What does it mean to be socially awkward

Signs, Causes, and How to Overcome It

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Awkwardness, anxiety, and introversion

It’s important to note that the terms social awkwardness, introversion, and social anxiety disorder are often confused with each other. While they share some traits, they are not the same thing.

If you feel drained by interacting with others and need to spend time alone to recharge your energy, this may point to an introverted personality trait.

On the other hand, if you feel intense anxiety over being judged, avoid social situations through fear, or experience panic attacks related to socializing, this could signal social anxiety disorder, according to Dr. Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S of LifeStance Health.

Is social awkwardness a good thing?

While it feels uncomfortable at the time, there are upsides to being socially awkward.

For example, “people who are socially awkward may be more observant and analytical, which can be beneficial in certain professions,” explains Dr. Alejandro Alva, a medical doctor and board certified psychiatrist based in California.

“They may also be more honest and sincere, which can be refreshing in a world of small talk and superficial interactions.”

How do I know if I’m socially awkward?

Consider reflecting after the next few social interactions to gauge how you feel afterward. This may help you decide how to best move forward.

Know that whether it’s social awkwardness, introversion, or social anxiety disorder, none of these are wrong — and you are not alone.

PsychCentral spoke to Leanza and Alva about how to overcome social awkwardness so you can start to feel more at ease in social situations.

Alva suggests the following tips for overcoming social awkwardness:

Practice small talk. Consider striking up a conversation with a stranger, such as commenting on the weather.
Make an effort to make eye contact. This may help you appear more confident and approachable.
Focus on the other person. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. This will help you connect with them and help the conversation flow more easily.
Try to relax and be yourself. Remember that everyone has their quirks, and you’ll be more likely to find a connection with someone by being yourself.

Leanza says it may help to practice understanding social cues. One way to do this is to focus on body language.

“It can be very difficult for socially awkward people to read other people’s body language or behavior,” says Leanza. “Since social cues and norms can be very hard for them to decipher, this can develop a lot of anxiety within a person and may make them want to avoid social situations.”

You can increase your social confidence by learning how to better understand social cues and the body language of others. “Practicing with loved ones to learn these skills can be very helpful, especially when needing to be in an upcoming social situation,” suggests Leanza.

If you find that your social awkwardness is making a negative impact life, you can also consider speaking to a mental health professional. Psych Central’s How to Find Mental Health Support resource may help.

Different communication styles

When you’re looking to improve communication, it’s important to note that each person’s style and manner of communication are different. This article mainly focuses on neurotypical styles of communication.

Neurodivergent folks, including autistic people, may communicate in different ways. For instance, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting may help them concentrate better or feel more comfortable in conversation and doesn’t always mean disinterest.

Using different communication styles doesn’t necessarily mean that the communication is less effective, though it often requires communicating with greater thoughtfulness and intention.

You can read Healthline’s “Neurotypical’s Guide to Speaking to Someone with Autism” here.

If you’re socially awkward, you can still have a thriving social life. You might start by getting to know yourself better and understanding how you feel in social settings, then trying some of the tips from our mental health experts to see if they help.

If you’ve felt socially awkward for a long time, it helps to be patient with yourself and give yourself the grace to overcome your nerves over time.

There are plenty of podcasts and even meditations to help you with the “social” part of social awkwardness.

Signs, Causes, and How to Overcome It

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Here’s our process.

Psych Central only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

Awkwardness, anxiety, and introversion

It’s important to note that the terms social awkwardness, introversion, and social anxiety disorder are often confused with each other. While they share some traits, they are not the same thing.

If you feel drained by interacting with others and need to spend time alone to recharge your energy, this may point to an introverted personality trait.

Is social awkwardness a good thing?

While it feels uncomfortable at the time, there are upsides to being socially awkward.

“They may also be more honest and sincere, which can be refreshing in a world of small talk and superficial interactions.”

How do I know if I’m socially awkward?

Consider reflecting after the next few social interactions to gauge how you feel afterward. This may help you decide how to best move forward.

Know that whether it’s social awkwardness, introversion, or social anxiety disorder, none of these are wrong — and you are not alone.

PsychCentral spoke to Leanza and Alva about how to overcome social awkwardness so you can start to feel more at ease in social situations.

Alva suggests the following tips for overcoming social awkwardness:

Practice small talk. Consider striking up a conversation with a stranger, such as commenting on the weather.
Make an effort to make eye contact. This may help you appear more confident and approachable.
Focus on the other person. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. This will help you connect with them and help the conversation flow more easily.
Try to relax and be yourself. Remember that everyone has their quirks, and you’ll be more likely to find a connection with someone by being yourself.

Leanza says it may help to practice understanding social cues. One way to do this is to focus on body language.

Different communication styles

Using different communication styles doesn’t necessarily mean that the communication is less effective, though it often requires communicating with greater thoughtfulness and intention.

You can read Healthline’s “Neurotypical’s Guide to Speaking to Someone with Autism” here.

If you’ve felt socially awkward for a long time, it helps to be patient with yourself and give yourself the grace to overcome your nerves over time.

There are plenty of podcasts and even meditations to help you with the “social” part of social awkwardness.

Socially awkward? 16 little hacks to relax and live / My life

Shyness and awkwardness in social situations can impair your emotional well-being. But fear not, here's how to avoid social awkwardness.

Being socially awkward is not just an occasional embarrassment or misperception. For many people, this can be a real curse, destroying their ability to maintain a healthy social life or develop meaningful relationships.

Often people suffer in silence, simply believing that there is something wrong with them that cannot be fixed. However, if you suffer from one or more of the following symptoms, rest assured that the problem is just an unwanted dose of social awkwardness that can be easily fixed.

Symptoms of social awkwardness

# 1 Feeling the spotlight . When you are in social situations, do you feel like everyone is watching you, just waiting for you to make a mistake? If so, this is a classic sign of social awkwardness and anxiety when your common sense has been overwhelmed by the overwhelming nervousness around other people..

# 2 Clumsiness . Walking suddenly becomes an ordeal when you are around other people, and the normally comfortable and relaxed gait shrinks into uncoordinated limb swings. In the same way, all other motor functions respond to your nerves, so the simplest actions seem like an intense test of cognitive control. Are you one of those people who never know when to shake hands or kiss on the cheek? Maybe you're struggling to figure out when it's appropriate to laugh or shout and you almost never get it right, mostly because you think too much and fixate on what should be an organic event.

# 4 awkward conversation . When you communicate awkwardly, your conversation with other people never flows naturally. It overlaps and breaks, or you end up with huge pauses and too noticeable pauses where it would be more appropriate to bring in something to say. Maybe your mind is going blank and you just can't think of what to say.

# 5 Inappropriate conversation . This is one of the most poignant embarrassments of all misfires caused by social awkwardness, and can cause a lot of misconceptions about your character's personality. Throwing out sexist comments in front of a group of people of the opposite sex, such as conveying rudeness in polite company, or failing to get into the spirit of a drunken night out with friends, can seriously undermine any social situation.

# 6 Moon man syndrome . Do you just feel like everyone else is from another planet? As if there is nothing in common between you and the rest of humanity, what motivates you to look for your company more and more? If so, you are definitely suffering from the painful consequences of social awkwardness.

Here's how not to be socially awkward

Unfortunately, there is no single answer to overcoming your awkwardness. But you can follow a series of steps over time that will eventually curb your nervousness when in public. If you think you are suffering from this particular curse and want to do something about it, then the following steps can be a way to overcome your social obstacles and start blending in with the rest of society..

# 1 Think outside of yourself . You are not the center of the universe, and not everyone thinks or looks at you. They think about their jobs, partners, children, and a thousand other things, but usually not about you. Once you understand this, you will be much happier interacting with others.

# 2 Listen . A lot of the reason you're getting the wrong conversational and social signals is because you're so tense and afraid to make mistakes that you don't listen to people properly. Start focusing on your listening skills and let the virtuous circle begin.

No. 3 Stop . If you become clumsy, make mistakes and realize that you are doing something a little awkward, then STOP. Stop everything - thoughts, movements, speech, etc. - and take a deep breath before starting over. Even slippery slopes can be climbed.

#4 straighten . You probably don't feel like you need to sit or stand up straight, but people with social awkwardness tend to collapse. While slouching makes you look a little weird and uncomfortable, it also interferes with clear breathing and speech, which can increase the amount of social mistakes you make.

If you feel more confident and honest, it's easier to act, and then they will stimulate each other in a cycle of increased confidence.

# 5 Smile . Smiling and laughter have been proven to relax you by reducing your awkwardness, as well as calming others down to make them feel more comfortable in your presence. This last point, in turn, will add to your own comfort level.

# 6 Getting Started . A simple interview technique that works equally well in social situations is to start a conversation. By asking questions and complimenting people, you gain power and control over the conversation and put others at ease. A brilliant tactic to dispel your nerves.

# 7 Learn to laugh at yourself . Don't fret if you stumble, stumble, or say something a little stupid. In fact, there is nothing wrong with being socially awkward. Those who learn to laugh at themselves are supremely self-confident, and the very act of laughing will relieve tension.

# 8 Take notes . When you talk to people, remember what they say. This serves several purposes. First, it will make you listen to the conversation and get your social cues right..

Second, the act of committing things to memory will distract you from your own nerves, a kind of self-cognitive sleight of hand. Third, you can use these mental notes later in the conversation to encourage further conversations and overcome awkward silences.

#9 Pull up . This is strange advice, but it really helps to overcome social awkwardness. If you are sitting in a social setting and you feel your nerves starting to grow, squeeze your buttocks tightly and keep them tight. For some reason, this simple act seems to relax the rest of your body and also take your mind off the anxiety it is starting to indulge.

# 10 Don't stop . There is an obsessive compulsive element in greater social awkwardness and the mind tends to dwell on the mistakes you have made in pulling you into your head and out of real life. When this happens, you become even more awkward, which is why you need to use the "Mindful Stop" technique.

Essentially, this means mentally shouting the word "stop" as loudly as possible from the inside, and using this space of thought to refocus on real life. You may have to do this several times in a row and it may take a little practice to make it really effective, but it will work if you keep going.

Now that you're armed with a little knowledge and tools to deal with social awkwardness, it's time to start living the way you should be and leave this mentality at home.!

7 easy ways to get rid of social awkwardness

We all get into social awkward situations sometimes, but for some people communication with others becomes a constant problem.
To improve your social skills, remember to focus on the other person - or try taking an improv course.

Each of us has experienced socially awkward situations once or twice.

You walk towards the person to hug him, and he tries to shake your hand, so you end up slapping them on the back.

The girl you asked for a date asks you which ice cream do you like more - vanilla or chocolate, and for some reason you decide to tell her about the time when you vomited after vanilla ice cream.

There's a good chance you're not as socially incompetent as you think you are. But even just thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.

To boost your self-confidence, we studied a Quora thread titled “What do you think are the best ways to improve your social skills?” and noted some practical advice from there.

We can't promise that you'll never run into embarrassing situations like this again, but hopefully these tips will help you enjoy social interactions instead of being terrified of them.

Note that if social anxiety is interfering with your ability to function on a daily basis, you should see a therapist who can provide you with more helpful tools to calm down.

Be present

We are so used to mental and physical multitasking that we may not even realize how it can repel our interlocutors.

"When you're around someone but distracted by other thoughts or emotions, people notice," writes Eva Glasrud. “Perhaps your eyes give you away or your reactions may be a little slow. Or maybe you did it as obviously as possible, using a mobile phone when you “listened” to the interlocutor.

Glasrud continues his thought: “So you make people feel negative. It's like they don't matter to you. Or you're just being insincere."

The ability to focus on where you are right now is called awareness, which you can develop gradually through practice, such as focusing on your breath and your feelings in the present moment.

Focus on the other person

“The best thing I've learned about improving social skills is to think about the other person instead of thinking about yourself,” says Jennifer McGinnis. "Instead of thinking about how I'm doing or how I look, I think about the other person and how they feel right now."

Chances are good that your interlocutor is experiencing the same discomfort as you - and acknowledging this fact will help you relax.

Act like it's "that's how it is"

In other words, pretend until it works.

Deborah Crawford writes about this:

“Behave as if you already have great social skills. What does it look like? Act like you are the host of any meeting you attend and make other people feel accepted. Smile, make short eye contact and say hello.”

Crawford is definitely right about something. A growing body of research suggests that you can change your emotions simply by changing your behavior. For example, smiling can make you feel happier, and applying a "strong posture" can make you more confident.

Practice and reflect

Social awkwardness is like a vicious circle. The worse you feel, the less likely you are to talk to people, which only adds to your discomfort.

This is why Quora user Jeremy Mifsad recommends in his now-deleted comment to deliberately enter as many social situations as possible as an experiment:

“The easiest way to improve your social skills is to consciously enter into social situations. After that, think about what you liked, as well as what you would like to repeat in each situation.

Attend improvisation courses

Hari Alipuriya invites everyone else who is uncomfortable in social situations to follow his example and go to improvisational theater:

“Most social awkwardness is the result of overthinking. These thoughts are the result of fear. Improvisation makes you live the moment. Instead of thinking about myself, I actively listen and add to what other people tell me.”

This brings us back to McGinnis' idea that you should redirect your focus away from yourself, from what can go wrong and what mistakes you've made in the past, and focus instead on the conversation itself.

Team up with a person whose social skills are better

“I have found that a great way to increase my social openness is to make friends who are much more outgoing than I am,” writes Ankit Seti.

“I go to social events with them, they help me introduce myself to new people and thus give me a “starter social credit” with these people, because thanks to the association with these sociable friends I don’t have to start everything from scratch - I already I have their location, at least some.

"Another advantage of this approach is that they are much more comfortable with short conversations, which gives you the opportunity to intervene if you have something to say, or remain silent if you have nothing to say."

At some point, you will begin to calmly relate to communicating with people on your own, without the support of your sociable comrades.

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