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How do you know if your ex has moved on


Signs That Your Ex Has Moved On and Is Over You

So Your Ex Clearly Doesn’t Want to Get Back Together? Here’s How to Handle That

Alex Manley

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Some people believe there are two stages to every person’s breakup: when you first break up, and then when your ex gets over you. And while the second portion of the breakup doesn’t receive as much notoriety as the first, it can feel just as devastating (if not more so). 

As a result, people who are freshly broken up with often expend an immense amount of emotional energy trying to figure out if their ex still has feelings for them. While it can be difficult — if not impossible — to know for sure if your ex is over you or not, it’s worth asking whether there are, in fact, key things to look out for. 

RELATED: Here’s How to Recover From a Breakup

In order to better understand the signs that your ex has moved on, we spoke with three dating experts, and two people who went through difficult, extended break-ups. Here’s what they had to say.

What It Means to Be ‘Over’ Someone

In order to truly understand when someone moves on, how and what it looks like, first we need to understand what it means to truly be “over” an ex. 

According to dating expert Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., it’s less a sign that you’ll never feel another single feeling for this person, and more that they’re simply not holding you back from seeking out other people. 

“Being over someone means that you are no longer emotionally invested in them to the extent that it is causing you to put other relationships (or the pursuit of finding new relationships) on hold,” says Cohen. “You may always be emotionally connected to an ex, especially if you were in a loving, securely attached relationship with them.”

For Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of “Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today,” it’s also about no longer being in a dark, post-breakup place associated with your ex.  

“Being over someone means that you're no longer in emotional turmoil or pain about the relationship, you've done your grieving and you're open to new things in your life,” she says. 

It doesn’t mean you don’t have any regrets or that you don’t care about the other person at all. Instead, it means that the old relationship and the breakup aren’t taking up a lot of emotional space for you anymore, and instead, you’re moving forward and focusing on other parts of life. 

As Jennifer, one of the people I spoke to about a difficult breakup, told me, an ex you're still in close contact starting to move on can be bittersweet — but it can also help you move on. 

“I feel like we reached a stage where he sort of wanted more (not really from me, just in life) and I wasn’t quite ready to want more. I had really just settled into our comfortable routine. It didn’t feel dramatic, it didn’t feel fraught, it just sort of was an easing out of a comfort zone. It was sort of sad to say goodbye to that stage, but I wasn’t angry or scared and I think not feeling those two emotions makes it easier for me to be a bit more relaxed about it.”

Signs Your Ex Is Over You

That’s all very well and good when it’s happening to you, but what about when it’s happening to your ex? 

Right after a breakup, it can be heartbreaking to watch someone you used to have a deep, meaningful connection to move on (or seem like they’re moving on) from afar, without any real access to what they’re actually thinking and feeling. Most likely, even if you were to ask them if they still had feelings for you, they wouldn’t necessarily be honest or forthcoming.

All you have to go off of are signs and signals. That’s things you see your ex post on social media, things you hear about them doing from a mutual acquaintance or clues you can pick up from things that have changed.

However, as Cohen points out, “signals aren’t that clear-cut. ”

“When we send messages to another person, we have to consider the sender’s intention, the receiver’s perception and contextual information,” she says. “Therefore, a person may be attempting to signal that they’re over the partner by publicly displaying that they’ve moved on with others. This may all be a carefully curated facade, and may not actually mean that the person has healed and is moving on from the relationship.”

Basically, anything you see or hear of your ex doing after a breakup could be misinterpreted. 

They’re going on dates? It could be in an attempt to numb the pain of missing you, or it could be that they’re enjoying meeting new people. They’re staying in a lot? They could be crying themselves to sleep, or catching up on some of their favorite books and movies. They blocked you online? Maybe they hate your guts, or they miss you so much that seeing your profile picture would feel devastating. 

It could also just be all of the above. That being said, there are a few signs that are relatively good indicators of an ex having truly gotten over you:

1. Communication Dwindles

Relationships are built on interactions, and if you’re not in touch in one way or another — in person, on the phone, or elsewhere — there’s not really a relationship. Accordingly, when you break up with someone, your conversations typically become shorter and more infrequent.

However, sometimes people keep in touch an ex long after a breakup, and that can be a sign that one or both partners isn’t fully over the relationship yet. 

“After breaking up, it’s normal for one or both partners to cling to the scraps of connection by continuing to text or talk,” says Connell Barrett, dating coach for The League. “If your ex has halted small-talk messages (‘Hey, you… How’s your day?’) and no longer shares life updates with you, it’s a sign that you’re in their rear-view.”

2. Interactions Become Less Fun

There’s another way for two people’s conversations to dwindle: by losing intensity, as well as frequency. You might be talking about the same amount, but if these start to feel less and less fun, that could be a sign that your ex’s heart is no longer in it. 

“Another sign it’s over for them is that the flirtation is gone from your texting and messaging,” says Barrett. “Any interactions are logical and informational, without the humor, teasing or playful banter that happens when two people are romantically attached to each other.”

That’s something that Marcus, another person I spoke with who went through a difficult breakup, noticed. 

“Three months post-breakup, I realized that although we hung out regularly, she only contacted me when she wanted to hook up, or needed some kind of practical help with something (transportation of a new bed, for example). I was still contacting her for other kinds of activities (art galleries, dinners, etc.). For a while, it still felt like a diverse relationship, in a way, until I noticed that imbalance. ”

Though sex was still part of the picture, the relationship between them was no longer romantic for his ex — a clear sign that things were over in an emotional sense. 

3. Interactions Become Less Awkward

Another sign that your ex has moved on is that your interactions might get better. 

While this is more likely to happen after a lengthy period of silence immediately following the breakup, a positive uptick in tone or frequency of interaction might be misread as your ex wanting to get back together with you. In reality, it means they’ve processed their emotions around the breakup, and are ready to be friendly. 

“If your ex is still in contact, and is no longer pining over you, blaming you or stalking you, they're probably over you,” says Tessina. “If your ex is ready to be friendly, especially with someone new you are dating, then they're definitely over you. If your ex was incommunicado, and is now making contact, they're probably over you. ”

Depending on where you’re at emotionally, that could be the start of a wonderful friendship with your ex … or it could be heartbreaking. 

4. They Get Serious With Someone Else

Perhaps no sign is more conclusive of an ex being fully over you than their getting into a serious relationship with someone else. 

RELATED: Here’s How to Avoid Rebound Relationship Disasters

While it’s possible to still be pining for your ex when you start dating after a breakup, typically, the further into a serious relationship you go, the more your feelings for your ex (or exes) will fade as the new person in your life takes priority. 

“One sure sign that they’re over you? They’re in a new relationship,” says Barrett. “They’re not just going on dates but are now ‘seeing someone.’ You’ll know this if they start posting ‘couple-y’ photos on their social media.”

However, as Marcus explained, even going on non-serious dates can signal that a big shift has occurred.

“The really obvious moment [I realized she was over me] was about six months post-breakup, when we were still occasionally hooking up (but less often than during the first few months), and she casually mentioned going on a date with someone else. [She] started to tell me about it as if that was a completely normal thing to do (which for her, I'm sure it was.)”

Depending on whether you were monogamous or not, and your ex’s relationship to casual dating, that might be totally meaningless. In Marcus’s case, his ex’s comfort talking about this other date signalled that something had seriously shifted. 

How to Deal With Your Ex Being Over You 

If the above signs sound familiar to you, your ex might well be totally over you — and that’s OK.

Maybe that’s the outcome you were hoping for, but if you’re one of the many, many people who don’t want their exes to have moved on just yet, it might feel strange to imagine a world where someone who was once so important to you simply doesn’t hold you in their heart like that anymore.  

RELATED: Here’s What to Do When Your Ex Moves On

But as Tessina says, it’s time to start embracing the future yourself. 

“You must let them go,” she advises. “The relationship you had with this ex is over. If your ex comes back later, you'll need to begin a brand new relationship on new terms; this old one is over.”

So what does that look like? 

“Be distantly friendly when you encounter each other,” she suggests. “Do not attempt to work out unresolved relationship issues with your ex. Let it be. Don't bad mouth your ex to friends. It will get back to them, and you'll look bad. Change your focus to the future.”

Barrett agrees that looking forward is the best approach to realizing your ex has moved on, and that it can even be a net positive in your life. 

“If your ex moves on first, face it — it’s going to sting,” he says. “But you can reframe it as a kind of gift. Don’t isolate yourself socially — reconnect with friends and family because spending time with loved ones keeps your emotions in a good place. Avoid relationship reminders — don’t swipe through your phone looking at photos of you and your ex, and stay away from places that the two of you went to together. And when you’re ready, take new actions to start dating again. The secret to moving on is to move forward.”

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40 Signs Your Ex Has Moved On *OR NOT* & How to Deal with the Heartbreak

Just because you broke up, it doesn’t mean things are over. You can dwell on the pain and even pine for your ex for months after a breakup. But, if you recognize the signs your ex has moved on, you might be able to move on quicker yourself.

Knowing your ex isn’t holding out for you can give you the motivation to move forward and let go. If you’re unsure about their feelings, it can hold you back.

Of course, you can’t text your ex to ask if they’ve moved on without seeming desperate or needy. So, instead, learn to spot the signs your ex has moved on. Then move on yourself.

How to spot the signs your ex has moved on

Without straight out asking your ex if they want you back or if they’ve moved on, it is actually pretty easy to figure out if they have or not. All you need is a good eye and some social media sleuthing skills.

By using every tool at your disposal, you can spot the signs your ex has moved on quickly and without too much work. You can look to social media to determine your ex’s current standing. Just a simple scroll through their feed will help you deduce whether they are still hanging onto your relationship or not.

Alongside social media, mutual friends are a great information source. Now, you don’t want to force your friends to choose sides, but by simply asking how they’re doing, you can learn a lot. [Read: How to stalk on social media and find just what you are looking for]

Also, look at your interactions with them to figure out if your ex has moved on. How do they speak to you? What is it like if you run into them, or go to get your sweatshirt back from their place?

Keep your eyes open and be alert to any signs your ex has moved on.

The subtle yet very apparent signs your ex has moved on

Now that you know where to look for the signs your ex has moved on, you can learn what those signs actually are. [Read: The subtle signs your ex misses you after you break up]

Some are pretty obvious. Others can be subtle and harder to analyze, so pay attention. In no time at all, you can know for sure whether or not your ex has moved on.

1. Things were off before the breakup

Breakups are not always mutual, and if your ex broke up with you after a few weeks or even months of weirdness, chances are they were over you before the actual breakup.

This is a major sign your ex has moved on. Relationships last longer than they should because people can’t actually do the dumping until they are completely fed up with their situation. 

If things felt off before they became your ex, their feelings are way off now. [Read: Should I break up with my girlfriend? When, why and 43 signs it’s time – plus how to do it right]

2. They have not contacted you

After breaking up, your ex has not attempted to contact you, and it is always you who tries to contact them. They may not want to discuss anything with you, or have found no reason to look back or resolve anything.

Furthermore, they may have even changed their number, or are simply not available to talk. Even your voicemail offering to stay friends went unanswered.

Bottom line is, if they wanted to reconcile, they would have sought you out. So this is one of the major signs that your ex has moved on. [Read: Should you have no contact with your ex?]

3.

They don’t reply to your messages

Now, if your ex goes beyond not reaching out into actively avoiding your messages, they are most definitely over you. An ex with feelings will always reply to you. 

But, if you reach out to see how they are, even as a friend, and they don’t answer, it is totally over for them. [Read: The no contact rule – What it is, why it works, and how to use it well]

4. They are off social media

If your ex is quiet on social media, it’s probably because they are happy. When you’re enjoying life, you are in the moment, not online. If you haven’t seen any activity from your ex online, they aren’t wallowing in sadness; they are happy and over it.

5. They deleted your couple photos

One day, you open your social media account, and they don’t show up in your feed anymore. You can’t cyber-stalk them and see where they’ve been hanging out since you broke up. 

Your ex has removed you from all of their social networking sites. [Read: Psychology behind deleting photos of an ex – What it says about you]

In addition to changing their relationship status from “in a relationship” to “single,” they have completely blocked you from all their social media accounts — a clear sign that they are erasing you from their life.

They want zero reminders. They may even want to start dating others, and don’t want potential partners seeing all your cute pictures.

6. They cut all ties and block you

It is hard to cut out all forms of communication with someone these days. If your ex unfriends you, blocks you and even removes themselves from mutual groups, they are definitely over you. [Read: How to stop obsessing over your ex and feel your mind for something new]

Sure, they may just want to remove all temptation – but if they aren’t fully over you yet, this will do the trick.

7. They are cold

We don’t mean temperature-wise, but in behavior. If you interact with your ex after the breakup and they are polite, yet emotionless… they have moved on. 

When an ex has moved on, they won’t reminisce or be bitter. They will treat you like a colleague – polite yet distant. This is definitely a huge sign that your ex has moved on. [Read: 30 steps to take to help you make it through a breakup]

8.

They act like they don’t care

A telltale sign someone hasn’t moved on is trying too hard to make it seem like they have. If your ex doesn’t care about what you see them doing, or if they are living it up, they’ve moved on.

9. Your ex has returned all your stuff

The only time they ever contacted you was right after you broke up: they asked to have the keys to their place back.

They also asked to have their shirts, their jackets, their favorite pillow and blanket, their autographed baseball hat, and even the jewelry they gave you returned. Not only are they over you, but they want nothing to do with you.

10. Your ex has told you to move on

Whether you were the one to end things or your ex was, there could be times you tried to contact them to ask to get back together. Each time, however, they have told you that they have moved on and you should, too. [Read: How to help your ex move on and help you both find peace]

You’re about to tell them that you will change to make things better, but they cut you off. “It’s not me, its you,” they say.

This puts an end to any hope for reconciliation because they are denying you any opportunity to try and repair the damage done to the relationship. By implying that they themselves are the problem, they are telling you to stay back and stay away.

11. Your ex has forgotten your name or your number

A friend tells you how they bumped into your ex and asked about you, but your ex’s reaction was complete confusion. It’s like they’ve forgotten all about you. [Read: 8 reasons getting back with your ex is self-sabotage]

That may be an extreme example but forgetting about you is a clear indication that they have already moved on. You may have even tried to call or text them, only to receive a brutal answer: “Who is this?”

12. Your ex does not show any signs of regret or loneliness

While they may not have deleted you off their friends list, you may find yourself utterly tortured by the sight of them having the time of their life. They are going out with friends, traveling, meeting new people, and even doing things that they didn’t do while you were together.

Seeing picture after picture of their happily grinning face may be too much proof that they have moved on. So, if they don’t block you from their social network account, seeing what you think is their insufferably blissful face might compel you to do it yourself. This seems like a kind of obvious sign that your ex has moved on. [Read: Are you jealous of your ex?]

13. Your ex is fine if you’re around

You visit the place you used to frequent together, and out of the blue, they pop up next to you. They greet you with a casual, “Hi, how are you?”

Your mind races to answer that you’re miserable and you miss them, and you want to get back with them, but all you can manage to reply is, “I’m fine.” 

Deep inside, though, you’re not. But the same can’t be said of your ex; they are clearly thriving and happy and are genuinely over you. They have no hard feelings about your breakup, and they are clearly comfortable around you.

14. Your ex is fine even if you’re not around

Your ex is loving life and doing great at their job. This means they are happy and don’t need you anymore, because they can enjoy life without having you around. 

They are creating new experiences for themselves, learning new things, going to new places, or even taking up a hobby they never got to try while you were together. Clearly, they have left you behind for good.

15. Your ex has started dating other people

Another clear *not to mention painful* indication that your ex has moved on is that they have started seeing other people. 

For example, you see them going into the fancy restaurant you always wanted to go to when you were dating. Yet this time, they have another person beside them. They look happy and in love. [Read: The sure-fire ways to deal with an ex seeing someone new]

If they have started dating other people, it is clear they have moved on. You may ask mutual friends about them, and they tell you about their dating habits and current flames. 

If they are clearly happy with someone they’re dating, that’s a sure-fire sign that you are out of the picture – and there is no going back. [Read: 23 subtle signs to know if your ex still loves you even if they act like they don’t care]

16. They try to set you up with someone else

Okay, now if this isn’t one of the biggest signs that your ex has moved on, then what is? If they are trying to get you to go out with someone else, and they are the ones who are doing the matchmaking, then you know there is no going back.

They want you to move on so badly that they set you up with other people.[Read: 7 resolute ways to resist the urge to call your ex]

17. They ask for their stuff back

When you are dating someone, it’s natural for people to leave some of their belongings at their partner’s place.

Whether it’s their favorite t-shirt, their bottle opener, or coffee maker, they now want their stuff back. They don’t ever see themselves going back to your place, so they need it back in their house now.

18. It doesn’t bother them if you are dating

If you casually bump into them and tell them you are seeing someone, they act genuinely happy for you. You can see on their face that they are thrilled.

It doesn’t bother them because they don’t want you back. They secretly hope that you are over them too and are truly moving on.

19. Their friends stop talking to you

If you aren’t taking the breakup well, then they might tell their friends to back away from you too. This is especially true if you have been bugging their friends to see how they are doing or how to get them back.

Their friends might even be annoyed with you, so their only solution is to just stop talking to you. [Read: Letting go of your ex – The best ways to make it easier]

20. They don’t flaunt their new relationship

If they have truly moved on and into a new relationship, they have no desire to rub it in your face. If they still had feelings for you, then maybe they would try to parade their new partner around so you could see.

But they don’t even care. In fact, they want you to move on, and so they think that if they keep their new relationship status to themselves, then you will do just that.

Are you sure your ex moved on quickly?

Now you know the signs that your ex has moved on. But when you go through a breakup, your mind goes over everything. Where did things go wrong? You were so happy. What happened? Are they thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about them?

When you are going through a loss like that, you can overanalyze everything. Maybe you think your ex has moved on because they aren’t reaching out to you or responding to your texts.

But everyone deals with a breakup differently. You may want to talk to them and get closure, while they need to shut down communication and have space to move on.

Maybe they posted a photo on Instagram out at a bar, so you assume they are doing okay. In reality, their friends may have had to drag them there. You may have even heard through the grapevine that they hooked up with someone.

But are you really just overthinking things? A lot of people have been there. [Read: Is my ex thinking about me? The guide to pick all the right signs]

You’re crying in bed and watching a sappy movie and pigging out on ice cream while scrolling through your feed only to see your ex out with people you don’t recognize. It can feel like a slap in the face.

You assume they just let go of your relationship and bury yourself deeper in mourning. [Read: 30 steps to take to help you make it through a breakup]

The thing is you are letting your feelings blur reality. Just because you hear a rumor or see a photo doesn’t mean you know what is actually going on. 

Having a rebound relationship, going out drinking, or blocking you from their phone may be their way of dealing with the breakup while yours is overthinking and wallowing in bed.

Unless you know for certain that your ex moved on quickly, there is no need to fret over it. This is your time to move on without dealing with what they’re doing. [Read: 25 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking about you]

How to deal with your ex being over you

So, now you know the signs that your ex moved on. Sometimes, having to face that is almost like going through the breakup all over again.

Yes, it’s a horrible feeling, but there are ways to handle it that are actually healthy, productive, and don’t make you want to dive into an Instagram stalking hole.

1. Stay off social media

The worst thing you can do when an ex moved on quickly is to follow their adventures. Whether it is their Instagram, or a mutual friend’s post where your ex is in the background talking to some blurry thing *and you can’t tell if it’s a hot person or barstool*, just look away. [Read: These heart healing tricks will soothe you after a breakup]

It takes a lot of willpower to control the urge to spy on your ex. But there is nothing about this that will benefit you. You don’t need them to feel miserable for you to be better. You don’t need to know what they’re up to.

The healthiest thing you can do is block or mute their online presence and even their phone number if necessary.

2. Realize everyone moves on at different paces

You now know the signs that your ex has moved on, but just like everything in life, there isn’t a clear-cut timeline for how long it takes. Not everyone has kids by 30 or is married by 25.

Not everyone finishes college in four years or even goes to college. Why would a breakup be any different? [Read: 16 lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]

Some people can hide their emotions while others are more expressive. And some people can keep things in the past while others have regrets. You do not need to get over your breakup at the same pace as your ex did.

3. Know it has nothing to do with you

Just because your ex moved on quickly doesn’t mean they didn’t have feelings for you. It doesn’t mean they didn’t enjoy your relationship. It doesn’t mean they picked this new person over you.

When someone moves on from a relationship quickly, it is about their process, not about you. Seeing your recent ex with someone new can feel like a punch to the gut. It can be embarrassing and lonely, but it really has nothing to do with you. [Read: Why your now-ex chose someone else over you]

4. Stop comparing

Moving on from a relationship is not a competition. The person who moves on first isn’t the winner. There is no right or wrong way to move on.

Yes, maybe they moved on quickly, and you feel like you’re trailing behind struggling to get out of bed or delete your joint profile picture. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or wrong.

5. Don’t hate on the person they’re with

One thing we do when we see our ex move on quickly is attack the person they are with now. We don’t mean physically attack, of course. We mock them with our friends. We judge them. And we send negative vibes to their new relationship. [Read: The 10 stages of a breakup and how to get through each of them]

Not only is that an ugly thing to do, but it is also unfair and only adds to your negative feelings. This person is innocent. They didn’t hurt you or steal your ex or take your last piece of gum. They are just entering a new relationship with someone that has a past with you.

You don’t need to pray that they’re happy and their relationship thrives, but sending them bad thoughts is only going to bring you down.

6. You have control over how you react

Life isn’t about how you act but how you react. You have control over what you do. If you see your ex moved on quickly and is in a new relationship, you don’t need to get wasted and drunk-text them how much you miss them and how their new partner is ugly or fake. [Read: Still thinking of your ex or miss them often? Read this!]

Don’t lash out. It isn’t healthy or productive. It won’t help you move on or prevent them from moving on. All it does is set you back. Faking it is just as bad. 

You don’t need to go out and post hot photos of yourself to make your ex think you are over them. It is petty and unnecessary. Focusing on moving on and not worrying about what they think will help you handle the whole situation more maturely.

7. It’s okay to not be okay

There is no rush for you to move on. Of course, seeing that your ex moved on quickly can put pressure on you to catch up, but it is perfectly alright to be upset. You can mourn and face this loss. You can struggle and be sad. It is okay to cry and vent to friends and miss them.

As long as you don’t let those feelings invade your life or control your actions, take as much time as you need to move on. [Read: 58 life-changing secrets to get over a breakup and heal your heart]

8. Enjoy your time being single

Look at the positive aspects of being single. Think about all the things you have time for. Think about what you no longer have to deal with.

Being single isn’t a punishment or something to dread. It is something to celebrate and make the most of.

9. Have a friend call you out

Venting to a friend about your breakup and the fact that your ex moved on quickly is healthy. But don’t let it take over your friendship. Ask a friend you trust to call you out when you are getting away from yourself. [Read: How to make it easier to let go of your ex]

You might have caught your friends and even yourself just repeating yourself about an ex. When you’re with a friend, enjoy your time – don’t just complain about your ex taking their new boo on vacation. 

Overdoing the venting will only make your ex occupy your mind even more, and prevent you from moving forward.

10. Focus on moving on yourself

Instead of worrying about what your ex is doing and how happy they seem, consider your future. You won’t be upset and sad and lonely forever. This time is only temporary.

If you focus on putting yourself back out there, even in a subtle way, you can move on too. [Read: 12 reasons why the no-contact rule works every single time]

How long does it take to move on? 

This is a difficult question to answer because everyone is different. Some people have already “moved on” before they even break up. Yet for others, it takes months or even years to move on. Some people never do, and pine away for that person for the rest of their lives.

A few things help determine how long it takes to move on. First, were you broken up with by your ex, or did you do the breaking up? Or maybe it was mutual. If you were broken up with – and especially if it was unexpected – then that is the most difficult scenario to get over.

However, if you broke up with your ex, or if it was mutual, then it will take a shorter amount of time to get over it. Just because you wanted to break up doesn’t mean it’s easy to move on. It’s still a loss, so you need to grieve. [Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup? 3 months and more timeline]

As a general rule, however long you were together, it might take that long to get over it. For example, if you were together for two years, then it might take two years to fully be able to move on.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t date other people. It just means that it always takes some time to get over relationships, especially when they are long-term.

Signs your ex is pretending to be over you – but is still hung up on you

If you have noticed these signs that your ex has moved on, it is time for you to move on too. But if these signs don’t seem familiar, you may want to look for other signs that your ex is still hung up on you.

From there, you can decide whether to make it clear to them that you have moved on, or maybe rekindle an old flame. [Read: Does my ex miss me? 23 signs your ex is clearly not over you yet]

1. They like your social media posts

An ex who hasn’t totally shut the door on you will keep their foot in the door. They may not reach out in a straightforward manner, but they will keep up with you online. There is a sense of attendance in your life.

2. They want to keep in touch

Sure, some exes can stay friends, but usually not right away. If your ex never took a step back and always wanted to talk daily, it is probably because they are still hung up on you.

Someone who has moved on wouldn’t need constant communication. This is definitely not one of the signs your ex has moved on. [Read: 15 reasons why your ex still texts you and stays in touch]

3. They bring up the good old days

Have you ever bumped into an ex? If you have, then you know that it is awkward. But you probably still interact with some small talk and part ways. If your ex talks about memories or makes plans, they are not over you.

4. They go where you are

An ex that is still hung up on you will try to show up where you might be. They may go to your favorite restaurants or even hang around your neighborhood hoping to run into you. 

Yes, this is near-stalker behavior. It is definitely something you should shut down if possible. [Read: Is it possible to remain friends after a breakup?]

5. They keep up with your dating life

An ex that has moved on doesn’t care if you have moved on. But an ex that still has feelings will want to know if you’re seeing someone new. They may ask you about your relationship status or try to get that information from your friends.

6. The immediately rebound with someone else

As the saying goes, “if you fall off a horse, just get right back up in the saddle.” In other words, in order to make themselves feel better about your breakup, they decide to find someone else to help heal their wounds. So, if they immediately rebound, that’s probably what they’re trying to do.

7. They post an excessive amount of party pictures with the opposite sex

If they are pretending to be having fun and that they are over you, then you might find that they post a lot of photos on social media that make it look like the opposite sex is interested in them.

And by that, we mean groups of them. They are the “life of the party” and the hottest thing around – *at least that’s what they want you to think*. [Read: Should you text your ex happy birthday? 20 yes-or-no signs and 35 text ideas]

8. The repeatedly block and unblock you

If they aren’t over you, they will vacillate between desperately wanting to talk to you and not wanting to. Talking to you makes them feel better and worse all at the same time. But not talking to you makes them feel the same. So, they can’t make up their mind which is worse.

9. They drunk-dial you

Oh, those dreaded drunk-dials! We all know what that’s all about. When people drink, their true selves and feelings come out. They aren’t as able to suppress their emotions or monitor their actions as when they’re sober. So, if they drunk-dial you, then they’re not over you.

10. They contact your friends, and their friends contact you

They might think it’s a bad idea to contact you, but they might feel like it’s okay to contact your friends. The reason they do this is to see how you’re feeling and if you’re still in love with them. They also might have their friends contact you for the same reason. [Read: 7 Reasons why staying friends with your ex doesn’t work]

Final thoughts

Relationships, no matter how great and seemingly long-lasting, sometimes do end. That’s the reality. It is painful and heartbreaking. 

You may be overcome with a mix of emotions: confusion, hurt, anger, embarrassment, shame, and loneliness. However, always remember that things happen for a reason, and there is no use looking back – you’ll only lose sight of the things that are ahead of you.

[Read: Still attached to your ex? 26 signs, why it happens, and how to break free]

So, have you seen the signs your ex has moved on? Or is your ex is still hoping to win you back? The key to happiness is not to dwell on the past, but to be strong enough to make the most of your life and keep moving forward.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

When an ex finds another

216,439

Relationship crisisMan and womanJealousy

Anna from Bologna, 35, admits: “Since Mario started a new romance, I console myself with the fact that it will not last long. I dumped him after two years of trying to be together, and now I suddenly feel liquidated. I am under the pressure of being a single mother, I have an uncertain future, and it is very difficult for me to believe in a new love.

29-year-old Elizabeth, a lawyer, cannot bear the fact that her ex is in a perfect idyll, although she literally just slammed the door in his face. “I keep scratching my head endlessly, I’m worried ... And now he’s all happy, and with him is a super-sweet girl, a natural blonde (I’m a brunette), who settled at his house three weeks after I moved out” .

There are many such stories. Is it possible to imagine an indifferent Cecilia Martin, while Nicolas Sarkozy was already thinking about the next marriage just two months after a seemingly painful divorce for him? Of course not, someone who has had a similar experience will answer . ..

This is how a child puts his doll aside, but he will not be able to bear it if someone else takes it to play. and psychotherapist from Milan. “They experience replacement as a social necessity, and they need a girl who would be there to carry around with them everywhere and, as it were, flaunt. Often men are content with the very state of the search or a completely superficial relationship. They immediately try to find another for themselves in order to make sure that they are still able to love and be loved.

But women take a long time preparing for a breakup and give themselves time. They will not start a new relationship until they understand what exactly led to the failure of the previous ones. They need to heal their wounds. And, on top of everything else, they do not survive almost instantaneous comparison with another woman.

“I wanted Alexander to stop suffering because of me, but when he introduced me to his new girlfriend Leah (rather plain and lacking in charm), I felt devalued. Did he really fall in love with that gray mouse after me? - laments 39-year-old Irina, architect. “Then I really mean nothing to him.”

When they leave the man

He told her: "It's all over." She begged him to come back. Then, some time later, she meets another and falls in love.

“That doesn't happen often,” says Marcello Bruognolo. “Women are wary of starting new relationships, but it’s easier for younger people to leave the breakup behind. But the replaced man can even react aggressively.”

“He can show both jealousy and resentment,” Lucia Chiarioni explains, “he can be cruel to children, commit major and minor economic repressions, limit personal freedom, refuse the idea that he has been “archived.”

“There are men who adhere to the psychology of the harem,” Bruognolo reflects. “Even if he left the woman, he still wants her to be attached to him, he has a childish claim to be loved, noticed, looked after, especially if this relationship was important to him. ” The confrontation can get serious. If the suffering is great, it is better to turn to a specialist: it is very difficult to overcome this stream of feelings on your own.

Trap of doubt

Most often, women find themselves very depressed at the end of every love story, even if they themselves insisted on breaking up. “We like to feel irreplaceable,” notes Chiarioni, “to imagine that we left an indelible mark on his life. If he swore in love and said that he could not live without you, we will not be able to appreciate and understand the speed with which he will try to console himself.

Demonstrating interest in another woman, a man becomes desirable again. “However, attention is not love,” explains Marcello Bruognolo, a psychotherapist from Milan, “it is an infantile feeling of omnipotence that brings to the surface the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bpossessing another person (I must say, erroneous).

How many times do we say “you are mine”, “I am yours” and so on? A discarded item regains interest if someone else wants it. So the child puts his doll aside, but he will not be able to bear it if someone else takes it to play. During a breakup, childish selfishness comes out and the man, being weaker, needs immediate satisfaction.

Former or former, by the way, often doubt the choice made. “I could no longer understand whether I was right in divorcing Andrey,” says 32-year-old Arina, the director. - I put myself in the place of his new bride and asked myself: what was there in him that I did not notice? Maybe I was wrong? ..” Doubt is part of the gap, and it is present both before the final decision and after.

When there is a desire to hurt the feelings of an ex

“One person leaves another when they begin to experience more negative emotions than positive ones,” says Sergio Marsicano, a psychoanalyst from Milan, “however, giving up an ex does not mean completely breaking up with him.

First there is a grief that needs to be dealt with, some kind of emotional clash that needs to be transferred first of all to yourself, and then to someone else. Otherwise, the process is blocked. A loved one has been abandoned, but a certain unconscious part of himself remains attached to him.

“I only thought about Max,” recalls Liza, 43, a jeweler. “Moreover, his new love-filled life seemed to capture, flood me. And at the same time, it was as if he did not exist for me. And this after what was the struggle to leave him. I was pathetic."

Love that has united two people gives rise to hatred, rivalry, anger

The situation gets worse if the former begins to show revenge. Everyone noticed that both Cecilia Marten and Carla Bruni wore the same engagement ring, a rolling proof of interchangeability. “What is so unique that a couple creates and observes? Bruognolo asks. “Shared values, of course, but first of all, rituals: gifts, places we went together, affectionate nicknames.”

A break can be considered good if a psychological break has already occurred and both partners are ready for a new relationship.

If a man changes a woman but keeps the rituals, it means that not only does he lack imagination, he demonstrates that he perceives a woman as an object. This offends both the ex-girlfriend and the new one.

“It's the desire to hurt a runaway girl by providing circumstantial evidence that she's still important,” says the expert. - A divorce can be considered good if a psychological break has already occurred and both partners are ready for a new relationship. If not, then it's just another step. The love that united two people gives rise to hatred, rivalry, anger.

How to get out of this situation? Start from a simple consideration: destroying another person requires too much energy. It is better to turn it to your own advantage to create a new balance.

How to survive the replacement syndrome?

Advice from psychologist and psychoanalyst Lucia Chiarioni

1. Avoid meeting his new girlfriend so as not to despise her or yourself. It takes a little time alone to regain self-respect.

2. You have to face pain. Do not deny it by plunging headlong into work or getting bogged down in casual relationships: we are too fragile for this. It's better to accept this pain.

3. Discover the joy of independence, give yourself such freedom that loneliness allows, for example, a rhythm of life that is convenient for you, focused only on your needs, a couple of whims... This is the path to recovery, it serves to appreciate your own and his behavior, his mistakes, and what we need now.

4. Gradually take your own life back into your own hands so that at some point start a new relationship, not like a wounded fighter, but like a woman born again.

Text: Prepared by Ksenia Medvedeva Photo Source: Getty Images

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How to understand that the ex-boyfriend will return - 14 signs

great relationship, but, unfortunately, all good things come to an end. It seems that just yesterday you were making plans for the future, and today you wake up absolutely broken and do not know what to do next: build your life without him or hope that everything will still work out.

Girlfriends advise you not to sit like a princess in prison, and are ready to pour any potions into you to break the curse. Are you tormenting yourself with the question of how to find out if your ex has feelings for you or is he gone forever? There are a few points worth paying attention to to clarify this.

Photo by cottonbro: Pexels

  • He willingly makes contact with you.

The first step towards resuming a relationship is the desire to communicate. Even after a serious scandal, he does not wither for years on the black list, but tries to contact you in all ways that his imagination is enough for.

Sometimes it looks ridiculous, sometimes very romantic, but the fact remains that he is not afraid of quarrels and is ready to sacrifice a few nerve cells just to hear you again.

  • He follows you on social media.

Everyone is interested in other people's lives, whether exes, ex exes, and down the food chain. There is nothing reprehensible in this. But men are usually more persistent when it comes to the temptation to check "how is she doing without me." If your ex-boyfriend watches all your stories and “likes” your photos, it means that he is not ready to completely leave your life. Moreover, he does not hide it.

  • He does not start a new relationship.

When people find replacements for each other too quickly, one gets the impression that the previous relationship was not serious enough. But your ex did not surround himself with a retinue of girls, and even if in moments of despair he allowed himself something more than correspondence on the network with a lady he liked, you don’t know about it and you will never know. He does not brag to you about his bed trophies, and his friends, even under torture, will not admit if he met someone after you.

  • He wants to remain friends.

And he really puts his soul into this banal concept. He tells you that you are not a stranger to him, and he would like to be with you at least as a friend. Most often, after parting, people try not to see each other and not communicate at least for a while. But instead of sticking together a broken heart, he pretends to be a friendly Labrador and tries to maintain friendly relations, just not to miss the moment when you completely cool down to him.

  • He asks if you are in a relationship.

He is trying to find out through friends or directly whether you have a new boyfriend. When you go missing for a while or don't pick up the phone, he finds out who you are with and what you do. Your ex does not like being surrounded by men, and any hint of a date with a new beau infuriates him. He tries by any means to show that no one is worthy of you except him.

Why do men return after parting?

  • He tries to please or surprise you.

He behaves like a gentleman, even if he is usually stingy with bouquets and fine words. If you wake up every morning like in a greenhouse, be sure that he still has not turned the last page of your history and set out to conquer the Snow Queen. And what can pave the way to the icy heart? Of course, courtship.

  • He is interested in your life.

In fact, your separation has not changed anything. He still asks how your parents are doing, why you flunked your driving school test and what you ate for dinner. Your communication is not limited to solving business or domestic issues. Your ex shows you that you are important to him, and he is ready to help at any moment.

  • He jokes about missing you.

The main factor why your ex can't tell you directly that he wants to rekindle a relationship is the fear of rejection. Nobody likes to feel vulnerable. Therefore, it is easier for him to hide his true desires behind jokes. Pay attention if he too often casually hints that you are his destiny, and sooner or later he will lead you down the aisle.

  • He wants to spend his free time with you.

An interested man always wants to take up as much space as possible. Taking your cat to the vet even if he didn't have warm feelings for him before? No problem. Do you crave 2 hours of sobbing in the back row of the cinema to the sounds of a boring melodrama? He is ready to endure this torture, just to be near. You don't have to guess if he will come, call, pick up the phone. To all this, you have a confident answer - yes.

  • He is often nostalgic.

As time goes by, good memories drive out bad memories, and there comes a time when your ex-partner wants to relive intimate moments from the past. He invites you to take a walk in the park where you first kissed, or sends you joint pictures where you are both in love and happy. By reminding you of this, he indirectly tries to convince you that your relationship has a chance, despite all the mistakes made.

  • He says he misses you.

Negative emotions from parting gradually subsided, and he is ready to admit that your breakup was a mistake. When a person wants to be with you, he is overwhelmed with feelings that he cannot control. If you spend a lot of time together, it begins to seem to him that everything has become the same as before. And he not only wants to share with you what he is experiencing, but also to hear confirmation in response that you also regret what happened.

  • He keeps in touch with your family or your friends.

If your ex knows how important family and loved ones are to you, he will try to build bridges over them. Make sure that there are no selfish motives in his actions, only a desire to get closer. When a person is in love, he cannot be a spectator and the fact that he spends his time helping your parents or exchanging a couple of phrases with your friends suggests that he appreciates your common past and is not ready to say goodbye to it.

  • He asks for your opinion.

You may not be a style icon yourself, but he fully trusts your taste. He sends you a photo of what he bought and calls to discuss the latest developments. It is important for him to know what you think about what is happening in his life. He is interested in discussing world news with you. You can talk all night long as if your feelings are just being born.

  • He does not hide from others that your relationship is not over yet.

He does not allow you to doubt the sincerity of your intentions. Many exes after breaking up miss only physical intimacy and make appointments where they can quickly move to a horizontal position.

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