When you know the relationship is over

6 Expert-Approved Signs a Relationship Is Over

Like anything worth participating in, relationships—no matter how perfect they may seem—have their fair share of ups and downs. We've all experienced tough times with those we love, but occasional arguments are usually nothing to worry about in healthy relationships. At some point, however, you may be faced with a feeling of doubt that's hard to ignore. You feel like you've lost your connection or a difficult event has damaged your trust. So, how do you know if the relationship is over? You'll want to take a closer look at your connection with your partner.

Analyzing the good and bad moments can help determine whether your problems are worth working through, or in some cases, if it's time to part ways. Even when you still care about each other, staying together might not be the best choice for either of you. When we're emotionally invested for a long period of time, it can be easier to turn a blind eye to disagreements (even if they happen more often than they used to). It's never simple to consider breaking up with someone you love. But by learning how to recognize when a relationship is over, and preparing yourself to cope afterward, you can determine what's best to move forward.

If you're unsure about what to do, look out for these six key signs that a relationship is over.

There's No Emotional Connection

When the spark is gone, it's hard to tell if a relationship is worth saving. One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another.

"We 'hide' deeper feelings (from ourselves and from others)…When we find ourselves behaving in ways that aren’t typical, we might need to do a little soul-searching to get a clearer picture of where our attitude is coming from," says licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White, Ph. D. If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone—or it's difficult to have engaging conversations—your bond could be getting weaker.

Physical Intimacy Doesn't Appeal to You Anymore

Sexual desire can sway up and down over the course of a relationship. If you're in a lull and can't seem to get your sex life back on track, that's not necessarily a sign that the relationship is over. Degges-White suggests imagining the first time you were intimate with your partner and understanding how the memory makes you feel. "If you can get back there in your head—and you like where your mind takes you—then you are probably still sexually attracted to your partner," she says.

On the contrary, if your passion has deflated and you're no longer interested in your partner at all, that could be a problem. A lack of sexual interest is often a reflection of the health and potential longevity of relationships. "When just the thought of your partner being close or touching you intimately is off-putting, [it could] signal that the relationship is in need of an overhaul, or that a breakup is potentially near."

In some relationships that are on the verge of ending, sex can be the first of many connections that start to fade.

It's Hard to Agree on Anything

Another telltale sign you're heading toward a breakup is that you don't see eye-to-eye anymore. When you're dealing with constant disagreements, it can lead to anger on both sides.

"When fighting is unrelenting, to the point where there are very few minutes of calm, take it seriously," says licensed clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph.D. Even if it seems strange, not arguing enough can also be a bad sign: "Some couples become so exhausted by fighting that they simply stop…They often stop sharing things with each other altogether, and have zero ability to bring up any sort of disagreement." When all you can agree on is that you can't agree on anything, it's an unfortunate indicator of the relationship's future.

Someone Else Seems More Appealing

While it's normal to fantasize about other people, desires can be harmful when they minimize the importance of sex with your partner. Whether you're fixated on your ex, crushing on someone from work, or longing for strangers, it's time to reconsider your feelings.

"When your fantasies are taking time and energy away from [what] you should be spending with your partner, you’re probably crossing a line that you shouldn’t," says Degges-White. "Sexual fantasies about others can be fine if they add to your relationship, but if they create a world in which your partner’s role is shrinking, it’s time to either put someone else in your fantasies or begin a conversation." If your partner is no longer your priority in bed, it's time for a talk.

The Trust Is Gone

Whether your partner had an affair or they just simply don't keep promises, trust is hard to rebuild. If you feel like you can't trust the person in your corner, it's a roadblock that prevents any meaningful connection. "Trust is the foundation of a committed relationship, and a lack of it hollows out a relationship from the inside," says Bonior. In order to regain it, both partners need to focus not only on trust itself but on the root of problems which led to a breakdown in the first place.

Your Goals Don't Align

One of the hardest disconnects to accept in a relationship is when partners want different things. No matter how deeply you care for each other, if you're not planning for the same goals in life, it's difficult to realign your hopes. "Sometimes even relationships [with] a great deal of love can be stymied by goals that are totally different," says Bonior. Desires for children, professional dreams, or where you'd like to live are common aspirations that couples struggle with. "There can be hope with compromise, but without that, the warning signs are hard to ignore," she notes.

Regardless of what's causing a disconnect in your relationship, it's never an easy situation to find yourself in. If you're still in love and want your bond to last, you might seek counseling to better communicate and understand each other. All relationships have their obstacles—so if you're certain your partner is "the one," try finding new ways to get past conflicts in a healthy way for you both.

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5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

It can be difficult to discern whether or not a relationship has become toxic—especially if you're in love and have been in the partnership for a long time. If you have feelings of uncertainty, though, whether they're coming from a lack of trust, continuous arguments, or controlling behavior on either side of the relationship, it's well worth understanding the signs of toxicity.

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.

"Life is too short to be spending time in a toxic relationship," says Jamie Bronstein, a licensed relationship therapist. "It's easier said than done to leave a toxic relationship, however, trust your gut and know that you deserve a healthy relationship."

Meet the Expert

Jaime Bronstein is a licensed relationship therapist and author of MAN*ifesting.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Here, Bronstein explains the signs to look out for in your relationship if you're feeling like things have turned a corner and become unhealthy.

Feeling Unsafe and Physical Abuse

First and foremost: both partners should always feel safe—emotionally, mentally, and physically—in a partnership. If there is any kind of physical abuse, you need to tell someone, seek professional help, and make a plan for exiting the relationship. "Once is too many times," says Bronstein. "If it happened once, it will happen again, and even with a therapist or a counselor, it could still happen again."

If you are worried about your safety or the safety of your loved ones, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Constant Criticism

One of the main signs of toxicity in a relationship? "An overcritical partner who makes you feel bad about yourself," explains Bronstein. There is a fine line between having honest conversations and outright criticism that makes you feel down about yourself. If you find that your partner is constantly criticizing every little thing you do—big or small—this could be a sign that the relationship has become toxic.

Possessiveness

It's nice to feel wanted in a relationship, of course. But there is a difference between expressing love and being possessive. "If your partner is over-possessive and keeps tabs on your whereabouts, doesn't approve of you having alone time, and always insists on doing everything together, this could mean you are in a toxic relationship," says Bronstein. If you're detecting early signs of possessiveness (from you or your partner), consider having a serious conversation about trust and boundaries.

Anger

Do you find yourself arguing with your partner constantly? And not just arguing—we mean fighting angrily, shouting, and saying hurtful things. If one or both partners are experiencing outbursts of intense anger, Bronstein says that this is a telltale sign of toxicity.

Family and Friends Are Concerned

If you're feeling unsure, take note of your family's and friends' observations about your relationship. That's what your support system is there for—to be a sounding board for whatever you may be going through. If the people you're close with begin to express concern, try to really listen and process this information (rather than getting defensive). They might be seeing something that's hard for you to see, especially if you're deeply in love with your partner.

Steps for Exiting a Toxic Relationship

Once you've identified the signs of toxicity in your relationship, it's time to make an exit plan. Here, Bronstein breaks down the steps to safely getting out of this type of unhealthy partnership.

Tell a Friend or Family Member

When you're ready to take the next steps, Bronstein suggests confiding in someone you're close with. "Your loved ones need to know what is going on," she says. "Their support will help you to get empowered to leave the relationship.'

Seek a Safe Space

If there is physical abuse in the partnership, you need to prioritize finding a safe place to be. "Do your best to get to a loved one's home and stay there," advises Bronstein. "Having an in-person breakup conversation with an abusive partner is not safe."

Talk to a Therapist Before the Breakup

While the path forward may seem simple if you've already made up your mind about ending your relationship, it's a good idea to still seek professional advice from a counselor or therapist. "When dealing with a toxic person, they may try and talk you out of going to therapy," warns Bronstein. "They will use any means they can to keep you in the relationship; they will manipulate you and try to lure you back in if they sense you are going to leave. The threat of you leaving the relationship will bruise their ego, and they might lash out, so it's best to talk to a professional first. "

Prioritize Self Love

The road to recovery after leaving a toxic relationship isn't an easy one. It's important to surround yourself with people you love and trust—and to work on loving yourself and prioritizing your mental health. "Find comfort with those you love and who love you unconditionally," says Bronstein. "Work on unconditionally loving yourself and heal what needs to be healed."

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Article Sources

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https://www.verywellmind.com/toxic-relationships-4174665

21 signs that your relationship is going to hell

September 21, 2021 Relationship

No one promised that relationships are easy. But this does not mean that meeting or living with another person should resemble an endless hell.

Iya Zorina

Author of Lifehacker, athlete, CCM

Knowing when to quit and when to move on is the key to emotional survival.

Until we are 200% sure that the relationship is over, we continue to believe in it. This is understandable, because in a few years (or months) we become so attached to a person, we can say “grow into” him, that it is very painful to part. It is clear that you are trying to save the relationship: there is always hope that they will change for the better.

Not everyone has the courage to break up a relationship the moment it really ends. Here are 21 signs that "finita la comedy" if it has not yet arrived, then it is already very, very close. If at least four points out of all you say: “This is about us,” think about parting more seriously than usual.

1. Resentment

You are constantly offended by your partner, but do not say anything. You think that this is how you save your relationship, but in fact you only delay that unpleasant moment when all the accumulated negativity breaks out and your relationship ends in a painful break.

Resentment does not go away, especially if the factors that cause it do not disappear. If it does not splash out, then it accumulates inside, and this causes stress and illness. And, of course, destroys relationships - slowly but surely.

2. Disrespect

If you and your partner have reached the point where you show mutual disrespect, it's time to destroy your illusions. There is nothing easier than to stop being attached to someone who shows you disrespect.

People can continue to live together without respect and awareness of the value of each other, which leads to absolute indifference about the needs and desires of a partner. Well, what kind of continuation can we talk about?

3. Contempt

It doesn't matter what motives caused contempt, be it a failed career, a change in appearance or something else. Partners should support each other in any situation, because isn't this warmth we need so much under any circumstances, and especially during some personal problems.

If you start treating each other with contempt, you no longer get warmth from relationships and you live not with a friend who understands, but with a cold being who condemns you, why continue this?

4. Lies

I'm talking about that lie when you tell a person "I love you" without experiencing any feelings. You are afraid of hurting him, but you are not really protecting him, but only making it worse. The truth will come out: you cannot lie all your life and at the same time not spoil it for yourself and your partner.

Well, if you say to yourself: “We are happy, I am happy, everything is fine with us”, when you feel that everything has already ended for you, this is also an escape from reality.

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5. Distrust

If you do not trust your partner, then there are reasons for this. If they are so serious that trust cannot be restored, why stay with this person? All my life to check, worry and waste my nerves?

6.

Swearing in public

Anything good you can say about your partner can be said in public. And all the bad things are better left for personal conversations. To scold a person in public means to achieve only a negative response or hidden resentment.

In addition, if you scold your partner in public or even just allow yourself unpleasant jokes about him, it means that dissatisfaction is growing inside, which has already begun to spill out.

7. Withdrawal

If you often look for a way to be away from your partner and consciously try to avoid contact and intimacy, it's time to get rid of it.

You have already severed the emotional connection with your partner and thus gently let him know that it's over. Maybe it's better to do it right away, and not to produce suffering and doubts?

8. Demanding evidence of love

“If you love me, you…” It is very tempting to manage a person's life in this way, and if you hear this phrase from time to time, then something has gone wrong.

The only person who can change his feelings is himself, and some of your actions have nothing to do with it.

Well, if you yourself say so, think about whether you really need this person, will he become loved if he does something? And is it possible to manipulate someone you really love?

9. Public humiliation

If your partner has humiliated you in public once, he will most likely do it again and again. And it does not matter that he drank a lot that evening or he was in a bad mood.

Public humiliation of a partner speaks only of deep self-hatred, and no matter how much love you give to this person, it will not fix the situation without his firm desire to change and work with his self-esteem. And this is difficult not only to correct, but even to admit.

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10. Obsession with another person

sooner or later it will lead to a break.

Of course, this does not mean that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person, but obsession with someone else is fraught with suspicion, jealousy and resentment.

Yes, your partner is obviously missing something in your relationship if he is so attracted to another person, but you can hardly give him that. And certainly you should not change yourself for the sake of another person.

11. Obsession with pornography

There is nothing strange or wrong with partners watching porn together. Some kind of voyeurism helps to get turned on and find something new to try later in bed with a partner.

But if one of the partners is obsessed with pornography, complete satisfaction will always elude him: in pursuit of the Grail of multiple orgasms, he may end up on the path of sexual perversion.

So, if you are not satisfied with such scenarios, think about both the root cause of this obsession and the possible consequences.

12. Emotional infidelity

Some people believe that monogamy is the only possible relationship, for others it is difficult and almost impossible.

If you cheated for the sake of a variety of sexual experiences, the relationship can still be saved, but if there is an emotional attachment to the person with whom you had an intimate relationship, it is time to end the relationship.

The first question people ask when they find out about their partner's infidelity is: "Do you love him/her?" Because it is the emotional, and not the physical connection, that is the core of the relationship, and if it is gone, then you have nothing more to do here.

13. Inability to end the conflict

It starts as an endless struggle without consensus, which gradually develops into "as you wish", when the partners no longer care about the results of their struggle.

There is a rule: never go to bed offended by each other. And there is definitely something in it.

If none of the partners can pacify their pride and desire to always be the winner in the dispute, cannot agree to a truce without achieving their goal, these relations have no continuation.

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14. Subconscious

If you unconsciously do things that harm your relationship, it is your psyche that tells you what you really need.

You can think whatever you want, but your actions speak of real desires better than all your assurances and hopes.

15. Obsession

If your partner has an obsession with, for example, alcohol or substances, he/she is a shopaholic, gambler, workaholic, or obsessed with sex, you will always be in second or even fifth place and will not get the emotional connection that I would like to.

If you don't have an obsession with something, your partner's addiction can ruin not only his life, but yours as well. Not a very pleasant prospect.

16. Painful attachment to former

If your partner is still more than close to a former lover or husband/wife, it destroys the relationship.

Former partners should be respected, especially if you have common children, but the first role is still assigned to the current partner. If this does not happen, it is easy to feel secondary and unnecessary, and this is a direct path to a breakup.

17.

Threats and emotional blackmail

This is a clear sign of an unhealthy relationship. Emotional blackmail is often presented as intense love, but it is actually control. And control, in turn, is an abuse of feelings. You have to run as far away from it as you can see.

18. Constant comparison and ratings

Does your partner compare you to those who look more attractive, earn more, are smarter and more interesting than you? This is one form of humiliation. If someone thinks that the grass is greener in someone else's yard, let him go there.

People are unique beings, although they are similar in many ways. You shouldn't compare yourself, let alone listen to it from your partner.

19. Indifference

Why stay together if you don't care about each other?

20. Loss of attachment

There's nothing wrong with wanting a roommate, but if you want more from a relationship, don't stay with a partner who isn't your one and only. Don't just stay because it's convenient for you.

21. Physical violence

There are no excuses, no explanations, circumstances and promises do not matter. You just have to leave.

In general, conflicts in relationships are a way to get rid of pain, but their causes may vary. It can be a way to open the boil of dissatisfaction and resentment that has arisen in a relationship in order to clean out the wound, remove what is in the way, and save the relationship.

But it also happens differently, when conflicts are a way to break off relationships, to tell the other person that they are over, that it is no longer worth tormenting each other.

And it is better to learn to distinguish one conflict from another, otherwise it will be painful and bad for both partners.