How to stop being so self conscious
How To Stop Being Self-Conscious: 7 Strategies To Try
Self-conscious thoughts can be difficult to deal with — but you can take steps to work through this challenging self-talk.
Do you often think about how others see you or worry about upsetting other people? You may be more self-conscious than others.
Being self-conscious involves being in an enhanced state of self-awareness. You might feel like everyone around you is scrutinizing your every move. You might feel like people are judging you.
When self-conscious thoughts start to interfere with your life, it may be helpful to make some changes. It may take time, but learning how to stop being self-conscious and embrace self-acceptance is possible.
“Self-consciousness refers to a mental state when you become preoccupied with your self-image, says Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, a certified psychiatrist based in Houston, Texas.
According to Gonzalez-Berrios, you’re essentially in a heightened state of self-reflection and understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. This can be a good thing or a bad thing, she explains.
While self-consciousness can help you better understand yourself, it can also lead to poor self-esteem. “If a person is too engrossed with oneself, then they always feel they’re being judged, scrutinized, or under the scanner,” explains Gonzalez-Berrios.
These unhealthy self-conscious emotions can affect your mental health and lead to social anxiety.
There are ways to reduce negative self-talk if you’re having trouble dealing with self-conscious emotions.
1. Acknowledge your strengths
To become less self-conscious, you may find it helpful to acknowledge your strengths, says Dr. David McConaghy, a professional psychiatrist based in New York, New York.
Do you have trouble recognizing your talents and abilities? McConaghy suggests creating a list of the things you’re great at and naming one daily. “Daily appreciation of your strengths is a highly effective method for reducing self-consciousness,” he says.
McConaghy also suggests compiling a list of the obstacles you’ve overcome and the objectives you’ve reached. Keeping these handy and occasionally glancing at them can help remind you who you are.
2. Reframe your negative thoughts
Negative self-talk about things you’re self-conscious about can replay on repeat in your mind. A negative thought loop can breed more negative thoughts, ultimately affecting your mental health and messing with your self-confidence.
Simone Smith Maldonado, a licensed therapist based in New Jersey, suggests reframing how you view yourself as a way to get out of this negative cycle.
Next time you think, “I can’t do anything right,” try to reframe the thought by saying to yourself, “I can do many things well.”
3. Understand that not everyone sees what you see
“The things that we’re usually self-conscious about are often small and not so easily noticed by others,” says Maldonado.
Try to remind yourself that people aren’t thinking and talking about you like you think they are, says Gonzalez-Berrios.
“They do not know you well, so the question of criticizing or judging you doesn’t even arise.”
By recognizing that not everyone sees what you see, you may be able to take away some of the power of those self-conscious feelings, says Maldonado.
4. Develop a positive mindset
Much like reframing negative thoughts into positive ones, you may also find it helpful to develop a positive mindset by using positive affirmations.
Gonzalez-Berrios suggests telling yourself that you’re good enough in your own way. Try to remind yourself that you have many good qualities that others may not have.
5. Learn to accept your flaws
Accepting your flaws is easier said than done. But peace can come from accepting your perceived “flaws,” says Maldonado.
“Do not listen to your inner critic. It will always speak negatively about you,” says Gonzalez-Berrios. Try to accept the way you are while validating your thoughts and feelings.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
Insecurities often come from comparing yourself to others.
Gonzalez-Berrios says it’s important to stop comparing yourself to others because it can make you even more self-conscious.
“Don’t try to catch up with everyone around you,” says Gonzalez-Berrios. “Challenge the way you think about yourself. Let yourself know that the world around you is not better than you.”
7. Work with a therapist
When self-conscious thoughts are too much to deal with, and you’ve tried all other strategies, it may be time to consider speaking with a therapist.
A professional can help you get to the root of your self-conscious emotions and help you learn to challenge your unhealthy, negative self-talk. They can work with you to find alternatives to self-criticism and help you learn to manage your emotions.
Basic emotions begin within the first 9 months of life. And it’s not until around 18-24 months that you start to form general feelings of self-consciousness.
Around the age of 3, more complex self-consciousness feelings begin to appear.
During adolescence, people often experience higher levels of self-consciousness because of social pressure.
As you move into adulthood, you have a more stable sense of yourself, so self-consciousness tends to level off. But, for some people, self-conscious thoughts can continue because of:
- low self-confidence
- mental health conditions like depression and anxiety
- adverse childhood experiences or trauma
Feeling self-conscious is when you’re totally aware of yourself and how others might perceive you. If you’re too focused on what others think of you and often worry you’re upsetting or offending others, this might adversely affect your well-being.
Self-conscious thoughts can be challenging to deal with. Strategies you can try to limit self-consciousness include:
- acknowledging your strengths
- reframing negative thoughts
- accepting not everyone sees what you see
- developing a positive mindset
- learning to accept your flaws
- avoiding comparing yourself to others
- speaking with a therapist
If feelings of self-consciousness interfere with your everyday life, consider speaking with a licensed professional.
A therapist can help you get to the root of your self-consciousness and help you on your journey to reclaim your self-worth.
7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
Think back to the last time you had feelings of awkwardness. It was pretty cringe-worthy, right? A lot of fidgety foot shuffling, sleeve pulling, and arm crossing was probably involved. But when you're intimidated or thrown into the spotlight, it's hard to remember how to stop feeling self conscious. You begin to entertain the idea that all eyes are on you and that you're on a short countdown before everyone watches you crash and burn and label you as the one that hasn't her stuff together.
It makes you feel less than those in the room with you, gives you prickly flushes on your cheeks, and makes you want to go find the nearest blanket and hide under it. It's the worst. But it doesn't always have to be that way! Self consciousness is a self-inflicted state of mind, one where you think you don't measure up the people in the room with you and that all eyes are constantly on you.
but honestly, how much truth is there to that? In order to beat self consciousness, you need to learn how to control those paranoid, over-shooting thoughts, and I'll tell you exactly how to do that. Below are seven tips on how to stop feeling self conscious next time you're outside your comfort zone.
1. Shrug Away Your Negative Thoughts
I know — this sounds easier said than done. But if you really want to get over your self consciousness, you need to practice shrugging away your negative feelings instead of agreeing with them. Notice how I didn't say "pretend they don't exist." We all struggle with self-doubt and find things to nit-pick, and pretending that those blimps don't pop up won't stop you from indulging them. Instead, acknowledge that they're there, but refuse to agree with them.
Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., associate editor at PsychCentral explained, "One of the reasons we become self-conscious is because we worry that others will only confirm our own negative thoughts.
" So every time you're awkwardly hovering at a party and think "People will think I'm a loser," or feel nervous getting into your bikini at the beach because you're thinking "People will stare at my tummy," refuse to believe that that's true. Believe that no one there is agreeing with you. Having a moment sitting on the couch and sipping your vermouth or having a jiggly tummy are in no ways bad, so teach yourself to not agree with those moments of negativity.
2. Don't Put People On A Pedestal
Say you have to lead a meeting at work for the first time, and you're absolutely self-conscious. The main reason for that? You think that everyone in that room is more professional and a total pro when it comes to the material you'll be presenting. While that may be true in some cases, a great way to get rid of your self-consciousness is to stop putting those around you on a pedestal. Lifestyle writer Mike Bundrant from Lifehack explained, "Often we feel inadequate because we see others as ‘more than’ and ourselves as ‘less than’ by comparison.
We see others as having it all together and not suffering the way we are. This is rarely true."
Remember that they're people, too — they have embarrassing moments, go through work blunders, have to do pep talks in the mirror in the bathroom, and have the same stresses as you do. It's not like they have it all together and you're the only one that feels like they're keeping it all together by the threads.
3. Imagine Your Best Friend In This Same Situation
What if your best friend recounted a moment where they walked in to meet a date and felt completely inadequate and unsure if they could charm their socks off? Or what if they arrived to a networking event and just slinked in the corner all night because they felt too self-conscious to mingle? What would you say to them? Probably a tirade of positive and ego-boosting things.
Lifestyle writer Steve Errey from Lifehack was the one that posed this idea. He said, "Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing or over-thinking.
Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same thought process and ended up holding themselves back – what would you want to say to them?" Next time you're feeling awkward and shifty in a situation, imagine your best friend doing the same thing and give yourself the exact same pep talk and self-love session.
4. Accept Yourself, Wonderful Faults And All
A big reason we feel self-conscious is because we feel like our "faults" make us lack something special. But if you learn to accept yourself wholeheartedly, you begin to believe you're worthwhile and bring something amazing to the table, regardless of what you're lacking. That way, if you walk into a party and know no one, you don't begin to automatically fidget with your sleeve, because you know you're about to blow someone's socks off with your interesting conversation. Knowing that you're valuable and significant regardless of imperfections allows you to square your shoulders a little easier.
Psychologist John Duffy, PsyD pointed out to PsychCentral, “[Many people] fail to see their strengths and cling to antique scripts they carry about their lack of worth.
” Don't be one of those people!
5. Seriously Though, No One's Paying Attention
Keep this little tidbit in mind: Everyone else is so jumbled up with their own thoughts, worries, and struggles with their own confidence and general going-abouts that they have little time to dwell over (and memorize) any awkward blunders you might have bungled up. Lifestyle writer Martha Beck from Oprah clarified, "The spotlight effect makes most of us assume we're getting about twice as much attention as we actually are."
So while, yes, your cheeks might burn if someone witnesses you crash and burn at flirting with someone at the bar, it's really never, ever as dire as you're imagining it. Don't exaggerate! They might have witnessed it, but they'll soon be going back to their own thoughts.
6. Go All In
Feeling like you want to nervously fidget with a button over something you're about to attempt? Instead of slinking away, go all in. Beck explained, "I've been experimenting with this in many different circumstances: raising both my hands instead of one to ask a question of a lecturer I much admire; pausing twice as long for dramatic effect while telling a story to some friends; eating two servings of a fabulous dessert at a literary club luncheon.
"
What does that do? While before you were self-conscious, now by doubling your enthusiasm you bring a smile to the face of anyone watching. Watching someone do something with gusto makes them feel easier about the situation and just gives them a relatively good feeling, so channel those butterflies into excitement and go-getter-ness. There will be zero room for judgement when they're admiring your spunk.
7. Act On What's Making You Nervous
You'll never get rid of your self-consciousness if you just stew in it. Instead, force yourself to roll your shoulders and go do the thing that's making you feel awkward and nervous. The more you get out of your comfort zone and win, the more you'll understand that you don't need to let this feeling hold you back.
Bundrant from Lifehack confirmed, "When all is said and done, you need to just go for it! Confidence builds as you take positive action and begin to see positive results." So try and get as many positive results as you can.
Remember — that's impossible if you let your awkwardness keep you in the sidelines!
Images: @aclotheshorse/Instagram
How to Stop Being Shy? 6 Proven Ways
Low self-confidence is often the result of some form of shyness. To stop being shy, start taking small steps and increase your confidence in dealing with people.
"Shyness" , as defined in psychology, is the awkwardness or apprehension some people experience when they approach other people.
Unlike introverts who only feel energetic when they are alone, shy people often desperately want to socialize with others but don't know how or can't handle the anxiety that comes with social interaction.
Do you recognize yourself as a shy person? If so, you are not alone.
Almost half of the Russian-speaking population recognizes themselves as shy, and it seems that the epidemic of shyness is growing.
This surge of shyness is also facilitated by modern technology as more and more people are able to hide behind their computers and avoid personal contact.
Even moderately shy people now have an excuse to avoid social interactions and new situations.
All they need to create a company or partner is pressing the button.
Decreasing social opportunities in personal and professional life put shy people at increasing disadvantage as they cannot practice social skills in the comfort of everyday life.
What's even more amazing?
Many shy people don't seem shy at all to other people.
Recent research on shyness has shown that most shy people spend agonizing amounts of time and energy trying to hide their shyness.
Shyness, hidden or obvious, leads to inner chaos for those who experience it.
- They experience social problems , such as difficulty meeting people and making new friends, which can lead to isolation, loneliness and depression.
- Their taciturnity can lead other people to believe that they are indifferent when in fact they are just nervous.
- Shy people are incessantly preoccupied with their appearance and behavior feeling very shy.
- They are constantly afraid of being invisible and feeling useless.
Adults have many reasons to be shy:
- Culture
- Parenting style
- Temperament
- Heredity
- Life experience
However, regardless of the cause, most problems with shyness can be overcome.
The first step to stop being shy is becoming aware of yourself and understanding what exactly you are shy about .
Think of situations that make you feel shy, such as meeting new people, participating in social events, or talking to a potential romantic partner.
How does your shyness manifest - internally through self-awareness and anxiety, or in your behavior, such as posture, loss of words, or avoiding people?
If you are experiencing internal and physical symptoms of anxiety as part of your shyness, relaxation techniques such as conscious deep breathing will help you control these symptoms.
You must be largely free of anxiety symptoms in order to begin new, more confident behaviors.
Simply understanding yourself and the way your shyness affects your self-confidence can help you get started on the problem.
There are several methods by which you can stop being shy and restore your confidence.
How to stop being shy with 6 proven methods:
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Start with small and non-threatening situations
These may include malls, museums, or events where you can interact with a large number of people in a short period of time.
You can start communicating by smiling and saying "hello" to as many people as possible.
Ask someone for a time, give a compliment, or offer to help.
Find simple ways to communicate with people.
Managing communication situations that frighten you will help you overcome your fears.
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Practice speaking skills
Have a few things to talk about with the people you meet - perhaps a current news event or your own opinion about what's going on in your environment.
Ask open-ended questions and comment on the person's answers.
You can even practice some of the topics on your own before you find yourself in a situation with other people.
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Remember that most people are not really focused on you
People are more interested in their appearance and conversation .
They are not as focused on your social skills or lack of them as you fear them to be.
This reality alone should ease your embarrassment and discomfort and help you stop being self-conscious.
Read also
What prevents us from achieving success in life?
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Remind yourself of good times when communicating
After each interaction, instead of thinking about how people perceived your shortcomings, focus on what you did right and well in the situation, how you got over the shy moment and felt confident.
With practice you will get more and more success.
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Create realistic expectations
Many shy people hold impossible standards of perfection when it comes to social situations.
When they fail, they are extremely self-critical.
You don't have to be a perfectionist to be successful with people.
To stop being shy, create realistic goals for yourself before entering into a social situation.
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Accept that failure is normal
Each of us, whether we are shy or not, experiences some form of rejection from other people from time to time.
Not everyone will like you, and that's okay.
Manage your expectations in this regard too.
Your goal is to regularly make attempts to communicate with other people and understand that some of them will be positive and some will not.
Focus on interactions with people who reciprocate.
If you suffer from low self-confidence in social situations and experience some level of shyness that prevents you from enjoying being with other people, start taking small and manageable steps to solve this problem .
Every small success will lead you to gradually stop being shy and increase your self-confidence.
Don't hide behind your computer, don't make excuses, go to events, and don't avoid meeting new people.
You are only holding yourself back from potential relationships that can bring you joy and expand your horizons and possibilities in life.
Stop being shy with these 6 tips.
Connect with real people and let them feel all the gifts you can offer them.
Do you consider yourself a shy person?
How to stop being shy of everyone and everything: 10 effective methods
June 5, 2021 Likbez Life
Modesty is not a vice, but excessive shyness can interfere with both personal life and career.
Lifehacker has collected specific and really working ways that will help you finally get out of the cocoon and start communicating normally with people.
1. Make a list of problem situations
It is better to start solving a problem with analysis. Therefore, do not be too lazy to remember and write down all the situations in which you feel embarrassed. Be extremely specific. Instead of “talking to people,” indicate which people you are talking about: strangers, members of the opposite sex, or people in power.
When you break a problem down into parts, it already seems more manageable.
Then try to arrange the recorded situations in order of increasing anxiety (probably calling a stranger causes less anxiety than speaking in front of an audience).
This list can then be used as a plan to combat shyness. Starting small, you will overcome more and more difficult situations for you. And with each new victory, the feeling of confidence will grow, and shyness, respectively, will decrease.
2. Fix your strengths
Another list to help you fight shyness should be about your positive qualities. As a rule, the cause of shyness is low self-esteem. Fight it mercilessly, reminding yourself of your own splendor (this is not a joke).
Try to find the other side of even shortcomings. It may be difficult for you to conduct a long monologue, but you are an excellent listener. This communication skill can and should be used as well.
3. Decide on a goal
Any action becomes much more effective when it is purposeful. It is clear that constant embarrassment interferes with life, but you need to explain to yourself what exactly it prevents you from doing. It is possible that the formulated goal will become an impetus for overcoming the old problem.
Eric Holtzclaw
Serial entrepreneur, author of Laddering: Unlocking the Potential of Consumer Behavior, radio host
Although I perform, write, and host a radio show, I am an introvert at heart.
But as the head of the company, I had to talk about our products and services. It required me to get out of my shell and take the message to the world. I overcame my shyness by realizing that only I can ensure that my message is delivered correctly. After realizing this fact, I took steps to make it easier for myself to speak in public and meet new people.
4. Practice
Skills need to be honed, and habits that interfere with life should be systematically eradicated. All this applies to sociability and shyness. Here are some ideas that you can use as a kind of workout.
- Reprogram yourself. Imagine that your shyness is a program in the brain that runs in response to certain situations, and you, as a computer user, have the power to influence this process. Try to go from the opposite and do the opposite of what you are used to. Do you want to hide in a corner at a party? Go to the thick of things. Have you caught yourself thinking that in a conversation you are taking a position of deaf defense? Try asking the interviewee a few questions.
- Talk to strangers. Try to talk at least once a day with one stranger (preferably with a random passer-by). You will most likely never see him again, so feel free to hone your communication skills on him.
- In general, communicate more. Try to use every opportunity to make contact with people. Tell jokes, agree to speeches, say hello to those you often meet but never greet.
- Warm up before an important conversation. Want to talk to a specific person at a party but are afraid to approach them? Practice on those present who cause less embarrassment. If we are talking about acquaintance, try to tell them everything that you plan to say in front of the right person. After such a rehearsal, it will be easier to speak.
- And always prepare for public speaking. But don't limit yourself to just repeating the speech. Visualize your future success with the audience. This will give you confidence.
5. Focus on others
The problem with shy people is that they think too much about themselves and the impression they will make on others. Try to redirect the flow of thoughts from yourself to others. Be interested, ask, empathize. When you focus on the other person, anxiety about your own behavior fades into the background.
6. Try something new
Get out of your comfort zone. Firstly, this step will positively affect your self-esteem, and secondly, it will diversify your life. You can enroll in a sports section or art courses. Another great option is improvisation workshops. Such exercises help to liberate.
7. Watch your body language
Eye contact, correct posture, speaking loudly and clearly, as well as smiling and shaking hands firmly communicate your confidence and openness to those around you. Moreover, with these signals, you deceive your brain a little and really begin to feel more free.
8. Say “no” less often
Much has been said about the importance of the word “no”.
But shy people, on the contrary, should avoid it. Their refusal (expressed both in word and action) is often dictated by fear of the unknown and an unreasonable fear of shame. If you want to stop being shy, learn to say yes to the opportunities that life presents.
9. Learn to manage anxiety
Some of the physiological responses associated with shyness can be very difficult to overcome. Someone begins to stutter, someone - to blush violently or forget the simplest words. It is almost impossible to stop this with one effort of will. The ability to quickly relax, for example, with the help of deep breathing, will help to cope with the problem.
10. Don't advertise your shyness
Don't focus your attention or others on the fact that you have communication problems. This is how you label yourself and subconsciously reinforce the belief that shyness is your permanent trait.
Even if others notice your embarrassment, pretend that it is an accident, talk about it lightly, and not as a serious problem.
