How to build an emotional connection

12 Ways to Get and Give More of It

Humans are hardwired for social connection. Without the ease of electricity, running water, or Starbucks drive-throughs, the collective survival of our early ancestors depended on being able to work together; to trust one another.

Emotional intimacy — a closeness between two people who feel safe and secure with each other — is one of the ways we form that trust.

Unfortunately, many of us have built-in barriers that make it difficult to build emotional connections.

For example, depression has been shown to strain romantic relationships while some personality disorders make it hard to get close to other people. Or, if you were raised to hide your emotions, being open and vulnerable in relationships might feel super uncomfortable.

But if emotional intimacy is a mountain in your path, know there are routes to the summit — even if you can’t see them clearly yet. This article will cover what emotional intimacy looks like and how you can cultivate more of it in your life.

We often define relationships as being high in emotional intimacy when there’s trust, good communication, and closeness, says Dr. Joti Samra, a registered psychologist and CEO and founder of MyWorkPlaceHealth.

By no means does the relationship need to be sexual in nature, she adds. While emotional intimacy helps hold romantic relationships together, you can be just as emotionally intimate with a platonic friend as with your significant other, she says.

Here are some examples of how emotional intimacy might be expressed and formed:

A close friend confides to you that they were bullied as a child. You offer emotional support and listen nonjudgmentally to their experiences.
You and your S.O. have a hard conversation over where your relationship is headed. After working through difficulties, you emerge with a healthier bond.
You tell your parents about a behavior of theirs that has distressed you. They listen carefully to your complaints and seriously discuss how to improve.
After a stressful day at work, you tell a friend that you’re unhappy in your career. They validate your feelings and support you in reaching your own decision.

Don’t confuse emotional intimacy with harmful relationship habits

Emotional intimacy is built on equal communication and trust. If your relationship is one-sided, it may be time to reconsider how that connection is going, says Samra.

For example, unloading your emotional burden on someone to get pity or cause guilt is not being emotionally intimate. Neither is trauma bonding, a term used to describe the bond that forms between a victim and their abuser.

Similarly, depending on another person to the point where it blurs personal boundaries is not emotional intimacy and may be a sign of a codependent relationship.

How to know if there’s a lack of emotional intimacy

According to Samra, if you’re not getting emotional intimacy in a relationship, you might feel:

unsafe or that the other person doesn’t have your back

on edge and apprehensive when the other person is around
unfulfilled by the relationship
unheard, unacknowledged, or misunderstood
like communication between the two of you is ineffective

Building emotional intimacy isn’t like baking bread — there’s no set formula. Everyone develops it differently and has differing levels of comfort around it, said Samra.

But you can get the ball rolling by applying some of the following advice.

Work on being an engaged listener

According to Samra, communication is the bedrock of building trust. And real communication happens when people actually hear one another. “It’s being able to hear someone, listen to someone, understand them, and then, behaviorally, to be able to execute and [act] based on what those needs are,” she said.

Problem-solve difficult feelings

If you have high emotional intelligence, identifying and communicating emotions — in yourself or in others — might feel second nature. But know that it might not be so easy for your partner. So when things get tense or hard, start by asking broad questions.

“If someone says they’re upset, [ask] what does that mean? Is it anger? Is it sad? Is it fearful?” says Samra.

If you have trouble putting labels on your emotions, you might find emotion wheels help you get specific.

Leave your comfort zone

Inside each of us is an internal fortress that safeguards all deepest truths, the pieces of ourselves we’ve decided need protecting.

Being vulnerable is like opening up a side door in the castle wall and letting someone else in. It’s a way of signaling that you trust them, and usually it helps the other person feel like they can trust you in return.

Couples, have more (healthy) sex!

If you’re in a partnership, being physically intimate can go a long way in making you feel close to your partner. One study found being sexually satisfied significantly predicted the level of emotional intimacy between married people.

If you want to improve your sex life, a good place to start is working on having emotionally healthy sex.

Create a safe space

Fundamental to building emotional intimacy is asking: What does the other person require for safety and trust? says Samra. In order for the other person to let their guard down and be vulnerable, they first need to feel safe doing so.

Don’t rush the process

Building trust can take time. We shouldn’t expect the other person — nor ourselves — to immediately be comfortable with vulnerability, says Samra.

Check-in questions after an intimate moment

If you want to get a better understanding of an intimate encounter, ask yourself these questions about how it went.

Did you feel safe and supported during the interaction?
Did you feel like you could have said anything without being judged?
Were they invested in what you said, rather than just waiting for their chance to speak?

Unfortunately, emotional intimacy can also be lost. This can feel devastating and sometimes intensely painful. However, there may be a path toward rebuilding what you lost, if the other person is willing.

Take accountability. Own up to what you did, however painful it might be.
Apologize (sincerely). It’s important that you really are sorry for what you did; it’s not enough to only say the words. Whether they accept your apology is up to them.
Be patient. To rebuild trust, it’s important to give the other person the time and space they need to heal and process.
Accept that the relationship will be different now. Although it may be painful, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to return to the relationship as it once was; be prepared to start over from square one, or somewhere close to it.
Commit to changing problematic behaviors. You can’t expect to get different results if you keep acting the same way. It’s going to take effort — and maybe professional help — but it’s worth it if you really care about maintaining the relationship.
Respect their wishes. The ball is now in their court. You can try your best to rebuild that emotional bond, but if they’re not comfortable trusting you, you have to let them go.

What to do if you’ve been hurt

If someone has hurt you, you might be scared as hell to let them back in. That totally makes sense. Your situation is unique to you but one thing is for sure: you need to get real about how this person affects your life. To help you understand if it’s time to put some distance between you and this person, ask yourself these questions:

Do they cause you regular stress and anxiety?
Have they broken your trust before?
Do they seem genuinely invested in your happiness or are they always focused on themself?
Do they put effort into changing problematic behavior?

One of the downfalls of modern day partnerships is that we expect to get all of our needs met by our significant other. Not only is this taxing on both people, it’s pretty limiting to rely on one person’s perspective and advice.

Plus, relationships end. You don’t want to get yourself into a situation where the end of a relationship means the end of your emotional support system.

So in parting, we encourage you to keep up with your platonic relationships, too. Give your best friend — or maybe your mom! — a call tonight. They’ll be happy to hear from you.

How to build emotional intimacy with your partner — starting tonight

When we discuss intimacy in a romantic partnership, what usually comes to mind are physical acts, such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing and even sex. While physical intimacy is integral in any romantic partnership — it’s one of the primary factors that sets it apart from any other type of relationship — fostering emotional intimacy is just as, if not more, important.

What is emotional intimacy and why does it matter?

“Emotional intimacy could be defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities and trust,” says Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University’s clinical psychology Ph.D. program. “Part of a relationship is sharing your secrets, talking about your relationship, and telling your partner important news. A couple is generally happier when both parties can share and understand each other’s feelings.”

Ultimately, emotional intimacy creates a deep sense of security within your relationship and an ability to be wholly yourself — warts and all — without feeling as if you risk the relationship itself. Without this intimacy, a relationship struggles in many ways. For example, you might feel bitter or resentful, experience hypersensitivity, have fears regarding your partner’s loyalty to you, or experience feelings of isolation or loneliness.

It's not sustainable long-term to have a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy.

“If emotional intimacy is lacking, [one or both of you] may feel a lack of safety, love, support, overall connection, and it also will most likely affect the physical intimacy in a romantic relationship. It's not sustainable long-term to have a romantic relationship without emotional intimacy,” says Rachel Wright, a marriage counselor and licensed psychotherapist. “If you think about emotional intimacy as the foundation of any relationship, it really becomes a no-brainer to invest your resources (time, money and energy) into building it and continuing to nurture it.”

4 immediate ways to improve emotional intimacy

Fostering emotional intimacy is an ongoing practice and, like many things, may take some time to master. However, there are a few things you can do — starting tonight — to improve the emotional connection you have with your partner.

Be strategically vulnerable to earn their trust

Even if we’ve spent an enormous amount of time with someone, it’s sometimes difficult to break down our personal walls. Though you cannot force another to become vulnerable, you can go out of your way to be vulnerable yourself.

“The practice of strategic vulnerability is critically important. Instead of trying to be vulnerable in every area of your life, pick one place to start,” says Paul Hokemeyer, a psychotherapist and author of “Fragile Power: Why Having Everything Is Never Enough”. This might translate to sharing something that happened at work you might not have otherwise discussed, expressing a feeling you’ve had in the past that’s been hard to share, or revealing a fact about yourself that you’ve been holding onto.

Give your partner daily affirmations and compliments

Whether you’re six months into a relationship or 60 years deep, it’s easy to take our partner’s positive attributes for granted and sometimes difficult to express how much we cherish them.

“Making a habit of giving specific compliments and affirmations to your partner can help you keep perspective as to why this person is special to you, and it can help them know you see them. You never want your partner to feel invisible because you forgot to share your appreciation,” says Hafeez.

These verbal affirmations can be as simple as saying, “I want you to know how deeply I love you” or “I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to do x, y or z.”

Prioritize sexual satisfaction

A study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that couples reported having a greater emotional connection when they were sexually satisfied. In that sense, the two are inextricably linked. While having sex itself isn’t a cure-all for improving your emotional bond, taking the time to learn and explore your partner’s desires — and having the same reciprocated — can lead to greater feelings of emotional connection in and out of the bedroom, says Hafeez.

Make an effort to break out of your day-to-day routine

With how busy life gets, it’s easy to hit a comfort zone plateau in which we move past each other simply trying to scratch items off our to-do lists. This is in stark contrast to the beginning of a relationship, when everything we do seems new and exciting, and when we go above and beyond.

“This can mean that we have lost sight of the value of doing things for each other that generate joy or intimacy in the other person. We stop trying to impress, we stop trying to understand, and in such environments, vulnerability and feelings can get lost to the routine of the everyday,” says Hafeez. “It is incredibly important that we make time for each other in a more profound way than just dinner or bedtime together. ”

Garner inspiration from those early courting days in a relationship. Maybe you plan a spontaneous beginners square dancing date night, you decide to go for ice cream and a stroll, you show up with “just because” flowers, or you sit down together and plan a weekend getaway.

More relationship advice

How the '5-5-5 method' helps this married couple work through conflict
Relationship in a slump? Here's what to say to your partner
What to do after a fight with your partner, according to a relationship coach
What is maintenance sex? It may help strengthen your marriage
How redesigning our master bedroom gave my marriage a boost

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7 ways to strengthen the emotional connection with a partner

In any relationship, there comes a moment when the euphoria passes, and the harsh everyday life comes with an unknown force. And when a conflict occurs, partners sometimes step back instead of resolving everything. Problems multiply, the old intimacy is lost... Relationship experts tell you how to improve the situation.

Vita Zorina

Tags:

Relationship psychology

Expert advice

Significant other

Vostock-media

1. Do something without him

When people feel that their relationship has become worse, they sometimes think that they are moving away. In fact, personal space, oddly enough, can help build relationships! Sign up for a cooking class, let him come up with a new hobby - all this will help you think of each other as a separate person, and not a "half".

2. Go somewhere together

Holidays together bring people together. Away from everyday life, work, relatives, people open up and calm down more. New experiences or a trip to romantic first date places - both will help you remember that you are really attached to each other.

3. Leave work at work

Checking email at dinner and phone in bed is bad not only for your personal mental health, but also for relationships. It is important to draw a line of demarcation between work and home! You can talk about a funny situation in the office, but making work the topic of the evening is not.

4. Listen to each other

Everyone can speak, but few can listen. Try talking in a new way: one opens his mouth, the other listens and stops himself whenever he wants to interrupt with a remark or addition. At first it looks strange, but it heals the relationship very well.

5. Pay more attention to your partner

Do you spend every evening together, but are so busy with small things that you hardly talk? It is not right. Tell him something nice, hug him once again - all this will help him feel like a welcome person in this place and at this time, and not just a roommate.

6. Agree....not negotiate

If you have some topics that you don't agree on (and probably never agree on), let each other stand by your opinion. You are two people, not an extension of each other, and everyone has the right to their own vision of the situation.

7. Schedule a date

A good way to escape from the routine is to go on a date like in the good old days, without friends and children, just the two of you. Details can be kept secret, so everyone in turn will have a surprise, and for sure a pleasant one.

15 subtle ways to create an emotional connection with a man :: Infoniak

22 Mar, 2022 06:26 20340 Relationships

18+

Incredible Facts

Connecting with a man on an emotional level is what makes him fall in love with you. This is what turns one fleeting night into a long-term relationship. The main thing is to learn how to do it.

Physical attraction is the simplest part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

A study published in the Journal of Neurology found that, neurologically speaking, the neurochemical response associated with being in love is triggered in as little as one-fifth of a second. That is, it takes us a fraction of a second to decide whether we are interested in a person.

The bottom line is that physical attraction can be short-lived. At the same time, emotional attraction, when you are attracted to a person’s personality, his thoughts, dreams and spiritual qualities, remains for a long time.

Here are 15 ways to create an emotional connection with a man, according to experts.

How to create an emotional connection with a man

1. Use touch to get closer

If you don't know how to show a person that you like them and take the initial attraction to the next level, the first and easiest thing to do is to use more physical touch.

Take every opportunity for to hug or lightly touch the man as you pass him. Remove imaginary lint from his sweater or shirt, or take it somewhere by holding his hand.

Such touches should be quick and casual . It's a simple and effective way to gradually bond and build chemistry between you or take a friendship to a more emotional level.

2. Compliment

Having a positive attitude towards the man you like will help you build the foundation of a strong emotional attachment.

Almost everyone loves compliments, even if they don't know how to take them.

Read also: 100+ original options for how to respond to a compliment

Therefore, try to compliment the man you like whenever possible, positively influencing his self-confidence when he is next to you.

Don't do this all the time . If you bombard him with compliments non-stop, they will look insincere. Try to become for him a woman with whom he wants to be near, helping him feel at his best.

As his confidence grows, he will appreciate the positive influence you have on him, and his emotional attachment to you will also grow until he can imagine being without you.

3. Do not rush to bed with a man

If you notice that your relationship often ends quickly before you have time to establish an emotional connection with a man, this may be due to the fact that you enter into an intimate relationship too early .

You may think that physical intimacy will help you keep a man or make him love you more, but this is not so. A man will not be with you just because you will have sex with him. Remember that you are worth much more.

If you jump right into the physical side of a relationship, it can get too intense and fade quickly. When the excitement of the honeymoon wears off and there isn't an emotional connection between you, there won't be a strong enough attraction between you to keep you together, and your relationship may end.

When to make love is your personal decision, and this does not mean that the relationship will not develop if you started immediately with intimacy. However, better wait until you feel more comfortable before getting physically closer.

Try to establish an emotional connection first by going on dates, doing things together, and getting to know who the person is. This is important in order for the emotional attraction between you to grow and develop into the longer lasting relationship you desire.

4. Communicate and get to know each other better

Have you tried to communicate with a man? Think about the conversations you had when you spent time together. How well do you really know this man?

Or maybe your relationship revolves around intimacy or work or some other business? Ask yourself if you spend time together to hear what the person thinks, what their views of the world are, what they like or don't like .

If you talk a lot but still don't know much about him, consider whether you're trying to dominate the conversation.

Read also: 100+ Tricky Questions to Ask a Penpal

If a man does not want to talk about personal topics, try to talk about topics that are closer to him, or ask him questions about him . Give him time to open up to you if he wants to. Talk and laugh together, show that he can trust you, and this will strengthen your relationship.

5. Take an interest in his hobby

If you want to connect emotionally with the man you like, try to join one of his favorite activities or let him schedule a date while doing what he likes.

Try to encourage him to talk about topics he enjoys, and enthusiastically join him in doing something he's good at, even if it's new to you.

You may not show much interest in his hobbies, whether it's playing football, a particular genre of music, or even cooking. Whatever it is, try to be open so you can learn more about his interests for his sake. And be positive about trying it. You might like it too.

The point is not that you have to adopt his hobby, but to show that you are interested in him and are ready to join what he likes, know how to support and accept him for who he is.

Doing things together that your man enjoys will help him feel more relaxed around you. In his comfort zone, it will be easier for him to open up to you, and you will get to know him better.

6. Be considerate and show that you care

Arranging little surprises and showing that you care about him is an easy way to form a stronger emotional attachment in a man.

You don't have to do something big. Show that you remember what he mentioned about himself, or cook his favorite meal.

It could just be the morning coffee you bought him on the way, or the sandwich you brought him for a date.

He will notice your attention, and may want to do the same for you, gradually thinking about your needs. He will appreciate you more because of your concern and the fact that you are ready to support him.

Small gestures like these will help him get to know you better and lead to a stronger emotional connection.

How to build a relationship with a man

7. Listen to a man

It seems quite simple and you may think that you are already doing it, but very often we do not hear what a man says so well.

Avoid the following errors :

First of all, don't interrupt it with . Even if you have a similar experience that you want to share, or you want to show that you understand him by commenting, refrain from commenting until he has finished speaking. It can be difficult for him to open up, and no matter how harmless your comments may seem to you, they can unsettle him and make him feel that you are trying to take control of the conversation.

Also don't try to "save" a man all the time . There may be times when he seeks advice, but sometimes he just needs someone to talk to. Listening does not always mean solving the problem, it means giving him the opportunity to speak out and share the emotions he is experiencing without interruption and judgment.

The more he feels that he can trust and rely on you, the more valuable you will become to him. This will only strengthen your emotional connection, as you will be an indispensable partner for him in good times and bad.

8. Don't share all the information too soon

Many women believe that in order to fall in love with a man, it is best to be completely frank with him and share all your thoughts.

It seems to you that by sharing your personal history and secrets, you will be able to get closer faster and this will create an emotional attraction between you.

However, not all so simple. If you have strong feelings for a man and are ready to tell him about them, this does not mean that he feels the same way. If you share your feelings with him too soon, it can push him away and make him run while he can.

Getting close too early can be intimidating, especially if the man isn't as emotionally open as you are.

Conversations about difficult, personal topics can weigh down relationships because you have to bear the burden of the secrets you shared. If your relationship is still in its infancy, it will stifle any casualness and make it serious too quickly.

Don't overload a man by turning dates into interviews. Let them happen naturally, and as you get to know each other better, you will find that in the process you get closer and learn more about each other.

The more you try to force emotional attraction, the less likely it will be between you. The best thing you can do is act natural and be patient, resisting the urge to rush the process.

9. Don't rush things

Try to slow down attempts to force the relationship. Perhaps you like a man and want to show that you care about him. You may be tempted to speed up the development of your relationship, but this is what can cause them to end prematurely.

He will either be put off by the fact that you are too assertive while he does not yet feel the same, or he will quickly become bored because your efforts deprive the relationship of pleasure.

If you really want to create a lasting emotional connection with someone, let the relationship develop at its own pace, even if it's slower than you'd like.

Perhaps he hasn't gone through a past relationship yet, or is at a stage in his life where he's not looking for something serious. Perhaps he perceives you simply as a friend, but this does not mean that there is no connection between you and the possibility of developing into something more.

Don't try to force him to spend time together or be who you think he wants you to be. Keep your independence, your own circle of friends and hobbies, and do not give up everything for it. If something is destined to happen, it will happen, you just need to give time for the feelings to develop.

10. Stay independent

Availability does not contribute to building relationships with a man. It takes time to develop feelings and emotional attachment, and this can be achieved by respecting each other as individuals.

Of course, you want to show that you will always be with a man, and want to spend as much time with him as possible. But it's also important for to keep his independence, friends and interests by not adjusting his life to his life too soon . This will help maintain balance and maintain a healthy relationship.

The time spent apart from him will help you better understand how you both feel. Doing something for yourself will give you self-confidence and a charge of happiness that you can give him.

Also, time apart will give him the opportunity to understand how much he misses you , and the time spent together will be more intense and enjoyable for both, bringing you even closer.

Try not to lose yourself in a relationship. Reinforce the best qualities in each other, and do not give up yourself to please the other. Remember your happiness, and all other components of the relationship will fall into place.

11. Be strategically vulnerable around him

If you want to show a man that you are someone he can trust and open up to, you may need to take the first step.

It will be hard for him to open up and be emotionally vulnerable around you if you can't do the same with him.

If you are reserved and closed, you should not expect anything else from him. While you are in such an impasse, it is difficult for relationships to develop.

At the same time, you should not go too far and constantly throw out all your thoughts and feelings. If a man is not very emotional, this will overwhelm him and deprive your relationship of pleasure.

But you can show him that it's okay to be emotionally vulnerable by revealing some of your personal information and breaking down walls.

If you don't constantly bombard a man with deep, heavy conversations, then the moments when you open up to him will have a greater effect. He will notice that you obviously trust him enough to share more personal feelings and memories with him, and this will encourage him to do the same, creating an emotional attraction.

You don't always have to stick to "safe" topics of conversation, like careers, pets, or how your weekend went.

Remember that the emotional connection must be deep. If you treat the person you are interested in as a casual acquaintance, he will continue to perceive you that way, even if he is interested in something more. If you want to continue the relationship, don't be afraid to open up and be honest about your feelings.

12. Accept that a man can show his feelings differently

Do you expect a man to behave in a certain way? What should he do to show you that he likes you?

You should keep in mind that in people show their feelings in different ways. Just because you expect a man to behave in a certain way doesn't mean it will.

He may be outwardly unemotional, or he may find it difficult to express his emotions clearly. For example, you are used to giving compliments to show that you like a person. He, in turn, can show feelings by surprising you on dates or with gifts.

You may think that physical touching and flirting are a sign of how much the person likes you, while the may show interest by being protective of you or expressing a desire to spend more time at home.

Try to learn more about a man in order to understand his way of expressing love.

He may not show you that you are attracted to him in the way you expect, but this does not mean that he does not show it at all.

13. Let him know the real you

When we first meet, we always want to make a good first impression. We carefully monitor our appearance, tell our best stories so as not to embarrass ourselves.

However, there will come a point when you start to relax in front of someone you like.

You are human and you cannot be perfect all the time. If you can't relax in front of the man you like, he will never know the real you.

If you find it difficult to create an emotional connection with a man, think about how you appear before him .

Do you let him know the one behind the makeup, hair and jokes? Can you be imperfect around him and let him get to know the real you, where you may not always say or do the right thing but still be yourself?

Emotional attraction is hard to come by if you don't allow your true personality to come out and act the way you want to be perceived.

Be yourself, and if a man doesn't like you like that, no external attributes will create an emotional connection between you.

14. Think about whether you are suitable for each other

If you can't connect emotionally with a man, it doesn't always mean there's something wrong with you or that you're doing everything wrong. Perhaps you just haven't found the right person yet.

Emotional attraction cannot be forced . It can take a while to develop, but if you've given it that time and tried your best to let your relationship develop naturally and it doesn't, then the attraction just isn't there.

Emotional attachment is not something that can be rushed or faked, and it can take some time to develop.

If you want an emotional attraction between you, this does not mean that it will definitely arise. We don't always choose the right partner, and as you get to know each other, it will become clear if you are truly compatible.

If you cannot establish an emotional connection with a man, perhaps this is simply not meant to be. In such a case, it is best to accept this fact and try to move on to avoid more suffering.

15. Be true to your chosen relationship

If you really want a relationship with someone to work, you need to trust and commit yourself to the relationship.

Often this means accepting the fact that nothing will work out, but what you feel is worth continuing despite the risk.

If you've dated multiple men, but really want to make it work with one of them, then you need to cut ties with the rest and focus on just one.

You won't be able to create a deeper and more emotional attraction to a person if you throw your attention on a lot of other people.

It will be difficult for a man to open up to you if you cannot devote your time and attention to him, and there is no level of trust between you that is necessary in order to ignite emotional, and not just physical attraction.

The thought of failing and hurting you can be intimidating and turn you away from commitment to one person.