Signs your boyfriend is bipolar
Is My Spouse Bipolar? - Free by the Sea
October 22nd, 2020 | By Free by the Sea
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Is My Spouse Bipolar?
In any relationship, there are both high times and road bumps. However, when someone you love is bipolar, emotions can run high and low in a sporadic manner. It can be a stressful and confusing situation when your significant other suffers from bipolar disorder. If you’re currently asking yourself, “is my spouse bipolar” due to some of the challenges he or she is facing, it’s important to know more about the disorder and how you can help.
Bipolar disorder affects millions of people every single year, many of whom are wives and husbands to others. Understanding bipolar disorder and helping your spouse is a great way to build a strong relationship and improve the situation. While it may be complicated to predict, there are things you can do to help your spouse and yourself.
Let’s take a look at bipolar disorder and the telling signs associated with it. It’s important that you and your spouse are not alone in this journey, Free by the Sea has your back. Let us be your helping hand towards a happier and healthier relationship later on.
A Closer Look at Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that occurs when a person has extreme mood changes. Typically, people with bipolar disorder will switch back and forth emotionally. They may switch from being cheery and happy to aggressive or depressed. This switch back and forth can be stressful to manage and cope with.
Bipolar disorder runs through families and continues to plague millions of people every year. The cause of the bipolar disorder is unknown as of right now but it can be managed with the right level of treatment. Let’s take a closer look at the two types of bipolar disorder and their effects.
Mania and Hypomania
Another thing that should be addressed is mania and hypomania. These episodes are major indicators of potential bipolar disorder in your spouse or loved one. Both hypomania and mania have the same symptoms (but mania is more intense), both involve the following behaviors:
- Decreased need for sleep
- Extremely talkative
- Easily distracted
- Poor-decision making
- Strangely jumpy, energetic, and wired
Manic Depressive Episodes
Another element of bipolar disorder is manic depressive episodes. A manic depressive episode can cause many issues in a person’s life. You may be able to notice clear difficulty in your spouse’s day-to-day responsibilities, work, or school. Symptoms of a manic depressive episode include:
- Fatigue
- Thoughts of suicide
- Inability to concentrate
- Insomnia or sleeping too much
- Restlessness and slowed behavior
- Loss of interest and pleasure in almost all activities
- Extreme weight loss (when they’re not dieting) or weight gain
- Feeling of hopelessness, emptiness, sadness, and overall depressed
Bipolar I vs.
![](/800/600/http/wikihow.com/images/thumb/1/1e/Support-a-Bipolar-Boyfriend-or-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg/aid10342735-v4-728px-Support-a-Bipolar-Boyfriend-or-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg)
There are two primary types of bipolar disorder, bipolar I and bipolar II. It’s important to know the difference so you can have an idea of what your spouse may be going through. Look out for these signs in your spouse so you can get the right treatment and stay informed.
Bipolar I
Bipolar I is considered to be a more severe version of bipolar disorder. It typically includes manic and unpredictable episodes that include:
- Impulsive behavior (usually with severe consequences)
- Hallucinations, paranoia, or delusions
- Hospitalization for safety
These manic episodes usually have the person seeking pleasurable activities without any care or regard for the consequences. They may indulge in anything from gambling to using drugs. It is important to be aware of these signs, especially if it’s a case of undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
Bipolar II
Bipolar II is not as severe as bipolar I and typically involves a person experiencing hypomanic episodes. These episodes include abnormal or out-of-character behavior which includes:
- Rapid speech behavior
- Lack of sleep (decreased need to sleep)
- Extreme energy and drive
When someone you love is bipolar and experiences hypomanic episodes, they may intensely pursue sex with you or other people. Since these episodes involve an energetic spouse, they may stay up all night to discuss things or ideas.
Is My Spouse Bipolar?
In some cases, bipolar disorder can be the cause of tension and troubles in a relationship among other problems. However, you and your spouse may not be aware that bipolar disorder is the root of the issue. Undiagnosed bipolar disorder can cause a series of issues with you or your partner without even knowing it.
It’s important to be aware of the signs of possible bipolar disorder in you or your spouse. Look out for shifts between extreme periods of sadness and periods of excessive excitement and energy. Let’s take a look at some of the other symptoms associated with bipolar disorder:
- Delusions
- Difficulty concentrating
- Rapid speech and thoughts
- Impulsive and dangerous behavior
- Risky and irresponsible driving choices
- Heightened self-confidence and optimism
- Extreme money spending and shopping sprees
- An over-the-top view of their abilities and qualities
Bipolar disorder in men and in women may differ. Depending on the situation, it may be necessary to get help. If you notice any of these symptoms in your spouse, Free by the Sea may be able to help you. Over time, more intense cases of bipolar disorder can become dangerous and risky, so it’s important to act fast.
Is My Husband Bipolar: Bipolar Disorder in Men
Bipolar disorder can affect men and women differently. For men, in particular, manic episodes tend to be more violent and aggressive. Reckless behavior and acting out are not uncommon in men with bipolar disorder. These impulsive and risky behaviors are heightened during these manic episodes.
Additionally, men are also more likely to turn to substance and drug abuse during manic cycles. They tend to self-medicate more than women do. It is also no surprise that alcohol and substances only make these symptoms worse in men. This can also lead to co-occurring disorders – where a person is struggling with both drug addiction and mental illness.
Is My Wife Bipolar: Bipolar Disorder in Women
Women are also affected by these manic episodes in a unique way. There are certain factors in women that may affect the shifts between depressive states and energetic episodes. Changing hormones during their menstrual cycle, menopause, and pregnancy can all dictate how severe a person’s bipolar disorder may be.
With both men and women, it’s important to be aware of these signs. While certain factors may increase the severity of the bipolar disorder, it is still a condition that needs treatment. Symptoms can continue to worsen and certain behaviors may lead to injury and death in the long run.
Making a Bipolar Relationship Work
If you are concerned that your husband or wife is dealing with bipolar disorder, there are a couple of things you can do to help. While relationships like this can be sporadic and stressful, it is not impossible to get help for a better future.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is that you are not alone. It is completely possible and achievable to make a bipolar relationship work. Getting the proper treatment and being a supportive force in your spouse’s life can make a world of difference.
Treating Bipolar Disorder
The first order of business is to get your spouse the proper treatment. Bipolar disorder is best treated by professionals in a trusted facility like Free by the Sea. You and your spouse don’t have to go through this process alone. While bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness, there are still options to manage its symptoms and episodes. Let’s take a look at some of the common ways to treat bipolar disorder.
Medication Options
Certain medications can help tame some of the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Usually, these medications include mood-stabilizers and antipsychotics. Different medications can also target certain aspects of bipolar disorder like depression and sleep patterns. Consult with your doctor to see if medication is the right choice for you or your spouse.
Therapy Options
Psychotherapy is one of the most common forms of treatment for cases of mental illness and drug addiction. What some of these therapy options aim to do is completely change how you think and how you view yourself. These individualized therapy sessions can be eye-opening and very effective in treating cases of bipolar disorder.
Options like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can offer guidance towards change. CBT helps a person change their thought processes and behaviors. Family-centered therapy is also another great option for you and your spouse who’s dealing with bipolar disorder. Free by the Sea offers a variety of therapy options just for you and your spouse.
Other Options To Try at Home
Treatment can come in other forms as well. Practicing regular exercising and anaerobic exercises can help depression and anxiety. Additionally, exercise can promote a better sleep schedule. Couples counseling is also an option as well, continuing to improve and nurture your relationship can be very beneficial.
Keeping a life chart of your mood changes and swings can be very useful for you and your spouse. Over time, this information can become useful in seeing patterns during and after treatment. This info can also be shared with your therapist for improved treatment.
Get Help Today
When someone you love is bipolar, it can be a tough and stressful experience for both you and them. Fortunately, you aren’t alone in your struggle. Let Free by the Sea help you towards a better life. We offer a variety of treatment options for drug addiction and mental health disorders like bipolar disorder. Contact us today to learn more about our resources and treatment options.
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Bipolar Relationships: What to Expect
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Ups and downs are natural in any romantic relationship, but when your partner has bipolar disorder it can feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Not knowing what to expect each day is stressful and tiring. Over time, it wears on the relationship.
Understanding why your partner acts out sometimes or becomes withdrawn is the first supportive step you can take in strengthening your relationship. Learn exactly what a bipolar diagnosis means, how it could affect your partner’s behavior and what you can do to foster a healthy, stable relationship.
What does it mean if your partner is bipolar?
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition marked by intense mood changes. People with the illness switch back and forth from mania or hypomania (an emotional state of being energetic and gleeful or sometimes aggressive or delusional) to having episodes of depression.
The lifelong condition tends to run in families, although the cause of bipolar disease is unknown. However, it can often be successfully managed through treatment. There are two primary types of bipolar disorder:
Bipolar 1
Bipolar 1 is a more severe form of the illness and is defined by manic episodes that have one of these characteristics:
- Hallucinations, delusions or paranoia
- Hospitalization required for safety
- Impulsive behavior with significant consequences
“When people are manic, they pursue pleasurable activities with great enthusiasm and with no regard for the consequences,” says Jennifer Payne, M.D., psychiatrist and director of the Women’s Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins Medicine. “They may gamble, spend excessive amounts of money, use drugs or become promiscuous.”
Bipolar 2
People with bipolar 2 experience hypomanic episodes, which still include out-of-character behavior but aren’t as extreme as those with bipolar 1. Hypomanic episodes may include:
- Increased energy and drive.
- Rapid speech.
- Decreased need for sleep.
“During hypomanic episodes, a partner with bipolar 2 may obsessively pursue sex with you or others,” says Payne. “They may stay up all night and have lots of wonderful ideas they want to tell you about at 3 a.m.”
Treatment Challenges
Bipolar disorder is usually treated with a combination of medications and therapy. However, successful treatment can be a challenge since many people miss the euphoria and energy of manic episodes.
Often people with bipolar disorder view these elevated mood states as their best selves — when they’re the most productive or creative — and will stop treatment in order to experience that again. Sometimes those with bipolar disorder will even intentionally trigger a manic episode.
“Lack of sleep is a trigger of manic episodes for a lot of people,” says Payne. “Sometimes patients with bipolar disorder will deliberately skip getting the sleep they need in order to initiate an elevated mood state. For example, a person might want the high energy that comes with a manic episode to get a project done.”
The key to your partner’s successful management of the illness is a commitment to continuing treatment and ongoing communication with their psychiatrist. This can take place at therapy sessions, during regular checkups or whenever necessary to discuss troubling symptoms.
Many people with bipolar 1 do well on lithium, a mood-stabilizing drug. Those with bipolar 2 may not fully respond to medications often used to treat bipolar disorder. If that’s the case for your partner, it’s important for them to continue to work with their psychiatrist to find an effective treatment.
Being in a Relationship with Someone Who Is Bipolar
There are certainly challenges in any romantic relationship, but bipolar disorder can make things especially difficult in various aspects of life:
Intimacy
It’s common for people with bipolar disorder to desire frequent sex during manic or hypomanic phases. Your partner may initiate intimacy much more than normal, or masturbate or use pornography more frequently than usual. Those with bipolar disorder may also engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex or extramarital affairs while manic.
During episodes of depression, your partner may avoid sexual contact altogether. This can be confusing or feel like rejection, especially if your partner recently desired lots of sexual activity during a manic or hypomanic period. Many medications for bipolar disorder can also lower sex drive.
Work
Your partner’s ability to perform well at work can be affected by bipolar disorder. Severe mood swings, along with manic symptoms such as poor judgement and impulsivity, or depressive symptoms such as low energy and disinterest make it tough to find and maintain a job. Stressors at work may also trigger or exacerbate your partner’s symptoms. If your partner can’t hold down a job, this could put more pressure on you to provide financial support until their illness is well-managed.
Parenting
Many people consider parenting the most stressful (albeit rewarding) job of their lives. But any kind of stressor — good or bad — has potential to trigger manic or depressive episodes for people with bipolar disorder.
In addition, the erratic behavior associated with bipolar disorder can be confusing and scary to children, who look to parents to provide stability. Helping your partner get and maintain treatment to control symptoms is crucial for providing a safe and secure home for children.
How to Make a Bipolar Relationship Work
It takes effort to keep any relationship strong, but it can be especially challenging when your partner has bipolar disorder. Payne offers these recommendations:
Go to Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is essential for working through upset over a bipolar partner’s actions. It’s common for someone with bipolar disorder to hurt and offend their partner. When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed. Couples counseling can help you:
- Understand that there’s an illness involved in the hurtful behavior.
- Forgive the behavior that happened during an altered mood state.
- Set boundaries with a partner about maintaining treatment.
Get Involved with Treatment
Ask if you can be involved with your partner’s treatment, which may include occasionally going to the psychiatrist together. Being a part of your partner’s treatment has multiple benefits, including:
- Gaining a better understanding of the illness.
- Providing additional insight for the psychiatrist.
- Learning to spot signs of impending episodes.
- Alerting the psychiatrist about mood changes.
Even if your partner hasn’t signed off on you exchanging information with their psychiatrist, you can still report worrisome signs (the doctor just won’t be able to tell you anything). This gives the doctor a chance to make quick medication changes that may help your partner avoid being hospitalized.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care gets a lot of buzz these days, but nowhere is it more important than when you’re caring for someone with a serious illness such as bipolar disorder. It’s essential to dedicate time to your own physical and mental health, whether that’s going to a support group, talking to a therapist or attending a yoga class.
Being in a healthy relationship with someone with bipolar disorder requires not only careful management of their illness, but also setting aside time to take good care of yourself.
14 Early Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder You Shouldn't Ignore
October 19, 2020 Likbez Health
Psychosis is closer than it seems. Check it out.
This disorder was brought to the fore several years ago when Catherine Zeta-Jones was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Catherine Zeta-Jones
actress
Millions of people suffer from this, and I'm just one of them. I say this out loud so that people know that there is no shame in seeking professional help in such a situation.
Largely due to the courage of the black-haired Hollywood diva, other celebrities began to admit that they were experiencing this psychosis: Mariah Carey, Mel Gibson, Ted Turner ... Doctors suggest bipolar disorder and already deceased famous people: Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Ernest Hemingway, Vivien Leigh, Marilyn Monroe…
The enumeration of familiar names is only necessary to show that psychosis is very close to you. And maybe even you.
What is bipolar disorder
At first glance, it's okay. Just mood swings. For example, in the morning you want to sing and dance for the joy that you live. In the middle of the day, you suddenly snap at colleagues who distract you from something important. By evening, a severe depression rolls over you, when you can’t even raise your hand . .. Familiar?
The line between mood swings and manic-depressive psychosis (this is the second name of this disease) is thin. But she is.
The attitude of those who suffer from bipolar disorder constantly jumps between the two poles. From an extreme maximum (“What a thrill it is to just live and do something!”) to an equally extreme minimum (“Everything is bad, we will all die. So, maybe there is nothing to wait, it's time to lay hands on yourself ?!”). The highs are called periods of mania. The lows are periods of depression.
A person realizes how stormy he is and how often these storms have no reason, but he cannot do anything with himself.
Manic-depressive psychosis exhausts, worsens relationships with others, sharply reduces the quality of life and, as a result, can lead to suicide.
Where does bipolar disorder come from
Mood swings are familiar to many and are not considered something out of the ordinary. Therefore, bipolar disorder is quite difficult to diagnose. However, scientists are getting better at it. In 2005, for example, about 5 million Americans were estimated to suffer from some form of manic-depressive psychosis.
Bipolar disorder is more common in women than in men. Why is not known.
However, despite the large statistical sample, the exact causes of bipolar disorders have not yet been clarified. We only know that:
- Manic-depressive psychosis can occur at any age. Although it appears most often in late adolescence and early adulthood.
- It can be caused by genetics. If one of your ancestors had this disease, there is a risk that it will knock on your door too.
- The disorder is associated with an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. Mainly serotonin.
- The trigger is sometimes severe stress or trauma.
How to Recognize the Early Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder
In order to capture unhealthy mood swings, you first need to find out if you are experiencing emotional extremes - mania and depression.
7 Key Signs of Mania
- You experience high spirits and a feeling of happiness for long (several hours or more) periods.
- You have a reduced need for sleep.
- You speak fast. And so much so that those around you do not always understand, and you do not have time to formulate your thoughts. As a result, it is easier for you to communicate in instant messengers or through emails than to talk to people live.
- You are an impulsive person: first you act, then you think.
- You are easily distracted and jump from one thing to another. As a result, productivity often suffers.
- You are confident in your abilities. It seems to you that you are faster and smarter than most of those around you.
- You often exhibit risky behavior. For example, agreeing to have sex with a stranger, buying something that you can't afford, participating in spontaneous street races at traffic lights.
7 key signs of depression
- You often experience protracted (several hours or more) periods of unmotivated sadness and hopelessness.
- You withdraw into yourself. It's hard for you to come out of your own shell. Therefore, you limit contacts even with family and friends.
- You have lost interest in those things that used to really cling to you, and have not gained anything new in return.
- Your appetite has changed: it has dropped sharply or, on the contrary, you no longer control how much and what exactly you eat.
- You regularly feel tired and lack energy. And such periods go on for quite a long time.
- You have problems with memory, concentration and decision making.
- Do you sometimes think about suicide. Catch yourself thinking that life has lost its taste for you.
Manic-depressive psychosis is when you recognize yourself in almost all the situations described above. At some point in your life, you clearly show signs of mania, and at other times, symptoms of depression.
However, sometimes it also happens that the symptoms of mania and depression manifest themselves at the same time and you cannot understand which phase you are in. This condition is called mixed mood and is also one of the signs of bipolar disorder.
What is bipolar disorder like
Depending on which episodes occur more often (manic or depressive) and how severe they are, bipolar disorder is divided into several types.
- Disorder of the first type. It is heavy, alternating periods of mania and depression are strong and deep.
- Disorder of the second type. Mania does not manifest itself too brightly, but it covers with depression just as globally as in the case of the first type. By the way, Catherine Zeta-Jones was diagnosed with it. In the case of the actress, the trigger for the development of the disease was throat cancer, which her husband, Michael Douglas, fought for a long time.
Regardless of what type of manic-depressive psychosis one is talking about, the disease in any case requires treatment. And preferably faster.
What to do if you suspect you have bipolar disorder
Don't ignore your feelings. If you are familiar with 10 or more of the above signs, this is already a reason to consult a doctor. Especially if from time to time you catch yourself in suicidal moods.
First, go to a therapist. The doctor will suggest that you do several tests, including a urine test, as well as a blood test for the level of thyroid hormones. Often, hormonal problems (in particular, developing diabetes, hypo- and hyperthyroidism) are similar to bipolar disorder. It is important to exclude them. Or treat if found.
The next step will be a visit to a psychologist or psychiatrist. You will have to answer questions about your lifestyle, mood swings, relationships with others, childhood memories, trauma, and family history of illness and drug incidents.
Based on the information received, the specialist will prescribe treatment. It can be both behavioral therapy and medication.
Let's finish with the phrase of the same Catherine Zeta-Jones: “There is no need to endure. Bipolar disorder can be controlled. And it's not as difficult as it seems."
Read also 😂😳😔
- 8 mental health myths to get out of your head
- 11 unexpected signs that you are a psychopath
- How to recognize alcoholism, depression and other mental disorders
- Thought echoes and 7 more signs that you have a schizophrenic in front of you
- From depression to rigidity: what is hidden behind popular psychological terms
People with bipolar disorder tell how to support them properly
March 30th is celebrated as Bipolar Day around the world. With this disease, it is important to monitor mood changes, which can be difficult to do alone. The founder of the Bipolar Association, Masha Pushkina, has collected stories of people who are helped by treatment partners.
At the initiative of public organizations bringing together scientists, doctors and activists, every year on March 30, World Bipolar Day is celebrated. The date chosen was the birthday of Vincent van Gogh, an artist who, according to researchers, was the embodiment of a "bipolar genius. "
With bipolar disorder, a person lives either in a state of high emotional uplift and excitement (mania), or in depression. According to world statistics, about 2% of people suffer from bipolar disorder in various forms. This means that in Russia there are at least three million bipolar people - this is about half of St. Petersburg.
In most cases, this condition responds well to medication. But, unfortunately, many do not seek help or do not know how to find it. Without treatment, the disease progresses and ultimately leads to sad consequences: loss of family, job, disability in general, and in almost every seventh case, suicide.
These consequences can be avoided. The peculiarity of bipolar disorder is that the onset of remission depends not only on the doctor and medications, but also on the behavior of the patient himself. Very often, bipolar people provoke seizures "with their own hands." The mood of people with BAD (bipolar affective disorder. - Note ed. ) is very unstable, the balance is fragile, and you can “start” mania or depression in dozens of ways: the psyche is easily shaken by psychoactive substances, alcohol, lack of sleep, too intense work, travel and even love. So, a short time after the next course of treatment with powerful drugs, the person again ends up in the hospital. And each new attack reduces the chances of a long remission, affects social status, and even more painfully - self-esteem.
The experience of people with mental disorders around the world has proven that you are much more likely to cope with difficulties when you are supported by people who understand your problems and condition, but do not look at you as a patient. As practice shows, such a person can be not only a partner or close relative. An old friend, and even a person with whom you have never met in person, can help you get through the darkest times. Masha Pushkina, especially for Afisha Daily, spoke with several bipolar people about those in whom they found their support. The result is a story not about illness, but about friendship and trust, which can defeat even madness.
Yana, 31 years old
Housewife, collects books and is fond of confectionery
Purposefully, I didn't find out about the ways of support anywhere, everything turned out quite naturally. I have been sick for 15 years. The first person who looked after me was my best friend, and now it's my husband.
When my hypomania (a mild degree of mania, which is characterized by a constantly high mood. - Approx. ed. ) accelerated into a full-fledged mania (this state is also characterized by a one-sided attraction to some topic, sometimes accompanied by delirium. - Note ed. ), it became clear that I needed to be looked after. A friend began to pay attention to repetitive patterns of behavior in one phase or another, and we decided together to find out what helps in such cases. I think my friend was afraid to take responsibility for my condition, but she turned out to be generous and selfless. When I got married, a friend passed this knowledge on to her husband, and he already supplemented it, based on his own experience. The husband initially knew with whom he connects his life. He says it didn't scare him.
I have obsessions during my manic episodes. My husband does not argue with me at this time, but he also does not feed them, trying to redirect my stormy energy in a different direction. You can’t argue, because the result will be the opposite: I will finally get stuck on the idea, I will consider that I must prove it at all costs, even if the whole world is against me, and there are enemies and conspiracies around. If this does not help, the husband agrees to discuss all these things, but at the same time tries to slow down their implementation by offering to draw up a specific and detailed plan. Sometimes it takes me a long time.
For example, I always want to move somewhere. Right now, and why aren't we packing our things yet? My husband tries to make me write down what are the pros and cons of different cities, what attracts us to them. As a result, I sit for hours on different forums, make lists, think about how we will arrange our life, calculate the budget for different countries of the world. There is also a manic passion for travel, but after preparation, we usually implement these plans. And many years ago, in a fit of mania, I bought an apartment - with a mortgage, with hellish payments. Then it took a long time to resolve this situation, but, fortunately, everything worked out well.
My husband began to chart my mood. I also manage it, and we check the results so that they are objective. Quarrels due to the fact that the husband takes on the role of the elder often arise in the manic phase (never in depression). Then I become very suspicious, any attempts at control cause rage. But now the husband has learned from experience, so he does not react to attempts to unleash a conflict. With obvious attacks of rage and auto-aggression, he uses holding therapy (long strong hugs. - Note ed. ). We have seen this in autistic children, this is how their parents influence them.
When I'm depressed, he doesn't comfort me because it's pointless, but he tries to give reasonable arguments that this period has always ended and this time will also pass soon. We look at mood charts for the past months, discuss the duration of the attacks: two weeks have already passed and, judging by past experience, it should get better in a couple of weeks.
Such support from the husband helps in many ways. When I was being treated by two doctors, taking all the medicines, I didn’t have such support, everything was very bad. Over time, I stopped disappearing from home in a manic state and inflicting serious injuries on myself. All my super-ideas remain on paper in the form of graphs and tables, I don’t even have time to start putting them into practice, so that later I don’t have to deal with the consequences with the whole family.
Alice, 27 years old
Biologist
To be honest, I don't always find understanding from my healthy environment, I often faced condemnation, devaluation of problems. But from a person who has a similar experience, you won’t hear “don’t invent”, “you can’t feel so bad”, “take a walk and it will pass”.
It just so happens that my best friend also suffers from bipolar disorder. I did not look for support in specialized communities where patients communicate, we met by chance. My friend is much older, he has much more life experience, and he was able to become a real mentor for me. Not once did his actions worsen my condition - I hope that he can say the same about me.
When I'm on the rise, I feel uncomfortable when he tries to slow me down and reduce my passions. But as soon as this state passes and I again take a sober look at the situation, each time I thank him for trying to stop the revelry and disgrace. My friend himself is currently not being treated, but he never imposed his position on me, and when I turn to doctors, he supports me in this.
I told the doctor about this source of support - he is all for it. Before meeting a friend, I had suicidal attempts, but during the entire time of our communication I never tried to say goodbye to life. When you know that there is a person who will understand everything and share warmth (while even my own family repels me), that there is a place where you can come in any condition and where they will accept me without unnecessary questions and teachings, this is a source of great strength. and hope.
When I was expecting my second child, I was depressed. My husband did not yet fully understand the features of the disease and did not want to admit obvious things - this added problems, and my emotional state became extremely difficult. It seems that only thanks to the participation of my friend, I did not do anything to myself and successfully endured the pregnancy. The child was named after him.
Sergey, 49 years old
Freelancer
At the height of the depression, I was looking for any available support and ended up in an online group of anonymous debtors (people who have taken on large loans). One of the participants drew attention to my condition and said that I urgently need medical help. Despite the fact that she lives in the USA, we began to communicate regularly via Skype. Olga literally brought me to the hospital and helped me prepare for the treatment.
Americans are a pragmatic people, many young and healthy people have folders with wills and instructions in case of their death. They also approach mental difficulties calmly and thoroughly. It is common practice for the patient to draw up detailed instructions in advance. In the United States, there is a practice of issuing Treatment Agreements for people with mental illness (Treatment Contract). This document is needed so that family, friends and doctors recognize the symptoms of deterioration in time and take into account your experience and wishes in the treatment. Typically, such a document contains: a list of trusted people; signs of a normal state; signs of an approaching episode; symptoms of mania and depression; actions that trusted people should take to help a person get better and keep him from destructive acts; plan of action in case of an emergency (for example, a suicide attempt). who and what will be done in case of his hospitalization, so that he can be treated without anxiety for household chores.
In a period of severe depression, there is a struggle inside a person between the craving for death and the desire to live - and many external things can outweigh in one direction or another. Every clue is important to help you get out. It is very difficult for one to cope with all this.
I madly didn’t want to go to the hospital and wouldn’t have made up my mind myself, until the last I hoped that somehow everything would go away on its own. But under the supervision of a friend, I drew up a preparation plan: warn the customer at work, arrange to look after my cats. Reported to her about every step. But then he could no longer simply “escape” [from hospitalization], because he felt obliged to both her and the doctor. During depression, one's own life has no value, but the people dear to me, the promises made to them, do.
At the most difficult moment, Olga became my “outer brain”, which told me what to do when I didn’t understand anything myself. After I was discharged from the hospital, I turned to four friends for support. Usually we call each other once a week, I tell what my condition is. It is important not only to chat online, but also to hear the voice, you can understand a lot from it. Friends immediately pay attention, if I suddenly disappear and stop calling, then something is wrong.
I think it is possible to find such a person if you set yourself such a goal. Take a closer look at people in support groups, religious or other communities - those who understand what compassion and mutual assistance are. This must be an internally mature person, ready to take responsibility for you in a difficult situation. If this person has similar problems, then he will better understand your experiences. For this reason, relatives are far from always suitable: they themselves can panic, seeing how bad you feel, choke you with their anxiety, overprotection.
It is necessary to establish the frequency of communication and observe it. And of course, in no case should you parasitize on someone else's kindness. The support system works when you yourself take responsibility for your life, and do not outweigh it completely on another.
Anna and Valeria, 21 years old
Students
Anna: After a major depressive episode four years ago that almost ended in a suicide attempt, I started looking for information on [support]. I managed to find a guide in English for relatives and friends on how to behave with such a person. I have sent this list to all my friends so that they have an idea of what is happening to me. For the past few years, Lera has been monitoring my emotional state on a daily basis, and if, in her opinion, it goes beyond the norm, she tells me about it. Lera just asks every day how I'm doing, and if she sees that I'm reacting strangely, she wonders if something happened. At first, it was very difficult, because, in principle, I did not like to regularly share personal experiences. But by regularly receiving feedback, I can imagine the dynamics: do the pills help, how long do the side effects last, does the depressive phase go into a moderate and severe degree, do I lose my critical thinking during hypomania.
Valeria: We gradually established a very trusting relationship. Anya studied the topic of bipolar disorder up and down, and I read the articles that she sent me. The diagnosis did not change anything for me, because it remained the same. After that, we already discussed some formalities (for example, who to call in case of an emergency).
Anna: I asked Lera to watch for hypomanic manifestations in which I lose an adequate assessment of my actions: impulsive night walks, alcohol begin.
Valeria: My friend is a very responsible and conscious girl who takes care of herself, her health and her wallet. Before buying something expensive, she asks for my advice - and then we are already sorting out the situation. We can entrust accounts to each other and not worry. I also know where and to whom to run in cases of exacerbation.
Anna: I react badly to prohibitions and reminders of illness. Yes, I periodically have to turn to relatives for help, change treatment or take long breaks, but I expect mutual respect so that they don’t look at me through the prism of the disease.
When the mood is unstable, harsh phrases like “the disease speaks in you”, “these are not your real emotions” cause persistent rejection, even when they are true. The line between accepting a loved one's illness and identifying him with a diagnosis for healthy people is extremely thin. Therefore, those who were able to grope it deserve great respect.
Anna: In the last year, I go to see the doctor with my parents. When the doctor notices that I may not be able to do it alone, she duplicates the instructions and advice for them. I, in turn, am a friend. The doctor has repeatedly emphasized that the change of episodes is more noticeable from the outside.
Valeria: We don't have any kind of hierarchy in relationships, so there is no pressure when one makes decisions for another. This is not eating each other's emotional resources, but complementing and supporting.
Anna: The main danger in a relationship with a person with a serious illness is to fall into codependency. This format is equally bad for both the "controller" and the "subordinate". Unfortunately, I have been in such relationships before. It is worth maintaining mutual respect and treating each other as equals. Illness should not dominate a relationship. In difficult episodes, it temporarily comes to the fore, but you should always remember that you are not a disease.
Anna: I have memory problems: I don't remember some episodes. In such cases, I can ask Lera for help. If you remember the last weeks, then these are regular reminders to call the doctor. In mixed episodes, this becomes an acute problem, because I can suddenly change my mind or forget. Against the backdrop of a severe episode, I may develop psychosis, and this is the most dangerous thing in the disease. Thanks to our format, I manage to avoid such exacerbations almost always.
The advantages of observation from a loved one are an early response and the fact that he knows the patient's usual behavior very well and can notice even small changes. The main disadvantage is that normal friendly communication risks turning into constant monitoring of symptoms. Not every mentally healthy person is able to remain within the boundaries of reason.
It is important to agree in advance, before an attack, what is an undoubted sign of a worsening condition (for example, persistent insomnia), and what you do not need to pay special attention to (for example, loud indignation at something that you do not like). In a difficult situation, often a loved one begins to behave not as an equal, but as a “healthy” and “knowledgeable”. Not all relationships stand this test.
There is also a variant of "buddy" (when two people with mental disorders look after each other. - Note ed. ) - it is good precisely because it is the true request of the patient and more equal relations without mixing roles. But I don't know the buddy support system.
To choose a person you can rely on in a critical situation, take a closer look at your surroundings. Above all, a high level of trust is needed. Your assistant should be open to nonjudgmental and open dialogue and at the same time emotionally stable and resistant to stress.
Support is essential for every person - very often we as mental health professionals need it. And with bipolar disorder, this problem is especially acute. At the initial stages, those closest to you often ignore the presence of the disease, and friends advise you to either "pull yourself together" or, conversely, "relax", sometimes with the help of alcohol. When it becomes obvious to everyone that the “condition” will not go away on its own, urgent hospitalization is already required. The saved patient receives the "stigma".