Relationship improvement plan


10 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Relationship

Relationships

written by CHRISTINA HUYNH

    Source: cottonbro | Pexels

    Whether you’ve been dating your partner for a few months or have been married for five years, healthy relationships are built from commitment, mutual respect, and effort. While you probably felt an immediate and effortless spark when you first met, it takes work to maintain that spark as your relationship develops—but don’t worry, it will be the most fun and rewarding work you’ll ever do. While every relationship is different, you can always work to improve your bond, friendship, and intimacy. Try these 10 things to improve your relationship RN.

     

    1. Ask your partner something new

    Communication is arguably the #1 determining factor of success for every relationship. It’s nice to ask how your partner’s day went, but it can feel routine when you ask the same thing every day or don’t branch out into new topics of conversation. Enhance your relationship and communication by putting in the extra effort to question your significant other on something more specific. By asking new questions (like “How did you feel about that?” or “What do you prefer doing at work instead?”), you’ll avoid going through the motions, listen more intently to each other, and have more meaningful discussions.

     

    2. Designate a monthly date night

    Between both of your busy schedules and nonstop responsibilities, the most foolproof way to guarantee that you’ll make time for each other is to set a night every month dedicated to strengthening your connection and reigniting that spark. Whether you’re looking to spice up your relationship or want to do something together that doesn’t include Netflix, schedule a date. The connection from even one night out can have long-term effects.

     

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    3.

    Say “thank you”

    Especially in relationships that have gone on for years and have fallen into routines, we can get so comfortable that we expect our partners to meet all of our needs, whether it’s how they treat us or the daily chores they do. Saying a simple “thank you” for cleaning the dishes after dinner or giving you a compliment enforces their good behavior and makes them feel appreciated as well as helps you remember why you love them. It’s also important to express appreciation and gratitude for them being in your life and how much they mean to you (and not just what they do for you).

     

    4. Schedule a check-in

    Scheduling might not seem very sexy and spontaneous, but making sure you’re regularly checking in with each other will keep your relationship strong. It can be easy to let annoyance after annoyance build up until it gets to a full-blown fight, so checking in means fewer fights, more communication, and better connection. After all, a relationship is just two people trying to get their needs met. Use a check-in to discuss any recent triggers, problems, and even all the good things that deserve recognition too. Try doing this monthly, weekly, or even daily, and put it on your calendars so you don’t forget or skip it.

     

    5. Remember the small things

    Another way to add meaning to your conversation is to truly listen to what your significant other is saying and then bring up those little things again in the future. For example, if your partner mentions a new pair of shoes that they want, take note of it to gift it to them for their birthday coming up, or if your significant other says they want to try a restaurant you haven’t been to, suggest it for your next date night or surprise them with takeout. The fact that you pay attention to and remember even the minor details that your partner says will show how much you listen, care, and want them to feel loved. Overall, it’s the little things that mean the most.

     

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    6. Let go of the past

    As a culprit for many potential arguments and the underlying issue for future ones, what happens in the past doesn’t always stay there. But it’s difficult to move forward in a relationship when you’re still thinking about past fights, problems, or issues that you’ve already resolved. If you find yourself continuing to dwell on the past, it might be a sign to take a step back and consider why. Are you naturally less forgiving or is what happened something you can’t seem to forgive? By focusing on the reason for this recurring feeling, you’ll find more clarity within yourself and about what you want from the relationship with your partner.

     

    7. Show your affection

    From grabbing your partner’s hand at a restaurant to going to bed together at the end of the night, you know how you feel about your partner, but they should be able to feel it as well. Physical touch goes a long way in keeping romance and connection alive in long-term relationships. Try to avoid physical touch routines, meaning the only physical touch in your daily life is a kiss goodbye or a hug hello (though these are also important gestures). In addition to your hellos and goodbyes, hug them unexpectedly, hold their hand in the car or while watching TV, or even just pat them on the arm to feel close. Physical closeness can translate to emotional closeness.

     

    8. Learn your partner’s boundaries

    Does your partner wish to be left alone when they’re upset? Do they mind that you want to text all day long, or do they prefer you call them when you’re apart at night? Is there a certain way they prefer to argue or certain topics they’re not comfortable discussing with you yet? These questions are simple, but the answers to them will help you understand your partner’s boundaries (and stop you from crossing them). Overall, your partner’s needs are most likely different from yours, and knowing their boundaries is the best way to respect them. Have conversations to explain your boundaries to each other, but also pay attention and ask questions to understand them better.

     

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    9. Laugh together

    Relationships are just friendships with exclusivity. Loving each other is crucial, and liking each other is important too. While the life-partner stuff (like dividing chores) or the romantic stuff (like holding hands) might be top priorities to improve your relationship, remember that the friendship stuff is just as important. Laugh together at least once every day, whether it’s sharing a funny story that happened to you at the grocery store, bringing up an inside joke, or watching the show that makes you both laugh out loud. Laughing not only bonds us but also helps us remember that the point of being in a relationship is to enjoy the person we love.  

     

    10. Make time to focus on yourself

    How we feel about ourselves is how we’ll act in a relationship. For example, if you lack confidence in yourself, you’ll look for assurance in your relationship, or if you don’t like to be alone with yourself, you’ll need to be around your significant other 24/7. To prevent any toxic behaviors, it’s essential to have a strong sense of self: Invest in a new hobby, make plans with some friends, and take steps in discovering who you are as a person. By falling in love with yourself, you’ll naturally become the best version of yourself for the person who is falling in love with you.

     

     

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    23 Little Ways To Improve Your Relationship

    Sex & Relationships

    by Lea Rose Emery and Carolyn Steber

    Updated: 

    Originally Published: 

    Lucas Ottone/Stocksy

    No matter how strong your connection is as a couple, maintaining that spark is crucial. Without ongoing effort, you and your partner might eventually find yourselves stuck in a loop of recurring problems, or living in a boring routine that winds up driving you apart. But all of that can be prevented if you look for little ways to improve your relationship, every day.

    "A healthy relationship is one based in trust and security, [which is why] small gestures are a great way to keep these two things strong," Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a relationship expert and certified sex therapist, tells Bustle. Unlike grand, sweeping gestures that happen once a year, frequent, small moments of love show that you're always prioritizing each other.

    It's often in the seemingly insignificant moments that you feel closest. "For example, during the workday, checking in with your partner, sending them an emoji, or taking a few minutes to chat," Overstreet says.

    Continuously making an effort also means you get to create the type of relationship you want, Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. They offer the chance to be intentional every day, instead of letting your relationship happen to you, over time.

    If you want to stay happy and connected, remember it's the little shifts — the small moments — that make the biggest difference. Here are 23 ways to make your relationship stronger, according to experts.

    1

    Use "I" Phrases

    If you and your partner tend to spiral into toxicity during arguments, experts says you may want to stop using "you" phrases — such as, "you did this" or "you made me feel" — and start using "I" phrases.

    "Leading with the word 'you' nearly instantly creates a defensive posture in your partner, who then goes into a strategy to defend themselves the minute you stop talking," Deborah E. Dyer, PhD, a psychologist, tells Bustle. But this simple switch can make all the difference.

    "By owning your own thoughts and feelings about the situation," Dyer says, "you immediately reduce the defensiveness in your partner because they aren't feeling blamed or criticized." And from there, you can have more productive conversations.

    2

    Pay Attention To Small Moments

    It's easy to overlook little things, like saying good morning to each other, or hugging before going to bed. But Woodfin says these are some of the most important parts of the day.

    By savoring these moments, you'll both feel more "seen" and appreciated, which is a vital part of staying connected long-term.

    3

    Ask Questions Instead Of Assuming

    No matter how well you think you know your partner, it's dangerous to make assumptions about what they're thinking, especially during tough moments. "Mind reading usually leads to misunderstandings and hurt feelings," Sameera Sullivan, a psychologist and founder of Lasting Connections, tells Bustle. So the next time you aren't sure what they want or need, ask for clarification.

    4

    Call Time Outs

    If you find yourselves in the middle of a heated debate, and your tempers are flaring, don't be afraid to call a time-out before things go downhill.

    To do so, simply "state the importance of the conversation and the desire to come together again," Woodfin says. Something like, "I want to keep talking about this, but I'm getting too upset to think. I'm going to take a break for an hour, but let's meet back after that to continue talking."

    That way your partner knows they'll have another chance to be heard, but only after you've both given yourselves a chance to cool off.

    5

    Communicate Throughout The Day

    Whether it's sending a quick text, or calling to say hey, communicating on a regular basis is key. "When you take intentional moments throughout your day to communicate, this is an effective way to show your partner that you are thinking of them," Beverley Andre, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle.

    6

    Share When You're Feeling Down

    Whenever you're feeling vulnerable or upset, make an effort to open up and touch base with your partner, instead of holding it all in.

    “Real intimacy comes from letting your guard down and allowing your partner to witness you in a less than stellar light," Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle.

    Basically, you can take moments of struggle or doubt, and turn them into a bonding experience.

    7

    Schedule Sex

    It might sound strange, but ensuring you schedule time for sex — especially if you both tend o be too tired at the end of the week — might be the ticket to feeling closer as a couple.

    As Woodfin says, "With scheduling sex, you don't have to show up ready to go, but rather show up with an openness and willingness to try. It's very similar to that feeling before you go to the gym — you may not want to go beforehand, but as soon as you finish your workout you feel great, energized, proud. This is the same thing with sex."

    8

    Schedule Regular Date Nights

    Similarly, scheduling regular date nights is essential, Michelle Gallant, a relationship and dating coach, tells Bustle, if you want to maintain a strong, close connection.

    It's easy to get swept up with work and other obligations, but if you let the fun stuff slide — like going to the movies, meeting up for dinner, etc. — she says your relationship will start to crumble.

    9

    Do Something Scary

    Maybe it's hiking in the woods. Or performing at an open mic night. Or facing a fear of heights and riding a rollercoaster for the first time. Whatever it is, tackle something that scares you — together.

    "We learn the most about a person when they are placed in stressful situations; that’s when someone’s true colors show," Tiffany Toombs, a relationship expert and director at Blue Lotus Mind, tells Bustle.

    Plus, scary moments offer a chance to practice problem-solving, Toombs says, which will help you feel closer as a couple.

    10

    Be Present, Physically

    If you feel like you've gotten complacent, make more of an effort to be physical with your partner. "Make eye contact, [or] touch your partner’s arm or leg to let them know you’re 'with' them," Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, a couples therapist, tells Bustle. You could also sit closer on the couch while watching TV, or offer a hug. These are all easy ways boost intimacy in your relationship.

    11

    Check In Regularly

    Choose a time to have check-ins as a couple, whether it's daily, weekly, or monthly, and use this time to discuss the state of your relationship, Kate Ecke, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle.

    During the check in, you might chat about problems, triggers, or good things that have happened recently, that you'd both like to see more of in the future.

    12

    Maintain Shared Interests

    "In the beginning of relationships, we sometimes find it almost impossible to stay away from each other," Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher MA, CAGS, LMHC, a psychotherapist, tells Bustle. As time goes on, it's natural to drift apart, but you can stop that process in its tracks by purposefully doing more things together.

    "Find shared interests, even if you’re into different things," Weaver-Breitenbecher says. "Or find something new, something you’re both willing to try."

    13

    Figure Out Your "Love Language"

    Take a quiz online to figure out your love languages, so you can better cater to each other's needs.

    "For example, if your love language is quality time, discuss what that means for your partner specifically," Tyra Berger, MSMFT, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor, tells Bustle. What can they do — have meaningful conversations? hang out with you more often? — to help you feel loved.

    Then, figure out what they need, and do it often. "Practicing each other's love language will [you] stay connected and in tune with each other," Berger says.

    14

    Take Turns

    If you want your relationship to feel equal, there's a really simple trick you can use.

    "Take turns," Dr. Erika Martinez, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle. "Whether it's planning date night, cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry, taking turns divides the responsibility, creates more equality in the relationship, and helps keep these tasks from feeling like a burden, which also fends off feelings of resentment down the line."

    15

    Take A Daily Walk

    Whether you go for a walk in the morning, on your lunch breaks, or after dinner, fitting 15 minutes of outdoor time into your day can do wonders for your relationship.

    During your walk, "talk about what's working well in your relationship, what's not working, and what you'd like to change," Martinez says. Or simply hold hands and chat mindlessly about the TV shows you're loving right now.

    It's little rituals like these that keep couples close.

    16

    Create Routines

    Little rituals have a way of improving relationships, Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, a relationship therapist, tells Bustle, so look for little ways you can add them into your lives.

    Even it's just ordering pizza every Friday, or making popcorn while you're watching a movie, "rituals like these are are bonding, even if you don’t realize it," Hartstein says.

    17

    Compliment Each Other

    It's so easy to fall into the habit of nit-picking in a relationship, but if you want to stay together happily, you'll want to focus on the positives instead, Weaver-Breitenbecher says.

    This can be done by keeping an eye out for good things, and then offering sincere compliments, like pointing out how much you enjoyed a dinner your partner made.

    Encourage each other to notice the good things and to say them out loud, more often.

    18

    Be Thoughtful

    If you're looking for a simple but meaningful ways to show your love, try surprising your partner with little gifts or tokens of affection, like a hand-written note tucked into their coat pocket, Joshua Klapow, PhD, a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. He says these are "tangible gestures of love" and they go a long way in helping you stay connected.

    19

    Honor Alone Time

    Not all relationship-building activities require you to spend time together. In fact, "a sign of a healthy relationship is when both parties have individual interests," Andre says. So go ahead and encourage each other to spend time alone, whenever necessary. You'll both come back to the relationship feeling renewed.

    20

    Ask How You Can Help

    If you're getting the sense that your partner is overwhelmed, ask how you can help, Overstreet says. "This simple question can improve your connection because it shows how much you are there for them," she says. "It shows you support them as well as a willingness to step in to help with whatever they need."

    21

    Unplug Together

    Another way to keep your relationship strong? Unplugging on a regular basis, so you can look at each other instead of your phones, Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker, tells Bustle.

    Use the time away from social media, texts, the news, etc. , to catch each other up on daily goings on, to talk about mundane things, or to simply enjoy distraction-free time together.

    It's also good to occasionally show you're more invested in each other, than whatever's happening on social media.

    22

    Apologize Quickly

    If you say or do something hurtful, talk about it ASAP — and don't hesitate to apologize.

    "Of course, you need to be authentic with the apology but it shows that you are willing to own your mistake," Overstreet says. "Then ask for a 'do-over' of what you should have said or did instead. Don't let hours or days pass — apologize quickly, own up to what you did, and then move forward."

    23

    Remind Yourself How You Feel

    Remind yourself of all the reasons why you're grateful for your partner, especially if you're starting to take each other for granted. This is after all, "probably the single reason that most relationships fall apart," Klapow says. But if you both make a point of reminding yourselves why you fell in love, and all the good things you share as a couple, that's far less likely to happen.

    Even if you've been together for a long time, there are always new ways to make your relationship stronger and bring you closer together — so you can both feel happy, supported, and ready for the future.

    Experts:

    Dr. Kristie Overstreet, relationship expert and certified sex therapist

    Jeni Woodfin, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist

    Deborah E. Dyer, PhD, psychologist

    Sameera Sullivan, psychologist

    Beverley Andre, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist

    Michelle Gallant, relationship and dating coach

    Susan Trombetti, matchmaker

    Dr. Jennifer B. Rhodes, licensed psychologist

    Tiffany Toombs, relationship expert

    Kate Ecke, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker

    Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher MA, CAGS, LMHC, psychotherapist

    Tracy K. Ross, LCSW, couples therapist

    Tyra Berger, MSMFT, LCPC, licensed clinical professional counselor

    Dr. Erika Martinez, licensed psychologist

    Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, relationship therapist

    Joshua Klapow, PhD, clinical psychologist

    This article was originally published on

    14 ways to strengthen family relationships - Valeria Fadeeva on vc.ru

    Family relationships depend not only on women, but also on men. A happy family is a constant work on relationships, without which even the strongest passion fades away. Sooner or later, even in a young family, grievances, quarrels, claims to each other arise. There are a number of ways in which family relationships can be strengthened.

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    1. Common interests

    Not all couples have common interests. But they can be created from scratch. Knowing the interests and hobbies of a partner, you can join them. The general pastime should be filled with new, positive emotions that lead to pleasant associations. Such interests can be: a walk in the park, going to the cinema, or maybe fishing. But you should not share your partner's interest in going shopping or picking up your child for kindergarten, because such interests quickly turn into everyday routine and annoying obligations.

    2. Freedom

    In this case, the word freedom refers not to free relations, but to the provision of freedom of human behavior. Everyone periodically wants to be in silence or engage in a favorite hobby, and such a desire should be treated with respect. You should not force your partner to do something that he is not interested in or does not want to do. An example would be house cleaning. If the wife forces her husband to clean up, but he has no desire, then you should not insist on your own, as this will lead to an even greater scandal. In this case, it is necessary to look for workarounds, thanks to which you can get your share of freedom. After cleaning the apartment, you can send your spouse to take a walk with the children, and get long-awaited and well-deserved free time for yourself.

    3. Good mood

    In family relationships, a very important aspect is the good mood that spouses should give to each other. No need to squeeze a good mood out of yourself by force. But if you get in the habit of finding the positive in every situation and making a distinction between work and family, then it becomes possible. Thanks to this attitude, many conflicts in the family are on the decline, and even serious quarrels can seem insignificant if you think in a positive way.

    4. Attention

    This way of maintaining relationships is more suitable for men than for women, since it is women who are more in need of attention, support, affection. Attention is a necessary component of strong family relationships.

    5. Family Evenings

    This method will certainly help to resolve family discord and strengthen relationships. You should try to allocate at least one evening a week for your soul mate. Such an evening can be made in the form of a romantic dinner, or spent discussing current family topics, planning affairs or the family budget. After dinner, an excellent conclusion to the evening will be a joint viewing and discussion of the film. Many psychologists believe that discussing films, especially romantic ones, can be considered to some extent as family therapy, preventing some divorces.

    6. Pleasant memories

    Memories of wonderful, touching and romantic relationships that were in the past will definitely help to improve the current relationship and remember what brought you together with this person and why you are still together. Gifts, letters, a photo album or photos on social networks will help refresh memories.

    7. Plans for the future

    Long-term planning for a joint future will be a beneficial effect. It can be either a travel plan for the next 5 years, or a plan to build a house in which the family will live in 20 years. And it doesn't matter what meaning these plans carry, the main thing is that there are plans for the future, and they are drawn up together, thereby bringing each other closer.

    8. Communication

    Despite the lack of time due to work or routine household chores, it is imperative to find time for communication. If a person has problems outside the family, it is better to tell them to your companion, who, like no one else, knows you and can support you in any situation. You also need to share good news, a loved one will definitely rejoice with you.

    9. Touch

    Touch is one of the love languages. Try to touch each other as often as possible: hold hands, hug, kiss. This tactile contact is fundamental to establishing connections. It must be remembered that the nature of touch indicates the level of feelings.

    10. Vulnerabilities

    In the process of a quarrel or conflict, one should not use one's knowledge of the partner's vulnerabilities, this can be a blow and break him, completely destroying the relationship. Every person has shortcomings, but memories of them should not be a weapon in a conflict situation. It is necessary to take care of a person, and everything that you know about him is better to use in a positive way.

    11. Talking about your feelings

    Talk about your feelings as often as possible, how much you appreciate and love them. This method will help strengthen relationships between people and make them more meaningful.

    An important rule: if you don't like something, you should not criticize the person as a person, but talk about your feelings in relation to the current situation, that is, use the “I-message” technique.

    12. Intimate life

    Feeling that intimate life has ceased to bring full pleasure and has become much less frequent, it is necessary to discuss this moment with a partner. It is important that each of them had a desire and readiness to diversify their intimate life, to find common and interesting things. Having missed the moment when intimate life turns into "marital duty", it will be very difficult to resume passionate and desired intimate relationships.

    13. Garbage from the hut

    Regardless of the reason for the conflict with a partner, there will be reconciliation in the near future. But, having told about the quarrel to your close friends or relatives, this case will periodically remind you of yourself in their face. In this case, it will not work to completely forget and let go of the situation, because when reminded, anger and resentment will emerge in the soul. All family troubles need to be resolved only in the family circle, not letting outsiders into it.

    14. Surprises

    And, of course, do not forget about pleasant surprises that will saturate gray everyday life with romance and good mood. Even a small bouquet of flowers or favorite sweets will not leave any girl indifferent. And the man, in turn, will be glad to receive her culinary masterpiece from his beloved.

    All these methods are elementary and do not require great feats. Evoke all kinds of emotions and your family life will never be boring. All this will preserve and strengthen your family relationships, and each of the spouses will feel in demand, loved and desired.

    Psychologist Valeria Fadeeva

    10 tips on how to strengthen relationships

    March 3, 2021Relationships

    True love is a constant work of both partners.

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    Popular author Mark Manson asked his blog readers for some relationship advice. More than 1,500 people wrote to him about their experience. And using this material, Mark deduced the basic rules for sustainable relationships.

    However, to begin with, it is worth recalling the reasons why they should not be started at all:

    • Pressure from family or friends.
    • Loneliness.
    • Naive love. When it seems that love is the solution to all problems and the only meaning of life.
    • Self-doubt or complexes. This inevitably leads to unhealthy relationships: we love a partner only as long as he makes us feel better. And in such conditions, real intimacy cannot appear.

    1. Be realistic

    True love is not at all like romantic love, which makes us not notice our partner's shortcomings. It's a choice. This is the constant support of another person, regardless of the circumstances. This is an understanding that your relationship will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with the problems of a partner, his fears and thoughts, even when you don’t feel like it at all.

    Such love is more prosaic, it requires much more effort from partners. But still, it gives a person much more. After all, in the end, it brings real happiness, and not another short-lived euphoria.

    2. Respect each other

    This is the main thing in a relationship. Not attraction, not shared goals, not religion, not even love. There will be moments when you start to feel like you don't love each other at all anymore. But if you lose respect for your partner, you won't be able to get him back.

    Communication, no matter how open and frequent it may be, will eventually reach a dead end anyway. Conflicts and insults cannot be avoided.

    The only thing that will save your relationship is unwavering respect. Without it, you will always doubt each other's intentions, judge your partner's choices, and try to limit their independence.

    In addition, you also need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will not be able to feel that you deserve the respect of a partner. You will constantly try to prove that you deserve it, and as a result, you will only harm your relationship.

    • Never complain about your partner to your friends. If you are unhappy with something in his behavior, discuss it with him, and not with friends and relatives.
    • Respect that your partner may have interests, hobbies and views that are different from yours.
    • Consider the opinion of your spouse. Remember, you are one team. If someone alone is dissatisfied, then you need to look for a solution to the problem together.
    • Do not keep everything to yourself, discuss any problems. You should not have taboo topics of conversation.

    Respect is directly related to trust. And trust is the foundation of any relationship (not just romantic ones). Without it, there can be no feeling of intimacy and calmness.

    3. Discuss all problems

    If you don't like something, be sure to discuss it. No one will fix your relationship for you. The main thing for maintaining trust is absolute honesty and openness of both partners.

    • Share your doubts and fears, especially those you don't share with anyone else. This will help not only heal some emotional wounds, but also better understand the partner.
    • Keep your promises. The only way to restore trust is to keep your word.
    • Learn to distinguish between your partner's suspicious behavior and your own complexes. Usually during quarrels, one person thinks that his behavior is completely normal, while the same thing seems categorically wrong to another.

    Trust is like a porcelain plate. If it falls and breaks, then with great difficulty it can still be glued back together. If you break it a second time, there will be twice as many fragments, and it will also take more time and effort to put them together. But if you drop the plate over and over again, in the end, it will break into such small pieces that it will be impossible to glue them together.

    4. Don't try to control each other

    We often hear that relationships require sacrifice. There is some truth in this: sometimes you really have to give up something. But if both partners constantly sacrifice themselves, they are unlikely to be happy. Such a relationship in the end will only harm them both.

    Each person should be an independent person with their own views and interests.

    Trying to control your partner to make him happy (or allowing you to control your own actions), you will not achieve anything good.

    Some people are afraid to give their partner freedom and independence. The reason for this may be a lack of confidence or self-doubt. The less we value ourselves, the more we will try to control our partner's behavior.

    5. Be prepared for the fact that both of you will change

    Over time, you and your partner will change - this is completely natural. Therefore, it is important to always be aware of the ongoing changes and treat them with respect.

    If you plan to spend several decades together, you need to be prepared for difficulties and unforeseen situations.

    Significant changes that many couples face may include a change in religion and political views, a move to another country, or the death of relatives (including children).

    When you start dating, you only know what this person is now. You have no way of knowing what it will be like in five or 10 years. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the unexpected. Of course, it's not easy. But the ability to quarrel properly can help here.

    6. Learn to fight

    Psychologist John Gottman identified four signs of behavior that indicate a possible breakup:

    1. Character criticism ("You are stupid" instead of "You acted stupidly").
    2. Shifting blame.
    3. Insults.
    4. Avoiding a quarrel and ignoring a partner.

    Therefore, it is worth learning how to quarrel correctly:

    • Do not remember previous scandals during one quarrel. This will not solve anything, but will only aggravate the situation.
    • If the fight is heating up, stop. Go outside and walk around a bit. Return to the conversation only when you cool down.
    • Remember, being right in an argument is not as important as feeling that you have been listened to with respect.
    • Do not try to avoid quarrels. Express your pain and admit what worries you.

    7. Learn to forgive

    Do not try to change your partner - this is a sign of disrespect. Accept the fact that you have disagreements, love the person in spite of them, and try to forgive.

    But how do you learn to forgive?

    • When the quarrel is over, it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong. Leave all conflicts in the past, and do not remember them every month.
    • No need to keep score. Relationships should not have winners and losers. Everything should be done and given free of charge, that is, without manipulation and expectation of something in return.
    • When a partner makes a mistake, separate his behavior from his intentions. Do not forget that you appreciate and love in a partner. Everyone makes mistakes. And if a person made a mistake, this does not mean at all that he secretly hates you and wants to leave.

    8. Be pragmatic

    Any relationship is not perfect, because we ourselves are not perfect. Therefore, be pragmatic: determine what each of you is good at, what you like and dislike to do, and then assign responsibilities.

    In addition, many couples are advised to determine some rules in advance. For example, how will you share all expenses? How much are you willing to borrow? How much can each partner spend without consulting the other? What do you need to buy together? How will you decide where to go on vacation?

    Some even hold "annual reports" during which they discuss how to run the business and decide what to change on the farm. This, of course, sounds trite, but this approach really helps to be aware of the needs and requirements of a partner and strengthens relationships.

    9. Remember the little things

    Simple signs of attention, compliments and support mean a lot. All these little things accumulate over time and affect how you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many advise to continue to go on dates, go out somewhere for the weekend and be sure to find time for sex, even when you are tired. Physical intimacy not only keeps a relationship healthy, it even helps mend it when things go wrong.


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