What does it mean to be emotional

A person evaluates each parameter and gets a picture of his emotional state, which allows him to pay attention to personal shortcomings that he had not thought about before.

We were recently contacted by the London Police Department. One of the employees, a talented employee who at the same time did not know how to get along with colleagues, was distinguished by his straightforwardness and authoritarian character.

At work they didn't know what to do about it.

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Research shows women with high emotional intelligence are more satisfied with their appearance

A police officer took a test focusing on motivation, decision-making and relationships. This helped him become aware of his own behavior and improve relationships with work colleagues.

Emotional intelligence can be measured not only by the tested person, but also by people close to him. For example, a man considers himself an optimist and quite happy. But if you ask his wife to take the test, it may turn out that she sees him as a pessimist, unable to control emotions.

People often perceive themselves differently than others think of them.

Making sense of emotions is the first step towards reassessing behavior.

, unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can increase

BBC: What is the difference between emotional intelligence and IQ (coefficient A intelligence)?

BP: It is known that the level of IQ is an objective indicator of mental abilities that cannot be changed. IQ predicts success at school, at work.

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Researchers note that high emotional intelligence has a positive effect on the ability to work in a team

mood of colleagues.

Unlike IQ, which is genetic, a person can regulate and improve his emotional intelligence throughout life.

It is important to understand that social skills are as important to personal success as the ability to think logically or solve math problems.

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BBC: What role does emotional intelligence play in business and companies?

BP: Employers pay attention to the fact that high mental abilities are not always a criterion that determines a person's success at work.

For example, a person with a broad track record and a high IQ is hired, and he turns out to be a tyrant who cannot get along with the team.

That's why more and more large companies are turning to emotional intelligence professionals for help: just search the Internet for "emotional intelligence for business" to see this.

BBC: What is the emotional intelligence of politicians?

AP: There is a good chance that most politicians today will score high on the emotional intelligence traits test.

This is due to inflated ego and narcissism, which allow leaders to appreciate themselves and their personal abilities.

However, this does not at all indicate high emotional intelligence.

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Despite his presidency, many believe that Trump lacks emotional intelligence.

If we turn to historical examples, the model of a wise ruler was the Indian emperor Ashoka, who had a strong emotional intelligence. Mahatma Gandhi is another example of a leader capable of empathy (one of the main components of emotional intelligence).

• Theresa May's Brexit: the triumph of emotions over reason?

The issue of politics is the motivation of people in power. Wise rulers capable of empathy should stand at the political top, and not those who seek to realize themselves at the expense of ruling others.

BBC: How do I know if I have low emotional intelligence?

BP: To understand whether there is reason to talk about low emotional intelligence, you should pay attention to everyday thoughts, actions and emotions.

The main points that can be indicators of low EQ:

• Uncertainty in yourself and your actions
• Tendency to excessive self-criticism
• Inability to find a common language with others with self-esteem and communication with others, but at the same time they are more modest and open-minded about others.
  • What is your emotional intelligence? Check yourself

  How to be happy and not burn out?

  BBC: How to improve emotional intelligence? Are there educational materials, programs for this? Where should you start?

  K.P. : I am often asked: how to achieve success at work and improve relationships in the family? Asking such a question is like going to the doctor for a prescription without asking the cause of the disease.

  First of all it is necessary to ask the question "Who am I?", and only then "What do I feel?" A person must learn to understand himself, recognize his emotions, and only after that - analyze the feelings of others.

  Image caption,

  Professor Petrides believes that the study of emotional intelligence should begin with the question "Who am I?" and only then - "How do I feel?"

  This is not easy to do. All life people try to find happiness from outside. This is how it is laid down by the system, in which external achievements are the hallmark of success.

  A person finishes school, enters a prestigious university, and is looking for a well-paid job.

  Chooses the best life partner, the best house, car. He is constantly trying to climb the wall he is building. But this is impossible, because when he reaches the top, he puts a couple more bricks on top.

  At a certain moment a person "burns out", realizes that he is unhappy. Sometimes it happens too late. There are many such people in London - outwardly successful and positive, who in fact have been on antidepressants for years.

  • The riddle of writing therapy: write about your pain and it will go away?

  The goal of the Emotional Intelligence Traits program is to enable a person to stop looking for meaning from outside, and instead try to look inside himself and understand his essence. Want to change. The main thing is to be sincere.

  The next natural step is meditation. If a person is internally ready for changes, coming into meditation will seem quite natural to him.

  Konstantin V. Petrides - Head of the Psychometric Laboratory, Professor of Psychology and Psychometry at Londo University College to . Professor Petrides is the author and developer of the Traits of Emotional Intelligence tests that are used for worldwide research in this area.

  What is emotional intelligence and how it defines our lives

  What is emotional intelligence

  In the mid-1990s, the Western world exploded with the psychological bestseller by journalist Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters More Than IQ. Through facts about the human brain, the history of emotions and anthropology, Goleman tried to give his version of a successful person, using the research of American scientists. At that moment, they were actively looking for the ingredient of success, analyzing the achievements of different people in childhood and adulthood, their cognitive and social skills. Of course, the origin, heredity and the forces invested in education affect the viability of a person in adulthood, but success in life - especially for people without innate privileges - is affected by a unique combination of intellectual abilities and emotional sensitivity, when a person does not use his own feelings and desires destructively, but to achieve long-term goals. Whatever the university degree, parental family and the first years of a happy life, it is the ability of a person to manage his feelings and notice the feelings of others that will affect his ability to establish long-term relationships in his personal life and business, gain influence, draw attention to himself, lead a team, make friends and start a family.

  Emotional intelligence in a broad sense is the recognition of both positive and negative feelings for oneself and others, the ability to separate personal feelings from bare facts, as well as the ability to feel mood, temperament, intonation and intentions in communication with other people, regardless of whether whether they are old acquaintances or you see them for the first time in your life. An important part of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and honestly describe one’s own emotions, the ability not to panic and reject “bad emotions” (anger, jealousy, irritation, envy, anger) and the widespread use of emotionally colored language with self-messages. People who are able to articulate their feelings (“I’m sorry that our vacation is so casual” instead of “Why don’t you come up with something again?” Is the first tangible sign), realize their source and calmly discuss further actions without getting personal, there are not Often. And the time spent with them, for the majority, turns out to be very high-quality communication.

  Psychologists generally divide emotional intelligence into four categories of skills. The first is the ability to communicate clearly and distinctly with others, explain expectations, actively listen, influence and inspire, work in a team or lead it and resolve conflicts. The second is general empathy and a comfortable sense of self in a large group of people: whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, you feel the emotional cues of others and rarely encounter misunderstandings. Third feature - Knowing your strengths and weaknesses and calmly coexisting with them, as well as a good knowledge of personal emotions and their influence on your life. And the last is the ability to manage emotions, limit their destructive influence on oneself, the ability to fulfill obligations, maintain long-term relationships and change in accordance with the environment.

  By itself, emotional intelligence is able to keep a person afloat, but it brings the best results in a career in combination with deep knowledge and strong motivation. Indeed, a high IQ helps you get into university or get a long-awaited job, but it is a developed emotional intelligence that affects exposure to stress, helps you start relationships in a new place or adapt to a turbulent work situation. Self-regulation, the ability to hear and put oneself in the place of another, the ability to manage mood complements practical skills and abilities in all areas where communication is required. Obviously, in an age when most unpleasant tasks have already been assigned or will soon be transferred to machines, such areas are the vast majority.

  © JakeOlimb; erhui1979 / istockphoto.com

  What Emotional Intelligence Influences and Why You Can't Do Without It

  How often have you come across an incredibly talented and at the same time optional person who does not keep agreements? Have you ever been in his place? Were you interrupted with inappropriate remarks, or did your intervention only exacerbate the conflict? Has it ever happened that because of unvoiced expectations, your relationship only got worse and no one could determine what was the reason? All of these situations reflect problems with emotional intelligence: when a misunderstanding of intent and mood, emotional state and motivation makes simple communication tense, negative, or even rude. What is emotional intelligence primarily affected by?

  - Self-awareness -

  Feeling euphoria or depression, causeless anxiety or a very specific concern, a person with a high EQ understands what is happening to him and what it is called. He is able to distinguish anxiety from anger or panic, and spontaneous tender joy from intense emotional intimacy. Being aware of his feelings, he is able to move away from them and not delve into destructive and incorporeal thoughts. For example, he will not take a slight infatuation for great love, and a curious prospect for the main goal of life. Based on emotions, he will make long-term plans, where mood swings or new events in life in general will not greatly change the vector of his development. This does not mean at all a dull life, without impressions, in which one cannot be subjected to impulse. Rather, it is a deep knowledge of how to respond to specific emotions. For example, do not continue a fruitless argument when all parties to the conflict are on edge. Do not take on too many responsibilities in a state of euphoria. Do not be afraid to admit to yourself in unsightly feelings and take responsibility for them. Don't do good to others without their request. These "nots" are taken from personal negative experiences and are often automatically adjusted after a few misses - it just takes time to catch the connection between our feelings and subsequent actions.

  — Self-regulation —

  Understanding your feelings, it is easy to manage yourself — from conscious nutrition to work schedule and work time planning. A high EQ means that we take responsibility for our lives and the final result of all relationships - work and personal - and do not look for someone to blame. Instead of putting the blame on colleagues who let us down, or the other half who did not understand us correctly, people with high EQ tend to ask themselves questions at what point in the misunderstanding worsened, what exactly they could have done better - and use this knowledge in the next similar situations. Self-control contributes to the fact that we do not allow negative emotions - anger, anxiety, fatigue - to affect others and monitor our own reputation: we keep our word, promise and agreements on an ongoing basis outside of force majeure. Results are judged by the efforts and actions of one's own, and not through the analysis of the mistakes of others. And new conditions and life situations do not plunge into an alarming state: a person with a high EQ will look in difficulties for the possibility of solving them and personal growth or moving to another job and to other relationships. Of course, this does not mean that you need to turn into a robot, in which all impulses and reactions are ordered. Rather, emotional intelligence means a sound assessment of one's capabilities and merits, recognizing people's right to behave as they want, and the ability to resolve conflict situations in a clash of interests without becoming their hostages for many months.

  — Motivation —

  Emotional intelligence is closely related to motivation and proactive behavior — the ability to adequately respond to change, unite (rather than divide) people, represent other people's interests, delegate power and inspire people to believe in the best. A person with a high EQ is easy to train and relates to temporary difficulties without a decadent attitude, guided by the principle “if we don’t try, we won’t know. ” He analyzes his own and other people's mistakes well, is not presumptuous, and therefore knows how to influence the mood of the group without intimidating or making light promises.

  Firstly, emotional intelligence influences the desire to justify one's own and others' expectations and to be more responsible with given guarantees. Secondly, the need to discuss mutual expectations at work or in the family provides an opportunity to express concerns about why the “gray areas” in a large task become smaller over time. Thirdly, emotional intelligence is almost always associated with the rational allocation of resources and initiative: instead of procrastinating, a proactive person will choose to teach or help another, arrange a common space, additional skills or free time. You have probably noticed that in any team there is a person who needs a little more than others, and he willingly shares this - he has ideas on how to spend the evening, he grows flowers in the office or brings treats, helps others without complaint and takes on education of trainees. All this is one way or another an example of motivation in the workplace. In personal life, everything works in much the same way. We know people who always call first, choose a new place for a group dinner, book a group trip, invite them on a date, never forget a birthday - all these are also signs of emotional intelligence.

  - Empathy -

  In a broad sense, emotional intelligence affects the ability to understand what others feel and think. This can include a lot of information of various kinds: both knowledge of social psychology about group behavior or relationships in a couple, as well as specific skills to calm and get a panicked person out of a stupor, knowledge of the correct wording and ways to divert attention. In general, empathy is attunement to others in any of their states, accepting their mood, understanding language and reading non-verbal signs. The first thing that emotional intelligence affects is the ability to recognize the emotions of others and draw conclusions from this. The rule of not yelling at a crying baby or having long arguments with aggressive people is a basic rule of empathy that helps reduce wasted effort. A manager who listens to subordinates and gives them the tools to grow and develop manifests himself as an empathic leader because he feels the needs of others and helps them reach their potential. A sense of justice is also associated with empathy - the absence of prejudices and preferences, the ability to use the skills of all participants in the process for the common good. And, of course, a person with a developed emotional intelligence usually understands well what they don’t talk about: he respects weaknesses, remembers injuries, does not push conflicting parties together, sees the hierarchy and knows how to reckon with it.

  — Social skills —

  All of the above areas of influence of emotional intelligence lead to the main thing: the combination of these qualities helps us to better understand people, not to have unjustified expectations towards them, not to demand more from ourselves and others than in our strength, not to become hostages of emotions, not to succumb to group influence. People with high EQ are more likely to work on rhetorical devices or are already good at persuasion techniques. They know how to verbally prioritize, don't expect their emotions to be guessed, and rarely slip into passive-aggressive behavior.

  Emotional intelligence helps to bring people together and initiate changes in a family or group without causing negative feelings in anyone, to see the advantages of everyone individually when achieving common goals, to share experiences and educate each other. Teams with such people are almost always a breeding ground where it is easy to grow and acquire many related skills, and at the same time consolidate self-confidence. And, of course, emotional intelligence is necessary if it is necessary to approach the conflict consciously, to resolve it without mutual accusation and unfavorable compromise. Instead of anxiety and fear, give up positions. A person with a high EQ will choose a sincere conversation between the conflicting parties, will not avoid the role of an intermediary, but will help to express mutual claims and develop a strategy for further actions.

  How to Improve Emotional Intelligence: 5 Actionable Steps

  Unlike many inborn talents, like math skills or an ear for music, emotional intelligence as a social skill can be improved throughout one's life. As a work team, as a couple, in relationships with parents, friends and children, we can constantly work on empathy and communication skills, which will definitely affect the quality of our relationships, mood and lifestyle.

  © Vijay Patel; erhui1979 / istockphoto.com

  - Step one -

  Putting ourselves in the other person's shoes

  To begin with, it would be a good idea to study the person in whose place we want to put ourselves. A crying little baby is most often tired or hungry. An annoyed neighbor could not get enough sleep because of the construction under the window. A disgruntled colleague is going through a difficult breakup. Too much new work has fallen on my mother. The wife is tired, torn between home and work. The boss is hungover, scowling, and making harsh comments. My best friend has been depressed for over a year. A tipsy stranger on the street wants to chat. A subordinate in a panic failed the third project in a row. By analyzing with whom and in what state we are talking, we better understand how they feel right now and why they act the way they do. It is absolutely not necessary to leave people the opportunity to make mistakes without consequences - in some situations it is simply necessary to outline the boundaries of what is acceptable. But knowing what is happening in the lives of those with whom we encounter every day is absolutely necessary so that our mutual expectations and demands are fair. Put yourself in the place of a woman who has to drive half a city with a pram, or a man who hasn't been on vacation for more than two years, or a child who is never turned away. And it will be much easier for you to understand how they feel at the moment.

  — Step two —

  Naming emotions: own and others

  Most people do not know how to name their emotions and consider it an extra skill. Meanwhile, anger is very different from resentment and disappointment, and it is necessary to analyze your own and other people's emotions in order to know your own weaknesses. One of the best ways is to replenish the emotional vocabulary with new descriptions of emotions: to separate anxiety from irritation, fatigue from apathy. This is best done in combination with mood diary : Keep a daily diary of changing mood and record emotions during and after events - meetings, conversations, cultural events and new acquaintances. So you, firstly, will see what events of the day and how they affect you (positively or negatively), and secondly, you will understand the tangle of conflicting feelings that different situations and people cause in you. When you understand what negative emotions dominate in life, it will be easier to find a way out for them: it is no coincidence that active sports and jogging are advised from anger, and sweets are not advised to seize anxiety. When you learn to name and define your emotions, it will be much easier to identify others - by verbal and non-verbal signals. And forever separate emotions that are related to you from random ones: you don’t need to comprehend the behavior of an annoyed person in public transport, but the partner’s constant claims should be taken into account.

  - Step Three -

  Broaden your horizons

  Often problems with emotional intelligence are due to the fact that we drowned in our information bubble. It has already been proven that knowledge of several foreign languages ​​helps a person to better absorb information about the diversity of the world. It is necessary to broaden one's horizons - to read fiction books and memoirs, to watch feature films and documentaries, to be interested in science, to travel, to educate oneself - in order to understand how people differ in talents and aspirations and how problematic it is for life and career to measure everyone by one measure. Modests and careerists, swindlers and idealists will be found in world literature and cinema, and each of them will have their own exciting story. Understanding a complex and disordered world in which everyone can find what they need is an important step for resolving conflicts, building harmonious relationships and managerial growth. Books, films, exhibitions, trips and new skills are not just erudition, but also a way to better understand others.

  - Step Four -

  Think two steps ahead

  Emotional intelligence is related to long-term planning: setting priorities and goals, strategic allocation of resources and tactics for immediate actions. In building relationships with others, it is always worth dividing people into those with whom we spend most of our time and those who have no influence on our lives. All the powers of emotional intelligence should be used to ensure that communication with the inner circle is filled and interesting. Spend your time on those from whom you learn a lot, who surpass you in personal and professional qualities, surround yourself with caring and harmonious people, and communication with them will bear fruit. Think about how to get into such a team or assemble one if you are responsible for it. Think about what kind of life is important and comfortable for you and what actions will lead you to it. Tailor your budget to your goals and learn how to save. Save money for a smart purchase. Help others by discussing it and coming to an agreement. Look at conflict and obstacles as an intermediate stage, overcoming which new opportunities will open up for you. Carefully spell out all work and personal commitments in advance and don't make false promises or set unreasonable expectations. Emotional intelligence helps to measure mental strength and capture the mood of someone who can and wants to help you move forward in your plans. If the environment and intended goals do not match your current state, it is never too late to replay and get what you are striving for.

  - Step Five -

  Get training or psychotherapy

  Very often, for profound changes, it is difficult to find the resources and knowledge to make a sharp qualitative leap in understanding yourself and others. In this case, psychological training or psychotherapy can be a very useful tool on the path to self-knowledge. Training is recommended for psychologically healthy people, without problems with appetite and sleep, in a stable positive state to achieve career and personal goals with a personal motivation coach. Trainings are shown to those who are tired of a work routine or an unfavorable personal situation and who have enough internal strength to do significant work on themselves.

  Psychotherapy is a deeper and longer-term undertaking that requires a reassessment of oneself, one's achievements, environment and lifestyle. Often it is accompanied by the acquisition of new habits, parting with toxic environments, changing jobs and even places of residence, and no good therapist can tell you where the therapy will take you. Both training and therapy are aimed at expanding emotional intelligence, developing the ability to identify and control emotions, work with fears and negative attitudes, and overcome negative patterns through a fundamentally new set of actions.

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