Why does my bf treat me bad

What to Do When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship

Ever find yourself having that tight feeling inside your chest because you feel powerless towards people who constantly mistreat you?

It’s a fact that almost all of us have been in a situation where we were treated poorly by another person, but the question here is, how do you learn what to do when someone treats you badly?

If someone mistreats you, it’s just human nature to react or choose to cut these people out of your life.

However, there are instances where a person chooses to stay although they are already being treated harshly. We may not understand this, but it’s very common, especially when the person who mistreats you is your partner.

Why do people choose to stay?

No one is blind to these types of situations, yet some people choose to stay even if they are already experiencing being treated harshly by their partners or someone close to them.

Why is this so?
  • You might feel like you are the only one who could understand your partner, and if you give up on them, no one would care for them as you do.
  • You feel as though your partner still has the potential to change. Maybe, they might be in a stage where they need to vent and that everything will be okay.
  • Your partner might be blaming you for all the things that are happening. Sadly, you might start believing all of this and think that you are lacking something that’s why your partner is mistreating you – so you try to be better.
  • You also might be blocking all the bad things your partner is doing, and you start to focus on his “good traits.”These are signs that you are justifying the other person’s actions of treating someone badly, and it’s never healthy.
Related Reading: Reasons People Give For Staying in Unhappy Relationships

10 things you need to do when someone treats you badly in a relationship

“Why do you treat me so bad? What did I ever do to you?”

Have you experienced telling this to your partner? Were you accused of being overly dramatic, or have you been shrugged off?

When is it okay to stay in a relationship and give another chance?

What to do when someone treats you badly, and where do you start? Here are 10 things to remember by heart.

1. Ask yourself first

Most of us can ask ourselves this question, “Why do I get treated so badly?” Did you know that you are asking the wrong question?

If someone mistreats you, remember that it’s not your fault. The person who is mistreating you is the one whose words, intentions, or actions are in the wrong. Don’t burden yourself as it’s not your fault at all. 

But it’s your fault if you continue to let this happen. So ask yourself this, “Why am I letting my partner treat me badly?”

2. Address your issues

Having low self-esteem is one of the most common reasons why many people allow their partners to treat them badly.

Childhood trauma, a false belief of how relationships work, and even a mindset that your partner will still change are all reasons why you are not doing anything about your situation.

Remember this, and if you don’t respect yourself, other people won’t respect you.

It’s true that how they treat you is how they feel about you, but it’s equally valid that how people treat you is also a reflection of what you feel about yourself.

If you don’t respect yourself to walk away or do something about the situation, this will continue.

Also Try: Do I Treat My Boyfriend Badly Quiz

3. Set your boundaries and be firm with it

How you also react matters. While you have the choice to respond with aggression, it’s better to set boundaries for yourself.

It’s easy to treat people how they treat you but is this what we want to achieve?

Once you realize your worth and have decided to talk to your partner, then it’s also time to set boundaries not just for yourself but also for your relationship.

Ask yourself this, “Is this the type of relationship that I want?”

Once that is clear, start by setting healthy boundaries in your relationship.

4. Don’t blame yourself

If you start feeling that you are inadequate for your partner, or you start feeling guilty or shameful along with depression, then these are signs that you are blaming yourself for your partner’s actions.

When people mistreat you, it’s on them.

Never allow your partner to blame you, and never blame yourself.

When someone treats you badly in a relationship, then know that this is already a red flag.

It’s one of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. Remember to never allow your partner to justify mistreating you as a valid action.

Related Reading: The Blame Game Is Destructive to Your Marriage

5. Communicate

Communication can still do wonders even in a relationship like this. It’s an integral part of knowing what to do when someone treats you badly.

Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your partner.

How can you resolve your issue if you don’t?

If you ask yourself, “Why do people treat me badly?” then maybe it’s time to address the issue.

While you are taking this step, expect to notice a change in your partner’s behavior.

Your partner may welcome change and open up, but some may choose to intimidate you into avoiding change.

This is the time where you can voice out what you are feeling. Tell your partner about the boundaries you have set and let your partner know that you want to change.

Watch this video to know what boundaries you must set in every relationship:

6. Don’t let it happen again

You have successfully set your boundaries, but you don’t see much change.

Remember that the longer it has been this way, the more extended and more complex it would be for your partner to accept and start to change.

Don’t get disappointed just yet, and more importantly, don’t stop with your progress. We don’t want your partner to go back to the way it used to be, right?

If your partner continues to treat you badly, don’t be afraid to have the conversation again.

Know your self-worth and make a stand.

Related Reading: How to Communicate With Your Spouse When Things Are Tough

7. Don’t be afraid to seek help

If your partner agrees to talk and work with you, then that’s good progress.

If both of you feel overwhelmed and find it hard to commit, then don’t be afraid to seek help. Please do.

Being guided by an expert can do wonders for your individual growth as well.

This can also help both of you address hidden issues. Together, it will be easier for you to work for a better relationship.

8. Understand what abuse is

Learning how to deal with someone who keeps putting you down also means that you have to learn how to grow and be firm.

It also means that you need to face the fact that your relationship might be an abusive one.

Many people are afraid to face the fact that they have an abusive partner until it’s too late.

Abusive relationships often start as treating someone badly and then escalate to mental and even physical abuse.

Often, your partner might also shift from being a toxic partner to being an apologetic and sweet person – know the signs of an abusive partner before it’s too late.

Don’t live in a cycle of abuse and manipulation.

Related Reading: How to Fix an Abusive Relationship

9. Know when to walk away

An important part of knowing how to react when someone treats you badly is when to walk away.

It’s hard to let go of the person you love. You might even think it’s not too late to be a better person, but you should also know your limits.

It’s something you need to do for yourself.

Not all people can commit or change, and if you have done everything you can, it also means that it’s time for you to move on, and there’s no turning back.

10. Remember your worth

Finally, always remember your worth.

If you know your worth and if you respect yourself, then you would know what to do when someone treats you badly.

Remember to respect yourself, respect your kids, and respect your life to walk away from people who treat you badly.

You don’t have to stoop down to their level and be aggressive, and sometimes, the best action is to give up and move on.

You deserve better!

Related Reading: 10 Tips for Letting Go of a Relationship 


If you are someone who has experienced this and was able to overcome it, then you’re doing great.

You are learning that you should take control of your life.

Never allow anyone to treat you badly. It doesn’t matter if it’s your boss, a co-worker, a family member, or even your partner.

If someone you cherish mistreats you – then you need to take action.

Recognize what’s wrong and start setting boundaries. Offer to talk and resolve the issue and commit, but if everything else fails, then you need to walk away from this toxic relationship.

Now that you know what to do when someone treats you badly, you will become more confident about yourself and what you deserve.

Why Does He Treat Me Like Crap? What To Do When A Man Treats You Badly | Charles J. Orlando

I receive hundreds of letters every week. And let's be real: men and women in healthy relationships aren't the ones writing to ask me for relationship advice.

When I hear from people all over the world asking for insights about love, marriage, dating, and communication, some of the most common questions I'm asked are, "What did he mean when he said ____?" and "Why did she tell me that she ____?"

Often, the answers are highly individualized, so I get into the nitty-gritty details with those who write in, decrypting things and shining the proverbial light on the middle-of-the-road truth.

But it saddens me that one of the most commonly asked questions I receive is this:

"Why does he treat me like crap? I feel like my husband hates me."

Let's get something out of the way: I'm not talking about women writing in about physically abusive relationships. That's not only treating someone "badly," it's also a felony.

If you find yourself in a physically violent relationship, leave. Period. The End.

The relationships I'm discussing fall into the less understood, often complex area involving behaviors that might be considered emotional abuse.

RELATED: The Painful Reality Of Being Emotionally Abused By An Ex Every Day

How do you know if a guy is treating you badly?

Negative interactions and poor treatment in an emotionally abusive relationship are most definitely damaging to your well-being.

Signs of emotional abuse can also be harder to recognize for what they are or for why they are happening.

These relationships keep you questioning yourself and second-guessing things you each say and do in a never-a-dull-moment style, leaving you whispering to yourself, "It wasn't always this way, was it?"

No, it probably wasn't always ... and that's what is so insidious and damaging.

Your guy probably does treat you right, sometimes.

But now that you're deeper into the relationship and feelings are out in the open, he's changed. Maybe he isn't available as often as he once was (without a genuine excuse), or perhaps he is emotionally distant without explanation, or maybe he starts fights and arguments, withholds affection, has simply stopped being thoughtful, or has just disconnected from you.

It all leaves you asking yourself some ugly, self-destructive questions.

"What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? What did I do to make him change?"

Reality check: You didn't do anything to make him change. Without a weapon, be it physical or emotional, no one has the power to make someone do anything they don't want.

When a man treats you badly, he is choosing to act this way.

And not only is he choosing it, you, likewise, are allowing and enabling it.

Why do I let him treat me bad?

Here's the harsh truth: People can only treat you in ways you allow.

In essence, you give permission and imbue people with the knowledge of how they can get away with treating you.

If you're settling for someone's poor treatment or halfway efforts, you're silently telling them, "I'm OK with this. Or at least, I won't cause you too much trouble. You may continue."

Unfortunately, this explanation, while accurate, doesn't provide all the information needed for a genuine or comprehensive explanation of this particular pattern of what is, in fact, a form of domestic violence.

But one culprit is a lack of self-esteem on your part.

People generally find themselves treated in ways they don't like because one, on occasion, they receive the love they want, and they put up with poor behavior the rest of the time to get the crumbs of love they hope to receive at some point in the future, and two, their self-esteem is so low, they feel (consciously or subconsciously) that this is what they deserve.

If you put up with bad treatment, that tells your partner that you don't respect yourself. You show him that you believe you're only worthy of the unacceptable way he treats you.

And each time you go back and forgive him, you reinforce his bad behavior.

RELATED: I Saved Myself From An Emotionally Abusive BF (And You Can Too!)

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The 7 Reasons Women Physically Reject Men

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Couples Who Do These 9 Specific Things Stay In Love Forever

What do I do if a guy is treating me badly?

Escaping this cycle is challenging, as your sense of self-worth gets locked up in the relationship, creating a constant search for moments of love amidst long bouts of indifference.

If you've communicated your needs and he refuses to alter his treatment of you, sometimes the only way out of the cycle is, well ... out.

Move on to someone who treats you like a treasure. And by "someone," I don't mean a new relationship. I mean move on to you.

Self-worth and self-esteem emanate from self.

Start with you. Respect and value yourself, and everyone around you will have no choice but to follow your lead.

Understanding the nuances of emotional abuse can be overwhelming. If you think you or someone you care about is being abused and may be in danger call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522.

RELATED: You Can Get PTSD From Staying In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

More for You:

Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship expert who has spent the last 10-plus years connecting with tens of thousands of people to answer two key questions: What challenges plague romantic relationships in today's technology-centric world; and what do people truly want from their significant others in a long-term relationship?

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The guy treats me badly

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Is this not the last guy on Earth, Smoke? Look for the normal.



Exactly. I was just reading a post on this topic from a felt-tip pen: there’s no way you can explain to him with words and showdowns that you need a normal attitude. This must itself be realized within a person by development. He also writes there that this is an indicator of disinterest, well, it is logical



Well said. Only lovers, as an author, are not listening to sensible advice, unfortunately

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