Why do i feel worthless and unwanted
SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA
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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.
Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.
The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.
English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.
In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.
No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.
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Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.
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Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.
For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.
Last Updated: 08/30/2022
Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs
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Switch to Chrome, Edge, Firefox or SafariMisusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.
The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. SAMHSA’s 2020 National Survey on Drug Use and Health reports that approximately 19.3 million people aged 18 or older had a substance use disorder in the past year.
- In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
- Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61. 6 million people (or 44.4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH)
- The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31.4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- The 2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health reports that 139.7 million Americans age 12 or older were past month alcohol users, 65.8 million people were binge drinkers in the past month, and 16 million were heavy drinkers in the past month
- About 2.3 million adolescents aged 12 to 17 in 2019 drank alcohol in the past month, and 1.2 million of these adolescents binge drank in that period (2019 NSDUH)
- Approximately 14.5 million people age 12 or older had an alcohol use disorder (2019 NSDUH)
- Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
- Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily
- STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Talk. They Hear You.
- Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
- Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol
- National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
- Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
- Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
- National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
- In 2020, 20.7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57. 3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
- Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
- Data from the 2019 NSDUH reports that 58.1 million people were current (i.e., past month) tobacco users. Specifically, 45.9 million people aged 12 or older in 2019 were past month cigarette smokers (2019 NSDUH)
- Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses. The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States
- The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes
Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:
- Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
- E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals
- Tips for Teens: Tobacco
- Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
- Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
- Synar Amendment Program
- Truth Initiative
- FDA Center for Tobacco Products
- CDC Office on Smoking and Health
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes
- Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
- An estimated 745,000 people had used heroin in the past year, based on 2019 NSDUH data
- In 2019, there were 10.1 million people age 12 or older who misused opioids in the past year. The vast majority of people misused prescription pain relievers (2019 NSDUH)
- An estimated 1.6 million people aged 12 or older had an opioid use disorder based on 2019 NSDUH data
- Opioid use, specifically injection drug use, is a risk factor for contracting HIV, Hepatitis B, and Hepatitis C. The CDC reports that people who inject drugs accounted for 9 percent of HIV diagnoses in the United States in 2016
- According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose
- Medication-Assisted Treatment
- Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
- TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
- Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
- Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
- Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
- The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
- Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
- Tips for Teens: Opioids
- Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
- Tribal Opioid Response Grants
- Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
- HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
- Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
- Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
- Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network
- The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34. 5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- 2019 NSDUH data indicates that 48.2 million Americans aged 12 or older, 17.5 percent of the population, used marijuana in the past year
- Approximately 4.8 million people aged 12 or older in 2019 had a marijuana use disorder in the past year (2019 NSDUH)
- Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
- Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.
- Know the Risks of Marijuana
- Marijuana and Pregnancy
- Tips for Teens: Marijuana
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
- Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
- CDC Marijuana and Public Health
Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:
- Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year. Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia.
- Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
- Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors. It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.
- Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
- Tips for Teens: Cocaine
- National Institute on Drug Abuse
More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.
Last Updated: 04/27/2022
I feel unwanted: reasons, practical recommendations
Being needed by close people, interacting with them and benefiting them is a natural social need of people. Even pronounced introverts cannot spend their whole lives alone, they want to know that someone is happy for them.
Every person has experienced at least times in their life the feeling of uselessness, rejection, lack of support and their own uselessness. Often a traumatic situation has occurred, for example, separation from partner .
Reasons for feeling unwanted
Here are the most common reasons why a person feels unwanted:
- Breaking up a love relationship It doesn't really matter on whose initiative it happened. If people have been together for a long time, parting becomes a blow even when the feelings of both have already passed. Especially if you had to go through the dissolution of an official marriage.
- Social isolation , formed as a result of the move. A person can change their place of residence for various reasons. Getting used to a new city and getting used to it is not an easy task. There may be financial difficulties, difficulties in finding a job. This is a difficult life stage, and not everyone can easily withstand it.
- Dismissal from work . Sudden dismissal or reduction is a big stress if the employee was devoted to the team and his work. For people focused on a career, this can mean a temporary loss of meaning in life. To a greater extent, this applies to those who do not have a family and children, and devote almost all their time to work. nine0020
- Loss of a close friend . One good friend can fully satisfy the need for communication. When two kindred spirits meet, people become attached to each other. Friendships, just like love ones, can end abruptly. This is a stress that will take a lot of mental strength to overcome.
Separately, traumatic incidents should be singled out. Experienced accidents, the death of loved ones, physical or sexual abuse, toxic relationships, betrayal, major quarrels - this leads to the fact that a person loses ground under his feet and withdraws into himself. Thoughts of 9 come0003 own inferiority .
This can be overcome by working with a professional psychologist
When a person falls into an infantile state and needs love from others, his inner child suffers. This is the part of the ego that everyone has inside. If the inner child is traumatized, there is a feeling of emotional instability . In order to regain balance, it is important to say goodbye to old grievances, to let them go. Then the subconscious feeling of constant expectation of love from indifferent people will disappear. nine0005
Working with a psychologist
How to deal with the feeling of being worthless
Here are some recommendations on how to find inner spiritual harmony:
- Communicate with strangers . There is nothing wrong with exchanging a couple of phrases with people who meet every day: these are cashiers in a store, tellers in a bank, parents of other children in kindergarten, nurses in a polyclinic. These short communications do not require the investment of mental strength, but help to feel part of society. nine0020
- Learn to enjoy the pleasure of communicating with yourself. The best test of whether a person is capable of doing this is to stay in a room with the TV and computer turned off and no phone. If there is a desire to fill the resulting void, then the person is not interesting to himself and he has something to work on.
- Do not look for new friends , but make a friend of the one who is nearby. You can look at a person who is pleasant for you, with whom you have already established superficial contact, and try to make friends with him. In order to start a friendship, you need only 2 factors: mutual interest and periodic meetings. nine0020
- Expand the scope of external communications . If a person loves sports, let him not practice at home on a rug, but go to the gym and get to know its inhabitants. It is much easier to build communications among like-minded people, because the ground for them is already found common interests.
Also, don't forget about your family . Many people neglect communication with blood relatives, considering the on-duty congratulations on the holidays to be sufficient. In fact, cousins, nephews, daughters-in-law and other family members are the same people who can suddenly have a very deep inner peace. nine0005
Strengthening family ties is an important matter, the depth of which is even greater than it seems at first glance
The main thing is that the feeling of uselessness does not turn into an obsession. It is impossible to pull a person out of depression if he himself does not want it and gets hung up on his loneliness. The path to inner harmony lies through gaining strength of mind.
For more information on how to get rid of the feeling of uselessness, you will learn by watching the video:
I feel superfluous | PSYCHOLOGIES
Get to know yourself A man among people
“I feel out of place”, “no one is happy with me” - someone who constantly feels rejected, is distrustful of contacts with other people. The slightest inattention on their part makes you feel helpless again and again. “Once having experienced this painful feeling, such a person unconsciously expects that everything will happen again: he will be betrayed, abandoned,” explains existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. nine0005
Trying to avoid such a development of events, each time he tests the relationship for strength and, as a result, he remains alone again. “Trying to arouse interest in himself, to please him, he gradually becomes dependent on the opinions and assessments of other people,” continues Svetlana Krivtsova, “and his suspiciousness simply exhausts those who are nearby. Relationships become formal, often full of hostility, and eventually end.” To live in constant expectation of a break is to provoke a break.
“When I was four years old, my older brother became seriously ill and my mother sent me to stay with my grandmother for a few months,” says 29-year-old Yaroslav. “I was very worried: it seemed to me that I behaved so badly that my mother had to abandon me.”
The fear of being abandoned first appears in childhood and is usually associated with sudden (often prolonged) separation from parents.
“Little children cannot understand the meaning of adults' actions and suffer from loneliness,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. “The memory that you didn’t please your parents in some way and therefore turned out to be unnecessary remains for many years.” Those whom their parents really “abandoned” in childhood, without supporting them in a difficult situation, can also feel their abandonment. nine0005
“I am learning to talk about my feelings”
Valeriya, 33 years old
“I know well what it means to be unwanted. When my little sister was born, my mother quit her job to take care of it. Maybe my fears appeared then? I always felt that I was not with them. At school, too, no one wanted to be friends with me, and as a teenager, I was absolutely sure that I was unworthy of love. And indeed, no one paid attention to me, I was invisible.
At some point, the feeling of rejection became too painful, but it helped me to see myself from the outside: I turned out to be so closed, gloomy. Now I try to be more sociable, to speak more openly about my feelings, to articulate more clearly what worries me. Surprisingly, my loved ones now talk about restraint and vulnerability as the best features of my strong character. nine0005
Sometimes parents force a child very early to take on “adult” responsibilities, to sacrifice their interests in favor of a brother or sister, and the child grows up, confident that no one cares about him. “We feel the most severe pain in those moments when we experience our own worthlessness,” says Svetlana Krivtsova. “If they do this, it means that it is possible with me, it means that I am not worthy of another.” Feeling “worst of all”, building relationships with others is excruciatingly difficult. There are unconscious "filters" through which the growing child "reinterprets" the world in his own way . .. and always not in his favor. nine0005
The ugly duckling
Some people are always preoccupied with adjusting their behavior to the expectations of others. “The reason is the feeling “I ended up here by chance, I am an ugly duckling among white swans,” explains psychoanalyst Marie-Dominique Linder. - This painful feeling is especially strong in adolescence. The teenager is trying with all his might to hide his dissimilarity so that his peers do not push him away, do not expel him from his company. Becoming an adult means overcoming this crisis and asserting yourself as a person. nine0005
What to do?
Understand the “history” of your feeling
Try to remember when the painful feeling of rejection first arose. What event changed your attitude towards yourself? Once you understand this, you can begin to control your experiences.
Do not dramatize
Try to talk freely about your feelings, write down your story. Humor helps you connect with people. By saying what you feel, you will slightly weaken the power of the image in whose captivity you live. nine0005
Open up to people
Don't wait for someone to help you. It takes serious effort to build relationships. Take the first step by trying to see the other person as an ally rather than a potential offender.
Accept the fact that you are different from others (just like they are from you) and you don't need their approval to be yourself. By refusing to live dependent on the judgmental gaze of others, you can finally grow up. nine0005
Advice to a stranger
How to help someone who feels rejected in any situation? In a conversation, focus on his opinion, emphasizing that his point of view is important to you. But at the same time, do not indulge, this will lead to the opposite effect: your interlocutor may feel dependent on you, which will increase his feeling of rejection, because you cannot be with him all the time.
Be sincere in your intentions.