What are self defeating behaviors
Eliminate Self-Defeating Behaviors - Shawna Freshwater, PhD
What Are Self-Defeating BehaviorsSelf-defeating behaviors are on-going unhealthy negative patterns of behaviors such as the following: stress reactions, negative binge thinking, smoking, self-medicating, substance abuse, poor nutrition, overweight, inactive lifestyle, emotional eating, poor sleep hygiene, toxic relationships, co-dependency, anger, perfectionism, Type A personality, AND not caring for one’s mental and physical health.
Positive behavioral changes are possible and the benefits result in healthy functioning brain, calm mind, emotional stability, healthy relationships, and body longevity.
The Key Aspects of Any Self Defeating BehaviorSelf-defeating behaviors (SDB) become engrained and part of the hardwiring of the brain-cognitive-behavioral-emotional-body system. Self-defeating behaviors includes faulty conclusions, self-limiting beliefs, fears, choices, techniques, prices, minimizers, and disowning. These factors generate SDB that limit healthy, productive behavioral-emotional-physiological responses in new moments of life.
Every day, people unwittingly choose actions and attitudes that are not aligned with mental health and physical health. They end up working against themselves and what they really want from life. These actions and attitudes reinforce self-defeating behaviors (or SDBs). We develop them at low points in our lives and continue to use them long after it stops being appropriate to do so. Self-Defeating Behaviors are Self-Sabotage.
Self-Defeating Behaviors are Misguided Attempts to Deal with Stressors.Life can be viewed as a line with various high and low points, representing a variety of experiences—some positive, some negative, or some challenging. Positive experiences develop healthy behaviors. Negative or challenging experiences (including being held to the unrealistic expectations, work stress, relationship stress, social rejection, being bullied,) can breed SDBs, as we strive to cope with the stresses in our life.
Life today can be stressful on all fronts. We live in a modern society of Stress. Stress is an epidemic of modern society. Stress itself is not a disease, but it is disease causing. Check out my publication: 3 Types of Stress and Health Hazards.
You may be working with all your time and effort to balance a marriage, a family, a career, and social life, while trying to maintain a home and pay the bills. Alternatively, you may be trying to cope with social isolation, loneliness—the lack of marriage and family—or unemployment and the inability to pay your bills. You may have feelings of inadequacy when you can’t have—or give your children—the kind of life that others seem to have.
All of these situations and challenges can lead to stress, which in turn lead to the development of Self Defeating Behaviors (SBD). SDBs are a significant problem for people with chronic health conditions.
The average person practices at least six Self Defeating Behaviors on an on-going basis.
I am so excited to offer this package to you. So, that you are living a physically and mentally healthier life. Let’s work together. Here is just a sneak peak of our flow.
I utilize a Strength-Based orientation. I am PhD expert at assessment of personality. I assess your personality for your Strengths. Your unique individual personality strengths can be used to eliminate Self-Defeating Behaviors and create a more healthy life.
Unfortunately, many therapists are not trained and PhD experts in personality evaluation. They often are identifying and treating what is “wrong” with the individual rather than looking at the individual’s character strengths. Focusing on the negative will leave the individual feeling ‘stuck’ and defective. Discovering ‘what is right with you’ is an essential part of positive growth and is the first step in being the BEST version of yourself.
My passion in life is helping patients and clients recognize and utilize their character strengths. Once a person has discovered their strengths and how to use them, they can improve their quality of life. We work together to establish insight and an accurate lens of what’s going on in your life. From this vantage point of self-awareness, we can determine goals and areas for growth moving forward to the next stage of the process.
Key Point: Simply eliminating Self-Defeating Behaviors can leave you with a void. By knowing your personality strengths gives you the leverage to replace SDBs with healthy, life-giving~life positive, and promoting health actions and attitudes, you’ll be better prepared to deal with whatever life throws your way. As you know, life can be abundant with challenges.
WHAT DO I NEED? PSYCHOTHERAPY, COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY, OR COACHING?
Once we identified your personality strengths and narrowed down the areas of focus (e.
g. SDB), we create a custom therapeutic approach utilizing evidenced based practices. Your role will be proactive as you will be challenged and encouraged to explore areas of growth. My strengths-based approach allows you to gain maximum benefit by using techniques or tools from an array of therapies; using what works best at that moment. The practice of these therapeutic techniques will help you build the skills needed for being a better version of you.
We will take a look at what SDBs are and how to identify yours. Once you understand what they are, take an honest look at yourself and you’ll probably identify at least a few you use either daily or in specific circumstances. If not, I will offer several other methods of uncovering your SDBs. The first step in doing that is to know what they are. You must identify specifically the behavior you want to change.
There are a number of ways to do this. I will be your guide.
Key point: One thing all self-defeating behaviors have in common is they are originally learned and practiced in stressful situations. The greater your perception is of a stressful the situation, the more intense the self-defeating behavior.
Using Your Character Strengths helps you Analyze Your Self Defeating Behaviors
If SDBs were practiced only once and then forgotten, they might serve as an expedient and effective way of dealing with a stressful situation. But when practiced repeatedly they can lead to negative, harmful patterns. By better understanding SDBs, why and when you practice them, and how, they can lead to the very consequences you’re trying to avoid, you can begin the transition to healthy, positive (what I call ~Life-giving) choices for your life.
Key point: Self-defeating behaviors are negative patterns of thinking, behavioral actions, emotional reactions.
What are your responses to stressful situations? The way you respond to one stressful situation can become a negative pattern of responses to future stressors.
If you observe other people—or yourself—you’ll see SDBs are not used all the time, but under particular (perceived stressful, as we’ve established) circumstances. The circumstances under which you perform an SDB form the trigger pattern for the SDB. A trigger pattern typically has three dimensions:
1) When — A particular time of day, week, month or year you are most likely to practice the behavior.
2) Where — A particular situation or location in which you are most likely to practice the behavior.
3) With whom — A particular person or group of persons with whom you are most likely to practice the behavior.
Healthy Choices – Recognize Self-defeating Behaviors Before They OccurAlthough SDBs are negative patterns developed over time and triggered by circumstances that may seem out of your control, each time you practice an SDB you make a new choice to do so.
And once you make that choice—which I call recreating the SDB—an outward manifestation of that attitude or behavior follows. This concept can be pretty difficult to understand if you feel your actions are out of your control. However, thinking your actions are not in your control is a faulty belief. Let’s say, for example, you (like some of my clients) smoke and feel powerless to stop doing so. Certainly, smoking may seem like an automatic response to a stressful situation. But when you really analyze what’s involved in smoking, you’ll see choices are involved.
What Fuels Self-Defeating Behaviors
SDB patterns are formed and/or repeated when faulty conclusions are used as guidelines for subsequent thoughts and actions. Such conclusions are the basis for all SDBs. They are composed of incorrect or incomplete evaluations about a situation and promises about what will happen if an SDB is practiced.
How Your Subconscious Can Control Your BehaviorLike eating processed and fatty foods or smoking when you know it’s not healthful, an SDB, today, seems irrational.
Why you engage in such irrational behavior is rooted in your history and stored in the inner, unaware area of your mind~the subconscious. The human mind complexity: The conscious mind is where people abstract and think; the place where their thoughts are in full awareness. The subconscious mind is where ideas and thoughts can be quite unclear or foggy. Many people are unaware of the operations of this area of the mind, and this is where our SDB conclusions are stored. Our SDBs are largely dictated by the subconscious area of the mind, until we learn to make the subconscious thoughts Conscious thoughts.
Key point: If you want to change a negative behavior, you must understand—become aware of—the conclusion that drives the behavior.
Consequences and Prices of Self-Defeating Behaviors.For every SDB, there are inevitable consequences, or prices. The prices you pay for overeating, for example, might include such physical prices as excess weight, lack of energy, and cardiovascular disease.
The prices for alcohol and drug abuse could include hangovers and liver damage. But physical prices are only part of the problem. SDBs can lead to high mental consequences, including depression, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and loss of self-respect. I once saw a bumper sticker that read “Every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness!” SDBs cost us many prices—not the least of which is our happiness.
Life-Promoting Behaviors
Life-promoting behaviors contribute to personal development, allow us to benefit from our experiences and help us to operate consistently with how we are designed as human beings. They open the door to harmoniously fitting into the larger scheme of things in the universe. Life-giving behaviors, as the name suggests, create life in us and in those with whom we come into contact.
Life-Giving AlternativesIn virtually all situations, there are two general alternatives to practicing an Self-Defeating Behavior (SDB).
You must either substitute another SDB for your old SDB or make a healthy choice that will improve your life. Your reality-based conclusion will tell you that the first of the alternatives is both illogical and counter-productive. Your only alternative, then, is to put a ~Life-giving behavior into practice.
However difficult it may seem, it is possible to achieve your goals of eliminating self-defeating behaviors and promoting ~Life giving behaviors.
Do you want a fulfilling life?
** Doing so largely comes down to first making a conscious choice to eliminate Self Defeating Behaviors from your life. However, you know it is not that simple. right? That is where I step in. I am an expert in getting people unstuck from self-defeating and self-sabotage behaviors. I am an expert at ~Life Giving ~ Life Promoting behaviors. I use a Strength-Based approach to therapy, counseling, and coaching.
We are all in the human condition together and we rise when we help others rise. Let’s work together.
Eliminating self-defeating actions, at first, takes an on-going efforts to identify and then make appropriate choices, but the process gets easier with time—if you work at it. Anything worth having requires effort and learning new skills that are ~Life positive ~Life giving.
PUREscriptions with,
Dr. Shawna
Shawna Freshwater, PhD
Hi, I am Dr. Shawna Freshwater, a PhD licensed Clinical Psychologist, Neuropsychologist, and Holistic Practitioner. ** I provide Psychotherapy, Coaching, Healing, Diagnostic testing & Mental Health Check-ups. ** I meet the needs of my patients and clients that are confidential and convenient to their schedule. ** I offer Remote / Online secure interactive video conferencing to USA residents and International clients. ** I also provide Concierge services at your home, office, or private location of your choice if you reside in South Florida Major Cities.
***Please see my website for more information about my credentials and areas of expertise. www.SpaciousTherapy.com Thank you. Dr. Freshwater
How to Recognize Self-Defeating Behavior
“I am not good enough to get the job..”
“I do not work well under pressure, I won’t make the deadline..”
Self-defeating behaviors can be your own worst enemy. These thoughts play on repeat when we encounter stress. It is common to retreat to negative behaviors during challenging times.
Unfortunately, these thoughts and behaviors prevent us from focusing on solutions and a healthy mindset. This resource goes over what is self-defeating behavior, and the common types of these behavior patterns.
Alcohol and drug abuse is a self-defeating behavior. For those struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, our San Diego drug rehab provides individuals treatment options catered to your needs. At Healthy Life Recovery, our health experts can help you overcome substance abuse and its self-defeating behaviors.
What is Self-Defeating Behavior?
Self-defeating behavior can be any behavior that typically results in something the person does not want to happen. Although, even when the desired goal happens, that goal causes more bad things than good; this is also self-defeating behavior.
Social psychologists have been studying and learning self-defeating behavior for the past 30 years. They have discovered numerous things that can lead to self-defeating behaviors. However, psychologists still want to learn more about what these behaviors have in common, and how to reduce the effects of these behaviors.
Common Types of Self-Defeating Behaviors
Listed below are examples of self-defeating behaviors.
Avoidance
The behavior of avoidance is shown when you dodge certain people and situations to prevent feelings of hurt or pain. There is logic to avoidance behaviors in the short-term. If you don’t get involved, you can’t lose, however, you can’t win if you don’t even try.
Perfectionist
Perfectionists want to accomplish things perfectly, despite it being impossible to be 100% right, 100% of the time. It is not unusual for a person with low self-esteem to show patterns of perfectionist behavior. They justify that being perfect will make everything okay. In reality, trying to do everything perfectly can bring a lot of stress and anxiety, lowering self-esteem even more.
For example, say you are very concerned about your appearance. So, you spend a lot of time getting ready. When friends ask you to participate in sports or going to the beach, you make excuses. You fear others might look at you in the way of being less than perfect.
Hiding
When a person is embarrassed or ashamed to show their true self, they might demonstrate hiding behaviors. They may hide certain parts of their behavior, such as their sexuality, personality, or appearance, and try to cover it up. By engaging in hiding behaviors, people feel like they fit in with everyone.
Passive
People who show passive behavior believe that others around them are more worthy and do not stand up for their rights. They are the people who are hunched over in the corner of the room with their arms crossed. Passive behaviors demonstrate being quiet even when you have something to say, staying away from tension, agreeing when you don’t really, and apologizing without reason.
Attention-Seeking
When a person constantly has to seek approval from others, they are demonstrating attention-seeking behavior. This happens when they have low self-esteem and are very concerned about receiving positive feedback from others around them.
Aggressive
Aggressive behavior is used as a defense mechanism to shield others from their low self-esteem. This self-defensive type of behavior can include physical aggression, as well as yelling, bullying, and demeaning others.
Alcohol or Drug Abuse
Drug and alcohol abuse is another self-defeating behavior.
For addicts, and sometimes non-addicts, substance use is a trade-off. A person trades off the risks of using drugs and alcohol for the temporary benefits it brings. Typically in the long-term, the risks will outweigh the temporary benefits.
Suicide
Suicide is viewed as self-defeating or counterproductive behavior. A person commits suicide to escape from the negativity in their life. They trade off the fear of death and the good things in life, to no longer feel pain. Suicide is counterproductive in the way that ending their life will allow them to reach a certain goal, of not having problems.
More self-defeating behaviors include:
- Physical/mental neglect
- Self-criticism
- Self-pity
- Procrastination
- Comparing yourself to others
- Risky sexual behaviors
- Refusing help
- Overspending
- Relationship sabotage
- Over/Undereating
- Self-injurious behaviors
What’s Wrong With These Behaviors?
Patterns of self-defeating behaviors are not only damaging to the person doing them, but also to the others around them.
These behaviors are a temporary solution to problems and can be harmful if continued in the long run.
If you want to get rid of these behavior habits, the first step is to recognize them. Once you see them, write them down along with the pros and cons of each one. It is important to think about the long-term and short-term effects of each behavior.
After recognition, the next step is to pick out one you want to challenge yourself with to make a change. For instance, if you recognize that you show passive behaviors towards your friends, perhaps be the one to invite them to go out. Otherwise, say no when they ask you to do something that you don’t really want to do.
Get Help Today
Whether a person is showing self-destructive behavior with aggression, hiding, or even substance abuse, it is crucial to recognize the signs so that they can be changed.
If you or someone you love is battling a drug or alcohol addiction, seek help before their self-destructive behavior worsens.
At Healthy Life Recovery, our recovery staff provides individualized treatment plans, because we know no two battles are the same. Call our San Diego rehab today to get started with your journey to recovery.
Types and types of self-destructive behavior of students
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Self-destructive behavior is characteristic of people who are prone to very violent self-destruction in order to attract attention: suicide attempts, dangerous sex, spectacular car accidents, self-mutilation, anorexia and bulimia, drunk driving, public drug use and fits of rage.
Bad habits are hard to get rid of. Sometimes it even seems that we have two brains: one wants only good, and the other is desperately resisting in an unconscious attempt to maintain the state of things. New knowledge about how our brain works makes it possible to understand this duality of personality, give guidance for action and hope that we will be able to overcome our own fears and internal resistance.
Psychotherapists help a lot of people, but there are still too many dissatisfied clients who didn't get what they came for. However, there are plenty of reasons to find hope now. When combined, different areas of psychology and brain science can give you a guide to freeing yourself from self-destructive habits that interfere with life.
Models of self-destructive behavior
- Internet addiction
- Overeating
- Social isolation
- Gambling
- Obvious lie
- Inactivity
- Self-sacrifice
- Overwork (from overwork)
- Suicidal acts
- Anorexia/bulimia
- Incapacity for self-expression
- Video game and sports addiction
- Theft and kleptomania
- Failure to prioritize (too many tasks in the to-do list)
- Attraction to "wrong" people
- Avoiding opportunities to express one's talents
- Tendency to remain in an unfavorable situation (work, relationships)
- Antisocial behavior
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- Inability to handle money; growing debts, inability to save
- Self-treatment
- Cruel, selfish, thoughtless behavior
- Self-mutilation
- Chronic disorganization
- Stupid pride
- Attention avoidance
- Perfectionism
- Inability to start looking for a job
- Toadying; manipulative behavior in order to obtain love
- Excessively high standards (of self or others)
- Fraud, theft
- Procrastination (procrastination)
- Neglect of one's own health
- Alcohol or drug abuse
- Chronic tardiness
- Inattention to others
- Poor sleep habits
- Carelessness
- Inability to relax
- Smoking
- Reluctance to ask for help
- Silent Suffering
- Addiction to fashion
- promiscuity; casual sex without relationship
- Pointless battles with people in positions of power
- TV addiction
- Excessive shyness
- Risk appetite
- Shopping as a treatment for depression
- Computer game addiction
- Prone to vagrancy, begging
- Increased anxiety
- Sex addiction
- Choosing the role of a martyr
- Dispute actions
- Dangerous driving propensity
- Shoplifting
- Sexual degradation
- The tendency to spoil everything just when everything is good
- Perseverance beyond common sense
- Excessive accumulation
Rigid self-destruction
Once I met a woman who was the epitome of motherhood, just a super mom.
She constantly messed around with a bunch of children, was on the parent council, was always running around the shops, washing, cleaning, cooking, was an activist in the church community, never complained and seemed happy.
When she found out that her husband had a connection on the side, she tried to poison herself with exhaust gas in her garage. I think she has been a "good girl" all her life, trying to please everyone and expecting good behavior to be rewarded.
When she discovered that her husband was deceiving her, she brought down all her anger on herself (and along the way on the whole family). After returning home from the hospital, she noticed that no one sympathized with her and did not offer help. Instead, everyone was just waiting for her to return to her role as a caring housewife.
A few days later she made another suicide attempt. Suicide was the only effective way for her to express her despair. In the end, she left her husband, significantly complicating her existence, but the children stopped taking her for granted, and this saved her life.
People who have self-destructive behavior provoke others to be asked to stop, and then continue again and again.
They are often diagnosed with bipolar disorder or borderline conditions. They usually push people away, but are often charming or manipulative, and can be truly creative, so others are able to fall under their influence.
Such people often experience loneliness and emptiness deep inside. Amy Winehouse* seemed like a classic example of the borderline pushed to the extreme, and her father referred to her as a manic-depressive. However, these are simplified explanations: everyone could hear genuine pain in her voice, and when she was left alone for a long time, Amy died.
For people like Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain**, David Wallace***, Amy Winehouse, Marilyn Monroe, loneliness seemed to be fatal: as soon as they remained even for a minute without support, did something rash or fell into depression.
I recently met a young woman who worked at one of the most prestigious preparatory schools in the country.
Since she had an episode of "cutting" as a teenager, she had a special flair for such behavior in her students. The woman said that she watched as one young student had a lively conversation with the dean and waved her hands, revealing fresh razor cuts on her arms. The dean, not noticing these cuts, continued the conversation.
I've always found it strange that throwing a red flag is perceived simply as an attraction. If someone is seeking attention, it may mean that he or she is not getting it, or not getting it the way he or she would like.
One long-term study of patients hospitalized after intentional self-mutilation (suicide attempts, cuts, etc.) showed that after six years, almost 60% of them continued to self-harm.
Another survey of young drivers with a history of self-harm found an extremely high risk of car crashes, with 85% of them involving another vehicle. Those who care about the fate of these people find themselves in a very difficult position, because they are faced with a sequence of critical situations, and the help they can offer does not bring tangible results.
Those who throw away the red signal flag abuse their kind participation.
In the end, some begin to understand that since nothing can solve their inner torment, they themselves must learn to control themselves in order to use what life offers them.
Footnotes
* Amy Winehouse (Amy Jade Winehouse, 1983-2011) - English singer and songwriter; died at the age of 27 from a drug overdose.
** Kurt Cobain (Kurt Donald Cobain, 1967-1994) - American musician, leader of the Nirvana band; committed suicide at the age of 27.
*** David Foster Wallace (1962-2008) - American writer and philosopher; committed suicide at the age of 46.
Destructive actions
A person with a red flag wants unconditional, healing, ideal love, and these are infantile expectations and unfair demands.
When these people get married, the partner takes on an overwhelming burden. Sometimes a partner is simply being naive, believing that true love will cope with all problems.
And sometimes the needs of the spouses complement each other: she needs salvation, and he needs to be a savior.
I know a man who married a woman with a chronic mental disorder, well aware of this usually unconscious agreement. However, the couple lived together for 40 years, and they had good times. His wife's condition stabilized and became predictable. He may not have realized his need to be a martyr, but this relationship suited them.
However, more often the caring partner loses strength, and the partner with a signal flag, feeling a weakening interest in himself, tightens the requirements.
Divorce is the usual outcome, but sometimes it helps the "signalman" see the light and begin to take on more responsibility.
Red flag teenagers sometimes act out the forbidden desires of their parents. If parents are so limited that they cannot recognize the shadow of their own self, their children can do it for them with the help of projective identification.
This often happens with sexuality: inflexible and sanctimonious parents, who have difficulty accepting their own sexual needs, can send their children the message that there is a forbidden fruit, that is, something seductive.
Mothers who have given birth to children in their teens do not want the same fate for their daughters. However, they may unconsciously send them the message that mom is the only thing in life.
Fathers who feel like victims of life circumstances unconsciously encourage the aggression of their sons. The child can get caught by the police or become pregnant, and the whole family will become involved in what Eric Byrne * years ago called the game of "Noise". Someone's forbidden desires cause general excitement, nothing is decided, and the game can continue indefinitely.
Hidden behind the red flag is the fear of a direct call for attention because of the possibility of being rejected, instead people manipulate others to get what they think they want.
But attention is never enough, because unconsciously a person feels that it was received under duress.
The red-flagged "Signal Man" gets only brief satisfaction from this imperfect attention, and the cycle repeats. They need to master communication skills and willpower.
Footnote
* Eric Berne, 1910-1970 (Eric Lennard Berne) - American psychologist and psychiatrist; author of transactional and scenario analysis; author of the best-selling book Games People Play (The Psychology of Human Relations) (1964).
Self-destruction hidden from prying eyes
As we have said, others are waving the red flag in a much more covert manner. If the issue is about getting attention, these people become doubly self-destructive: they secretly hope that someone will notice these destructive actions and make them stop, but at the same time carefully hide their provocative actions.
The young dominatrix I mentioned also cut herself several times, but she was careful to do it so that the scars were almost invisible. These people lead themselves into a dead end or find themselves desperately lonely and isolated. They can be very successful, earn a lot of money, seek recognition for their creative abilities, but they never manage to relax or allow others to approach them.
Or vice versa, they may not be successful, because they always score the ball into their own goal and also end up in a dead end. They are prime candidates for heart attacks. And the first step to recovery is drastic change; and if they are lucky enough to receive good treatment, there will be a chance to change their lives.
Jin got herself into terrible trouble because she was good at creating a semblance of well-being by covering up the consequences of her dangerous behavior. In high school, she began to take hard drugs, but for the most part she continued to study with honors.
She was chosen as the student representative for the student council, and she also did a great job in this role. Jean loved her parents, but was very angry with them because they did not want to see the conflict in the family (mainly with Jean's sister, who bullied and tormented her). In addition, she suffered from acne, which caused hatred for her appearance, which her parents also knew very well. During her high school years, she continued to abuse drugs and do dangerous things without anyone noticing. It only confirmed her belief that deep inside her something was wrong and therefore she did not deserve the attention of others. She took every high appraisal or recognition of merit as a fool: if only people knew who she really was, they would hate her (as she hated herself).
Jin went to a good college, but was sexually assaulted by a man she thought was her friend and fell apart. She became very depressed, had several suicide attempts, and was hospitalized several times; she went through electroconvulsive therapy.
I met Jean when she returned home and lived with her parents, who eventually took notice of her. She went with the flow without a rudder or sails, without any hopes or goals, and still suffered from depression.
We have developed a powerful therapeutic bond, in part because I explained to Jean the roots of her problem: loving her parents and being resentful and angry at them at the same time. I did not treat her as a sick or dangerous patient, I simply listened to her with respect and special attention. I became convinced that she was a very intelligent and insightful person, and in many respects I agreed with her views on life. No one had ever said such words to her before and treated her so kindly. We worked with her for six years. For the first few years, she continued her self-destructive behavior (drugs, dangerous acquaintances), but gradually began to slow down. She no longer made any suicidal attempts, although she continued to be in deep anguish and at times felt hopeless.
It helped us that she managed to find a very successful job, which allowed her to gain more confidence in herself and responsibility. She graduated from college in three years while still working, and then entered graduate school, where she showed her outstanding talents.
This way of waving red flags without being noticed is especially dangerous: it is self-destructive behavior hidden from prying eyes . I have seen this in many gifted people (like Gene) with ambivalence about their talents.
On the one hand, they are proud of themselves, but on the other hand, they do not tolerate attention well. They feel that some aspect of their personality is drawing attention, and this is not the same as the unconditional love that they need. As a result, their anger only provokes a challenge to the whole world: I dare to open myself to you; I risk getting your help.
Of course, it is useful for people waving a red signal flag to learn self-control: it is necessary for any owner of bad habits.
