Insecure narcissist woman
How Female Narcissists Differ From Males: Traits + Signs
Just as there aren't really innate differences between men's and women's personalities, there aren't exactly innate differences between male and female narcissists.
But men and women are socialized differently and thus are more likely to develop specific personality traits, and these differences can be seen between male and female narcissists as well.
"Although there are shared narcissistic traits between male and female narcissists, there are some differences in which their narcissism is exhibited," psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg.
When male narcissists are angry, they tend to be aggressive and explosive (especially malignant narcissists).
When female narcissists are angry, though, Spinelli says they'll punish their victims by withholding attention and affection.
"Female narcissists utilize neglect or guilt as a form of control," she says, "whereas male narcissists are more likely to utilize power and status as a form of control. "
Another way both male and female narcissists gain control and affection is through codependent people. The psychoanalytic term for this is a "narcissistic supply."
Male narcissists will generally get their supply from romantic partners, but a female narcissist's supply can come from her partner or her children. "The female narcissist sees her children as an extension of herself whereas the male narcissists do not lean in this direction," Spinelli says.
Summary
Male narcissists tend to be more aggressive when they're angry, whereas female narcissists will punish their victims by withholding attention. Furthermore, male narcissists utilize power as a form of control, while female narcissists utilize neglect as a form of control.
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1.
Martyrdom
The female narcissist can typically be seen as the martyr or the virtuous victim.
"Their pain is greater than anyone's pain, their efforts are bigger than anyone's efforts, their suffering is more extraordinary than anyone else's suffering," therapist Wendy Behary, LCSW, tells mbg.
This is often referred to as covert or vulnerable narcissism, where the person may not be as outwardly boastful but still possesses narcissistic traits.
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2.
Superficial
Like all narcissists, female narcissists are deeply insecure. In an attempt to mask their insecurities or flaws, female narcissists tend to be overly concerned with their physical appearance and social image—sometimes referred to as somatic narcissism.
"The female narcissist is not genuinely interested in things like character and values unless it is used as part of her image," Spinelli says.
Material items like clothes and cars can help validate their insecurities.
Some female narcissists will even place an emphasis on their children's image to help elevate their own, Behary says.
3.
Competitive and jealous
"A female narcissist will be fiercely competitive," Spinelli says. "She has the desire to be the smartest, prettiest, most successful, and charming woman in the room."
Similar to a conversational narcissist, Behary says female narcissists always circle conversations back to their own experiences.
If other women appear more interesting or "threatening," the female narcissist might use shaming tactics to exile them from the social group. They may do this to colleagues, friends, and even their own daughters, Spinelli says.
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4.
Overbearing parent or mother-in-law
An overbearing and over-controlling parent may be a sign of a female narcissist. According to Behary, these females will show up at their kid's house and start rearranging furniture, rewashing the clothes, or telling them how to discipline their kids.
This is because they believe they have a superior way of doing things and view themselves as experts in all situations, she explains.
Additionally, a narcissistic mother or mother-in-law will be "jealous" of her daughter or daughter-in-law, Spinelli says.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that female narcissists don't exist at all, likely because of the way men and women tend to be socialized and given different sets of expectations.
Men are diagnosed with NPD at much higher rates, but female narcissists do exist.
Another misconception is that female narcissists are not as violent or emotionally abusive as males. "Often their male victims may not speak up about it because of feelings of shame," Spinelli says. Similarly, some people believe female narcissists are nicer than male ones.
But while both genders can appear nice and helpful in front of others, they tend to abuse their victims behind closed doors. "Female narcissists are just as rageful, contemptuous, and bullying," she explains.
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While male narcissists might be more outwardly recognizable, female narcissists do exist. They tend to be more manipulative socially and can be just as vindictive as a male narcissist.
They tend to play the victim, be overly jealous and competitive, superficial, and overbearing.
RELATED: How To Spot Narcissistic Abuse: 15 Behaviors & Warning Signs
27 Female Narcissist Traits (How to deal with her manipulations)
Do you know a woman who is self-absorbed, often cruel, jealous, and critical?
She may be a narcissist.
Female narcissists are often overlooked.
Because they exhibit some of the same behaviors as typical teenage girls, female narcissists can go unnoticed and be passed off for simply being a “mean girl” — or a grown woman.
It’s often assumed that mean girls grow out of their bad behaviors, however, habits like gossiping, excluding other people, and sabotaging relationships can be more common among females with existing narcissistic traits.
Dominant females who are narcissists are almost as threatening as their male counterparts, but females have a certain protection through stereotypes such as “sweet young girl,” a “nurturing mother,” and the “kind little grandma.”
No one thinks the sweet older woman can be vindictive, menacing, and ruthless.
Nor do people expect mothers to be so self-centered that they are willing to abandon or abuse their own children.
The difference between a female and a male narcissist is that females tend to be in competition with other females for superiority, while male narcissists use their charm and appearance to meet their goals.
The truth is, female narcissists never “grow out” of their childhood behaviors.
Instead, they develop more effective aggressive behaviors in their adult years, using their manipulative traits to employ their selfish agendas and to exploit other people.
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How to Deal With a Female Narcissist
There are two types of female narcissists: the vulnerable narcissist and the grandiose narcissist.
Whether you are dealing with a vulnerable narcissist or the more severe grandiose type, you need to recognize where their behaviors are coming from, which is typically a sense of insecurity.
When you are face to face with a narcissist, don’t let yourself get off track.
You may lose your sense of purpose when a narcissist tries to take center stage.
But the truth is, you don’t need to pay attention to everything this person does, no matter what she is doing to gain your attention.
Try not to engage or allow yourself to be drawn into passive-aggressive manipulation or outright ugliness.
Try to keep your cool, recognizing that you won’t get far by trying to change this person or talk sense into her.
You may have to find a balance between moving forward with your goals and reducing the narcissist’s insecurities, but still, keep your own well-being as your top priority.
If you are dealing with a grandiose narcissist, you may want to acknowledge her feelings, but ultimately move on if you can.
This can be hard to do if the female narcissist is a member of your family, but you can create boundaries to help you maintain your dignity and emotional well-being. Just be warned — she may ignore your boundaries and do as she wishes.
Female Narcissists and Relationships
Studies have shown that both partners engage in more vicious behavior when the female in the couple is the narcissistic one.
Men tend to display more anger when they have to interact with a narcissistic partner, but the man’s level of narcissism has no correlation to these behaviors.
This suggests that narcissistic women are more hostile in relationships, which in turn causes their partners to exhibit more hostile and angry behaviors as well during an interaction.
This sets up a pattern of emotionally abusive behaviors that will inevitably destroy the trust and happiness in the relationship.
Why Are Female Narcissists So Cruel?
Cruelty can result from a female narcissist’s dissociation from the situation at hand.
This usually comes out when the narcissist is handling a lot of stress, like when they are engaged in an argument with their partner.
They dissociate with any of the positive feelings that they have toward their partner while they experience the negative feelings.
This is black or white thinking because the narcissist views her partner as being either all good or all bad.
She becomes like a toddler having a tantrum, unable to see or feel anything except the tremendous anger or frustration she’s experiencing.
Do you think you might have a woman in your life who is a narcissist?
Let’s review the traits of female narcissists so you can know for sure.
Sidebar: Are you in a relationship that is controlling and manipulative? If you want to break free then check out my Emotional Abuse Breakthrough course.
27 Glaring Traits Of A Female Narcissist.
1. The narcissist feels pleasure from other’s pain.
Female narcissists gain pleasure and joy when they bring other people down. She often makes jabs at people to simply hurt them or make them feel inferior.
She has no empathy when people are talking about serious things or emotions.
She also chooses to only provide shallow responses or voices cruel reprimands to invalidate other people’s feelings.
2. A woman narcissist quickly goes from love to hate.
She has a strong ability to first glorify, then devalue and dump her victims without thinking twice.
Once she gets what she needs out of a relationship, she is done with it.
Because she is unable to have healthy and fulfilling relationships of her own, she finds it fun to sabotage the relationships of others for her own personal entertainment.
3. The narcissist is extremely competitive with her friends.
In her group of female friends, the narcissist figures out who is a threat and who is just following along with the rest of the group.
Those who threaten the narcissist through their success, appearance, personality, status, or all of the above are targeted for removal, while the obedient people can be kept around until they can no longer benefit the narcissist in any way.
4. The female narcissist pits her friends against each other.
In order to feel superior to the people in her life, the narcissist will pit her friends against each other by saying that they are gossiping about each other when the truth is that her own fabrications are creating tension or conflict within the group.
5. A female narcissist is overly concerned with her appearance.
Female narcissists may be conventionally attractive, but regardless, they use their sexuality to help them get what they want.
Female narcissists put a heavy focus on their physical appearance, and often overestimate their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical attributes.
Because females in today’s society are socialized to objectify themselves, a narcissistic woman uses this social norm to try to assert her power.
6. She is materialistic.
While males are more likely to be focused on making money, female narcissists enjoy spending it.
She usually enjoys treating herself with the most expensive designer clothes, revels in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones, or allows herself be spoiled by a wealthy significant other for whom she hardly has feelings.
Her outward image is more important than her inner reality.
Female narcissists may also build their own wealth and use it as evidence of superiority.
7. A female narcissist disregards boundaries.
Female narcissists tend to have a group of admirers, such as exes that stay in the picture or even admirers who tend to lurk in the background.
She will use these people to disregard the boundaries of her relationships and try to make other people jealous.
She often creates love triangles and loves the drama of the conflict and the excessive male attention.
You may ask her to respect your feelings, time, money, or material things, but she will find a way to thwart your boundaries and make you feel bad about setting them.
8. A narcissist expects favorable treatment.
Not only does she seek favorable treatment, but she expects it.
She also believes that people should automatically comply with her.
She assumes that she is special, and therefore deserves fame, wealth, success, and satisfaction, even if that results in a cost to others.
9. Female narcissists are often jealous.
She is often envious, even though she appears to be very confident.
She looks for opportunities to undercut other people, and often buddies up to a friend to discuss how the two of them are superior to others in some way.
10. She thinks everyone is jealous of her.
While she feels jealousy on the inside, she also truly believes that other people are jealous of her, and she uses this excuse to explain her lack of close, intimate friendships.
If her friends are experiencing accomplishments of their own, she will find a way to downplay their achievements.
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11.
The narcissist places blame.Female narcissists blame other people for their problems.
They believe they could never make a mistake, so anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else.
They never feel ashamed because they believe they can do no wrong.
12. A female narcissist often appears unstable.
Female narcissists typically engage in risky behaviors, have addictive personalities, and are prone to becoming aggressive if and when they are rejected by others.
They are often either very happy or very upset without much of a middle ground, which leads others to think they are unstable.
13. She is overly sensitive to perceived slights.
If she thinks that someone is doubting her or speaking negatively of her, she is quick to react and fight back.
This often happens in a manner that is out of proportion to whatever she thinks someone is saying about her.
She will make a huge mountain out of a molehill.
14. The narcissist will never apologize.
Female narcissists believe they can do no wrong, so they are never in a position to offer an apology to someone.
If she does do something wrong, she is quick to blame it on someone else rather than taking responsibility.
15. She has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Two of the most noticeable signs of female narcissists include their feelings of entitlement and their belief they are more important than the people around them.
They will brag about their accomplishments and fish for compliments from other people.
16. A woman narcissist lacks common courtesy.
A narcissistic woman does not exhibit the socially normal behaviors of courtesy to other people.
She firmly believes that she exists in order to make the world complete, and therefore she sees no reason to acknowledge the needs of others.
Her mere presence is a gift to those around her.
17. The narcissist “punishes” her partner.
When she is in a romantic relationship, female narcissists typically disengage from their partner when they feel like they have been mistreated.
She may use neglect and abandonment to make her partner feel punished. She may also punish her partner by refusing sex.
18. A female narcissist lacks empathy.
She is unwilling to try to understand what other people are feeling and has no remorse for making someone feel inferior in any way.
She never attempts to put herself in another person’s shoes to empathize or understand their point of view because her perspective is the only one that matters.
19. The female narcissist loves to talk about herself.
A narcissistic woman’s favorite topic to discuss is herself. She will often jump into conversations and turn them around to her in some way so she has everyone’s attention.
She is active on social media and tries to gain as many friends or followers as she can.
She relishes in self-promotion and frequently posts selfies while looking picture-perfect.
But never make a negative or amusing comment at this woman’s expense on social media.
Her retribution is fierce.
21. A narcissist takes more than they gives.
The friend or lover who once showered you with her love and attention has made a sharp turn and is now a constant taker.
She thinks she deserves everything and could care less if you have nothing. If you complain too much, you’ll find yourself quickly pushed aside.
22. The female narcissist is a drama queen.
Her behavior is unpredictable and her reactions are often excessive.
An angry narcissist is able to continuously shock people with her rage and punishing ways towards other people.
She loves to stir the pot and watch other people scramble or react to her dramatic outbursts or behaviors.
23. She is a control freak.
People tend to overuse the word “controlling” when referring to a partner, but once you are in a relationship with a narcissist, “control” takes on a whole new meaning.
A narcissistic woman will not back down until your formerly loud voice is a quiet whimper.
It’s her way or the highway.
24. The narcissist loves to manipulate.
Manipulation is fun for narcissists, and female narcissists are masters at using passive-aggressive behaviors to confuse or hurt you.
You may get the silent treatment, be blocked on social media, your texts will go unanswered, or she will leave the house for extended periods of time, all to force you to do what she wants.
25. She is unfaithful in relationships.
She is an unfaithful partner, typically without remorse, and uses gaslighting and deceit directed at her partner.
However, her partner will usually spoil her and is unaware of her extreme disloyalty.
26. A female narcissist is exhausting to be around.
Between her constant demands and her not-so-subtle jabs, being around her is exhausting.
Trying to keep her happy while walking on eggshells in order to not set her off eventually just seems like a draining, neverending chore.
27. The narcissist thinks you are the one with the problem.
She certainly doesn’t realize that she is a narcissist, but if she were to read the traits listed above, she would think that you fit the bill.
The problem is never with her. It’s always with you.
Final Thoughts
When a female in your life has these narcissistic traits, she will negatively impact your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being.
It may be time to reevaluate her role in your life and cut back on the amount of time you spend with her.
If you are in a relationship with this person, it may be difficult to get out since she needs to be the one to leave, but in order to have a better life for yourself, you need to start taking steps to cut ties.
Narcissists: who they are, signs of narcissism, rules of conduct
The article was checked and commented by clinical psychologist and scientific researcher Christina Andreyuk.
- Who is
- How to recognize
- Men and women
- Types
- Treatment
- How to communicate
- How to leave
Who is a narcissist?
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Narcissism is a feature of the psyche in which a person perceives himself as a unique individual, considers himself better than others, which is not always true. In fact, these traits are present in the character of many people. In a healthy personality, they result in ambition and a desire to please. But under a certain scenario, laid down in childhood, such behavior can turn into a pathology, which is often accompanied by other diagnoses, such as bipolar disorder and depression. nine0003
Contrary to popular belief, people with narcissistic personality disorder do not like themselves very much. Rather, they admire their grandiose projection, which allows them to close gaps in their own self-esteem. Such protection allows narcissists to avoid deep feelings and self-doubt. A person with this disorder does not tolerate minimal criticism, he perceives remarks as a personal insult and is able to throw a tantrum if someone refuses to admire him. You can check how narcissistic traits are characteristic of you or your partner using the NPI questionnaire [1].
The more positive answers a person gives to statements from the list compiled by American psychologists and researchers Robert Raskin and Howard Terry, the more narcissistic features appear in him. Meeting people with a true personality disorder is not easy. According to various sources, their number in society varies from 1 to 6%. nine0003
How to recognize a narcissist?
According to the American psychiatrists' handbook "Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" [2], there are nine signs of narcissistic personality disorder. If at least five of these are present, a doctor may suspect a disorder. Usually such a person:
- Has an inflated sense of self-importance. He often exaggerates his achievements and talents. Expects people to admire his actions, even if they were minor. If the narcissist organized the cleaning of the yard, then at least the district newspaper should write about it. nine0006
- Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, or ideal love.
To each new partner, the narcissist can say that he is the love of his life or wait for him to fulfill his fantasies. The beginning of such a relationship is a magical, but short period. In work, the narcissist, according to him, is a genius. If he has not been able to achieve great results, he is simply sure that success lies ahead of him, even if it is time for him to retire. - Believes that he is not like others and has few equals. Therefore, the environment must match. The narcissist chooses “special” people as friends and partners, for example, with high social status or model appearance. Thus, he seems to reflect himself through them, because his problems are unique and can only be understood by special people. Narcissists like to be associated with big brands, whether it be in their work projects or clothing choices. nine0006
- Requires constant attention, recognition and admiration, even if you just took out the trash or cooked dinner.
- Absolutely sure that everyone owes him.
Expectations for other people are usually very high. Close people are obliged to fulfill the requests of the narcissist at the first call. - Uses other people to achieve his own goals. For him, it goes without saying. The narcissist is not used to sincerely thanking for services and does it only within the framework of the accepted ethical norm. nine0006
- It is difficult for him to experience empathy. Such people are not able to draw a parallel between their feelings and the feelings of others. Therefore, the narcissist does not even think about when he hurts someone. Very often, this behavior is mistaken for abuse by partners of narcissists. In fact, he may be concerned with how to hide the shame of his failure and not lose his greatness.
- Often jealous of others and believes that others envy him. In the latter case, it is by this circumstance that the narcissist explains the criticism of others in his address. nine0006
- Arrogant towards other people.
Such a person absolutely sincerely believes that he is better than others, and other people's shortcomings are an excellent reason to assert himself.
To decide to end a relationship with a narcissist, write down the reasons for breaking up and keep the list with you
© Unsplash
Men and women are narcissists disorder in one form or another, men are more likely to be affected by this disorder than women. The data were collected over a period of 30 years, and the percentage ratio between the sexes did not change much during this time [3]. nine0003
In doing so, the researchers noted two important points. First, male narcissists were more likely than females to exploit others and believe they were entitled to certain privileges. Secondly, men were more likely to seek power. Scientists explain this by the fact that until recently, leadership qualities did not meet the criteria for femininity. According to one of the authors of the study, Emily Griyalva, girls are more often criticized for aggressiveness and authoritarianism.
Thus, society unconsciously suppressed manifestations of narcissistic behavior [4]. nine0003
As regards vanity and striving for a bright self-presentation, in this respect there was no significant difference between men and women.
Types of narcissists and how they are formed
There are different approaches to the formation of narcissism, including studies that allow for genetic influence, but this is not a decisive factor in the formation of personality.
In 1914, Sigmund Freud stated that children somehow go through a stage of primary narcissism. He believed that this was an intermediate stage of growing up, but later he singled out other forms of narcissism, to a greater extent associated with mental disorders. nine0003
Neuro-Freudian Karen Horney argued that the development of such character traits may be due to the fact that parents in various ways pushed the child to create psychological protection. For example, they could delegate the embodiment of their ambitions or rejected the real manifestations of the child, instilling a sense of inferiority.
The contribution of parental figures to the formation of narcissistic disorder is also noted by psychotherapist and researcher Otto Kernberg. He compares narcissism with a false prop that a person erects in order to receive from others the admiration and confidence that he did not receive from his parents in childhood and cannot give himself in adulthood [5]. nine0003
In the book of psychologist Elinor Greenberg "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: the pursuit of Love Admiration and Safety" [6], the author divides narcissists into three types:
- Open, or grandiose. Embodied stereotype. A bright character illustrating this feature of development and behavior. His whole being screams, "Look at me." This childish behavior indicates that a person is stuck at an age when adults pay a lot of attention to the child, praise him excessively, suggest that he is special, forgetting to teach him empathy. nine0006
- Hidden or depressive.
Such people can grow up in families where one of the relatives, including mother or father, was a narcissist. At the same time, there was a high level of competition for love and attention. On the one hand, children copied the behavior model of narcissistic parents, on the other hand, such a child formed protective mechanisms, since an adult narcissist would certainly assert himself at his expense. Growing up, such people may not openly say that they are special. They would rather choose a person, a book, an object and exalt their virtues. Thus, the narcissist puts them on a par with himself. In personal relationships, such people do not like direct conflicts. Their weapon is passive aggression. A favorite technique is to promise and not deliver, and then blame the other person for everything. They tend to be insecure, and ambivalent behavior often leads them to depression. nine0006 - Perverse or toxic. Such people go even further. They love not only admiration, but also submission.
Narcissists of this type love to wreak havoc around themselves, the same that reigned in their childhood in relationships with their parents. These narcissists often give their partners an emotional rollercoaster of humiliation and praise. They take pleasure in destroying other people's careers, destroying people morally and spiritually.
Mixed representatives of these types also exist. nine0003
Treatment for Narcissism
Most often, narcissists do not even suspect that something is wrong with them, because they do not tend to blame themselves for something. So if such people were seen by a specialist, then the reason for this could be related problems: depression, bipolar disorder, or excessive alcohol consumption. There is no cure for narcissism yet. Psychotherapy has a positive effect on such patients. Properly structured classes can help a person establish relationships with loved ones, learn to withstand criticism, stop despising themselves and others, set realistic goals and achieve them, and not dream of sky-high heights [7].
nine0003
Although there is no cure for narcissism yet, psychotherapy has a positive effect
© Thiago Matos / Pexels
How to communicate with a narcissist?
Building an even relationship with a narcissist is not always easy. Some prefer to just cut them off. But what if this is not possible? Let's say that person is a family member or ex-husband/wife with whom you have children in common.
- The first thing psychologists advise is to try to detach yourself emotionally. Ignore toxic statements and manipulations. It is useless to expect sudden changes in behavior from such people. According to research, narcissists do not tend to learn from their own mistakes simply because they are sure they did not make them [8]. nine0006
- Your personal boundaries are your guard against the actions of a narcissist. “This won’t happen to me anymore”, “I won’t fall for these manipulations” - phrases that will help to avoid an unpleasant conversation or intrusive requests of a narcissist.
You can't wait for a response. - The shortest possible answers, conditionally “yes” and “no”, are your main allies in a dialogue with such a person if he began to resort to manipulation. By minimizing communication, you give him much less reason to hook on to some phrase and launch an attack. nine0006
- Stick to the topic of conversation and don't get sidetracked. Perhaps your counterpart will try to knock you out of the saddle with accusations or get personal. In this case, the phrase “We are going off topic” will help bring the discussion back on track.
- Compliments. If you really need to get something out of a narcissist, don't be stingy with praise. Most likely, he will even enjoy fulfilling your request. Yes, this is manipulation, but who said that only a narcissist can use this technique? nine0006
How to get away from a narcissist
The end of a relationship is never easy. With a narcissist, breaking up can be doubly difficult. For him, the fact that he was abandoned is an intolerable insult.
That is why he will try by hook or by crook to bring the partner back. During this period, he will become sensitive and gentle, will swear eternal love and will do this until his victim loses his vigilance. Often, therefore, relationships with a narcissist develop into a cycle of breaks and reunions. Nevertheless, if you decide to put an end to your communication, psychologists recommend the following:
- Write down the reasons why you want to leave. It's best to keep this list around in case the narcissist decides to drag you back into the relationship by talking about eternal love.
- Give up illusions. It is difficult for such people to change, especially without the help of a specialist. Do you have time to wait until he finally learns to show empathy and respect?
- Break all contacts. Ask a friend to pick up your belongings from the narcissist. Block this person in all phones and messengers. If you have children in common, at first ask someone close to you to be with you at general meetings.
nine0006 - Release your feelings. Breaking up, even with a toxic person, is always hard. Give yourself time to get over this situation. Just don't expect the narcissist to suffer in return. Most likely, during this period, he will try to restore his shattered ego and will choose not the most pleasant ways for this: either he will tell everyone what a bad person you are, or seek solace in the arms of someone else.
There are nine signs of narcissism, but five signs can already be suspected of it
© Martino Pietropoli / Unsplash
Kristina Andreyuk, clinical psychologist, researcher. Research interests: mentalization, manipulative behavior, personality disorders
In addition to family relationships, external factors can also enhance narcissistic traits. Media and social networks broadcast often unattainable ideals, and self-improvement services are imposed by advertising. All this can affect the psyche.
In "normal narcissism" people try to please others, to achieve success in work, which helps them to adapt in society.
However, in the case of pathology, a person's ideas about themselves are distorted. In this case, the emphasis is on the grandiosity of his figure. He experiences difficulties in forming adequate ideas about other people, abuses manipulations, grossly violates the boundaries of the interlocutor and ignores his comfort. Narcissistic features can manifest themselves in pathological perfectionism, hypochondria, constant attempts to correct their "flaws", including, for example, transforming one's appearance as the most noticeable attribute of self-presentation for others. nine0003
On the surface, narcissists give the impression of being rather pleasant people. According to research, many socially active narcissists have charisma, know how to hold an audience, are not afraid to express themselves, appear self-confident, and have high claims regarding academic and professional achievements. These qualities often show up in job interviews and help narcissists get into leadership positions.
However, such bosses may use too subjective criteria when evaluating employees, focusing not on their professional achievements, but on the degree of admiration, devotion, and the absence of doubts about the correctness of the leader's decisions. nine0003
Close relationships are difficult for narcissists. In partners and friends, they are primarily looking for confirmation of their exclusivity, superiority (which reinforces vulnerable self-esteem). Often, such people confuse the attachment that accompanies healthy partnerships and collaborations with the addiction that can shackle and inspire fear. The demands of constant adoration and recognition of their grandiosity, which the narcissist often implements in the form of excessive control over the thoughts and feelings of a partner, in most cases, sooner or later are not fully satisfied, which leads to conflicts and increased manipulative behavior. nine0003
If you have found any manifestations of narcissistic traits in yourself and want to change them, then it will be useful for you to develop the skills of self-reflection, mentalization (understanding mental states), work on the development of emotional intelligence, empathy (for example, discuss with friends the films you have watched, read books in terms of understanding the inner world of the characters, their motivation, etc.
). It is very important to learn to analyze what is happening from different positions, without sliding into extreme points, such as, for example, idealization and devaluation - look for alternative explanations. Try to look at situations or actions from different angles, noting the possible positive aspects of seemingly negative events, including during conversations with loved ones. nine0003
If your loved one has narcissistic traits, you need to learn how to track the emotional states of both you and your interlocutor. It is necessary to soberly analyze situations of interpersonal communication. For example, learning to recognize imposed guilt requires being able to maintain your boundaries and autonomy of choice. Psychotherapeutic help will be useful in both cases.
Tags: psychology
4 signs of an insecure person
Insecure people tend to hide their anxieties and fears behind false confidence, because of which their behavior often makes others feel inferior.
Author Kluber To read 4 min. Views 2k. Posted by
Have you ever met a person who made you feel inferior, perhaps even weak-willed, but despite all this, he also seemed insecure himself? Undoubtedly. The most curious thing in this situation is that behind the mask of self-confidence and greatness, as a rule, there is a very insecure person. nine0003
Insecure people tend to hide their anxieties and fears behind feigned confidence, because of which their behavior often makes others feel inferior. It's all about what Alfred Adler called an inferiority complex. And the fact that under the guise of an inferiority complex, as a rule, an insecure person is hiding, is no coincidence.
According to Adler, people who consider themselves inferior try to compensate for this feeling with the help of the so-called struggle for superiority. For such people, the only way to deal with uncertainty about their abilities and accept themselves is to put others down.
Adler argues that it is the struggle for superiority that underlies their neurosis. nine0003
Self-doubt and narcissism
Today it is generally accepted that the struggle for superiority is a sign of narcissistic personality disorder and implies the presence of deviations in the normal development of the personality, as a result of which a person begins to constantly look for ways to increase his self-esteem.
There are two types of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable. In the first case, the narcissist is an extrovert, he seeks to dominate and craves attention. The vulnerable narcissist, on the other hand, is very sensitive to criticism and disappointment, and criticism can eventually turn into an obsession with him. Moreover, his social relationships are degraded by pretentiousness and a constant need for other people's admiration. nine0003
Regardless of the type of narcissism, if communication with a person makes you feel inferior, it means that narcissism and low self-esteem are the culprits.
And although narcissism does not always reach the level of pathology, it is very common.
Self-Esteem and Narcissism
Some researchers believe that narcissism is better understood in terms of overt and covert narcissism rather than grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. And you need to behave with such people, based on what type of narcissism we are dealing with. nine0003
Psychologist James Brooks of the University of Derby (UK) has been researching how people with strong narcissistic tendencies view themselves in terms of their self-worth, effectiveness and belief in their ability to succeed. Using the example of university students, Brooks analyzed the correlation between open and covert narcissism, self-esteem and human productivity.
Narcissistic qualities that betray an insecure person
Research has identified several traits that help define the narcissistic personality and suggest how narcissists can be interpreted as such in their actions as indicative of their self-doubt.
- Insecure people try to make others feel insecure.
Do you often wonder about your worth when you are in the company of a certain person? Does he always tell you about his strengths? If you are one of those people who are confident in themselves, but in the presence of certain people you have doubts or feelings of inferiority, then it is likely that these people are projecting their low self-esteem onto you. nine0003
- Insecure people feel a strong need to share their accomplishments.
An insecure person needs to constantly assert himself, making others feel inferior. As a rule, it is enough for him to brag about his excellent life, amazing education and fantastic family. It's kind of a way to convince yourself that he's really important.
- Insecure people talk about their modesty too often. nine0079
The statement of one's modesty is a hidden way to stand out and make others inferior, thereby placing oneself above the rest.
Focusing on your modesty immediately betrays a narcissist.
- Insecure people tend to complain.
People with an acute inferiority complex always lack something for complete happiness. Given their current uncertainty, they are fully focused on higher goals. These individuals are obsessed with their prestige in the eyes of other people. They show their own superiority with the help of supposedly higher goals, which in the end only increase their insecurity due to the unattainability of these goals. nine0003
Final Thoughts
Learning to identify insecure people will help you dispel all doubts about yourself and your skills.
Refusing to give in to doubt will lead to a sense of satisfaction both in yourself and in those around you. Narcissists will not get rid of the inferiority complex if you feel inferior. On the contrary, it will lead to the appearance of deep psychological traumas from which it is very difficult to heal.
