What does it mean to take something personally

Idioms by The Free Dictionary

Take+personally - Idioms by The Free Dictionary

Take+personally - Idioms by The Free Dictionary

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What Causes You to Take Things Personally and How to Stop — Dr.

Audrey Reille

It’s not about you

One of the things I find most fascinating about people is that if you put ten individuals in the exact same situation at the exact same time, then you ask them to describe what happened, you get ten different stories. Nobody is lying but each person pays attention to different things and creates meaning based on their own interests and filters.

In addition to that, people have emotional habits, meaning that those who are primarily angry find a reason to feel anger anywhere they go, those who are frustrated find ways to experience even more frustration, those who live in appreciation notice things to appreciate etc. What they feel comes from habits and mental programs more than from anything you have or have not done.

Please remember that next time you hear someone expressing criticism. Don’t immediately assume they are attacking you or even blaming you at all. They are thinking the way they always think, speaking the way they always speak, and reacting in habitual ways. What they say reflects who they are more than who you are.

They aren’t even thinking of you

While you’re busy worrying about what people think of you, they are busy worrying about what other people think of them! OK, I admit, it’s not true for everyone. Some are busy worrying about looking good, hiding flaws and insecurities, others are busy focusing on finding solutions to problems, and others are busy working to support their goals and advance their own agenda.

The bottom line is: you are not the center of everyone’s world, and in most cases, they aren’t even thinking of you. So, take a deep breath and give yourself a chance to relax. You are not under fire.

What is it REALLY about, anyway?

If you tend to take things personally when they are not personal, it is because something has hit a nerve. You are projecting your own doubts and insecurities on other people. You expect people to dislike what you don’t like about yourself. You expect them to doubt your ability to do things that intimidate you. You expect them to reject what you reject in yourself.

For example, if you feel inadequate because you are the only person in the room without a doctorate degree, you will judge yourself and expect others to judge you for it. In reality, if a meeting was called, it is because something needs to be discussed and people are focused on dealing with the issue. In that moment, nobody cares about what is or is not on your resume. If you make a suggestion but people around the table decide to do something different, it’s not because you don’t have a doctorate. Another idea may have more merit, or be easier to implement, or may seem preferable for any number of reasons, but it’s probably not personal. (For things that are personal, check out this article).

Here is another example: if despite your hard work and high productivity you still feel that you should do more, when someone points out something that wasn’t done, you will think they are blaming you, even if it wasn’t your responsibility in the first place. You attach meaning to what people do and say, based on your own filters and mental programs. You will see what you are ready to see and dismiss the rest. That’s how the human brain works!

How to stop taking things personally

Since you only take things personally when they trigger an insecurity, you must start by reducing your insecurities. The most effective way to do it is to work with a coach. I invite you to speak with me about facilitating the process so that you can be free and empowered sooner than later. But in the meantime, here are some pointers:

1. Set clear and measurable standards for yourself. Meet your standards, keep yourself accountable, and you will no longer be haunted by the “not enough” voice. You will know what it takes to be enough or do enough and people’s comments will no longer trigger you.

2. Develop compassion for yourself. Once you have set high standards and met them (more often than not), accept the fact that “doing your best” varies from time to time and you can’t be perfect at all times.

Give yourself more appreciation. Give more attention to what you are doing right than what you are doing wrong.

3. Face your fears and keep growing. If you’ve been avoiding something uncomfortable, that “thing you’re hiding from” controls you. The only way to be free from fear and regret is to face what scares you. Take one small step, then another, then another. Build new skills and competencies.

4. In challenging situations, remember not to make things about you. Expand your perspective. Look at what is happening from someone else’s vantage point. Ask yourself “What else could this mean?” or “What needs to happen to fix this problem?”.

5. When appropriate, simply ask people what they mean! Making assumptions is a sure way to create misunderstandings and conflict. When in doubt, simply ask! I can show you how to do it tactfully, without emotional charge, and without triggering emotional reactions in others.

And there is so much more I’d like to share with you!

Let’s team up to change old habits, create new ways to think and feel more empowered so that you can express your full potential.

Talk to you soon.

About the author: Dr. Audrey Reille has empowered thousands of professionals through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, speaking engagements, online courses, and interviews on international telesummits. Audrey is the go-to coach for leaders in higher education administration. She empowers them to thrive by reducing stress, optimizing strategies, improving professional relationships, and developing a strong and empowered mindset.

8 phrases that you should not say at the interview - Work.ua

It's nice to get an invitation to an interview, but remember that the employer can invite many more candidates - your rivals. And it is very important not to make mistakes that will throw you at the end of the line.

Work.ua presents 8 phrases that will prevent you from getting a job if you say them at an interview.

1. What does your company do?

Oddly enough, HR managers hear this question very often. At the same time, the main advice for preparing for an interview: try to find out as much as possible about the company in advance, think about what exactly you can offer it as an employee. Don't neglect them.

2. My former boss was a real %$#*!

Complaining about your previous job will show you from a very bad side. Even if this is true, you will look like a person who is constantly dissatisfied and complains about everything. Nobody likes to work with such people.

It is better to talk about the problems that you encountered at work and successfully coped with.

3. I like your hairstyle

Don't compliment the interviewer about his appearance - it's inappropriate and will look weird.

Compliments are good, but they should be directed towards professional activities. For example, you can praise some recent success of the company.

4. Sciatica is killing me!

Never complain about your health during an interview. There was a case when a candidate complained of a headache because he had a very good rest with friends yesterday. Needless to say, he didn't get the job.

If now, during the interview, you are not so bad that you stop the meeting (it just hurts your back, but you don’t lose consciousness), it’s better not to bring up the subject of well-being.

But there is another side of the issue, more global: if, for example, you need to periodically undergo examinations and be absent for several days, you should tell your future employer about this. But explain that this will not affect the work in any way, tell me how it was at the previous place.

5. Oh, yes, I got fired

You should never lie in an interview, but if you have to say that you were fired from your last job, do it gently. Focus on the experience you have gained that will come in handy in your new position.

6. I just need a job, any job

This may actually be true, but no one is attracted to despair. The employer wants to know that you need this particular job and that you are suitable for it.

7. I don't know

Don't say this even if you really don't know the answer to the interviewer's question. Try saying, "I'll check and let you know later." If it's a complex hypothetical question like "How many soccer balls does it take to fill this room?" - the answer should show the course of your thoughts. Think out loud: “First you need to calculate the area of the room, then subtract the area of \u200b\u200bthe furniture ...”

8. My biggest flaw is that I work too hard

Any HR manager knows this phrase very well. And he knows it's a lie.

How do you answer the question about your biggest flaw? Choose something not directly related to the position you are applying for. You can say, “I feel awkward when I speak in front of an audience. But at my last job, I practiced often on purpose, and this problem is practically gone.”

What is an offer in simple words

An offer is a mega-useful thing for entrepreneurs. With its help, contracts are concluded without paper and signatures. This is convenient, especially when there are many customers, and the product or service is the same for everyone. And it's also completely legal. There are risks with the offer, but they are not terrible if you study the issue well.

Sources:
🔖 Chapter 28 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation on the conclusion of an agreement
🎓 Decree of the Plenum of the Armed Forces of the Russian Federation No. 49

What is an offer

Offer is a proposal to conclude an agreement. The offer may look different, here are examples:

A document in the footer of an online store with sections on ordering, shipping and paying for smartphones.
Instructions on the website on how to activate the accounting program.
Barbershop poster listing services and prices.
Photos of clothes on Instagram with sizes and price tags.
Email to a customer offering discounted marketing services.
Rules for visiting the gym at the counter where memberships are sold.
The inscription on the chalk pillar in front of the coffee shop "Coffee for 100 ₽ from 7 to 9".

The main thing is that the offer should state the essential terms of the contract. That is, there should be no questions about what is offered and at what price.

An offer becomes a contract at the moment of its acceptance.

Acceptance is consent to the contract. What is considered an acceptance is usually written in the offer itself. Sometimes it is already written in the law. Acceptance can be any action of the client, but most often it is considered payment.

Offer + acceptance = contract . Papers, signatures and seals are not needed. To put it bluntly, the offer and acceptance are equated to the usual paper contract. After acceptance, both parties are obliged to fulfill the agreement, and it is no longer possible to change something on the go. If it comes to a dispute, the rules from the law for a specific type of contract will apply. Here are examples of acceptance:

The buyer made an electronic payment for a smartphone → signed a contract of sale.
The user has downloaded the program → signed a license agreement.
A man signed up for a beard trim → signed a contract for services.
A woman wrote in direct: “Ready to buy this sweater” → signed a contract of sale.
The client wrote back that he was ready to cooperate → concluded a contract for services.
A young man bought an annual gym membership → entered into a contract for services.
The girl held out a hundred-ruble banknote with the words “I need coffee” → concluded a contract of sale.

The acceptance must be unconditional. If the client writes that he wants a market analysis, but at a discount, and also SEO for the site, this is not an acceptance and the contract has not taken place. You can relax: further correspondence does not oblige you to anything. However, the client may agree, but clarify the details or correct typos. Such trifles do not affect acceptance. Here it is considered that the contract was concluded.

Silence and complete inactivity is not an acceptance. On the contrary: if the client does not answer or does not transfer money, the contract has not been concluded.

You can also respond to the offer through conclusive actions . The client does not write in black and white "yes, let's go", but immediately fulfills the contract on the proposed terms. That is, he shows by his behavior that he agrees. For example, he sends material for analysis. Or standing in line for coffee.

If an entrepreneur sells a product or service through the website to any visitor, it is better to make the offer publicly available as a separate document. So everyone will understand the rules of ordering, delivery and return. No less important, clear rules will protect you in disputes with customers and during inspections by Rospotrebnadzor.

Public offer and other documents for the website

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When a paper contract cannot be replaced by an offer

There are two cases when a paper contract with signatures is required. And with him and negotiations on the terms. These cases are:

The client receives an atypical service . For example, a fitness club operates on an offer to visit the gym. Visitors come, pay according to the price tag and work with trainers according to a standard program. But if the coach goes home to the client after an injury for an increased fee, the conditions from the offer will not work. To protect against disputes, it is better to draw up an agreement with individual conditions: class time, rehabilitation program, procedure for canceling a visit.
By law, the contract must be drawn up in the form of one document . Most often, entrepreneurs face two of them: rent and sale of real estate. Also, under the offer, it is impossible to conclude a corporate agreement between the participants of the LLC.

Public and non-public offer

There are two types of offers. It depends on the goal of the entrepreneur: to conclude an agreement with everyone or with a specific person.

Public offer is an offer to conclude an agreement with anyone who responds. Display of goods, distribution by e-mail, description of services on the site - this is all a public offer. If an entrepreneur trades in retail, holds catering or provides household services, his proposals are considered a public offer.

The peculiarity of a public offer is that the client cannot be refused. An entrepreneur is obliged to sell a smartphone, pour coffee and cut any consumer's hair. For discrimination based on health and age, you can even get a fine of up to 500,000 rubles under Art. 14.8 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation.

But writing in a public offer about a discount for certain customers is legal. For example, for students, large families or owners of discount cards.

Non-public offer is an offer to a specific person. Only the addressee can respond. A message in a personal message to a client with an offer of marketing analysis for 3,000 ₽ is a non-public offer. The entrepreneur is not obliged to cooperate with the rest for this money, because he did not offer or promise.

When to write “the offer is not a public offer”

This phrase is written to distinguish between a public offer and an advertisement. But this is walking on thin ice.

A public offer offers to buy a specific product or service at a price tag. Her goal is to sell here and now to anyone who responds. It is impossible to refuse those who wish.

Advertising draws attention to the product. The seller wants as many people as possible to want to buy the product. An advertisement becomes a public offer if it contains an accurate description of the product and a price. Without specifics, advertising remains just advertising and does not bind the seller with an agreement.

The phrase "the offer is not a public offer" does not cancel the obligation to sell the product to anyone if the product is specifically described in the advertisement. Something like this was said by the judges in case No. 33-16812/2018. You can use this phrase only for reinsurance.

In order for an advertisement not to become a public offer, it should look something like this. The seller says: “Look what product I have. If you are interested, I will tell you on what conditions I sell.

Example when advertising is not an offer

A man saw on the dealership’s Instagram an offer to exchange an old car for a new one without additional payments. But when I arrived at the car dealership, the managers refused to exchange. (From the court decision, we ourselves did not really understand why 😦) Then the man sent a letter by mail addressed to the director of the salon. Like, you published a public offer, I accepted, make an exchange for me. He was refused again, and he went to court for a new car without additional payments.

The court did not recognize the advertisement as a public offer. The text of the post on Instagram does not indicate the model and number of the new car. This means that there are no specific conditions for the exchange, and this is not a public offer. The man lost.

Case No. 33-18000/2019

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