Words of comfort for a depressed friend
SAMHSA’s National Helpline | SAMHSA
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SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Also visit the online treatment locator.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.
Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.
The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.
English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.
In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.
The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs.
In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.
The service is confidential. We will not ask you for any personal information. We may ask for your zip code or other pertinent geographic information in order to track calls being routed to other offices or to accurately identify the local resources appropriate to your needs.
No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.
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Suggested Resources
What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems.
Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems.It's Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, "It's not your fault!" and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list.After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative's suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home.Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse.
Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.For additional resources, please visit the SAMHSA Store.
Last Updated
Last Updated: 08/30/2022
Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs
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Misusing alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs can have both immediate and long-term health effects.The misuse and abuse of alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, and prescription medications affect the health and well-being of millions of Americans. NSDUH estimates allow researchers, clinicians, policymakers, and the general public to better understand and improve the nation’s behavioral health. These reports and detailed tables present estimates from the 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH).
Alcohol
Data:
- Among the 133.1 million current alcohol users aged 12 or older in 2021, 60.0 million people (or 45.1%) were past month binge drinkers. The percentage of people who were past month binge drinkers was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (29.2% or 9.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (22.4% or 49.3 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (3.8% or 995,000 people). (2021 NSDUH)
- Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 15.1% (or 5.9 million people) were past month alcohol users. Estimates of binge alcohol use and heavy alcohol use in the past month among underage people were 8.3% (or 3.2 million people) and 1.6% (or 613,000 people), respectively. (2021 NSDUH)
- In 2020, 50.0% of people aged 12 or older (or 138.5 million people) used alcohol in the past month (i.e., current alcohol users) (2020 NSDUH)
- Among the 138.5 million people who were current alcohol users, 61.6 million people (or 44.
4%) were classified as binge drinkers and 17.7 million people (28.8% of current binge drinkers and 12.8% of current alcohol users) were classified as heavy drinkers (2020 NSDUH) - The percentage of people who were past month binge alcohol users was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (31.4%) compared with 22.9% of adults aged 26 or older and 4.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- Excessive alcohol use can increase a person’s risk of stroke, liver cirrhosis, alcoholic hepatitis, cancer, and other serious health conditions
- Excessive alcohol use can also lead to risk-taking behavior, including driving while impaired. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 29 people in the United States die in motor vehicle crashes that involve an alcohol-impaired driver daily
Programs/Initiatives:
- STOP Underage Drinking interagency portal - Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Interagency Coordinating Committee on the Prevention of Underage Drinking
- Talk.
They Hear You. - Underage Drinking: Myths vs. Facts
- Talking with your College-Bound Young Adult About Alcohol
Relevant links:
- National Association of State Alcohol and Drug Abuse Directors
- Department of Transportation Office of Drug & Alcohol Policy & Compliance
- Alcohol Policy Information Systems Database (APIS)
- National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism
Tobacco
Data:
- In 2020, 20.7% of people aged 12 or older (or 57.3 million people) used nicotine products (i.e., used tobacco products or vaped nicotine) in the past month (2020 NSDUH)
- Among past month users of nicotine products, nearly two thirds of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (63.1%) vaped nicotine but did not use tobacco products. In contrast, 88.9% of past month nicotine product users aged 26 or older used only tobacco products (2020 NSDUH)
- Tobacco use is the leading cause of preventable death, often leading to lung cancer, respiratory disorders, heart disease, stroke, and other serious illnesses.
The CDC reports that cigarette smoking causes more than 480,000 deaths each year in the United States - The CDC’s Office on Smoking and Health reports that more than 16 million Americans are living with a disease caused by smoking cigarettes
Electronic cigarette (e-cigarette) use data:
- In 2021, 13.2 million people aged 12 or older (or 4.7%) used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. The percentage of people who vaped nicotine was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (14.1% or 4.7 million people), followed by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (5.2% or 1.4 million people), then by adults aged 26 or older (3.2% or 7.1 million people).
- Among people aged 12 to 20 in 2021, 11.0% (or 4.3 million people) used tobacco products or used an e-cigarette or other vaping device to vape nicotine in the past month. Among people in this age group, 8.1% (or 3.1 million people) vaped nicotine, 5.4% (or 2.1 million people) used tobacco products, and 3.
4% (or 1.3 million people) smoked cigarettes in the past month. (2021 NSDUH) - Data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s 2020 National Youth Tobacco Survey. Among both middle and high school students, current use of e-cigarettes declined from 2019 to 2020, reversing previous trends and returning current e-cigarette use to levels similar to those observed in 2018
- E-cigarettes are not safe for youth, young adults, or pregnant women, especially because they contain nicotine and other chemicals
Resources:
- Tips for Teens: Tobacco
- Tips for Teens: E-cigarettes
- Implementing Tobacco Cessation Programs in Substance Use Disorder Treatment Settings
- Synar Amendment Program
Links:
- Truth Initiative
- FDA Center for Tobacco Products
- CDC Office on Smoking and Health
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Tobacco, Nicotine, and E-Cigarettes
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: E-Cigarettes
Opioids
Data:
- Among people aged 12 or older in 2021, 3.
3% (or 9.2 million people) misused opioids (heroin or prescription pain relievers) in the past year. Among the 9.2 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 8.7 million people misused prescription pain relievers compared with 1.1 million people who used heroin. These numbers include 574,000 people who both misused prescription pain relievers and used heroin in the past year. (2021 NSDUH) - Among people aged 12 or older in 2020, 3.4% (or 9.5 million people) misused opioids in the past year. Among the 9.5 million people who misused opioids in the past year, 9.3 million people misused prescription pain relievers and 902,000 people used heroin (2020 NSDUH)
- According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Understanding the Epidemic, an average of 128 Americans die every day from an opioid overdose
Resources:
- Medications for Substance Use Disorders
- Opioid Overdose Prevention Toolkit
- TIP 63: Medications for Opioid Use Disorder
- Use of Medication-Assisted Treatment for Opioid Use Disorder in Criminal Justice Settings
- Opioid Use Disorder and Pregnancy
- Clinical Guidance for Treating Pregnant and Parenting Women With Opioid Use Disorder and Their Infants
- The Facts about Buprenorphine for Treatment of Opioid Addiction
- Pregnancy Planning for Women Being Treated for Opioid Use Disorder
- Tips for Teens: Opioids
- Rural Opioid Technical Assistance Grants
- Tribal Opioid Response Grants
- Provider’s Clinical Support System - Medication Assisted Treatment Grant Program
Links:
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Opioids
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Heroin
- HHS Prevent Opioid Abuse
- Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America
- Addiction Technology Transfer Center (ATTC) Network
- Prevention Technology Transfer Center (PTTC) Network
Marijuana
Data:
- In 2021, marijuana was the most commonly used illicit drug, with 18.
7% of people aged 12 or older (or 52.5 million people) using it in the past year. The percentage was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (35.4% or 11.8 million people), followed by adults aged 26 or older (17.2% or 37.9 million people), then by adolescents aged 12 to 17 (10.5% or 2.7 million people). - The percentage of people who used marijuana in the past year was highest among young adults aged 18 to 25 (34.5%) compared with 16.3% of adults aged 26 or older and 10.1% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (2020 NSDUH)
- Marijuana can impair judgment and distort perception in the short term and can lead to memory impairment in the long term
- Marijuana can have significant health effects on youth and pregnant women.
Resources:
- Know the Risks of Marijuana
- Marijuana and Pregnancy
- Tips for Teens: Marijuana
Relevant links:
- National Institute on Drug Abuse: Marijuana
- Addiction Technology Transfer Centers on Marijuana
- CDC Marijuana and Public Health
Emerging Trends in Substance Misuse:
- Methamphetamine—In 2019, NSDUH data show that approximately 2 million people used methamphetamine in the past year.
Approximately 1 million people had a methamphetamine use disorder, which was higher than the percentage in 2016, but similar to the percentages in 2015 and 2018. The National Institute on Drug Abuse Data shows that overdose death rates involving methamphetamine have quadrupled from 2011 to 2017. Frequent meth use is associated with mood disturbances, hallucinations, and paranoia. - Cocaine—In 2019, NSDUH data show an estimated 5.5 million people aged 12 or older were past users of cocaine, including about 778,000 users of crack. The CDC reports that overdose deaths involving have increased by one-third from 2016 to 2017. In the short term, cocaine use can result in increased blood pressure, restlessness, and irritability. In the long term, severe medical complications of cocaine use include heart attacks, seizures, and abdominal pain.
- Kratom—In 2019, NSDUH data show that about 825,000 people had used Kratom in the past month. Kratom is a tropical plant that grows naturally in Southeast Asia with leaves that can have psychotropic effects by affecting opioid brain receptors.
It is currently unregulated and has risk of abuse and dependence. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that health effects of Kratom can include nausea, itching, seizures, and hallucinations.
Resources:
- Tips for Teens: Methamphetamine
- Tips for Teens: Cocaine
- National Institute on Drug Abuse
More SAMHSA publications on substance use prevention and treatment.
Last Updated
Last Updated: 03/22/2023
Words of encouragement that are better than "don't worry"
Words of encouragement can be difficult to find. Comforting a person, you can inadvertently upset him even more. We tell you how to support a person, what words will help express sympathy and show your loved one that you are on his side.
Now the Burning Hut has a group in Odnoklassniki.
The only thing missing is your classes! Subscribe yourself and send our articles to mothers and grandmothers.
What's wrong with the phrase "don't worry"
A few years ago, a canary lived in my house. I did not look for souls in her, and even the fact that the little bird woke up early in the morning with her songs did not in the least diminish this love. Once an accident happened to her: the cage fell off the shelf, and the canary damaged the wing. The vet calmed me down, gave her medicine and told me to make special compresses for the wing. In the evening, I completed all the procedures and went to bed peacefully.
And in the morning I didn't hear a sound from the cage. I came closer and saw the lifeless body of my favorite bird. My heart was broken. I blamed myself for not saving my pet, that I made a mistake somewhere and overlooked it.
With tears and a howl, I grabbed the phone and wrote with trembling fingers about what had happened to my friend, hoping for words of support and comfort. But she received one sentence in response: “Well, don’t worry.” Perhaps she wanted to cheer me up with this phrase. But my pain only added a burning resentment: “How did my emotions devalue so easily?”
“We get psychological injuries much more often than physical ones. And they, like a scratch on the knee, get worse if we ignore them: “Oh, do you feel depressed? Never mind, it's all in your head." Imagine saying this to a person with a broken leg: “Oh, just put it out of your head, it’s all in your leg” ”.
Psychologist Guy Winch TED Talk Why Everyone Should Practice Emotional Emergency
According to one of the dictionary definitions, experience is a state of mind caused by some kind of strong sensations, impressions.
In fact, uttering the phrase “do not worry”, a person calls on the interlocutor not to experience emotions, to remove their feelings deeper.
But, firstly, it is very difficult to do this if a person has lost someone close, has been rejected, or has suffered a major setback. Secondly, the containment of emotions leads to bad consequences for psychological and physical health, provoking cardiovascular diseases, psychosomatic pain and depression.
If you really want to help your loved one go through a difficult moment, show your participation and support, it is better to forget the phrase “don't worry” first. There are words that will help you establish a dialogue and actually ease the experience of a dear person.
"I can always listen to you"
First of all, people just want to express what is bothering them, not to find a solution to the problem.
And sometimes it just doesn't exist. So the first thing to do is to make it clear that you are ready to listen. Most often, this becomes the best manifestation of support. At the same time, try not to look at your smartphone, do not fiddle with your watch and do not switch your attention to the environment.
If the frustrated person finds it difficult to start talking or gets lost, try asking leading questions:
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Tell me what happened?
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What's bothering you?
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Why did this happen?
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What caused these feelings?
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Help me understand how you feel.
The monologue that you help build your interlocutor can be more effective than advice. By saying everything that worries him, your loved one can find a solution himself, understand that in reality everything is not so bad.
Or just feel better, because you no longer need to keep emotions in yourself.
But don't insist if you see that the person obviously doesn't want to talk. In this case, just let him know that you are always ready to listen if he changes his mind.
“Loneliness inflicts a deep psychological wound that distorts our perception and confuses our thinking. It makes us think that others care about us much less than they really do. It makes you afraid to turn to someone, because why subject yourself to rejection and suffering if your heart already hurts more than you can bear? There is a lot of research on loneliness, and they are all terrifying. Loneliness not only makes you unhappy, it kills. I am not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases the likelihood of early death by 14%” .
Guy Winch
“Your feelings are normal”
Faced with the anxiety of another person, you involuntarily want to try to get him out of this state with smiles or jokes.
It may seem that his problem is nonsense and not worth the tears. But what seems insignificant to one person is really important to another. Do not underestimate the importance of sadness, anger or resentment. For everyone, these emotions are individual.
And while some allow themselves to surrender to grief completely, others are afraid to show their feelings. It seems to them that then they look weaklings or the subject of ridicule. Or that their problem does not deserve such violent emotions.
Therefore, if you see that your loved one is obviously upset about something, but tries to hide it, try to explain that their emotions are normal. You will not shame or ridicule him. Perhaps these words of support will help an upset person open up to you and ease their feelings.
"I know that feeling."
This phrase must be handled very carefully.
Even if you think you've had a similar experience, it won't be exactly like the person who's seeking your support. Your pain is different. But you can share your story if you feel it's appropriate.
You must not shift the focus of the conversation to yourself. Do not say that you had worse situations, do not go into details. It is better to briefly talk about how something like this went through, and then return the attention to your loved one. If he needs to, he will ask for details.
With this phrase you tell a person that he is not alone with his pain. That there is someone nearby who has experienced similar feelings. Or maybe he will find in your story tips on how to get through his pain and overcome it.
“After failure, the mind tries to convince you of your inability to do something.
If you believe this, you will begin to feel helpless and stop trying too soon or not at all. And then you'll be even more convinced that you can't succeed. That is why so many people operate below their potential. Because somewhere along the way, a single failure convinced them that they could not succeed, and they believed it.
Guy Winch
"What can I do for you?"
When you feel that you have the strength and desire to help a person, and not just listen, ask what you can do for him.
If a frustrated person asks for your advice, first find out if they have any ideas to improve the situation. Reflect with him, sketch out a few options, but invite your loved one to evaluate them. Decisions are more likely to be made if a person comes to them on their own.
If you are in the immediate vicinity of an upset person, you can also provide them with domestic care. Make tea, offer to watch a movie, or cook something together to take your mind off things. And if the conversation takes place in the evening, advise to go to bed. Many feel better in the morning.
But sometimes an upset person is sad, not because of a particular event, but because he suffers from depression. If so, encourage him to do something other than talk, like take a walk. Overthinking can exacerbate depressive feelings. Discuss with the person his feelings, gently suggest contacting a specialist who will help alleviate his condition.
“If we are rejected, we all start thinking about our shortcomings and shortcomings, we scold ourselves. I wonder why we do this when our self-esteem is already so hurt? Why do we want to hurt her even more? If you cut your hand, you wouldn't think, "Oh, an idea: I'll take a knife and see how much deeper I can make this wound.
" But with psychological trauma, we do this all the time” .
Guy Winch
"What happened to you is really awful"
One of the most difficult things is realizing that you don't know what to say. But most of the time, frustrated people are not really looking for specific words of encouragement, but for comfort. When a person is in pain, he really needs understanding and sympathy for his pain. American psychologist John Gottman called this "evidence of the plight of a loved one."
This means that sometimes it is enough to "witness" the experiences of a loved one. To calm him down, describe what you see and feel. Recognize that someone close to you is going through a difficult time. That it's hard for you to see his pain.
And yes, what happened to him is really terrible. If you see fit, hug the person. Hugs are our unique way of coping with adversity, providing comfort and reassurance just as much as talking.
Support and do no harm A psychologist told how to help a loved one cope with an emotional upheaval
Finding themselves in a difficult life situation, most people more often seek support not from professional psychologists, but from friends or family members. But not everyone knows how to help a person who is in a depressed emotional state or even depression. Evgeniy Ilyich Morozov, a psychologist at a private clinic at CJSC, told how to properly and effectively support a person in trouble.
- Stay close
- When we find out that our friend or relative is in a difficult situation, we usually don't know what to say. But most people who are going through an emotional upheaval are not looking for specific advice, but for support. When a person is hurt, he really needs understanding and sympathy.
Therefore, personal contact is one of the effective methods of influence, - the psychologist notes. - Do not leave alone a person who has experienced the misfortune of one, but just stay close. If necessary, you can even move in with him for a while or visit regularly, - says psychologist Morozov. - As a rule, people who have experienced grief remember that friendly hugs and simple words of sympathy and support turned out to be the most effective: “I'm very sorry.” Prophetic phrases like
“Everything will be fine”, on the contrary, cause irritation. They look empty, because no one can know the future.
- Don't be intrusive
- It is important not to overdo it with personal contacts, - Evgeny Ilyich emphasizes, - You should not “strangle” with your attention and care. It is enough for a person to feel your presence in his life. Say a simple phrase, "I'm always there and I can listen to you." Do not bother with conversations if the person is not ready to share their experiences, but simply make it clear that you understand what is happening in the soul of your loved one.
Also, don't hang up the phone asking you to keep up to date. Better to write than call. A person can be busy or avoid talking, and he will be able to answer letters, SMS when the opportunity and time arise.
- Don't ask for details
- Often you want to know more details and details of what happened. But how can they help? This is a simple manifestation of curiosity, - the psychologist notes, - Imagine for yourself, a person has recently experienced a serious shock in his life, and clarifying the details makes him return to misfortune again and again and again be transported to a moment of acute stress.
- Offer specific help
- Someone who finds himself in a difficult situation definitely needs help. Of course, depending on the circumstances, it will be different. Therefore, it is better to immediately assess the situation, inform that you want to help and clarify what exactly can be done, the psychologist recommends.
In a difficult emotional state, as a rule, there is absolutely no strength to do household chores. Therefore, even seeing off the child to school, preparing dinner
or a trip to the store can make life easier for your loved one.
- Organize a fundraiser
- People who find themselves in difficult life circumstances often experience financial difficulties. But accepting and, moreover, asking for money is always difficult, the psychologist notes. - Do not ask a person who is in trouble
if he needs money. It is better to organize a fundraiser among your friends yourself, and just hand over the envelope. It will be a good support, you will be grateful.
- Do not give useless advice
- You also need to know how to give advice. Phrases from the series "it was necessary to do it wrong, but like this" are useless and cause only irritation, - Evgeny Ilyich notes.
- The event has already happened, it will not be possible to return to the past and correct the situation, but
to drive a person into an even greater emotional upheaval
with such advice - with ease. It is better to give more effective recommendations. For example, to advise some specialist who will help resolve the situation. Give his contact or offer to arrange a meeting with him. This
you will be a real help.
- Refuse ratings
- Avoid judging the behavior of the person in distress or their affected relatives and friends. Believe me, those who experience adversity need a judge the last thing. Also, there is no need to escalate the situation and add emotional coloring to it with phrases: "What happened is just awful!" or "He's still so young." Words that are meant to comfort can have the opposite effect. Better let the person talk. This will help him throw out the emotions that have accumulated inside, - the psychologist notes.
