What is a narcissistic parent like
10 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent
“If my son doesn’t grow up to be a professional baseball player, I’ll shoot ‘em!”
― Anonymous father
“Aren’t you beautiful? Aren’t you beautiful? You’re going to be just as pretty as mommy!”
― Anonymous mother
“My father’s favorite responses to my views were: ‘but…,’ ‘actually…,’ and ‘there’s more to it than this…’ He always has to feel like he knows better.”
A narcissistic parent can be defined as someone who lives through, is possessive of, and/or engages in marginalizing competition with the offspring. Typically, the narcissistic parent perceives the independence of a child (including adult children) as a threat, and coerces the offspring to exist in the parent’s shadow, with unreasonable expectations. In a narcissistic parenting relationship, the child is rarely loved just for being herself or himself.
Numerous studies have been conducted on the subject of narcissistic parenting and its impact on offspring. (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6) It's important to distinguish certain parent-centric tendencies from chronic narcissistic parenting. Many parents want to show off their children, have high expectations, may be firm at times (such as when a child is behaving destructively), and desire their offspring to make them proud. None of these traits alone constitute pathological narcissism. What distinguishes the narcissistic parent is a pervasive tendency to deny the offspring, even as an adult, a sense of independent selfhood. The offspring exists merely to serve the selfish needs and machinations of the parent(s).
How do you know when a parent may be narcissistic? The following are 10 telltale signs, with references from my books How to Successfully Handle Narcissists and A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Change Towards the Higher Self. While some parents may exhibit a few of the following traits at one time or another, which might not be a major issue, a pathologically narcissistic parent tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how these behaviors affect one’s offspring. *
1. Uses/Lives Through One’s Child
Most parents want their children to succeed. Some narcissistic parents, however, set expectations not for the benefit of the child, but for the fulfillment of their own selfish needs and dreams. Instead of raising a child whose own thoughts, emotions, and goals are nurtured and valued, the offspring becomes a mere extension of the parent’s personal wishes, with the child’s individuality diminished.
“My mom used to love dolling me up in cute dresses, even though I was a tomboy by nature. I think she felt that when I received compliments for my appearance, she looked good in reflection. It boosted her self-worth.”
“You have opportunities I’ve never had…After you become a doctor you can do as you please. Until then you do as I say!”
― Father to son in Dead Poets Society
Some narcissistic parents are threatened by their offspring’s potential, promise, and success, as they challenge the parent’s self-esteem. Consequently, a narcissistic mother or father might make a concerted effort to put the child down, so the parent remains superior. Examples of this type of competitive marginalization include nit-picking, unreasonable judgment and criticisms, unfavorable comparisons, invalidation of positive attitudes and emotions, and rejection of success and accomplishments.
The common themes through these put-downs are: “There’s always something wrong with you,” and “You’ll never be good enough.” By lowering the offspring’s confidence, the narcissistic parent gets to boost her or his own insecure self-worth.
“I pleaded with my mother on the phone for the lab fee of my college science class. She finally agreed to pay, but only after saying that it was a waste of money on me.”
3. Grandiosity and Superiority
Many narcissistic parents have a falsely inflated self-image, with a conceited sense about who they are and what they do. Often, individuals around the narcissist are not treated as human beings, but merely tools (objects) to be used for personal gain. Some children of narcissistic parents are objectified in the same manner, while others are taught to possess the same, false superiority complex: “We’re better than they are.” This sense of grandiose entitlement, however, is almost exclusively based on superficial, egotistical, and material trappings, attained at the expense of one’s humanity, conscientiousness, and relatedness. One becomes more “superior” by being less human.
4. Superficial Image
Closely related to grandiosity, many narcissistic parents love to show others how “special” they are. They enjoy publically parading what they consider their superior dispositions, be it material possessions, physical appearance, projects and accomplishments, background and membership, contacts in high places, and/or trophy spouse and offspring. They go out of their way to seek ego-boosting attention and flattery.
For some narcissistic parents, social networking is a wonderland where they regularly advertise how wonderful and envy-worthy their lives are. The underlying messages may be: “I am/my life is so special and interesting,” and “Look at ME – I have what you don’t have!”
“What my mother displays in public and how she really is are very different.”
Common examples of narcissistic parenting manipulation include:
- Guilt trip: “I’ve done everything for you and you’re so ungrateful.”
- Blaming: “It’s your fault that I’m not happy.”
- Shaming: “Your poor performance is an embarrassment to the family.”
- Negative comparison: “Why can’t you be as good as your brother?”
- Unreasonable pressure: “You will perform at your best to make me proud.”
- Manipulative reward and punishment: “If you don’t pursue the college major I chose for you, I will cut off my support.”
- Emotional coercion: “You’re not a good daughter/son unless you measure up to my expectations.”
A common theme running through these forms of manipulation is that love is given as a conditional reward, rather than the natural expression of healthy parenting. On the other hand, the withholding of love is used as threat and punishment.
6. Inflexible and Touchy
Certain narcissistic parents are highly rigid when it comes to the expected behaviors of their children. They regulate their offspring on minor details and can become upset when there’s deviation. Some narcissistic parents are also touchy and easily triggered. Reasons for irritation towards an offspring can vary greatly, from the child’s lack of attention and obedience, to perceived faults and shortcomings, to being in the presence of the parent at the wrong time, et cetera.
One reason for the parent’s inflexibility and touchiness is the desire to control the child. The narcissist responds negatively and disproportionally when she or he sees that the offspring will not always be pulled by the strings.
“I hate it when you put groceries on the checkout counter that way. I told you before I hate it!”
― Mother to daughter at supermarket
7. Lack of Empathy
One of the most common manifestations of a narcissistic father or mother is the inability to be mindful of the child’s own thoughts and feelings, and validate them as real and important. Only what the parent thinks and feels matters.
Children under this type of parental influence over time may respond with one of three survival instincts: They may fight back and stand up for themselves. They may flee to create distance from their parent(s). Some may begin to freeze and substitute their invalidated real self with a false persona (playing a role), thus adopting traits of narcissism themselves.
Some narcissistic parents expect their children to take care of them for the rest of their lives. This type of dependency can be emotional, physical, and/or financial. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with taking care of older parents — it’s an admirable trait — the narcissistic parent typically manipulates an offspring into making unreasonable sacrifices, with little regard for the offspring’s own priorities and needs.
“My mom (a single parent in her late 30s) expects me to support her financially on an ongoing basis. She says that she can’t live without me. ”
― Anonymous college student
Some narcissistic parents may also maneuver their adult children into codependency. Psychology professor Shawn Burn defines a codependent relationship as one where “one person’s help supports (enables) the other’s underachievement, irresponsibility, immaturity, addiction, procrastination, or poor mental or physical health.”
9. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Since a narcissistic mother or father often hopes that the child will permanently dwell under the parent’s influence, she or he may become extremely jealous at any signs of the child’s growing maturity and independence. Any perceived act of individuation and separation, from choosing one’s own academic and career path, to making friends not approved by the parent, to spending time on one’s own priorities, are interpreted negatively and personally (“Why are you doing this to me?”).
In particular, the appearance of a romantic partner in the adult offspring’s life may be viewed as a major threat, and frequently responded to with rejection, criticism, and/or competition. In the eyes of some narcissistic parents, no romantic partner is ever good enough for their offspring, and no interloper can ever challenge them for dominance of their child.
“How dare that woman take my son away from me? Who does she think she is?”
In some situations, a narcissistic parent may choose to focus primarily on her or his self-absorbing interests, which to the narcissist are more exciting than child-raising. These activities may provide the narcissist the stimulation, validation, and self-importance she or he craves, be it career obsession, social flamboyance, or personal adventures and hobbies. The child is left either to the other parent or on his or her own.
“My husband’s an absent father. He’s always off doing something fun for himself, which he prefers to spending time with our child. He’s an extremely selfish person.”
For tips on how to deal with Narcissists, see my book (click on title): “How to Successfully Handle Narcissists”.
For tips on how Narcissists can attain greater emotional and social intelligence, see my books (click on title): “A Practical Guide for Narcissists to Change Towards the Higher Self”.
*In cases of serious family distress, contact counseling and mental health professionals for help.
© 2016 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.
11 Effects of Narcissistic Parents and How To Deal With Them
| 9 Narcissistic Parents Traits | 11 Effects of Narcissistic Parents | How to Deal With a Narcissistic Parent |
What is a narcissistic parent
A narcissistic parent is a self-centered and self-absorbed parent who has an inflated self-image and thinks that they are better than others. They often disregard other people’s needs and concerns, including their children’s, because they believe their needs and feelings are the most important. In severe cases, they suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
9 Narcissistic Parent traits
Narcissists tend to have the following types of behaviors 1:
Grandiosity is the core characteristic of narcissism. A narcissist parent has an inflated sense of their own importance and fantasizes about unlimited power, superiority, uniqueness, and perfection. They believe their opinions and ideas are better than anyone else’s and the only ones that matter2.
It is common for narcissistic parents to be overly preoccupied with their own emotional needs, believing that they should always come first, and expecting others to meet their needs instantly without question3. Everyone else is just there to satisfy their needs and be under their control. They expect preferential treatment and believe their needs should take precedence over those of their children.
Furthermore, they are controlling parents who see themselves as entitled to manipulate their kids or take unfair advantage of them in order to get what they want. To control their children, they often use shaming, guilt-tripping, and yelling.
Lack of empathy
Narcissists are cold, critical, demanding, and unresponsive to the needs of others. They are indifferent to the negative impacts of their narcissistic behavior and demeaning remarks on others but expect others to empathize with them4.
They think they are superior to others and talk down to them. They make sure others know that and refer to their superiority frequently. Narcissists believe they are never wrong and blame others all the time for their mistakes5.
Often, people who feel superior think others are less deserving6. They make frequent condescending remarks about others and criticize their choices or actions. This includes their own children. Narcissistic parents constantly put down their children and nothing they do is good enough for them.
They are often jealous and envious of others and believe that everyone else is envious of them. In order to prove their superiority over others, they tend to surround themselves with people who achieve less and will agree with them 7.
They are emotionally immature parents. A threat to their positive self-image causes them to become emotionally dysregulated and react to criticism with extreme rage8. Whenever they don’t get what they want, they can explode into anger, shaming, guilting, and accusing everyone.
In order to be the center of attention, they are always roasting or bragging about their accomplishments9. They crave signals of superiority and compliments so much that even insincere flattery is not recognized.
When narcissistic father or mother shows attention-seeking behavior, they portray themselves as loving, caring parents who have sacrificed a lot for their children.
Intolerant to child’s differences in values, opinions, and needs
Not allowing differences in ideas is one of the most common themes of covert narcissistic parents because their children are seen as extensions of themselves10. Disagreements are viewed as personal attacks that infuriate them. The parent will belittle and dismiss anything that does not match their point of view.
11 effects of narcissistic parents
Children of narcissists are negatively affected in many ways. The formative years play a vital role in a child’s social, psychological, and emotional development. Adverse childhood experiences (ACE) can have detrimental long-term effects.
Here are some of the traits of children of narc parents.
1. Low self-esteem
After being told toxic things like “you are worthless” your whole life, a child under influence of narcissistic parenting can feel incompetent and have low self-esteem11. While you may not be consciously aware of these difficult feelings, they can run in the background and have a profound effect on your everyday life.
2. Crave approval and validation from others
Narcissistic parents use their child to fulfill their unsatisfied needs for admiration, praise, recognition, and achievement, driving the child to constantly search for approval from them. Even as an adult, an inner critic keeps telling you that you’re not good enough because your parents had set impossible standards for you. You may become dependent on others for validation and reassurance.
3. Chronic shame
You may be suffering from chronic shame. Narcissists project their toxic shame onto others, particularly their children. Children are often ridiculed or humiliated for having their own opinions or feelings. The effects of shame can be debilitating and cause issues in adulthood.
4. People pleaser
The adult child remains trapped in the roles they assumed as a child of a narcisistic parent and does not possess a strong sense of self. These individuals are extremely self-sacrificing in their romantic relationships. They are people-pleasers who don’t have their own opinions, desires, or dreams because they were muted as children to please their parents. You may strive to please others, even if it hurts you in some way.
5. Struggle with expressing or regulating emotions
You have learned not to express your needs and emotions because you repressed them throughout childhood. Additionally, you never learned how to control your negative emotions. Now, you find it difficult to regulate negative feelings, such as anger or sadness.
Learn more about Parenting
6. Difficulty forming healthy relationships
Most likely, you have attachment issues with your parents growing up. An insecure attachment affects how you view yourself and others, and your ability to form a healthy adult relationship. You may find it difficult to maintain a close relationship. You are also more prone to having unhealthy patterns of relationships including domestic violence.
7. Lack of boundaries
You were taught as a child to follow instructions and never speak your mind. No opportunity was given to assert your independence or rights. Now you have no idea how to assert yourself, maintain boundaries, or stand up for yourself.
As a child, you were always forced to follow your parents’ orders and were not allowed to have an opinion of your own. As a result, even when given the chance in adulthood, you may have a hard time making your own decisions.
9. Self-defeating thoughts
Your emotions and behavior may still be affected by your parent’s negative messages. Self-defeating thoughts can cripple your ability to function as an adult.
10. Health issues
Physical health or mental health conditions could be affecting you. Continuous stress caused by abusive behavior over time can result in physical illness. A wide range of mental disorders may also be present, such as anxiety, depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, etc.
11. Wonder why others treasure their families so much
A narcissistic family is more of a source of pain for you than a place of safety. You may find it inconceivable that others seem to cherish their families so deeply and find happiness in life.
Also See: Toxic Mother and How To Deal With Her
How to heal from narcissistic parents
It has been a difficult journey, and now’s the time to take the first step to heal from this childhood trauma.
An important step in healing is to recognize that you are not responsible for the emotional abuse you suffered as a child. No matter how much your parents try to manipulate and claim otherwise, abused children are not at fault.
Set healthy boundaries with narcissistic parents
Adult children of narcissistic parents must learn to establish healthy boundaries and respectful connections. It may be necessary or even a good thing for you to end the abusive relationship with your toxic parents for your own mental well-being. You do not have to endure unpleasant parent-child interactions.
Build your support network
Those who haven’t experienced this usually don’t understand what it’s like to be raised by narcissists. Your friends may try to help, but end up saying things that hurt you even more. So the best way to find social support is to look for local support groups and people who have had common experiences. Create a support network that can help you adopt self-supporting/coping behavior and get through tough times.
Exercise and meditation
Meditation and exercise can help lift your mood12 and strengthen your immune system13, which has been weakened by high levels of stress created by narcissist parenting through the years.
Do not try to change them
Narcissists cannot see themselves as they are. In their entire lives, they believe they are right and everyone who disagrees with them is wrong. Trying to change them will likely cause you more pain.
Do not try to get an apology
You won’t get one. Period.
Get professional help
A lifetime of abuse can be a difficult thing to deal with on your own. The good news is there is help for you. Look for an experienced therapist for support. They can help you develop your own identity, a healthy sense of self, and good self-esteem that your actual parents didn’t provide.
Määttä M, Määttä K, Uusiautti S, Äärelä T. “SHE DOES NOT CONTROL ME ANYMORE BUT I CAN HEAR HER VOICE SOMETIMES” – A PHENOMENOGRAPHIC RESEARCH ON THE RESILIENCE PERCEPTIONS OF CHILDREN WHO HAVE SURVIVED FROM UPBRINGING BY A NARCISSISTIC PARENT. Zenodo. Published online February 11, 2020. doi:10.5281/ZENODO.3662420
Overview: narcissistic personality disorder. AJP. Published online January 1982:12-20. doi:10.1176/ajp.139.1.12
Ackerman RA, Donnellan MB. Evaluating Self-Report Measures of Narcissistic Entitlement. J Psychopathol Behav Assess. Published online March 27, 2013:460-474. doi:10.1007/s10862-013-9352-7
Baskin-Sommers A, Krusemark E, Ronningstam E. Empathy in narcissistic personality disorder: From clinical and empirical perspectives. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. Published online 2014:323-333. doi:10.1037/per0000061
Carlson EN. Honestly Arrogant or Simply Misunderstood? Narcissists’ Awareness of their Narcissism. Self and Identity. Published online May 2013:259-277. doi:10.1080/15298868.2012.659427
Ronningstam E. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Journal of Psychiatric Practice. Published online March 2011:89-99. doi:10.1097/01.pra.0000396060.67150.40
Pincus AL, Lukowitsky MR. Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. Published online March 1, 2010:421-446. doi:10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.121208.131215
Ronningstam E. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Current Review. Curr Psychiatry Rep. Published online January 8, 2010:68-75. doi:10.1007/s11920-009-0084-z
Skodol AE, Bender DS, Morey LC. Narcissistic personality disorder in DSM-5. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. Published online October 2014:422-427. doi:10. 1037/per0000023
Atlas GD, Them MA. Narcissism and Sensitivity to Criticism: A Preliminary Investigation. Curr Psychol. Published online February 16, 2008:62-76. doi:10.1007/s12144-008-9023-0
Munich RL, Munich MA. Overparenting and the Narcissistic Pursuit of Attachment. Psychiatr Ann. Published online April 2009. doi:10.3928/00485713-20090401-04
Mikkelsen K, Stojanovska L, Polenakovic M, Bosevski M, Apostolopoulos V. Exercise and mental health. Maturitas. Published online December 2017:48-56. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2017.09.003
Pedersen BK, Hoffman-Goetz L. Exercise and the Immune System: Regulation, Integration, and Adaptation. Physiological Reviews. Published online July 1, 2000:1055-1081. doi:10.1152/physrev.2000.80.3.1055
About Pamela Li, MS, MBA
Pamela Li is a bestselling author. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Parenting For Brain. Her educational background is in Electrical Engineering (MS, Stanford University) and Business Management (MBA, Harvard University). Learn more
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Narcissistic Parent - frwiki.wiki
Narcissistic Parent is a parent affected by severe narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. As a rule, narcissistic parents are exceptionally close to their children and possessive, and they may be especially envious and feel threatened by their growing independence. This can lead to narcissistic attachment, in which the child exists only to satisfy the wants and needs of the parents. From a developmental perspective, a narcissistic parent will harm the child in the areas of reasoning, emotionality, ethics, social behavior, and relationships as the child ages. In the field of narcissistic parenting, personal boundaries are often ignored in an attempt to manipulate the child to meet the expectations of his parents. nine0005
Narcissistic people with low self-esteem feel the need to control how others look at them for fear of being blamed or rejected and that their personal shortcomings will be exposed. They are self-centered and sometimes megalomaniacal. They care about their image, are generally inflexible, and lack empathy for parenting.
- 1 Features
- 2 Children of daffodils
- 3 Literature
- 4 See also
- 5 links
- 6 Further reading
- 7 External links
The term narcissism, as Sigmund Freud used it in his clinical study, referred to behavioral observations of self-praise, self-respect, fear of failure, fear of losing people's affection, use of defense mechanisms, perfectionism, and interpersonal conflict. .
Narcissism tends to play with generations; Narcissistic parents produce narcissistic or co-dependent children. While parental self-confidence (good enough) may allow the child to achieve self-development, the narcissistic parent may use the child as a vehicle to promote their own image. The self-improvement father that the son admires can make him feel like a puppet in the face of the father's emotional and/or intellectual demands. nine0005
To maintain self-esteem and hide their vulnerability, narcissists need to control the behavior of others, especially their children, who are seen as extensions of themselves. Such narcissistic parents may talk about "carrying the torch", "keeping up the image of the family" or "making mom or dad proud" and may blame their children for exposing their "weakness", "too dramatic" or not dating. "what is expected" standard. As a result, children of narcissists learn to "play their part" and "realize their special skills", especially in public or in front of others; they usually don't have many memories of feeling loved or appreciated, but rather that they depended on their conformity to the requirements of a narcissistic parent. nine0005
Destructive narcissistic parents have a pattern of repetitive behavior: being the center of attention, exaggerating, seeking compliments, and belittling their children. Punishment in the form of censure, criticism, or emotional blackmail, as well as attempts to induce guilt can be used to enforce compliance with the parents' wishes and their narcissistic supply needs.
Children of Narcissists
Some children can watch selfish parents meet their needs and learn to deal with and use guilt. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to gain satisfaction. The most common consequences of a narcissistic upbringing are feelings of emptiness, insecurity in romantic relationships, unfounded fears, distrust of others, identity conflicts, and self-esteem. Inability to lead a solitary existence independent of the parent. nine0005
Sensitive, guilty children learn to satisfy their parents' needs through satisfaction and try to get their love accommodating their parents' whims and desires. The child's feelings are ignored, denied, and ultimately suppressed in order to win the "love" of the parents. Guilt and shame are buried in the child, which leads to a violation of his development. Their aggressive impulses and anger separate and are no longer integrated into normal development. These children develop a false self as a defense mechanism and become codependent in their relationships. The unconscious denial of the child's true self perpetuates the cycle of self-hatred, fearing the return of their true self. nine0005
Narcissistic upbringing often results in children being victimized or ridiculed, hypersexuality (media-driven), poor idea of (or distorted) body image, addiction to and/or abuse of drugs or alcohol, causes modification bodies, such as piercings or tattoos, or activities (potentially dangerous) to attract attention.
- Sons and Lovers explored the theme of the narcissistic mother.
- Metamorphosis explored the theme of the narcissistic father.
- Sylvia Plath struggled with the need to please her narcissistic father by publicly demonstrating it.
- Author Victoria Redel's novel Loverboy is written from the point of view of a mother who exhibits traits of an extreme narcissistic upbringing.
- Parenting style
- ↑ David Stafford and Liz Hodgkinson, Codependency (London, 1995), pp. 41
- ↑ (2015, April 27).
- ↑ Banschick MD, M. (March 13, 2013).
- ↑ a b and c Rappoport, Alan, Ph.D. Co-narcissism: how we adapt to the narcissist.
- ↑ Ruskin, Robert and Howard.
- ↑ Simon Crompton, All About Me: The Love of a Narcissus (London, 2007), page 119
- ↑ Salman Akhtar, Good Feeling (London, 2009), pp. 86
- ↑ Heinz Kohut, How does analysis heal?
- ↑ Joseph Glenmullen, Prozac Backlash (New York, 2000), pp. 278 and pp. 266
- ↑ Boyd R. How Oedipal Narcissistic Development in Early Childhood Affects Intimacy and Relationships Later in Life, 2011
- ↑ a and b Lynn Namka, ed. Selfishness and narcissism in family relationships.
- ↑ McBride, K. (2008).
- ↑ Pinsky, Drew, S. M. Young, and Jill Stern.
- ↑ a and b R. Fainberg, Narcissus in treatment (2013), pp. 7-8
- ↑ S. Kavalier-Adler, Klein-Winnicott Dialectic (2013), p. 211
- ↑ (in) Victoria Redel, Loverboy: A Novel , San Diego, Harcourt , 1- e ed. , 214 p. (ISBN 978-0-15-600724-5)
- Gardner, F "To spice it up was my life": thoughts of submission and sacrifice as consequences of malignant identification with a narcissistic parent British Journal of Psychotherapy, Volume 21, Issue 1, Pages 49-62 (2006)
- Brown, Nina W. Self-absorbed Children: An Adult Guide to Overcoming Narcissistic Parents (2008)
- Campbell, Lady Colin, Narcissa's daughter: a family's struggle to survive their mother's narcissistic personality disorder (2009)
- Donaldson-Pressman, S. and Pressman, R. M. The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment (1997)
- Golomb, Elan in mirror trap Adult children of narcissists in their struggle for themselves (1995)
- Hotchkiss, Sandy and Masterson, James F. Why is it always about you? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism (2003) - see chapter 9 - Narcissistic parent
- McBride, Caryl, Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers (2009)
- Miller A. The drama of a gifted child, how narcissistic parents shape and distort the emotional life of their talented children (1981)
- Nazaré-Aga, Isabelle Manipulative Parents (2014)
- Payson, Eleanor The Wizard of Oz and other narcissists: overcoming one-sided relationships in work, love and family (2002) - see chapter 5
- Pinsky, "The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Seduces America" (2009) - See Chapter 8
- Twenge, Gene M. and Campbell, W. Keith Edydemic of Narcissism: Living in an Age of Rights (2009) - see Chapter 5
|Types||Mischievous Narcissism Delusions of Grandeur Narcissistic Personality Disorder nine0218|
|Features||Betrayal Boasting Egocentrism Empathy Jealousy Fiction Megalomania Hybris Magical Thinking Metrosexual Mental Manipulation Narcissistic Abuse Fury Narcissistic Eating Narcissistic Grooming Perfectionism Self Esteem Shame Prestige Superficial Complex Self Superiority Vanity|
|Narcissistic defenses||Disclaimer · Projection · Splitting me|
|Cultural events||Control Freak Dorian Gray Syndrome|
|Related Articles||Codependency · Counter-dependency · Black Triad · Ego-Ideal - Ego-Ideal · God Complex · Messiah Complex · Micromanagement · Narcissism of Small Differences · Narcissistic Leadership · Narcissistic Parenthood · Narcissistic Personality Inventory · Narcissus · Na Narcissism · Waknin · Self-Esteem · Addiction to Self-Satisfaction · spoiled child · culture of narcissism · prejudice · narcissistic perversion nine0218|
What are the injuries that narcissistic parents inflict on us
People who are called narcissists often function successfully in life. In communication, they give the impression of charming and gifted personalities. Their self-control is better developed than those suffering from borderline personality disorder or regressive features. nine0005
In the clinic, I often work with such people or patients raised by narcissistic parents. They have some peculiarities:
In communication with others, they often mention themselves or talk about themselves.
They have an increased need for love and admiration.
They need to be constantly reminded how special they are.
The narcissist is torn apart by internal contradictions between a sense of his own importance and value and the opposite sense of his own insignificance, which he tries to fight, getting the attention and admiration of others. Because of this, communication is difficult and discouraging. At first you feel that they are in dire need of special attention and care, and soon they no longer need it, and criticism will be the answer to attention. nine0005
Abrupt changes within the same conversation, as well as other personal characteristics of narcissists, create such problems in communicating with them.
If you had such parents, you probably had problems with spontaneity, creativity and play. Imagination and spontaneity were stifled by constant tension - you couldn't afford to relax even for a second. They did not understand what was happening, due to the unpredictable and contradictory behavior of the parents. In severe cases, you may have experienced psychological trauma. nine0005
One of my patients said: “I was afraid to go home. When my father was at home, it was very difficult. His mood could change unpredictably in the blink of an eye. One day I come home, and he just brought everyone a few pieces of cake. I was very happy and told him about it. But before I finished the first bite, his mood changed dramatically. He decided that I didn't really like the cake and would have preferred something else.
He said that he noticed something in my facial expression that he did not like, and began to literally interrogate me, and eventually accused me of ingratitude. Everything could end very unpleasantly. I lost heart, realizing that I could not change anything. I still had a piece of cake in my mouth, and he began to get angry and accuse me of ingratitude. nine0005
I burst into tears before finishing my meal, and as a result, I got my face dirty, which pissed him off even more. All this was terrible, but quite typical and expected. When the father was very angry, he could turn to physical violence. Coming back from school, I thought with horror what would happen this time if he was at home.
Unpredictability in parental behavior can be psychologically traumatic for a child, especially when it comes to physical assault
If you grew up in such conditions, it will most likely be very difficult for you to reveal your creative potential and your talents. nine0005
Other long-term effects are possible. Children of parents with this trait often find partners with similar personality problems. As children, they learned that their role is to soothe and comfort the narcissist, and so they look for such a partner.
Everything repeats as they unwittingly return to unhealthy situations from childhood. I've met adults who have had several relationships or even marriages in which the same narcissistic pattern was repeated. Psychotherapy can help you break out of this vicious circle, rethink problems and experiences that are sucking you back into the familiar relationship pattern.