with the world is something in need of fixing.” —JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance “Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that gives us startling new insights. Quiet is that book: it’s part page-turner, part cutting-edge science. The implications for business are especially valuable: Quiet offers tips on how introverts can lead effectively, give winning speeches, avoid burnout, and choose the right roles. This charming, gracefully written, thoroughly researched book is simply masterful.” —ADAM M. GRANT, P , associate professor of management, the H.D. Wharton School of Business STILL MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET “Shatters misconceptions … Cain consistently holds the reader’s interest by presenting individual profiles … and reporting on the latest studies. Her diligence, research, and passion for this important topic has richly paid off.” —Publishers Weekly “Quiet elevates the conversation about introverts in our outwardly oriented society to new heights. I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they didn’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives.” —ADAM S. M HUGH, author of Introverts in the Church C “Susan Cain’s Quiet is wonderfully informative about the culture of the extravert ideal and the psychology of a sensitive temperament, and she is helpfully perceptive about how introverts can make the most of their personality preferences in all aspects of life. Society needs introverts, so everyone can benefit from the insights in this important book.” —JONATHAN M. CHEEK, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, co-editor of Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment “A brilliant, important, and personally affecting book. Cain shows that, for all its virtue, America’s Extrovert Ideal takes up way too much oxygen. Cain herself is the perfect person to make this case—with winning grace and clarity she shows us what it looks like to think outside the group.” —CHRISTINE KENNEALLY, author of The First Word “What Susan Cain understands—and readers of this fascinating volume will soon appreciate—is something that psychology and our fast-moving and fast-talking society have been all too slow to realize: Not only is there really nothing wrong with being quiet, reflective, shy, and introverted, but there are distinct advantages to being this way. —JAY BELSKY, Robert M. and Natalie Reid Dorn Professor, Human and Community Development, University of California, Davis “Author Susan Cain exemplifies her own quiet power in this exquisitely written and highly readable page-turner. She brings important research and the introvert experience.” —JENNIFER B. KAHNWEILER, P .D., author of The Introverted Leader H “Several aspects of Quiet are remarkable. First, it is well informed by the research literature but not held captive by it. Second, it is exceptionally well written, and ‘reader friendly.’ Third, it is insightful. I am sure many people wonder why brash, impulsive behavior seems to be rewarded, whereas reflective, thoughtful behavior is overlooked. This book goes beyond such superficial impressions to a more penetrating analysis.” —WILLIAM GRAZIANO, professor, Department of Psychological Sciences, Purdue University Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Crown Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York. www.crownpublishing.com CROWN and the Crown colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. The BIS/BAS Scales on this page–this page copyright © 1994 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission. From “Behavioral Inhibition, Behavioral Activation, and Affective Responses to Impending Reward and Punishment: The BIS/BAS Scales.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67(2): 319–33. The use of APA information does not imply endorsement by APA. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cain, Susan. Quiet : the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking / Susan Cain.—1st ed. p. cm. 1. Introverts. 2. Introversion. 3. Extroversion. 4. Interpersonal relations. I. Title. BF698.35.I59C35 2012 155.2′32—dc22 2010053204 eISBN: 978-0-30745220-7 Jacket design by Laura Duffy Jacket photography by Joe Ginsberg/Getty Images v3.1 To my childhood family A species in which everyone was General Patton would not succeed, any more than would a race in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that the planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, painters, scientists; it needs the warmhearted, the hardhearted, the coldhearted, and the weakhearted. It needs those who can devote their lives to studying how many droplets of water are secreted by the salivary glands of dogs under which circumstances, and it needs those who can capture the passing impression of cherry blossoms in a fourteen-syllable poem or devote twenty-five pages to the dissection of a small boy’s feelings as he lies in bed in the dark waiting for his mother to kiss him goodnight.… Indeed the presence of outstanding strengths presupposes that energy needed in other areas has been channeled away from them. —A S LLEN HAWN Contents Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication Epigraph Author’s Note INTRODUCTION: The North and South of Temperament PART ONE: THE EXTROVERT IDEAL 1. THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTY LIKEABLE FELLOW”: How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal 2. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC LEADERSHIP: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later 3. WHEN COLLABORATION KILLS CREATIVITY: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone PART TWO: YOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF? 4. IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis 5. BEYOND TEMPERAMENT: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts) 6. “FRANKLIN WAS A POLITICIAN, BUT ELEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE”: Why Cool Is Overrated 7. WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH AND WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently PART THREE: DO ALL CULTURES HAVE AN EXTROVERT IDEAL? 8. SOFT POWER: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal PART FOUR: HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO WORK 9. WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MORE EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REALLY ARE? 10. THE COMMUNICATION GAP: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type 11. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can’t Hear Them CONCLUSION: Wonderland A Note on the Dedication A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert Acknowledgments Notes

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by Susan Cain

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Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET “An intriguing and potentially life-altering examination of the human psyche that is sure to benefit both introverts and extroverts alike. ” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review) “Gentle is powerful … Solitude is socially productive … These important counterintuitive ideas are among the many reasons to take Quiet to a quiet corner and absorb its brilliant, thought-provoking message.” —ROSABETH MOSS KANTER, professor at Harvard Business School, author of Confidence and SuperCorp “An informative, well-researched book on the power of quietness and the virtues of having a rich inner life. It dispels the myth that you have to be extroverted to be happy and successful.” —JUDITH ORLOFF, M.D., author of Emotional Freedom “In this engaging and beautifully written book, Susan Cain makes a powerful case for the wisdom of introspection. She also warns us ably about the downside to our culture’s noisiness, including all that it risks drowning out. Above the din, Susan’s own voice remains a compelling presence—thoughtful, generous, calm, and eloquent. Quiet deserves a very large readership.” —CHRISTOPHER LANE, author of Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness “Susan Cain’s quest to understand introversion, a beautifully wrought journey from the lab bench to the motivational speaker’s hall, offers convincing evidence for valuing substance over style, steak over sizzle, and qualities that are, in America, often derided. This book is brilliant, profound, full of feeling and brimming with insights.” —SHERI FINK, M.D., author of War Hospital “Brilliant, illuminating, empowering! Quiet gives not only a voice, but a path to homecoming for so many who’ve walked through the better part of their lives thinking the way they engage with the world is something in need of fixing.” —JONATHAN FIELDS, author of Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance “Once in a blue moon, a book comes along that gives us startling new insights. Quiet is that book: it’s part page-turner, part cutting-edge science. The implications for business are especially valuable: Quiet offers tips on how introverts can lead effectively, give winning speeches, avoid burnout, and choose the right roles. This charming, gracefully written, thoroughly researched book is simply masterful.” —ADAM M. GRANT, P , associate professor of management, the H.D. Wharton School of Business STILL MORE ADVANCE NOISE FOR QUIET “Shatters misconceptions … Cain consistently holds the reader’s interest by presenting individual profiles … and reporting on the latest studies. Her diligence, research, and passion for this important topic has richly paid off.” —Publishers Weekly “Quiet elevates the conversation about introverts in our outwardly oriented society to new heights. I think that many introverts will discover that, even though they didn’t know it, they have been waiting for this book all their lives.” —ADAM S. M HUGH, author of Introverts in the Church C “Susan Cain’s Quiet is wonderfully informative about the culture of the extravert ideal and the psychology of a sensitive temperament, and she is helpfully perceptive about how introverts can make the most of their personality preferences in all aspects of life. Society needs introverts, so everyone can benefit from the insights in this important book.” —JONATHAN M. CHEEK, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, co-editor of Shyness: Perspectives on Research and Treatment “A brilliant, important, and personally affecting book. Cain shows that, for all its virtue, America’s Extrovert Ideal takes up way too much oxygen. Cain herself is the perfect person to make this case—with winning grace and clarity she shows us what it looks like to think outside the group.” —CHRISTINE KENNEALLY, author of The First Word “What Susan Cain understands—and readers of this fascinating volume will soon appreciate—is something that psychology and our fast-moving and fast-talking society have been all too slow to realize: Not only is there really nothing wrong with being quiet, reflective, shy, and introverted, but there are distinct advantages to being this way. —JAY BELSKY, Robert M. and Natalie Reid Dorn Professor, Human and Community Development, University of California, Davis “Author Susan Cain exemplifies her own quiet power in this exquisitely written and highly readable page-turner. She brings important research and the introvert experience.” —JENNIFER B. KAHNWEILER, P .D., author of The Introverted Leader H “Several aspects of Quiet are remarkable. First, it is well informed by the research literature but not held captive by it. Second, it is exceptionally well written, and ‘reader friendly.’ Third, it is insightful. I am sure many people wonder why brash, impulsive behavior seems to be rewarded, whereas reflective, thoughtful behavior is overlooked. This book goes beyond such superficial impressions to a more penetrating analysis.” —WILLIAM GRAZIANO, professor, Department of Psychological Sciences, Purdue University Copyright © 2012 by Susan Cain All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Crown Publishers, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York. www.crownpublishing.com CROWN and the Crown colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. The BIS/BAS Scales on this page–this page copyright © 1994 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission. From “Behavioral Inhibition, Behavioral Activation, and Affective Responses to Impending Reward and Punishment: The BIS/BAS Scales.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 67(2): 319–33. The use of APA information does not imply endorsement by APA. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cain, Susan. Quiet : the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking / Susan Cain.—1st ed. p. cm. 1. Introverts. 2. Introversion. 3. Extroversion. 4. Interpersonal relations. I. Title. BF698.35.I59C35 2012 155.2′32—dc22 2010053204 eISBN: 978-0-30745220-7 Jacket design by Laura Duffy Jacket photography by Joe Ginsberg/Getty Images v3.1 To my childhood family A species in which everyone was General Patton would not succeed, any more than would a race in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that the planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, painters, scientists; it needs the warmhearted, the hardhearted, the coldhearted, and the weakhearted. It needs those who can devote their lives to studying how many droplets of water are secreted by the salivary glands of dogs under which circumstances, and it needs those who can capture the passing impression of cherry blossoms in a fourteen-syllable poem or devote twenty-five pages to the dissection of a small boy’s feelings as he lies in bed in the dark waiting for his mother to kiss him goodnight. … Indeed the presence of outstanding strengths presupposes that energy needed in other areas has been channeled away from them. —A S LLEN HAWN Contents Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication Epigraph Author’s Note INTRODUCTION: The North and South of Temperament PART ONE: THE EXTROVERT IDEAL 1. THE RISE OF THE “MIGHTY LIKEABLE FELLOW”: How Extroversion Became the Cultural Ideal 2. THE MYTH OF CHARISMATIC LEADERSHIP: The Culture of Personality, a Hundred Years Later 3. WHEN COLLABORATION KILLS CREATIVITY: The Rise of the New Groupthink and the Power of Working Alone PART TWO: YOUR BIOLOGY, YOUR SELF? 4. IS TEMPERAMENT DESTINY?: Nature, Nurture, and the Orchid Hypothesis 5. BEYOND TEMPERAMENT: The Role of Free Will (and the Secret of Public Speaking for Introverts) 6. “FRANKLIN WAS A POLITICIAN, BUT ELEANOR SPOKE OUT OF CONSCIENCE”: Why Cool Is Overrated 7. WHY DID WALL STREET CRASH AND WARREN BUFFETT PROSPER?: How Introverts and Extroverts Think (and Process Dopamine) Differently PART THREE: DO ALL CULTURES HAVE AN EXTROVERT IDEAL? 8. SOFT POWER: Asian-Americans and the Extrovert Ideal PART FOUR: HOW TO LOVE, HOW TO WORK 9. WHEN SHOULD YOU ACT MORE EXTROVERTED THAN YOU REALLY ARE? 10. THE COMMUNICATION GAP: How to Talk to Members of the Opposite Type 11. ON COBBLERS AND GENERALS: How to Cultivate Quiet Kids in a World That Can’t Hear Them CONCLUSION: Wonderland A Note on the Dedication A Note on the Words Introvert and Extrovert Acknowledgments Notes

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For Gonzo, Sam, and Eli, with all my love —S.C. Contents TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT DEDICATION A MANIFESTO FOR INTROVERTS INTRODUCTION PART ONE: SCHOOL CHAPTER 1: QUIET IN THE CAFETERIA CHAPTER 2: QUIET IN THE CLASSROOM CHAPTER 3: GROUP PROJECTS, THE INTROVERTED WAY CHAPTER 4: QUIET LEADERS PART TWO: SOCIALIZING CHAPTER 5: QUIET FRIENDSHIP CHAPTER 6: QUIET PARTIES CHAPTER 7: #QUIET CHAPTER 8: OPPOSITES ATTRACT PART THREE: HOBBIES CHAPTER 9: QUIET CREATIVITY CHAPTER 10: THE QUIET ATHLETE CHAPTER 11: QUIETLY ADVENTUROUS CHAPTER 12: CHANGING THE WORLD THE QUIET WAY CHAPTER 13: QUIET IN THE SPOTLIGHT PART FOUR: HOME CHAPTER 14: THE RESTORATIVE NICHE CHAPTER 15: QUIET WITH FAMILY CONCLUSION THE QUIET REVOLUTION IN THE CLASSROOM: AN AFTERWORD FOR TEACHERS A GUIDE FOR PARENTS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS NOTES INDEX ABOUT THE AUTHOR 1. A quiet temperament is a hidden superpower. 2. There’s a word for “people who are in their heads too much”: thinkers. 3. Most great ideas spring from solitude. 4. You can stretch like a rubber band. You can do anything an extrovert can do, including stepping into the spotlight. There will always be time for quiet later. 5. But even though you’ll need to stretch on occasion, you should return to your true self when you’re done. 6. Two or three close friends mean more than a hundred acquaintances (though acquaintances are great too). 7. Introverts and extroverts are yin and yang—we love and need each other. 8. It’s okay to cross the hallway to avoid small talk. 9. You don’t need to be a cheerleader to lead. Just ask Mahatma Gandhi. 10. Speaking of Gandhi, he said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” INTRODUCTION “Why are you being so quiet?” Friends, teachers, acquaintances, even people I barely know have asked me this question. Most mean well. They want to know if I’m all right, or if there’s a reason that I’m keeping to myself. Some ask in a way that suggests they think it’s a little weird that I haven’t spoken up in a while. I don’t always have a clear-cut answer to this question. Sometimes I’m quiet because I’m in the middle of a thought or observation. Sometimes I’m more focused on listening than on talking. Often, though, the reason I’m being quiet is because that’s just how I am. Quiet. In school, it always seemed as if “outgoing” was the highest compliment a person could get. In classes, my teachers often asked me to speak up more. At school dances I headed for the dance floor with my friends, but had it been up to me, we would have just hung out together at someone’s house. I went along to loud, crowded parties in college, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would have had a better time eating dinner with a friend or two and going to a movie. I never complained about it, though. I thought that I was supposed to do these things in order to be considered “normal.” Throughout this time, I’d built a small but deep network of close friends and colleagues. I never really cared whether someone was popular or not, which meant that some of my friends were “cool” and others not at all. Thanks to my preference for intimate conversations, my friendships were built on mutual trust, enjoyment of each other’s company, and love. They had little to do with cliques or popularity contests. People started to praise me for my insightful questions, my ability to think independently, and my calm approach to tense situations. They complimented me on being a deep thinker and great listener. They also started listening to me. They noticed that when I spoke, it was because I had something thoughtful to say. And once I moved into the working world, the bold, outspoken types who had once intimidated me started offering me jobs! As time went on, I realized that my quiet approach to life had been a great power all along. It was a tool that I’d just needed to learn how to use. I looked around and saw that many of the great contributions to the world—from the Apple computer to the Cat in the Hat—had been made by introverts because of, not in spite of, their quiet temperaments. I culled my ideas into a book for adults called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. It hit the New York Times best seller list and has stayed there for years, and has been translated into forty languages. Thousands and thousands of people have told me that this simple idea—that their quiet approach, if used correctly, is a powerful force—actually changed their lives. It touched them in ways I could not have imagined. Soon I was doing things that seemed impossible when I was younger. When I was in middle school, for example, I was terrified of public speaking. I couldn’t sleep the night before I had to give a book report. One time I was so scared that I froze up in front of everyone and couldn’t even open my mouth. Now, as an advocate for introverted people, I appear on screens all over the world and deliver lectures in front of thousands of people. I gave a TED Talk about introversion that became one of the most watched TED Talks of all time, with many millions of views. (“TED” stands for technology, entertainment, and design, and is the name of an organization that holds conferences where people share big ideas.) Inspired by these experiences, I cofounded Quiet Revolution, a mission-based company whose goal is to empower introverts of all ages. I want us quiet types to feel we can be ourselves wherever we are—at school, at work, and in society at large. Quiet Revolution advocates for change and boosts the voices of us introverts. The movement is inclusive—anyone is allowed to join, no matter how quiet or outgoing they are. I encourage you to get involved on Quietrev.com! People often ask me whether I’ve turned into an extrovert, now that I’m such a comfortable public speaker and media commentator. But I haven’t changed in any fundamental way over the years. I still feel shy sometimes. And I love my quiet, reflective self. I’ve embraced the power of quiet—and you can too. Many of my readers have told me they wish they’d heard about the Quiet Revolution when they were kids, or when they were parents raising their own introverted children. And I’ve also heard from inspiring young people who wish that there was a version of Quiet just for them. That’s where this book comes in. WHAT’S AN INTROVERT, ANYWAY? There’s a psychological term for people like me. We’re called introverts—and there’s no single way to define us. We enjoy the company of others but also like time alone. We can have great social skills, and also be private and keep to ourselves. We are observant. We might listen more than we talk. Being an introvert is about having a deep inner life, and considering that inner life to be important. If an introvert is someone who looks inward, an extrovert is just the opposite. Extroverts thrive in groups and gain energy from being around others. Even if you aren’t an introvert yourself, there are probably a few of us in your family or your circle of friends. Introverts make up a third to half of the population—that’s one out of every two or three people you know. Sometimes we’re easy to spot. We’re the ones curled up on the sofa with a book or an iPad on our lap instead of surrounded by people. At crowded parties you might find us talking to a handful of friends—definitely not dancing on the table. In class, we sometimes look away when the teacher searches for volunteers. We’re paying attention—we’d just prefer to follow along quietly and to contribute when we’re ready. Other times, we introverts are pretty good at hiding our true natures. We might pass undetected in classrooms and school cafeterias, living out loud when deep down we can’t wait to escape the crowd and to have some time to ourselves. Ever since I published my book, I’ve been amazed by how many seemingly extroverted people—including actors, politicians, entrepreneurs, and athletes—have “confessed” to me that they are introverts too. Being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean being shy. This is an important distinction. Introverts can be shy, of course, but there’s such a thing as a shy extrovert too. Shy behavior can look like introversion—it makes people appear to be quiet and reserved. Like introversion, the feeling of shyness is complicated; it has a lot of layers to it. It can come from a place of nervousness, or insecurity, about being accepted by others. It can come from a place of fear of doing the wrong thing. In class, a shy student might not raise his hand because he’s worried about giving the incorrect answer and feeling embarrassed. The introverted girl sitting next to him might keep her hand down too, but for different reasons. Maybe she doesn’t feel the need to contribute. Or she might be too busy listening and processing everything to talk. Just like introversion, shyness has its advantages. Studies show that shy kids tend to have loyal friendships, and to be conscientious, empathetic, and creative. Both shy and introverted people make great listeners. And it’s through listening that we tend to be good at observing, learning, and maturing. This book is about both introversion and shyness—and about the advantages both qualities give you. I happen to be an introvert and a naturally shy person (even though I have come to feel less shy with time). But you might be only one or the other. Take the parts of the book that apply to you, and don’t worry about the rest. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT, EXTROVERT, OR AMBIVERT? Psychology is the study of human behavior and the human mind and its functions. Of course, each person’s mind has its own special wiring, but everyone follows more or less the same framework, and there’s a lot of overlap between us all. Carl Jung (pronounced “young”), a famous twentieth-century psychologist, introduced the terms “introvert” and “extrovert” as a way to describe different personality types. Jung was an introvert himself, and he was the first to explain that introverts are drawn to the inner world of thoughts and feelings, while their opposites, extroverts, crave the external world of people and activities. Of course, even Jung said that no one is all introvert or all extrovert. These traits exist on what’s called a spectrum. The best way to understand a spectrum is to imagine a long ruler. Let’s say there are extreme extroverts at one end of the ruler, and extreme introverts at the other. There are people who fall near the middle—psychologists call them “ambiverts”—but even those who tend toward one of the two sides are still a bit of a mix. Many introverts say that when they’re with close friends or discussing an interesting subject, they act more like extroverts. And as much as extroverts like to be around people, most of them also need downtime to chill out too. Before we go any further, here’s the chance to see where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum. There are no right or wrong answers. Just pick “true” or “false” based on which one most often applies to you. I prefer spending time with one or two friends instead of a group. I’d rather express my ideas in writing. I enjoy being alone. I prefer deep conversations to small talk. My friends tell me that I’m a good listener. I prefer small classes to large ones. I avoid conflicts. I don’t like showing people my work until it’s perfect. I work best on my own. I don’t like being called on in class. I feel drained after hanging out with friends, even when I have fun. I’d rather celebrate my birthday with a few friends and family, instead of having a huge party. I don’t mind big independent projects at school. I spend lots of time in my room. I’m usually not a big risk taker. I can dive into a project, practice a sport or instrument, or engage in something creative for hours at a time, without getting bored. I tend to think before I speak. I’d rather text or e-mail than talk on the phone with someone I don’t know very well. I don’t feel totally comfortable being the center of attention. I usually like asking questions more than I like answering them. People often describe me as soft-spoken or shy. If I had to choose, I’d prefer a weekend with absolutely nothing to do to one with too many things scheduled. * This is an informal quiz, not a scientifically validated personality test. The questions were formulated based on characteristics of introversion often accepted by contemporary researchers. The more often you answered “true,” the more introverted you probably are. If you answered “false” more often, it’s likely you’re more of an extrovert. If you answered “true” and “false” equally, you’re probably an ambivert. Whichever way you lean is fine. The key to a comfortable life is to know your own preferences. Some people really are “born introverts” or “born extroverts,” and personality traits like introversion and extroversion can be passed down from one generation to the next. Our genes don’t decide everything, though. Even if you see yourself as one or the other, your personality and attitude aren’t set in stone; you have lots of room to shape and develop them over time. Someone born with an extremely shy and quiet temperament probably won’t grow up to perform in front of stadiums like Taylor Swift, but most of us can stretch to some degree, much the way a rubber band can stretch very flexibly (up to a certain point). Recognizing which kinds of situations make you feel masterful and at ease can give you a sense of control. Then you can make choices based on what you know works for you. You can pursue the activities that bring you comfort—and step outside your comfort zone when you feel it’s worthwhile, for the sake of a project or person you care about. I can’t emphasize enough how empowering it is to live this way—so we’ll come back to this point throughout the book. Validation from those around you—online or in person—feels good, but the most important validation comes from your very own self. EXTROVERTS ARE GREAT TOO Society often overlooks us introverts. We idolize the talkers and the spotlight seekers, as if they are the role models everyone should be emulating. I call this the Extrovert Ideal. This is the belief that we’re all supposed to be quick- thinking, charismatic risk takers who prefer action to contemplation. The Extrovert Ideal is what can make you feel as if there’s something wrong with you because you’re not at your best in a large group. It’s an especially powerful force in school, where the loudest, most talkative kids are often the most popular, and where teachers reward the students who are eager to raise their hands in class. This book questions the Extrovert Ideal—but that doesn’t mean it questions extroverts themselves. My best friend, Judith, is a social butterfly who has been at the center of the “popular crowd” since elementary school. My beloved husband, Ken, is a charming take-charge type who always has interesting stories to share in a group. I love Judith and Ken partly because we’re different, and we complement each other. They see strengths in me that they don’t have themselves (or don’t have as often as they would like), and I feel the exact same way about them. I really can’t say enough about the yin and yang of the two personality types. When we join together, we’re so much better than the sum of our two parts. My husband and I use a Mexican expression to describe this: “juntos somos más,” which in English means “together we are more.” As much as I love extroverts, though, I want to shine the spotlight on what it feels like to be quiet—and to show just how powerful quiet can be. It’s no accident that many of history’s greatest artists, inventors, scientists, athletes, and business leaders were introverts. As a child, Mahatma Gandhi was shy and afraid of everything, especially other people; he used to run home from school as soon as the bell rang, to avoid socializing with his classmates. But he grew up to lead the nation of India to freedom, without changing his fundamental nature. He fought his battles through peaceful, nonviolent protests. The National Basketball Association’s all-time leading scorer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, would toss his sky hooks in front of tens of thousands of people each night, but he enjoyed neither the crowds nor the attention. He loved reading history books and described himself as a nerd who happened to be good at basketball. He’s also used his quiet time to write, publishing both novels and memoirs. What about Beyoncé? You may know this icon for her sold-out stadium shows around the world. Or for her music videos, which, combined, have garnered over a billion YouTube views. But even though Beyoncé grew up performing from an early age, she describes herself as an introverted child. Now her confidence inspires her fans around the world—but it doesn’t mean that she has changed her quiet, observant ways. “I’m a good listener and I like to observe, and sometimes people think that’s being shy,” she says. The gifted actress Emma Watson is a shy introvert too. “The truth is that I’m genuinely a shy, socially awkward, introverted person,” says Watson. “At a big party . . . it’s too much stimulation for me, which is why I end up going to the bathroom! I need time-outs. . . . I’m terrible at small talk. . . . I feel a pressure when I’m meeting new people because I’m aware of their expectations. Which isn’t to say that when I’m in a small group and around my friends, I don’t love to dance and be extroverted. I am just extremely self-conscious in public.” Misty Copeland has been touted as an “unlikely ballerina.” Like most athletes, she started training young—but not nearly as young as most ballerinas, who often start as early as age four! As a shy thirteen-year-old, Misty thought that her middle-school audition for the drill team had been a bust. But even though she was quiet, she didn’t go unnoticed. Her strength and talent were undeniable, and her ability to observe and focus on complex choreography was unique for someone her age. She was named captain of the squad of sixty girls that day, eventually leading her on the path to ballet. In 2015, she became the first black female principal dancer in American Ballet Theatre’s history. Albert Einstein is another well-known introvert. As a child, his preference for independent learning sometimes got him in trouble. When he was sixteen, he failed a school entrance exam partly because he hadn’t taken the time to study all the subjects; he’d focused only on what interested him. Later, though, he learned to mix his intense periods of solitary work with small social gatherings. In his twenties, he started the Olympia Academy, a club where he’d meet with a few close friends to discuss the ideas he’d spent so many hours developing in solitude. When he was twenty-six years old, Einstein completely rewrote the laws of physics. At age forty-two, he won the Nobel Prize. In the following pages, you’ll meet quiet kids who excel at traditionally introverted activities, such as writing and art. You’ll also meet introverts who are presidents of their school class, champion public speakers, athletes, actors, and singers. These roles might not seem suited to quiet kids—and in many cases, the kids I’ll introduce you to were reluctant to pursue them at first. But they drove themselves forward out of passion for their work. This single-minded passion is a common characteristic of many introverts—I hope that over time (it doesn’t have to happen right away) you’ll identify your own! Through the stories and experiences of other young people like you, I’ll address questions that introverts often wonder about. How do you carve out a place for yourself as a quiet person? How can you make sure that you’re not ignored? And how do you make new friends when it feels hard to muster the confidence to be chatty? In this book we’ll talk about the ways we introverts relate to those around us —to friends, family, and teachers. We’ll talk about the ways we pursue our interests and hobbies. And we’ll talk about the ways we relate to our own selves, as individuals. I hope that through this book you learn to accept and treasure yourself—just as you are. The world needs you, and there are so many ways to make your quiet style speak volumes. Think of this as a guide book. It won’t teach you how to turn yourself into someone else. Instead, it will teach you to use the marvelous qualities and skills

Sprint / The Silent Power of Introverts / Talking about the Key Ideas of Susan Cain's Super Bestseller "Quiet"

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Brief description:

Susan Cain's book "Quiet" (published in Russian "Introverts") is a bestseller on how an introvert can discover their strength and use their advantages in an extroverted world. The incredible success of this book showed that its topic is close to many people. Susan Cain's work was named Best Book of 2012 by Amazon, Inc, Fast Company, Kirkus Review, and Barnes and Nobles. The book has over 5,000 positive reviews on Amazon and over 185,000 (!) positive ratings on the GoodReads book portal.

In this sprint, we will talk about the key ideas of Susan Cain's book.

For whom?

- for introverts and anyone who wants to understand them;
- for everyone who is interested in psychology and self-development.

Why should you read?

To find out the benefits of thoughtfulness, self-absorption, and other introverted traits.

Who is the author of the book?

Susan Cain is a lawyer, negotiation consultant, bestselling author, New York Times contributor, and introvert.

Sprint author Anna Baibakova

Editor-in-chief of the project, has a higher economic education, majoring in global economics.

She worked for several years in one of the largest Russian banks, analyzing the business and creditworthiness of large companies, structuring transactions and interacting with clients.
However, she found her true calling in finding useful ideas and sharing them in a simple and accessible way.

Show full text

For whom?

- for introverts and anyone who wants to understand them;
- for everyone who is interested in psychology and self-development.

Why should you read?

To find out the benefits of thoughtfulness, self-absorption, and other introverted traits.

Who is the author of the book?

Susan Cain is a lawyer, negotiation consultant, bestselling author, New York Times contributor, and introvert.

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KanbanKanban - (from Japanese kan - visible, ban - card) a review of books in the format of cards with answers to questions that help to penetrate the essence of the work.

Add to favoritesRemove from favorites Add to favoritesRemove from favorites Add to favoritesRemove from favorites

KanbanKanban - (from Japanese kan - visible, ban - card) a review of books in the format of cards with answers to questions that help to penetrate the essence of the work.

The secret life of introverts. The Art of Surviving the Loud World of Extroverts Read Online Free

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Jenn Granneman

Secret Life of Introverts

Survival Art in the "loud" world of extroverts

Jenn Granneman

The000

Interovers:

Inter. permission from Skyhorse Publishing with the assistance of the literary agency Andrew Nurnberg.

Series “Psychology. Higher Course"

* * *

Reviews of the book

Granneman today , perhaps one of the most sensitive and thoughtful authors writing about introverts. <...> This book clearly demonstrates what any introvert has to go through, and helps to hear your own quiet voice among the surrounding noise.

Susan Cain, author of Introverts. How to Use Your Character Traits (Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World, That Can't Stop Talking) and founder of Quiet Revolution

finally find out what they think, feel and dream about, how their brain works, why they get hangovers without wine, how they can find the perfect partner and the right job, and how to become themselves in a crazy modern world. And besides, we are shown the hidden wisdom of introverts - without cumbersome prefaces and empty reasoning.

Dr. Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength

What challenges do you face as an introvert? The author gives the necessary support and becomes your reliable guide in this crazy world. <...> Telling fascinating stories from her personal experience along with the latest scientific research, Jenn Granneman not only entertains us, but also argues her point of view, consistently fulfilling her mission to convince introverts around the world that they are the same as everyone else.

Nancy Ancowitz, business coach and author of Self-Promotion for Introverts

For all introverts and those who associate with them, this book gives a real insight into this trait. debunks many common misconceptions about introversion.This is an excellent and detailed guide to the world of introverts, which reminds them that they are not alone in their understanding of life, and informs everyone else about the virtues of introverts and their right to be happy, to be like everyone else.0003

Brenda Knowles, creator of the Internet portal Space2Live and author of The Quiet Rise of Introverts: 8 Practices for Living and Loving in a Noisy World

who looks calm on the outside, but is truly cheerful and energetic inside. The author managed to show not only all the magic of the inner world of introverts, but also the joy that they are able to calmly share with others, if you get to know them a little better.

Adam S. McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church and The Listening Life

these amazing people. It contains everything you need to understand such a quality as introversion, and use it for your own good. The author managed to find the perfect balance between fascinating real life examples and a compelling scientific justification for introversion, with which one simply cannot disagree. True to her nature as an introvert, Grannemann explains in detail and at length many of the challenges an introvert faces in an extroverted world.

Michaela Chung, author of The Irresistible Introvert: Harness The Power of Quiet Charisma in a Loud World

Jenn Granneman shows us all the most amazing features of introverts. She describes many of the difficult situations familiar to anyone who is struggling to cope with their calm personality.

Debbie Tung, author of Quiet Girl in a Noisy World and creator of Where's My Bubble

This book will be of interest to everyone - both introverts and extroverts.

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