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Dating an addict


SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

  • Suggested Resources

    What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
    Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.

    It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
    Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.

    After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
    Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.

    Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
    Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.

    For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.

Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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How to calculate that a person uses drugs: signs and warning symptoms | NHS

Co-dependent relative jeopardizes the recovery of the addict

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There are up to 1.8 million people who use drugs in Russia. These figures are provided by the International Commission on Drug Policy (ECECACD). Another frightening figure is the number of deaths associated with the use of illegal substances. For this reason, up to 10 thousand Russians die every year. And the figure, according to Rosstat, is growing year by year. We have already told how quickly the drug market moved to the IT sector and how it works now. Today we will share a story about codependency - it turned out that this is no less a problem than the addiction itself. Journalist Kadriya Katzina spoke with the wife of a drug addict and found out why even after a long period of sobriety, peace does not come to the family.

Talking about such a problem as codependency is as difficult as talking about addiction itself. As a rule, people who are faced with alcoholism and drug addiction agree to talk about it only anonymously - because of the stigma in society. But our heroine said that she did not want to hide under a false name.

Louise is 46 years old, she grew up in a family of alcoholics, married a drug addict and an alcoholic. The marriage was concluded at a conscious age, they have been together with her husband for five years. Louise says she knew about her husband's problems when she married him.

Louise had to go to work when the baby was two months old

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— He didn't hide anything from me. I chose this person and gave birth to a child. Nobody forced me, it was only my choice. A son was born and we got married. When the child was two months old, I gave him to a private kindergarten and went to work. For a whole year I worked without days off. During the time that my husband was actively using, I earned myself a bunch of different diseases: type 2 diabetes, hypertension, pancreatitis, my stomach hurts, 10 hernias on my spine. I thought that he was to blame for all my problems, but later, after working with specialists, it dawned on me that it was not his fault, but me. It's not him who's killing me, it's me. It was I who thought that I would save him, for me he would give up everything. And everywhere I am, I am, I am. But all that relatives of an addicted person can do is to accept their impotence. Until he himself realizes that it is time to quit, no one will help him. I defended him and did not ask if he needed it at all, Louise admits.

Louise believes that the main mistake of all co-dependents is trying to save a drug addict or alcoholic. Also pity for him.

— People try to help, but how? They give money for a hangover, otherwise he will die. They themselves shorten their path to death. He'll die anyway if he stays in this madness. We must learn to say "no". Now I say “no” to my brother who suffers from alcoholism, my mother, husband, but this does not mean that I do not love them. A drunk brother can call me and I can tell him I won't talk to him. From this, stones will not be thrown at me, relations between us will not deteriorate. But I will be calmer, says Louise.

Krasnoyarsk says that life in codependency was a real hell.

— I had no confidence in my husband. Now I have turned off all geolocations, I have not picked up his phone for two years. And before, I had a dream to become a little man to get into his pocket and hear what he says, see who he communicates with and what he is doing. She demanded to take a picture of where he was and with whom. Now I clearly understand that he has his own responsibility. There has never been such a thing in three years that, for example, he did not take his son from kindergarten. The big victory is to learn to trust, Louise is convinced.

Louise has not checked her husband's phone for two years and does not control his every step

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Paradoxically, with the start of her husband's sober life, Louise did not feel better.

— I looked at him, he is so happy, and I began to hate his sobriety, began to envy him. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t become happy, here he is, healthy, we don’t have any more problems with his addiction. It got to the point that I threw tests on the table for him to do, and hoped that they would turn out to be positive, then I would feel like a queen. It's very convenient to live with a person who feels guilty. I also went to the group, because I realized: I can’t do this anymore. Now I understand that codependence is the same disease, and I have to live with it, says the woman.

Louise's husband has been sober for three years and says that nothing will make him go back to drinking.

- He has 30 years of experience. He hasn't used in three years. But now I clearly understand what is his business and what is mine. We learned to immediately solve problems in relationships on the spot, we were able to survive it. Family is work, it is daily work. We got married two years ago in a church. Most importantly, now I do not live in fear that he will start again. I am aware that if he returns to his former life, it will be on his conscience, and my fear and stress will not protect him from drugs and alcohol, Louise summed up.

Narcologists working with addicts have turned their attention to relatives for a long time. Often in a family where someone drinks alcohol without measure or uses drugs, there are no healthy people: parents cover their child and create greenhouse conditions for him to continue to use; wives or husbands of addicts regret and do not break off relations, taking on the duties of spouses and covering them at work or in front of friends; children of alcoholics or drug addicts adapt to the mood of drunk parents.

According to Lyudmila Kharitonova, head of the medical prevention department of the Krasnoyarsk regional drug dispensary, codependency is a diagnosis with its own symptoms. And it is necessary to treat both addicts and co-dependents.

A codependent loved one must undergo treatment not only for the sake of an alcoholic or drug addict, but first of all for himself

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— Codependency is a pathological form of relationship, involvement in the life of an addict. The real diagnosis. Together with the addict, his whole family undergoes treatment. They have their own plan: individual work with psychologists, psychotherapists, group classes. Their recovery is the key to the success of a patient with addiction to alcohol or drugs, - explains a doctor - a psychologist-narcologist.

According to Lyudmila Kharitonova, co-dependents want their sick relatives to improve and stop using, but nevertheless they are indulged.

— This is usually how it happens: for example, parents give money for a dose so that their son or daughter does not go to steal and end up in jail. And the wife or husband gives their partner a hangover, “otherwise he will die,” the physician gives understandable examples.

Also, according to doctors, codependency, like other diseases, has its own symptoms: psychological, somatic, neurological. The close environment of a drug addict or alcoholic accumulates irritation, anger, fatigue. This leads to significant health problems.

The doctor's opinion is shared by the head of the private rehabilitation center Igor Gunin. He believes that it is important for an addicted person to receive a social blow in order to assess the situation in which he finds himself.

— Addiction is a family disease. In a family where there is a person who uses drugs or an alcoholic, there are no healthy people. It is important to stop encouraging a loved one who is in a crazy state. The drunkard goes on a drinking binge, and his wife believes that this is the last time, she herself, unhappy, pulls the whole family on herself - both financially, and the children are on her, and this husband is also on her. This is a pathology - co-addicts need to save someone all the time, - Igor explains.

Igor Gunin believes that putting an alcoholic or drug addict on your neck is making everyone worse

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According to the head of the rehab, a co-dependent relative can be heard from the first words on the hotline.

- They call and say: "We need to code." It's like moms sometimes say: "We pooped." I immediately have a question: “Do you two use there?” They say: "No, only he." And immediately the second question: “Why are you calling, and not him?” Here the answer is obvious - I am talking with a co-dependent relative, much less often it is a friend, - continues the head of rehabilitation for addicts.

According to Igor Gunin, relatives try not to even mention the problem.

— Usually they cannot admit to themselves that a relative is an alcoholic. They say: “he pours by the collar”, “applied to the bottle”, “drinks”. At first, they even try to take them not to a doctor or a rehabilitation center, but to some grandmother or shaman. They believe in some kind of miracle, his promises to quit and pull him even deeper into the disease. Relatives try to support and do it wrong, becoming a buffer between the alcoholic and reality. On the contrary, it is necessary to make him understand: if he drinks or uses drugs, he will not be able to work, he will have nothing to live on and, most likely, nowhere. He needs to stop holding his pants up.

Feasts with alcohol are excluded in families where there are addicts

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The fact that relatives endure the illness of an addict for a long time becomes a fatal factor. On average, they come for help after 10–15 years, sometimes it’s not only difficult, but completely impossible to help.

When asked why people start using mind-altering substances (including alcohol), Igor Gunin starts to bend his fingers:

- First, there are genetic predispositions. Secondly, the social environment - friends, family holidays, where it is customary to drink and do it often. Thirdly, the lack of understanding of emotions: in childhood it is forbidden to get angry, cry, a person begins to regulate his emotions with alcohol, he begins to feel relief only with it. Not that he was well, but he begins to feel the way a normal person usually feels. Fourth, an alcoholic or drug addict is a person with low self-esteem, for example, he was beaten for deuces or ignored in childhood. There are a lot of factors, and you can't lay straw everywhere.

Both narcologists and employees of private rehabilitation centers agree that both addicts and co-addicts need help. In the rehabilitation center they say that to solve the problem of an addict only with detox - to drive him even deeper into the disease.

- This solves his physiological problem, gives him a break to start using again. That's right - seek help for both the addict and the co-dependent. Because the behavior of relatives must change,” Igor Gunin is convinced. - An alcoholic or drug addict went to the doctor to solve their problems, at the same time, relatives go to psychotherapists - to solve their own.

how Krasnoyarsk residents met unsuccessfully on Tinder / News of the Society of Krasnoyarsk and the Krasnoyarsk Territory / Newslab.Ru Krasnoyarsk entered the top five cities with the most expensive dates for Valentine's Day - follows from recent news.

Citizens do not save on their loved ones and celebrate the holiday willingly. However, what if you couldn’t find a couple for the day of all lovers? That's right, register in some dating application and try to find a chosen one or a chosen one there. Newslab found out from Krasnoyarsk residents what stories they “brought” from Tinder dates, and chose the most trashy, funny and ridiculous ones.

02/14/2022

“I’m very tired,” a businesslike pug declares from the smartphone screen, languidly reading some book, probably about love

“Broken nose for memory”: an instructive story from Anton

cause someone else's nose fracture. It was like this - I went on a date with another girl. She was quite frank and almost immediately told me that she was married. Of course, this did not stop me - after all, these are not my problems. Her marriage was falling apart and, apparently, I was used as a life jacket. By the way, my husband himself was in the same application.

After our date, which smoothly flowed into the bedroom, the lady returned to her home. And she decided to confess to her husband that she had a relationship on the side - so that, probably, it would be disgraceful to him. And he just took it and broke her nose. How did I know about it? She called me and asked me to take her to the emergency room.

Of course, nothing came of our relationship, and then they divorced. As a memory of failed love, she was left with only the corrected shape of her nose.

"The plan came up in a split second": Lisa's little revenge

“One day a guy from Tinder jacked me off. It was the only meeting in my life from a dating app. We agreed on a rendezvous, at the appointed time I arrived at the place and am waiting for him. Ten minutes later I ask: “Where are you?”, And my failed companion replies that he will not be able to come today.

A week later, my girlfriend had a match with the same guy, and the plan for revenge was devised in a fraction of a second. He waited for her for an hour, and at that time she was sitting at my house.”

Still from the film “Love and Doves” (1984)

“He seemed to be shaking all our walk”: Alina’s date with a drug addict

“Once I went on a date with a very handsome young man. In correspondence, he seemed extremely interesting to me, told some incredible stories, captured all my attention. Of course, I wanted to see him as soon as possible.

We met. That evening we chatted about everything, walked, swung on a swing, he was very polite and courteous, but all the time somehow strangely looked around, and throughout our walk he seemed to be shaking. He assured me that my presence calmed him. Naturally, I was just confused.

We went home, and he later wrote that he really enjoyed our date, except that he was shaking because of the withdrawal from the illegal substances he used. It also turned out that he looked around at the sounds of sirens of supposedly police cars. In short, it didn't work out. "

Are you happy with the Valentines you received?

Photo: vk.com/mxxxd

“I confessed that I was thrown off a cliff”: the tragic story of Vladimir’s companion And, of course, there were a lot of funny and sad things at these meetings. But I especially remember one terrible story that happened to my counterpart.

When we first met, I felt that she somehow shunned me. "Me" is all male, in principle, as it seemed to me. And when I slowly began to find out what was the matter, she admitted that she had been thrown off a cliff. This was done by the husband with whom they became a family a couple of days before the fatal fall.

She explained that at first everything was fine in their relationship, and it seemed to her that this was a typical love story with a happy ending. Closer to the wedding, she began to notice something suspicious in his behavior. After the wedding, the newlyweds went to Stolby. She went to the edge of the cliff, and the faithful pushed her in the back.

The girl miraculously managed to survive after falling from a height and a whole "kneading" of various fractures. It turned out that the newly-minted husband was diagnosed with a mental illness, which he cleverly concealed. And he pushed the girl to get an apartment. A quick wedding and the same quick divorce, a long treatment and hard attempts to trust men again - the tragic story of my companion, which I remember.

Whom you will meet in Krasnoyarsk "Tinder"...

"Some strange mammologist": Anna's meeting with the resourceful prince

“We agreed to meet with one guy from Tinder, but he “merged” at first. And then he unexpectedly offered to see me. I thought along the way we would decide what we would do on such an impromptu date. He came to pick me up in an old Mercedes (usually these guys have clear-cut guys), we go. And then he gave out that he was a mammologist.

Asked: “What size are you? I think it's a double." Of course, I didn't know where to put myself. She replied that he knew better. Then he continued the questions: “Are you okay with your breasts? No problem?". After joking, I realized that I needed to molt. Since we did not drive far, I asked him to drop me off, citing urgent business. Then I signed him in the phone book under the name "Some strange mammologist."

Another time, on the first date, I also had to defend myself. A guy came after me, and already initially there were “a lot” of him - he immediately tried to hug me, but I don’t know the person at all and don’t want to share my personal space with him yet. We are driving, and he jokes in a strange way, and then - n about went on, and then I start making comments. What he just laughs off. We continue the trip, and the guy says something greasy again - then at the red traffic light I calmly unfasten my seat belt, and when he asks "Where are you going", I just open the door and get out of the car. I walk as if in an action movie - I walk and do not turn around at the explosion, and the guy, of course, is in shock, and besides, he is on the black list forever.

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