Silent treatment break up
The Surprising Truth About The Silent Treatment
by Karen Young
2,801,214
VIEWSThe silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.
Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.
The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad.
The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.
Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.
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The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers.
The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.
The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance.
Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants.
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful.
‘It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship,’ says Schrodt. ‘And it does tremendous damage.’
It’s an incredibly hard pattern to break because both partners lay the blame at the feet of the other.
‘Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,’ explains Schrodt. ‘Both partners see the other as the problem.’ One partner will typically complain that the other is emotionally unavailable. The other will accuse his or her partner of being too demanding or critical.
When couples become locked in this ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern, the damage can be both emotional and physiological include anxiety and aggression as well as erectile dysfunction and urinary and bowel problems.
It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner.
The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange.
Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’
Nobody engages the silent treatment expecting it to damage the relationship, and that’s the danger.
Generally, it’s called on as the weapon of choice because it’s powerful and it’s easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, ‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied.
Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it’s not. It’s a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks.
Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same.
Being ignored is just as powerful.
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Why is Silence So Powerful After A Break Up? 6 Tips for Going 'No Contact'
There’s no doubt about it — breakups are excruciating.
Whether you were blindsided, saw it coming, or were the one to end it, the situation isn’t easy on anyone involved. Throw in a society reliant on technology and social media, and it’s almost impossible to move on and heal.
This is why there’s really only one effective solution to a breakup: the power of silence. Think about what typically happens after breaking up with someone. You might post about it on Facebook, drink too much and send an emotional text, or investigate your ex’s Instagram followers to see if there’s anyone new to worry about. It’s exhausting! (Not to mention, unhealthy and emotionally draining.)
Instead of torturing yourself after a breakup, the most important thing you can do is be silent — and we’re talking radio silence! You’ve probably heard the term ghosting, which refers to someone abruptly cutting off all contact with someone they are dating. This is the mindset you need to channel! Think of it as “ex-ghosting.” Instead of ending communication with someone you’re dating, you’re ending it with someone you broke up with.
It’s the only way to help yourself in the long run.
If you decide to get back together with an ex, the Relish relationship coaching app can help make it work. Download the app for personalized lessons, insights, and relationship advice from real experts. Your first week is free!
Why The Power of Silence is So Important
When you take a step back after a breakup, you’re able to really reflect on what happened and what went wrong. Instead of continuing to talk with your ex — which is bound to cause even more heartache — you’re giving yourself time to get your head right. This way, if you decide to reopen communication, you’ll have a level head and a better grasp on the situation.
Staying silent can also help you feel empowered. You’re taking charge and showing your ex that you’re capable of and willing to live life without them. Whether you’re the one who was hurt or the one who ended it, cutting off communication after a breakup puts you in control. It sends a clear message that you won’t allow the breakup to take hold of your life, giving you a chance to find perspective and heal.
Lastly, whether you want to get back with your ex or not, the power of silence is guaranteed to make them miss you! As counterintuitive as it sounds, if you want to get back together, you have to act like you don’t. When you’re not texting, pleading, or begging for a reunion, they will wonder what you’re doing and whether you have moved on. Once they start to miss you more than they can bear, they will be the one to reach out.
Bottom line? Staying silent after a breakup, as hard as it can be, is the only way to let yourself reflect and recover from heartache. On the other hand, if you’re the one that ended the relationship, it’s only fair for you to cut off all contact with the person you hurt. If you truly do not want to be with them, continuing contact will only drag out the heartache and cause unnecessary pain.
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Tips for Using the Power of Silence
If you’re going through a breakup and desperately want to embrace the power of silence, we have some tips to help get you through it:
1. Erase Them From Your Phone
It’s so tempting to text or call an ex after a breakup, so the best thing to do is delete them from your phone. Sure, you might have their number memorized, but it makes it that much harder to contact them! (Especially when you’re drinking.) If you’re making the conscious effort of typing in their phone number, it should give you enough time to realize you’re making a mistake.
2. Block Them on Social Media
Easier said than done, but part of going full no-contact means swiping them from your social media. Don’t just unfriend them — block them. The worst thing you can do after a breakup is stalk their posts, friends, or activity online. All it does is worsen your heartache and, quite possibly, expose you to things you don’t want to see (like a new partner).
Getting rid of any online trace of your ex helps keep you from fueling the emotional fire.
3. Write Down Your Feelings (Instead of Texting Them)
You’re bound to have a ton of mixed emotions after a breakup, but sending them all to your ex only causes more problems. Journaling is a great way to help process your feelings! When you bottle them up, it’s hard not to let them out in one way or another, so try putting pen to paper instead of further complicating things with your ex.
4. Avoid Places They Hang Out
It’s a play right out of the heartbreak handbook — “accidentally” running into your ex in public. We all know it wasn’t an accident (and your ex does too). Since you used to be a couple, you’re both very familiar with where each other hangs out. As tempting as it can be to “bump into them” when you’re feeling lonely, all it leads to is an uncomfortable encounter for you and everyone around you.
5. Resist the Urge to Reach Out to Their Friends
Let’s be honest — the real reason you reach out to your ex’s friends is so that they will find out you did! There is absolutely no need to contact your ex’s friends for any reason (unless they are mutual, which can be tricky).
Your ex’s friends are not going to give you any information, and if anything, they might take your contact as an act of desperation.
6. Be Honest with Yourself
Use the power of silence to really focus inward and realize the truth of the situation. If you were the one who was hurt, do you really want to beg for someone who doesn’t want you in their life? What do you gain from reaching out, aside from personal anguish? If you were the person who broke it off, what is your motivation to keep the communication open? Isn't it only fair to allow them time to move on?
By coming to terms with the gravity of the situation, you can start to heal. A one-sided love affair rarely works out, and you don’t want to force someone to be with you after they end the relationship. By harnessing the power of silence, you’re creating the distance needed to clear your mind, focus on yourself, and come to the realization that you are worthy of so much better.
There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex.
After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you’re telling your ex that you’re strong, resilient, and independent. You’re relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.
Find happiness in your relationship with the help of the Relish relationship coaching app! Get expert advice about communication, conflict, intimacy, and more. Take our relationship quiz to unlock all this and more! Get full access free for 7 days!
By Caitlin Killoren on Nov 16, 2021
With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people's relationships both her career and her passion. Her work has been featured in publications like Bustle, Well + Good, and Goalcast, and she currently resides in Austin, Texas with her husband and giant fluffy dog, Remy.
Are you receiving silent treatment? These tips will help you break the cycle of abuse
Table of contents
- What is silent treatment?
- The right way to be silent when things are tense.
- Misuse of silence as a punishment.
- The right way to be silent when things are tense.
- General characteristics of those who misuse silence healing.
- Is silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?
- What to do if you are subject to tacit treatment?
- Give them time and space
- Stop the cycle of abuse
- Prayer
When I was growing up, I was one of those kids who make parents go gray early. My mom went gray by the age of 29. LOL
There were times when I tested my mother's patience to the point where I was subjected to what is called silent treatment. There was an hour or two, maybe even a day, when she didn't talk to me.
I realized pretty quickly that when it happened, I blew it up that time.
Silent treatment is not always a negative phenomenon.
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I hope to help you understand this line for yourself so that you don't end up hurting someone with this behavior, or help you understand that if you are on the receiving end of someone treating you this way .
continue the abusive relationship.
What is silent treatment?
Silent treatment is an act or behavior of a person who completely ignores another person. This behavior is usually associated with an expression of disapproval or punishment of the ignored person.
This is a controlling behavior that allows the one who ignores to control all aspects of the relationship, denying any form of relationship.
The term "Silent Treatment" was first coined in 1947. In today's society, many people use it.
The right way to keep quiet when things are tense.
This behavior, in a limited way, can be good for the relationship. There are times in any relationship when a "time out" is needed during a heated exchange of opinions to let things cool down.
It can last from a couple of hours to a couple of days, when both parties get their emotions under control before continuing the conversation.
Quiet time is used to evaluate what is happening and to empathize with the other person's point of view.
This can be a healthy thing in a relationship.
My mother used this technique when she knew she would hurt me if she kept silent.
Misuse of silence as a punishment.
If the silent address lasts longer than a short period, then it has crossed the line of a healthy reaction to a heated situation and has become a very destructive and harmful form of emotional abuse.
This is no longer about cooling and trying to find a solution; now it has become a way to punish and control the other person. It's about getting your own way at any cost for the other person. Even if it means the end of the relationship or the way you want to end the relationship.
By refusing to communicate with another person, the person who inappropriately uses silence healing forfeits love, dignity, respect and value.
Many times a silent address is used to intimidate and intimidate those who disagree with the person into a form of submission.
General characteristics of those who misuse silence healing.
Silent treatment is mainly used by those with narcissistic tendencies. This does not mean that they are full-fledged narcissists, but they do have some tendencies that are used to diagnose narcissistic personality disorder. These characteristics are as follows.
- Great sense of self-importance. They think of themselves higher than they should.
- They live in a fantasy world of some perfection or strive to create a fantasy world of their own liking.
- They consider themselves extraordinarily unique and that only special people can understand them.
- They have a strong need for praise and admiration, which manifests itself in the need to look good in front of others.
- They feel they have a right to have people rush to their defense, always agree with them or treat them in a special way.
- They will use people to get what they want to achieve.
- They cannot empathize with others or find it difficult to put themselves in the other person's shoes.
- They are jealous of what others have or think that others are jealous of them.
- They are arrogant and proud.
Is silent treatment a form of emotional abuse?
The misuse of silent healing is a blatant form of emotional abuse from a Christian perspective.
Rejection of love, acceptance and forgiveness is simply a sin. This sin, when applied to a victim of silent conversion, is offensive.
Just as rape, murder, and physical abuse convey a lack of value in relation to the victim of these sins, so does tacit address convey the same.
Silent healing is born in the same cesspool of iniquity as these sins. It is born in the flesh.
It comes from the fact that you put yourself above the other person and the heart of God in relation to this person. Honestly, it makes Jesus cry.
What to do if you are subject to tacit treatment?
Give them time and space
If it's only been a few hours or a couple of days, I would suggest giving them some time.
Let them know that they are loved and that you are open to talking when they are ready.
Gently affirm your love, such as stroking his arm or patting his back.
Maybe send them a postcard telling them that even if you don't agree with them, it doesn't mean you don't like them or don't want to deal with them.
Stop the abuse cycle
If it was a longer period, you need to come to terms with the fact that you are involved with the person who is emotionally abusing you.
You need to stop the cycle.
Since the desire of someone who treats silently in an abusive way is to punish you and take away your approval, do things that are the exact opposite of what they are trying to achieve.
Reward yourself in some way and do other things to validate yourself.
Do not beg this person to stop the silent treatment. Asking is giving them what they are trying to achieve, and you are rewarding their offensive behavior.
The game of silent healing becomes much less fun when no one is paying attention.
Prayer
Finally, but most importantly, pray.
A person who indulges in silent healing is a wounded and broken person.
Pray that God will do all He can to bring them to see their brokenness and receive His healing. The same Jesus who valued you enough to die on the cross for you is the same Jesus who valued them enough to do the same.
No matter how much they hurt you, they still have value in the eyes of God. Don't fall into the same trap they did, devaluing them the way they devalued you.
I sincerely hope that you have learned something about silent treatment and how to deal with those who use it as a form of control and manipulation.
I have experienced both the healthy way of using silent treatment and the unhealthy way some people use silent treatment. I hope my experience has helped you.
Silent epidemic (prevention of opisthorchiasis) - Prevention of diseases and healthy lifestyle - Budgetary institution of the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug - Yugra
| Opisthorchiasis is a helminthic parasitic disease caused by a flatworm of the genus Opisthorchis. River fish is a tasty and valuable product. However, the lack of vaccines and anti-infection drugs makes knowledge of preventive measures especially important. The territory of the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug-Yugra is considered endemic for opisthorchiasis, since a natural focus has formed here, in which there are three hosts necessary for the development of opisthorchiasis (an additional host is mollusks, an intermediate host is carp fish and the final host is humans and animals ).
MANIFESTATIONS OF DISEASE
There are no specific manifestations of the disease. Patients are most often treated by various specialists with diseases of the liver, pancreas, stomach, intestines, various allergic manifestations, articular syndrome, etc. The number of parasites in the body plays an important role. It increases only with the repeated use of infected fish. The more helminths, the more pronounced the manifestations of the disease. The only reliable diagnostic method is the detection of opisthorchia eggs in feces or bile.
ROUTES OF INFECTION
Infection with opisthorchiasis occurs when eating fish of the cyprinid family containing viable parasite larvae. These include ide, dace, roach (chebak), bream, tench, minnow, minnow, top, rudd, crucian carp. It is almost impossible to see the parasite larva in fish tissues with the naked eye - its diameter is only about 0.3 mm. You can become infected with opisthorchiasis if you eat light-salted, uncooked, fresh-frozen fish (“stroganina”, “patanka”, dish “khe”), freshly caught (“steam room”), etc. It should be remembered that it is impossible to become infected with opisthorchiasis by drinking water from open reservoirs, but kitchen utensils - boards, knives, rags that are used to cut raw or poorly processed fish can become a source of infection. You cannot get infected from a sick person and fish-eating mammals.
TREATMENT NEEDED
There is an opinion among the population that it is not necessary to treat opisthorchiasis while living in the North. This is a completely erroneous opinion, since with each re-infection the number of helminths in the human body increases, therefore, they will cause much more harm.
The lack of vaccinations and drugs that prevent infection makes it especially important to know how to prevent infection with opisthorchiasis
WARNING IS ARMED These rules have been determined by experience. Stick to them and live in peace. Prevention involves preventing the parasite from entering the human body. The disinfection of fish is guaranteed by the following preparation methods:
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The disease is characterized by a long course, frequent exacerbations, aggravates the course of many concomitant diseases, and contributes to the occurrence of primary cancer of the liver and pancreas. 
