How to punish a teenager

How To Discipline Teenagers? 8 Tips That Will Work

Positively disciplining teenagers may be easier than mostly perceived.

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The significance of discipline for teenagers is high because they are at an age when they can either embark on a commendable life journey or lose their way. As parents, you have to guide them and help them be the best versions of themselves.

That said, different parents define discipline differently. For some parents, it is about keeping a tab and watching over everything their children do; however, for others, it is about having complete faith in their children and giving them absolute freedom to make their own mistakes while occasionally checking on them.

Since this is when they begin developing ideas and forming their own opinions, both approaches are correct. However, choose the right one for your child depending on your family arrangement and expectations.

In this post, we give you a few tips on how to discipline your teenagers and handle the challenges you might face.

Typical Teenage Behavior

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For a young child, you are their role model, and they share every small detail with you. However, once they enter their teenage years, they would begin to trust friends more than anyone and be more self-centered.

Although they act responsibly in some aspects, they might be stubborn and throw temper tantrums sometimes. Also, there might be a clash of opinions between you and them.

If your teenager prefers spending more time with their friends and keeping some aspects of their life away from you, do not lose heart, as this is completely normal. It could cause you pain, but let them figure it out gradually.

Did you know?

During puberty, children undergo cognitive changes that allow them to think more abstractly. They question the world around them and solve problems in creative ways, which may contribute to some behavior issues (3) (4).

Related: Top 25 Social Skills Activities For Teens And Young Children

How To Discipline Your Teenager The Right Way

Disciplining teenagers is essential to keep their changing behaviors in check. Without discipline, your teenager might fall into bad habits and give in to peer pressure.

Here are a few positive ways to discipline your child.

1. Ground them, but reasonably

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Grounding children is an age-old disciplining technique. You could use it as a last resort. Do not ground them for petty reasons, but if they continue to party late into the night despite repeated reminders or if they skip school and loiter around, they deserve to be grounded.

2. Take away privileges

If your teenager takes your love and care for granted, it is time to teach them the value of the luxuries they enjoy. However, before you take away their privileges, make sure you communicate to them why you are doing it. Else it might lead to false assumptions and strong protests from your teenager. Also, do not push it too far; limit it to a fixed period.

3. Your house, your rules

It is ok for your teenager to make decisions and handle their life occasionally. But, too much of anything can be harmful. If your teenager disobeys your rules and mocks you for telling them what is right and wrong, it is time to be assertive with them. Let them know that it is your house, and things would go according to your rules.

Quick tip

Involve your teen in working out rules and limits. When they feel that you listen to them and they can contribute, they are more likely to stick to the agreed rules (4).

Related: 5 Useful Tips To Handle Ethical & Moral Dilemmas For Teenagers

4. Let them face the consequences

Experience is the best teacher. Sometimes, it is best to let your teenager face the consequences of their actions. However, make sure your child learns a valuable life lesson out of the experience. Also, talk to your teenager and understand their side of the story to ensure they do not land in trouble.

5. Do not issue commands

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Teenagers tend to rebel and protest when you issue commands. For example, if you say, “Tell me where you are going?” your teenager is likely to stomp their feet and leave. However, if you say, “I worry about you; it would help me calm down if you tell me where you are going,” it could help discipline them positively.

6. Let them mend things

Another way to discipline your teenager is by giving them a chance to correct their mistakes. If they have hurt someone or damaged something, come up with a plan to let them make amends. It could be going over to the person they have hurt and apologizing or working extra hours to pay for the damages. This will make them think of their actions and their effects, and they might think twice before committing such a mistake.

7. Give them more responsibilities

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Want your teenager to understand the value of something? Give them more responsibilities. For example, if your teenager snorts and makes faces when you prepare a decent meal after working two shifts, make them cook dinner for the whole family, or ask them to do grocery shopping for an entire week. This will help them understand your struggle and sacrifices.

Related: 10 Handy Tips To Make Your Teenager More Responsible

8. Befriend them

This might not sound like a discipline strategy, but it does more than disciplining your teenager. Making friends with your teenage child will help you gain their trust. Try to spend time with them and make them feel that you respect and understand their feelings. If you can find an activity that you both enjoy, it is the fastest route to befriending your teenager.

Now that you know how to discipline your teenager, let us have a look at the challenges you are likely to face along the journey.

Quick tip

Use descriptive praise whenever an agreed rule or limit is followed. For example, ‘Thanks for coming straight home from the soccer match’ (4).

Common Challenges While Disciplining Your Teenager

Disciplining a teenager is no cakewalk. There will be arguments, fights, slamming of doors, and much more, as these are part and parcel of adolescence, and you need to find a way to navigate through these challenges.

Stubbornness

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You might tell your teenager to tidy their room. However, they seldom obey and show stubbornness. During these times, you need to put your foot down and make them do it. They may feel bad during the first few attempts, but slowly they might understand why and start doing it themselves.

Testing the limits

Teenagers tend to push their luck and test the limits. It could be taking advantage of your softness towards them or getting things done their way. They may fight with you if you say no for a sleepover. Do not let things go out of your hands; if you feel they are testing the limits, tell them firmly what your expectations are, and let them know that they must stick to the plan.

Comparisons

Teenagers tend to compare their lives with that of their friend’s. They might only see what is visible to the open eye and believe their friends have a restriction-free life. Whenever your child tries to compare themselves with others, tell them each family has its own house rules that need to be followed. Also, tell them how they are failing to see the bigger picture.

Short temper

It could be the changing hormones or their very nature. Teenagers tend to be short-tempered and snap out at the slightest disagreement. Do not let this happen often. Stop talking to them and walk out of the room. If they follow you, tell them you are ready to speak only when they calm down and talk with respect.

Power struggle

As soon as children hit adolescence, they feel they are grown up. However, as parents, you would know how naive they can be. There will be a power struggle. During such times, do not get into an argument with them or tell them how wrong they are. Set certain limits and teach them to respect people’s space and freedom as they would want someone to respect theirs.

1. How do I teach my teenager to be positive?

You may try following simple techniques–encouraging them to communicate openly, teaching kindness and compassion behaviors, helping them hone their unique skills, avoiding comparisons, and helping them maintain mental and physical health (1).

2. What can I do when my teenager swears at me?

If you notice your teenager using swear words, you may try discussing their meanings and consequences to stop them and encourage them to follow respectful language. Furthermore, you may seek professional help if this behavior persists in your teenager (2).

Discipline for teenagers is crucial since this phase of adolescence is filled with new experiences and emotional fluctuations. However, disciplining should be done carefully and calmly. Try to reason things out and not be overly strict. It is common for teenagers to show some attitude and rebel at times, but certain behaviors should not be excused. Hence, emphasizing on discipline is vital to ensure their safety. So, try the above-mentioned disciplining tips to help you deal with teenage problems and raise responsible individuals.

Key Pointers

Setting house rules, taking away privileges, letting them face the consequences, and grounding them if needed are techniques to discipline teenagers.
You may give responsibilities to teens and befriend them to teach discipline rather than issuing commands.
Stubbornness, testing patience, power struggle, and short temper are common challenges of disciplining teenagers.

References:

Five Ways to Help Teens Feel Good about Themselves
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_help_teens_feel_good_about_themselves
Swearing: school-age children and pre-teens
https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/behaviour/common-concerns/swearing#when-children-swear-what-to-do-nav-title
Teens.
https://www.apa.org/topics/teens
Discipline strategies for pre-teens and teenagers.
https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/behaviour/behaviour-management-ideas/discipline

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Sagari was a math graduate and studied counseling psychology in postgraduate college, which she used to understand people better. Her interest in reading about people made her take up articles on kids and their behavior. She was meticulous in her research and gave information that could be of help to parents in times of need. An animal lover, vegan, and...
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Dr. Neha Bhave Salankar is a consultant psychiatrist at Bhave Institute of Mental Health based in Nagpur. Having been a meritorious student throughout, she bagged the prestigious gold medal for medicine in MBBS as well as in MD psychiatry. She also took training in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Bengaluru. She is...
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Discipline strategies for teenagers | Raising Children Network

Discipline: pre-teens and teenagers

Discipline isn’t about punishment. It’s about guiding children towards appropriate ways to behave. For pre-teens and teenagers, discipline is about agreeing on and setting appropriate limits and helping them behave within those limits.

When your child was younger, you probably used a range of discipline strategies to teach them the basics of good behaviour. Now your child is moving into the teenage years, you can use limits and boundaries to help them learn independence, take responsibility for their behaviour and its outcomes, and solve problems.

Your child needs these skills to become a young adult with their own standards for appropriate behaviour and respect for others. An important part of this is learning to stick to some clear rules, agreed on in advance, and with agreed consequences.

Teenagers don’t yet have all the skills they need to make all their own decisions, so your agreed limits for behaviour help your child make good choices about how to behave.

Teenage discipline is most effective when you:

communicate openly with your child – this allows you to talk about how the limits and rules are working, and guide your child towards good choices
build and maintain a warm and loving family environment – this helps your child feel safe to make mistakes as they learn to manage their own behaviour.

Negotiation is a key part of communicating with pre-teens and teenagers and can help avoid problems. Negotiating with your child shows that you respect their ideas. It also helps your child learn to compromise as part of decision-making.

Agreeing on clear limits with pre-teens and teenagers

Clear limits and expectations can discourage problem behaviour from happening in the first place. Limits also help your child develop positive social behaviour, including showing concern for others.

Here are some tips for setting clear limits:

Involve your child in working out limits and rules. When your child feels that you listen to them and they can contribute, they’ll be more likely to see you as fair and stick to the agreed rules.
Be clear about the behaviour you expect. It can help to check that your child has understood your expectations. For example, you could say, ‘Please come home after the movie’. But it might be clearer to say, ‘Come straight home after the movie ends and don’t go anywhere else’.
Discuss responsibilities with your child. For example, ‘I’m responsible for providing for you. You have responsibilities too, like tidying your room’.
Agree in advance with your child on what the consequences will be if they don’t stick to the rules you’ve agreed on.
Use descriptive praise when your child follows through on agreed limits. For example, ‘Thanks for coming straight home from the movie’.
Be willing to discuss and adjust rules as your child shows responsibility or gets older – for example, by extending your child’s curfew.

To check whether your family rules are realistic and reasonable, you could talk with other parents who have children of the same age. Many schools can also help with guidance.

Using consequences as part of teenage discipline

Sometimes your child might behave in ways that test your limits or break the rules you’ve agreed on. One way to deal with this is by using consequences.

Here’s how.

Make the consequence fit
If you can make the consequence fit the misbehaviour, it gets your child to think about the issue. It can also feel fairer to your child. For example, if your child is home later than the agreed time, a fitting consequence might be having to come home early next time.

Withdraw cooperation
This strategy aims to help your child understand your perspective and learn that they need to give and take. It also helps your child understand that every action has a consequence. By doing the right thing, your child can get a positive consequence. But doing the wrong thing means they get a negative consequence.

For example, if your child wants you to wash a special item of clothing, you could say you’ll do this if they put all their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Try to avoid making this into a bribe.

Let your child know beforehand that you might withdraw your cooperation as a consequence for misbehaviour. For example, ‘If you want me to iron your shirt for tonight, you need to speak respectfully to me’. Saying that you’re prepared to follow through with a consequence is sometimes enough to influence behaviour.

Withdraw privileges
This consequence should be used sparingly. If you use it too much, it won’t work as well.

The idea is to remove something that you know your child enjoys – for example, visits to a friend’s house, access to technology, or access to activities. You need to let your child know in advance that this is what you plan to do, so that they can weigh up whether losing the privilege is worth it.

You don’t need to withdraw privileges for a long time for this consequence to be effective. Aim for a short withdrawal that occurs within the few days following the misbehaviour.

Reinforcing consequences

Whatever consequence you choose, these strategies might help to reinforce it.

Communication
It’s important to explain calmly and clearly what the problem is to your child. Tell your child how they haven’t stuck to the rules you agreed on, and let them know that you’ll be applying the agreed consequence.

Self-reflection
The idea is to encourage your child to think about their behaviour and how it could be different in the future.

You can talk with your child about the agreement you had, and what they think should happen as a consequence of breaking it. Often teenagers will be much harsher than their parents. This allows you to settle on future consequences that you both see as fair.

It’s best to balance rules and consequences with warmth and positivity. Try to praise your child or give positive attention more often than you correct or criticise.

Why teenagers test the limits

Teenagers have the job of developing into independent adults. One way they do this is by testing boundaries and seeing how other people react to their behaviour. This teaches them what the social expectations are. As they get feedback, they learn what’s expected.

On top of this the teenage brain goes through massive growth and development during adolescence. As a result teenagers try new things but don’t always make good decisions. They’re more influenced by peers. And they feel things more intensely than you do.

At the same time, teenagers are getting better at seeing the big picture and reasoning. This means they question their world more and use creative ways to solve problems.

For all these reasons, teenage behaviour might sometimes seem hard to manage. But you can work on behaviour with your child and guide them away from tricky situations.

How to punish a teenager?

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At the word “punishment”, something negative pops up in the mind: retribution, restriction, prohibitions, aggression… It may seem that the use of this concept in education is outdated, because we live in a “humanistic society”, where the cult of “personal freedom” reigns . nine0003

However, this is not entirely true. Despite the fact that many types of punishment are indeed a thing of the past or should be there (for example, physical and psychological violence, boycott, etc.), it is very difficult to do without them in the educational process due to objective reasons:

punishment defines the boundaries permitted: a teenager often lacks a sense of proportion - he cannot stop at the right moment, and sometimes he just needs outside intervention; nine0003
Punishment teaches responsibility: in the world there is not only freedom, but also responsibility - a teenager must be ready to answer for his actions;
Punishment disciplines: it forces one to think before acting and to calculate the probable consequences of an act.

Destructive punishment

All this refers to constructive punishment. However, there are also frankly destructive ones. Let's look at a few examples.

Sometimes you can come across recommendations from the category of “fight with fire” - when, for example, a teenager who smokes is forced to smoke a large number of cigarettes so that he develops an aversion to them. Such a strategy is questionable, to say the least. Firstly, its effectiveness cannot be considered fully proven, and secondly, one should think about the physical and psychological health of the emerging personality. nine0003

The second example concerns the validity of punishments. One of the portals contains an appeal from a mother who complains about the disobedience of a teenager: her son spends a lot of time with friends. The author of the message writes that she needs to learn effective methods of punishment, but at the same time adds that she has no time even to punish the child, because she works all the time.

Maybe the reason for disobedience in this case lies not in the obstinate nature of the son, but in his inner feeling of loneliness? Therefore, before punishing a teenager, you need to find out whether he is really to blame for what happened. nine0003

How to punish a teenager for the benefit of a developing personality

Punishment should be based on the rules worked out together with the child and adopted by him. This is a kind of “contract” between parents and the child.
All types of violence should be absent from the forms of punishment.
Punishment, if possible, should immediately follow the offense. Postponement is possible in case of illness of a teenager, his stay in stressful and other unfavorable emotional states. nine0003
One offense cannot be punished twice.
The punishment must be commensurate with the offense.
If the parent has warned about the punishment for misconduct, then you must adhere to the chosen line.
When punishing, show sincere emotions, but do not give the teenager a reason to think that now you have begun to love him less than you loved before the offense.

As practice shows, disobedience is most often observed in families where emotional contact between parent and child is broken. This is possible in families with underprotective care, where a teenager feels unloved and unnecessary, left to himself, and with his inappropriate behavior he attracts the attention of significant adults. nine0003

This also includes families with overprotectiveness, where the demonstrative behavior of a teenager is a desire to escape from the yoke of excessive care.

If harmony, mutual understanding, and trust reign in the relationship between parents and children, then punishments are rarely used.

And one more thing. Before punishing a teenager, ask yourself the following questions:

How would I feel if I was punished in this way?

Does the teenager understand why he is being punished?

Would punishment be good for the child?

Only then make an informed decision. Keep in mind: the frequent use of punishments devalues them.

A teenager is no longer a child, much is clear and accessible to him, therefore the most effective punishment is an understanding of what he has done, remorse.

Margarita Logvinova

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Punishment and encouragement for a teenager: how to raise a child correctly

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Contents:

Is it possible to punish teenagers
Why should teenagers be punished?
Disputes with teenagers
What to encourage and why praise is needed
How to properly encourage
Psychologist's advice
Help with raising teenagers

The issue of punishing teenagers is a hot topic for many parents. After all, a teenager is not yet an adult, but no longer a child. How to influence him, how to react to wrong behavior, bad grades? nine0003

Answers to this question are usually sought from psychologists.

But it's one thing to give recommendations, and another thing is to live in your own family, build relationships with your children, and solve the same "pressing" parental issues.

We were interested to know how things are with punishments in the families of our coaches and what teenagers think about this topic. Therefore, we asked the daughter of our coach, Elizabeth, (she is 13 years old) to answer the question of how to properly punish teenagers. Here's what happened. nine0003

Is it possible to punish teenagers

“You will stay in your room until the end of the day! No candy for the rest of the week! You won’t go for a walk today!”

Such measures as above seem necessary to parents at some points. For example, when a daughter received a deuce, or a completely new sports uniform was torn by her son. However, are they really necessary?

As a teenager, I can say no. I lived for 13 years, and I don’t think to say that the punishments had a strong influence on me, at least they were remembered or “served as a lesson”. nine0003

To be honest, I don't remember being actually punished at all...

But I've heard stories about parents who punish their children a lot. Undoubtedly, there are moments when parents are tired at work, they come home, and the teacher calls them with an angry tirade ... Here, probably, your beloved schoolboy wants everything that you think about him ... Punishment is right there. But stop for a minute!

It happens when a child comes to school, gets tired there, and even some kind of failures occur. Got a conflict with a teacher or got bad grades. I'm not happy myself. You come home, and then your parents swear at you, and threaten to deprive you of the Internet, or something else. nine0003

Let me explain with my own example. I have a teacher at my school. He teaches well, only, according to my feelings, at least for students - it is not always clear, so also with barbs every other time. And how to remember this subject normally? Do you understand the explanation at all? And then the question is, why do many people have bad grades in this subject?

Or one more thing. I come to school on Monday, I sit in physics. It happens that our teacher boils up and swears at violators of discipline for about 5 minutes. After such a lesson, you come out squeezed like a lemon. Then algebra and geometry get tired twice. Then the English discipline is terrible. When you finally get home, you are already very tired. It no longer seems important whether you folded your school uniform, beautifully wrote the exercise, whether you did the exercises. And it seems to parents. They begin to speak out, and in the end they deprive the phone. True, I don’t remember such cases in my life, but classmates say that parents do this often. nine0003

Why should teenagers be punished?

I don't think the word "need" is appropriate here. Not necessary, in my opinion. But let me tell you how it goes for us.

So, dear parents, listen to teenagers: we feel bad if you feel bad. No matter what we say in a fit of anger, we love you. And conflicts, for example, with posture, can be resolved by ordinary conversation. And disputes with strong hugs. So do not punish teenagers, especially in anger, we will be worse for you, because you were upset, as well as for ourselves. nine0211

It happens when a mother comes home tired and sees a mountain of dirty dishes. Then she may be offended, and for a day or two we have to feed ourselves, especially to wash the dishes. This is what punishment is all about. As a result, the dishes in the sink do not stagnate for a week. Then, of course, there are again “failures in the system” J. With this, the issues seem to be resolved in this way.

So, dear parents, listen to teenagers: we feel bad if you feel bad. No matter what we say in a fit of anger, we love you. And conflicts, for example, with posture, can be resolved by ordinary conversation. And disputes with strong hugs. So do not punish teenagers, especially in anger, we will be worse for you, because you were upset, as well as for ourselves. nine0211

Do not wash the dishes.
It happens when a mother comes home tired and sees a mountain of dirty dishes. Then she may be offended, and for a day or two we have to feed ourselves, especially to wash the dishes. This is what punishment is all about. As a result, the dishes in the sink do not stagnate for a week. Then, of course, there are again “failures in the system” J. With this, the issues seem to be resolved in this way.

Beautiful posture
Sometimes it happens that I am tired at school, in circles, I had a fight with my brother, and my mother comes and starts swearing at my crooked posture. Listening to this is unbearable because you are trying so hard, you are learning with all your might. And there is just no strength left to keep the back straight. And because my mother is sad, and I myself do not feel well ...

"I want it!" or "I won't do it!"
You know that even arguments are often a punishment. Even if we provoke them, we do not get pleasure from them for sure. Asking and once again being refused, hearing 10 times that you have to do something is not very joyful.

Arguments can arise if you have asked your child to do something three times, such as put away their shoes, and dirty shoes are still in the hallway. Or you explained that this is impossible, and he keeps asking you, for example, to buy paints at 10 pm. Why doesn't he clean or ask? In the first case, he is tired, or considers it not so important, in the second he really wants paint .... So how do you address these questions, and many others like them? nine0003
Correct methods of punishment or how to avoid punishment

Every family should have rules posted in a prominent place. But first it is necessary to explain why this is not possible, why the rules are exactly the way they are. Take them with the whole family, coordinate between parents and children.

For example, the rules might look like this:

Put your shoes in the closet right away
The dishes are washed by an attendant who changes every day

Sounds stop, at least minimized at 10 o'clock, even if one of the family members does not have to get up early tomorrow. nine0015
It is impossible to be rude to each other even in a quarrel.

It is necessary to help in cooking and cleaning, even if they do not ask.

Also, measures must be taken for non-compliance with such rules, and relevant for both the child and the adult.

If shoes are left in the hallway, they must be washed as a punishment.

For every rude word, go to bed ten minutes earlier.

For unwashed dishes, wash them the next day, once freeing the duty officer from this duty. nine0015
For a distinguishable melody of music after 10 o'clock, make a gift of sweets or a book of your favorite qualities in the person you accidentally interfered with.

It's better to just explain why you need to do homework or look around on the road. To do this, you need to agree and draw up rules. Then everything is clear for a teenager, and there is simply nothing to swear about. After all, you yourself know what to do if the rules are violated.

A little more about disputes with teenagers

It is necessary to reduce, and it is better to completely reset the number of disputes. Rules help here too. The exceptions are disputes that are interrupted by laughter about some invention, idea. But I believe that even disputes should end in peace. I mean, normal conversation.

It's very sad, by the way, when parents interrupt a dispute between brothers or sisters, if you don't hear screams and screams. After all, they may like such an argument, or as I call it, a discussion. It happens that my brother and I quite seriously argue about a theory based on a book or about our future invention. It is very unpleasant if such a dispute is interrupted by an angry remark: “Stop arguing, then someone will cry!” After all, you adults do not always distinguish between a peaceful dispute and a furious one. A peaceful dispute is about some issue, and a furious one turns into personalities and ends with insults. nine0003
Why should teenagers be encouraged and why should they be praised?

Parents often discuss the issue of punishment, but the issue of praise is rare. And she is very important. And if punishment is important for an adult, since the next time the child will not piss off the adult, then praise serves the child's mood, while the adult does not cost anything. But not all praise is valuable to a teenager.

Praise from scratch when you crossed the road, looking around, or with exaggerated insincere expressions, such as "you are a hero"; “Here you are, well done!” cause only disgust of the child and desire to give up. So, as it should, it does not serve to lift the mood. nine0003
So what should teenagers be praised for?

Ask your child to write honestly or say that he loves something that is difficult for him. Or maybe you yourself know this. The most valuable praise will be precisely for this.

If a child, like me, is interested in a book or a film, or maybe he is just a needleworker, and very often does interesting things in his favorite universe, then you know he will be very pleased if his drawing is hung on the wall, they will play the game, and story - often re-read, and this will be the best praise. nine0003
That is, praise for a teenager is not words, but actions!

Praise for what is important.
If a child is not friends with school or study, the best praise would be a small cake in honor of a successfully passed exam, or permission to invite a friend to visit if he used to be friends with few people, but now he gradually makes friends and you want to praise him for it.

Praise for following the rules. nine0121
I already wrote about the list of family rules, and so: for the implementation of these rules within a week, buy a long-awaited book or go to the cinema to see your favorite movie. In our family, we used to have a list of tasks for which we should do something pleasant.

Praise for striving for a dream.
Feel free to ask your child for a list of tasks for the week, month and year. There can be comic tasks - to play five people, and serious ones to sit on the twine. If a student loves any universe, let him set a goal to draw his favorite character or write a story about him. If he is fond of something specific, for example, drawing or sawing daggers out of wood, he may target five daggers or an album of drawings. If the student knows what he wants to do in the future, let his goal be to read a book on his future profession, or develop a new project. And if he fulfills the plan - take him to the forest with an overnight stay or to an interesting master class. nine0003

How to properly encourage teenagers

I wrote that praise from scratch or without sincerity is very annoying. It sometimes happens to me that I hear a completely false “you are so good!” It is directly felt that this is said in order to be polite. I really want to mumble something irritably so that the stream of flattery dries up. So if you want praise to be perceived as praise and not flattery, praise only when you really like something, or when you understand that something is worthy of praise, and not everyone can do the same. As before - the main reward, praise, encouragement, are warm words, strong hugs and your actions. nine0003
Psychologist's commentary on punishments for teenagers.

We asked Natalia Lomilina , Liza's mother, to comment on this article.

"I have two children, now they are 11 and 13 years old. At some point I realized that punishment does not work.

they will not come out if you do not punish for misconduct. And also about the fact that "I was punished and now I grew up as a man."

I think that the question here is more about how to teach a child to live in society, and the first society for him is the family.

We made rules in our family. The whole family was brought in. That's how it was.

Washing dishes.

At dinner, when everyone gathered, everyone expressed their own version of the solution to this issue and the order of duty. There were options to wash her every other day, each for himself, fixed days for each family member. I will not hide the fact that the discussion was heated and in one evening we did not come to a single decision. Left the idea "to think." The next evening after the discussion, they found something that suited everyone. Everyone confirmed that he understood the conditions, agreed to comply, and be responsible for non-compliance. nine0003

The distinction between "children's" and "adult" time.

All day until 22 pm "Children's" time. Children can fill the whole space. Here communication, classes, and games of varying degrees of activity. And from ten in the evening, children's time ends and adult time begins. Children already know this and prepare in advance. Their task is to eat, drink, put toys in bed, hygiene and so on. Until 22:00

Then silence sets in, and adults can talk to each other, spend time together or alone, work, that is, as they need, it is important, they want. nine0003
If at 22 o'clock the question arises, is it possible to have cartoons? There is a ready-made universal answer to the child: the time of childhood is over. Goodnight.

The introduction of adequate rules, help adults or children do without punishment. While maintaining warm relations and peace in the family."

Assistance in the education of adolescents in the training center K.O.T.

Parents often come to our center with questions of conflicts in the family, or a teenager does not obey.
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