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Vyvanse making my child emotionally


Common Vyvanse side effects in children

Facing a decision on whether to start your child on any daily medication is difficult. When your decision involves seeking medical advice for an attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) medicine like Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate), misconceptions, stigma, and fear of side effects combine to make it a real quandary for parents. On one side, ADHD symptoms can be incredibly detrimental. Inattentiveness, impulsivity, and restlessness are often coupled with difficulty being organized and regulating emotions and behavior. These symptoms result in poor performance in school and sometimes trouble maintaining social relationships. In these circumstances, treatment with medications, specifically central nervous system stimulants, can really help. Vyvanse is a member of this drug class and has some advantages over better known brand names like Adderall (dextroamphetamine and amphetamine), Ritalin (methylphenidate), and Concerta (methylphenidate). Knowing the potential adverse effects of Vyvanse is an important element of making an informed decision as a parent advocating for your child. We will review the side effects here.

RELATED: Vyvanse discounts | What is Vyvanse?

ADHD in children

While all kids can have short attention spans and excess activity, impairment with functioning at school or socially is what separates those with ADHD. The disorder has a lifetime prevalence in U.S. children of 11%. Over time, many children and adolescents learn strategies to better cope with ADHD, but most will still have some symptoms in adulthood, at which point the prevalence of the disorder is 4.4%.

Successful treatment can be life-changing for children. Changes in the classroom, counseling, and behavioral therapy are all helpful options to treat ADHD. Medications are very effective and generally safe. CNS stimulants are by far the most common drug treatment for ADHD, but selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) like Strattera (atomoxetine) and Qelbree (viloxazine) as well as alpha-2-adrenergic agonist like Intuniv (guanfacine) are alternatives.

Comparisons can be made among the CNS stimulant medications. Amphetamines like Vyvanse are the most effective, with a slight advantage over methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta), but they have a slightly higher likelihood of side effects. Vyvanse has some advantages over its cousins. By being a prodrug of dextroamphetamine, Vyvanse is inactive until it is metabolized by the body. The resultant slower onset of action may translate to lower abuse potential since it is less enjoyable to stimulant abusers. Another advantage is the availability of a chewable tablet formulation of Vyvanse, which may appeal to younger children who cannot or do not want to swallow a capsule. However, it is only approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for adults and children aged 6 and older.

What are common Vyvanse side effects in children?

  • Anorexia (reduced appetite) or weight loss
  • Dry mouth
  • Jitteriness, tremor, or anxiety
  • Insomnia or nightmares
  • Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, gastroenteritis, or abdominal pain
  • Heart rate or blood pressure elevation
  • Agitation or rapidly changing mood
  • Impotence or priapism (painful, prolonged erection)
  • Rash
  • Dizziness
  • Increase in tic frequency
  • Shortness of breath
  • Urinary tract infection
  • Mouth or throat pain
  • Fever
  • Sleepiness
  • Abnormal sensations
  • Visual disturbance

Loss of appetite

Loss of appetite is the most common side effect in children, with 34% experiencing this issue compared to 3% of those taking placebo (an inactive pill for comparison in studies). In fact, Vyvanse is also approved for the treatment of binge eating disorder in those ages 18 and older. The severity of appetite reduction can be significant and associated with weight loss in 10% of pediatric users. Learning this can set off alarm bells for parents, but keep in mind that growth effects are not extreme. If growth is slowed at all, there may be catch-up growth with continued use or after discontinuation. A study on stimulant use actually showed no difference in growth or adult height, but another study showed a difference after 16 years of consistent use. Monitoring height and weight is essential during treatment with Vyvanse or other CNS stimulants. Note: Vyvanse is not approved to be used for weight loss or to treat obesity.

Mood changes

Parents frequently worry that their children will not be themselves while on medication, that their personalities will be lost, that they will withdraw, or that they will act like ‘zombies’.  Reassurance can come from knowing that studies have shown a low rate of mood changes in children on Vyvanse. In a study looking at rebound symptoms of ADHD later in the day after Vyvanse wears off, about 3% of children had recurrent symptoms along with emotional lability (rapid mood changes) when the drug wore off. Irritability has been a more frequently reported issue, noted to occur in 10% of children on Vyvanse in one study. Having your eyes open for these adverse or worsening effects and reporting them to the healthcare professional is appropriate.

Vyvanse and cardiac side effects

The list of adverse effects is a lot for parents to take in. When heart rate and blood pressure is mentioned, concerns arise for cardiovascular health. Fortunately, a study on this matter found no association with CNS stimulants and serious cardiovascular events such as sudden death in children. The healthcare provider can be expected to ask questions about any family history of childhood heart disease and to monitor heart rate and blood pressure before and during treatment with any ADHD medication. Call your child’s doctor immediately if your child experiences chest pain, shortness of breath, or fainting while taking Vyvanse.

Vyvanse abuse and dependence

The FDA has the highest level of warning label, a black box warning, on all CNS stimulants, including Vyvanse. The message is to be aware of the potential for abuse and dependence with this class of medication. The prevalence of this issue with Vyvanse in children is not known. Of note, it is not uncommon for people to use CNS stimulant pills in order to misuse them to get high. One review reported that 16% to 29% of students were asked to give, sell, or trade their medication. This report also noted that 5% to 9% of grade school- and high school-age children have used stimulant pills in the past year that were not prescribed for them, and the number rose to 5% to 35% in college. Parents must be aware of this possibility.

RELATED: Preventing teen prescription abuse

How to help children cope with Vyvanse side effects

Prevention is often the best method of limiting the adverse effects from Vyvanse.

1. Give children the correct dosage

Your child should take the medication exactly as prescribed by the healthcare provider. When taking Vyvanse, always follow the instructions from your prescribing doctor and the medication guide. The drug is available in capsule form from 10 mg to 70 mg and chewable tablet form from 10 mg to 60 mg. Vyvanse is usually started at a dose of 20 to 30 mg per day and can be gradually increased under the direction of the prescribing healthcare professional, up to a maximum of 70 mg per day if necessary. 

Have your child take the medicine first thing in the morning to avoid sleep problems. It can be taken with or without food. If swallowing capsules is a problem, the capsules can be opened and poured onto food, into a beverage such as orange juice, or the healthcare provider can change the prescription to chewable tablets.

RELATED: Signs your Vyvanse dose is too high

2. Have a balanced meal plan

You should prepare your child for the possibility of having less of an appetite. This is most often noted at lunch, because the medication’s effect is peaking. If breakfast is eaten at the time of Vyvanse dosing and supper is eaten in the evening, the effects of appetite loss may be minimized. Healthy snacks can also make up for a lighter lunch.

3. Be aware of interactions

Before your child starts Vyvanse, you should sit down with the prescriber and fully review the list of your child’s other prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, and supplements. This is important because several medications can interact with Vyvanse, and mental health problems can coexist with ADHD. 

There is a significant incidence of coinciding depression and ADHD, and some antidepressant drugs can increase side effects of Vyvanse. For example, in combination with Vyvanse, Effexor XR (venlafaxine) can increase blood pressure, Wellbutrin XL (bupropion) can heighten seizure risk, and Zoloft (sertraline) can cause serotonin syndrome. Based on a high risk of serotonin syndrome, monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) like linezolid and selegiline should not be used within 14 days of Vyvanse. These are only a few of the potential drug interactions with Vyvanse.

4. Discuss your family’s health history with your child’s provider

After reviewing your child’s medication list with your child’s doctor, go over your child’s medical history as well. Heart defects and other heart problems are a contraindication to the use of Vyvanse.  A history of hypertension (high blood pressure), circulation problems, seizures, or mental health problems like psychosis or bipolar disorder are reasons to be cautious when deciding whether to start a CNS stimulant.

Vyvanse is a controlled substance. If there is a strong family history of drug abuse, you should fully discuss the risk of stimulant abuse with the healthcare professional. 

Children with Tourette Syndrome or other tic disorders may note an increase in tic frequency, so preparing your child or choosing an alternative drug class may be worthwhile.

Always ask your doctor about potential allergic reactions.

5.

Do not suddenly stop giving children Vyvanse

Based on ineffectiveness, adverse effects, or simply a change of heart, you might change your mind about having your child take Vyvanse. If this happens, contact the healthcare provider and discuss how best to stop the medication. Withdrawal symptoms or serious side effects may occur with a sudden stop of Vyvanse.

The stakes are often high in parenthood, and this is no exception. Facing decisions about your child’s ADHD treatment can be daunting. If you take the time to educate yourself on the benefits and risks of medications like Vyvanse, you can make the best choice for your family.

Problems with Sleep, Appetite, Tics

The right ADHD medication can make life much easier for children and adults who have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD). But ADHD medications can also make things worse and cause severe side effects, including headaches, sleep problems, and a blunted appetite.

Some people (including more than a few doctors) seem to assume that ADHD medication side effects are merely the price to pay for taking a prescription. I couldn’t disagree more. No one should have to put up with side effects of ADHD meds. Often, a simple adjustment in the way a medication is used is all it takes to remedy the problem.

In this article, I’ll explain the strategies that I’ve found particularly effective at controlling ADHD medication side effects in children — which, by the way, also work for adults with ADHD. Try the strategies with your own child, or yourself. Tell your doctor what you are doing — to see what additional help he or she can provide.

What Are the ADHD Medication Side Effects for Stimulants?

Methylphenidate (Ritalin), dextro-amphetamine (Dexedrine, Evekeo), and dextro-amphetamine/levo-amphetamine (Adderall, Adzenys) have similar side-effect profiles, and the strategies that curb side effects for one medication generally work for the other two, as well.

Side Effect: Loss of Appetite

Along with difficulty falling asleep at night (see below), loss of appetite is the most common side effect of stimulant meds. This problem often clears up on its own within a few weeks, so I usually recommend a wait-and-see approach. If the problem persists, don’t delay taking action — especially if the appetite loss is severe enough to trigger decrease in total body mass, or, in a growing child, failure to grow appropriately.

[Get This Free Resource: A Parent’s Guide to ADHD Medications]

First, observe your child’s eating patterns. Breakfast often goes well because the first dose of the day hasn’t yet kicked in. Lunch is likely to be a lost cause, nutrition-wise. Ditto for dinner. Your child probably becomes very hungry around 8:00 p.m., when the evening dose wears off.

There may be little you can do to boost your child’s appetite in the middle of the day (when medication is at maximum effectiveness). So instead of worrying about what gets eaten at lunch, create nutritional “windows of opportunity” at other times of the day.

For example, get a good, healthful breakfast into your child before the first dose of the day kicks in. Hold off on the 4:00 p.m. dose until 5:00 or 6:00 p.m. (During this time, you’ll have to provide more structure and supervision — and don’t expect homework to be done.) Your child’s appetite may return in time for dinner. Then give the third dose.

Does your child eat lots of sweets? If so, getting him to cut back should boost his appetite for more nutritious fare.

[Read: The Sugar Wars: How Food Impacts ADHD Symptoms]

Another way to make sure your child is getting adequate nutrition is to offer a food supplement drink instead of nutritionally empty snacks — or in place of a meal that is likely to go uneaten. These tasty beverages, such as Pediasure and Ensure, come in different flavors. They can be made into milk shakes or frozen to make pops.

If these approaches don’t work, ask your doctor about trying a different stimulant. For reasons that remain poorly understood, some children who experience a loss of appetite while taking one stimulant medication experience no such loss on another.

If switching stimulants doesn’t help, ask your doctor about moving on to a non-stimulant.

Side Effect: Sleeplessness

For some kids, difficulty falling asleep is truly a side effect of stimulant medication. But other kids are kept awake at night by a lack of medication. That is, once the last dose of the day wears off, these children return to “being” ADHD. They feel restless, hear every sound, and find it impossible to “turn off” their brain.

There’s no easy way to tell which of these scenarios explains your child’s sleep problem. To find out, you’ll have to do a little trial-and-error: Pick an evening when sleeplessness is unlikely to prove disastrous (that is, when your child can sleep late the following morning). Have your child take an additional dose of her usual stimulant around 8:00 p.m.

If your child goes right to sleep, it’s a safe bet that her sleeplessness has been caused by a lack of medication. You should be able to remedy this problem simply by continuing with the extra evening dose.

Sometimes even the stimulant medications are not strong enough to overcome the severe restlessness that sometimes comes with ADHD.  The standard response when this happens is to directly lower the hyperarousal component of ADHD using medications called alpha agonists.  The medications guanfacine and clonidine are FDA-approved to lower the hyper-active component of ADHD and can be very effective for both hyperarousal during the day and sleep problems at night. Talk with your clinician about whether a trial on an alpha agonist might be helpful.

What if the sleep problem persists? See what happens if you reduce the 4:00 p.m. dose or give it up entirely. Of course, this might cause your child’s ADHD symptoms to flare up in the evening. If so, ask the doctor about trying a non-stimulant medication.

Some people with ADHD have a paradoxical or reverse response to stimulant medications.  Instead of being further revved up, the stimulant medications shut off the mental and physical restlessness caused by ADHD and allow normal sleep.   Many ADHD clinicians suggest a trial after the optimal dose of medication by asking the patient to nap about 30 minutes later.  People with ADHD who cannot normally nap during the day may find that stimulant medication turns off the chatter in their heads and allows them to fall asleep. For these patients, it is clear that the ADHD medication helps with ADHD-based sleep problems rather than making sleep more difficult. The person may still have difficulty with sleep, but the cause is not the stimulant medication.

Side Effect: Stomachaches or Headaches

No one knows why stimulants cause these problems in some children and adults. But often it’s helpful if the patient eats something before taking the pill. If the problem persists, it may be necessary to try a non-stimulant medication.

Side Effect: Tics

These sudden, involuntary muscular contractions typically involve the eyes, face, mouth, neck, or shoulders. If the muscles in the throat are involved, the tic might cause sniffing, humming, or coughing. In many cases, children start experiencing tics shortly after starting on a particular medication.

The medication that is the most potent trigger for tics is not an ADHD stimulant, but rather caffeine.  If a tic develops, many clinicians do nothing for two weeks since the natural history of tics is to come and go on a 2-week cycle. During that two weeks caffeine is removed from the diet (coffee, tea, energy drinks, No-Doz, etc.).  More than half of people will lose their tics.  If dietary manipulation is not successful, a trial on clonidine that is FDA-approved for both ADHD and tics can often lower the tic to the point that it is no longer disruptive or embarrassing.

If tics continue, stop the medication and try another one. In most cases, the tics will go away within several weeks. If there is a family history of tic disorder, however, the tics may not go away. (That’s why doctors generally avoid giving stimulant meds to kids with a family history of tics.)

Side Effect: Emotional Problems

When the dosage is too high, stimulants can cause children or even adults to seem “spacey” or “zombie-like,” or to be uncharacteristically tearful or irritable (a condition known as emotional lability). In general, the best way to rein in these side effects is simply to lower the dosage.

If reducing the dosage causes your or your child’s ADHD symptoms to reemerge, ask your doctor about trying another stimulant; just because one stimulant causes emotional problems doesn’t mean that others will. If all stimulants cause problems, you’ll have to move on to a non-stimulant.

Side Effect: Rebound

Some children experience 30 to 60 minutes of hyperactivity, impulsivity, and nonstop talking a half hour or so after the last dose of the day wears off. You may be able to avoid this problem by reducing this last dose.

Another helpful strategy is to add another short-acting dose to the regimen at 4:00 or 8:00 p.m. If this additional evening dose fails to help — or if it causes sleep problems — it’s probably best to switch your child to a non-stimulant medication.

Side Effect: Anxiety/Depression

25 studies of childhood comorbidity of ADHD and anxiety showed that anxiety improved when a stimulant to treat the ADHD was added.   Stimulants are similarly added to augment treatment for depression in some cases.  In some cases, however, stimulants may worsen mania and that of a psychosis of unknown etiology in which case stimulant medication should be stopped.

What Are the Side Effects of ADHD Non-Stimulant Medications?

If stimulants cannot be used because their side effects prove uncontrollable, consider using one of the non-stimulant medications. Some patients experience side effects on both stimulants and non-stimulants. In this case, combining much smaller doses of a stimulant and a non-stimulant might be the solution.

Tricyclic Antidepressants

Along with bupropion (Wellbutrin), three tricyclics are used to treat ADHD: Imipramine (Tofranil), desipramine (Norpramine), and nortriptyline (Pamelor). However, the effect size for these medications is barely detectable and for this and the high side effect burden described below these medications are not optimum for ADHD treatment.

Fatigue is the most frequent side effect of these four drugs. Fortunately, this problem typically diminishes over the first several weeks. If not, ask your doctor about reducing the daily dosage, or dividing one large dose into three smaller doses — one to be taken in the morning, another at about 4:00 p.m., and the third at bedtime. If divided doses don’t help, your doctor may wish to prescribe another tricyclic.

Bupropion and the tricyclics can also cause constipation, dry mouth, or blurred vision. These “cholinergic” effects often respond to symptomatic treatment. That is, eating high-fiber foods or taking a fiber supplement might eliminate constipation, throat lozenges might help moisten a dry mouth, and so on.

If these approaches fail, try another medication. Unlike the stimulant medications, tricyclic medications must be tapered off slowly. Stopping abruptly can cause aches and other flu-like symptoms.

Very rarely, these medications cause the patient to wake up at 4:00 to 5:00 a.m. and be unable to go back to sleep. If reducing the evening dose or giving it a bit earlier fails to ease this “early morning wakefulness,” try another non-stimulant medication.

In some children, tricyclics can affect brain wave activity. If your child has a seizure disorder, a tricyclic might exacerbate the problem. Discuss this matter with your doctor before starting your child on a tricyclic.

Tricyclics have also been known to affect the electrical conduction pattern within the heart, triggering a rapid pulse. The Am Acad. of Pediatrics recommends that a child have an ECG before starting a Tricyclic Antidepressant and another ECG one month after achieving a steady blood level.  If you are concerned, discuss this with your family doctor.

Alph agonists

The blood-pressure drugs clonidine (Catepres) and guanfacine (Tenex) help control impulsivity in certain people with ADHD.  The alpha agonists compliment the stimulants and are usually added to a finely tuned stimulant rather tha used as a stand-alone medication. The alpha agonists lowering hyperarousal that is manifested both in physical behavior and in the mental hyperarousal that is experienced as having multiple simultaneous thought constantly.   Finally, they can also be very effective for emotional over-reaction and vulnerability to rejection and criticism.

However, these alpha agonists can cause daytime sedation. If this occurs, reducing the dose or spreading it out over the day may solve the problem. If not, ask your doctor about trying another non-stimulant medication.

Atomoxetine (Strattera)

It can cause stomachaches, decreased appetite, nausea, vomiting, dizziness, fatigue, and mood swings. These problems often go away over time. If not, try lowering the dosage or replacing a once-a-day dosing regimen with several smaller doses during the day.

If these steps fail, try a different non-stimulant medication.

Side Effects of ADHD Medication: Next Steps

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  • Watch: 5 Common Side Effects of ADHD Medications — and Fixes
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The key to raising an emotionally developed child


Irina Balmanzhi

Over the past decade, scientists have found that success and happiness in all areas of life, including family relationships, is determined by awareness of one's emotions and the ability to cope with one's feelings.

This quality is called "emotional intelligence". From the point of view of education, it means that parents should understand the feelings of their children, be able to sympathize with them, calm them down and gently guide them. nine0004

Emotional educators teach the child how to deal with ups and downs. They allow him to express his negative emotions. They use emotional moments to teach him important life lessons and build a closer relationship with him.

In The Child's Emotional Intelligence, psychologist John Gottman explains what is "normal" and what issues are important at different ages. This information will allow you to better understand the feelings of your children and increase the effectiveness of emotional education. nine0004

First months



Child's emotional intelligence
When does a child's emotional relationship with parents begin? Some believe that in the womb, when the child feels her excitement or, conversely, calmness. Others - that immediately after birth, when his parents feed him, rock him to sleep and soothe him. Still others believe that this magical moment occurs a few weeks after birth, when the child for the first time truly smiles at his mother or father.

But most parents would agree that the real fun begins around three months of age, when babies develop an interest in social interaction.

No matter how small a three-month-old baby, by observing and imitating, he acquires a huge amount of knowledge how to understand and express emotions. This means that by showing responsiveness and attention, parents can begin an active process of emotional education of their children.

Typically, parents go to great lengths to get and keep their babies' attention in the early stages of emotional communication. For example, parents often use the speech pattern described as "mother language" (although dads can speak it fluently). nine0004

It includes raising the voice and slow repeated repetitions, accompanied by exaggerated facial expressions. Such a conversation with a child may seem ridiculous and excessive, but parents use it for a reason - it works! When infants are interacted with in this way, they perk up and pay closer attention to the adult.


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Most parents also have non-verbal "talks" with their babies. For example, a child sticks out his tongue - and the mother does the same. The baby coos or gurgles - the mother repeats the sound using the same pitch or rhythm. nine0004

Imitative talk is very important because it tells the child that the parent is paying close attention to him and responding to his feelings. At such moments, for the first time, the baby feels that the other person understands him, and this lays the foundation for an emotional connection.

As children learn to recognize and imitate their parents' emotional cues, they develop another important developmental component: the ability to regulate the physiological arousal that results from social contact. Many psychologists believe that children do this by alternating phases of active communication. For some time they pay close attention to others and respond to their game, and then turn away and ignore any adult attempts to entertain them with toys. nine0004

Parents are puzzled by this variability, but there is some evidence that the child switches off because he needs to. For example, he may feel an increase in heart rate, and this physiological state suppresses him. Therefore, the child averts his eyes, turns his head away and does everything possible to avoid further contact. This is how he learns to calm down.

Advice to those who want to raise a child properly: pay attention and respond to the baby's moods. nine0004

If your child suddenly stops playing, give him time to rest. If he starts acting up in a situation where there is a lot of talk around and he is often picked up, take him to a separate room where he can calm down.

If the child cannot calm himself, do everything you can to help him. You have to try and fail until you find the strategy that best suits your child's temperament. Common methods include dimming lights, motion sickness, and gentle conversation. nine0004

Those parents who understand that children need to switch from active stimulation to more quiet activities increase the emotional intelligence of their children more effectively.

Parents who help children cope with feelings of discomfort teach them important lessons. Firstly, children learn that their strong negative emotions affect the world around them (parents react to crying), and secondly, that having experienced a strong emotion, you can calm down.

Six to eight months

For babies, this is a period of great exploration, a time when they discover a vast world of objects, people and places. At the same time, they find new ways to express themselves and share feelings such as joy, curiosity, fear, and disappointment with the world around them. This opens up new possibilities for emotional education.

One of the important developmental leaps that usually occur by six months is the ability of the child to switch attention, keeping in mind the image of an object or person that he no longer looks at. nine0004

In the past, he could only think about the object or person on which his attention was focused. Now he can look at the toy clown with pleasure, and then look at his parents to see if they share his pleasure.

To stimulate the development of emotional intelligence, respond to your child's suggestions to play with objects and imitate his emotional reactions. He will increasingly share his feelings and emotions with you.


Retrieved

By eight months, babies usually begin to crawl and explore their immediate surroundings. They already distinguish between the people they encounter, along with this, the first fears appear. Most likely, it is at this time that you will notice the first cases of "anxiety because of someone else. " Just yesterday, the child smiled at strangers at the checkout in the store, and now he hides his face, buried in his mother's shoulder.

Between six and eight months, the baby begins to understand the words you speak much better. And although there are still a few months left before he speaks, the baby already understands a lot and fulfills such requests as: "Go get a polar bear and bring it to me." nine0004

All of these new abilities—physical mobility and the ability to switch attention, the child’s special attachment to parents, understanding of spoken language, and fear of the unknown—appear together with a skill that psychologists call “response to social signals”: ​​a child, faced with a certain object or phenomenon, turns to parents for emotional information.

For example, approaching an unfamiliar dog, he may hear his mother say: “No, don’t go there!” He already knows how to understand the combination of the mother's words, her tone of voice and facial expression and concludes that his action is potentially dangerous. Or, heading towards a robot that makes loud noises, he can look back at his mother and see that she is smiling. So the child understands that the robot is safe and can be played with. nine0004

Parents occupy a unique place in the child's emotional life: they become a "criterion of his safety", so the child explores the world around him more actively. He knows he can trust parental cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.

To strengthen the emotional connection with infants of this age, you must become a mirror for your children, that is, return to them the feelings that they express.

It is equally important to help the child learn the names of his feelings. Watch your child closely and don't forget to say things like, "You're sad (fun, scared, etc.) right now, aren't you?" or: “You are very tired. Would you like to sit on my lap for a while?" If you correctly recognized his feelings, he will understand you and show it. nine0004

Be prepared for the fact that you will not always understand your child, but do not worry: this is normal, and children, fortunately, are very tolerant. Remember that your baby is looking at you and waiting for emotional signals from you.

Nine to twelve months

This is the period when children begin to understand that people can share their thoughts and feelings. For example, handing a broken toy to dad and hearing from him: “Oh, the balloon burst. This is very bad. You're sad, aren't you?" the child realizes that his father knows how he feels. nine0004

Now he understands that he and his dad can have the same thoughts and feelings and that he can share them with his parents. This undoubtedly strengthens the emerging emotional bond between parents and the child.

At the same time, the child begins to realize that the people and objects in his life have a certain permanence. For example, a baby understands that if a ball rolls under a chair and is not visible, this does not mean that it does not exist; if mom left the room and does not hear me, she remains a part of my world and will return soon. nine0004

An emerging understanding of the permanence of objects and people affects an important aspect of your child's development: his growing attachment to specific people, namely parents. Now that he is sure that his parents exist, even if they are not around, he can miss them and demand that they stay.

The child may begin to cry and scream violently if he sees you, for example, put on a coat and are about to leave. When you leave, he feels that you must be somewhere, but he doesn't know exactly where, and this can upset him. In addition, children at this age still have a poorly developed sense of time, so it is difficult for a child to understand how long you will be gone. nine0004


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You can help a child of this age cope with the anxiety he feels about leaving you by simply reassuring him that you will return when you are about to leave. Remember: a one-year-old baby, although not yet able to speak, already understands a lot, so your assurances can help him.

Don't forget that he is also watching your emotions, so if you are anxious or afraid to leave him, he can pick up your feelings and feel the same way. nine0004

You can also teach your child to be away from you. To do this, allow him to explore the premises of your house on his own. For example, if he crawls into another (safe from your point of view) room, do not immediately run to see what is happening there, let him be alone.

If you are in one room and need to go to another, tell your child where you are going and that you will be back very soon. Gradually, he must understand that his parents can leave, that nothing terrible will happen, and if they say they will return, they can be trusted. nine0004

Remember to constantly show your child that you understand his feelings. This way you make him feel safe and strengthen the emotional connection.

Toddlers (1 to 3 years old)

Toddlers are a fun and exciting time when your child develops a sense of self and becomes independent. But this period is also called the two-year crisis: children become much more confident in themselves and begin to contradict you. nine0004

At this time, their speech skills are actively developing, but the words you will most often hear are “No!”, “Mine!”, “I myself!” or "I will!" At this time, emotional education becomes an important tool with which parents can help the baby cope with the emerging feelings of disappointment and anger.

As with all stages of development, parents need to look at conflicts and problems from the child's point of view. The main task of the development of the baby at this age is to assert himself as an independent being, so try to avoid situations that will make him feel that he has no power and no control. nine0004

At this age, children should be given the opportunity to make a choice several times a day.

Instead of saying, "It's cold outside, you should put on your coat," say, "What would you like to wear today? Jacket or sweater? Set boundaries so that your baby is safe and you are calm.

Simultaneously with self-affirmation, babies become more and more interested in other children. Toddlers older than a year old may be very attracted to each other, but they do not yet have the necessary social skills to play well together. Attempts to play together are often problematic given the "baby ownership rules" which state: 1) if I see it, it's mine; 2) if it's yours and I want it, then it's mine and 3) if it's mine, then it's mine forever. nine0004

Parents should understand that this is not greed, but an expression of the baby's developing sense of self. Children of this age can only consider their own point of view and do not understand that others may think differently. So the idea of ​​having to share just doesn't make sense to them.


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There is a positive side to toddler conflicts over toys and the emotional fireworks they usually lead to. Episodes like this offer amazing opportunities for emotional upbringing. nine0004

You can help your child recognize and verbalize anger or frustration. (“You go crazy when someone takes your doll,” or “You are frustrated that you can’t get that ball right now.”) You can then work with your child to look for ways to solve the problem (for example, introduce him to the idea of ​​playing queues).

At the same time, it is important to set limits on inappropriate behavior. If the conflict escalates into a fight, the fighter can be told that "we don't hit or hurt our buddies because we're angry" and then sympathize with the victim and reassure her. nine0004

Don't forget to praise and reward your baby every time he makes the slightest attempt at an exchange, but especially don't expect him to do it often. At this age, as a rule, parallel games are more successful, where each child has his own space and can play separately from other children.

You can never completely avoid toddler conflicts over toys. But for the sake of peace of mind, you can keep these episodes to a minimum. Explain to your children that they can take toys to a friend or kindergarten only if they share them. nine0004

If your baby is waiting for friends at home, take with him some toys especially dear to him, which he does not want to give to others. Then, before the guest arrives, solemnly hide them. This will give the child a sense of power and control that he aspires to.

Preschool (from four to seven years old)

By the age of four, children are already "at you" with the world around them. They meet new friends, actively explore the environment and learn a lot of new and interesting things. nine0004

With experience comes new challenges: Kindergarten is fun, but caregivers generally expect the child to sit quietly in the group and focus on the task. The child already knows how to behave with friends, but sometimes they still drive him crazy and hurt his feelings. And now, when he is old enough to understand the horrors of fire, war, robbers and death, he tries his best not to be crushed by fear of these events.

To cope with new problems, the child needs to be able to manage his emotions. One of the most important tasks that children face at this age is the need to learn how to suppress inappropriate behavior, focus and motivate themselves to achieve a goal. nine0004

Nowhere do children develop the skills to manage their emotions as well as in relationships with peers. It is here that they learn to accurately formulate their thoughts in order to exchange information, and to clarify them if others do not understand them. They learn to speak and play in turn, to share. They learn how to find a common language during the game, to enter into conflicts and resolve them, how to understand the feelings, desires and aspirations of other people.

Friendship is a fertile ground for the emotional development of babies, so give your children more opportunities to connect with friends one on one. nine0004


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Play activities for children of this age are best done in pairs. This is because children between the ages of four and seven often find it difficult to figure out how to manage relationships with more than one person at the same time.

As a parent, this can be frustrating, especially if you see two children rejecting a third who tries to join the game. But you must understand that rejection does not necessarily mean ill will. nine0004

It's just that children want to protect the game they've created as a couple, and because they can't put their feelings into words that a third child can understand and accept ("I'm sorry, Billy, but a couple is the biggest social unit we can connect with. " cope at this stage of their development”), they tend to resort to more rude and harsh tactics: “Go away, Billy. We don't play with you!"

Some children may do the same to their parents, saying, “Go away, dad! I do not love you anymore. I love only my mother!” In fact, this means that he enjoys the closeness that he currently has with his mother. Dad shouldn't take this rudeness to heart. nine0004

In fact, young children can be very fickle. It is not uncommon for two children to reject a third, and a few minutes later regroup and invite the newly rejected child to join in their new game.

What is the best way to react if you see that your child is excluding a third person from the game? If you want to instill in him kindness and sensitivity to the feelings of other people, then you should tell him how to manage your social relations as politely as possible. Teach your child simple words he can use to explain the situation. For example: “Now I only want to play with someone. But then I can play with you." nine0004

If your child is the one currently expelled, it is important that you acknowledge their feelings, especially if they are upset or angry about the situation. Then help him think of ways to solve the problem, such as inviting another child to play or finding something fun to do alone.

In addition to teaching important social skills, friendship between young children gives them the opportunity to fantasize: create characters and act out life situations. nine0004

Young friends often use fantasies to help each other work through complicated problems and cope with experiences from everyday life. This contributes to their emotional development, helping to access hidden feelings.

Knowing that fantasy can open the door to a young child's thoughts and concerns, parents of children of this age involved in emotional education can use games.

Children usually project their ideas, wishes, frustrations and fears onto dolls. Parents can encourage the child to explore their feelings and convince him of something, simply by responding to the words of the toy. Here is an example of such a conversation. nine0004

Child: This bear is an orphan because his parents no longer need him.

Papa: Are mama and papa bear gone?

Child: Yes, they are gone.

Dad: Will they come back?

Child: Never.

Dad: Why did they leave?

Child: The bear was bad.

Dad: What did he do?

Child: He got angry with the mother bear.

Dad: I think it's okay to get angry sometimes. She will be back.

Child: Yes. She's already on her way. nine0004

Dad (takes another bear and speaks in the voice of a mother bear): I went to take out the garbage. I'm already back.

Child: Hello, Mom!

Dad: You were crazy, and that's okay. Sometimes I go crazy too.

Child: I know that.


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Another example. Your child wants to be bigger and stronger, so he says: “I used to be small, but now I can lift the crib from one side. Do you know that Superman can even fly?" This means that the child practically asked permission to become Superman in order to explore feelings such as strength and self-confidence. You can contribute and encourage his fantasy by simply saying, “Nice to meet you, Superman. Are you going to fly right now?" nine0004

Children can incorporate real-life situations into their play. Don't be surprised if, in the midst of playing with a Barbie doll or imitating superheroes, your child suddenly says: "I'm afraid to stay with this nanny again" or: "How old will I be when I die?"

The origin of children's ideas will most likely remain a mystery to you, but one thing is clear - something in the game scenario stirred up the child's emotions, and he wants to share them. The intimacy and spontaneity of the game allows him to feel safe next to you and raise one or another delicate issue to the surface. nine0004

If the child pauses the play to explore the emotion, then you should also pause the play and talk to him about the fear involved.

When talking to children about their fears, remember to use basic emotional education techniques: help them recognize and label their fear when it comes up, talk about it empathetically and sensitively, and come up with ways to deal with various threats together.

For example, if your child is afraid of fire, say, “House fire is really scary. That's why we have a smoke detector that will alert us if something catches fire." nine0004

Primary school age (eight to twelve years old)

At this time, children begin to enter into large social groups and fall under their influence. Now they notice which peers are in and who are not in the group. At this age, children actively develop cognitive abilities and they learn about the power of intellect over emotions.

Your child is becoming more and more influenced by peers, and you may notice that one of the main motivations of his life is the desire to avoid awkwardness at all costs. nine0004

Children of this age begin to worry about the style of their clothes, the type of backpack, and how their peers feel about what they are doing. The child will go to any lengths not to draw attention to himself, especially if his friends tease him or criticize his actions.


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Conformity at this age is quite healthy, although it often irritates parents who want their children to be leaders, not performers. It means that your child is getting better at recognizing social cues and acquiring a skill that will serve him throughout his life. Between eight and twelve, this is especially important because children in this age group can tease and humiliate mercilessly. nine0004

Children quickly learn that if they are being teased, it is best not to react emotionally at all. Protesting, yelling, complaining to a teacher, or getting angry when a hat is stolen or called names can lead to further humiliation or expulsion from the group. Therefore, in order to maintain dignity, it is better to turn the other cheek.

Understanding the situation, children perform an "ectomy of emotions", removing feelings from the sphere of relationships with peers. Most children master this skill, but those who learn to control their emotions at an early age achieve the greatest success. nine0004

A "cold-blooded" attitude towards peer relationships can mislead parents who were good emotional educators.

Mothers and fathers often mistakenly believe that all their children need to do in case of conflict with peers is to share their feelings with another child and come to an agreement. This strategy works well in preschool, but in school, when showing emotion is considered a social nuisance, it can end in disaster. nine0004

Children who have been emotionally trained become perceptive enough to understand this. They are able to recognize the signals of their peers and act accordingly.

Closer to the age of ten, many children become much more capable of logical reasoning. They often react as if they don't have heads, but computers. Tell a nine-year-old child to "pick up your socks" - and he can pick them up, and then put them back, explaining this by saying that he "was not told to put them away." nine0004

Insolence and mockery of the adult world are characteristic of children who see life in black and white or divide everything into right and wrong. Think about it: a ten-year-old child suddenly becomes aware of all the arbitrary and illogical standards of life, and life begins to seem crazy to him. He considers adults to be hypocrites.

At this age, your child is concerned about morality and justice, so he can come up with "pure worlds" for himself, where all people are equal, there is no place for war and where there can be no tyranny. The child may begin to despise the adult world with its atrocities. He doubts, he challenges, he starts to think for himself. nine0004

The irony is that at the same time the child adheres to the unreasonable and tyrannical standards of his peer group. For example, your daughter may stand up for the human right to freedom of expression and at the same time limit her wardrobe to one style of sweater. She may be deeply concerned about animal cruelty and at the same time take part in a conspiracy to keep a classmate out of a basketball game.

How should parents respond to such inconsistency? Pay no attention and consider this time as a period of research. Know that strict adherence to the often arbitrary rules dictated by peers is part of normal and healthy development. Your child's behavior means that he is able to recognize the standards and values ​​accepted in the peer group, and this allows him to become part of it. nine0004

If you find out that your child is involved in bullying another child that you think is unfair, tell him how you feel. Use this precedent to convey to him your values ​​of kindness and honesty. If your child has not shown cruelty, you should not be especially harsh or severely punish him.

If your child is complaining about being excluded from a group or being treated unfairly by their peers, you can use emotional coaching techniques to help them deal with feelings of sadness and anger. After overcoming negative emotions, try to look for a solution to the problem together. For example, you can explore the ways in which a person creates and maintains friendships. nine0004

Do not try to prove to your child that his desire to dress and act like other children is stupid. Recognize his desire to be accepted by his peers and help him achieve this.

If your child makes fun of the rules of the adult world, don't take that criticism to heart. Brashness, sarcasm, and contempt for adult values ​​are normal behavior at this age.

If your child is really rude to you, tell him about it, but in a special way. (“When you laugh at my hair, I feel that you do not respect me.”) This way you can instill in him such values ​​as kindness and mutual respect in the family. Frondering notwithstanding, children at this age, like everyone else, want to feel emotionally connected to their parents and need their loving guidance. nine0004

Adolescence

In adolescence, children are concerned with the question of self-identification: who am I? who am I becoming? who am I supposed to be? Therefore, do not be surprised if at some point your child loses interest in family affairs, and relationships with friends come to the fore. In the end, it is through friendship outside the usual boundaries of the house that he finds out who he is.

The path of self-exploration is not always smooth. Hormonal changes can cause uncontrolled and drastic mood changes. At this age, children are very vulnerable and exposed to many dangers. But since this is a natural and inevitable part of human development, the study continues. nine0004

One of the major challenges adolescents face in their research is the integration of mind and emotions. If the rational character of Star Trek, Mr. Spock, can serve as a symbol of children of primary school age, then Captain Kirk in the role of commander of the starship Enterprise can be a symbol of adolescents. Kirk is constantly faced with situations where his very sensitive, human side is opposed to logic and experience.

Most often, adolescents face a similar situation in matters of sexuality and self-esteem. A girl is attracted to a boy whom she doesn't really respect. (“He’s so cute. Unfortunately, as soon as he opens his mouth, he ruins everything.”) And the boy catches himself expressing an opinion that he protested against when he heard it from his father. (“I can’t believe it! I talk just like my dad!”)

Suddenly, a teenager realizes that the world is not only black and white, that it consists of many shades of gray.

Adolescence is a difficult period for both a child who is looking for his own way, and for his parents. Now your child is forced to do most of the research without you.


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Social educator Michael Riera writes: “Until now, you have played the role of a manager in a child’s life: arranging trips and visits to doctors, scheduling extracurricular activities and weekends, helping with and checking homework. He told you about school life, and you were usually the first person he approached with "important" questions. And suddenly, without warning or explanation, you were dismissed from your position. Now, if you want to continue to have a meaningful impact, you have to fight, develop new strategies and put in a lot of effort to get hired again, but already as a consultant. ” nine0004

How should you play the role of consultant? How can you stay close enough to be an emotional nurturer and still allow your child to develop independently as a fully-fledged adult needs? Here are some tips.

1. Recognize that adolescence is a time when children move away from their parents. Parents need to understand that teenagers need privacy. Eavesdropping on conversations, reading a diary, or too many leading questions sends the message to your child that you don't trust him and creates a barrier to communication. nine0004

As well as respecting your child's privacy, you must respect the child's right to feel anxious and dissatisfied from time to time. Give your child space to experience deep feelings, let him feel sad, angry, anxious, or discouraged, and don't ask questions like "What's wrong with you?" because they imply that you don't approve of his emotions.

There is another danger: if a teenager suddenly opens his heart to you, try not to show that you instantly understood everything. Your child has encountered a problem for the first time, it seems to him that his experience is unique, and if adults show that they are well aware of the motives of his behavior, the child feels offended. So take the time to listen and hear your teenager. Do not assume that you already know and understand everything he wants to say. nine0004

Adolescence is also a time when individuality develops. Your child may choose a style of clothing, hairstyle, music, art and language that you do not like, so always remember that you do not need to approve his choice, you just need to accept it.

2. Be respectful. Imagine for a moment that your best friend began to treat you the way many parents treat their children. How do you feel when you are constantly corrected, reminded of shortcomings, or teased about the most sensitive topics? What should you do if your friend gives you long-winded lectures and explains with condemnation what and how you should do with your life? Most likely, you will decide that this person does not respect you too much and does not care about your feelings. nine0004

Of course, you shouldn't treat teenagers as friends (child-parent relationships are much more complicated), but your children certainly deserve as much respect as your buddies. So don't tease, criticize or hurt your children. Communicate your values ​​concisely and without judgment.

If you have conflicts over your child's behavior, don't label them with common labels (lazy, greedy, careless, selfish). Speak in terms of specific actions. For example, tell him how his actions affected you. (“You hurt me a lot when you leave without washing the dishes because I have to do your job.”)

3. Encourage independent decision making and continue to be your child's emotional educator . Choosing the right degree of participation in a teenager's life is one of the most difficult tasks that parents face.

A teenager should say more often: “The choice is yours”, express confidence in the correctness of his judgments and try not to show hidden resistance under the guise of warning a possible unfavorable outcome of the case.

You should encourage his independence and from time to time allow the teenager to make unwise (but not dangerous) decisions. nine0004

Remember that a teenager can learn not only from his successes, but also from his mistakes. And learning will be all the more effective if it has a caring adult nearby - someone who will help to cope with negative emotions in case of failure and explain how to find solutions in the future.

Therefore, be aware of what is happening in your child's life. Accept and acknowledge his emotional experiences. If he has problems, listen sympathetically, but don't judge. Be his ally when he comes to you for help. nine0004

These simple steps are the foundation for a deep emotional bond between parent and child.

Based on the book "Emotional Intelligence of a Child"

Post cover from here

A parent is also a person: offensive words of a child and how to respond to them where the child’s hurtful words come from and how to respond to them.

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— People often say nasty things during an argument, which they later deny. Are we really not saying what we think, or in this state, exactly what we have kept in ourselves for so long emerges?

- Both options are available. Very often, in the heat of a quarrel, those words are uttered that the person did not originally intend to utter. Of course, a person thinks about these words and keeps them in his head. However, this does not mean at all that he would have expressed this out of a conflict situation. In adolescence, quarrels are often accompanied by a surge of emotions. When dissatisfaction with each other accumulates, in a fit of quarrel, on emotions, everyone can express what worries him and annoys him in a rude manner. nine0004

Age-related crises in a child: how not to go crazy for a parent?

— What to do if the child uttered an offensive painful phrase, after which it seems that it will not be possible to return to the past relationship?

-First, remember the so-called "I-statements". The essence of the method is that we say about ourselves and our emotions: not “You offended me”, “You upset me”, “You made me angry”, but “I was offended”, “I was upset” and “I got angry”. Thus, start by acknowledging the existence of your emotions. nine0004

Every person knows the painful points of relatives and friends and can unconsciously put pressure on them in quarrels. The child, uttering a phrase offensive to you, does just that.

Secondly, it must be remembered that in the relationship between a parent and a child, the main role is assigned to the parent. If it seems to you that after the hurtful words uttered by the child, you cannot return to the previous relationship, then you treat the child as an equal, which is wrong. The main one is the parent, and his task is to explain to the child what the consequences are due to unpleasant words and expressions. In the event that we are offended and deeply immersed in resentment, we find ourselves outside the parent-child relationship, which is harmful to both parties. nine0004

- Let's look at the most common phrases. What does it mean if a child says, "You don't love me"?

-Most often this is a request for attention. The most correct reaction of the parent will not be to answer: “No, I love you,” but to try to understand what the child is missing. It is necessary to ask the child why it seems to him that he is not loved; how he generally understands that he is loved by loved ones, that is, in what actions love is manifested for him.

By the way, it is useful for parents themselves to analyze this: how do you understand that you are loved. Another quite common option is an attempt at manipulation: “I want that toy, that gadget,” etc. If you understand that now is just such a case, it makes sense to talk with your child about the relationship between love and financial transactions. If the parent before that easily went to purchases and expenses at the first request of the child, then in the understanding of the latter, certain obligations are imposed on the parent in similar situations. This is a kind of beacon that it will not be superfluous to talk with the child about financial relations in the family. nine0004

- If a child says "You don't understand me"?

- This is the most common phrase during adolescence, when it seems to the child that his emotions are unique, and such as with him, there has never been with anyone. It's great if a parent can remember himself as a teenager, what he wanted from his parents. It may not be superfluous to share these memories with the child in a calm environment.

— How can one interpret the words “I wish I were dead” or “If I die, you will understand everything”? nine0030

— Usually behind such words there is a strong emotional reaction on the part of the child. At the same time, it is usually difficult for children to articulate strong emotions: babies stomp their feet and shout: “I don’t love you, you’re bad.” Older children may say: “I’ll die, then you’ll see.”

It is important to put yourself in the place of the child, to try to understand what he is experiencing at this moment. It is important to ask him questions: “Are you hurt, sad now?”, “You are angry now, right?”. Help to understand the emotion itself and choose the right name for it. If we discuss everything together with the child, most likely it will turn out that he is not going to die. nine0004

In extreme cases, if the child often says this, then it can go into manipulation, just like with any other phrase. It is important to keep in mind here that children often express what adults are afraid of. This happens both with words and with behavior. When a child climbs a window in the middle of an argument, he realizes that the parent is afraid of this. If you react to this with fear and panic, then, on the one hand, you reinforce such behavior in the child, on the other hand, do not go to the level of interaction and clarifying his emotions. nine0004

— If a parent hears: “You are a bad mother”, “You are a bad father”?

— The idea that we are bad parents has been in our minds since the birth of a child. In addition, the parent is actively reminded of this by relatives, acquaintances, doctors, educators and other people who surround him. This is the simplest thing that can piss off a parent and make them feel guilty. Further, the parent either begins to worry and try to do better for his child, or begins to become more angry, so that the quarrel escalates even more. nine0004

This phrase is an attempt to bring out an emotion and get rid of one's emotional experiences. "I feel bad, I'm sad, you're a bad mother!" - and here we threw off the emotional stress. The child, subtly feeling, clings to our emotions. Sometimes it's just resentment and manipulation, and sometimes it's an attempt to reach out and show that there is something specific that he does not like. In the latter case, this is calculated by a simple question: "What do you not like?". After it, you can move to a constructive level of problem solving. The main thing is to cope with emotions and do not go over to mutual accusations with the child. nine0004

- What is behind the phrase "I hate you"?

- In this situation, I would listen to what the parent feels at this moment. In our society, manifestations of strong negative emotions are taboo. If we remember the family as a concept, then traditionally a child in it should not be indignant, cry loudly in public, get angry, but should correspond to the image of a good child. Therefore, he says “I hate you” when a lot of emotions and discontent have accumulated, so strong that an explosion occurs. nine0004

- If we hear from a child "I'm leaving home"?

- Again, we divide into 2 layers. The first layer is manipulation. If the parent reacted correctly (demonstrated calmness and firmness of position), then this will not happen next time. If we are afraid of this, then the child will follow this path in every new dispute. On the other hand, if everything is really good in the relationship, there is mutual understanding in the family, usually such a problem does not arise. Thus, it can be, albeit manipulative, but still a signal that the child is worried about something. nine0004

- How to respond to "You ruined my life"?

- This phrase works both ways: it can be heard from teenagers to parents, and vice versa. The first thing a parent should do is to remember if he himself said such words to the child. If not, we return to the pronunciation of our own emotions and back to "I-statements".

If you know that the child was told this, it is important to realize and understand that the problem may be deeper. A child, accustomed to the fact that a parent blames him for his own failures in life, considers such phrases to be the norm. Accordingly, the first step to correct the situation will be the parent's refusal of such an argument in quarrels and the recognition of his wrong. It is important to remember that a child who considers himself guilty of the misfortune of his parents bears this burden all the time, which is reflected in his self-esteem and behavior. nine0004

- How to understand the phrase "Get off me"?

- The child says this if his personal boundaries are violated. For example, there is too much parental attention, and it is overprotective or it is not what the child needs, and the child is treated like a child. “Get away from me” may well be a signal that the parent is too much in the life of the child, and not in the format of a senior partner, but in the format of a controlling policeman. “What are the grades, what’s at school, why didn’t you clean the room, why is it a mess?” - in the framework of such issues, contact with the child is formal, rather than friendly, partner-like. nine0004

— What to do if the child says “You don't understand anything”? "I'm an adult, I'm smart, and you're old"?

- It is worth considering why the child feels that your experience cannot give him anything. Maybe it's time to move on to more partnerships with less preaching.

— What should a parent do so that in the future the child does not clothe negative emotions in the form of offensive words?

— It is important to speak to your child about your own emotions that you have in response to his words. If we do not do this, then at some point our own emotions can get out of control, leading to an emotional storm, a strong and unnecessary scandal. And it is useful for the child himself to understand that the child-parent relationship is still hierarchical, so in the heat of the strongest quarrel it makes sense to “choose expressions”. And this is most easily achieved through a calm explanation of their emotions by parents. nine0004

How can a parent take care of themselves?

— What general advice can you give to parents who encounter such statements?

- These phrases are a marker that the child has a lot of strong emotions that he kept in himself for a long time, as a result of which it became difficult to explain them with normal harmless words. After analyzing specific situations, talk with your child about the fact that it is normal to be angry, but you need to be aware of your emotions and their background. This option is suitable for pre-teens. nine0004

If we talk about adolescence, the scale of emotions increases several times. After all, the emotional storm that accompanies the process of puberty enhances all reactions. It is important not to forget that the child is changing, growing, it is important for him to receive from the parent not only protection and control, but attention and, at least, an advisory vote. If you want to maintain a close relationship with your child, then remember that even the smallest child is a separate person with his own feelings, desires and needs. In this case, communication will be much more successful. nine0004

Curriculum vitae:

Alexandra Chernysheva

Alexandra Chernysheva – consultant psychologist, graduated from the Department of Crisis and Extreme Situations, Faculty of Psychology, St. Petersburg State University.

Since 2007, Alexandra has been conducting individual and group consultations and trainings with children and adolescents, and also coordinates the work of the "Architecture of the Future" camp.

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