Signs of a dysfunctional person

15 Signs of a Dysfunctional Relationship

In This Article

Some relationships bring happiness, great times, and memories. However, some become the cause of heartache and sorrow. It is one of the hardest things to identify the red flags in a relationship and get rid of them. 

So, what are the signs of a dysfunctional relationship?

Dysfunctional relationships do a great deal in causing emotional havoc to both the partners. They add unhealthy challenges to the relationship and have a distressing tendency that grows more with time.

What is a dysfunctional relationship?

The word “dysfunctional” or “toxic” is used when things are not working well in a relationship. 

It happens when relationships don’t fulfill their fundamental purpose of bringing happiness and emotional support for their partners and are continuously filled with upsetting challenges and instability rather than fulfillment. 

When you start realizing more destructive rather than constructive time with your partner, then these are signs of a dysfunctional relationship.

A dysfunctional relationship is always toxic and is often a dead-end to the relationship.

Also Try: Dysfunctional Relationship Quiz

How do dysfunctional relationships start?

A dysfunctional relationship is often the result of our childhood events. Kids who are brought up in a chaotic environment often become dysfunctional partners in their relationships. These individuals end up using dysfunctional relationship patterns with their partners. 

Leaving unsolved relationship issues for too long can also become the cause of dysfunctional relationships. The journey to a healthy relationship begins by establishing a healthy, secure, and durable understanding with the partner.

Depending on your partner for all the happiness is another indication of dysfunctional relationship patterns. It could be torturing to deal with incessant ups and downs in a dysfunctional relationship when we desire peace from the screaming roller coaster of the relationship.

Remember, there is no perfect relationship. It requires continuous healthy communication for conflict management. No matter how good a relationship is, you should never sacrifice your security, happiness, and mental peace for it.

Related Reading: Understanding Dysfunction in a Love Relationship

15 signs of a dysfunctional relationship

It’s hard to imagine a long-term relationship without causing some self-destructive behavior. There could be different methods to deal with the distinct types of a dysfunctional relationship. 

A dysfunctional person overlooks their partner and eventually eradicates them from their life. Consequently, successful people take time to understand and reduce the destructive effects of their relationships.

The following 15 signs of a dysfunctional relationship represent the negative experiences that most people witness in their life. 

Noticing these signs at an early stage can help stop the vicious damage to relationship commitment.

1. Dominance or submission in the relationship

Who got the authority to make all decisions in your relationship? Is it equally shared or one-sided? 

A relationship based on the power hierarchy with one partner on top and the other following all the rules does not work in the long run. It may feel as your partner is becoming more demanding, ignoring, and pulling you away in the relationship. 

Healthy relationships comprise generously shared power to take the decision and support each other.

2. Blame game

Mostly discontented and frustrated couples blame each other for the arising problems in the relationship. Consequently, people taking responsibility for their words and actions to achieve a satisfactory relationship.

Dysfunctional communication is one of the basic reasons for increasing blame game in the relationship. Couples stop discussing and start blaming their partner for the issues. 

If your partner does not take responsibility for their actions and you are working alone in the relationship, it is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship.

Related Reading: The Blame Game Is Destructive to Your Marriage

3. Tension

Most people hesitate to speak about the conflicted stuff with their partner during a peaceful time. They feel reluctant and desire to enjoy the good time without initiating another fight. 

The truth is that you can never have good times while being in a dysfunctional love relationship.

4. Frustration

When it’s extremely complicated to work on the simple things in the relationship, despite exerting full effort and hard work, it is always hard to work with your partner because of their non-stop frustration. 

When you are in a relationship with an insensitive egoistic dysfunctional person, you feel attacked, not doing enough, feel burdened, and decisions are thrown at your face.

Related Reading: How to Cope With Frustration in Relationships?

5. Disloyalty

Having a destructive triangle is one of the signs of a dysfunctional person. They share private information with somebody outside the relationship without taking their partner in confidence. 

While it is common to share with friends and get advice, it becomes concerning and highly uncomfortable when the confidante tells everything to the unaware partner. It results in initiating multiple cases of disloyalty.

Related Reading: What Is Loyalty in Relationships?

6. Resentment

The increasing level of resentment in the relationship acts as the silent poison along with contributing to dysfunctional communication. Having daily basis resentments affect interaction with your partner to work on broken things in the relationship. 

While prolonged resentment is often associated with pride and values, it is powerful enough to ruin your relationship.

Related Relationship: How Do You Let Go of Anger and Resentment in a Relationship?

7. High levels of conflict

A dysfunctional person will always initiate destructive communication in the relationship. You can imagine when a discussion starts with, “How can you be always selfish?” or “You are the troublemaker.”  

No relationship is perfect, and without conflict, it is possible to solve most of the conflicts with good communication and using conflict management methods.

8. Continuous criticism

With a clear difference between positive and negative criticism, a healthy relationship does not have to face issues with continuous criticism. 

A dysfunctional person continuously ignores your existence, uses an aggressive tone, and hurts your self-esteem. You are in a dysfunctional love relationship when your partner is tearing you down instead of being your cheerleader.

Related Reading: Critical Spouse Signs and How to Deal With It

9. You are constantly unhappy

While all relationships have arguments, it is common to get upset with your significant other. If there is constant unhappiness in the relationship, you need to check and speak to your partner about it. It is a dysfunctional relationship belief to tolerate unhappiness long-term. You deserve to be happy!

10. Boundary violations

People establish boundaries to keep their concerns and vulnerabilities safe in the relationship. 

It is one of the types of dysfunctional relationships when your partner does not respect their boundary. They violate boundaries to sneak into the private secrets of their partners without worrying about their damaging consequences.

Related Reading: Personal Boundaries You Need in Your Relationship

11. The sole source of happiness

It can be good to rely on our partners sometimes. However, we should never be the sole reason for your happiness. 

This is a clear sign of a dysfunctional relationship. Your partner should be happy in the first place and even happier to be with you, but don’t always connect your happiness to their happiness as it is unrealistic.

12. Emotional detachment

A healthy relationship requires a continuous emotional security. You are in a dysfunctional love relationship if you do not feel emotional connectivity with your partner. The lack of emotional availability, selfishness, and dynamic interests are signs of a dysfunctional person.

Related Reading: Signs of an Emotionally Disconnected Marriage

13. Holding grudges

The lack of consideration in responding to the expressed and unknown complaints causes grudges in the relationship. 

These grudges can be small in the beginning but can fester over time. Dysfunctional persons are always resentful and consider themselves being victimized by partners.

Take a look at the video below that illustrates how grudges are hurtful and how they can play havoc in the relationship:

14. Uncertainty

It is an obvious sign of a dysfunctional relationship when you are constantly unsure about your partner’s behavior. A dysfunctional person will be nice, caring, and sweet one night and opposite the other. 

You start living on the edge with a consistent need to watch out for your tone, voice, and actions.

15. Lack of trust

Trust serves as the core element of a healthy relationship. A relationship with no trust is not going to last longer. 

It can be a type of dysfunctional relationship when they are continuously questioning and do not trust you.  

Related Reading: How to Handle a Lack of Trust in a Relationship 

Why do people stay in dysfunctional relationships?

People often stay in dysfunctional relationships because of feeling stuck in their feelings, worried about the future, and not able to understand their feelings. 

Too often, they do not know “how to get out of a dysfunctional relationship.”

We have compiled a list of some reasons down below that make people live in a dysfunctional relationship:

1. Do not understand love

Most people who keep up with the dysfunctional relationship are unaware of the true meaning of Love. 

They settle with negatively impacted dysfunctional love while considering it the love of their life.

Related Reading: Questions to Ask Yourself to Determine Your Definition of Love

2. Hope

They keep hoping that everything is going to work out one day. 

The dysfunctional relationship patterns are going to become healthy. Hope can be realistic and delusional at the same time. However, the need is to be practical.

Related Reading: Can an Unhealthy Relationship Be Changed to a Healthy One?

3. Dependency

A dysfunctional person fills a relationship with negativity, toxicity, physical and emotional violent behavior. 

Despite knowing all signs of a dysfunctional person, people often believe it’s hard to live without them. Therefore, they refuse to take in any offered opportunity to escape the relationship.

4. For their children

All parents desire to raise their children together and save them from the heartbreaking pain of divorce. 

Likewise, they want to save themselves from the blame coming from their children for not holding the family together. They choose to stay with a dysfunctional person and relationship with their children.

Related Reading: How to End a Dysfunctional Relationship Cycle

How do you fix a dysfunctional relationship?

It’s hard to imagine life without having our loved ones and special relationships. With proper guidance and dedication, it is never too late to work on a dysfunctional relationship.

We collected few points down below that can help in fixing your dysfunctional relationship:

  • Invest in your personal growth together.
  • Show mutual willingness to improve and work together for a healthier relationship.
  • Be responsible for your behavior and actions in the relationship.
  • Initiate meaningful conversations with your partner.
  • If there is any toxicity in the relationship, you need to acknowledge it
  • Forget about your past events and work for a healthy future together
  • Be patient and stay flexible
  • Find self-soothing strategies like workout and meditation sessions
  • Try couple therapy for working things out


It can be hard to fix dysfunctional relationship beliefs; however, the right approach and efforts can help achieve a positive relationship over time. 

Make sure to keep a healthy check on your partner while you are working hard to make things right. 

It can be hard to always avoid disagreements and blame in relationships; however, you can do this with the right mindset and attitude. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy, happy, and comforting relationship.

What Is a Dysfunctional Personality?

When you have depression or anxiety, it is often pretty clear. You feel nervous or down and that misery is very much on your mind. But what does it mean to have a dysfunctional personality? This is a much more complicated question.

First, like so many terms in the field of psychology and psychiatry, the term personality is a complicated one. A useful working definition of personality is “the organized, developing, psychological systems within an individual.” The question that follows from this definition is what are these systems and how are they organized? One useful scheme divides psychological systems up into three broad levels; 1) temperament; 2) characteristic adaptations; and 3) identity. Temperament refers to a person’s general traits and dispositions, and five major classes of traits have been identified (extraversion, neuroticism, agreeableness, conscientiousness and openness). Once someone reaches the age of 25 or so, their traits will generally stabilize. Characteristic adaptations refer to ways people characteristically adjust and respond to their environment. Recently, I have argued that there are five systems of adaptation, namely 1) the habit system; 2) the experiential system; 3) relational system; 4) defensive system and 5) justification system. The final layer of personality is your identity, which refers to the broad constellation of beliefs and values an individual has about herself, others and the world and how those are pulled together into a self-narrative that justifies their existence relative to others.

So what makes a dysfunctional personality? First, let’s consider what we mean by the word “functional." An individual is functional when they are able to effectively work toward realizing valued goal states, given the stressors and affordances they face.

Now, when clinicians are considering the functioning of one’s personality, they are especially looking at two broad domains, that of identity and interpersonal relations. Thus, the question of what is a dysfunctional personality broadly comes down to questions of how does the individual function in these domains, especially when faced with stressors? There are specific things one can look for.

When examining identity, the following domains can be assessed: 1) The degree of integration and integrity in the self-concept, especially under stress or duress; and 2) the capacity for and quality of self-directedness. A healthy/resilient (aka functional) identity is characterized by a general degree of self-acceptance and compassion, the ability to have appropriate boundaries relative to significant others, the ability to tolerate a range of emotions while maintaining a consistent sense of self, the ability to self-reflect and accurately narrate one’s experiences, and the capacity to recognize and experience different self-states but not become unglued, overly conflicted or dramatically inconsistent in response to the pressures of such different states. In addition, a functional identity is associated with the capacity to effectively set long term goals and live according to internalized standards that function as guides, but have a feeling of ownership of those standards and not be overly rigid or inflexible in relationship to them.

It follows, then, that an unhealthy/vulnerable (aka dysfunctional) identity is associated with problems of esteem and acceptance, fragmentation, difficulty tolerating strong emotion, lack of harmony between feelings and self-concept, the presence of self-states that lead to erratic or contradictory actions, rigidity, and the inability to effectively self-direct in accordance with internalized goals and ethical standards.

When examining the functioning of individuals’ relationships, the following domains can be assessed: 1) The degree of empathy and capacity for the complex, nuanced representation of others; and 2) The quality and intimacy of relationships with other people. An individual with a healthy or functional relationship system feels valued by important others, expresses attachment and compassion, and has a portfolio of strong, long term relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. They can effectively cooperate and demonstrate the capacity to appreciate others experiences, are able to hold conflicting feelings (e. g., guilt or anger) without being overwhelmed, and are able to narrate how they are perceived by others and how their actions play a role in the social exchange.

In contrast, someone with dysfunctional relationships has significant trouble forming lasting, intimate relationships, has difficulty empathizing with others in complex and effective ways, often lacks insight into their own roles in conflict and the responses that they elicit, have difficulty trusting or having compassion for others, and generally feel devalued by important others.

There was a strong push for the DSM-5 to replace the current categorical system of different personality types (e.g., narcissistic, borderline, avoidant, etc.) with a more dimensional system that characterizes personality functioning much in the way described above. However, at the 11th hour, the folks in charge of the DSM-5 decided to not go with the dimensional approach. Thus, the approach described above will not become as institutionalized as might have been the case. Nevertheless is important that the concept of personality functioning be spelled out, for both clinicians and laypeople alike. It is also important to be aware that, as described above, functioning exists on a continuum and that, depending on the circumstances, other people, and stressors, can vary quite a bit. A person may be relatively functional in some contexts and quite dysfunctional in others.

Dysfunctional family - methods of detection, forms of work with them, options for assistance, celebrities from dysfunctional families

A healthy atmosphere in the home, upbringing and care are necessary for the harmonious development of children. A dysfunctional family has a negative impact on the psychological and physical development of the child. For this reason, social services must monitor such cells of society in order to respond in time to emerging problems.

What is a dysfunctional family? nine0005

In public opinion, this concept is closely associated with alcoholism, drug addiction and lack of material resources. In a broad sense, a dysfunctional family is one that does not cope with its functions of raising a child. Children experience developmental difficulties, face a decrease in mental and physical abilities. A family with a low social status is not necessarily poor. She may not experience material problems, but due to an unhealthy climate, physical or psychological abuse of a child, have a disadvantaged status. nine0003

Types of dysfunctional families

Classification is carried out according to the types of destructive factors affecting children. Dysfunctional families include the following types:

  1. Families addicted to alcohol or drugs . If at least one of the parents abuses substances that cause addiction, this affects the condition of the child. Such a dysfunctional family cannot provide for all the needs of children. Under the influence of alcohol, quarrels, fights, conflicts occur, because of which the child grows up with mental development disorders. nine0016
  2. Families in conflict . The lack of moral support, the inability to negotiate and find a common language are factors that negatively affect the upbringing of children. In such a dysfunctional family, the child receives moral trauma, grows up socially vulnerable. Frequent quarrels lead to fear of communication and inability to establish contacts with other people.
  3. Financially disadvantaged families . The lack of quality nutrition, medical care, education and other necessary things does not have the best effect on the development of the child. Families with an income below the subsistence level that do not provide for the basic needs of children are classified as materially disadvantaged. nine0016
  4. Families where parents abuse their rights . Child abuse, physical abuse and corporal punishment are the reasons for recognizing a cell of society as socially disadvantaged.

Peculiarities of dysfunctional families

It is not always possible to determine the exact social status of a unit of society by outward signs. To understand what a dysfunctional family means and how to identify it, social workers use several criteria. These include both the appearance of the child and his psychological state. A number of features and characteristics help to identify dysfunctional families that are subject to registration and monitoring by social services. nine0003

Signs of a dysfunctional family

The social status of a unit of society can be determined by external manifestations. The characteristics of a dysfunctional family include one or more features:

  1. The child is untidy, often wears worn, torn or dirty clothes.
  2. Parents are not engaged in education, do not devote time to the child.
  3. One or both parents are substance abusers, often under the influence of alcohol or drugs. nine0016
  4. The child has developmental disorders, incoherent speech and inhibition of actions are observed.
  5. The child's body shows signs of beatings and physical abuse.
  6. Parents do not work anywhere or have irregular and unstable sources of income.

Reasons for the emergence of dysfunctional families

Different factors can serve as a source of deterioration in the situation of a child and his parents. Socially disadvantaged families arise for the following reasons:

  1. Financial hardship . The lack of money leads not only to the fact that the child is left without normal food, clothing and entertainment. Chronic lack of money can become a source of quarrels and conflicts between parents. A dysfunctional family can result from the loss of a home or job, a serious illness, or a crisis situation in the country.
  2. Remarriage of one of the parents . In a new family, there is not always a child-friendly atmosphere. Conflicts with a stepfather, stepmother or stepbrothers and sisters have a negative impact on the psychological state. nine0016
  3. Mental illness of parents . Failure to comply with their duties towards the child is often one of the manifestations of the disease. In this case, social services should reveal this fact and remove the children.
  4. Having many children . A large number of children is often a source of problems, parents do not have time to pay attention to everyone. As a result, the child may feel left out. For this reason, families with many children are under special control of social services. nine0016
  5. Substance addiction . As a result of abuse, the parent does not fulfill their obligations towards the child. Social services may recognize the family as dysfunctional and deprive parental rights.

Problems of dysfunctional families

Conflict situation in the home, lack of care, care and upbringing lead to numerous disorders in the development of the child. A dysfunctional family is a source of physical and psychological trauma:

  1. The child is experiencing developmental delays. Due to lack of attention, parents cannot teach him the most necessary things. As a result, speech, fine motor skills and social adaptation suffer.
  2. Due to lack of money, the child is not always provided with the necessary clothes, food, books, medicines.
  3. Conflicts in the family and misunderstanding lead to the fact that the child grows up closed. It is difficult for him to establish social contacts, he suffers from distrust of other people. nine0016
  4. A child who grew up in a dysfunctional family often finds himself in a criminal environment.
  5. A negative family environment can provoke early development of mental illness and cause a child to become dependent on alcohol and drugs, especially if parents are prone to abuse.

Who takes care of dysfunctional families?

Responsibilities for identifying and carrying out work are assigned to the guardianship and guardianship authorities. They should regularly check socially disadvantaged and conflict families. If cases of child abuse or neglect of parental responsibilities are established, the guardianship authorities are obliged to take the children to a boarding school. To help minors who have suffered from abuse, special social and rehabilitation institutions operate. nine0003

Methods for identifying dysfunctional families

To determine social status, guardianship workers use several methods:

  1. Collection and analysis of information . Signals about the presence of a dysfunctional family come from neighbors, teachers, kindergarten teachers. Employees of guardianship and guardianship bodies respond to all complaints about cases of violence and abuse of a child. Close relatives and family friends often become the source of information. nine0016
  2. Inspection of apartments and control of living conditions . Asocial families are subject to regular checks by guardianship services. Employees study living conditions, the physical condition of children, the availability of food and clothing.
  3. Questionnaires and surveys . To determine the psychological climate in the family, tests are regularly conducted in schools and kindergartens. With their help, child psychologists study the needs and needs of the child. A high level of anxiety, lack of attention and care serve as a signal for the guardianship authorities, which must conduct an inspection. nine0016

Forms of work with dysfunctional families

To improve the situation and improve relations between parents and children, social workers use different methods:

  1. Preventive talks . If a dysfunctional family is identified, at the first stage, the social worker must determine the reasons for the low social status and explain to the parents the consequences of their actions in relation to the child.
  2. Individual trainings and consultations . Not all parents are able to independently determine the optimal tactics for raising a child. Social work with disadvantaged families includes consultations, which describe in detail the methods and rules for dealing with children.
  3. Systematic control . The guardianship and guardianship authorities establish requirements for the family, the fulfillment of which is regularly checked. For this purpose, service employees make rounds of apartments.
  4. Representation and protection of the interests of the child in court . If work with dysfunctional families does not bring results, social service employees file a lawsuit for deprivation of parental rights.

Assistance to disadvantaged families

Various types of activities aimed at raising social status are used for support:

  1. Psychological assistance . A dysfunctional and complex family can count on the advice of a teacher who specializes in working with problem children.
  2. Economic assistance . If the difficult situation of a dysfunctional family is associated with a low level of income, the state provides benefits, benefits and subsidies.
  3. Social assistance . In order for children from a dysfunctional family to be able to adapt to society, special events are organized for them, including educational and entertainment programs.

Advice for dysfunctional families

Educators and psychologists give several recommendations for maintaining a healthy atmosphere in the home:

  1. Pay more attention to your child . A psychologically dysfunctional family is often characterized by a lack of parental interest in the needs and desires of their children.
  2. Spending time together . In order to get closer and better understand each other, parents and children need to communicate and exchange opinions more.
  3. Seek help in a timely manner . If parents cannot cope with the upbringing of children on their own, it is better to ask for support from social workers. Professional psychologists will help to establish relationships with the child. nine0016

Where are children from dysfunctional families taken?

If the employees of social services have established that the conditions of detention pose a danger to the life and health of the child, he is taken away for temporary detention by the guardianship and guardianship authorities. Then the case is transferred to the court, where a decision is made on the deprivation of parental rights. Children from disadvantaged families end up in orphanages or are placed in the care of the closest relatives who can provide care.

Celebrities from disadvantaged backgrounds

Many famous people spent their childhood in bad conditions, which did not prevent them from achieving success:

  1. Charlize Theron . The famous actress grew up in a dysfunctional family with a drinking father who repeatedly raised his hand to his wife and children.
  2. Tom Cruise . The actor grew up in a large and poor family, which, in search of earnings, changed their place of residence all the time. Because of this, he could not get a normal secondary education - he had to change more than 15 schools during his childhood. nine0016
  3. Demi Moore . The actress grew up without a father, who left before the birth of her daughter. The stepfather and mother abused alcohol, so the troubled family lived in poverty and debt.

Films about dysfunctional families

The problem of raising children is also reflected in the cinema. The concept of a "dysfunctional family" is revealed in many films:

  1. This Boy's Life . The film, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert De Niro, tells the story of a family whose father left. The mother brought her stepfather into the house, who turned out to be a sadist and a tyrant. nine0016
  2. Winter Bone . The film is about a 17-year-old girl whose father is in prison for drug trafficking, and whose mother is seriously ill. A teenager has to take care not only of himself, but also of his younger brothers and sisters.
  3. "Take my eyes" . The film reveals the problem of domestic violence and tyranny on the part of the father.

11 tips on what to do if you grew up in a dysfunctional family

There is no one ideal family, and this is far from news. All families experience some difficulties, but most cope with them quite well. nine0003

There are gradients of dysfunction in family relationships. The psychological and physical health of the family determines how difficult conditions are formed for the growth of children. Growing up in a dysfunctional family is detrimental to everyone who is in constant contact with other family members.

Imagine that you are in a prison from which you cannot get out until at least your majority. There is verbal and/or physical abuse in prison, there are no personal boundaries, there is no place and no one with whom you can share your feelings or problems. You do not feel safe and certainly do not feel loved and needed by someone. nine0003

It is rare to get out of such a prison. You can leave, but psychologically you will continue to be associated with her for life.

By these signs you can identify a dysfunctional family.


Sexual assault, physical beating or verbal hitting are all active forms of abuse. This is very serious.

Such families tend to be closed, and it seems that violence is “normal”. For children who grow up in such conditions, there are two options: to remain humiliated and grow up fearing people, or to turn into tyrants themselves. nine0003

Emotional abuse

This type of abuse is considered inactive. For example, a mother who ignores her child; a parent who shows absolutely no interest in his children or refuses to express love when the child does not do what he wants.

Some serious forms of emotional abuse include constant criticism, shame, exclusion of guilt, intimidation, threats, behavior control, etc.

Conditional love

There is always extreme frustration in families where love is conditional. These families have no security system. Children often go to great lengths to get the love they so desperately need. nine0003

No boundaries

A typical scenario in this type of family is a parent who controls your personal life and does not take into account your opinions or wishes. Parents can open your mail or throw it away, take away your phone, ask friends for details of your behavior, etc.

You don't have your own space or your own identity. Parents practice disrespect for personal rights and privacy.

Personal boundaries: what they are for and how to build them

No closeness

In this case, there is no closeness between family members. Signs of love simply do not exist.
Children in this house do not feel any support. Emotionally, parents are unavailable. It is likely that an adult from this type of family is detached from his emotions or will choose someone who copies his birth family.


With this type of dysfunction, family members cannot or do not want to trust each other. "Communication" occurs by triangulating another family member in their drama. Let's say, for example, that mom is mad at dad. Instead of talking to dad about the situation, she calls her son or daughter and starts complaining to them. Imagine how the child feels. In this house, a third person is always involved, which replaces direct communication. nine0003


Any family that has one or more members who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. is extremely dysfunctional. Drug addicts are unpredictable. The members of this family are growing up with heightened vigilance. They are always looking for clues as to what will happen next.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family means acquiring a lot of negative experience, which can result in some serious problems:

  • behavioral disorders; nine0016
  • difficulty starting and maintaining relationships;
  • difficulty communicating and expressing feelings;
  • low self-esteem;
  • chronic anxiety or depression;
  • constant self-criticism.

If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, there are a few things you can do to shed the weight of the past and start a productive life.

Understand that as a child you did not have the right to vote, but now you are an adult

You are responsible for yourself and for your life. And this means that only you have the right to make decisions that in one way or another affect your life. You don't have to consult with anyone, and you certainly shouldn't succumb to pressure, even if it comes from your family. You have grown, which means things have changed. nine0003

2. Stay away from toxic environments

People who grow up in dysfunctional families are often drawn to toxic people. They end up in bad companies, suffer bullying at work - in general, they remain in the same atmosphere in which they were brought up from childhood. Only you can break this vicious cycle. If someone disrespects you, save your time and nerves.

7 toxic “friends” you will meet at least once in your life and how to recognize them

3. Learn to express your feelings

It will seem like a daunting task, but you can do it. Understand that there are many people who really care about you and your emotions. With your emotional closeness, you can scare them away.

4. Stop blaming your past

What once was should not have power over your present. Yes, as a child you were surrounded by people who had a destructive effect on your life, but now you have a great chance to fix it. But in order to take action, you must admit to yourself that your past is not a reason to give up a better life. nine0003

5. Don't let yourself be a victim

You don't have to feel abandoned, hurt by life as a boy. You are an adult who takes the reins of power into his own hands and does everything to arrange his life right. To do this, first of all, you need to stop complaining and write off life's failures on your past.

6. Understand that your past does not define you

The fact that you grew up in a dysfunctional family does not mean that you will repeat the fate of your parents. You can acquire any positive qualities, useful habits, etc. You are able to form a positive environment around you, achieve success in work and personal life. You are no worse than other people. nine0003

7. Get help from a specialist

A psychologist or psychotherapist can help you deal with the side effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family, such as depression, difficulty expressing emotions, relationship problems, behavioral disorders, etc. If you understand that life is not going the way you would like, and you are unable to fix it, seek professional help immediately.

8. Realize that no matter what you were told as a child, you are worthy of love

You could be hugged for A's, help around the house, high scores in exams, but just like that - never. But this does not mean that in adult life you have to prove to everyone and everywhere that you have something to love for. No matter what they tell you, you deserve a good attitude, respect and, of course, love.

Learn more