Signs he is leaving you for another woman

10 Signs He Has Feelings for Another Woman

Are you worried that your boyfriend has feelings for another woman? 

Do you believe his affection for you is dwindling because someone else has caught his eye? 

Perhaps you’re having horrible premonitions of being replaced by another woman he knows.  

If you are feeling this way, you need to discover the truth about what’s going on. 

This uncertainty will drive you two apart, even if you remain the only apple of his eye. 

Most likely, this paranoia won’t dissipate until you see proof that you’re the only woman he’s interested in. 

Thankfully, there’s an online tool available which will prove whether you’re the only woman for him (click here to check it out). 

This discreet background checker will provide you with a ton of useful information about who your boyfriend has been contacting frequently.  

You’ll learn about any dating apps he’s downloaded or alternative contact details he’s been hiding.

If he does have feelings for someone else, it’ll become abundantly clear. 

Discover the hidden truths about your boyfriend’s feelings with this powerful tool.

He’ll be none the wiser. 

The article below presents 10 telltale signs that his eye is beginning to wonder. Use these to decide whether you need to dig further into his behavior.   


  • 1 1. He is suddenly less interested in you.
  • 2 2. There is less physical affection between you.
  • 3 3. They begin to start talking about a new person, a lot.
  • 4 4. He stops being open with you.
  • 5 5. He is always on his phone.
  • 6 6. His schedule seems to have gotten a lot busier.
  • 7 7. Does he act a different way around someone that is suspicious?
  • 8 8. Is he always paying particular attention to someone specific on social media?
  • 9 9. He is acting defensive.
  • 10 10. You get a gut feeling.
  • 11 So, what should you do now?
    • 11.1 Recognize your self-worth.
    • 11.2 Talk to him.
    • 11.3 Move forward.
  • 12 FAQs
  • 13 Conclusion

1. He is suddenly less interested in you.

This is probably the most obvious sign that he is interested in someone else, and not you. When someone has feelings for us, they will make a lot of effort to be as close to us as possible, both physically and emotionally.

If your man has suddenly stopped listening to you when you speak or the physical relationship between you both abruptly comes to a halt, it is time to start worrying that his interest has left the focus of you.

2. There is less physical affection between you.

The loss or lack of pf physical connection between you both can be a distinct sign that he's lost interest in you. When I talk about 'physical affection' here, it is essential that this could mean anything from a cuddle through to sex. If he shows little interest in sex or has stopped kissing you goodbye, then it's probably because his heart is not in the relationship anymore.

3. They begin to start talking about a new person, a lot.

If he has, or is developing feelings for another woman, this might be difficult for him to hide. Whenever we are interested in someone, we want to gush to everyone about them. Even though he might be trying to control himself, he might mention her name a lot or try to bring her into the conversations you are having. This can be especially alarming if she wasn't his friend previously and seems to have popped up out of nowhere.

4. He stops being open with you.

You might used to talk about everything and anything, sharing all your feelings and thoughts. Your relationship should be an open and safe space, where you can share everything. However, if he has feelings for someone else, this might have changed. If you notice a difference, and he is closing off emotionally to you, this is not good news. He might just be confiding in someone else.

5. He is always on his phone.

Does it always feel like his phone is blowing up? Maybe you're out for a date night, and he won't stop texting. This could be a sure sign he is speaking to someone else, especially if he is acting shady and not answering incoming calls in front of you. 

If you ask who he is calling, and he acts standoffish or can't give an answer quickly, this is a powerful indicator that it's not just his friends or work that are needing to speak to him – it's probably someone a little more significant to him, that he is hiding from you.

6. His schedule seems to have gotten a lot busier.

If he is seeing someone else, you might start noticing that he seems unusually busy. It might mean that you are spending less time together or that plans you have together are only happening when it's convenient for him. It might start to feel like whenever you both hang out, it's always on his terms if he is especially unavailable on evenings and weekends (usually a time that people have off from work and can go on dates) that is especially suspicious.

7. Does he act a different way around someone that is suspicious?

If you notice that whenever a specific girl is around, he acts nervous or changes his behavior, then that could be a secure sign, he has feelings for that person. When you are with this girl and him, try to think about his changes in behavior - does he try and act more manly, or is he messing up his words? 

Think back to when you first started dating, did he move this way around you? If so, then you might be looking at the girl that he has feelings for.

8. Is he always paying particular attention to someone specific on social media?

In this day and age, relationships are made more complicated by the use of social media. It's important not to read too much into social media if you don't have any other suspicions. However, if you do think that your man has feelings for another woman and have an idea about who the woman might be, take a look at her social media.  

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

Has he commented on her photos a lot? Or can you see that he's liked every single picture? Maybe it is nothing, and they are, as he keeps insisting, just friends. However, if a lot of the other signs in this article are ringing true for you, this could be the icing on the cake.

9. He is acting defensive.

Have you noticed that he starts taking everything the wrong way? Maybe he's acting short-tempered at every innocent question you ask him? This is because inside him, his guilt is piling up inside of him, and he will start to feel emotionally frustrated. His natural defenses will come up because he is hiding something from you. So, if suddenly your man is coming across moody or abrupt for no reason, this is a cause for concern.

All hell will probably break loose if you try to question his feelings for another woman. It's just important to remind yourself that you do not deserve any of this, and his negative emotions are only his guilty conscience. You shouldn't have a relationship where you are walking on eggshells.

10. You get a gut feeling.

Instinct and gut feelings usually are telling you the right thing. Your body will pick up on anything that doesn't feel quite right. So, if you think he has feelings for another woman, you're probably right. If you have an inkling on who the woman is and you are in a room with both him and her, you will most likely be able to feel if there is romantic or sexual tension between them.

So, what should you do now?

If you are sure that he has feelings for another woman, it is best to take action quickly so that you can release yourself from constant turmoil. If you don't decide to do anything about the situation, you might find yourself stuck in a relationship that doesn't serve you, and only makes you feel paranoid.

Recognize your self-worth.

Firstly, and most importantly, know your self-worth. If you and he had both committed to being in a monogamous relationship, then he has broken the boundaries. You have every right to feel cheated, to feel angry and upset. But there is no point winding yourself up before you have any answers, so the best thing to do is talk about it.

Talk to him.

Make sure you decide to speak to him somewhere that is comfortable for both of you – somewhere you both feel safe and respected. Tell him that you have your suspicions he has feelings for someone else and see what he says. If he has any respect for you, he will be honest with you. If he does admit to having feelings for someone else, it is perfectly valid of you to express your emotions and show him how much he has hurt you.

Move forward.

I can only give advice based on my personal opinion, but if he has feelings for someone else, there is no reason for you to stay in the relationship. You will only ever be losing in the battle for his love and affection, and do you want to spend so much of your time and effort on someone who doesn't put you first?

I believe there is someone out there for everyone, so don't think that he is your last option. You deserve better than that. If what you're looking for is an entirely monogamous relationship with one person who can share feelings, be rest assured that it will be out there, waiting for you.


What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Has Feelings For Another Girl?

If you know that your boyfriend has feelings for another girl it is probably time for you to call it a day for your relationship with him. If you are in a relationship with someone you want to know that they are completely committed to you and only you. If he has feelings for another girl then he has proven that he is not so walk away. 

How Do I Know If My Boyfriend Has Feelings For Another Girl?

If your boyfriend has feelings for another girl he may have started talking about someone new all of the time and cannot stop mentioning them now. If he is always on his phone or on social media when he never usually used to be this time, or he stops being affectionate with you then he likely has feelings for someone else. 

Is It Normal To Have Feelings For Someone Else While In A Relationship?

It is never normal to have feelings for someone else while in a relationship. When you are in a relationship with someone you should be completely committed to that one person. If you have feelings for someone else other than the person that you are in a relationship with then it may be time to break the relationship off. 

How Do You Know If Your Husband Has Feelings For Another Woman?

If your husband has been spending a lot of his time on his phone, much more than usual or he has been doing a lot of late nights at work for now apparent reason then he may have feelings for someone else. If he has stopped being affectionate with you and he always seems a bit off with you then he may have feelings for someone else. 

How Do You Know If He's In Love With Someone Else?

If your man has been acting weird lately and you don’t know why then you may have suspicions that he is in love with someone else. If he is making excuses as to why he has cancelled your date again, he is spending all of his time on his phone but he is secretive about who he has texting or he always stays late at work then this could mean he’s in love with someone else. 


I hope that with the help of this article and the ten tell-tale signs that I have spoken about, you can understand if your man does have feelings for another woman or not. If he does, move on with your head held high knowing that someone better will come along, where you won't even have to worry about another woman turning your man's head – he will be fixated on you.

Did this article help you at all? If it did and you liked what you read, please let us know in the comments. We would love to hear from you.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

21 no-nonsense signs he is leaving you for another woman

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”

— Mohadesa Najumi

If you’re in a relationship that’s breaking up, you’re probably feeling scared, angry, sad and confused.

Did I miss anything?

The point is that it’s not the easiest time to analyze whether your relationship has a future.

That’s why I’ve made this no-nonsense list about whether he’s really going to pull the trigger and leave you or not…

21 no-nonsense signs he is leaving you for another woman

1) He’s having an affair and he doesn’t feel sorry about it

If your husband is having an affair and he doesn’t feel about it, things aren’t looking good.

This is generally what happens just before a break-up.

One of the worst signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he admits he’s been seeing another woman but justifies it.

He more or less says: “so what?”

This means that he’s done with you and he’s moving on.

2) He doesn’t act like your hero

If another woman makes your man feel needed, he might stop acting like your hero. Instead, he might start acting like HER hero.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

3) He’s minimizing the time he spends around you

Another of the top signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he’s minimizing the time he spends around you.

There’s a simple thing that every man does when he’s interested in someone: he spends time with them as much as possible.

That’s why if he’s cheating on you and going to leave you he will avoid spending time with you.

Even responsibilities or plans he has with you will start falling through on a regular basis.

As Ossiana Tepfenhart writes:

“When cheaters decide to jump ship from their main relationship, the girls they’re dumping quickly notice the amount of time they spend with their partners shrinking.

“He’s no longer prioritizing you, spending as much time as possible with his future girlfriend instead.”

4) He hides his phone like it has the nuclear codes on it

Another one of the worrisome signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he hovers over his phone like it has the nuclear codes on it.

He literally stops breathing and glares at you if you even come within ten feet of him and his precious phone.

Don’t ever expect it to be face up on any table, ever.

You can also be sure that he’ll have a very secure password set on it.

If you ever want to check the weather or something on his phone you’re out of luck as well, since he’ll hiss like Gollum protecting the one ring and pull away rapidly.

This secretiveness and protectiveness on your guy’s part is a clear sign that he’s either cheating, wants to cheat, or has actual plans in place to leave you soon…

5) He’s sprucing himself up, but not for you

Usually, seeing that your boyfriend or husband is looking after his appearance is very good news.

But when it’s not for you it’s the exact opposite.

In fact, it’s one of the strongest signs he is leaving you for another woman.

In the first place it probably means that he’s literally going to see another woman later in the day after getting himself looking sharp.

But thinking longer-term it also likely means he’s reorienting his energy and affection to someone else and will soon jump ship.

Like Phil Ashton says:

“When a man starts working out, styling his hair, buying nice clothes, and generally taking more care of his appearance it’s a sign that he’s trying to impress someone.

“If that someone isn’t you – who is it?”

6) He’s on his phone constantly and seems transfixed by it

In addition to being protective of his phone, a guy who is headed away from you will be very obsessed with his phone.

This is his golden ticket out of the relationship.

It’s his place to cruise profiles, chit-chat in ways he shouldn’t be, and speak to the new object of his affection.

This is all very bad news for you, but it can be like a slow-motion trainwreck watching someone you care about slowly lose interest.

There he is, staring at his phone like he’s in a trance while you try to talk to him.

What did men do before phones when they didn’t care about their women anymore?

I’m guessing they sat reading books or probably way back in the beginning they watched the cave fire and scowled.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct. 

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to stay committed to you, not leave you for another woman.

And the best part is (since he’s always on his phone), triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

7) He suddenly seems to have been promoted to CEO of a Fortune 500 company

Another of the top signs he is leaving you for another woman is all about how he structures his time.

As I said, he likely will be trying to cut down any time he spends with you.

But another thing is that his job will suddenly take on a whole new importance.

It’s as if he was promoted to the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

Suddenly it’s late days at work everyday and special weekend corporate retreats that he just forgot to mention previously.

But now he’s so interested in his work that he’s basically obsessed.

“If your man is experiencing love for a different woman, then you may have noticed that his schedule has suddenly gotten extremely busy for no apparent reason.

“If he is unusually busy and has not given you a believable explanation for this sudden change in his schedule then there may be a reason for you to worry that something is going on,” notes Sarah Mayfield.

That’s it right there…

8) He compares you to other women  and criticizes you constantly

This is another big red flag that can come up.

He compares you to other women and undercuts you any chance he gets.

This is really bad news…

Because even if he’s only talking about other women “in general” the point is that they have something you don’t have (according to him)…

This gaslighting is likely to continue and worsen as his interest in leaving you for another woman increases.

It’s a vicious cycle.

9) He doesn’t open up to you in any way about what he’s feeling

Another of the disturbing signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he ceases to be emotionally available to you in any way.

It’s like a giant door has closed over his heart.

He’s not opening up at all.

He might have had the best day of his life or found out his best friend died.

There’s no way for you to know with the way he talks to you or acts, because he hides his feelings like a world famous poker player.

It’s hurtful and disappointing, and it’s really hard to get past it.

As Sonya Schwartz puts it:

“You might used to talk about everything and anything, sharing all your feelings and thoughts. Your relationship should be an open and safe space, where you can share everything.

“However, if he has feelings for someone else, this might have changed.”

10) He decides his next steps in life without your input

Whatever it is that’s going on in your life with you and your guy, it’s good to know you’re in it together.

That’s why it hurts so much to find out he’s been planning his future without you.

If you were going to be part of his future, he wouldn’t be doing this.

So that’s why it’s so worrisome.

That’s why it’s also one of the top signs that he’s planning to leave you for someone else.

I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.

He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it. 

So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice? 

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different from yours and mine. 

Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you. 

So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice. 

Click here to watch the free video. 

11) He’s mostly uninterested in sex and physical affection with you

Another of the most important signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he’s shut down shop in the sex department.

He’s just not interested in sex with you.

And if he is it’s very rare, very lacking in enthusiasm and not followed or preceded by any touching or intimacy.

He does the bare minimum and gets out.

As if it’s a chore…

Or a duty…


As Kate Ferguson notes:

“You guys might still be getting it on, but it’s with much less frequency and when you do get busy, there’s less cuddling and fewer sweet moments and more pulling away as soon as everything’s done.”

12) He gets angry at you for no reason all the time

This is one of the indicators of a failing relationship as a whole.

But it can also be a specific marker that he’s interested in another woman.

Sometimes a man will create a conflict so that he has a justification for leaving you.

For this reason he may seem to always be on your case and upset at you…

Apparently for no reason.

But the reason could be that he wants to leave you for another woman.

13) He’s publicly avoiding acknowledging your relationship

Another one of the troubling signs he is leaving you for another woman is that he publicly unlinks from you.

He may consciously avoid going out with you in public.

Untag himself in photos…

Talk about you in a way that makes it sound vague as to whether he’s with you…

And otherwise treat you in a way that’s standoffish and like he’s trying to get rid of an annoying younger sibling or something…

It’s very off-putting.

“If possible, he avoids going out with you in public at all costs. If that’s the case, then there’s a real problem here.

“Why would he care if other people see him in a relationship? There’s a pretty good reason why. I think you know the answer to it,” explains Natasha Ivanovic.

14) He tells you many reasons why you’re not good enough or incompatible with him

Another one of the ways in which a guy will try to gaslight you before he leaves you is by making you feel inadequate and damaged.

He may tell you all the reasons you’re not good enough for him.

Or why you’re not a fit for him.

This is basically him making a kind of “legal case” to justify to himself why he’s going to drop you.

Once he finally hits the road with his new girl he’ll have all sorts of memories of the ways in which he believes he justified the move.

15) He hates talking about the future with you in any way

In addition to planning the future without you in it, a guy who’s planning to leave you for another woman will hate discussing his plans with you at all.

If you bring up your future as a couple he’ll act uncomfortable or change the subject.

He just doesn’t want to go there.

Once you look for the signs it will become obvious.

He’s shaking off any talk of the future with you because he doesn’t plan to have a future with you.

Like counsellor Ashley Baldwin says:

“Some men are notorious for avoiding the where-is-this-relationship-going talk, and this behavior is further intensified when there is another woman in the picture.

“He will try to avoid or downplay conversations about taking the next step, getting serious, or generally anything that has to do with your future.”

16) He cancels plans you make without apologizing

When there’s a let down in respect in a relationship it’s often the sign that it’s about to collapse.

One of the worst things you can do is constantly cancel plans at the last minute.

But what makes it even worse is when you do this and then also don’t apologize.

And that’s exactly what a man will do if he’s planning to leave you for another woman.

In many of the times he will be cancelling with you when his other crush comes through.

And he’ll also be doing it so that he can try to cut down his time around you.

It’s all part of him moving away from you.

17) He leaves you on read and doesn’t answer your calls

When a guy is making plans to ditch you for another woman he will engage in that nasty practice known as “leaving on read.”

This is where someone gets a message from you, reads it and then…just doesn’t answer.

Sometimes they don’t answer for many days.

Then when they do (if they do) they act like it was normal that they just brushed you off like a piece of trash.

It’s a pretty upsetting occurrence that you’d only expect from some one-night stand, not a guy you’re in a relationship with.

If he’s doing this then there’s a good chance that he’s got plans to leave you for another woman.

As Annie F. explains:

“His attention has already drifted to someone else if he goes radio silent and you find yourself always having to be the initiator, it could be that he’s emotionally removing himself from your relationship because talking and texting with someone else seems way more appealing.

18) He wouldn’t open up his wallet for you if you were dying on the street

There are many positive things about women’s financial independence.

But one of the ugly spinoffs from it is guys who feel like they can treat their partner as a piggy bank and never pay for anything.

This kind of greedy behavior is disappointing in anyone.

But it’s especially upsetting in a guy you thought you were in a relationship with.

If he’s shutting down any kind of help for you it’s one of the signs that he’s redirecting his focus elsewhere.

And he’s putting his resources in for a new woman.

19) He doesn’t do nice little things (or any things) for you anymore

If your guy used to do nice things for you, you can look forward to that ending now that he has a new woman in mind.

If you’ve noticed a huge chasm between how he used to be and how he is now, then it’s going to hurt to realize that he’s got someone new as his sweetheart.

He’s doing those nice little things for her now.

And he won’t even lift a finger for you.

“He used to be a real-life Romeo, always showing up after a long day at work with chocolates and flowers for her,” writes Tania di Palma.

“ Now that he has fallen for someone else though, all those romantic things he would normally do have stopped.

No, it isn’t laziness, it’s because he’s thinking of others way he could do the same for his crush.”

20) He starts blaming you for the problems in his life

Gaslighting is when you blame someone else for your problems.

Unfortunately, it’s especially common in romantic relationships.

If your guy is planning to leave you for another woman then don’t be surprised if he starts acting like you’re the devil.

Suddenly everything you do becomes the reason that he’s struggling in life.

No matter what you do or say (including nothing), you are the one to blame that he’s not acing life’s test.

This toxic mentality is a real relationship killer.

If you want some karmic justice then think about how his new girl is going to react to this kind of behavior (spoiler: not well).

21) He threatens you that he’s going to leave you for another woman

Last and simplest of all, he may directly just tell you that he’s going to leave you for another woman.

The thing here is that you need to figure out if he’s bluffing or for real.

This could be part of another game or it could be that he’s really going to.

Look for other signs that he’s really serious about it or just spewing smoke.

If he’s talking like this then he may really mean it or he may be trying to threaten or manipulate you in other ways.

But one thing’s for sure and that is that this relationship is clearly nearing the end of its life cycle…

What can you do if he leaves you?

If he goes ahead and leaves you for another woman, nobody can blame you for feeling wretched, furious, and demoralized.

Just know that you are going to get through this.

If there is one thing that I could tell you as your world crashes down, it would be to never forget your own power and potential.

When will it get better?

The pain from him leaving you isn’t going to suddenly go away.

The suffering and humiliation of feeling inadequate and betrayed leaves a deep mark.

But over time as you focus on yourself, your goals and your inner self-worth, you will feel a sense of wellbeing come over you.

You have the power within you to build a new life and move forward.

Stop him from leaving you

By now you should have a good idea about whether he’s leaving you for another woman.

So the key now is getting through to him in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change as early as today.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

How to recognize treason and deal with it psychologically?

Unfortunately, many people in a relationship or marriage have experienced infidelity more than once. And if in free, polygamous relationships, which are negotiated “on the shore”, “turning to the left” is not considered infidelity, then in traditional relationships everything is exactly the opposite.

There are many reasons for infidelity - the old life got bored, quarrels with a partner, new love. It is with the latter that the protagonist of the series "Wind Woman" faces. Young entrepreneur Nikita Gorelov lives an ordinary life - he has a job, his own apartment, car and beloved bride. However, all this seems ephemeral when he meets Leah on his way. nine0005

How do you know if someone is cheating on you? Should adultery be forgiven? How to psychologically cope with betrayal? The answers to these questions were given by psychologists.

How to calculate treason?

There are no completely reliable methods for recognizing adultery, but psychologists advise paying attention to changes in the behavior of your soulmate.

“Infidelity can be recognized by changes in your relationship – if your partner moved away, started to stay late at work, became abruptly withdrawn, or, conversely, too and unreasonably affectionate, began to hide the phone, gets confused in stories about how he spent time without you, then this may be the first signal that he has someone else, ”says psychologist Maria Babushkina.

If you notice some signs of infidelity, but do not have substantiated evidence, you should not put pressure on your partner. Psychologist Alexander Shakhov notes that it is impossible to set recognition as your goal - you need to collect as many signs of betrayal as possible. And the evidence itself, first of all, is not needed for the partner to confess - you need it.

“If you suddenly have doubts about loyalty or want to expose a traitor to clean water, do not show that you suspect him. Do not interrogate, ask fleetingly, just show interest, let him tell his version, clarify the details. Asked a few questions and changed the subject, come back to it in half a day or the next day. Come back and start asking questions about the same details, but from a different angle. Here is another feature of male psychology - men come up with events in chronological order. Therefore, your task is to accordingly ask questions not in chronological order, ask for details from the end of the story, then the beginning, the middle, ”advises Alexander Shakhov. nine0007

In this case, if a man tells the truth, he will only need to remember. If he cheats, he will start to stray, repeat your questions, thus giving himself time to “think”, check for correspondence in the chronology of his story / situation. In addition to verbal tricks, there are also non-verbal signs of lying. It can be crossed arms, scratching the nose, chin, covering the mouth, looking to the side. However, you should not rely on them 100%, they can be optional. nine0007

Alexander Shakhov suggests paying attention to several signs that may mean that a man is cheating on you.

  1. He hides his connections. If a man often sits on the phone and categorically refuses to show with whom he is corresponding, and the mobile phone itself remains blocked and inaccessible to you, this is the very first sign that something is wrong. An honest man has nothing to hide from his partner.

“As a professional psychologist and a man, I can say from the experience of thousands of my clients that 99% of cheating could have been prevented and families saved if the principle of open ties had been followed. Ask your friends how they found out about their husband's infidelity and 99% will answer that they accidentally saw his correspondence on the phone, ”comments Alexander Shakhov.

  1. He became indifferent, often irritated. This is a bad sign, it means that he is bored with you, he no longer experiences physical attraction, a deep emotional connection has not been built. Proximity can become mechanical, a man often sits at a computer or TV, emotionally withdraws. A common female mistake is to arrange a showdown, scandals, make claims and demand. So the distance will only increase. Going out of your way to please doesn't work either. A man takes everything for granted and only gets more impudent. nine0046
  2. He adheres to the principles of a justificatory philosophy. Every man knows that infidelity is a vice, and in order to overcome the psychological barrier of guilt, he creates a justifying philosophy, in which he begins to believe and hang it like noodles on women's ears.


To recognize some more signs, Alexander Shakhov suggests looking at the situation through the eyes of a traitor: he needs to like his mistress (appearance), he needs time and a place to meet (disappears at "night meetings"), he must maintain communication (correspondence on the phone), need finance for gifts, flowers, restaurants (spending is increasing), he will receive gifts from his mistress (the appearance of new things). Let's explore some in more detail. A man begins to monitor his appearance: he suddenly went to the gym, began to change his wardrobe, take care of himself more carefully, while maintaining an indifferent or irritable attitude towards his wife. “Meetings at work” or “evening gatherings with a friend” have become more frequent. It is clear that the cheater will prepare an alibi for himself, but do it superficially. nine0007

“Men rarely think through such nuances in their lies as: what a friend was wearing, how the meeting participants got home after him, what they ate and drank. Sudden questions about details will cause noticeable pauses, excitement that will be hidden by fussy movements of the hands and eyes, outbursts of irritation and anger that indicate fear. Ask a couple of detailed questions, ask them again a day later, and you may notice inconsistencies (but manipulators remember their answers well). Another way to check: mix a question about a suspicious event with another, neutral one, and ask them, quickly jumping from topic to topic,” says Alexander Shakhov. nine0007

How to get rid of the fear of betrayal?

It happens that doubts turn out to be groundless, and suspicions are taken only from the fear of another loss or betrayal. Psychologist Marta Marchuk believes that the best and surest way to feel good in any relationship and not be afraid of betrayal, not to wait for a dirty trick, not to twitch, not to frantically check the phone and not look for lipstick on a shirt is to be a self-sufficient woman. It means being completely independent in every sense, from the material to the psychological, emotional and mental. nine0007

“Fear of cheating can have many reasons: cheating in a past relationship, cheating in a parental family, cheating in a current relationship, low self-esteem, codependency in a relationship. It is possible to get rid of the fear of betrayal by working out the causes of this fear (in psychotherapy) and creating a closer, deeper and more trusting relationship with a partner. Very often betrayal is a form of despair. It happens because certain desires and needs in the relationship are not satisfied, and the person begins to seek their satisfaction on the side. Why is it so painful to experience jealousy and / or betrayal? When we are cheated on, we seem to receive a message - there is someone better than you, you are unworthy / unworthy of your partner, you are not in the first place. That is, a sense of security is lost, a close connection is lost. Cheating isn't just about sex. This is about concealment, about lies, about a secret, about the fact that you were excluded from a certain zone, your loved one got a piece of only his territory, a plot on the fence of which there is a sign “Entrance is forbidden” for you, ”comments Maria Babushkina. nine0007

What should you do if you find out that you are being cheated on?

Let's consider a situation: just yesterday you found out that your partner cheated on you. What to do?

Psychologist Oleg Ivanov recommends, first of all, not to cut from the shoulder. Throw out emotions, but do not make decisions. If you want to scream, swear and cry - please. But do not rush to throw things away, drive the cheater out of the house. This is how the first stage passes - the stage of denial. This painful period can last quite a long time, up to two weeks. While you are in a state of shock, it is difficult to make any adequate decisions regarding your future relationship. So give yourself time - as much as you need. nine0007

Next comes the acceptance stage. Yes, there was a betrayal, nothing can be fixed. You need to calm down and choose further tactics of behavior:

- If your partner regrets, repents and asks for forgiveness - make a decision whether to continue the relationship or not.

- If betrayal implies separation (partner leaves), then you need to try to let go and live on.

“Any decision requires a serious and thoughtful conversation with a partner. As well as a look at the situation "from the outside." Change doesn't always mean breakup. If partners want to stay together, it's important to view cheating not as a betrayal, but as the starting point for a new relationship. Don't look back, your goal is to move on. Serious joint work is needed to get out of the crisis and restore trust. But if the couple copes with this, their relationship will certainly become more serious and deep, ”notes Oleg Ivanov. nine0007


Maria Babushkina advises to talk to her partner about why this happened and how to live further - together or apart. If you are facing cheating in your relationship, think about the following questions: ⠀

  1. What is going on with your relationship? Maybe you are in a crisis? How are things in the sexual sphere?
  2. In a relationship, does everyone get what they would like to receive?
  3. What would each of the partners want to get that was not available in your relationship? nine0046
  4. Did cheating help meet everyone's needs?
  5. What are the plans and guidelines for each after what happened? ⠀

“These questions are not supposed to reduce the pain of infidelity, but they can help analyze what is happening and provide a basis for dialogue with a partner. Everyone decides for himself whether he is ready to forgive betrayal or not. The advice of girlfriends, mothers, celebrities is useless, everyone has their own situation, unique. The most important thing in the process of healing the trauma of infidelity is to switch from the endless analysis of who is to blame and think about how it can be fixed. We cannot control another person. And we may never even understand the true reasons for his actions, we will not be able to understand his needs. Our values ​​and desires may be different. And this does not mean that you urgently need to reshape yourself in order to match the other, ”says Maria Babushkina. nine0007

How to psychologically cope with infidelity?

Marta Marchuk notes that the only sure way to protect yourself from the fear of betrayal is to enter into a relationship as a self-sufficient person and understand perfectly well that even if these relationships end, life will not collapse, no one will die of hunger, no one will be on the sidelines of life. will remain. Even if the relationship is falling apart, and you find out that you have been cheated on, it is important to understand that this did not happen because something is wrong with you, that you made some mistake or did not deserve love and happiness. Your partner just did it. When a person is self-sufficient, be it a woman or a man, he will look at betrayal “well, yes, it’s unpleasant and painful,” but life does not end there. nine0007

If you decide that it is necessary to keep the family together even after the betrayal by your partner, you need to make sure that he has realized his mistake and repents. It is possible to understand that a man will no longer repeat such acts and also wants to maintain a relationship by several signs. Alexander Shakhov spoke about them:

  1. The man at least apologized, realized and repented. If a man has not apologized at least verbally, do not even begin the process of restoring the family after infidelity. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀
  2. He must start the inner work to find out the reasons why this happened. If he tries to shift the responsibility onto you, this is manipulation. Interrupt it. If he does not find the reason in himself, this will happen again. If he cannot find it on his own, a psychologist will help him. ⠀ ⠀
  3. He begins to prove by actions that you are valuable to him. For your part, you must decide whether to forgive him or not. If you decide to forgive, go all the way.

The first thing that may indicate that a man no longer wants to make such mistakes - he is trying to figure out what happened. He initiates frank conversations with the woman, tries to explain to her why this happened and tries to figure out what steps he should take to save the relationship. ⠀

“A man who cheated and made conclusions tries to earn trust. He does not manipulate, he changes his behavior. He asks: “how can I earn your trust” and begins to do what the woman tells him. A repentant man understands that the pain that he caused the woman, she must live. That she would hurt him too. But he must endure and, for the sake of the value of the relationship, survive this period himself and help his beloved. It is these actions of a man that indicate that he has drawn conclusions and, with a high probability, betrayal will not happen again, ”says Alexander Shakhov. nine0007

However, not everyone has an unambiguous view of infidelity. So, psychologist Andrey Smirnov puts a slightly different meaning into the concept of "treason": not sex on the side, but betrayal in difficult times.

“Circumstances do not affect a person's emotions, but only the attitude towards these circumstances. Therefore, if you calmly think and change your attitude to the “treason” that has happened, devaluing it, then it will become much easier and no psychological trauma threatens. This position is held by wise men and women with great life experience. And, indeed, a physical connection with another person means little. Here, rather, the problem is in the centuries-old traditions and upbringing. But times are changing, and it's time to get rid of completely outdated dogmas, destroying everything good that exists between spouses. There are many advantages to this approach. Relationships are preserved and nerves are protected, ”concludes Andrey Smirnov. nine0007

If he left for another

January 1, 2010, 06:17 AM

Author: N.I. Kozlov, Doctor of Psychology, Professor
Rector of the University of Practical Psychology

​If your young man (your man, your husband) has gone to another, you can cry and worry. For many women, this is familiar and natural. And you can smile and start a new life, exactly because nothing really happened: you are alive and well, you (if seriously) have enough for your life, you will not die of hunger. And if you want to live happily, you have every opportunity for this. nine0007

The desire to cry is a childish habit of suffering in a difficult situation in order to attract attention to oneself, to be pitied and to be helped. As a child, perhaps it was justified. Today is useless. If you are going to do this often, then it is harmful.

First, take yourself out of the house and use every opportunity to walk more on the street, preferably in the park or in the forest. It is necessary. And while walking through beautiful places, turn on your head and understand that life does not end with what happened, in fact, all these are trifles: "There are troubles and much more serious." Ask yourself how you will remember today's breakup ten years from now. Answer: You will never remember. Yes, all this is very unpleasant, but there is nothing terrible. It happens. Move on. nine0007

Remove or throw away everything that can remind you of him and your parting: why would you open up the wound? If he returns, then a new life will begin, and if not, then there is no need to return to events that are painful to remember. It helps many people not just to throw away photos where he or you are together, but to resolutely tear or burn them: in this way you reinforce your decision to “Forget!” The past is gone, you need to start a new life.

Yes, you need to speak up. But to whom is the question. If there is a reasonable girlfriend, that's fine, but is your girlfriend really a reasonable person and will tell you only what you need, and not too much, which will only make everything hurt in your soul? Think here. In a critical situation, call a helpline or a psychological help center: if this does not help, then at least it will not harm. And if there is an opportunity to turn to a good psychologist, this would be the best option. nine0007

Sometimes it is good to visit not only a psychologist, but also a gynecologist. Do all the necessary tests for the presence of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy, so that later it will not be too late to start treatment, have an abortion or prove paternity, depending on what circumstances dictate to you. Sometimes it will be useful to consult a lawyer. If meetings with a loved one had not only moral consequences, a conversation with parents is mandatory, and the sooner it takes place, the better.

As for sedatives, there are two points. First: it is quite reasonable, it helps. Second: no self-activity, no pills from my mother's first aid kit. Go to a neurologist and ask the doctor to prescribe you a harmless antidepressant. nine0007

That's it, then exhale and begin to return to yourself - yourself. First: change something in your appearance - hair or clothing style. This will help you start over. And after that, you need to start a new life: this is both distracting and will return you to a positive attitude, and give you new contacts. What actually to do is not so important, the main thing is to keep yourself busy with new things. Sign up for English courses, a sports section, a dance group ... in short, where you will be interested and where you are expected to meet new people. nine0007

In any case, don't feel sorry for yourself. Pity humiliates, and, most importantly, addictive: you will begin to feel sorry for yourself, and this is the last thing. On occasion, calmly say to your friends: “We broke up” and - without comment. It's your business, not theirs.

I would like to believe that you will not take revenge. In this case, it's just a bad habit, which, moreover, will again and again return attention to what is still painful for you. And you better forget this plot quickly, switch to another. No revenge, take care of yourself and your business, you probably started something and have been waiting for you for a long time. nine0007

And don't expect him to return. Actually, no one knows whether he will return or not, but only life will show this. It will either happen or it won't, it won't be any time soon, and the best thing you can do right now is to make sure you look your best, regain your vigor and smile.

If funds allow, go on a trip. If you want to be in a great company, visiting psychological trainings is a great option: you will find yourself among cheerful, cheerful, reasonable people, just switch from everything that happened, draw all the necessary conclusions, grow wiser - and everything will be fine! nine0007

Joy to you!

  • Attachment
  • Author N. I. Kozlov
  • Treason
  • Love, m-zh, family

Comments (30):

Guest, 08 June 2012, 16:24

Thank you! Everything will be fine!

Guest, September 22, 2013, 03:26 PM

Very well said, thank you!

Guest, 07 October 2013, 10:44

Valuable article.

Guest, October 16, 2013, 4:08 PM

Thank you. It seems I'm on the right track. That's exactly what I do. nine0007

Guest, October 30, 2013, 2:41 pm

Yes, outwardly everything is fine. I did it. It has been 12 years since my beloved husband left for another. But...! Inside, pain and longing remained, no matter what I did ... It hurts stupidly. I miss. He dreams of me. And no new life helps. Moreover, there are common children. Apparently I'm monogamous...



Guest, June 24, 2017, 10:06 PM

Hold on, life goes on! February 12, 2019 nine0007

Guest, October 18, 2021, 11:06 am

I have also been divorced for 3 years, I even filed against him myself after I found out about the betrayal! But you know? He is now happy with another girl and her 2 children, and I understand that he was worth it to forgive him at least 10 such betrayals. It is better to live with a loved one in a lie than with an unloved one to exist in trust ... ((We have a common child, and this complicates everything, since I have to see him with another ... 07:45

You write: “It is better to live in a lie with a loved one than to exist in trust with an unloved one…”. Living a lie is a direct path to depression. I tried to live like this with my beloved. For a long time, for years. And I realized: no, not better. Now, five years later, I realize that it is better to live in trust with a person who respects you. And love for him in the heart will be born over time - from this respect, decency, reliability. And you will understand how happy you are. And with a deceiver-beloved, she would shed tears and regret her past, unhappy life in vain. nine0007

Guest, July 28, 2022, 08:51

No, not monogamous, just the situation is not finished, the gestalt is not closed. Urgently to a psychologist, to close, to leave the past in the past, before it's too late.

Guest, April 04, 2014, 07:08 PM

Actually, it's terrible! This is the worst thing in life for a woman! It just hurts a lot! It's like cancer, even if you can overcome and survive, it will still grow and torment you, and then who knows what will result! It all depends on the woman and on the character, some quickly leave, but there are those who will not forget it all their lives! Therefore, it just needs to be experienced and not get hung up! Just drive thoughts and walk a lot, communicate, walk, go for shaping, but not loneliness! nine0007



N.I. Kozlov, 05 April 2014, 08:16

You are a master of negative suggestions, you simply magically insert future horror. Does it help you live? And what is true is not to sit alone, be sure to go out, walk, communicate, keep yourself busy.

Guest, July 16, 2014, 02:21 AM

Excellent article! Very reasonable and no frills.

Komarova Katerina, July 17, 2015, 10:54 am

Super article! Everything is just like that! And even if he just left (into himself, to another, to the former, to work), he left. His choice. I respect. He also has the right to do what is best for him. My tendency to become attached is inside. With each new man I know (even for 10 days), I become attached tightly. And it doesn’t matter if we have children in common, and how long we talked. It's in me. Recognized! And change! I signed up for a series of consultations with a psychologist. I will bring myself back! Whining - time to lose (already lost a week - did not sleep, did not eat, lost weight, blue under the eyes). Who needs such a ghost? While young-beautiful-healthy - change, and practice a happy relationship with the next !!! nine0007



Guest, July 18, 2017, 03:51

Thank you for the article, it has become a little easier, like a breath of air, but still so long and far away, I don’t even know which way to go now . After all, all plans were cut short. Now one joy - freedom. Just how to turn it to your advantage, you need to turn everything around. Sky, earth, sun, moon stars. It is necessary for a week before the second, somewhere, but first throw away everything that can remind you of the old. Come back and start with renewed vigor from a new sheet, from new wallpaper, from a new bed and table, etc. And... one, two, three - Started!!! nine0007

Guest, September 26, 2017 7:49 AM

I never thought I would be in this situation. It's been a month since my husband left for another. We have a small child, which he so dreamed of. He always said he would never change. Yes, I'm not perfect, but do I really deserve all this. It is very difficult, because we have to see each other, he comes to the child. He behaves as if nothing had happened. He says it's his choice. Relax and let go. And I even howl like a wolf...0007

You deserve it, you deserve it... And you will continue to complain - leave everything like that in your life. Stop howling, turn on your head, start correcting the situation. Need advice - get in touch.



Guest, July 01, 2019 at 12:57

Good afternoon. Need advice on how not to feel sorry for yourself.



Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, July 02, 2019, 08:29

Guest, here">"> here you can choose the consultant with whom you will work. nine0007

Guest, September 11, 2019, 10:18 AM

Hello! Have you received advice on how not to feel sorry for yourself?

Guest, March 19, 2018, 09:29 am

Hello! Tell me how are you doing now? Returned?

Guest, November 23, 2017, 12:18

Great article! Invigorates and motivates!

Guest, May 23, 2019, 05:11

The article is good, but common sense does not help. I started a relationship with a guy, it was unforgettable. He is an ideal in everything, from the inner world, outwardly to intimate life. I don't see any cons. He said he got high on me. But I found out a few months later that I was just a lover (accidentally). That all this war has been with him for several years now, another girlfriend. He said he was burned out. That he doesn’t really love the girl either, but why he changed, that he is looking for a better option for the family. He said that he was on fire and calmed down. And I still can't get over myself. Already 3 weeks. Friends advise on fitness, dating sites, and I only see in him someone who is perfect for me. On emotions, she said that she would tell his girlfriend, who for a long time. He began to beg not to tell, offering anything in return. Yesterday I saw him online on bado. Looks like he's looking for a decent one, but he doesn't want to leave his own either, he's afraid. And I still see the ideal. How to live with the idea that the one who is needed, on the other. I know there are no more. nine0007



Guest, March 18, 2020, 10:37

Hello, I have the same situation, only it was going to the wedding, and he left for the ex ...



Guest, August 22, 2020 5:07 PM

Same. He fled to the former, who, like a kitten, threw him out of her house. Apparently he loved her, but he used me like a bandage... and I walk around with a knife in my back... it hurts a lot... to survive it. nine0007

Guest, December 05, 2019, 04:35 PM




Guest, January 11, 2020, 00:53 AM

Or maybe he just uses women, one or the other?

Guest, April 10, 2020, 00:12

I would like to apologize for my comment. BUT!!! I didn’t see a psychologist in the article, banal egoism and such a feeling that it’s not written for people at all, but for robots! A person is distinguished by feelings, and how, if your loved one leaves you, he treats it coolly, yes, the feeling of love for you, according to the article, obviously does not say anything, only to yourself! nine0007

Guest, November 08, 2020, 10:42 AM

THANK YOU, everything is on point, sensible and logical!

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