Supporting a friend with depression

SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA

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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.

No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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6 phrases to support a loved one in a difficult period

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Practices how to Antistress

1. “Just know: I am always there”

Having made it clear that you are ready to be there in any situation, you are already providing support. A suffering person realizes how painful, and sometimes burdensome for others, his condition, and begins to close himself off from people. Your words will make him feel less alone and isolated.

You can even say nothing - just be there, listen, or just be silent together. Your presence will help a person overcome the internal blockade, will make him feel: he is still loved and accepted.

2. “What can I do to help you?”

People experiencing a psychological breakdown are often unable to answer this question. However, your words will help someone who is going through a difficult period to listen to himself, to his desires.

Even if you are told that you don't need anything, believe me - it was very important to hear this question. And if a person decides to tell and you listen to him, it will be a huge help for him.

3. “I really like you…”

In moments of depression, we lose self-confidence and often self-respect. And if you make a compliment, pointing out the winning sides and qualities: delicate taste, attention and kindness, features of appearance, this will help you start treating yourself with more attention and love.

4. “Yes, I also think that it is hard and unfair”

Deep experiences make you mentally return to the events that caused them again and again, and the environment begins to seem that he is exaggerating and it is high time to pull himself together.

Depressed people become hypersensitive, and in order for the interlocutor to trust you, it is important to make it clear that you share his emotions. You acknowledge that he has been treated unfairly and the circumstances he is going through are difficult. If he feels that his bitter feelings are accepted, and not devalued, he will more likely find the strength to move on.

5. "I'll help you find a way out"

If you see a person sinking into a deep depression, the best thing you can do is help them get professional support.

For many people who have never experienced therapy before, the prospect of going to a specialist is daunting. You can contact a psychotherapist yourself and invite a loved one to accompany him to the first appointment. In a state of depression, there is often no strength to turn to outside help, and your support will be invaluable.

6. “I understand you: it happened to me too”

If you or someone close to you has gone through similar ups and downs in life, tell us about it. Your openness will help the person become more outspoken.

The more and more freely he talks about what torments him, realizing that words resonate, the less helpless and lonely he feels. And gradually the situation will begin to be perceived not so hopeless.

About the Author: Gene Kim is Professor of Psychiatry at George Washington University.

Text: Sabina Safarova Photo Source: Getty Images

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Supporting a partner with depression

11/22/2019

Depression is one of the most common mental disorders, affecting more than 350 million people of all age groups.

Every year about 150 million people in the world lose their ability to work due to depression

The support of family and friends is essential in the treatment of mental disorders. However, depression can negatively impact relationships and leave loved ones feeling helpless, frustrated, or afraid.

There are ways people can support a partner with depression on their journey to recovery.

Questions to ask about symptoms

To understand the severity of a person's depression, it is helpful to study how these symptoms affect their life.

Asking about symptoms also shows a person that his partner is interested in his feelings and experiences.

Useful questions to ask include:

Can you help me understand how you feel?
What activities do you find enjoyable right now?
Do you enjoy spending time with other people?
What's wrong with your energy?
Do you sleep more or less than usual?
Do you eat more or less than usual?
Can you focus on things right now?
Do you have thoughts of death or suicide?

Questions to avoid

Avoid asking questions that seem judgmental or that place blame on the person with depression. They may already be blaming themselves for their symptoms and need support rather than further judgment.

It is also important not to oversimplify depression, which is a serious illness.

Examples of questions to avoid include:

Why can't you just cheer up?
Don't I make you happy?
When will you feel better?
Don't you realize that it's all in your head?
Why do you attach such importance to this?
Do you know that others are in a much worse situation than you?

Partner support

1. Learn about depression

Learning about depression can make it easier to support those with depression. Learning about symptoms often helps people recognize symptoms in their loved ones.

Symptoms can range from mild to severe and may change over time. However, symptoms must last at least 2 weeks before a doctor can diagnose depression.

Symptoms of depression may include:

feelings of sadness, worthlessness or guilt
loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
changes in appetite or weight
changes in sleep habits
fatigue and loss of energy
difficulty concentrating or making decisions
thoughts of death or suicide

2. Understand and acknowledge your partner's feelings

It is important to listen to a person with depression and express empathy, which is the ability to understand and share other people's feelings. One way to show empathy is to mirror what the person is saying.

For example, if he says, "I just feel like things will never get better," their partner might reflect this by saying, "that sounds like you're not hopeful for the future."

Constant attempts to cheer up a person are useless, as this devalues his condition and feelings. Phrases like “tomorrow will be better” or “try to cheer up” do not take into account the nature of the disease.

3. Ask your partner what they want from you

To show further understanding and support, ask the person what they need. He may need:

medication reminders
company when visiting a doctor or visiting therapy
homemade meals
encouragement to socialize or exercise
hug or hold the hand
to sometimes be left alone

Useful questions to ask include:

How can I help you?
Would it be helpful if I...?

4. Encourage your partner to heal

Depression can cause a person to lose their motivation, which can be a barrier to seeking treatment. However, most people with depression need treatment to get better.

Those who support someone with depression can play an important role in their recovery by encouraging them to seek medical help.

To inspire a partner to seek treatment, a person can try:

joint detection and documentation of your partner's symptoms
expression of desire to help
discussion of treatment options such as medication, psychotherapy and lifestyle changes
accompaniment to doctor appointments

5. Support your partner during recovery

Recovery from depression can sometimes be difficult. To support a partner in the recovery process:

help them keep track of their prescriptions and medications
do some physical exercise together
plan and prepare healthy meals together
try to reduce stressors at home
make your goals small and achievable
encourage them to socialize with other people
plan fun activities together
pay attention to the person's progress towards recovery
avoid forcing treatment on a person

Let your partner know they are not alone when you say:

I'm here for you.
We'll deal with this together.

6. Accept that there will be bad days

People with depression have good days and bad days. To cope with bad days:

expect them to happen
understand that this is a normal part of depression
don't give up love and support at this time
take some time and do something nice, either alone or with others
remember that not every day will be like this - there will be good days

7. Take care of yourself

When a person supports a partner with depression, it is very important to take the time to enjoy hobbies and other activities for yourself.

Caring for a partner with depression can be draining, frustrating and intimidating.

Research shows that having a spouse with depression increases a person's risk of developing depressive symptoms. This risk is especially high when a man is supportive of a depressed woman.

Those caring for someone with a mental illness should also take care of their own mental health. They can do it:

trying to stay positive
having realistic expectations about the recovery process
knowing that they also have the right to be heard and respected
taking time out and doing pleasurable activities and hobbies
interacting with other people besides their partner
seeking help from friends or relatives
doing regular exercise
eating healthy
trying to get more sleep and rest
visiting a psychologist or psychological support groups

Professional support

Professional treatment is an important part of the recovery process. The first step is often to see a doctor, who can recommend treatment, psychotherapy, or both.

For particularly severe depressive symptoms or in life-threatening situations, seek emergency care.

Beginning of form

People with depression may be at risk of suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, more than half of those who die by suicide suffer from major depression.

Partners of those who suffer from depression should be aware of the warning signs of suicide so that they can take prompt action if necessary. Warning signs include:

talking about death or suicide
having a suicide plan
preparation of means of suicide, e.g. collection of pills
preparation for death, e.g. by making a will
distribution of things
farewell to family and friends
engaging in risky or reckless behavior
extreme changes in mood or personality
leaving society

If a person suspects that someone is in imminent risk of suicide, they should seek emergency help.

If someone believes that a loved one is contemplating suicide but is not in immediate danger, they should contact the person's doctor and seek support from other family members or a support group.

Learn more