Questions to deepen relationships

40 Questions for Couples to Deepen Your Relationship

How well do you know your partner? Asking them certain questions can help you connect on a deeper level.

When is the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner?

Intimate conversations can help build trust and compassion in relationships, deepening your connection.

When you’re transparent enough in a relationship to share your thoughts and feelings, it can strengthen your bond.

Some experts say that engaging in “reciprocal self-disclosure” — revealing personal information in the same setting with your partner — can increase feelings of closeness.

If you’re feeling distant or just want to get to know your partner on a deeper level, taking the time to talk, actively listen, and build intimacy can make your relationship stronger.

Opening up to others isn’t always easy, though. That’s why asking questions offers both individuals the opportunity to feel seen and heard, and reduces the likelihood that the sharing feels one-sided.

What kinds of questions build intimacy?

Building emotional intimacy with your partner means delving beyond the simple “yes” and “no” transactional questions of our day-to-day lives, and establishing an understanding of:

  • what thoughts and events shaped their past
  • what ideas factor into their character today
  • what your partner presently feels they need
  • what values and goals make up their heart’s desire

To help build this understanding, you might want to ask more than just the typical “how are you?” and close-ended questions — instead, ask about their past, present, and future, their memories, ideas, and affinities.

When people hear the word intimate, they might presume it’s related to pillow talk. However, intimacy can refer to any acts that deepen and promote mutual validation in your relationship.

Emotional intimacy is when you can reveal your true self to your partner. It’s a feeling of trust and connection that helps keep your relationship going. Think of having a “no-filter” kind of authenticity, where someone sees all of you and accepts it.

According to 2020 research, emotional intimacy can not only contribute to overall satisfaction in your relationship, but it can also (for some) be more important than sexual intimacy.

The research suggests that in terms of relationship satisfaction, those who had low levels of emotional intimacy with their partner felt uncertain and dissatisfied with their relationship. Because of their relationship dissatisfaction, they were more likely to engage in infidelity.

You can carve out a date night or virtual session for you and your partner to sit down and take turns asking and answering each other’s questions.

Here are 40 deep questions to get you started:

  1. What were your first words as a child?
  2. What did you like the most about where you grew up? What did you like the least?
  3. Who was your childhood hero? Why?
  4. What or who has influenced your life decisions the most?
  5. How have you changed from when you were in high school?
  6. What did you dream about being when you grew up?
  7. What’s something that delights you in your everyday life?
  8. What did you think when you first saw me?
  9. What three traits of mine made you fall in love with me?
  10. What’s the first image that immediately comes to your mind when you think of me?
  11. What’s one thing in our relationship that used to bother you, but you’ve since grown to accept?
  12. What is something you did to impress me in the early days of our relationship?
  13. What’s one thing that used to irk you about yourself that you’ve learned to accept?
  14. What’s a word or phrase I use that you adore?
  15. What’s your most treasured possession?
  16. What’s something that’s missing in your life?
  17. What saying best describes our relationship?
  18. How have you changed in the last year? How have I changed?
  19. What’s the most surprising thing about love?
  20. Have your goals changed in life? How?
  21. What’s a recurring dream of yours?
  22. How do you compare yourself to your mother/father/caregiver?
  23. What’s your mission in life?
  24. What’s a piece of wisdom you’ve learned by observing the person you like least?
  25. What do you find exciting in your life right now?
  26. If you could have one magical power, what would it be?
  27. Which one of these objects reminds you most of me: An umbrella, light bulb, cell phone, loaf of bread, or pencil. Why?
  28. What’s one of your biggest worries about our future?
  29. Which color describes our intimate relationship?
  30. What word matches the color you picked?
  31. How do you think we can have more fun in our lives?
  32. What animal do I resemble?
  33. If you had to create a company name for our relationship, what would it be?
  34. How do you envision me 10 years from now?
  35. Who in your life is the most stressful? Why?
  36. What’s your love language?
  37. What goals do you have for our relationship?
  38. What are some unfulfilled things in your life right now?
  39. Has your outlook changed regarding our relationship? If yes, how?
  40. What did you do to pull out of the darkest time in your life?

Emotional intimacy in a relationship is important because it builds trust and keeps you satisfied with your bond.

Asking deep, open-ended questions can help both partners be seen and validated by each other. It allows you to share your thoughts and feelings in a safe space where you feel comfortable being your true self.

You can take your time asking and answering these intimate questions with your partner. You may find your relationship strengthens.

If you want to deepen your bond with friends and family, you can find 45 deep questions to ask them here.

65 Relationship Questions To Deepen Your Romantic Connection

Sex & Relationships

What do you envision as the most rewarding form of partnership?

by Mackenzie Sylvester

ljubaphoto/E+/Getty Images

One of the best parts of a relationship is you’re always learning something new about each other. Does your partner prefer comedy or action movies? Do they put syrup or peanut butter on their pancakes? Whether you just started dating and are still figuring each other out, or you’ve been together for years, there are all kinds of relationship questions you can ask each other to build intimacy, strengthen communication, and feel closer.

Asking your SO the right questions will help you make sure you’re on the same page in the relationship and grow your bond. “Relationships cannot be built on ‘assumptions,’” relationship expert Susan Winter tells Bustle. “Each partner needs to be communicative in what they need, and intentional about their dating goals.”

Floating about in your relationship with no clear communication or direction can even be detrimental to the partnership. “Assumptions, lack of clarity, and lack of dating goals will break down even the strongest relationship,” explains Winter. “To avert future fights, speak up now.” Start the conversation by asking each other relationship questions to easily gauge if your goals and vision of the future align. Not only does asking couples questions reveal whether this person is a good long-term match, but it helps create a sense of mutuality and closeness.

Be direct and honest with your partner in both the questions you ask and in the answers you give to forge a strong foundation. People are not mind readers, which is why the whole “assumptions” approach does not work. “When you’re dating somebody, what you’re really doing is teaching somebody how to love you; and so by communicating what you want, what you need, what you’re confused about, and what you desire, you’re teaching your partner how to love you better,” Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen, previously told Bustle.

If you’re looking for a long-term commitment with this person, there are questions you can ask to build intimacy and improve your communication. Here are 65 relationship questions to ask your partner if you want to really know them on a deeper level.

Lighthearted Relationship Questions

ArtistGNDphotography/E+/Getty Images

  1. What’s your ideal vacation?
  2. Mountains or ocean?
  3. When do you find that you're the happiest?
  4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
  5. What’s your ideal date?
  6. How close are you with your friends?
  7. What do you enjoy doing on the weekends?
  8. What do you value most in life?
  9. What are your hobbies?
  10. What are your pet peeves?
  11. Who are your role models?
  12. What scares you the most?
  13. What’s your favorite childhood memory?

Intimate Relationship Questions

  1. How do you feel about monogamy?
  2. What's your comfort level with sexual exploration?
  3. Are there any fantasies you feel comfortable sharing with me?
  4. What do you want our sex life to look like?
  5. What’s your love language?
  6. Is how you receive love different from how you give it?
  7. What do you think about therapy?
  8. What’s your relationship like with your family?
  9. When do you most like to have sex?
  10. When do you least like to have sex?
  11. Do you have any sexual fantasies?
  12. How important is sex in a relationship to you?
  13. How do you feel most connected to your partner?

Long-Term Relationship Questions

  1. What do you envision as the most rewarding form of partnership?
  2. If you could design the perfect partnership model for you, how does it look?
  3. Do you want marriage?
  4. Do you want children?
  5. How many children would you want?
  6. Would you want to stay living close to family?
  7. What kind of parent would you want to be?
  8. What is your communication style?
  9. How can I best help you feel secure?
  10. How did your family deal with struggles growing up?
  11. How do you deal with difficult emotions?
  12. How do you feel about chores?
  13. What are your goals for the future?

Touchy Relationship Questions

katleho Seisa/E+/Getty Images

  1. How do you view gender roles?
  2. Are there inherent expectations of your mate you may hold due to their gender?
  3. How do you see merging the household responsibilities?
  4. Are you a spender or a saver?
  5. How much personal debt are you currently carrying?
  6. What counts as cheating?
  7. What’s your arguing style?
  8. What do you consider “deal breakers” in a relationship?
  9. What’s something you cannot compromise on?
  10. What’s something you wish I wouldn’t do?
  11. What’s something you wish I would do?
  12. What’s something you want me to continue to do?
  13. What do you feel like we could work on?

Lifestyle Relationship Questions

  1. What's your ideal lifestyle?
  2. Do you live to work or do you work to live?
  3. How ambitious are you for career advancement?
  4. How does your career ambition affect your priorities?
  5. Are you looking for someone to complete a "power couple" role?
  6. How involved would you like your partner to be in your professional life?
  7. What are your thoughts around money, finances, and income requirements?
  8. Do you envision a dual income partnership with your mate?
  9. If there are children, do you plan to support your partner if they take time off?
  10. Do you plan to take paternity/maternity leave as well?
  11. What does a balanced relationship look like to you?
  12. What does your ideal schedule look like?
  13. Where is your ideal place to live?


Susan Winter, relationship expert and author

Lily Womble, founder and CEO of Date Brazen

49 questions that will strengthen your relationship


Man and woman A person among people

The best way to strengthen intimacy and solve family problems is to improve communication within a couple. A list of questions and topics for conversation will help to do this.

You can use it on your own, but there is one condition: the points outlined in it should not become another informational garbage that you will soon forget. Set aside time to discuss at least some topics with your partner. The questions may seem naive and silly, but they will help you get through the experience together. In addition, this way you show that you appreciate and love him.

1. What do you do best?

2. What do you like most about your life?

3. What annoys you the most in our city?

4. Do you consider yourself a leader or a follower?

5. What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?

6. How would your best friend describe you?

7. What qualities are most important to you in your best friend?

8. What do you want to achieve in terms of your career?

9. What are your personal goals?

10. If you could have lunch with anyone, now alive or once upon a time, who would you choose?

11. What are the three sites you visit most often?

12. What do you do most often on your smartphone?

13. What do you do from the moment you wake up until you leave the house?

14. What is your favorite childhood memory?

15. What was your favorite book as a child?

16. What do you share only with your closest people?

17. What do you like to eat in cold weather?

18. What dish would you choose on a hot day and why?

19. What superpower would you like to have?

20. What holiday do you remember the most?

21. If there were extra hours in the day, what would you do?

22. If you won the lottery, what would you spend your money on?

23. Who would you prefer to be on a desert island with?

24. If you had to live with only one of the five senses, which one would you choose and why?

25. Imagine that the Internet was turned off for a whole day, what would you do?

26. If you could go back in time, which era would you prefer to live in?

27. If you could turn into a member of the opposite sex for a day, what would you do?

28. What do you like to do on rainy days?

29. What do you do after a long day at work?

30. What is your ideal vacation?

31. If you were to travel with a backpack on your back, where would you go?

32. What is your favorite thing to do on the beach and why?

33. What do I not know about your family?

34. Which family member do you admire the most and why?

35. Who do you most admire of all the people living now or who have ever lived, and why?

36. What is the first thing you notice in a person?

37. What is your favorite movie and why?

38. If you could play any professional sport, what would it be and why?

39. If you could play any musical instrument, what would you choose and why?

40. If you could choose talents, what would you choose?

41. What was the worst restaurant experience you've ever had?

42. What is your favorite color and why?

43. Do you think that every person deserves forgiveness?

44. Do you think about what is happening on social networks?

45. Do you like being on camera?

46. Do you think that everyone can become a leader?

47. Are there social norms or laws that you disagree with?

48. If your family needed a piece of bread, would you steal it?

49. Do you believe in magic?

These simple questions help you connect and build a deep trusting relationship that can endure almost any challenge.

Text: Zhanna Omelianenko Photo Source: Getty Images

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100 relationship questions for couples

What is important when answering these questions? 🤗

  • Honesty builds trust! Be honest with your partner when answering these questions.
  • Don't be afraid! If you and your partner are made for each other, you should be able to talk about everything. So don't be afraid to talk about your innermost thoughts.
  • Don't rush your partner! Some questions may make your partner feel uncomfortable. Don't rush to answer all questions. Be patient, some things take time.
  • Do not judge! You may not understand every thought of your partner. This is completely normal. But try to be supportive, even if you have a different opinion.

Our collection of 100 interesting relationship questions 🥰

The following lists of questions are the perfect start for conversations with your significant other. We have compiled a lot of romantic and sexy questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend. Don't be afraid to dive into a deep conversation with your partner. Take the chance and get to know each other on a new level!


Do I love him?

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20 questions before moving on to the next level 🤔

Maybe you've been thinking about living together lately, or you want to propose to your significant other, or you just want to feel ready to let your guard down in a new relationship . Then these questions are for you.

Here are 20 questions you should ask your partner before taking the next step.

  • Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

  • Will you support me no matter what?

  • How much honesty do you need in a relationship?

  • How do you think you have changed over the past few years?

  • What do you think about children?

  • How do you see love?

  • How do you deal with difficult situations?

  • Do you believe in God?

  • What is cheating for you?

  • What do you think about your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?

  • Do you feel that we make each other the best version of ourselves?

  • Have you ever cheated on someone?

  • Have you ever hit a person with whom you had a relationship?

  • What's on your wishlist?

  • What do you think about marriage?

  • How did/did you cope with your feelings and emotions as a child?

  • What do you want from this relationship?

  • How would you describe your relationship with your family?

  • How did your last relationship end?

    N e w !


  • What is the length of your longest romantic relationship?

20 questions about your hopes and dreams 👑

Everyone has their own hopes and dreams. Some of them can be realistically realized in our future, some of them are just from the world of dreams and fantasy. Through these questions, you and your partner get to know each other on a deeper level by talking about your hopes and dreams.

  • What animal would you like to ride at least once in your life?
  • If you had to change lives with someone, who would it be?
  • Can you choose any person in the world whom you would like to invite to dinner?
  • If you had an invisibility superpower, how would you use it?
  • What are the unfulfilled things in your life?
  • If you could see into the future, what would you like to see?
  • What do you think of the perfect honeymoon destination?
  • If you could design an ideal home for us, what would it look like?
  • What would you like to be really good at?
  • If you could be any animal, who would it be?
  • What geolocation do you see yourself in after retirement?
  • If you had to change your name, what name would you choose?
  • Is there anything you have long dreamed of doing? Why haven't you done this yet?
  • If you had a time machine, would you choose to go back in time or visit the future?
  • If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you go?
  • What are your dreams in life and what do you want from the future?
  • What superpower would you like to have the most?
  • What adventures would you like to experience before you die?
  • If you could be the richest person in the world, what would you do with your money?
  • If you could look like anyone else in the world, who would you choose and why?

20 questions about romance, love and sex life (18+) 👅

Time flies, you and your partner are struggling to find a balance between your full-time employment, personal life with friends and leisure activities, and, perhaps even combine it with your family with children.

🤓 We offer you: 250+ questions for a guy: Get to know him.

It's no secret that our love and romantic life can suffer from stress at some point. You may feel like you have lost the passion you once had for your partner. If this sounds familiar, then these questions are for you. They are designed to spice up your sex life and rekindle the romance in your relationship.

  • What is your wildest fantasy?

  • What do I do that turns you on the most?

  • What is your idea of ​​a perfect romantic date?

  • What would you like to do more in bed?

  • What dirty fantasy do you have about me?

  • Are there times when you feel lonely/lonely, neglected/deprived of attention, or as if I am emotionally unavailable/unavailable?

  • How would you like to spend a special date with each other?

  • Would you tell me that you have some secret fetishes?

  • In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed?

  • Last time you saw me in your dirty dream? When it was?

  • What is your favorite part of my body?

  • What do you think about threesomes?

  • What is the best thing I can do for you in bed?

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  • If you could ask me anything and I could answer honestly, what would you ask?

  • Is there anything you won't do in bed?

  • How do you see a romantic getaway?

  • Are you satisfied with how much time we spend together and apart from each other?

  • What is your favorite time of the day for sex?

  • How/when do you feel most loved/most loved?

  • Which sex position would you like to try?

20 questions about your relationship 🔥

These questions are about your relationship and nothing else. Maybe you're not sure about your relationship right now. You feel like your partner doesn't care, unlike you. With these questions, you can subtly test each other's knowledge of your relationship.

These questions are great for starting a conversation about past, present, and future relationships.

  • What do you think makes me smile?
  • What do you remember most about our first kiss?
  • What is the most romantic thing I have ever done for you?
  • What do you like about me?
  • If you had one word to describe our relationship, what would it be?
  • What is your favorite similarity between us?
  • Do you think that I understand you and understand how you feel? Why do you think so?
  • What makes you the happiest person in our relationship?
  • What is your favorite memory of me at the moment?
  • What/what did you think about when you first met me?
  • What is the difference between us that you really like?
  • How satisfied are you with the amount of non-sexual affection in our relationship?
  • Do you think about me when I'm not around?
  • What would you like to change about me?
  • Do you think I can be your best friend and lover/mistress at the same time?
  • Do you remember what we said to each other the very first time?
  • How long did you think our relationship would last when we first started dating?
  • What do you value most in our relationship?
  • If you had one word to describe our love, what would it be?
  • What about me made you fall in love?

20 “this or that” questions 🤩

Now we present you with a list of questions that work as a conversation starter and are perfect for a lazy Sunday afternoon for you and your significant other.

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