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What Is An Empath? 15 Signs and Traits

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You may be an empathic person if you have a lot of empathy for others and good intuition but have difficulty setting boundaries. You also may be highly sensitive, overly aware of others’ feelings, or experience sensory discomfort.

Do you often feel deeply tuned in to the feelings of people around you? Do crowds make you uncomfortable? Would you (or the people closest to you) describe yourself as a sensitive person?

If so, you may be an empath.

Dr. Judith Orloff, a pioneer in the field, describes empaths as those who absorb the world’s joys and stresses like “emotional sponges.”

In her book “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,” she suggests empaths lack the filters most people use to protect themselves from excessive stimulation and can’t help but take in surrounding emotions and energies, whether they’re good, bad, or something in between.

Kim Egel, a San Diego-based therapist, expands this further: “Empaths have a higher sensitivity to outside stimuli such as sounds, big personalities, and hectic environments. They bring a lot of heart and care to the world and feel things very deeply. ”

Sound familiar? Here are 15 other signs you might be an empath, along with tips for dealing with being one.

The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective.

Say your friend just lost their dog of 15 years. Empathy is what allows you to understand the level of pain she’s going through, even if you’ve never lost a beloved pet.

But as an empath, you take things a step further. You actually sense and feel emotions as if they’re part of your own experience. In other words, someone else’s pain and happiness become your pain and happiness.

Empaths often find frequent close contact difficult, which can make romantic relationships challenging.

You want to connect and develop a lasting partnership. But spending too much time with someone leads to stress, overwhelm, or worries about losing yourself in the relationship.

You might also notice sensory overload or a “frayed nerves” feeling from too much talking or touching. But when you try to express your need for time alone, you absorb your partner’s hurt feelings and feel even more distressed.

Ever felt like you have a strong gut reaction to things that feel a bit off? Maybe you pick up on dishonesty easily or just know when something seems like a good (or bad) idea.

This may be your empath trait at work.

Empaths tend to be able to pick up on subtle cues that provide insight on the thoughts of others, suggests Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in relationships. “An empath’s intuition often tells them whether someone is being truthful or not,” she says.

As an empath, you might put a lot of faith in your instincts when making decisions. Although others might consider you impulsive, you’re actually trusting your intuition to guide you to the choice that feels right for you.

Anyone can benefit from spending time in natural settings. But empaths may feel even more drawn to nature and remote areas, since natural environments provide a calming space to rest from overwhelming sensations, sounds, and emotions.

You might feel completely at peace when hiking alone in a sunlit forest or watching waves crash against the shore. Even a quiet walk through a garden or an hour sitting under trees may lift your spirits, soothe overstimulation, and help you relax.

According to Sueskind, empaths can absorb positive and negative energy just by being in someone’s presence. In crowded or busy places, this sensitivity may seem magnified to the point of being almost unbearable.

Egel agrees, adding that “empaths can be easily overwhelmed by feeling everything more intensely.” If you can easily sense how others feel, you’ll likely have a hard time handling the emotional “noise” from a crowd, or even a smaller group of people, for an extended period of time.

When you’re picking up on negative emotions, energy, or even physical distress from people around you, you might become overwhelmed or physically unwell. As a result, you may feel most comfortable on your own or in the company of just a few people at a time.

An empath doesn’t just feel for someone — they feel with someone.

Taking in others’ emotions so deeply can make you want to do something about them. “Empaths want to help,” Sueskind says. “But this isn’t always possible, which can disappoint an empath.”

You may find it difficult to watch someone struggle and act on your natural inclination to help ease their distress, even if that means absorbing it yourself.

Caring about the suffering of others isn’t a bad thing, but your concern for another’s difficulties can overshadow your care for yourself. This can factor into compassion fatigue and burnout, so it’s essential to save some energy for yourself.

Sensitive, empathic people tend to be fantastic listeners. Your loved ones may feel comforted by your support and reach out to you first whenever they experience difficulty.

Caring deeply can make it hard to tell people when you approach the point of being overwhelmed. But it’s important to find a balance. Without boundaries, unchecked kindness and sensitivity can pave the way for “emotion dumps” that may be too much for you to handle at once.

Empaths may also be more vulnerable to manipulation or toxic behaviors. Your earnest desire to help people in distress can leave you unaware of signs of toxicity.

You may have a deeper understanding of the pain fueling their behavior and want to offer support. But it’s important to remember you can’t do much for someone who isn’t ready to change.

An empath’s increased sensitivity doesn’t just relate to emotions. There’s a lot of overlap between empaths and people who are highly sensitive, and you might find that you’re also more sensitive to the world around you.

This could mean:

  • Fragrances and odors affect you more strongly.
  • Jarring sounds and physical sensations may affect you more strongly.
  • You prefer to listen to media at low volumes or get information by reading.
  • Certain sounds may trigger an emotional response.

It should be noted that covert narcissists, also known as vulnerable narcissists, are also highly sensitive. They may appear to be empaths to manipulate others.

“Heightened sensitivity to other people’s pain can be draining, so empaths may find themselves easily fatigued,” Sueskind says.

Even an overload of positive feelings might exhaust you, so it’s important to take the time you need to reset.

If you can’t escape overwhelming emotions and rest your senses, you’re more likely to experience burnout, which can have a negative impact on well-being.

Needing time alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an introvert. Empaths can also be extroverts, or fall anywhere on the spectrum. Maybe people energize you — until you reach that point of being overwhelmed.

Extroverted empaths may need to take extra care to strike the right balance between spending time with others and restoring their emotional reserves.

If you’re an empath, you likely dread or actively avoid conflict.

Higher sensitivity can make it easier for someone to hurt your feelings. Even offhand remarks might cut more deeply, and you may take criticism more personally.

Arguments and fights can also cause more distress since you’re not only dealing with your own feelings and reactions. You’re also absorbing the emotions of the others involved. When you want to address everyone’s hurt but don’t know how, even minor disagreements can become harder to cope with.

Despite being highly attuned to the feelings of others, many empaths find it difficult to relate to others.

Others might not understand why you become exhausted and stressed so quickly. You might struggle to understand the emotions and feelings you absorb or feel like you aren’t “normal.” This may lead you to become more private. You might avoid talking about your sensitivities and sharing your intuitions so you feel less out of place.

It’s never easy to feel like you don’t belong, but try to see your ability to deeply empathize with others as something special. It may not be common, but it’s an important part of who you are.

Isolation can help empaths recover from overwhelm, so completely shutting out the world may seem healing. But prolonged isolation can take a toll on mental health.

There are different types of isolation, and some may offer more restorative benefits than others. Try taking your time alone outdoors when possible and meditate in a quiet park, walk in the rain, take a scenic drive, or garden.

Boundaries are important in all relationships.

If you’re an empath, you may struggle to turn off the ability to feel and find it impossible to stop giving, even when you have no energy left. You might believe boundaries suggest you don’t care about your loved ones when the exact opposite is true.

Because the experiences of others have such an intense impact on empaths, boundaries become even more essential. They help you set limits around words or actions that may affect you negatively, allowing you to get your own needs met.

When you start to feel unable to decipher your emotions from those of others, it may be time to explore healthy boundary setting with a therapist.

Deeper emotional understanding can drive your intuition, and you likely pick up on things other people miss or make connections that aren’t clear to anyone else.

But this increased connection to the world can also have drawbacks. Environments that don’t provide much space for emotional expression can dampen your creativity and sensitivity, Egel says, leaving you disinterested, disengaged, and struggling to thrive.

It can be difficult for empaths to protect themselves from taking on other people’s emotions, Sueskind says.

Good self-care practices and healthy boundaries can help insulate you, particularly from negative emotions and energy. But the emotional “noise” of the world can cause significant distress when you lack the tools to manage it.

There are different types of empaths, including emotional, physical, and intuitive empaths.

Emotional empath

This type of empath is highly sensitive to the emotions of other people.

For example, when another person is sad or happy, an emotional empath also becomes sad or happy.

Physical empath

Physical empaths are very sensitive to the pain and illnesses of others.

They may even experience empathic illnesses or symptoms that are not actually their own.

Intuitive empath

People who are intuitive empaths are extremely perceptive.

Although there is no scientific evidence to support it, intuitive empaths may believe they are psychic or telepathic. Some may think they are able to communicate with plants and animals.

If you are an empath, setting healthy, clear boundaries can help reduce distress, Egel suggests. “You must know how to preserve yourself so you don’t get your energy and emotional reserves swallowed up,” she says.

You can also try taking some of the following steps to help protect your psyche:

  • If people drain you easily, consider adding a pet to your life. Empaths may connect to animals more intensely and draw deep comfort from this bond.
  • If you’re struggling to manage overstimulation on your own, and it affects your quality of life or keeps you from relationships and other personal goals, a therapist can help you learn to develop boundaries and identify helpful self-care approaches.
  • To emotionally decompress, take frequent short breaks during the day to meditate, go for a walk, or do another stress-reducing activity.
  • Build your sense of self awareness by paying attention to your own feelings and the characteristics defining you.
  • Try to maintain a positive outlook. Avoid negative people and negativity in general.
  • Boost your self esteem by repeating positive affirmations.

Remember, your needs and emotions are just as important as the ones you pick up in everyone around you.

The following are some of the pros and cons of being an empath:

ProsCons
You sense when someone needs help. You may often feel emotionally exhausted
You help others by providing emotional support.You may spend more time focused on others rather than yourself
Because of your strong intuition, you may not easily be taken advantage of or tricked.Other people may be put off by your intuition

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

What Is An Empath? 15 Signs and Traits

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Here’s our process.

Healthline only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

  • Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
  • Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
  • Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

Read more about our vetting process.

You may be an empathic person if you have a lot of empathy for others and good intuition but have difficulty setting boundaries. You also may be highly sensitive, overly aware of others’ feelings, or experience sensory discomfort.

Do you often feel deeply tuned in to the feelings of people around you? Do crowds make you uncomfortable? Would you (or the people closest to you) describe yourself as a sensitive person?

If so, you may be an empath.

Dr. Judith Orloff, a pioneer in the field, describes empaths as those who absorb the world’s joys and stresses like “emotional sponges.”

In her book “The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People,” she suggests empaths lack the filters most people use to protect themselves from excessive stimulation and can’t help but take in surrounding emotions and energies, whether they’re good, bad, or something in between.

Kim Egel, a San Diego-based therapist, expands this further: “Empaths have a higher sensitivity to outside stimuli such as sounds, big personalities, and hectic environments. They bring a lot of heart and care to the world and feel things very deeply.”

Sound familiar? Here are 15 other signs you might be an empath, along with tips for dealing with being one.

The term empath comes from empathy, which is the ability to understand the experiences and feelings of others outside of your own perspective.

Say your friend just lost their dog of 15 years. Empathy is what allows you to understand the level of pain she’s going through, even if you’ve never lost a beloved pet.

But as an empath, you take things a step further. You actually sense and feel emotions as if they’re part of your own experience. In other words, someone else’s pain and happiness become your pain and happiness.

Empaths often find frequent close contact difficult, which can make romantic relationships challenging.

You want to connect and develop a lasting partnership. But spending too much time with someone leads to stress, overwhelm, or worries about losing yourself in the relationship.

You might also notice sensory overload or a “frayed nerves” feeling from too much talking or touching. But when you try to express your need for time alone, you absorb your partner’s hurt feelings and feel even more distressed.

Ever felt like you have a strong gut reaction to things that feel a bit off? Maybe you pick up on dishonesty easily or just know when something seems like a good (or bad) idea.

This may be your empath trait at work.

Empaths tend to be able to pick up on subtle cues that provide insight on the thoughts of others, suggests Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in relationships. “An empath’s intuition often tells them whether someone is being truthful or not,” she says.

As an empath, you might put a lot of faith in your instincts when making decisions. Although others might consider you impulsive, you’re actually trusting your intuition to guide you to the choice that feels right for you.

Anyone can benefit from spending time in natural settings. But empaths may feel even more drawn to nature and remote areas, since natural environments provide a calming space to rest from overwhelming sensations, sounds, and emotions.

You might feel completely at peace when hiking alone in a sunlit forest or watching waves crash against the shore. Even a quiet walk through a garden or an hour sitting under trees may lift your spirits, soothe overstimulation, and help you relax.

According to Sueskind, empaths can absorb positive and negative energy just by being in someone’s presence. In crowded or busy places, this sensitivity may seem magnified to the point of being almost unbearable.

Egel agrees, adding that “empaths can be easily overwhelmed by feeling everything more intensely.” If you can easily sense how others feel, you’ll likely have a hard time handling the emotional “noise” from a crowd, or even a smaller group of people, for an extended period of time.

When you’re picking up on negative emotions, energy, or even physical distress from people around you, you might become overwhelmed or physically unwell. As a result, you may feel most comfortable on your own or in the company of just a few people at a time.

An empath doesn’t just feel for someone — they feel with someone.

Taking in others’ emotions so deeply can make you want to do something about them. “Empaths want to help,” Sueskind says. “But this isn’t always possible, which can disappoint an empath. ”

You may find it difficult to watch someone struggle and act on your natural inclination to help ease their distress, even if that means absorbing it yourself.

Caring about the suffering of others isn’t a bad thing, but your concern for another’s difficulties can overshadow your care for yourself. This can factor into compassion fatigue and burnout, so it’s essential to save some energy for yourself.

Sensitive, empathic people tend to be fantastic listeners. Your loved ones may feel comforted by your support and reach out to you first whenever they experience difficulty.

Caring deeply can make it hard to tell people when you approach the point of being overwhelmed. But it’s important to find a balance. Without boundaries, unchecked kindness and sensitivity can pave the way for “emotion dumps” that may be too much for you to handle at once.

Empaths may also be more vulnerable to manipulation or toxic behaviors. Your earnest desire to help people in distress can leave you unaware of signs of toxicity.

You may have a deeper understanding of the pain fueling their behavior and want to offer support. But it’s important to remember you can’t do much for someone who isn’t ready to change.

An empath’s increased sensitivity doesn’t just relate to emotions. There’s a lot of overlap between empaths and people who are highly sensitive, and you might find that you’re also more sensitive to the world around you.

This could mean:

  • Fragrances and odors affect you more strongly.
  • Jarring sounds and physical sensations may affect you more strongly.
  • You prefer to listen to media at low volumes or get information by reading.
  • Certain sounds may trigger an emotional response.

It should be noted that covert narcissists, also known as vulnerable narcissists, are also highly sensitive. They may appear to be empaths to manipulate others.

“Heightened sensitivity to other people’s pain can be draining, so empaths may find themselves easily fatigued,” Sueskind says.

Even an overload of positive feelings might exhaust you, so it’s important to take the time you need to reset.

If you can’t escape overwhelming emotions and rest your senses, you’re more likely to experience burnout, which can have a negative impact on well-being.

Needing time alone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an introvert. Empaths can also be extroverts, or fall anywhere on the spectrum. Maybe people energize you — until you reach that point of being overwhelmed.

Extroverted empaths may need to take extra care to strike the right balance between spending time with others and restoring their emotional reserves.

If you’re an empath, you likely dread or actively avoid conflict.

Higher sensitivity can make it easier for someone to hurt your feelings. Even offhand remarks might cut more deeply, and you may take criticism more personally.

Arguments and fights can also cause more distress since you’re not only dealing with your own feelings and reactions. You’re also absorbing the emotions of the others involved. When you want to address everyone’s hurt but don’t know how, even minor disagreements can become harder to cope with.

Despite being highly attuned to the feelings of others, many empaths find it difficult to relate to others.

Others might not understand why you become exhausted and stressed so quickly. You might struggle to understand the emotions and feelings you absorb or feel like you aren’t “normal.” This may lead you to become more private. You might avoid talking about your sensitivities and sharing your intuitions so you feel less out of place.

It’s never easy to feel like you don’t belong, but try to see your ability to deeply empathize with others as something special. It may not be common, but it’s an important part of who you are.

Isolation can help empaths recover from overwhelm, so completely shutting out the world may seem healing. But prolonged isolation can take a toll on mental health.

There are different types of isolation, and some may offer more restorative benefits than others. Try taking your time alone outdoors when possible and meditate in a quiet park, walk in the rain, take a scenic drive, or garden.

Boundaries are important in all relationships.

If you’re an empath, you may struggle to turn off the ability to feel and find it impossible to stop giving, even when you have no energy left. You might believe boundaries suggest you don’t care about your loved ones when the exact opposite is true.

Because the experiences of others have such an intense impact on empaths, boundaries become even more essential. They help you set limits around words or actions that may affect you negatively, allowing you to get your own needs met.

When you start to feel unable to decipher your emotions from those of others, it may be time to explore healthy boundary setting with a therapist.

Deeper emotional understanding can drive your intuition, and you likely pick up on things other people miss or make connections that aren’t clear to anyone else.

But this increased connection to the world can also have drawbacks. Environments that don’t provide much space for emotional expression can dampen your creativity and sensitivity, Egel says, leaving you disinterested, disengaged, and struggling to thrive.

It can be difficult for empaths to protect themselves from taking on other people’s emotions, Sueskind says.

Good self-care practices and healthy boundaries can help insulate you, particularly from negative emotions and energy. But the emotional “noise” of the world can cause significant distress when you lack the tools to manage it.

There are different types of empaths, including emotional, physical, and intuitive empaths.

Emotional empath

This type of empath is highly sensitive to the emotions of other people.

For example, when another person is sad or happy, an emotional empath also becomes sad or happy.

Physical empath

Physical empaths are very sensitive to the pain and illnesses of others.

They may even experience empathic illnesses or symptoms that are not actually their own.

Intuitive empath

People who are intuitive empaths are extremely perceptive.

Although there is no scientific evidence to support it, intuitive empaths may believe they are psychic or telepathic. Some may think they are able to communicate with plants and animals.

If you are an empath, setting healthy, clear boundaries can help reduce distress, Egel suggests. “You must know how to preserve yourself so you don’t get your energy and emotional reserves swallowed up,” she says.

You can also try taking some of the following steps to help protect your psyche:

  • If people drain you easily, consider adding a pet to your life. Empaths may connect to animals more intensely and draw deep comfort from this bond.
  • If you’re struggling to manage overstimulation on your own, and it affects your quality of life or keeps you from relationships and other personal goals, a therapist can help you learn to develop boundaries and identify helpful self-care approaches.
  • To emotionally decompress, take frequent short breaks during the day to meditate, go for a walk, or do another stress-reducing activity.
  • Build your sense of self awareness by paying attention to your own feelings and the characteristics defining you.
  • Try to maintain a positive outlook. Avoid negative people and negativity in general.
  • Boost your self esteem by repeating positive affirmations.

Remember, your needs and emotions are just as important as the ones you pick up in everyone around you.

The following are some of the pros and cons of being an empath:

ProsCons
You sense when someone needs help.You may often feel emotionally exhausted
You help others by providing emotional support.You may spend more time focused on others rather than yourself
Because of your strong intuition, you may not easily be taken advantage of or tricked. Other people may be put off by your intuition

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

how to survive for people who feel everything

It is common to think that excessive emotional reactions are something to be dealt with, as they destroy relationships, provoke conflicts and become the cause of many other rash acts. However, the author of the book “I've had enough! How to live with emotional sensitivity ”Imi Lo thinks completely differently and says that people who live in the world of feelings and perceive everything around them through them can actually see and feel what others cannot see. To do this, you need to accept your high sensitivity and realize that this is not a weakness, but, on the contrary, a strength.

We tell you who emotionally sensitive people are and what advantages they have. nine0003

Imi Lo
Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2020

Who are emotionally sensitive people

An emotionally sensitive person in the most general sense is a person who has a greater range of emotions than anyone else, and perceives the world and the events taking place in it sharp, bright and sensual. There are five signs of emotional sensitivity:

  • Depth, intensity and complexity of emotions.

  • Increased empathy and sensitivity

  • High level of susceptibility.

  • Rich inner world filled with feelings and vivid imagination.

  • Creativity and existential anxiety.

These signs can determine whether you belong to the category of emotionally sensitive people.

Depth, intensity and complexity of emotions

If you are a person with high emotional sensitivity, it is as if you exist in the world of emotions and do not think of yourself beyond it. You perceive any events acutely, and you feel truly alive only when you feel something. At the same time, emotions can be not only bright, but also changeable: here you are at the peak of euphoria, and the next second you experience deep sadness. nine0009

Perhaps you approach everything with passion and can love strongly, grandiosely and without a trace, therefore, strive to create strong bonds with people, things and places, which makes it difficult to say goodbye to them, even if it is necessary.

Increased empathy and sensitivity

Probably from an early age you were interested in the lives of others, you were worried even about people who had nothing to do with you. You may also feel a stronger connection with animals and nature, the other person's inner world and their physical sensations. Surely it will not be difficult for you to understand what your interlocutor feels and why he feels this way - and you feel it so clearly that sometimes other people's experiences are perceived as your own. nine0009

You tend to be empathetic towards people, and in close relationships you can romanticize and idealize your friend or partner, forgiving him many shortcomings simply because you deeply feel his inner world. Moreover, some highly sensitive people have a low pain threshold, suffer from misophonia (intolerance to certain sounds), hyperacusis (sensitivity to certain frequencies and strengths of sound), and allergies.

High susceptibility

You do not tend to be satisfied with superficial knowledge, because thanks to empathy and sensuality, you can penetrate the very essence of things, see relationships and important details that many miss. Sometimes you can predict the occurrence of a certain event in advance, understand the state of a person long before he explains it himself, and also recognize true intentions.

True, the ability to anticipate something does not always play into your hands, since some images and possible scenarios influence you so strongly that you cannot get rid of obsessive thoughts and emotions. nine0009

Storytel is an international subscription audiobook service. The Storytel library contains audiobooks from almost all genres, from classics and non-fiction to lectures, stand-ups and podcasts. This is a service that solves the problem of reading. It lets you listen to audiobooks anytime, anywhere: while exercising, preparing meals, commuting to and from work, on the plane, before bed, and whenever you want. Storytel creates and records its own unique content - lecture projects, podcasts, audio series, and also collaborates with the best voices in the country. nine0009

Rich inner world and vivid imagination

A wide range of emotions gives rise to various images and associations that can be combined into metaphors, ideas, fantasies and whole worlds. You are probably very inquisitive, prone to constant reflection and searching for answers to questions, therefore you are attentive to the information that you study and to the people with whom you communicate. You may suffer from perfectionism, prone to excessive self-criticism.

When you read a book, watch a movie or a theatrical performance, then most likely the rest of the world ceases to exist for you - now there is only a fictional universe that you sensually explore and to which you vividly react. nine0009

Creativity and an existential crisis

Through insight, you may have often thought about the meaninglessness of existence, experienced fear of loneliness, and also annoyance that other people do not want to think about what is really important .

You often get hung up on thoughts about the transience of time and the finiteness of everything that exists, because of this you try to use every moment of life to the maximum, reach creative and career heights. Perhaps you have several hobbies, and you are absolutely not satisfied with the idea of ​​a meaningless life without any goals, aspirations and global desires. nine0009

Problems of highly sensitive people

A person who perceives the world vividly through feelings is often considered an emotionally immature person, since his reactions to various events seem excessive and inadequate to the situation. This really happens - for example, when it is necessary to resolve a conflict, and instead a person who is overwhelmed by emotions swears even more and does not want to find a way out of the situation.

But why is this happening? By and large, only because until the end of the 20th century, IQ was the only indicator of intelligence and giftedness. However, this coefficient took into account only the abilities of the mind, but did not at all reflect the ability of a person to perceive the world differently - through empathy, the ability to take the place of another, feel the mood of the interlocutor, see his intentions and potential hidden from the eyes of others. Therefore, in society, it was intelligence, analytical and linguistic abilities that became important, and not emotions and creativity. nine0009

It was only in the 1980s that scientists began to develop new models of giftedness, and this is how emotional intelligence appeared. Canadian psychologist François Gagne was the first to separate the concepts of giftedness and talent in his book The Differential Model of Giftedness and Talent. In his opinion, talent is something that develops over time through training and education, and giftedness is an innate ability, a predisposition to a certain activity. He divided abilities into five categories: intellectual, creative, socio-emotional, sensorimotor and others (psychic abilities are included here, but there may be many questions about them). Only along with this division came the understanding that giftedness is not only intellectual, and a person who does not have sufficient analytical abilities should not be considered stupid or mediocre. nine0009

Around the same time as Gagne, the American psychologist Howard Gardner developed the concept of multiple intelligences, which included, for example, social intelligence - how we build relationships with others - and intrapersonal intelligence - how we perceive ourselves and how inclined to self-reflection.

Despite all the advances in psychology and the active popularization of emotional intelligence, not everyone realizes how important emotions are. It is customary to develop intellect in children, but no one tells them how to perceive the world through the "wisdom of the heart." That is why especially sensitive, gifted children do not receive proper support, stop showing their emotions and, as a result, face a huge number of problems in adult life that result in conflicts, impulsive decisions and the inability to understand themselves and others. nine0009

Storytel is an international subscription audiobook service. The Storytel library contains audiobooks from almost all genres, from classics and non-fiction to lectures, stand-ups and podcasts. This is a service that solves the problem of reading. It lets you listen to audiobooks anytime, anywhere: while exercising, preparing meals, commuting to and from work, on the plane, before bed, and whenever you want. Storytel creates and records its own unique content - lecture projects, podcasts, audio series, and also collaborates with the best voices in the country. nine0009

How to deal with it

Truth Time Exercise

If you realize that you are experiencing a lot of emotions and cannot manage them, you are very likely to be trapped in prejudices, old traumas and beliefs that do not allow you to realize all your potential. The purpose of the exercise is to refer to unpleasant past events—for example, family experiences or embarrassing situations in society, among friends, or at work—in which you came to the conclusion that your emotions are wrong, and to understand why you think that sensitivity only bothers you. Here's what you need to do:

  • Take a diary and remember as many painful past events as you can. Do you have a tendency to minimize negative feelings? Or, for example, try to separate from your experiences, as if you do not want them to be yours?

  • Be honest with yourself and remember your childhood. How did your parents react to your sensitivity? Did they support her or, on the contrary, tried to suppress her? Did you receive support when you were sad, and if so, from whom? Could you experience your emotions with loved ones, or did you have to do it alone? nine0009

  • As you remember, pay attention to how your body reacts. Does your heart rate increase when you think about certain situations? Maybe your jaw or shoulders are tense? Emotions tend to show up outwardly, so pay attention to your body's signals.

In the process of this exercise, if you dig deep, it may become clear why you cannot accept and acknowledge your high sensitivity and, as a result, make it work for you. nine0009

Feel the events of the past

Some traumas from early childhood or just in the past can still cause negative feelings in us, such as sadness, anger, sadness or disappointment. It's okay to experience them, but if the events still seem painful, then you haven't let them go yet. So allow yourself to relive all the emotions, even though it may be unpleasant.

Think of all the situations that make you feel sad, toxic envy, anger or any other negative emotion. Try to feel it all over again, allow yourself to react exactly as you would react if you didn’t forbid yourself to freely express your feelings, even the most unpleasant and negative ones. As in the previous exercise, pay attention to the reaction of the body: is there a lump in your throat, are your cheekbones tense, do you feel like crying? And if so, then allow yourself to feel it all. Re-living emotions is like a way of healing and clearing out what has been bothering you for a long time. When you fully experience everything, it will be easier for you to let go of events and move on. nine0009

Exercise "Mental rehearsal"

When we are nervous, anticipating not the most pleasant or just exciting event, we begin to activate our defense mechanisms in advance so that the situation does not turn into a disaster for us. However, by winding ourselves up, we only make things worse, while the event may well turn out to be not as terrible as it seemed at first. To avoid misreactions, do the following:

  • Imagine an event that triggers your anxiety. Consider it in detail, but not from the point of view of a passive observer, but as an active participant. nine0009

  • Imagine all the possible scenarios in which this event could develop. Will people say things that will make you sad? Or maybe pissed off? Imagine everything that can provoke a strong emotional reaction in you - from the smallest troubles to the biggest.

  • Develop a plan for each option. What do you say if your relative gives unsolicited advice? What “mantra” will help you maintain your composure and not take it out on your loved ones? nine0009

  • Choose the most successful of all the strategies and imagine how you apply them in a particular situation.

  • Imagine all scenarios and solutions. Then you will be more prepared, and emotions will no longer control you, but you will use them for their intended purpose.

Building Your Own Altar Exercise

To feel confident alone with your emotions or in company, build a secure base of things, events, and objects that give you confidence and joy. This should include everything that seems stable and comfortable to you. To discover these things, ask yourself a few questions:

  • Analyze past events. What helped you to return to balance when shocking, traumatic events occurred?

  • What morning and evening rituals do you have that give you a sense of stability?

  • What brings you joy?

  • What can you control?

  • What kind of people support you in difficult times? In what ways do you feel confident? nine0009

When you collect all the answers to the questions, you will notice that you do not really face the world alone, and there are things, people and internal mechanisms that allow you to stay afloat and not be at the mercy of emotions so that they it was impossible to control.

What to do if you are too sensitive. And this is noticeable

Increased emotionality is no longer a sign of weakness - it is a feature of the psyche. The existence of highly sensitive people has been scientifically proven. In a world where more and more people cannot cope with stress, American psychologists are closely studying those who are especially prone to worry about any reason. "Lifestyle" offers to join them. nine0009

If you can't stand bright lights and turmoil around you, you can't watch horror movies, and after watching the news about an earthquake or a military conflict, you start crying out of pity for the victims, you are a highly sensitive person. According to the author of the term Elaine N. Aron, there are about 20% of people like you in the world. This means that it's time to stop hiding your feelings and no longer be ashamed of crying in the movies.

In today's Western world, it's a shame to be a weakling — and that's why we have to hide our feelings, constantly keep in good shape, pretend that we can live without lunch and sleep and work 12 hours a day, otherwise our colleagues will look askance at us , and the authorities - to make jokes about us. nine0009

In our country, it is not customary to be capricious, and that is why we are forced to agree to the conditions that we have, to work in a basement or open space, under the wind of an air conditioner, under the harsh light of fluorescent lamps and under the cries of colleagues from neighboring departments.

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Are we suffering from all this? Yes, we suffer. In general, we suffer from a lot of things: we can’t stand the feeling of hunger, we can’t watch films about the war, we don’t wear woolen clothes because they prick, we tear off the tags from T-shirts because they get in the way. We cannot work when it is cold, hungry or noisy, we react sharply to criticism and take any comments personally, we catch changes in the mood of others. It remains to say who we are. nine0009

We are highly sensitive people. Do not rush to laugh and call us sissies - and not only because it is very offensive to us.

Perhaps you, too, are one fifth of the world's population, which is characterized by a particularly sensitive processing of sensory information. Then you are one of us.

Perhaps you, too, were forbidden to watch the news program as a child, because they show war and starving children in Africa? Maybe you were dying of shame when a geographer slapped you a deuce once in your life? Maybe they hated running and, in general, any form of competition, when everyone is looking at you, and you run no more than a three? Maybe at school it was a real torment for you to raise your hand in class, even if you knew exactly the right answer? Maybe. Or maybe you have other examples from your childhood that will help you to say that you were a highly sensitive child and probably grew up to be a highly sensitive adult as well. nine0009

The term "highly sensitive person" was first used in its current sense by Dr. Elaine Aron, a scientist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, published in the United States in 1997. The hypothesis that high sensitivity to external stimuli is a feature inherent in about 20% of the inhabitants of the Earth was put forward by a psychologist twenty years ago.

However, the real interest in this idea has awakened among the public only now, when it became clear that more and more people can not cope with stress. nine0009

And I woke up just in time: for twenty years, Dr. Aron and her colleagues have conducted many studies that helped to understand what processes occur in the brain of a highly sensitive person, and to conclude that this feature is innate: certain parts of the brain of such a person react to external stimuli sharper than other, less sensitive people.

And not only negative ones, but also positive ones too. Yes, highly sensitive people feel acute discomfort in awkward situations. But brighter experience the pleasure of contemplating objects of art and views of nature, listening to music, communicating with pleasant people. nine0009

How to know that you are a highly sensitive person

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1. You have deep feelings

One of the main characteristics of highly sensitive people is the ability to deeply feel what is happening around. They have developed intuition, which allows them to be more perceptive than their less sensitive comrades.

2. You react more emotionally than others

Highly sensitive people experience more intense emotions and are often infected by the emotions of others. These are not necessarily close people, they can easily pick up a bad mood from a friend or take care of a colleague's problems. This makes them hate delivering bad news or making unpopular decisions – they worry about how others will react to it. nine0009

3. You are often told: “Don't take it personally.”

Sensitive people are treated differently in different cultures: if in the West emotionality is a manifestation of weakness, then in the East everything is not so simple.

Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, states based on his research that in India and Thailand, sensitive men are very rarely teased, while in North In America, men with a fine mental organization are often the objects of ridicule. nine0009

4. You prefer to exercise alone

Highly sensitive people hate team sports, according to Dr. Zeff. And our experience confirms this: such people like cycling, swimming or walking, but playing football or basketball causes them to panic.

However, there are exceptions: if such a person is lucky with smart and understanding parents, he may not be afraid to prove himself in a team.

5. You find it difficult to make basic decisions

Highly sensitive people are attentive to the details of the situation and the subtleties of circumstances. From this, they try to take everything into account and fall into a stupor, because there is too much of this.

Even the task of choosing an ice cream can confuse them. However, there is good news: having once understood how to behave in a certain situation, in similar conditions in the future, such a person, without getting lost, will immediately do the right thing. nine0009

6. You get upset when you make a mistake

Mistakes upset everyone, but highly sensitive people - especially: because of annoying little things and oversights that others have forgotten to even think about, they can suffer for weeks, imagining that they still remember the mistake.

7. You are an introvert

But there are exceptions: according to Dr. Aron, 30% of highly sensitive people are extroverts. This happens when a person grows up in a closed environment where everything is in plain sight, in a village, a small town, a religious community or a family of a public person. nine0009

8. You know how to work in a team

Paradoxically, the depth of experience makes highly sensitive people excellent workers. Only they should not take positions in which they must make final decisions: for example, if it is a doctor, he should have the opportunity to consult with colleagues before prescribing treatment.

9. You are prone to anxiety and depression

This only happens if you have experienced a lot of adversity in the past - but who among us is lucky to do without them at all? Shy people are often teased in childhood: if a highly sensitive person was not given proper support in childhood, he grows up with the feeling that the world is hostile, and only doctors and antidepressants can help here. nine0009

It is worth taking a closer look at your child: high sensitivity is often inherited.

10. You can't stand sharp sounds

Someone can't stand it when Styrofoam squeaks on glass. Someone - the sound of a perforator or drill. It annoys someone when others eat loudly: champing and smacking is really impossible to endure, why do people even allow themselves to eat with their mouths open ?!

11. You can't see the violence on the screen

A highly sensitive person cannot watch horror films about dismemberment, disaster films about drowning dogs, and arthouse about rape. Lars von Trier, Gaspar Noe and Michael Haneke are cinematic enemies.

Salo by Pier Paolo Pasolini? Look in your VGIK, and it’s enough for us to read the plot.

But you can watch Game of Thrones by closing your eyes in certain places, because the costumes are beautiful.

12. You can cry from scratch

When such a person is hurt to tears for some reason, he is really capable of bursting into tears. And, by the way, it costs him a lot of effort not to do this. A sad film (without violence), a touching commercial for a charity campaign, a story about a penguin who annually comes to the Brazilian (or Chilean?) who saved him - in general, anything can cause a surge of feelings.

13. You are very polite

Good manners are a hallmark of highly sensitive people: it is important for them not to hurt the feelings of others. They try not to inconvenience others: they regularly give up their seats on public transport, carefully place their carts in the supermarket, let people go ahead, and endlessly apologize and thank you. So sometimes it's even annoying. nine0009

14. You are sensitive to criticism

Highly sensitive people literally cannot stand criticism, taking it to heart. When their team is criticized, they take everything personally.

Because of this, they often use ridiculous defense mechanisms: they try to please everyone in advance, they criticize themselves, they avoid everything that can be a source of criticism.

Dr. Aron claims that self-defense such people use the following methods, which may seem strange to most: minimizing contact, blaming, trying to achieve too high a result, resentment, projecting, refusal to compete. nine0009

15. You can’t work in an open office

Open space is a nightmare for any office employee: noise, bright light that not everyone can stand, constant flickering, talking on the phone, arguments and extraneous smells - all this makes you a highly sensitive person's head is spinning, but it does not work out in any way. He is generally incapable of working under pressure: maybe someone needs a good kick to start working, but not for him.

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10 Rules for a Highly Sensitive Person

1. Remember that you are not alone and that what happens to you is normal.

2. Avoid people you don't like.

3. Avoid situations that make you tired.

4. Don't overload your schedule - otherwise you can fall off at the most inopportune moment.

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