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Should looks matter in a relationship


How Much Do Looks Really Matter in a Relationship?

Something you may be wondering — but may be hesitant to ask — is if how you look will have an impact on your relationship. And if it does, well, how much?

Here’s the thing: Appearances do matter in relationships, but this doesn’t mean that looks are the most important aspect of intimacy.

Attractiveness is subjective, and many individuals will have different preferences and find different qualities attractive.

Many of us hear that physical appearance plays a role in relationships and jump to the conclusion that only the supermodels and famous actors of the world could have any luck in love. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Even though looks do play a role in dating, what actually attracts a partner physically may not be what you expect.

Everyone has their own insecurities, and no one is perfect. However, there are certain physical traits that can make partners more attractive and carry some weight in your relationship.

Yes, a level of physical attraction is necessary for most people in romantic relationships. A notable exception is if you identify as asexual. Some people who identify as asexual feel romantically attracted to others without feeling sexual attraction.

However, when it comes to “looks” and “attractiveness,” the definitions are often confusing and vague, and can depend on the era, culture, and individual.

For many people, “looks” don’t necessarily refer to someone’s physical features. Many people find physical attributes like personal style, hygiene, or posture attractive, too.

It’s also important to note that sometimes attractiveness doesn’t have anything to do with your physical attributes. Attractiveness can include many things that go beyond the physical, such as:

  • having a sense of humor
  • having shared interests with your partner
  • being kind
  • having values and principals
  • making your partner feel safe and happy
  • being attractive to others

That’s all to say, looks aren’t the only thing that can attract you to someone.

Definitions of physical attractiveness have changed over history

Let’s explore the role “looks” play in the attractiveness equation.

On a societal level, our definition of beauty today is different than it was 500 years ago, according to research.

Most notably, in the last decade, there’s been a social media-induced phenomenon in which new standards of beauty are evolving out of the digital space.

“Snapchat dysmorphia” is a perfect example of how virtual communication has given rise to different ideals of beauty that tend to affect the nature of dating, according to one paper.

This is a phenomenon in which people who use Snapchat and other social apps develop body dysmorphic disorder. They want to look like their online selves, even though their images online don’t reflect their true appearance and have been modified using filters and visual effects.

However, some changes in beauty standards have had a positive influence, such as increasing inclusivity.

We now see many more people of color as symbols of beauty in the media. Due to the exposure effect, this increased representation may drive us to collectively recognize the beauty of different races and ethnicities in our day-to-day lives.

Researchers found that increasing people’s exposure to certain faces increased the attractiveness ratings they gave those faces.

This may suggest we’ll see interracial dating and cross-cultural attraction and acceptance more frequently.

Thus, the idea of beauty, though very real, is subject to change and can have many different effects.

Evolutionary perspective

Evolutionary scientists think that some aspects of attraction and mate choice are evolved — that is, they’re in our genes, not solely a product of our environment.

For example, researchers have found that men (straight and gay) tend to find potential mates more attractive when they show physical signs of fertility. In women, one physical attribute linked with fertility is waist-to-hip ratio. Another is age.

In fact, age appears to be an attractiveness factor for men and women alike, with women consistently choosing to marry older men and men tending to choose younger women across dozens of cultures, according to one 2018 review.

Scientists believe that women’s evaluation of the physical attractiveness of a mate is influenced by indications of the potential mate’s genetic quality as well as the mate’s ability to protect and invest in her and her children.

One indicator of these qualities is men’s musculature, particularly in the upper body. Researchers have found it’s a feature women tend to find attractive in men.

Of course, these evolved preferences are complex and interact with other factors. Individual differences, culture, and environment also play a major role in shaping what you find attractive in a potential partner.

Personal taste

At the individual level, people can simply just have different tastes. You’ve probably heard the age-old question, “What’s your type?”

Many people find themselves attracted to a certain set of features, but what that looks like can vary from person to person.

Research shows the perception of whether someone’s face is attractive may be shaped by environment rather than genes. Furthermore, people tend to disagree about who has an attractive face as much as they tend to agree.

When it comes to physical attraction, a lot is subjective, and there’s someone for everyone.

Do looks matter to everyone?

The short answer is, it’s complicated. Research has shown that men tend to rate physical attractiveness as more critical in a potential mate than women do, on average.

Some research has shown that women tend to say they value qualities like ambition, industriousness, friendliness, and kindness more than physical appearance.

That said, this particular study concluded that, even though other qualities were more important, women reported that a minimum level of physical attractiveness was a necessity for a potential mate.

For men, looks seem to matter slightly more, on average, according to research. However, the men that were studied still valued personality traits like thoughtfulness, spontaneity, and humility.

It’s important to note that these are averages and that there can be great variation between individuals, so it’s important not to generalize about someone’s attractiveness preferences based on their gender.

Moreover, many people identify as genders other than male or female, so these research findings may not represent other genders or gender nonconforming folks and should be taken with a grain of salt.

In a relationship, personal qualities like humility and kindness may become much more important in determining the success of the relationship over time.

While looks may be important in initial attraction, what really holds a relationship together has much more to do with how two people connect on a deeper level.

You’ve probably heard of the phrase “love at first sight.” This is the idea that you can know you love someone just by laying eyes on them for that very first time. But is it actually real?

One study shows that what is known as “love at first sight” is actually just a very high level of physical attraction that people report as love in hindsight.

This might show that, at times, you might confuse love with physical attraction.

Love can begin through physical attraction — and oftentimes it does. However, physical attraction alone doesn’t make a lasting romantic relationship.

Can you love someone you’re not physically attracted to?

Yes. Romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two distinct phenomena, according to studies.

In other words, you can love someone romantically without being sexually attracted to them.

It may be less common for someone to begin a romantic relationship with someone they’re not sexually attracted to. However, many people may experience this, such as those who identify as asexual.

It’s also completely normal to lose at least some of the physical attraction toward your partner as time goes on, especially for women, according to research.

Does love make us see the person we love as more attractive?

Not only can being in love with someone make you see them as more beautiful, but just being around someone can make you see them as more attractive.

According to research, people rated faces that were more familiar as more attractive. To a significant extent, familiarity can breed attraction.

Pheromones

Like other physical attributes — height, weight, body shape, skin — pheromones may play a role in attraction for both women and men.

Pheromones are chemicals animals secrete that trigger a social response in members of the same species.

Results in this area of research are controversial. One 2015 review said that a lot of the research done to date on human pheromones wasn’t valid and that scientists had yet to identify human pheromones with certainty.

One study from 2013 applied a supposed pheromone androstadienone and other hormones from men’s sweat onto women’s upper lips. Researchers reported the women showed increased mood, focus, and sexual response as a result.

A 2019 study exposed men to the smell of estratetraenol, a hormone that is thought to be in women’s sweat and other secretions. In response, the men showed increased brain activity in an area related to sex, among other complex reactions.

So, even though pheromones don’t qualify as “looks,” they may play a role in physical attraction.

Scientists need to do more research on human pheromones to find out more.

All in all, most romantic relationships involve some level of physical or sexual attraction. This means that “looks,” in a sense, do matter.

However, appearances are not the foundation of a relationship, and they are certainly not the main reason that a relationship will fail or succeed in the long term.

If acknowledging that appearances matter in relationships makes you uncomfortable, remember that physical appearance involves more than just looks, including health, personal habits, style, and values.

So, appearances do matter, but not always for the reasons you might think.

How Much Do Looks Matter in a Relationship?

In This Article

Do looks matter in a relationship? Of course, they do! Admitting looks matter in a relationship doesn’t make you shallow. Well, as long as you understand that it takes more than a great physical appearance to keep a relationship intact.

Long-lasting relationships do not solely depend on beauty or physical attraction but shared interests, individual characteristics, and of course, the matters of the heart “LOVE.”

Do looks matter in a relationship?

Do looks matter? Well, looks play an important role in a relationship. What first attracted you to your partner? You can hardly say it was their sense of humor or their kind nature since you didn’t know them yet.

Chances are, it was a physical trait that first ignited the attraction in you. The more you got to know your partner, the more you fell in love with the little things and the beauty beneath the surface.

It is safe to say our definition of beauty isn’t the same as it was 200 years ago. A study has shown that more exposure to certain faces changes how we see them over time. Our attractiveness towards such faces increases.

Have you heard the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”?  A study shows that our environment and experiences shape our interpretation of beauty. What we deem beautiful can be influenced by social media and our peers.

This, of course, shows that the idea of beauty is subjective.

Does appearance matter in a relationship? Yes, it does, but this shows that looks go beyond having a pretty or handsome face. Most people interpret looks to include features beyond the physical such as,

  • A great fashion style
  • A great personality
  • Good hygiene
  • A sense of humor
  • Good values
  • Empathy 

Are looks important to a partner?

To a certain extent, yes, looks are important to a partner. A level of attraction is needed to make a relationship work. Intimacy without attraction is nearly impossible.

Looks carry more weight with men, according to a study. Although the men that partook in the study still value other things such as personality and kind nature.

However, looks aren’t the only important thing in a relationship. The friendship in a relationship plays a bigger role than looks. Most couples barely talk to each other past the normal pleasantries.

They don’t talk about problems when they arise or share their feelings. Someone who only cares about looks might not notice when the other partner is going through a tough time. After all, physical appearance, not feelings, is important in their relationship.

However, the things needed in a relationship to make it work include;   

1. How you deal with conflict

Do you automatically raise your voice when arguing with your partner? Or do you never give your partner the chance to speak and state his position on a matter? Little things like these can tear a relationship apart no matter how physically attractive the couples are.

How you handle conflict with your partner will determine how long your relationship will last, not look. You should feel comfortable talking to your partner about any issue.

Listening to your partner and understanding his point of view is also essential. Undermining your partner’s opinions can create friction in the relationship.

Don’t rely solely on looks to get you through any problems because it won’t.  

Also Try: What's Your Conflict Style in a Relationship? Quiz

2. Shared values

A relationship is more likely to fall apart if the couples don’t share similar values. Every conflict is a walk in the park if you and your partner have the same values and face such conflict as a team.

It will be harder to communicate or agree on certain things if your values are different. Shared values define a relationship more than looks or physical traits.

Before entering a relationship, the couples must talk about religion, politics, and finances. Ask your partner if they have any environmental commitment or their stance on a family.  

3. Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is necessary for a healthy relationship. You should be able to communicate your feelings to your partner without being ridiculed or looked down upon.

Developing your emotional intelligence will make you more aware of the dynamics in your relationship. You will become sensitive to your partner’s emotions and tell when your actions hurt your significant other.

Most people dream of a relationship with a deep level of intimacy, caring, and mutual respect. But to attain this, you need a high emotional intelligence. Pay attention to what hurts or negatively affects your partner. 

Also, know what makes your partner happy and content. This will help you meet your partner’s needs and lead to a happier relationship. 

Also Try: Emotional Neglect in Marriage Quiz

4. Kindness

Is your partner kind to you, or are they cruel to you? Do they continuously undermine your actions? Even if your partner is the most beautiful person in the world, chances of you staying in the relationship when the person is cruel are pretty low.

Looks are not the only important factor in a relationship. A healthy relationship is one where the partner is supportive and loves their significant other.

Do relationships based solely on looks last?

Although looks matter in a relationship, you should ask yourself, can looks last forever? NO! There goes your answer to if a relationship based only on looks can last. But caring about your looks doesn’t make you shallow or self-absorbed.

The importance of a great physical appearance shouldn’t be dismissed. Taking care of your looks can contribute positively to other areas of your life. But this is more than being a size four or having large muscles. 

  • Being healthy  

Including a healthy diet and exercise in your daily life will bring happiness into your life and help you shine a little brighter. Which will, of course, positively affect and inspire those around you.

Also Try: Are You In A Healthy Relationship?

Being self-confident and knowing your worth will affect how people perceive and treat you, positively affecting your looks.

Other factors apart from looks are required for a happy and long-lasting relationship. A relationship can thrive if the couples have shared values, respect for each other, deep friendship, and emotional intelligence. 

Is it essential to be physically attracted to your partner?

How important is physical attraction in a relationship? Pretty important! It will be difficult to be intimate with your partner without a degree of physical attraction.

However, the concept of beauty is vague and relies on different factors, such as the culture of that particular era or individuals.

Attraction can go beyond physical beauty to include characteristics and unique attributes, which includes

  • Having a kind heart
  • A sense of humor
  • A charitable nature 

Even the term love, at first sight, is just a high level of physical attraction, according to a study. This implies that people often confuse love with attraction.

What matters more in a healthy relationship, looks, or personality?

If having a great physical appearance is all it is cracked up to be, why aren’t most marriages perfect? Or why is the divorce rate going up? A study shows that those regarded as more attractive in high school were married for shorter durations or more likely to get a divorce.

What is the point of having a physically attractive partner with whom you can’t speak or laugh? Or a partner with a bad attitude you can’t get along with? Personality carries a higher weight in relationships than looks. 

Other things that matter more than looks in a relationship are:

1. A partner that complements your lifestyle

Relationships based solely on looks don’t last long. You’re more likely to stay with a partner that listens, cares, loves, and complements your lifestyle. Looks fade, but what remains intact is your feelings towards your partner.

Your relationship will thrive if your partner is supportive and is always there to lend a helping hand, regardless of how beautiful the partner is. 

Also Try: What Should I Do to Make Him Love Me Quiz

2. Mutual respect

Another important factor in a relationship is respect. Mutual respect holds the relationship together. When conflict arises in a relationship, mutual respect keeps things civil and the parties on their best behavior.

It will be easy to talk things out with your partner without the situation escalating.

3. A partner you get along with

Great communication is the foundation of any relationship.

Also, no matter how good-looking your partner is, you can’t stay in the same room with them if you guys don’t get along. It should be easy to talk about sensitive things with your partner without fighting. 

Do you want to know how important looks to a woman, then watch this video?

Conclusion

Do looks matter in a relationship? Looks aren’t everything in a relationship, but they do matter. A relationship based on physical appearance often has an expiration date.

Many factors play a role in the success of any relationship, including the couple’s personalities, shared interests or values, and mutual love for each other.

Scientists have found out what men and women are looking for in a future partner

Older women pay more attention to the appearance of a man and less to intelligence, income and other qualities that are important for young girls, scientists from Australia found. With men, the reverse metamorphosis occurs - the external attractiveness of a partner for them gradually fades into the background over the years, and the personality begins to play a more important role.

The preferences of men and women in potential partners differ in youth, but become more similar with age, Australian experts from the Queensland University of Technology found out. They set out the details in an article in the magazine PLOS ONE .

People's preferences for sexual partners influence their decisions about sex, relationships, and having children. This, in turn, affects other aspects of society - gender roles, the level of equality, the birth rate, politics and much more. However, it remains unclear how preferences for certain traits differ between men and women and at different stages of life.

To find out what traits men and women find attractive in partners over the years, the researchers interviewed 7,325 Australians aged 18-65 registered on dating sites. Participants in the study were asked to rate the importance of nine characteristics of a potential mate on a scale of 0 to 100.

Traits were divided into three categories — aesthetic (age, attractiveness, physical characteristics), resource (intelligence, education, income) and personal (trust, openness, emotional connection).

Statistical analysis of responses revealed similar priorities for men and women: both rated physical body, attractiveness, and all three personality traits as very important, while income was much less important. However, women rated the importance of age, education, intelligence, income, trust, and emotional connection as 9-14 points higher than men. In addition, compared to all other characteristics, men placed more importance on attractiveness and physique than women.

More interesting were the changes in preferences with age. Although men in general gave more relative importance to aesthetic characteristics than women, this gap narrowed with age - men began to be more interested in other qualities, while women paid more attention to visual attractiveness. At the same time, mature women were less interested in the personal qualities of their partner than young women. Representatives of both sexes with age attached more importance to openness and trust.

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In general, with age, the preferences of men and women became more and more similar.

“Both sexes tend to find the same things in potential partners as sexual, but at different stages of life,” the researchers note. “At different ages, men and women can differ significantly in how much importance they attach to certain characteristics. ”

Differences in preferences between men and women may be related to the theory of parental investment in evolutionary psychology, says lead author Stephen White. According to this theory, females are more selective in their choice of partners because they put more effort into the survival of offspring.

Many gender differences are socialized, but some are evolutionary, explains psychologist Beatrice Alba of Deakin University.

“Men can have a large number of children because they don't have to get pregnant and breastfeed,

,” she says. “They can afford to mate with many females and also partner with younger females that have more reproductive potential over their lifetime.”

The results of the study confirm earlier findings that male and female preferences differ in potential mates, says psychologist Brendan Zitsch of the University of Queensland. However, he says a growing body of research suggests that what people say about their preferences doesn't necessarily correspond to what they actually choose.

“Basically, we don't know how significant these stated preferences are. This is an ongoing area of ​​research,” Zitsch says.

The study involved users of online dating services, says White, so it's not worth extending the results to other groups of people just yet. Larger studies are needed to obtain data that most fully reflects the views of the population.

Front side. At what age does character become more important than appearance

Front side. At what age does character become more important than appearance | Nizhny Novgorod truth

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Researchers of the entertainment social network "Photostrana" conducted a survey of residents of Nizhny Novgorod on the topic of what is more important in a partner - character or appearance.
The majority of respondents from Nizhny Novgorod (47%) said that character is the main thing for them.

36% of Nizhny Novgorod residents admitted that the external attractiveness of a partner is important.

According to experts, preferences in choosing a partner usually change with age. So when is appearance more important than character and vice versa?

Men

20–30 years old

For young men, this is a period of self-affirmation. The strong sex at this time is driven mainly by the game of hormones. She determines preferences when choosing girlfriends. In youth, a man appreciates a beautiful appearance and a slender figure more. A friend is perceived as a way to assert oneself.

At this time, the stronger sex readily performs various extravagances - rushing to the other end of the city just to look at your beloved with one eye, stand under the windows all night, etc. But behind all this celebration of feelings is, by and large, the desire for sex. And beautiful courtship is just a way to achieve it.

30–40 years old
For most men, a new stage in life begins at the age of 30. Concepts that only yesterday seemed to be something dreary and dull - a goal in life, a serious relationship, plans for the future - are beginning to acquire attractiveness.
In a relationship, a man becomes more conservative. And as a result, the appearance of the chosen one no longer plays a particularly significant role. Much more important are her interests, behavior, life values, social circle, finally. First of all, women with whom it is interesting begin to attract.

40–50 years old
By the age of 40, healthy rationalism comes into force, a more practical approach to life is formed. The appearance of a woman begins to matter even less. This, of course, does not mean that 40-year-old men peck at groomed scarecrows. The stronger sex still pays attention to how a woman looks. But a woman can have a perfect appearance, but a man will quickly lose interest in her due to the lack of soul mate.

At this time in relationships, instead of the need for communication, the need for psychological comfort comes first. It is important that it is comfortable, good and calm with the chosen woman.

A 40-year-old man wants to be with a woman who will laugh at his jokes, take care of him if he gets sick, and let him take care of her.

It is the lack of this psychological comfort that causes the majority of men to cheat after 40. Moreover, ladies who are much inferior in appearance to their lawful wife sometimes turn out to be homemakers.

50 – 60 years old

A man after 50, according to experts, does not hide the fact that he wants to live a different life. In psychology, there is even a special term "the state of evidence of the near end." And this determines his attitude to life and women.

He can already afford to build relationships with the woman he is interested in. And if something does not suit him in existing family relationships, he can dare to break.

At this age, the appearance for the stronger sex again becomes more important. But no matter how attractive a woman is, a man is ready to linger around only if he is interested in her.

In a relationship for a man after 50, spiritual, psychological intimacy comes to the fore. He needs a woman with whom he can sit next to him and be silent, with whom he is reliable and warm.

Often, men over 50 are fond of young ladies much younger than themselves. But this is not at all due to the need for a young body, as many believe. It's just that a woman who is much younger is often able to give a man a new life impulse.

Women

20–30 years old

The weaker sex at this age is especially susceptible to external manifestations. Basically, the brightness of the partner is valued - both in appearance and behavior - the ability to stand up for oneself, audacity of actions, popularity.

A rare young lady in this period is able to critically treat the words of her boyfriend and evaluate his real actions. It is at this age that the representatives of the weaker sex usually fall in love with noteworthy handsome men and fall for the "bad guys". The latter, in their youth, seem to them to be brave action heroes. But in everyday life they turn out to be slobs and consumers.

30–40 years old

Women become more pragmatic in relationships. The craving for "bad boys" remains in a past life, since it is now obvious that they cause much more problems than joy. Older women are no longer ready to see a fairy-tale prince in every handsome man. Moreover, they sometimes begin to treat attractive representatives of the stronger sex with caution, fearing that they are spoiled by female attention.

From men, women at this age expect not so much romance, but readiness to solve problems, support and care.

The reliability of a man, according to many women, is much more important than his appearance. Any man who can give a woman a sense of security can be sure that he has half won her heart.

Women consider the ability of a man to make decisions independently and the ability to keep his word even in small things as one of the important manifestations of reliability.

40–50 years old

At this age, ladies again, as in their youth, are addicted to beautiful words, romantic gestures and the appearance of a gentleman. A compliment from a stranger or a light courtship can turn your head no less than at 20 years old.

At this age, women expect support from their husband, confirmation of their attractiveness and significance for him.

50–60 years old

Unfortunately, women who have crossed the half-century milestone often give up on themselves.

The reason for everything is the age-related subsidence of hormones, which Americans call "sexual blues". It is believed that after this, a woman should lose all interest not only in bed, but also in relationships in general.

However, in fact, a woman after 50 may well remain attractive, retaining interest in all areas of life.

However, the appearance of a man interests her far from the first place. In relationships, the need for emotional intimacy with her life partner comes to the fore, to whom a woman begins to treat more carefully.

From the forums

“Character is much more important than how a person looks. Because the character is almost impossible to change. But the appearance, style of clothing and even facial features can be corrected if desired. Arsen

“It is important for me to have a nice young man by my side. And you can get used to his character." Mila

“Not only a golden character is important to me, appearance is also important to me, because I could not live with a man who looks unattractive to me just because he is very smart, kind, decent, attentive. Because in addition to discussing common problems and interests during the day, we spend half our lives at night, under the covers, and - yes, it is important for me how sexy my partner looks. Aurora

“Looks don't matter to me. Honestly. I am one of those people who can fall in love with the mind, sense of humor, charisma, some character traits that I consider important. Even the most beautiful outwardly person, if he turns out to be rotten inside, sooner or later begins to cause disgust.

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