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Catastrophizing in relationships


How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship [2022]

If you would like more peace of mind in your relationships and reduce feelings of anxiety, insecurity, or jealousy, then this article is exactly what you are looking for. You may be asking yourself, “How to stop overthinking in a relationship?”

Well, let’s get right into the 10 strategies that will help you with how to stop overthinking in a relationship!

Table of Contents:

  • Strategy 1: Gain awareness
  • Strategy 2: Develop Trust
  • Strategy 3: Share With Your Partner
  • Strategy 4: Be Clear With Yourself About What It Is You Really Need in a Relationship
  • Strategy 5: Make Positivity A Habit
  • Strategy 6: Be Present
  • Strategy 7: Fill Your Time
  • Strategy 8: Start Journaling
  • Strategy 9: Find Outside Support
  • Strategy 10: Get Counseling

Strategy 1: Gain Awareness Into Why You Overthink 

The first step to stop overthinking in your relationship is to begin discovering why you feel the urge to overthink in the first place. One of the unique qualities of humans is that we have the ability to think about and observe our own thoughts and feelings. 

Each time you find yourself starting to overthink, ask yourself some of the following questions:

  • What emotions am I feeling right now?
  • How do these feelings feel in my body (tight stomach, rapid breathing, etc)
  • What thoughts or worries are leading me to feel this way right now?

Step one is to discover the root fears and thoughts that trigger your habit of overthinking. Below are three main reasons why you may overthink.

Overthinking Is How You Learned To Cope

When we feel anxious, our body naturally implements coping mechanisms to alleviate the perceived danger. In the case of relationships, being highly invested in a specific outcome for a relationship but feeling uncertain of a successful outcome, can produce overwhelming feelings. You may be using overthinking as a way to gain control and alleviate the anxiety that this uncertain situation brings. 

Ask yourself the questions below to help you identify what fears overthinking is currently helping you cope with.

  • What outcomes are you afraid will happen? 
  • What outcomes are you trying to achieve?
  • How does overthinking help you to cope? 

To learn better strategies for coping with stress and anxiety, check out our blog Anxiety in Teens: How to Identify Anxiety and Beat it FAST [2022]

Overthinking Is Rooted In Control

Some ways of thinking and behaving can make life easier and some can make life more difficult. One thought pattern that can create turmoil in your life is the belief that you have the ability to control certain events external to yourself.

You would probably agree that it’s silly to believe you can control the weather. But many people who overthink believe they can control what their partner chooses to do (and the outcomes of the relationship) by hyper-analyzing specific parts of the relationship.  

Believing we can control events that are not truly under our control is a recipe for anxiety. We want to get an overall understanding of how to stop overthinking in a relationship. To stop overthinking in relationships, it’s important to identify and accept the things that are and are not in your locus (or area) of control. 

For Example: Suppose your partner isn’t very good about answering their phone or responding to text in a timely manner. When they don’t reply after a few hours, it begins to make you worry that they are abandoning you, or that they don’t care anymore. 

In situations like these, it may be helpful to get out a piece of paper and write out what you can and cannot control. 

You CAN’T make your partner respond more quickly. You also CAN’T make them remember to charge their phone in the evenings so it’s not dead when you call them. 

But you CAN take ownership of your feelings and implement new tools to help you cope more effectively when you are feeling anxious. And you CAN share your feelings with your partner and request that they respond more quickly in the future. 

Overthinking Is Rooted In Insecurity 

Overthinking in a relationship often has its roots in your past. There was most likely someone you deeply cared about but the relationship didn’t work out the way you hoped. 

You may not have known why the relationship failed and you may have felt abandoned. You may have experienced a profound amount of grief, loneliness, or pain surrounding the loss of this person. 

You can become overwhelmed at the thought of the relationship unexpectedly ending in a similar way to your past experience. This leads to an attempt to reduce the likelihood of this happening by overanalyzing. 

However, when you try to control every element of an interaction, it can often make your partner feel smothered and claustrophobic. This can actually end up pushing them away, bringing about the very situation you had hoped to avoid.  

Strategy 2: Develop Trust

Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship. The problem is that many people who overthink relationships ultimately do so because they lack trust in their partner. 

If your partner has a history of cheating, lying, or being manipulative, then you may have legitimate reasons to overthink what is said. If this is the case, your overthinking will stop when your partner stops the untrustworthy behaviors or you decide it’s best to end the relationship. 

Assuming your partner is trustworthy, it is a good practice to ask them what they meant and then take them at their word. If your partner is straightforward with you, then work on believing what they say. 

Take some time to think about their character. Are they really the type of person who would do XY or Z? For most overthinkers, the answer is “No, my partner hasn’t done that before and I don’t really think they would do it in the future. ” 

Many times overthinkers can have difficulty trusting because they infer their past onto the future. However, just because something painful happened yesterday has no bearing on whether or not it will happen tomorrow.

If your partner has shown themself to be worthy of your trust, practice giving it to them. When you can rely on your partner’s words and character, you won’t feel the same need to overthink things as much.  

Strategy 3: Share With Your Partner

Many times overthinking in a relationship is partly due to a lack of communication. You have to wonder what they are thinking or planning because you haven’t spoken with them about it. Does your partner even know that you are feeling insecure? Take some time to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Ask them what they meant when they said XYZ or did 123. Most of the time this can answer your question of how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

Strategy 4: Be clear with yourself about what it is you really need in a relationship

Overthinking in a relationship is often due to a poor understanding of your own needs.  

When you begin to overthink something that is happening in your relationship, ask yourself, “what need do I currently have that is going unmet?” 

This can help you communicate with your partner. Instead of bringing up all the problems with your partner (which is a fantastic recipe for an argument) you can explain to your partner what your specific needs are. You can ask if they are willing to fill this need for you. 

Here is a great outline to use when voicing your needs. 

WHEN: When your voice is raised

I FEEL: I feel put down and diminished

I WANT: and it would mean a lot to me if you would work on voicing your concerns more calmly or being more mindful of not raising your voice. 

When you use the When, I Feel, I Want method of sharing your needs, it identifies behavior YOU DON’T LIKE, but it doesn’t condemn or blame your partner. This helps to keep them from getting defensive in the conversation.  

Remember, in a healthy relationship, asking to get your needs met has nothing to do with proving who is right or wrong. It just means you’re sharing with your partner the things that are hurtful to you and the things that you would find deeply meaningful. Make discussing needs a staple in your relationship communication. 

Strategy 5: Make Positivity A Habit

Sometimes we overthink because we are overly attuned to the possibility of negative outcomes. Focusing on the positive doesn’t mean pretending something is good when it isn’t. Keeping your mind off the question of how to stop overthinking in a relationship and replacing it with positivity will improve your overall mood.

Focusing on and thinking about positive things means identifying parts of the relationship that really are positive. Many times, things are a lot better than we realize because we are catastrophizing. 

Catastrophizing is an irrational thought pattern where someone habitually assumes the worst possible outcome will take place in any given situation and/ or takes one small thing their partner does and make it into a RELATIONSHIP ENDING crisis in your mind.  

Take some time to be aware of your thoughts. Each time you have one anxious thought, add to it one positive thought. 

To learn more about irrational thought patterns, check out this article → HERE

Strategy 6: Be Present

Anxious thoughts and feelings are often rooted in fears of what will happen in the future. Emotions like sadness, guilt, shame, and condemnation are frequently rooted in the past. Everything you can directly control exists in the present moment. 

That means you also have the ability to act in ways that reduce anxious thoughts in the present moment. You are powerless to control any possible outcomes at other points in time which exacerbate anxious feelings. 

This isn’t just about distracting yourself from thinking about these things, but to help yourself learn that there are more important things than what may or may not happen in the future. 

Here are a few things you can do to develop the habit of presentness: 

  1. Learn to identify what anxiousness feels like and use that as a cue to begin being present.  
  1. Get in touch with your body. What does it feel like when you are anxious and what does your body feel like when you are present? ( What does your head feel like (fuzzy, clear, racing, etc.)? How does your stomach feel (nauseous, tense, etc.)? What do your legs feel like (jittery, still, etc.)?
  2. Tune in to what is happening around you. 
  3. Begin taking note of what thoughts are in your mind. What are your thoughts focused on? Which do you want to keep and which do you want to let go of?

You can also check out our Free guided mindfulness exercises → HERE

Strategy 7: Fill Your Time

It’s much more difficult to sit around anxiously analyzing who said what and what it means if you don’t have the time to sit around. Try to fill your time with a productive activity that isn’t centered around the relationship you are overthinking. 

Take some time to start a project, look for new hobbies, go hiking. Even better, find a group of friends to get together with that enjoy some of the things you like to do. 

Creating your own daily routines and rituals (that you find calming and that you have control over) can also ground you throughout the day by giving you a sense of normality regardless of what else may happen.

Strategy 8: Start Journaling 

It can be difficult to begin identifying your fears, insecurities, and needs to control certain aspects of your relationships. Oftentimes people think they understand their own thoughts and feelings completely.  Usually, the opposite is true. Your brain is like a bowl of spaghetti noodles when thinking about how to stop overthinking in a relationship. You might feel as though you know what’s in there, but really all the noodles are tangled up, messy, and unclear. 

Journaling works a lot like therapy. It forces you to pull each noodle (thought) out one at a time and write it down. Once you have each noodle clearly identified and written down right in front of you, you will find more clarity on the problems you are facing.

When you begin writing in a journal, be on the lookout for some of the following points:

  • What triggers your feelings of ___?
  • What are the original causes of these feelings and the impulse to overthink?
  • Are you engaging in any unhelpful thinking patterns?
  • What solutions can you implement to begin counteracting these impulses?

Strategy 9: Find Outside Support

One of the most effective ways to stop overthinking is to feel that people understand your point of view, your worries, and your fears. This is especially true with people who are outside the relationship you are overthinking in. 

When you share your thoughts and feelings with someone outside of your relationship it can help you get a view of the issue from an outside perspective which often helps you to break free of your existing psychological cycles.  

It can be healing to learn that others have experienced the same things as you and have found solutions from overthinking their relationships in their own lives. Sharing with others removes the sense of isolation that often accompanies issues like anxiety and overthinking. This makes you feel like you are not the only one dealing with how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

Naming the problem and sharing it out loud with other people can help cut the issue down to size. 

Strategy 10: See a Therapist

People don’t just need therapists for severe problems. Many people like to share their thoughts with a listening ear and discover new tools and strategies to help them thrive in their lives and relationships. 

Additionally, if you have tried to implement these or other suggestions and you don’t feel like you have the ability to get a handle on your habit of overthinking, there may be something else going on.  

For example, if you had a parental figure that inconsistently provided love and emotional support in your childhood, you may have developed an anxious attachment style. Those with anxious attachment styles often fear abandonment in those around them, even if it’s irrational. This (and other causes) can lead to overthinking in a relationship. If this is the case, it’s probably a great idea to talk to a therapist. 

For more information on anxious attachment styles check out this quick video → HERE

That brings us to the end of How To Stop Overthinking A Relationship.

How To Beat Catastrophizing in a Relationship

In This Article

Do you or your partner ever blow things up, way out of proportion?  Or have irrational or exaggerated thoughts about every little thing that happens in your life?

Two forms of catastrophizing

Catastrophizing can take many forms, but here are two simple examples.   First, it can be in the form of having an irrational thought and believing something is far worse than it actually is. Second, it can be blowing up a current situation or catastrophizing out of a future situation that hasn’t even happened.

How is catastrophizing different from an actual threat

Here are some things we need to know.   

Our brains don’t always know the difference between catastrophizing (imagining a threat) and an actual real threat.   

What ends up happening is that we begin with just a simple irrational thought and this thought sends our brain into overstress mode.   We then attach an emotion to this irrational thought, such as; fear or danger. Now, this thought is definitely not going anywhere. This thought now becomes a “what if situation”.   Here, in the “what ifs” we begin to play around with all kinds of catastrophizing scenarios. Basically, our brain has now been hijacked and we are in panic mode and we have no other choice but to catastrophize this situation.

Here is an example: I went to my doctor’s appointment today.   It went well but my doctor wants me to do some blood work. Wait, now I’m nervous!  Why does he want me to do blood work? What if he thinks I have some horrible disease?  What if he thinks I am dying? OMG! What if I am dying?

If this sounds like you or your partner, here are some steps to help STOP CATASTROPHIZING –

1. Challenge the “what if “ thoughts

Ask yourself if the thought is serving me a purpose?  Is this thought healthy? Is there actual evidence that these thoughts are true?   If the answer is no, don’t give that thought another second of your time. Replace that thought, distract yourself, or simply keep repeating this thought is not true.  Sometimes we need to challenge these irrational thoughts and bring ourselves back to the present where we are in power of our thoughts.

2. Play out the “what if “thoughts

Play out this irrational and catastrophizing event. So I go to do blood work and something isn’t right.  What happens then? Will I be ok? Will the doctor have some suggestions to fix things? Sometimes we forget to play out these scenarios to the very end.  What likely will happen in the end is that we will be ok and there will be a solution. Perhaps something shows up on your blood work there is a good possibility a vitamin or supplement can help.  We tend to forget to play out the scenario all the way to end and remind ourselves we will be ok.

3. Ask yourself about how you handled stressful and uncomfortable situations

More than likely you have handled many many stressful and uncomfortable situations in your life.  So how did you do? Let’s go back and remind ourselves we can handle tough times and, lets pull from those resources and tools we used then and use them again now.

4. Be patient

Catastrophizing is a way of thinking.  It takes time to shift how we think. The biggest thing you can do for yourself is being aware of your thinking and be patient with yourself.  These things take time. With awareness and, practice things can change.

5. Get support

Sometimes catastrophizing gets the best of us.   It can create anxiety and dysfunction in our lives and relationships.   It might be time to seek out professional help and resources to assist you in working through so thoughts and feelings.  

 

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Disasters in a relationship begin at the moment when one thinks that their relationship is perfect, and the second cries at night. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the second does not want to return from work. — Discuss

Disasters in relationships begin at the moment when one thinks that their relationship is perfect, and the other cries at night. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the second does not want to return from work. — Discuss

Ta

Tatyana

Disasters in relationships begin at the moment when one thinks that their relationship is perfect, and the second cries at night. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the second does not want to return from work. night moment Job attitude tea kitchen catastrophe nine0003

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Answers

A AND

The causes of most disasters lie in the action or inaction at the stages of preparation for a particular enterprise. In other words, in the inability, incompetence of the subject in any business begun by him.

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Alexander Pilyukov

love - there is already war and blood .... even at the cellular level, each person has his own speed of the course of nervous processes ... one wants to walk, the other wants to sleep . ..

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OO

Olga Opekunova

It turns out.. there is no mutual understanding .., they cannot express their dissatisfaction.. or vice versa happy moments from closeness ..

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AX

Andrey Khalfin

This is not the beginning, this is closer to the end... The beginning is indifference to the inner world, state, desires, dreams of the other half...))

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Baron De Hoffmannsthal

But no! This is the end of the disaster! The beginning is when, when entering into marriage, they think of anything but the head!

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Vovochka Bacca

A disaster in such relationships begins much earlier. .. they just prefer not to see it...

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SE

Evil Elf

Their relationship came to naught when both realized that their own problems were more important than common ones

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PE

Pyotr Ermakov

Do not be upset - EVERYTHING is fixable .... The main thing is to respect yourself!

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DN

Danil Nikitin

and cuckolds those who are contented sitting at home and drinking tea

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Na

Hope

This is not the beginning of a disaster, this is already a logical conclusion.

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Alexander Kuzmin

yeah! And as the sun goes down, it gets dark.

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PU

Undermining the Foundations

Yeah, the unpleasant feeling of not wanting to go home.

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Sergey..

This is an illusion of relationship! And each other's torment....(*

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VV

Viktor Viktorovich

not only
I know many types of disasters

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GK

Georgy Kalinin

Are you talking about gay families? Found someone to feel sorry for. ..

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Victor

One does meanness and does not understand it

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PL

Past Summer

What are you saying about family dramas in the morning!?...

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Tatyana Morozova

and this is not a moment, but an acquired situation...(

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Yuri Bondarev

Most catastrophes are fictional.

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Nikola Mahkov

-we agree!-experienced this!--

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Next page

90,000 Disasters in a relationship begin at the moment when one thinks their relationship is perfect, and the other cries at night. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the other does not want to return from work. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the second does not want to return from work .. - Discuss nine0002 Alya

Disasters in relationships begin at the moment when one thinks that their relationship is perfect, and the second cries at night. Or one sits in the kitchen and drinks enough tea, and the second does not want to return from work .. night moment Job attitude tea kitchen catastrophe

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Answers

Konstantin Gerasimov

catastrophes are a consequence of previously damaged relationships, they both screwed up, damn it. First one. then, in retaliation, another and came to the conclusion that there was nothing to talk about. And now everyone is returning to their beloved home like hard labor. There is no intimacy in relationships at all, life is in the neighborhood. Yes, it will work for some time, and then comes the ass in the relationship and continuous scandals for no reason. The main thing here is to decide how expensive the person who is nearby is, if it’s still expensive and very, then give up on everything, hold hands and move forward together. Anyway, everything in this life is known in comparison, and if you still stay together, then each of the two is the best In comparison with others. Something like this. Happiness to you. Sincerely. nine0003

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Irina Efremova

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Vladimir Kalushnii

It's just terrible. ..I understand everything perfectly...just had to go through something like that. But the result was still the same ... a disaster ensued. It's a pity that they stole each other's time.

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nine0002 Irina Efremova

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Lyubov Volynskaya

Yes, Irina ((... YES. It's better to quarrel, then JUST kiss each other and the world. Then in PEACE and discuss everything, if necessary. And in this version - DISASTER.

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Irina Efremova

nineteen0003

Lydia

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Anna

no. When people start to think that the second half should guess what the first half thinks or does not listen to what they say

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Sher Isamatov

*)))) I imagined a picture - a man, sitting in the kitchen, eating dryers, drinking warm vodka and crying in three streams ... *)))

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Alya

1

Sher Isamatov

*))))

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Alya

1

VP

Vyacheslav Podolsky

Yes, it happens. One of the skin climbs, and the other is looking for an excuse, for a scandal and runs hooves apart on side

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Alya

Both are always to blame.

1

VP

Vyacheslav Podolsky

I don't know a miracle that did not consider itself guilty, everything except this ghoul

1

Cinema

Ooooh! Yeah! You approach the door. ... and you think - to enter or turn around and leave. .. nine0003

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Cinema

I know that everything is ahead of me. .,)))

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Alya

God forbid.

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Cinema

Just, I know it. .... Happiness to you, dear)))

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nine0002 Alya

Thank you. Mutually.

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Cinema

1

Muza

Yeah, you won't envy. They live together and apart. One is a vampire, the other is a victim.

0

Alya

Or vice versa.

1

Muza

yes

1

Alya

1

MK

March Koshka

IRINA! RECENTLY THE SAME CAT.! BLACK CAT! -WRITTEN. WHO SLAMZED WHO??

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Fox Fire

They rolled it up on the Internet... Martha, stop it

1

Irina Efremova

Nobody at anybody!!! Inet is common ... for everyone !!!

1

Andrey Berzenin

If there is a disaster in a relationship, then it began immediately after meeting.

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nine0002 De

Denis

So that there would be no such disasters, we need to talk

0

Alya

There is no one to leave children with.

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De

Denis

Children are sacred!

1

Alya

Exactly. nine0003

1

De

Denis

Though you could use some fun!! And we, all who went with me, slept for half a day, apparently breathed in the mountain air!

1

Alya

Cool.

1

Andrey Gubarev

I have a crisis now. nine0003

0

Irina Efremova

something needs to be changed!

1

Andrey Gubarev

Rather someone.

1

Irina Efremova

is also an option!

1

Andrey Gubarev

It sucks that the second time. Maybe I'm fucked up?

1

Irina Efremova

Everything that is done, everything is for the better . ... EVERYTHING WILL GO GOOD!!!

1

Andrey Gubarev

1

Olga

This is not life - a complete misfortune. nine0003

0

Irina Efremova

1

Alexander Ukolov

Again the men are to blame for everything...

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Alexander Ukolov

do not look for the guilty, look around

nineteen0003

Alya

Well, look. I don't need to be told what I want. Everything is fine in me without your nose in my life.

1

Alexander Ukolov

your life seems not only to me NOT INTERESTED

1

Alya

Then don't be smart with me. Go in peace, but away from me.

1

Alexander Ukolov

yes yes good luck

1

MG

Mad Ghost Mad Ghost

well, bad) something needs to be changed)

0

Alya

Is it that important? Kuban.

1

nine0002 MG

Mad Ghost Mad Ghost

just wondering) Take care black cat)

1

Alya

Did you prophesy some joys for me?))))

1

MG

Mad Ghost Mad Ghost

love and goodness to you) take care of yourself

nineteen0003

Alya

And all the best to you

1

Lo

Lord

You speak correctly woman

0

Alya

Thank you.

1

Lo

Lord

Are these your words or someone else's?

1

Alya

I don't know how to be short.

1

Natalia Goncharenko

means something needs to be decided

0

Alya

I don't want anyone else. She got used to it. And such that he took in his strong hands and I felt weak - no.

1

Natalia Goncharenko

same song!

1

Alya

This is the trouble of modern men.

1

Natalia Goncharenko

sadness

1

Alya

nine0275 Yes. Highly.

1

Adam Adamyan

0

MK

March Koshka

OH YES KISA. SO IT IS

0

Alya

Thank you.

1

nine0002 TP

Tatyana Preobrazhenskaya

Need to communicate more

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Irina Efremova

What does more mean?.

Learn more