Toxic mother traits

Toxic Parents: How to Manage Them

Written by Janie McQueen

Though she didn’t yet know the term “toxic,” Rashawnda James knew something was very off about her relationship with her mother when she was just 13 years old. “I realized that in the conversations at school that they were talking as though their parents were around a lot,” she says.

James’s parent, a crack cocaine addict, wasn’t. “There were times when I had to go search for my mother because I didn’t know where she was,” James says. “I felt responsible for my mom. Once I made that connection, I knew it was unhealthy.”

Common Toxic Traits

Signs you might have a toxic parent include:

They’re self-centered. They don’t think about your needs or feelings.
They’re emotional loose cannons. They overreact, or create drama.
They overshare. They share improper info with you, like details about their intimate lives. They use you as their main source of emotional support.
They seek control. They might use guilt and money to get you to do what they want.
They’re harshly critical. Nothing you do is ever good enough. They don’t respect your good traits or achievements.
They lack boundaries. They might show up unasked at your home, or attack your life choices.

Now an Atlanta-based licensed therapist, author, and self-care expert, James can name her mother’s toxic behaviors. These include manipulation and gaslighting, a technique that makes you question your ability to tell what’s true or really happening. “As a child, I couldn’t avoid my mother. I couldn’t set boundaries,” James says. “The lines were blurred. There was no filter.”

However, her mother managed to involve James in positive activities. “That became my safe haven,” James says. She excelled at track and field. One organization offered free therapy when she was in 12th grade. “It literally changed my life,” she says. That same counselor became her supervisor years later when James decided to become a therapist.

Get Rid of Guilt

“As adults, we have choices that we didn’t have as children, and we’re not required to always do what our parents want,” says Sharon Martin, a licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, CA. She’s the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and The Better Boundaries Workbook.

If you were raised to respect your elders, obey your parents, and please them at all costs, setting boundaries can seem foreign. Martin urges her clients to challenge that mindset. "Remember your parents’ inability to love, accept, and value you aren’t your fault, and don't have to do with your shortcomings.

“For example, consider whether you think it’s wrong to set boundaries, ask to be treated with respect, prioritize your or your immediate family’s needs above your parents’, or limit how much time you spend with your parents,” she says. “Would you tell a close friend that they’re wrong to do these things in response to yelling, manipulation, lying, harsh criticism, smear campaigns, or threats?”

Don’t Try to Change Them

A big “aha” moment for James was realizing she couldn’t be the reason for her mom to stop doing drugs. “I became the golden child. I thought, if I do well, she would possibly stay clean. If I graduate from high school … college… .” And on and on.

“I had to start living my life, and let go of it,” she says.

“It’s normal to want to please your parents, no matter your age,” Martin says. “But be realistic about whether it’s possible, and what your efforts are costing you emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually.”

“The most harmful thing to do to yourself is to believe you can fix them,” James agrees. “If you know that, you don’t have to stay there and take what they’re giving you. You can choose yourself. It releases you, when you don’t have to fix something. ”

Boundaries Are Key

Fifteen years later, James’s mother is clean. The two live 22 minutes from each other and talk about twice a day, though they did take a 2-year break. James stresses that while she chooses to carry on their relationship with her mom, you must do what’s best for you.

“It’s taken me 10 years of me enforcing the boundaries,” James says. “I say ‘No, Mom. I can’t give you money.’ ‘No Mom, I can’t be this for you.’ ‘I can’t go over there where those people make me uncomfortable, but you’re free to come over here.’”

“Just because she’s my mother, her priorities don’t have to outweigh mine,” she adds.

It helps that her mom has become more self-aware over time, and sometimes can catch herself in old patterns.

No Need to Explain

Have a short stock response to questions about why you’re not in contact with your parents, i.e., “I’m not talking to my parents because they’re emotionally abusive.” This can help you remember why you’ve set limits, even if others don’t get it.

“When others judge or criticize your decision to limit contact or set other boundaries with your parents, it’s usually because they assume you have emotionally healthy parents who treat you with respect,” Martin says. “But you’re limiting contact because your parents are treating you poorly. And your parents don’t get a free pass to mistreat you simply because they’re your parents.”

You still don’t owe anyone a reason, though, Martin adds. “You have the right to say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’”

Practice Self-Care

Children of toxic parents might not be used to taking care of themselves, Martin says. “Use a mantra such as, ‘Self-care isn’t selfish,’ or ‘My needs matter,’ or ‘I’m an adult and have the right to make my own choices.’”

James plans a self-care activity such as journaling or exercising after she spends time with her mother. “I love to journal. It’s a great way to have an internal dialogue, to release my thoughts. I don’t keep my thoughts inside and burden myself with that,” she says. She also loves dance workouts to music from Miami, as Florida is her home state.

Listening to gospel music is another way she keeps grounded. It helps me realize that my struggle isn't just my burden, she says. “It’s a good reminder that my mom is not my responsibility. God can do more than what I could ever do for her.”

Set Up a Support System

“A support system is essential,” Martin says. She suggests support groups, or individual therapy with someone who works in narcissistic abuse, developmental trauma, or codependency.

To find a therapist, call your insurance company or go online and get a list of providers. If you don’t have insurance, affordable online options include Telehealth and BetterHelp.

Change Your Story

“At an early age, I saw what life was, and I made a commitment to myself not to repeat that cycle,” James says. “I didn’t have the road map or the blueprint, but since 12th grade, I’ve gained the tools to live in a more healthy and positive way. ”

She’s raising her three children with these in mind. For example, she doesn’t overshare, as her own mother did. “I really try to maintain their innocence as much as possible,” she says. “I don’t burden my children with other people’s problems. I allow them to see my emotions, because I want them to know a full spectrum.

“I follow the principle that my bounds of happiness are not placed in others, places, or things. I can be anywhere, I can have anything, and still find joy. That’s one of my superpowers!”

16 Characteristics Of Highly Toxic Parents

This is something I wager we just don’t talk about enough because it’s frequently considered “in poor taste” to speak badly of one’s own parents. In some ways, parents are revered to the point where we flippantly make blanket statements like “all parents want the best for their children” or “they did the best they could.”

Sometimes, it’s true that the parents in question really did try their best or want the best for their kids. That’s not enough, however, to protect their children or give them the mental and emotional care they need. And sadly, lots of parents can fall into toxic habits with their kids without ever realizing there’s a problem.

As with any other list of toxic traits, this one is not all-inclusive. And few people will exhibit all of these characteristics. It’s still worth talking about these traits because the stakes are so damn high. The children of toxic parents suffer — often even as adults. They might grow up to select toxic partners or become a toxic partner (or parent) themselves. They may struggle with their sense of self-worth and mental health for as long as they live. Others may find themselves unable to feel fully alive.

And while a person might be able to get away from a toxic friend, partner, or boss — often with some degree of difficulty — it’s harder to escape the clutches of a toxic parent or guardian.

1. They expect their kids to agree with them about (practically) everything.

Some children grow up with parents who will not allow them to express different thoughts or opinions. If you disagree with such a parent, they might accuse you of being headstrong, rebellious, stupid, or worse.

It seems especially common in matters of faith. A parent might insist that a child who doesn’t believe exactly as they do will wind up facing serious punishment, like hell or physical retribution. Parents like these will typically not tolerate any questions from their children, because even asking a simple question would suggest the kid doesn’t believe whatever the parent thinks they “should.”

Religious toxic parents might call their kids “possessed.” Other unhealthy parents might stick with just-as-damaging labels like “crazy.”

Ultimately, this is toxic parenting because the child is not permitted to think for themselves. Such kids are typically expected to accept their parent’s words as fact and behave more like a soldier or a robot than a human being.

2. They don’t see their children as autonomous individuals.

For too many toxic parents, their child is merely an extension of themselves, and little more than that. They might even fear the day their kid attempts to be more autonomous and spend years trying to prevent them from fully expressing their thoughts and feelings as a solo person.

Parents like this often fall into the “children should be seen and not heard” camp. Age-appropriate behavior like temper tantrums, bad moods, whining, and crying aren’t properly addressed with love and understanding because these parents don’t care why their kid is acting out. All they care about is that the unwanted behavior stops.

The irony of such parents is that they frequently succumb to their own intense emotions. If they feel angry or upset, they rarely think twice about throwing a fit or letting someone else really have it. These types of parents are often caught up in the idea that successful parenting creates obedient children who never “mess up” or embarrass them.

3. They don’t believe in a child’s privacy.

Especially as a kid grows older, some parents really struggle to give them space. They might read through their kids’ diaries or rummage through their backpacks to look through their notes.

Children who wish to lock their doors or work on a project alone might be regarded with suspicion. Such parents will often justify dismissing their kid’s requests for privacy by insisting it’s their house, their rules. Kids don’t need privacy, they reason, unless they are up to no good.

Parents like these often have a hard time seeing their child’s emotional needs. They’re also often prone to expecting the worst.

4. They discipline out of anger or fear.

Any time a parent disciplines their child, the expectation is that they’re doing it out of love. The whole purpose of discipline in parenting is to teach your child how to better navigate the world in a responsible way.

But lots of toxic parents lose sight of the whole point. Instead, they end up disciplining their kids as a knee-jerk reaction to their own emotions. The toxic parent might feel angry, annoyed, disappointed, embarrassed, or even scared when their child behaves a certain way. They feel compelled to “nip things in the bud” instead of understanding the big picture and what’s actually going on with their kids.

Spanking, berating, ridiculing — a toxic parent may label such tactics “discipline.” Their children might fear them, resent them, or feel utterly worthless, yet a toxic parent often won’t care or really see the problem.

They are frequently the same type of parent to tease their kids for being “cry babies” or “overly sensitive.”

5. They’re often more judgmental of their own kids than anyone else’s.

Some of you grew up with parents who were constantly asking why you couldn’t be more like Jill or Johnny across the street. Perhaps it felt like they had something good to say about every single one of your classmates, but when it came to the way they spoke about you, all they ever did was complain or make hardly helpful suggestions about what you might improve.

Some parents seem simply compelled to destroy what they have created. Like so many other toxic parents, they may not even know why they do it, and it’s even more likely that they don’t realize what they’re doing.

After all, toxic parents aren’t known for self-awareness or self-improvement. They’re typically too busy blaming other people, and unfortunately, that might mean their own kids.

6. They want their children to follow in their footsteps or live out their unfulfilled dreams.

I think it’s safe to say that many healthy parents live just a bit vicariously through their children. Birthday parties and holidays tend to be a good example of that. Lots of people just want to give their kids a better childhood than the one they had, and I don’t believe that’s inherently bad or toxic.

It becomes problematic when parents don’t know how to create boundaries and recognize that their child is a fully autonomous and different person from them. Toxic parents often expect their kids to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams or make choices that make them happy, with little concern for what their children actually want.

They might push their kids into specific careers, pressure them to get married and have children — anything they would have wanted for themselves or anything that might benefit them right now as parents or grandparents.

Such toxic parents frequently like to say their children owe them certain choices or outcomes, because they have sacrificed so much for their kids. It’s manipulation that ignores how the children never asked to be brought into the situation where they would be expected to please their parents in every possible way.

7. They’re uncomfortable when their kid is happy.

As much as people love to say that all parents want the best for their children, many of us know that simply isn’t true. Some toxic parents aren’t happy when their kids are happy — they may be jealous or resentful of their own children. Some might wish they never had kids and they simply aren’t able to get past their own feelings to give their offspring what they need.

Parents like this often sabotage their own kids. They might be quite cruel to their face or make off-hand remarks meant to chip away at a child’s sense of self-worth. This type of toxic parent can’t just be proud of their kid. They feel they must find a way to tear them down.

8. Everything is about them and their feelings.

If there’s one trait that most toxic parents share, it’s this one. Toxic parents struggle to separate themselves and their feelings from parenting. They can’t grasp that the role of a parent is one of service — your job is to give your kid(s) the best possible chance to grow and develop into a well-rounded and healthy human being.

Toxic parents seem to think, oh, the kids are fine. They wave their hand and say something about how kids are resilient and don’t need much — only to turn around and complain that their kids don’t give them the love or respect that they should.

Often, they are the toxic type of parent who doesn’t recognize that parenting takes work, and that little kids really aren’t “trying to be jerks. ” They’re also prone to gushing about how much they love their kids even though they never do seem to say anything of substance about who their kids are (because they really don’t know).

9. They keep score.

Some parents remember every little “wrong” thing their child does. If their kid gets into any sort of trouble, their parent will never let them live it down.

And should their child need any sort of help, it’s this sort of parent who is likely to write it down and bring it up far into the future. They may also be the same type of parent to call their kid a mistake or treat them like a burden.

Instead of teaching their kids that family is always there for each other, they give their kids the sense that their love has strict limits, and that they’re running out of goodwill.

10. Their kids aren’t allowed to ask questions or express their honest feelings.

Toxic parents are often terrible at processing human emotions that aren’t their own. Or, they might struggle to work through their own emotional issues that pop up when they become parents.

When their kids express their honest feelings, toxic parents often reply that they shouldn’t feel that way. Again and again, their children get the message that they are wrong for having their thoughts and feelings. It’s incredibly difficult to grow when your parents constantly tell you that your natural reactions are all bad.

The same logic might apply to questions. These parents will tell their kids not to ask “stupid” or otherwise “inappropriate” questions without really explaining why. The parents probably don’t know. All they know may just be that they’re uncomfortable or they don’t know how to take the time and energy to answer their kids.

11. They use guilt to get their way.

Sometimes, people joke about their parents guilting them to get what they want. Maybe they want you to attend Christmas Day at their house every year even though you’ve already told them you’d like to go somewhere else.

Toxic parents will resort to guilt and manipulation to get you to change your mind. Sometimes, the manipulation will be very subtle and sometimes, it will be blatant. The stress is usually the same when you’re a child (even a grown child) who simply doesn’t want to disappoint their mom or dad.

In a healthy parent-child relationship, both parties can express hurt, frustration, and disappointment without making demands or insisting that the other person overlook their own wants and needs just to make one party happy.

12. They withhold love and affection as a form of punishment.

Many parents get confused or worried about what might be seen as “overly indulgent” parenting. They might wonder when it’s okay to hug or soothe a child who’s been acting out.

A toxic parent, however, often has no impulse to soothe their “misbehaving” child. Instead, they frequently resort to withholding their love as a means of “discipline.” Parents who withhold love or punish their children by offering them dirty looks, refusing to hug or hold them, and telling their kids that they don’t like or love them are toxic. Shame is never a helpful motivator. If anything, it will only inspire worse behavior, or kids will learn to hide the truth from their toxic parents.

The children of such parents might find themselves addicted to cruel romantic partners who similarly push them away and pull them back in as a way to manipulate their behavior. The parents who do this will typically carry lots of other toxic traits, like holding the belief that parenthood is all about them and their feelings.

13. They make mountains out of molehills.

Some toxic parents cannot discern a big problem from a small one. In their eyes, every little act of disobedience, every poor grade, and every dirty sock on the floor is the end of the world.

Such toxic parents typically don’t know how to pick their battles, so they just harp on every little thing — often raising anxious children who are petrified to fail, or impulsive kids who don’t give a fuck about anything since they’re always in some sort of trouble.

These are often the same parents who treat everything that goes wrong like a life or death matter. Their kids often grow up with an impending sense of doom they just can’t shake.

14. They expect the worst of their own kids.

Everybody knows that teenagers are not typically the most responsible or wisest people around. That’s no insult to teens, however. It’s just that developmentally, and even culturally, they don’t usually have the tools they need to make their best decisions.

Healthy parents recognize that the teenage years can be hard, and they strive for a healthy balance of understanding and expectations along with age- and individually appropriate responsibilities.

Toxic parents are different. They tend to sort of flip out during the teen years and expect the worst. Some toxic parents have the tendency to expect the worst at a younger age too.

The whole problem with expecting the worst, though, is that you tend to bring out the worst behavior in your kids. Most kids feel it pretty deeply when they recognize that their own parents don’t think too highly of them. That means they often won’t think too highly of themselves. And when people don’t think too highly of themselves, they tend to act out more. If they think they’re “bad,” they’re going to act the way they think a “bad kid” ought to act.

15. They expect their children to “perform.”

On the opposite side of low expectations is the toxic parent who expects way too much from their kids. Parents who expect too much often do so because they have the idea that children are supposed to make their parents look good or basically, “perform” for them.

This type of toxic parent often cares excessively about appearances. They don’t care so much about what their kid has learned and whether or not they are a happy and well-adjusted child. They want to know that their kid will impress other people.

Parents like this might be fixated on things like grades, physical beauty, career status, or popularity. It never really matters what the fixation is, just the fact that it exists is damaging enough.

These toxic parents don’t grasp that people need room to grow and make mistakes. Not their kids, anyway.

16. They take no blame and make zero apologies.

Some parents have never apologized to their children for the things that they get wrong and they refuse to believe that kids might ever deserve an apology from a parent. Parents like this often have a toxic understanding of parenthood as the default position of always being right because they are always in charge.

And yet, when things go wrong, these parents are the first to blame outside forces. If their kids attend therapy, they might sarcastically ask what they’re going to be blamed for this time. They often see themselves as martyrs — the last heroes in a dying lineage of authoritarians.

This sort of toxic parent often has “No idea” why their kids won’t talk to them as they grow up. They may suspect it’s some outside influence and never even consider anything they’ve done wrong. But how could they? Parents like these simply don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong in the first place.

Anyone can become “toxic” when they lose sight of the big picture that our kids need us to think about the way our interactions will shape them and the rest of their lives. And many of us have unfortunately grown up with toxic parents ourselves, which means we have, at least in some way, gotten used to seeing some toxic traits as “normal” or even “healthy.”

The good news is that whether we become parents or not, we don’t need to be stuck repeating toxic cycles with our loved ones. We can recognize the toxic traits passed down in our families and stop them in ourselves.

It takes work, but it’s good work. It’s the sort of work that makes you think that maybe the whole world isn’t as fucked up as we once believed, and perhaps there are a lot more kindred spirits than we ever even knew.

This article was originally published on May 16, 2021

8 things a toxic mother does all the time — www.ellegirl.ru

Love

Toxic relationships are a type of interaction between people that brings severe pain to one of the participants in communication. Like most problems, this one comes from childhood. And she is born under the influence of the closest person - the mother. How does this happen?

A small child has no idea how other families live: the only thing he sees is his own family. And, of course, if the mother, to put it mildly, goes too far, the child has no choice but to obey, because she is the main character in his tiny world. nine0003

Growing up, the child can no longer understand how toxic his relationship with his mother is: he is simply not used to a different format. Moreover, he builds his personal relationships with other people according to the same scheme, acting as a victim.

Meanwhile, toxic relationships are always an accumulation of negativity, so such communications should be kept to a minimum, even when it comes to your own mother. But how to determine that a relationship with her is toxic? Here are the toxic mother's favorite tricks.

1. Accuses

The phrases "You always" and "You never" are the main ones in her vocabulary. She constantly accuses the child of almost all mortal sins.

2. Reminds her of her sacrifice

A toxic mother constantly reminds her child: “I have done so much for you!”. Even when the child grows up and takes nothing from her for a long time, she still resorts to this argument and reminds him of all the sacrifices that she once made for him.

3. Chooses a favorite

Every family has favorites, but the difference between a normal mother and a toxic mother is that the first one does it unintentionally and tries not to show her sympathy. It’s just that, for example, it’s easier for her to communicate with that child who is similar in character to her. At the same time, she emphasizes that she loves everyone equally.

A toxic mother constantly weaves some kind of intrigue between her children, deliberately showing her affection for one of them. By the way, if there is only one child in the family, this is not a problem: a toxic mother will always find cousins, sisters and great-nephews to use them for her manipulations. nine0003

4. Shows aggression

A toxic mother may show overt or covert aggression. Both of these types have a negative impact on children: as a result of open aggression, they become withdrawn, have trouble sleeping and are prone to depression. And in the case of a hidden one, they risk turning into real hooligans in adolescence.

5. Uses gaslighting

What is it? This is a form of manipulation when a person makes the opponent doubt the adequacy of the perception of the surrounding reality. For example, when a girl comes to her mother and says that her brother hit her, and the mother says that the daughter herself is to blame, as she incited him. Although he knows very well: the daughter was sitting in the room and did not touch anyone. In this case, there is gaslighting from the mother. nine0003

6. Constantly teasing

They talked about favoritism, but it's much worse when a mother openly mocks a child. For example, she makes jokes about her teenage daughter's acne and says that no one will ever marry her.

7. Finds a scapegoat

A scapegoat is a person who can always be blamed. A toxic mother tends to find a scapegoat at every opportunity (often the child is the scapegoat) because that way she takes responsibility for what happened and feels healthier. nine0003

8. Ignores

A toxic mother often resorts to this technique: as soon as something does not suit her in the child's behavior, she pretends that it simply does not exist. And this ignorance can continue for hours or even days.

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Anastasia Grigoryeva

6 types, signs of each, consequences for the child

Mother is the first emotionally close person in a child's life. And mom, of course, must love him. This seems like a perfectly logical axiom. Not every person is able to believe that the very, only and dear mother can be toxic. But sometimes it still happens: a parent does not love her child and makes his life a branch of hell, actually from birth. And, as you know, all problems come from childhood. nine0003

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We are looking into psychologist Irina Barbat to see if yours is on the list of toxic mothers.

Irina Barbat

psychologist, sexologist

Surely there are girlfriends in your environment who consider themselves not beautiful enough, not good enough and smart enough. There are also those who consider themselves guilty for life: I do everything wrong, I am an ungrateful daughter, I do not help enough, I am unworthy... As a rule, such friends have low self-esteem, a constant feeling of guilt because their mother did not love them.

Let's look into mothers - what can they be?

Type one: controller

Such a woman controls everything in the world, just does not give her child a breath of fresh air. The story begins at birth: you sat down the wrong way, you spoke at the wrong age, you hold the spoon the wrong way. With age, control only intensifies. Mother begins to supervise what you wear, with whom to communicate, what to eat, what hairstyle to choose, whom to date. Any choice you make is a priori wrong. The most difficult period is adolescence. You have a boy, but he is not the same, you cannot be with him, he is unreliable, you need another. nine0003

Mother starts planning your life: daughter has no right to make her choice. The hallmark of this type of mother is that they never admit that their daughter might be on the right path. Such mother's behavior is dictated by "good" intentions. She wants her child to be fine.

Overprotection leads to the fact that you develop low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, self-doubt, insecurity. As a result, you yourself begin to feel that you are not capable of anything, that any decision you make is wrong. nine0003

Type two: cold mother

Emotionally cold, in other words. This is a woman who does not show emotions towards you in principle. She may pull away when you try to get close to her. In childhood, such a mother may not even react to the crying of a baby in a crib. She hears him, but does not approach and goes about her business.

Mother avoids physical contact with you from birth. If mom didn't take you in her arms, didn't hug, didn't kiss, didn't play, didn't rock before going to bed, then she is emotionally cold. Often such a woman treats her son very warmly, but not her daughter. There are cases when, during a divorce, such a mother gives the child to the father. And if he stays with her, then his grandparents will raise him, but not herself. nine0003

If your mother is of the cold type, then throughout your life you will feel guilty that she did not love you. And you will sorely miss this emotional closeness that you will look for in other people - usually in men.

Type three: indifferent

Such a mother doesn't care what happens to you. She never pays attention to you. It simply performs the basic functions: feed, clothe, put on shoes. But he never asks: what do you want for dinner? what are you going to wear to school today? nine0003

The following example is illustrative: mom made soup, put a plate in front of you, but she doesn't care if you want this soup or not. Such a woman will still force you to eat this dish. Your tears won't stop her. You recognize this type of mother right away: she is never interested in your feelings, desires, emotions. It doesn't matter to her. For her, it is only important that she formally performs the functions of motherhood.

With such a mother, you yourself begin to consider emotions as something insignificant. Inside you crave affection and warmth, but you don’t expect it from anyone, because even your mother didn’t give it to you. nine0003

Type four: narcissistic or narcissistic

This is perhaps the most terrible mother. Outwardly, she, as a rule, is magnificent: beautiful, charming, attractive. Such a woman usually has an excellent career, she is successful in many areas of life. But this is in public, and at home she is the complete opposite. For such a mother, you are just her continuation and nothing more. She takes little part in your upbringing, the emotional connection is very superficial.

Narcissistic mothers are queens of devaluation. Everything you do is nonsense. Your achievements are nonsense. Such a mother will always find flaws in you, she will not notice your positive qualities. She will come up with a reason to shame you and will constantly compare you with other children. And this assessment will not be in your favor: your thoughts, feelings and emotions must necessarily coincide with what such a mother thinks and feels. nine0003

A narcissistic woman can compete with you in everything from looks to men. She should always be better than you, surpass you in everything. And yes, she will never admit her mistakes.

Type five: dictator or authoritarian

Such a woman seeks not only to control you, but wants to completely and completely seize power over you. One of her favorite methods is punishment. She creates a tense atmosphere in the family, and you are afraid to make a mistake, otherwise your mother will get angry and punish you. Such mothers are manipulative geniuses. If you did something wrong, then your mother immediately got sick. All diseases will be your fault. Headache - you're the reason. My heart sank - you brought it. The pressure has risen - you again. nine0003

In relationships, an authoritarian mother is also characterized by emotional remoteness. Tenderness, affection, warmth are not her methods. Criticism and insults are her forte. She also likes to ignore you - this is her favorite form of punishment. For the slightest fault, she is ready to arrange a boycott, she can not talk to you for hours and always scares you with this.

Society does not immediately recognize such mothers, because outwardly everything is fine with her. She devotes a lot of time to you, educates you, gives you everything you need and even a little more. nine0003

Type six: unreliable

This is a mother from whom you don't know what to expect. Today she can be affectionate and gentle, caring and sensual, and tomorrow she can be a selfish tyrant, an aggressor. You cannot be safe around her, you are always haunted by a feeling of anxiety. You can never guess her behavior: she can cry for no reason, yell at you, and after five minutes hug and say warm words, after a couple of hours - again push away from her chest. nine0003

It is always dangerous with such a mother, she is like a dormant volcano. Such a woman has an emotionally unstable state, which also affects you. You may not be able to withstand all this flurry of mother's emotions and develop neurotic disorders.

Mother shows love, as a rule, in public, when there are spectators. Like in a movie or theater: she is in the frame and should be an excellent and loving mother.

These six types are rare in their pure form. As a rule, several of them are combined in one woman. It is very important for you to know the signs of your mother's toxicity in order to understand that you are not the cause of all the troubles, your mother is just like that, and nothing can be done about it.