Signs of being gaslighted

What Is Gaslighting?

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

A gaslighter may try to convince you that your memories are incorrect, that you overreact to situations, or that something is “all in your head.” They may then try to convince you that their version of events is the truth. This tactic can be used in both personal and professional relationships to gain control and power.

This kind of abuse is often subtle in the beginning. For example, the gaslighter will change small details in stories or memories. Eventually, the person being gaslit begins to discredit their own intuition because these incidents begin so subtly. Over time, the gaslighter will break down the other’s ability to trust themselves. Eventually the gaslighter attempts to gain dominance in the relationship as you might begin to doubt your own memory.

When Does Gaslighting Happen?

There are many types of gaslighting. It can happen in abusive or nonabusive relationships. You might notice gaslighting with:

Relationships. Experts suggest that gaslighting is common in domestic violence situations. But it can also happen in otherwise nonabusive relationships. Anyone can gaslight another person in a relationship. It can happen in various types of romantic relationships.

It’s more likely that women will be gaslit by men in romantic relationships. This is because gender inequalities present the possibility for gaslighting. It often takes away women’s social power and gives men more of an opportunity to abuse the situation. But gaslighting still happens to men by women, it’s just not as common.

Co-workers. Certain stereotypes are present in the workplace. This may be due to your gender, role, level, age, or other factors. You may find that someone you work with misuses these differences to gaslight you. For example, in many work environments, there are gendered beliefs that masculine people are rational and feminine individuals are not. This inequal balance can allow for gaslighting to be more common in the workplace.

Doctors. Medical gaslighting can happen when a medical professional downplays your concerns. This can happen within the workplace. For example, a doctor or an expert who’s older may disregard another medical professional’s concerns or advice.

In addition, some physicians use gaslighting to dismiss people’s (specifically women’s) medical concerns. They may cause you to feel crazy or irrational about certain medical fears or concerns.

Signs of Gaslighting

An abuser may use several different gaslighting techniques in order to maintain power over their target. They are all intended to make the person being gaslit second-guess their own reality. These are some of the most common signs of gaslighting.

Withholding

A person who is gaslighting may use the withholding technique. This means that they may refuse to listen to what the person being gaslit has to say. The gaslighter might also accuse you of being the one trying to confuse things. They will pretend that they don’t understand your perspective.

Lying

Using this gaslighting tactic, the gaslighter will tell you outright lies. They will do this even when you know for a fact that they’re lying. This is meant to make you question yourself and your version of events.

Countering

This technique questions your memory or version of events. The gaslighter will claim that things didn’t happen the way that the target (correctly) claims, and will even add on details that never happened. For example: “You’re wrong. You never remember things correctly. ”

Denial

The gaslighter may deny that they ever said or did something you know they did. They will pretend that the person being gaslit is making it up. Again, this gaslighting technique is intended to discredit your memory and make you question yourself.

Diverting

Another sign of gaslighting is diverting. This is when the gaslighter changes the subject to get the target’s attention away from a topic. They may even twist things and accuse the target of getting a certain idea from someone else, like a friend or family member.

Trivializing

Using this technique, the gaslighter aims to make the target’s thoughts and feelings seem unimportant. The gaslighter will accuse the target of overreacting to situations or of being too sensitive. This can cause the target to begin to believe that their feelings are invalid or too drastic.

Constantly apologizing

This isn’t a technique that the gaslighter will employ. Instead, when being gaslit, you may find yourself constantly apologizing to the gaslighter for your thoughts or reactions. You may also apologize to others unnecessarily, or make apologies for the gaslighter’s behavior to others, since apologizing becomes a habit.

Examples of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can happen in many ways. It can make you feel confused or crazy to feel a certain way, even if you were sure about something before. Here are a few examples:

If someone downplays your medical concerns. You may notice certain pain and want to get it checked out by a doctor. Even though you know your pain is real and has actual side effects, your doctor might still blame your symptoms on other, less serious conditions. They may tell you that you’re too anxious or worried.

A specific example would be a doctor telling you that pain from endometriosis is simply normal period pain. Or some professional may insist you just have anxiety, when, you could have symptoms of heart disease.

If your friend or partner makes you question reality. People who gaslight may flip stories or lie about details to make you believe something in the past happened differently. Even though you think you remember what really happened, this person may be able to convince you that you said or did something else.

In extreme cases, someone may claim they saw you do something that you didn’t do. For example, a partner may claim they or someone else saw you cheat, when you really didn’t.

The use of manipulation with outside factors. Some people may claim that outside forces (like the police or immigration authorities) are watching. This may happen in situations where a person fears certain legal situations. A gaslighter may use this against them.

Dealing With Gaslighting

If you recognize these signs as being present in a relationship, it’s important to address them. The first thing to do is try to imagine the situation from the point of view of an outsider. This will help you see if the behavior is really gaslighting, and will let you assess it a little more clearly.

Next, remind yourself how healthy relationships, both personal and professional, should operate. Healthy relationships should have honesty, trust, and communication. They should also be respectful and supportive. If you realize that your relationship with the gaslighter is missing these qualities, it’s time for a change.

You then need to evaluate if the relationship is worth saving, or if you simply need to leave. A therapist may be able to help you talk about these issues, sort out your feelings, and make an action plan.

If you feel that your doctor is gaslighting you, it may be a good idea to switch to a new one. When it comes to your physical and mental health, you should always feel as though you can speak your mind and are being taken seriously. Don’t stay with a physician who makes you feel uncomfortable when you bring up concerns.

Gaslighting often takes a huge toll on your mental health. It’s important that you learn to trust yourself again. Remember that this may take time, as well as the support of family, friends, or a professional. With time and the right support, you can, and will, recover.

Signs and Tips for Seeking Help

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation. Gaslighting happens when an abuser or bully makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs and perception of reality.

Over time, this type of manipulation can wear down your self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving you dependent on the person gaslighting you.

The term itself comes from the 1938 play “Gas Light,” later released as the 1940 and 1944 movies “Gaslight.” The story follows a husband who isolates and manipulates his wife with an end goal of institutionalizing her.

Dr. Robin Stern, co-founder and associate director for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, helped bring the term “gaslighting” into public consciousness with her 2007 book “The Gaslight Effect. ”

Someone who’s gaslighting might:

insist you said or did things you know you didn’t do
deny or scoff at your recollection of events
call you “too sensitive” or “crazy” when you express your needs or concerns
express doubts to others about your feelings, behavior, and state of mind
twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you
insist they’re right and refuse to consider facts or your perspective

Signs you’ve experienced gaslighting

Experiencing gaslighting can leave you second-guessing yourself constantly, not to mention overwhelmed, confused, and uncertain about your ability to make decisions on your own.

Other key signs you’re experiencing gaslighting include:

an urge to apologize all the time
believing you can’t do anything right
frequent feelings of nervousness, anxiety, or worry
a loss of confidence
constantly wondering if you’re too sensitive
feeling disconnected from your sense of self, as if you’re losing your identity
believing you’re to blame when things go wrong
a persistent sense that something isn’t right, though you can’t identify exactly what’s wrong
a lingering sense of hopelessness, frustration, or emotional numbness

These feelings tend to come from what the other person says or implies about your behavior. For example:

“You seem so confused lately, and you keep forgetting things. I’m getting a little worried.”
“You know I wouldn’t say these things if I didn’t care, right?”

This mask of concern can leave you even more convinced there’s something “wrong” with you.

Gaslighting can also show up as changes in your behavior. You might find yourself:

making choices to please others instead of yourself
frequently questioning whether you said the right thing or made the right choice
making excuses for the person gaslighting you to family and friends
lying or isolating yourself from loved ones to avoid conflict
constantly reviewing your words and actions to make sure you’ve done everything “right”
spending little or no time on the activities or hobbies you used to enjoy

According to Stern, people often gaslight because being right allows them to validate themselves. When gaslighters feel threatened, they need you to believe and support their version of events in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Gaslighting can also happen when someone believes their narrative is more valid than someone else’s, says Ana De La Cruz, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida.

Persuading someone else to question their own reality, then, can leave them with a sense of superiority, De La Cruz explains.

Gaslighting isn’t the same as someone lying to you, expressing a different opinion, or saying you’re wrong about something. It’s more nuanced, which can make it harder to recognize.

This often happens in three distinct stages, according to Stern, though not every gaslighting dynamic involves all three stages:

Disbelief. Someone displays gaslighting behavior. It seems unusual, but you brush it off as a one-time thing.
Defense. After a few more instances of gaslighting, you start to defend yourself.
Depression. Eventually, you accept their version of reality to avoid conflict and do whatever you can to earn their approval. But this denial of reality drains your energy, disconnecting you from yourself and leaving you feeling low and hopeless.

Anyone can gaslight, not just people in your personal life. Politicians, for example, gaslight when they deny events recorded on video or witnessed by multiple people. Doctors may gaslight when they suggest you’ve imagined your symptoms, imply that you’re exaggerating your pain, or recommend therapy instead of medical treatment.

Here are some other examples of gaslighting in action:

With family

You live with your mother. The two of you get along fairly well, but she often questions you when you come home a little late.

“You said you’d be home right after work tonight,” she insists one day. “I need my medication, but now the pharmacy will be closed by the time we get there.”

When you tell her you don’t recall that conversation about taking her to run errands, she shakes her head in disbelief. “You stood right there and promised you’d be home early. ”

But you remember making coffee quietly in the kitchen so you wouldn’t wake her. You say this, but she refuses to consider your version of events.

Later, you overhear her talking loudly on the phone. “I’m just not sure about his state of mind,” she says. “He can’t even remember a conversation from this morning!”

Similar situations play out repeatedly, to the point where you begin wondering whether you are forgetting everything.

In a romantic relationship

You have some pretty convincing proof your partner cheated. You ask them about it directly, giving them a chance to be honest.

Consider these two reactions:

“What? No, of course I’m not cheating on you.”
“How dare you accuse me of cheating. I work all day and come home to spend time with you, but you’re never here. You say you’re working, but who knows where you are? You’re probably the one cheating. And if I were cheating, it’s not like you could blame me, since you’re always too tired for sex. ”

The first response is just a lie. The second, however, may be an attempt to make you feel guilty enough to drop the subject for good. Even if you don’t believe them, you might end up questioning your evidence of their affair — or feeling bad for not being a “better” partner and try to make it up to them instead.

At work

You’ve earned a promotion to be a manager. With the promotion comes an assistant manager — someone who wanted that same promotion.

Over the past few weeks, you’ve noticed documents disappearing from your desk and important phone messages not coming through.

When you ask the assistant manager if they’ve seen any of the documents, their angry reaction surprises you.

“Are you accusing me of taking your things? Remember, my job is to help you. Why would I do anything like that?”

When you ask about another missing file a few weeks later, they say, “You know, you seem really stressed lately. This promotion is a big change. Not everyone can handle the responsibility.”

When seeking medical care

For months, you’ve had some persistent abdominal symptoms that concern you, along with a generally low mood and fatigue.

Your doctor, however, seems skeptical. They ask whether you could be pregnant or if the symptoms relate to your period. You assure them the symptoms come and go at all times and that you’re definitely not pregnant.

“I see you mention some feelings of depression. Sometimes depression can manifest with more physical symptoms. Have you considered talking to a therapist?”

You already noted in your paperwork that you’re working with a therapist, but you mention this again. You try to explain that you think your low mood relates more to your regular pain, discomfort, and lack of energy.

“Therapy can make such a difference. I’m sure you’ll notice some improvement before long. In a few months we can talk about some testing if there’s no change, but this doesn’t look like anything serious. ”

Their dismissal doesn’t feel right, but, then, you didn’t go to medical school, either. If they say your symptoms are nothing to worry about, well, maybe they really aren’t that bad, after all.

Turn to loved ones

If you suspect someone is gaslighting you, it never hurts to get some outside perspective. Trusted friends and family members not directly involved in the relationship can:

offer their perspective
help you get some clarity
provide emotional support

If you’ve recently started to distance yourself from your loved ones, keep in mind that isolation can only make gaslighting more successful.

Take notes

It’s often easier to question yourself about an argument or discussion that happened days ago.

Recording events immediately after they happen provides evidence you don’t need to second-guess. Jotting down highlights from a conversation or using a smartphone app to record your argument offers something to review when your memory is called into question.

You may not feel comfortable confronting the person, but your notes can help you recognize what’s happening.

Set clear boundaries

Establishing boundaries can interrupt someone’s attempts to gaslight you and provide some physical and emotional space.

The next time it happens, you might say:

“It seems we remember things differently, so let’s move on.”
“If you call me ‘crazy,’ I’m going to leave the room.”
“We can talk about it, but if you shout, I’m going to leave.”

Sticking to these boundaries is essential. Following through shows them they can’t manipulate you.

Hold on to the things that make you who you are

Gaslighting often involves a loss of personal identity. Over time, you might begin to feel like you’ve changed beyond recognition, or become numb and hollow.

Living in a constant state of nervousness and worry can leave you with little energy for self-care or your own interests.

Yet making time to meet your physical and emotional needs can help you reclaim your energy and hold on to your sense of self. You might even find it easier to navigate and challenge attempts to gaslight you, as a result.

Read more about how to respond to gaslighting.

Over time, gaslighting can:

affect your sense of self-worth
leave you unsure about making decisions
contribute to feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness

Support from a mental health professional can go a long way toward helping you recognize and come to terms with the gaslighting and begin working through it.

A therapist can offer an unbiased perspective on gaslighting, along with compassionate guidance as you begin to:

name and address any doubts and fears around your own self-worth
work through painful or unwanted emotions
accept that you didn’t cause or deserve the gaslighting
explore and set healthy boundaries

A therapist can also teach you skills to:

navigate attempted manipulation
manage stress
handle conflict productively

Couples counseling can also provide a safe space for you and your partner to learn new ways to communicate and resolve conflict. Just know therapists do not recommend counseling for abusive relationships. If you’re experiencing ongoing abuse, a therapist can help you develop a plan to leave the relationship safely.

Hoping to connect with a therapist online?

Our review of the best online therapy options can help you find a good fit.

Gaslighting may start out gradually, but this subtle manipulation can cause deep and lasting harm.

A therapist can help you begin to identify gaslighting and offer support with addressing its impact productively, without losing yourself in the process.

How to Recognize and Deal with Gaslighting

November 7, 2021Learning Without Relationships

Dealing with a manipulator alone will be difficult.

What is gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the victim is made to question their feelings, memories, and general adequacy. As a result, a person is constantly confused, his self-esteem falls, he is unable to defend himself. This is what the manipulator achieves - to make the victim weak and use it to his advantage.

Sometimes gaslighting is unintentional. Then the manipulator himself does not realize what he is doing. But that doesn't make it any easier for the victim.

Unlike physical abuse, psychological abuse does not happen all at once. Robin Stern, PhD, and author of a book on gaslighting, identifies three stages: denial, defense, and depression.

At the first stage, the manipulator begins to behave a little strange. For example, he denies past agreements or confidently declares that there were no events at all. During this period, the victim is still sure that everything that happens is the result of a simple misunderstanding.

In the second stage, the gaslighter's pressure becomes apparent: he accuses his target of sensitivity and stupidity, devaluing her emotions. The victim resists and tries to correct the situation, but all in vain.

At the stage of depression, the object of attacks refuses to fight and begins to believe in the justice of the words of the manipulator. The victim admits that all the quarrels and failures are related to her worthlessness, and begins to obey the gaslighter in everything.

How to recognize gaslighting

Manipulators usually use certain techniques to confuse the victim.

The person is outright lying

Gaslighter regularly denies objective facts and retracts his words. Even if the victim is sure of the reality of the event or she has evidence, the manipulator continues to lie calmly. If the evidence is undeniable, such a person will report that he was misunderstood: "As always, you can do it."

A person's words don't match their actions

For example, they may claim to do all the housework even though they haven't lifted a finger in the last few weeks. Anything to put pressure on your target.

A person regularly offends and offends

These can be sarcastic jokes or frankly offensive statements, the main thing is regularity. In fact, this is the “boiling frog” tactic from the famous anecdote. If you throw a frog into boiling water, it will jump out. But if you place it in warm water, and then gradually increase the temperature, the animal will not even notice how it is cooked. When the victim is devalued a little every day, eventually she gets used to it too.

The person hits the most sensitive places

Manipulators are well aware of their target's weaknesses. For example, if the victim is worried about having a relationship with a child, the gaslighter will claim that such a slacker shouldn't have had children at all. If the target doubts his appearance, it will sound: “Well, let's look at things realistically: where are you with such legs ...”

A person tries to confuse the victim

For example, praises, gives gifts, confesses his love. Psychologists call this behavior positive reinforcement. His goal is to make the victim think that the gaslighter is not so bad, and she invented all the existing problems in the relationship with him or herself to blame for them.

The person uses other people's opinions to deceive

This can be either a real judgment or an imaginary one. For example: "Your sister, by the way, also thinks that you are acting like a child." Or: “Yes, I saw your colleagues, they say that in this project you are like a fifth wheel to them.” In such a situation, the victim feels that everything around him is against him. And you can only rely on a gaslighter who at least occasionally shows support.

A person sets her loved ones against the victim

To do this, he tells the victim's relatives and friends about his shortcomings, ascribes fictitious words and actions to her. The gaslighter ensures that the target is in complete social isolation, when no one believes in her and there is no one to rely on.

The person constantly repeats that everyone else is lying.

This is how the manipulator tries to make the victim doubt reality. And also limit the circle of contacts even more - after all, you can’t trust anyone.

What to do if you are a victim of gaslighting

Can't stand it. Gaslighting is psychological abuse that can destroy your personality, literally. One of the most common symptoms reported by victims of gaslighting is, "I've changed, I'm not who I used to be."

If you find yourself in a destructive relationship, you need to act. And the first step is to admit that you are in a gaslighting situation. And then psychologists, including Robin Stern, recommend acting like this.

Separate facts from distortions and lies

Keep a special diary for this. Record the key moments of your conversations with someone you consider a gaslighter in it. Later, you can compare your notes with the new interpretation of the potential manipulator.

This approach will allow you to find ground under your feet and stop doubting forever.

Start to respect your feelings and have compassion for yourself

You are the best support you have. Therefore, try to carefully consider your emotions. If you're offended by a tactless joke, you don't have to apologize for having a "bad sense of humor." If you are upset, then there are reasons for that. If you are afraid, fear did not appear out of nowhere. All your experiences are important and worth listening to.

Remember that you can't always change the other person's mind

If he thinks you're wrong about everything, you're behaving in the wrong way, you don't feel right, it's better to step aside rather than try again and again something then prove. Let him think what he wants.

Stop the endless showdowns

If you feel like you're having the same conversation over and over again and despite your best efforts you can't get your point across, this dialogue probably doesn't make sense.

Find the strength to talk to close friends

Ask if they notice how you have changed. Find out what they think about your behavior and the actions of the person you think is a gaslighter. Ask people to be extremely sincere.

Do the Thinking Exercises

Imagine that you have ended a toxic relationship, or that a potential gaslighter has temporarily moved to another country. How are you feeling? What are you experiencing? What do you do? It's important that your idea of a free life is as positive as possible - even if it's troubling at first. Imagine yourself strong, free and confident.

This exercise will allow you to gradually break out of a harmful behavioral pattern.

End a destructive relationship

It is often difficult to part with a manipulator, because he can be a spouse, best friend, mother, brother or sister. In this case, in addition to gaslighting, habit and a sense of responsibility also bind you. But try to look at the situation a little from the outside: it's okay to end a relationship with someone who constantly hurts you. It is not necessary to carry an unbearable burden further.

Be prepared for the fact that it can be difficult to get out of such a relationship. You may need the help of friends and family to move out of your gaslighting spouse, for example.

Consult a psychologist

If you are constantly depressed or feel that you are strongly attached to the manipulator and unable to break with him, a visit to a psychologist or psychotherapist is a good solution. The specialist will help restore self-esteem, cope with negative patterns and understand manipulation.

Five signs of gaslighting in a relationship and how to stop it

Psychology

Psychologists define gaslighting as manipulation to sow doubts in someone's objective perception of reality. The goal of a gaslighter is to convince their partner, relative, friend, colleague, interlocutor that her / his opinion is inadequate to the situation or generally accepted standards.

The concept of "gaslighting" took root in society and professional terminology after the success of the British play Gas Light in the distant 1938th and its subsequent adaptations. In the story, the heroine's husband rearranges and hides things in their common home to create the impression that she is losing her memory and reason. In the evenings, the light of the gas burner in the house fades slightly, but the villain convinces his wife that it only seems to her, while he redirects the light power to another part of the house, where he is looking for hidden jewels.

How to tell if you are being gaslighted

Experts consider gaslighting to be a form of psychological abuse, the main purpose of which is to devalue a person's behavior, opinion or intention through ridicule, accusations, intimidation and banal indifference. Experienced Gaslighter Always Ready:

turn the situation around as if you are to blame for everything;
make you question your emotional stability, memory, intelligence, adequacy, age and physiological competence;
deny feelings and facts that are important to you, unwilling to take them seriously and be supportive.

“In essence, gaslighting is always associated with a desire for power and control, a need to take over and avoid responsibility,” explains psychologist and trauma specialist Irina Tkacheva. “A gaslighter is always right, and his victim is always the other way around. The reason for the pressure being exerted may be an inability to cope with emotions or low self-esteem, which makes the gaslighter uncomfortable, and he seeks to assert himself at your expense. Such behavior cannot be justified, but gaslighting can be done unconsciously. Those who from a young age have learned the style of control in a relationship, most likely, are not able to realize how negatively their influence on a partner is. Some people torture others for so long that they turn gaslighting into a survival strategy.”

Here are a few signs to look out for in order to identify (or not) you are a victim of gaslighting.

1. You are losing yourself

Of course, every relationship has its own problems, which from time to time hint to us that it is time to rethink our behavior. However, when you begin to doubt your own needs, interests, and vision to the point where you seem to lose your individuality, this is a clear sign of gaslighting. Moreover, this is the most destructive aspect of this format of communication.

2. They don't hear you (and don't want to hear)

If you constantly notice that in the process of sorting things out and other serious conversations, your partner interrupts you, ridicules your point of view, or listens with half an ear, take this as a signal to think about your compatibility. “If you want to convey your idea to your partner, you slander or write long messages instead of expressing them directly, you are looking for ways to get through to your loved one, adapting to gaslighting,” adds Irina Tkacheva.

3. Your feelings are being ignored

Another sign is when you share your feelings with a partner and he/she says in response that you are wrong or too receptive. “By convincing you that you should think or feel differently, the loved one confirms their unwillingness to take responsibility for your experiences, demonstrating a clear talent for gaslighting,” confirms the psychologist. - It is easy to predict the next stage in the development of events: you will begin to torment yourself with self-criticism and suppress feelings for the sake of your partner’s opinion. No one deserves such a sacrifice, it is simply unacceptable. In the context of a healthy relationship, you can always defend your personal views, feelings and ambitions, and the partner is ready to listen to any of your doubts/experiences and help get rid of them.”

4. Difficulty expressing opinions

It is common for a gaslighter to place the blame on others or circumstances—including any fights, hitches, tardiness, and personal mistakes/failures. According to the psychologist, in order to prove his case, the gaslighter is ready to suggest that events developed differently than you thought. At the same time, any objections on your part will run into a blank wall of misunderstanding, which over time will make it impossible to freely exchange views and sincere expression of feelings, and hence happiness in a relationship.

5. You begin to believe that you are not good enough

In a long toxic relationship, someone who is under constant gaslight attack sooner or later begins to believe that he/she is the problem. Negative suggestions penetrate the subconscious and gradually lead you to the conclusion that in fact you are not good enough and are literally to blame for everything. “Objectively, this is impossible,” the expert recalls. - In a normal relationship, both partners admit that they make mistakes, and both know how to apologize for them. If responsibility is shifted to one side, this is an indicator of a clear injustice and that the dynamics of the relationship is built around power and control.

How to stop gaslighting in a relationship

Of course, the first thing you need to do is talk to your partner, in case she/she doesn't really know what she/she is doing. Keep in mind, if you happen to be lucky enough to pair up with a narcissist, the conversation runs the risk of reaching a dead end and causing even more discomfort. Gaslighters don't really care about your opinions or feelings, and narcissists have no remorse or empathy, which means you'll need megatons of energy to try to convince them of anything.

If the gaslighter is raging in earnest and you physically feel the toxicity of what is happening (you are absent-minded, always on your nerves, and your heart is ready to jump out of your chest as soon as you start a conversation with a sweetheart), but you cannot resist it - run. No extra talk. Get out of this relationship - the sooner the better. Yes, this is not an easy step, but necessary for self-defense and dignity. Don't forget that control is a key marker of gaslighting. Prepare for the fact that your escape will be accompanied by powerful emotional-manipulative attacks. You can’t do without support - ask your friends, sister, mother or psychologist for it.

“Whether you choose to stay or leave, professional help is important in understanding your attachment patterns,” Tkacheva argues. - Perhaps you need to not just get out of your current relationship, but change your lifestyle in order to get rid of harmful patterns. It is difficult to immediately determine the essence of the person with whom we fall in love, but by analyzing past relationships, we get a chance to recognize the warning signs that we persistently ignore in the hope of love and a strong connection.

Photo: Dronova Olga

The main truth that should be adhered to in the fight against gaslighting is that you are not to blame for what is happening, even if your partner convinces you otherwise.

Learn more